the power of difference from conflict to collaboration in five steps ~ dana morris-jones

The Power of DifferenceFrom Conflict to Collaboration in Five Steps ~ Dana Morris-Jones

Copyright @ 2015 Dana Morris-Jones 2

The Costs of Unmanaged Conflict Lost time Work Around’s Poor Problem-Solving/Decision Making Morale & Loyalty Compliance without Commitment Stress and Distress Poor Image

2


Why Do We Behave This Way?How Can We do Better?

Shift From

Focus on short term & personalLack of trust of other’s motivesAction based on unmanaged emotionsLive in cultures of competition

Inadequate skills

To

Focus on broadly defined long term shared interestsGet others to be trustworthyManage emotions so rational brain in chargeBuild cultures aligned around common purposeConflict competence


Shift from to By

Short term focus

Become neutral observer

Gather information Let go of position

Long term focus


Shift from to By

Lack of trust

Prisoners Dilemma Tit for Tat Model trust, openness Shared interestsTrusting others


Shift from to By

Unmanaged Emotions

EQ – mindfulness & empathy

Validate to lower emotional intensity

Address substantive issues first

Rational Brain


Shift from to By

Culture of Competition

Align around purpose, vision, strategy

Reward collaborative behavior

Culture based on Shared Purpose


Shift from to By

Inadequate Skill

Identify, learn, practice and reward

Conflict Competence


Five Steps for Resolving Organizational Differences Constructively


PREPARE Become an Objective Observer – gather

information Analyze Information – use tools Understand Motivation – yours & others

STEP 1


Level Analysis Facts/Information Processes/Practices/Structures Goals/Objectives/Priorities History: Behaviors, Feelings and

Relationships Interests/Needs/Motivations Values/Beliefs Organizational Culture

Shallowest

Deepest


A New Version of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs


Your Default Conflict Style


Conflict Worksheet


ENGAGE

Create Conditions for Constructive Engagement Identify the right people – Who

Has a stake? Has information? Can make a decision? Could sabotage? Will be constructive?

Reframe issue Logistics

STEP 2


Reframing Formula

How can we [shared interest] while [meeting my interest] and [meeting your interest]?


An Example of Ground Rules Be Interested: Listen to and respect all points of view Be Accepting: Suspend judgments as much as possible Be Curious: Seek to understand rather than persuade Be Open-Minded: Question assumptions and look for

new insights Remain Rational: Focus on issues rather than the

personal Be Brief: Spend more time listening than talking Be Civil: Speak as you would wish to be spoken to


DIVERGEDefine, Understand, Embrace Differences Not for debate or problem-solving Manage process and content

STEP 3


Manage Process – Rational Brain

Your Own Emotions Mindfulness Self Management Calm Demeanor

Other’s Emotions Validate Active Listening Non-Evaluative


Manage Content Both “tell your story” Separate fact from opinion – agree on “facts” Separate personal from substantive Separate impact from intent Sort into “issues” to be addressed

Jealo

usy Ang

er

Fear Doubt

Frustration

Irritation


CO-CREATESolution Seeking Determine criteria for ‘good’ solution Generate many possibilities Narrow options

STEP 4


Determine Criteria by Listing ‘Musts’ & ‘Wants’ Musts – non-negotiables Wants – desirable but not deal breakers


Encourage Moving Some ‘Musts’ to ‘Wants’ Revisit reframed question & shared goal What happens if you can’t reach agreement?

(BATNA/WATNA) Acknowledge emotional & personal issues &

agree to discuss after substantive issues resolved


AGREE How much agreement do you need? 80-20 rule What to do with the 20

STEP 5

80%

20%


IMPLEMENTThe Devil is in the Details Clarify agreements Define words Assign responsibility & timelines Monitor & plan for correction

STEP 5


Thank you for attending.

Dana Morris-Jones, Ph. D.The Delphi Group, Inc.www.TheDelphiGroup.com

the power of difference from conflict to collaboration in five steps ~ dana morris-jones

Documents

dana morrisjones

conflict worksheet slide

shared purpose slide

rational brain slide

default conflict style

position long term focus

short term focus

long term shared interests