About the Author

Lily’s upbringing was deprived and brutal. Her education was

minimal, leaving school with no qualifications. However, her

thirst for knowledge ensured a professional qualification in her

thirties and she became a successful businesswoman. She is

immensely proud of her success and that of her children. She now

enjoys retirement with her husband.

I would like to thank my husband Roger who always

supports my ideas.

Copyright © Lily Graham (2015)

The right of Lily Graham to be identified as author of this work

has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of

the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be

reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any

form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,

recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the

publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this

publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims

for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British

Library.

ISBN 978 1 78455 446 0 (Paperback)

978 1 78455 448 4 (Hardback)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published (2015)

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd.

25 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5LB

Printed and bound in Great Britain

Acknowledgments

To the many brave women I’ve met who’ve fought back

against the extreme violence they’ve suffered at the hands

of the men who purport to love them, then aided and

inspired other women to do the same – Thank You.

CHAPTER 1

Sheena Miller dropped heavily onto the sofa. She was totally

exhausted. Leaning forward she held her head in her hands and

sighed and struggled to hold back the tears that were so close

to flowing. Another row with Tom, her husband, last night had

resulted in a black eye. But she had no time for exhaustion.

She had a five-month-old baby, Lucy to feed, who was at the

moment fast asleep. As she glanced at Lucy lying in her pram,

exactly as she had been since they returned from taking her

other two children to school, Andy who was eight and Susie

who was almost five, she was overwhelmed by the love she

felt for her baby, not only for her baby, but for all her children.

For Sheena was sure that without her children and her love for

those children, she would surely have gone mad by now. But

Sheena still had a half hour to an hour before Lucy would

wake for her feed and so she let out a huge sigh and tried to

relax. She would have to be calm and relaxed in order to

successfully breast-feed Lucy as she was extremely sensitive

to Sheena’s moods. It was almost as though she worried with

her. So taking in some deep breaths she did her best to calm

herself.

It was a beautiful April morning and the sun was

streaming in through the window and as Sheena looked up she

couldn’t help but notice how everything looked so lovely and

peaceful. But the reality was that nothing that morning was

lovely or peaceful in Sheena’s life. The sun was shining

directly onto the mirror over the fireplace. She instinctively got

up from the sofa and found a cloth to wipe the dust from the

mirror. The last thing she needed today was for Tom to find

something else to be angry with her about. And dust was

something he would definitely be angry about. Whilst wiping

the mirror Sheena was shocked by what she saw, and for a

moment it stopped her in her tracks. Not just the bruises on the

face looking back at her, although they were bad enough, no,

she’d seen those in the mirror last night, it was the fact that an

old woman was looking back at her that shocked her. She

leaned forward, closer to the mirror trying hard not to believe

what she was seeing. Where was that young woman with the

sparkle, hope and excitement in her eyes? Was this woman

looking back at her really only twenty-eight? Where did that

lovely young woman go? Sheena shocked and distressed at the

reality of her reflection ignored the dust and sat down again on

the sofa as the despair that was in danger of overwhelming her

was threatening to reduce her to tears.

As she went over the incidents of the previous night she

knew that she had deserved everything that she got from Tom.

She had pushed him too far. Thinking about it now she

wondered where she had found the courage to challenge him in

the way that she had. But she had certainly suffered for it. But

for now she would have to decide how to get him into a good

mood before he got up. For there was no doubt in her mind

that if he got up later today in the same frame of mind that he

was in when he went to bed, then it wouldn’t only be her who

suffered, it would be the children too. She would have to do

something to make things better by the time Tom woke up.

A wicked smile played across her mouth. Her face now a

complete contrast to that of just a few moments ago. She knew

what she would do. But the timing had to be right. Timing was

everything. Tom may well be a bully. He may well frighten

her. Whether he was physically abusing her, sexually abusing

her, or simply verbally abusing her, there was no doubt that he

frightened her. But he was also easy to fool and she would use

all her cunning, lying, feminine wiles and anything else –

within reason, to placate him and put him into a good mood.

He might hit with his fists but he thought with his dick! She

held her hands over her mouth as she laughed out loud at her

own thoughts. Sheena hated sex and was at a loss to

understand how anyone could actually like sex. But she had

seen enough films and read enough books to know what she

was supposed to do. Timing though, she must get the timing

right.

Sheena would go up to wake him about fifteen minutes

before she had to go and pick up the children from school. She

would take a cup of tea up to him then quietly strip naked and

slip into bed beside him. She could see it all now in her mind’s

eye. After all, she had done it often enough before – but still he

never realised what she was actually doing! His ‘Dick’ would

stand to attention the minute she got into the bed and the

following scenario would be played out:

“Tom I’ve been thinking about you all day. I really

couldn’t wait.” She would whisper to him as she climbed on

top of him placing his ‘Dick’ inside her. “Come on Tom,

quickly,” she would say. “Oh you’re so good. Do it quicker. I

can’t hold on,” she would plead. Then she would ‘pant’ and

‘moan’ in all the right places – not that she knew where the

‘right’ places were – she just knew that he didn’t seem to know

the ‘right’ places either, so it didn’t matter. What mattered was

making sure he was happy and most of all, making sure of it

quickly! And so she would praise him and tell him how ‘good’

he was. And it always worked. It never took more than a few

minutes so the end result justified the means. ‘Normal’ sex for

Tom only ever took a few minutes, once he had ‘come’ then he

was finished – then she would give him his cup of tea and tell

him that she had to hurry to get the children. He would

complain of course.

“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?” he would say.

“Are you sure we haven’t got time for one more go?”

Sheena would reply to the effect that she knew how hard he

worked so didn’t want to wake him too early and that she was

also so, so disappointed. And she would sound perfectly

genuine! She would normally wake him after she got home

from picking up the children. Sometimes on these ‘necessary

early’ occasions like today, he would say, “I’ll stay here till

you get back, then we can have another go.” Sheena’s reply

would then be that she couldn’t wait and would hurry back.

But of course a teacher at school would hold her up over

something or other. Or another mother would need to talk to

her, perhaps to apologise for a mix up between her son and

Andy. However it would occur, there would be something to

delay her return, and as he had to leave for work at 5.30pm

then there would only be time to quickly get his tea eaten

before he left. On most occasions he would already be up

when she returned. “Oh, Sheena, you can be so devious at

times,” she said to herself.

Sheena couldn’t really understand why Tom should enjoy

these experiences, because she knew very well that her

‘enjoyment’ meant nothing to him. There were many occasions

when he would come home in the early hours of the morning

and just climb on top of her. She would pretend to be asleep –

she would hear his motorbike pull up onto the drive and then

she would ‘steel’ herself against the cold that she knew she

would feel when he came to her. Her heart would beat fast, but

with fear rather than excitement, and she was scared, for she

knew that if he realised that she was awake then the whole

thing would last much longer and probably be much more

involved.

It was really important to her that she showed no signs of

being awake – not an easy thing to do, especially in the winter!

The next thing she would hear would be his key in the door.

Her heart beating even faster she got herself into the best

position to make things as easy as possible for him. She would

lie on her back with her legs slightly apart, probably with one

arm on the pillow and the other just lying gently across her

chest and, of course, her eyes firmly closed – but not in such a

fashion that they looked closed with force or fear, nothing that

would give her away! If he spoke to her then she wouldn’t

answer. Then he would just climb on top of her and get the

‘business’ done. As if she could possibly be asleep and stay

asleep when he was cold and icy after coming off his

motorbike! – But as long as she had no knickers on and her

legs were apart, then that was all he needed. And he seemed to

firmly believe that she was asleep, thank God! He would

delight in telling her later in the day that he’d ‘had’ her that

morning – his words – without waking her. And he would

actually be pleased with himself for that. He would consider

that to be the act of a good husband, not disturbing her. Sheena

would have ‘moaned’ softly during the ‘event’ and so she

would say in return to him, “Oh you’re so considerate, Tom. I

thought I was dreaming!” She shook her head at the thought of

how easily he was to fool, and thought how stupid he must

really be. If ever there was a case for a man thinking with what

was between his legs, then that was surely it.

It was so funny that it was actually sad, for although

Sheena didn’t like sex, actually not liking sex was far too mild

an expression, because in fact she hated it with a vengeance.

Tom was the only person she’d ever had sex with and even on

the first occasion he’d taken her by force and made her believe

that no one else would ever want ‘used’ goods, and so he told

her that she would now be his forever. But nevertheless, she