the oweek times 25th august' 2014
DESCRIPTION
Welcome to LUMS, batch of 2018!TRANSCRIPT
theo-weektimes
Welcome, welcome thou innocent, doe-eyed
freshies! While you stand here holding this and
wondering what spirit possessed your more-than
-enthusiastic coaches, I might as well take this
time to say this, and trust me, this is not an over-
statement: You are going to have the time of
your life here.
Some of you adorable freshies may have
stepped in LUMS today knowing exactly what
you’re going to do in the four/five years at
LUMS. You know what major and minor you’re
going to pursue (hmm, let’s see how that works
out), you know where to get the best chai to
keep you from snoozing in early morning clas-
ses because ‘Oh please, who needs a map? I’ve
been here before for LUMUN, CARMA, Fi-
LUMS and all other events that have strange
sounding acronyms so I can navigate my way
through anything.’ Heard of academic block?
You know exactly what is required of you to
find a snug little place in the Dean’s Honor List,
and you are sure, what with all those fancy A*
and As up your sleeve, that you are going to take
LUMS by storm with your I’m-going-to-get-a-
Chauka-in-my-first-attempt attitude. Well, good
luck. Some of you may have ventured into this
university to find your significant other. Again,
good luck with that. Some of you don’t even
want to be here because ‘oh eem gee! Harvard
accepted me but my visa got kidnapped because
there was this raccoon… #Iambetterthanallofyou
#yahoodishazish #Joey #stuckhere’, and some of
you are not even sure if you are going to fit in at
all. And here’s where we come in.
While we take a certain pleasure watching you
all make fools of yourselves with those FUN
icebreaking activities that your EXCITED
coaches compel you to do and which you think
are close to torture because you know, social
suicide, we are not entirely sadistic. You will
find the coaches eager to join in the shenanigans
and you shall also soon see the wisdom of these
activities when you find yourself easing up to the
freshmen in your O-Week group. We are here
to give you a head start in LUMS, to make this
immense transitional moment in your life rela-
tively smoother, to bust the many myths you
have about LUMS, to ease you into the harrow-
ing world of deadlines and responsibilities, and
to tell you that while we might scoff at your
dreams of a 4.0, we know you can make it hap-
pen.
Because you are the batch of 2018! You are
here. This is it.
Good luck!
-Aisha Hamid
Publications at LUMS Monday, 25th August, 2014
EDITORIAL:
Hi There, Freshies!
Busting Myths
About LUMS
DO all the weird, fun stuff your coaches ask you to do.
DON’T be embarrassed thinking how your high school friends would react if they saw you doing
it.
DO try getting along with your O-Week group. Most of the people in your group will remain ac-
quaintances, if not friends, throughout college.
DON’T be crestfallen if these are not the friends you want for the rest of your stay at LUMS. You
have four years for making new ones!
DO ask your O-Week coaches to give you a treat.
DON’T insist on going to Andaaz.
DO go talk to the hot girl in the other O-Week group (yes, it’s always in the other group, never
yours).
DON’T ask for her number right after saying ‘hi’.
DO ask your O-Week coaches for help in stuff other than the O-Week activities.
DON’T call them in the middle of the night to do so.
DO become good friends with your O-Week coach. You will need their help in the initial months
of your freshman year.
DON’T ask him/her out. Also, please make sure he/she is not your first crush in LUMS.
DO enjoy the food at PDC.
DON’T bet money over how you will not get tired from it.
DO add the EMS (Emergency Medical Services) contact to your phone.
DON’T think a shaving cut is an excuse to dial it.
DO keep a map of the Academic Block in your pocket.
DON’T think a passing senior will be able to help you find A-9.
-Rana Musa Tahir
Do’s and Don’ts of O-Week
All of you who have had the chance of coming
to LUMS as high school students have certain
pre-conceived notions about it. You’ll invariably
observe that your experiences at this place end
up being vastly different from your expectations.
Right now, you might think you have this place
figured out, but chances are you don’t.
Every type of ‘haram’ thing goes on behind the
Sports Complex. We may have grown slightly
old, but we haven’t seen anything in particular
going on behind the complex other than people
sitting together in the window sills. Maybe they
have discovered new spots? Maybe. Of course,
we haven’t really explored past 4 am.
PDC has a different menu every day. Sometimes
it just feels like they’ve changed the name of yes-
terday's dish. The Chinese dishes, for instance,
taste exactly the same. Try telling the difference
between Chicken with onions compared to
Chicken with vegetables the next time you
choose to have Chinese at PDC. Not to mention
the element of surprise that some PDC dishes
have to offer. The Chicken Manchurian some-
times gets a bit ‘fishy’. You will know what I
mean pretty soon.
LUMS ‘ka mahol’ is very bad. It’s not as bad as
it seems from the outside. You’ll find people
from all walks of life at this place. You are free
to make yourself comfortable with the people of
your choice, without anyone imposing any deci-
sion on you. Fancy a smoke? Go to the LUMS
Continued on page 2
Publications at LUMS Page 2
The Labyrinth that is the
Academic Block
The Academic Block is like the rest of LUMS-
everybody is equal parts annoyed with and
proud of it. You'd do well to leave your dorm
room/house/the khoka five minutes earlier for
the first few classes each semester, to give your-
self enough time to run around the Academic
Block in circles (octagons, actually) until you
realize that NIB and A-13 are the same thing.
Once you've partially overcome your annoyance
with it, you'll realize that it's actually pretty im-
pressive for a building with a hole in its middle.
A few pointers, though -
1. The numbering of the auditoriums may
seem random, but it's actually pretty (evil)
genius.
A-1 to A-4 are on the ground floor
A-5 to A-8 are on the first floor
A-9 to A-12 go on the ground floor
A-13 to A-15 can be found on the first floor
And they put A-16 on the ground floor, just for
laughs.
Try showing this pattern (if you found it, that is)
to graduating seniors and watch them lose it.
Fun.
2. The DRs are numbered such that DRs 1 to
8 are on the ground floor and 9 to 16
are on the first floor. Considerably less dia-
bolical than the way the auditoriums are ar-
ranged.
theo-weektimes
Busting Myths About LUMS continued from
page 1
3. The PDC side is opposite the Library
side, and the REDC is opposite the out
gate, for when you want to take a short cut
to save that half-minute it takes your in-
structor to go from don't-know-don't-care
to somebody you wouldn't want to know.
4. As for the instructors' offices, the RO and
the Office of Student Affairs, they like to
move around quite a bit. The only way to
know where they are is to peer into every
wing until you find them.
Best of luck finding A-14, though.
-Amna Memon
Square. Fancy praying before your class? Rush to
the mosque.
The first semester is easy. “Calculus I? Phew. I
studied most of the stuff in A’ Levels. I don’t
need to attend classes.” I have heard countless
freshmen make this claim. Don’t worry! You’ll
soon realize the first semester might just be the
hardest of your (hopefully only) eight semesters
at LUMS. Still can’t wait for the classes to start?
- Junaid Aftab
LUMS is a total party place.
Whoever told you this has probably given you
horrible advice on other important matters as
well because this is a total and utter lie. So better
go back and reevaluate all they have ever told
you. This is what awaits you ahead: 8 a.m. clas-
ses, 3 quizzes a day, 4 exams in less than 48
hours, huge bags under your eyes, caffeine addic-
tion, the freshman 15, 6 hour gaps between clas-
ses for day scholars, project deadlines during fi-
nals’ week, overcrowded library, printer jams 10
minutes before a paper deadline, average food,
lack of interest in you from the opposite sex, DC
threats, enrollment fiascos, 80 page readings for
every session and the list goes on. It’s a beautiful
life, isn’t it? Don’t hate me! Just giving you a reali-
ty check as a helpful senior is all. On a serious
note, the point of this little memo is to tell you
that don’t expect that you can party 24/7 and
breeze through classes. Of course, if that is your
aim you can totally do it. But if you’d like a de-
gree in your hands after four year, striking a bal-
ance between play and work is extremely im-
portant. So, kids, let us not spoil an opportunity
of studying in one of Pakistan’s finest education
institutions. Okay? Okay. Good kids!
-Nimra Arshad
A not-so-good GPA (grade point average if you
didn’t know) in your freshman year will ruin your
chances of graduating with a good GPA.
During O-week, you will hear this statement from
your coaches, coordinators and just random sen-
iors eager to give out advice. Don’t listen to them!
Of course, it is true that a solid first year grade
point average can set you up for a decent GPA
throughout your four year stay here. However,
don’t let a GPA lower than your expectations
send you into a vault of misery akin to Gringrotts.
You can slay the dragon and zoom away on your
Firebolt to a commendable GPA! Just like the
writer of this anonymous but brilliant piece of ad-
vice who managed to push his or her GPA from
3.1 to 3.6 over the course of four semesters. So
study hard, party hard and don’t lose heart if you
struggle with studies a little bit at the start. It will
all work out.
Illustrations from the Strip Generator
One of the closest relationships you will nurture in the course of your
LUMS life will be with Zambeel, the online LUMS portal. Not in the
movie “Her” kind of way though; Zambeel would not talk to you or date
you as the operating system Samantha did in the movie. However, it will
do other important tasks such as manage your academic information, keep
academic records, and most importantly enroll you into courses with the
grace of the Registrar Office of course.
You will experience your campus-mail flood during the enrollment phase
in the beginning of the semester. There will be many creatively titled
emails begging for course swaps. You might also hear people debate the
correct pronunciation of ‘swap’ (it is better to look it up, tricky). You will
hear many horror stories regarding enrollment. It is very important to re-
plenish your luck if you have run out of it or you might not get the courses
you want. Worst case scenario, you might not get any course (for the initial
enrollment phase, not forever hopefully).
The first time yours truly enrolled, it went really well, too well. Remem-
ber, if it goes well for you, there’s probably someone staring at their laptop
screen, wincing and cursing Zambeel for ruining their life. I guess what’s
what you’d call survival of the fittest. Enrollment has a funny way of teach-
ing you the workings of the capitalist world. To be the fittest, you need
extensive preparation. Fill your cart with your desired as well as a back-up
course for each of your desired course. Start clicking ‘enroll’ at the speed
of lightening when the enrollment commences. However, you can never
be too careful with enrollment. Chances are you might end with a course
in the end that you never even considered. In the days that follow, you
might question a lot many things including your life. Demonic Zambeel
can do this to you. So as Imran Khan keeps saying in every interview,
“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst”; hope for the worst too. Just in
case, have your back up options ready in your enrollment cart. Don’t
sleep during enrollment time because then you can’t act like Godfather,
making people an offer they can’t refuse as no one will want to swap your
‘Arabic’ course with their ‘Intro to Management’. Hard facts. Let’s move
on.
Around the time your grades are being uploaded, you will check Zambeel
more than the total amount of time you check Facebook in a day and that
is a lot. It will cultivate a mix of patience and paranoia in you. However,
every time you have to squint to save yourself from the full glare of your
grades staring back at you, every name of any eye-related disease you stud-
Publications at LUMS Page 3
FRESHIES SAY THE DARNEST THINGS
Overheard a unique pick-up line, a strange exclamation, or a
fun rumor doing the rounds? Mail it in at
[email protected] and it may just get printed !
theo-weektimes The demon that is Zambeel
and how to beat it
ied about in school will come to your mind like Cataracts or just eye cancer be-
cause you don’t remember anything.
For the day scholars; a lot of people will say that enrolling from the IST lab is
quicker and more reliable than enrolling from home. However, the sociological
concept of hoards of people coming together and releasing some collective pos-
itive energy may only be true in ‘V for Vendetta’ but not for Z for Zambeel. I
apologize for this one. One last thing, make sure to attend your IST infor-
mation session for Zambeel. May all the odds be in your favor.
-Manahil Mahmood Sardar
LUMS Square: There are three kinds of cats in this world- the adorable, furry
ones, the evil, sadistic ones and then there are the LUMS cats which are found
dominantly in the LUMS Square. If you plan to eat your food in this area, the
chances of success are pretty bleak because the cats shall not admit defeat till
they manage to nick a fair share of loot from you. With the option of eating
crossed off, you will resort to playing cards or indulge in pointless banter to kill
time while you wait for your next class or for the aesthetically pleasing guy/girl
(whichever one you prefer) you obsess over, to pass by.
LUMS Library: The place where even scratching your nose sounds very loud
but amidst the so called ‘theetas’ you will find a handful of people sprawled
across the floor in a corner, sleeping peacefully and contrary to popular belief,
this place can be ideal to ogle at your crush discreetly.
Discussion Rooms (DRs): These are anything but ‘discussion’ rooms and the
deceptive name conceals its true identity from the ones too coward to cross
over to the dark side. The walls of these tiny rooms have seen everything from
surprise birthday parties to highly inappropriate behavior.
-Azka Shoaib
Guest Contributor
A Walk Through the Campus
Ro
ham
a Malik
©
Ro
ham
a Malik
©
Hira Qureshi
President
Rohama Malik
Vice President
Natasha Barlas
General Secretary
Aisha Hamid
Editor-in-Chief
Ayesha Tahir
Treasurer
Amna Memon
Senior Editor
the PLUMS team
Publications at LUMS Page 4
theo-weektimes
Sana Haque
Editor-in-Chief
Junaid Aftab
Senior Editor
Nimra Arshad
Senior Editor
Rana Musa Tahir
Contributor
Manahil Mahmood Sardar
Contributor
Anam Amin Lakhani
Director Publicity
CALLING ALL FRESHMEN WRITERS, ESSAYISTS, CARTOONISTS AND DESIGNERS!
FRUSTRATED BY THE INDIFERENCE OF OTHERS TO THE IDEAS BUBBLING INSIDE YOUR HEAD?
EXASPERATED BY THE APATHY OF EVERYONE AROUND YOU?
NEED A PLATFORM TO UNLEASH THE BUDDING WRITER IN YOU?
LIKE SEEING YOUR NAME IN PRINT?
IF YES, DON’T MISS THE PLUMS ORIENTATION!
Time and venue will be announced on Campusmail!
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