the new age parents apr may 15

APR/MAY2015

www.thenewageparents.com

Cove

rpag

e M

odel

: A

spen

Ng

Ph

otog

raph

y: P

hoto

gra

phy

by

Yew

Kw

angMother’s Day

Interview: HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

MOTHERLY FRIENDSHIPS: WHY YOUR MUM FRIENDS ARE SO SPECIAL

LETTING GO OF MUMMY’S GUILT

WHY WON’T MY CHILD SIT STILL? Sensory Processing Disorder In Children

2 The New Age Parents

table of contents

Contents04 Our Experts

08 Editorial Note

10 Special TributeRemembering Lee Kuan Yew

12 Pregnancy Perinatal Anxiety And Depression: Important Facts To Know

14 Health How Do You Know If Your Child Has Food Poisoning?

16 DietFood To Avoid Giving Your Child Before Bedtime

18 DentalWhat Smells? Bad Breath In Children

20 Your ChildSigns of Low Self-Esteem in ChildrenWhy Won’t My Child Sit Still? Sensory Processing Disorder In Children

26 Mother’s Day SpecialMy Journey As A Mother: 5 Big Life LessonsFeature Interview: How Does She Do It? Letting Go of Mummy’s Guilt

38 The New Age Parents Coverpage Contest

42 Growing UpTeaching our children The Value of… FailingHow Old Is Too Old?

46 For The ParentMotherly Friendships: Why Your Mum Friends Are So Special

48 Home A Beautiful And Childproof Home: 7 Doable Design Tips

OUR EXPERTSPAEDIATRIC MEDICINE

NUTRITION DENTISTRY

Dr Chin Shou KingDirector of T32 Junior, Dr. Chin graduated from the National University of Singapore, Faculty of Dentistry, after winning two scholarships from Singapore Press Holdings. He served his bond as a Dental Officer in the Ministry of Health and became the Head of Dental Services at one of National Healthcare Group Polyclinics. Dr Chin enjoys and

is proficient at treating and managing children, having spent one and a half years at the National University Hospital Dental Centre.PRACTICE ADDRESS:One Orchard Boulevard, 17th Floor; Camden Medical CentreSingapore 248649Tel: (65) 6733 1388 Email: [email protected] Dental Services: (65) 6398 5578

Dr Wong Chin KhoonDr Wong obtained his Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery from National University of Singapore in 1988. He subsequently earned his Master of Medicine in Paediatrics and in 2004, he qualified as a Fellow of Academy of Medicine in Singapore and College of Paediatrics and Child Health. He actively engages in other organizations, and was Medical

Advisor to the Child Abuse and Protection Team at Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports. His main interest lies in paediatric accident and emergencies. PRACTICE ADDRESS:SBCC Baby & Child Clinic, Blk 26 Jalan Membina, #01-05Singapore 161026Tel: 6276 5700, Tel: 6276 2258

Dr Ben ChoeyDr Ben Choey is a gynaecologic surgeon who has been committed to women’s health for more than 10 years. He obtained his Master of Medicine (O&G) and became a member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (United Kingdom) in 2007. He was appointed Clinical Tutor in Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine and Duke-

NUS Graduate Medical School. A prolific writer, Dr Ben has also contributed numerous articles on fertility and general gynaecological issues. PRACTICE ADDRESS:SBCC Women’s Clinic (Clementi) Blk 443 Clementi Ave 3 #01-53 Singapore 120443 Tel: 6774 1654

Suzanne KhorSuzanne Khor has been practicing as a clinical dietician for the last 11 years. She obtained her undergraduate degree in Dietetics with honours from the National University of Malaysia and postgraduate degree (Masters of Health Science Education) from University of Sydney Australia. Prior to this, Ms Khor was working as a senior

dietician in KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital for 7 years. Her special interests are nutrition in feeding difficulties, diet therapy for neurological disorders, eating disorders and weight management. PRACTICE ADDRESS:Thomson Paediatric Centre (The Child Development Centre)10 Sinaran Drive #09-04 Novena Medical Centre Singapore 307506Tel: 6397 6627/ 6397 6966 (hotline)

OBSTETRICS AND GYNAECOLOGY


CHILD PHYSCOLOGY CHILD DEVELOPMENT

Raihanah Ahmad Raihanah is an Occupational Therapist currently working at THK Therapy Services –The Children’s Therapy Centre. She graduated with a Bachelor of Science honours degree in Occupational Therapy conferred by Singapore Institute Technology -Trinity College Dublin. Raihanah has joined THK Therapy Services since June 2012 and enjoys working with

children with special needs both at the clinic and the community.For more information, go to www.thkmc.org.sg/thk-therapy-services

Rebecca Goh-QuekRebecca Goh-Quek is currently an Education Specialist working with Kinderland Educare Services Pte Ltd. She brings with her a wealth of experience spanning over 20 years within the Early Childhood Education arena. During her active years of tenure, she undertook different roles and worked with children, parents, teachers and principals to share her experience and

knowledge in nurturing the young children. For more information, go to kinderland.com.sg

Fiona WalkerFiona Walker joined Julia Gabriel Centre in 1991 as a teacher and is now the Principal of Schools / CEO of Julia Gabriel Education. She holds a Masters in Early Childhood Education and is a qualified Montessori teacher with more than 20 years of experience in providing quality education for young children. She is committed to the

ongoing development of teachers and curriculum in Julia Gabriel Education.For more information, go to www.juliagabriel.com

Cindy LongCindy started working at the Singapore Children’s Society in 2000 and later obtained a postgraduate degree in Applied Psychology from Nanyang Technological University. She relocated to Australia with her family and joined The Child Development Centre upon returning from Australia in 2013. On top of conducting

assessment for children with dyslexia, ADHD and other learning difficulties, she provides psychotherapy to children and families with behavioural and emotional problems.PRACTICE ADDRESS:Thomson Paediatric Centre - The Child Development Centre10 Sinaran Drive #09-04; Novena Medical Centre Singapore 307506Tel: 6397 6627

PRESCHOOL

HAVE A QUESTION FOR OUR EXPERT? Comment and post your question on our Facebook, or drop us an email at [email protected] with the subject title "Question for TNAP Expert".

The New Age Parents 5

The New Age Parents contributors:DOROTHEA CHOWDorothea is a dedicated Christian homemaker, mum to two darling little boys and wife to a wonderful and supportive man. She loves to plan fun learning times with her toddler, read to her sons, and hang out with them at playgrounds, parks and shopping malls, in the company of fellow mummy friends. Baking, writing, scrapbooking and shopping are some of her favourite pastimes. She also runs a small home-business, Dottieshop creating customized paper cards and art pieces for birthdays, weddings and other occasions. Read more of Dorothea’s thoughts and motherhood experiences at www.apancakeprincess.com

SOM YEW YAA stay home mother while pursuing a Masters in Counseling course, Yew Ya has returned to the workforce last year. Working in a Swiss pharmaceutical, she enjoys her work in the clinical field as well as being a hands-on mother cooking and planning activities with the family.

RACHEL TANRachel was working as a scientist and a healthcare analyst in London before moving back to Singapore to deliver her daughter in 2012. Since then, she has been a stay-at-home-mother, and loves to bake, cook, style and photograph the dishes when she has time to spare. She enjoys sharing the ups and downs of life, marriage and parenthood, and of course, write-ups on glorious food on her personal blog, The Pleasure Monger.

JENNY TAI Jenny Tai is a freelance writer, fledgling cook, and mother to a self-assured, playful toddler. She makes postcards in her spare time. Previously Jenny worked in a publishing company in New York.

contributors



Feature Interview with Matthias Koh

Nam

e of

Mod

el: T

he L

iew

Fam

ily

Pho

togr

aphe

r: Ph

otog

rap

hy b

y Ye

w K

wan

g

aug/sep2013

A dAte with your doc:

Important check-ups during pregnancy

What type of plans to take

up for a young family?

Teaching children

the concept of money

Forging cultural and national identity in our children

Majulah Singapura

Dec/JAN2013/2014

Name of Model: Nigel Ching Photographer: Photography by Yew Kwang

AuspiciousChinese

names for

2014Horse BABies

Christmas

Card

Is It Too Early To Start

Planning?

RetirementPlanS

To Do WiTh Your KiDs

ideas

Generation

C r e a t i n g a J o i n t P a r e n t i n g P l a n

Are We Raising A Generation Of Narcissists?

ME

Name of Models: Jae & SeshaPhotographer: Photography by Yew Kwang

feb/mar2014

Valentine’s DaySpecial

My Valentine, My Mrs.

Germ AttAckCommon Germs & Bacteria Parents Should Know

Building Sibling Bonds6 Sibling Bonding Activities

Our tO LeArn And PLAy4 Fun Weekend Activities To Do

How To Answer Your Child’s Difficult Questions Tips for Parents

Traveling tips for parents

Father Figure

Feature Interview with Matthias Koh

Father’s

Day Special

Juggling Fatherhood and

Husbandhood

Combating Childhood

illnessWhat are the best ways to

beat them?

Nam

e of

Mod

el: J

ulka

Pho

enix

Pho

togr

aphe

r: Ph

otog

rap

hy b

y Ye

w K

wan

g

jun/jul2013

Flying with your tot

Mindful parenting Parenting with mindfulness

oct/nov2013

Children Around The World

Children's dAy speCiAl

Special Small

SpaceS: Mummies share their tot's room

Top 10 Are You A Type A

pArenT? Brain Boosters For Kids

Does Your ChilD Get lost in DreamlanD All the time?

Name of Model: Nur Nyla Qamelia Photographer: Photography by Yew Kwang

Nam

e of

Mod

el: E

than

Ale

xand

er M

clea

nP

hoto

grap

her:

Phot

ogra

phy

by

Yew

Kw

ang

APR/mAy

2013

A Day In Mummy’s Shoes…

Does My Child Really Need To Take Antibiotics?

The Road to Independence:

Mother’s Day special

Power UP!

Immunity Foods For Children

ToP 10

In sync wIth your In-law: Getting along with your other Mother

Teaching your Child to Become

Independent in Everyday Tasks

arentsThe New Age P Parenting in the New Era

The New Age Parents is a free online resource site and e-magazine for parents

of preschoolers and parents-to-be. Subscribe for free to be part of our online

community today.

W e b s i t e : w w w . t h e n e w a g e p a r e n t s . c o mE - m a g a z i n e : w w w . t h e n e w a g e p a r e n t s . c o m / m a g a z i n e

F a c e b o o k : w w w . f a c e b o o k . c o m / n e w a g e p a r e n t sF o r u m : w w w . t h e n e w a g e p a r e n t s . c o m / f o r u m

editorial note

How do you prepare to be a mum? I think nothing really prepares you for motherhood.

This issue, we spoke to three working mothers on how they balance the art of work and motherhood in our feature interview: How Does She Do It? Learn about our writer’s struggles with guilt, and how she manages to overcome them in our First Time Mum Series: Letting Go of Mummy’s Guilt. Do you have a mum friend who you know you can count on 24 / 7? We share our thoughts on what makes your friendships with your fellow mum friends different in Motherly Friendships: Why Your Mum Friends Are So Special.

When is the appropriate time to stop bringing your boy to the ladies with you? How old is a child too old to be fed? We tackle some of these questions in How Old Is Too Old? What are the signs of a child with low self-esteem? Our preschool expert tells us more in Signs of Low Self-Esteem in Children and what parents can do to make them more confident.

Do check out our Parenting with Love Seminar: Preparing Your Child for Primary School happening on 25 April. More details can be found in the next page. You can also log on to our website to register.

It is also with a heavy heart that I mourn with the whole nation, at the loss of our founding father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Our hearts go out to PM Lee and his family members.

My best,


Do you have any stories, tips or any feedback to share? We love to hear from you!

DROP US AN EMAIL AT [email protected]

CONNECT WITH US AT www.facebook.com/newageparents

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: www.instagram.com/thenewageparents

HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

Remembering Lee Kuan Yew,

1923 – 2015

Preparing Your Child For Primary School

THE NEW AGE PARENTS & NEW AGE PREGNANCY PRESENTw w w . t h e n e w a g e p a r e n t s . c o m | w w w . n e w a g e p r e g n a n c y . c o m

Preparing Your Child For Primary School

EXCELLING IN ENGLISH Support your child’s language development by knowing the important elements of reading and writing in Primary School.

Speakers Fiona Walker, Chief Executive Officer and Principal of Schools, Julia Gabriel Education and Lynette Chua, Head of School Support Services, Julia Gabriel Centre

TIPS FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH MANDARINHow can you help your child develop a positive attitude towards learning Chinese? Discover how you can make learning Chinese fun for your child.

Speakers Huang Ying, Head of Chengzhu Mandarin Centre and Iris Lim, Principal of Chiltern House Preschool

DOES THIS MAKE CENTS? GETTING YOUR KIDS STARTED ON MONEY MANAGEMENTLearn how to discuss money issues with your child in fun and age-appropriate ways as well as money management techniques.

Speakers Ernest Tan, Certified Financial Planner, Master Money Coach, Author of Raising Financially Savvy Kids

BULLY PROOF YOUR CHILDNew school, new friends. What are the tell-tale signs of a child who is being bullied? Help your child learn strategies to manage conflicts and bullies.

Speakers Dr Vanessa von Auer, Clinical Director and Clinical Psychologist at VA Psychology Center

DETAILS OF THE SEMINARDate: 25 April 2015, Saturday Venue: Mochtar Riady Auditorium SMU Administration Building (Level 5) Singapore

Management University, 81 Victoria Street Singapore 188065 Time: 1 pm – 5 pm (Registration begins at 12.30pm)

Free Admission!

Tea reception provided

Register Now! Closing Date: 23rd April 2015

PROGRAMME HIGHLIGHTSLucky Draw:

2 Day 1 Night Stay* at Montigo Resorts Nongsa Villa in Batam,

The Polliwogs Party Package, Dining Vouchers and other

attractive prizes to be won!

On top of that, each participant will receive:

A Parenting with Love Booklet and a goodie bag worth more than

$30!

* Terms and conditions apply


Lee Kuan Yew

From third to first world nation. From a fishing port to a cosmopolitan city. This small red dot is where she is today because of Mr Lee Kuan Yew. We sum up eight quotes by our founding father of Singapore.

A TRIBUTE TO SINGAPORE’S FIRST PRIME MINISTER

“I’m very determined. If I decide what something is worth doing, then I’ll put my heart and soul to it. The whole ground can be against me, but if I know it is right, I’ll do it. That’s the business of a leader.”

- LEE KUAN YEW, "THE MAN AND HIS IDEAS," 1998

“But we either believe in democracy or we not. If we do, then, we must say categorically, without qualification, that no restraint from the any democratic processes, other than by the ordinary law of the land, should be allowed… If you believe in

democracy, you must believe in it unconditionally. If you believe that men should be free, then, they should have the right of free association, of free speech, of free publication. Then, no law should permit those democratic processes to be set at nought.”

– AS AN OPPOSITION LEADER, APRIL 27, 1955

“To straddle the middle ground and win elections, we have to be in charge of the political agenda. This can only be done by not being beaten in the argument with our critics. They complain that I come down


special tribute

too hard on their arguments. But wrong ideas have to be challenged before they influence public opinion and make for problems. Those who try to be clever at the expense of the government should not complain if my replies are as sharp as their criticisms.”

- LEE KUAN YEW, FROM THIRD WORLD TO FIRST: THE SINGAPORE STORY: 1965-2000

“I started off believing all men were equal. I now know that’s the most unlikely thing ever to have been, because millions of years have passed over evolution, people have scattered across the face of this earth, been isolated from each other, developed independently, had different intermixtures between races, peoples, climates, soils… I didn’t start off with that knowledge. But by observation, reading, watching, arguing, asking, and then bullying my way to the top, that is the conclusion I’ve come to.”

- LEE KUAN YEW, THE MAN & HIS IDEAS, 1997

“The task of the leaders must be to provide or create for them a strong framework within which they can learn, work hard, be productive and be rewarded accordingly. And this is not easy to achieve.”

- LEE KUAN YEW, THE SINGAPORE STORY: MEMOIRS OF LEE KUAN YEW

“I am often accused of interfering in the private lives of citizens. Yes, if I did not, had I not done that, we wouldn’t be here today. And I say without the slightest remorse, that we wouldn’t be here, we would not have made economic progress, if

we had not intervened on very personal matters – who your neighbour is, how you live, the noise you make, how you spit, or what language you use. We decide what is right. Never mind what the people think.”

- STRAITS TIMES, 1987

“Life is not just eating, drinking, television and cinema…The human mind must be creative, must be self-generating; it cannot depend on just gadgets to amuse itself.”

- SPEECH AT CHINESE NEW YEAR AND HARI RAYA HAJI CELEBRATIONS HELD AT JOO SENG COMMUNITY CENTRE, 28TH FEB 1970, LEE KUAN YEW IN HIS OWN WORDS, 1959-1970


WHAT? Perinatal anxiety is a feeling of inadequacy; a type of mood disorder. Anxiety creates a lot of problems and the affected pregnant woman will find it difficult to get through the day. However, this mood disorder is often not recognized and hence tendency to seek professional help may be delayed.

WHO? Not just mothers, fathers can

also get perinatal anxiety, with self-doubts about their own competency in caring for the newborn.

WHEN? It can happen before delivery and in the immediate period after delivery. Research has shown that women experience depression and anxiety during pregnancy at the same rate as postpartum 10-15%.

PERINATAL ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION

PERINATAL DEPRESSIONoften coexists with perinatal anxiety. The patient may assume the sick role and refuses to get out of bed in the morning. She is unable to focus on her work and has difficulty getting to sleep at night. Small issues seem enormous to them and they can suffer from mental breakdown.

WHY is perinatal mood disorder important?Extreme stress during pregnancy can cause serious problems in their children. They have increased risk of schizophrenia and depression. It contributes to poor infant and child outcome. Maternal anxiety directly affects fetal behavior and heart rate. Pregnant women with high levels of mood disorder and/or stress have double the risk of premature birth, preeclampsia, infant temperament and intrauterine growth restriction compared to those with low stress levels.

ANTENATAL RISK FACTORS for perinatal mood disorder Antenatal depression, antenatal anxiety, family or personal history of depression, stressful life events, lack of social support, maternal personality (neuroticism), low self-esteem, relationship difficulties, obstetric and pregnancy complications all can predispose to perinatal mood disorder.

TREATMENT Medical treatment can be very challenging. Engagement of professional help offering psychotherapy can be useful.

PRACTICING ADDRESSSBCC Women’s Clinic (Clementi)Blk 443 Clementi Ave 3 #01-53 Singapore 120443Tel: 6774 1654

Important Facts To Know

By Dr Ben Choey, SBCC Women’s Clinic (Clementi)

pregnancy

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR CHILD HAS FOOD POISONING?


health

By Dr Wong Chin Koon, SBCC Baby & Child Clinic

GASTROENTERITIS VS FOOD POISONINGGastroenteritis refers to a gut (intestine) infection where there is diarrhea (frequent passage of loose or watery stools). The infection is frequently accompanied by vomiting which typically lasts 6 to 24 hours. The diarrhea usually lasts 2 – 4 days. Other associated features are fever, tummy ache and loss of appetite. Majority of these infections are caused by viruses.

Food poisoning is when the child develops gastroenteritis after eating food contaminated with the virus or bacteria. He may also get infected when he shares a cup or utensils with someone who has the virus. Another way your toddler may have picked up the illness is by coming in contact with contaminated toys or infected fecal matter and then putting his/her hands in her mouth.

HOW TO MANAGEMajority will recover with adequate rest, fever management and maintain. If you are breastfeeding, do not stop. Feed your child for a shorter time and more often. Breast milk is the best liquid for your child. If your child is vomiting, use a teaspoon or syringe to give regular sips of liquid (commercially prepared oral rehydration solution which has the right proportion of glucose and electrolytes preferred).

Starchy foods such as bread, cereals, pasta, and rice, and fresh fruits and vegetables are the best foods to give your child in small quantity. There is no need to withhold milk or switch to a lactose-free formula (e.g. soy) unless the diarrhea is more than 4-5 days.


not willing to drink no tears when crying vomiting often for more than 4 to 6 hours sunken eyes more than 6 large, watery diarrheas in 1 day stomach pain that is severe and does not stop less than 5 wet diapers in a day fast breathing dry skin, mouth, and tongue very sleepy or very fussy cool or grayish skin severe head or neck pain green vomitus blood in the vomit or diarrhea �bringing the knees up to stomach and crying (suggesting severe tummy ache)fever over 39°C, or 102.2°F, for longer than 12 hours �sunken fontanelle (the soft spot on your child’s head if he or she is less than 18 months old)

SEE A DOCTORWARNING SIGNSIF YOUR CHILD HAS ANY OF THE FOLLOWING

HELP TO LOWER THE CHANCES OF YOUR CHILD GETTING SICK�Wash your hands after

touching raw meat, chicken, or fish. �Keep meats that are not

being eaten or cooked in the refrigerator. �Do not feed your child meats

that are not cooked enough, particularly chicken and hamburger. �Throw away eggs with cracked

shells. Do not feed your child raw eggs. �Use different cutting boards

for raw meats and other foods. �Teach your child how to wash

her hands thoroughly with soap and warm water after every bathroom visit and before meals or touching food.�Help your child wash up every

time she comes home from daycare, a play-date, or an outing

PREVENT YOUR CHILD’S ILLNESS FROM SPREADING�Keep your child at home until the vomiting and

diarrhea stops. �Ask all who enter your home to wash their hands

after changing diapers or using the toilet, after your child vomits and before making and eating food. �Do not let anyone share eating utensils, such

as forks, knives, spoons, and chopsticks, or toothbrushes or drinking cups. If your child puts toys in the mouth, do not let him or her share toys.


diet

FOOD TO AVOID GIVING YOUR CHILD BEFORE BEDTIMEIs your child having trouble sleeping? It may be due to what they eat before they sleep. Suzanne Khor, Senior Dietician from Thomson Paediatric Centre (The Child Development Centre) shares five types of food to avoid giving children before their bedtime.

1 CAFFEINATED DRINKSIced tea, bubble tea, coffee and

some types of energy drinks contain caffeine . Children should not drink these drinks at all, and especially not at bedtime as they contain caffeine, a stimulant. Your child could have a lot of trouble getting to sleep after drinking caffeinated drinks.

2HIGH SUGAR DRINKSSoda, sweetened juice and

drinks that contain a lot of sugar should be avoided before sleeping. It may lead to tooth decay if they forget to brush their teeth before sleeping.

In addition, high sugar drinks may lead to a 'sugar high' and may be associated with hyperactive behavior.

3 FRIED FOODSIf junior's favorite food is fried

chicken or fries , it is ok to give him that occasionally, but not at bedtime . Oily food takes longer to digest and may cause stomach discomfort.

4CHOCOLATE, CANDY AND SWEETSChocolate contains a small amount

of caffeine, mixed with a high amount of sugar. Both of which are not at all helpful to help your child go to bed.

5 DRIED OR PRESERVED FRUITFruit is generally healthy, but at

bedtime, eating excessive fruit may cause your child to need to move his bowels, and lead to a delayed bedtime. It is better to give him fresh fruit earlier in the day, or at least a few hours before bedtime. Dried or preserved fruit also contain sugar and preservatives.

dental

By Dr Chin Shou King, Director of T32 Junior

The main odour causing sites in the mouth are the back of the tongue, the areas between the teeth and under the gum line. Ensure your child brushes twice a day, flosses regularly and brushes his or her tongue to prevent plaque build-up.

DRY MOUTH can also cause bad breath. It is normal to wake up with “morning breath” as saliva production drops during the night. If this persists throughout the day, your child may be persistently breathing through his or her mouth, causing the mouth to dry out and bad breath to occur. Dry mouth can also be caused by thumb sucking, chewing or sucking on a blanket or by certain medications. Sugar-free gum or sour candies encourage saliva production and make sure your child drinks plenty of water throughout the day.

CERTAIN ILLNESSES can trigger bad breath as well. If your child has an infection or congestion in the sinuses or nasal cavities, the post nasal drip can lead to bad breath. Tonsillitis can cause bad breath in children, especially if food gets caught in the crevices of the tonsils. If the tonsils have pockets of infection which open and begin to drain, the resulting products of infection can lead to bad breath. If your child has bad breath along with other symptoms of an illness, a visit to the pediatrician is in order.

Bad breath in children that doesn’t respond to the above measures should be checked out. There are some very uncommon, but tell-tale, odours that can indicate a more serious condition. Breath that smells like acetone can be a symptom of diabetes.

Dental causes of bad breath otherwise known as halitosis include poor oral hygiene, tooth decay and gum disease. Gum disease is rare in children so more often the cause is poor oral hygiene or tooth decay. The bacteria

that causes halitosis lives on food debris and dental plaque on teeth. The bacteria feeds on sulphur containing substrates, producing hydrogen sulphide in the process. It is this sulphide that gives off a “rotten egg smell”.

BAD BREATH IN CHILDRENWHAT SMELLS?

T32 Junior Dental Services • Consultation and Examination

• First Visit: Appointment and Procedure • Diet Counselling & Preventive Advice • Early Childhood Caries Assessment • Oral Hygiene Instructions for Parents and Children • Growth and Development

• Prophylaxis and Topical Fluoride Application • Fissure Sealants • Pulpal (Nerve) Treatment • Tooth Coloured Fillings • Stainless Steel Crowns • Extractions For more enquiries, please feel free to contact us at 6733 1388 or email us at [email protected].

T32 Dental Centre (Main Centre) One Orchard Boulevard, Camden Medical Centre #17-00 S(248649) | T: 6733 1388 | E: [email protected]

T32 Dental Pearl At Marina One Raffles Link #01-03 S(039393) | T: 6238 0268 | E: [email protected]

T32 Dental Pearl At Jurong 2 Jurong East Central 1, J Cube #B1-15 S(609731) | T: 6684 3833 | E: [email protected]

T32 Dental Pearl At Bedok 208 New Upper Changi Road (Bedok Central), #01-661, S (460208) | T: 6513 2173 | E: [email protected]

www.t32dental.com

Consecutive winner of 2011, 2012, 2013, & 2014


Why is it that some children approach and try new things with confidence while others feel that they are incapable? Rebecca Goh-Quek, Education Specialist at Kinderland Educare Services Pte Ltd offers ways for parents to help build their child’s self-esteem.

SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM IN CHILDREN

“Mummy I can’t… I don‘t know how to do it”

your child

Self-esteem is similar to self-worth, how we value ourselves. According to Hermine (1989),

self-esteem refers to our judgments about our own worth. It develops from seeing ourselves as competent individuals to accomplish given tasks and the ability to control or influence the environment.

Children with healthy self-esteem tend to enjoy interacting with others. They will work to find solutions for problems or challenges they encounter. On the other hand, children will low self-esteem tend to be reserved, withdrawn, and quiet or give up easily. They feel that they are unable to perform and hope that others will take over the task from them.

YOUR INVOLVEMENT IS IMPORTANTAdults’ involvement is key to helping children develop healthy self-esteem. Children need to feel that they are capable and are being valued through the adults’ positive responses. There is a need to create physical environments with developmentally appropriate materials which provides challenges and success within children’s reach for them to explore, in a certain sense allowing the children some choice and control.

For example during breakfast, allow the child to make a choice between cereal or bread. Do respect the choice that the child has made. Set reasonable demands, be realistic and do not impose unreasonable restrictions. Provide opportunities for children to strive towards independence and to develop where possible a sense of personal control.

Self-esteem changes from day to day or year to year. By observing the child’s willingness to explore the environment, control of events and listening to their


conversations among peers and adults, may be a way of assessing their self-esteem. However, it should not be based on only one or two statements, we need to be cautious in making interpretations.

SOME WAYS TO HELP CHILDREN TO BUILD SELF-ESTEEM ARE: Let them feel valued Praise and reward children for their effort and completion of a task instead of outcome. For example, if your child did not win an award in an art competition, say something like, “Well you did not win, but I am proud of the effort you put in to complete the artwork”. Praise them honestly, without overdoing it.

Stop and listen to children when they are trying to tell you something. Sometimes, you may not be able to completely understand what they are saying, but they need you to hear their thoughts and feelings. It shows that you value them.

Let them feel they are competentProvide success experiences for children by gradually increasing the difficulty

level of tasks. Breakdown the task into smaller steps and allow each child time to complete it; the child needs to feel that he/she is able to complete a task even with some struggles.

Let them feel they have autonomyProvide opportunities for children to make choices, even simple ones. Limit the choices to two rather than a variety. For example, as the child “Do you want to wear the red or blue t-shirt for the outing” and not “What do you want to wear for the outing?”.

Help children learn social skills Help them to learn interpersonal skills to interact with others. When differences arise, they can work towards finding a solution and voice their views without belittling themselves and others. Adults need to be aware of our own expectation for children and do not compare them with others. Instilling a sense of responsibility and pride in our children is greatest gift we can give them.

MY CHILDHave a preschooler that can’t sit still or pay attention? There is more than meets the eye.


your child

Sit Still?

Why Won’t

By Raihanah Ahmad, THK Therapy Services (The Children’s Therapy Centre)

SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER IN CHILDREN


Pre-schoolers and school-age children are typically expected to sit down to pay attention or complete academic-related tasks

for at least 20-30 minutes in school and at home. However, there are a handful of these children who struggle with such demands due to their inability to stay focus and attentive. These are children who are frequently misunderstood and perceived as disruptive, lazy or unmotivated. But often, there is more than meets the eye with these children and their behaviours.

What is Sensory Processing Disorder?The way our brain receives signals from our senses and tunes them into appropriate responses is commonly coined as sensory processing. Children with a Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) face challenges in performing everyday activities because their senses such as sight, sound and touch do not communicate efficiently with the brain resulting in a neurological “traffic jam”. Like any other condition involving our sensory systems, signs of SPD are exhibited within a broad spectrum of severity. SPD can affect individuals in one or more senses, for example, just touch or just movement, or a combination of both. An individual with SPD may over-respond to sensation and find clothing, physical contact or other sensory input to be intolerable. Another might under-respond and show little to no reaction to pain or extreme temperatures. These children, who exhibit an appetite for sensations

such as movements, are frequently in perpetual overdrive.

What Sensory Processing Disorder May Look LikeHere are some common signs of sensory processing difficulties that your child may be experiencing.

❶ Children with SPD who over or under-react to what they see, hear, touch, taste, smell or when they are moving in space are commonly seen to demonstrate some of the following extreme responses.Bothered by clothing labels or fabricsDistressed by light or unexpected touchDislikes messy playResists haircuts or nail cutting Squints, blinks, or rubs eyes frequentlyBothered by loud, unexpected sounds such as the school alarm or toilet flush Constantly “on-the-go” or prefers sedentary activities Extreme fears of climbing or falling or does not like his/her feet to be off the ground

❷ Difficulties in motor skills are also common among children with SPD Delays in fine motor development such as difficulty in holding and manipulating small objects, illegible handwritingDelays in gross motor development such as awkward movement while walking, running, climbing stairs,

catching a ball Delays in oral motor development such as drooling, gagging, unclear speech

Children who fall in either of these categories are considered to be experiencing problems interpreting the sensory information coming from their external environments which include home, school and public places. Successful completion of day-to-day tasks such as wearing the school uniform, eating breakfast, lining up for school assembly or riding a bicycle requires your child’s nervous system to process the sensation effectively.

Professional help You may consider seeking help from professionals if your child displays any signs of sensory processing difficulties that are affecting participation in their day-to-day activities. Sensory processing difficulties can also be a sign of other developmental conditions such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficits Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and learning difficulties. Hence, it is advisable to consult your paediatrician or have your child assessed and treated by a paediatric occupational therapist if you suspect that your child has difficulties processing sensory inputs.

Occupational therapy (OT) treatment using a sensory integration (SI) approach is a fun, play-based intervention that takes place in a sensory-rich environment. The goal of OT is to create appropriate responses to sensation in an active, meaningful, and fun way so your child is able take part in their everyday “occupations” in play, school and self-care activities in a functional manner.

Supporting Your Child’s Sensory System DevelopmentResearch has shown that our brain learns best in a sensory rich environment. Parents can support your child’s sensory development with some of these simple and fun activities.Messy play using different modalities such as paints, sand, lotion, macaroni to expose children to different texturesRough and tumble play that let children get physically involved and learn about their own bodies Plan family trips to places like Forest Adventure Bedok Reservoir Park, Toa Payoh Sensory Park, Jacob Ballas Children’s Garden at Botanical Gardens, Bishan Park Playground where they offer a variety of equipment that stimulate and challenge their sensory, physical, cognitive, social and emotional growth

Water or sand play at the beaches and swimming poolsGet your child involved in household chores by helping to set up dinner table or assist in meal preparation, clean the house, carry laundry or groceries basketGradually incorporate different food textures such as crunchy, chewy, smooth or thick textures into their meals

ResourcesIt is important that parents remember to create a safe, fun and controlled environment for your child when engaging your child’s participation in the activities above. Parents could also check out the following resources for more information on sensory processing disorder and how to help their child:

Useful websiteshttp://spdfoundation.net/about-

sensory-processing-disorder.html http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/http://www.parents.com/health/kids-who-feel-too-much/ http://sensorysmarts.com/practical_solutions.html

Recommended book titlesSensational Kids: Hope and Help for Children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) by Lucy Jane Miller

The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder by Carol Stock Kranowitz

Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues by Lindsey Biel and Nancy Peske


your child


“A steep learning curve and an exhilarating adventure.” Fiona Walker, Principal Of Schools & CEO, Julia Gabriel Education tells us how motherhood has enriched her life in so many ways.

5 Big Life Lessons

“Holding my newborn son in my arms for the first time was the most wonderful experience. I felt so proud, so blessed to be a part of such a miracle and overwhelmed with an enormous wave of love for him. Since then I have given birth to an equally wonderful daughter, they are now 12

and 8 and they are, without a doubt, my best teachers.”

1. It’s not all about you! I was woken up in the hospital after my son was born. I had finally fallen asleep after a 24-hour labour and my first thought at being woken was “Are you kidding me?? I am sleeping!” But when the nurse sweetly whispered, “Your son is hungry”, there was a seismic shift in my realization that I was not the centre of my own universe anymore! Little did I know at that time, that even having the chance to go to the bathroom alone would be become a highly valued experience.

2. This is not a little me! I think we often believe our child will be an adorable mix of Mummy and Daddy and we often spend their first few months linking every newly discovered behavior to either Mum or Dad or Aunty Annie or Great –Granny. The shocking fact is they are not! They are a unique individual with their own temperament, character, strengths and challenges and they need to be respected for that. We cannot assume they are a certain way, instead we need to take the time and delight in getting to know this amazing person we have been blessed with.

3. Life is better if you can be an Optimus Prime not a Negatron. The more we can focus on the positive the better things will be. I have often caught myself saying ‘No” over and over again, until even I am sick of hearing it. When I am conscious of that I make an effort to either change the subject,

change the environment or the focus so we can say “Yay!” Children really do thrive in a positive environment. The more you can praise them, point out positive behavior and share how happy they make you the easier it is to stay away from the negative cycle of unwanted behavior and punishments.

4. Change is the only constant. Parenting seems to be a never-ending learning curve! Just when you think you have got a handle on the latest stage of development; whether it is solid foods, starting independent school, sleeping through the night, it all changes! You can only be an expert for about 5 minutes and then you slide back down to the bottom of yet another learning curve! Now that I am facing the hormonal teenage years I look back on the days when I naively thought everything would be alright if I could just get them out of nighttime pampers! HA!

5. The most precious gift is to be PRESENT. Even now my children love nothing more than when I make time for just them, when I am not rushing them, or only pretending to pay attention while thinking about something else. We all say that our children are the most important in our lives but do we show them that? Look into their eyes when you feed them, ask them how their day was and wait to hear what they say, get down on the floor and play with their toys. Show them that they mean more to you than anything else by giving them your attention.

Our children are our greatest teachers. They let us see the world, once again, through the eyes of a child, they help us look at things from another point of view, but most of all they enable us look at ourselves honestly. Nothing has taught me more about myself and life than my journey as a mother.


mothers day special

BEATRICE CHIA-RICHMOND, Theatre Director and ActressBeatrice Chia-Richmond is a multi-award winning theatre director and actress. Not only is she one of Singapore’s most prominent creative figures, but she is also a caring, attentive mum to her 8-year-old son.

Since her directional debut in 2001 — which won two awards at the 2001 DBS Life! Theatre awards — Beatrice has directed over 40 productions. Among them are the acclaimed productions of BENT, which was awarded the prestigious “Play of the Year” in the 2003 Straits Times Life! Theatre Awards, and CABARET,

One mother is slated to direct the largest ceremony held at the new National Stadium in June this year. Another turned her real passion from a hobby into a successful career she loves. The third continues to work hard despite facing judgmental notions on her job. What do these three mums have in common? Jenny Tai speaks to Beatrice Chai-Richmond, Amy Nicholson and Karen Ong on their tenacity, motivation and above all, balancing work and family.

starring Asian superstar Fei Xiang. Other honors include the 2006

National Arts Council “Young Artist Award” — the nation’s highest accolade for the arts, and being appointed Creative Director for the 2011 National Day Parade. Beatrice is the first female director ever to receive this appointment.

In 2013, she was appointed Creative Director of the highly anticipated Opening and Closing Ceremonies of the 28th South-East Asian (SEA) Games, slated for 5 June 2015. It’s expected to be the largest ceremony held at the new National Stadium by far.

Despite her grueling schedule, Beatrice still finds time to be with her family in the midst of back-to-back meetings, show preparations, and rigorous rehearsals. She exemplifies an admirable ability to uphold her work ethics while being flexible enough to meet the demands of her professional and personal life. Through it all, she upholds a positive outlook on life and parenting, and offers practical advice for other mums.


TNAP: What’s your work schedule? On weekdays I wake at 6:15 AM. It is usually a mad rush to get Sol, my 8 year-old, ready for school. While thankfully he never protests about going to school, he can be difficult to rouse. We leave the house by 7 AM. After I drop him off I'll come home and get ready for work.

The first meeting of the day usually begins at 9 AM and is followed by back-to-back meetings throughout the day, interspersed with blocks of rehearsals for the SEA Games Opening and Closing Ceremonies. Most days, I don't finish work till 9 or even 10 PM. On the odd days I do get off a little earlier, I try to rush home to see Sol, go through his homework, pay bills, or squeeze in an hour of yoga. TNAP: When do you typically spend time with your kid? At the moment, because of the SEA Games Opening and Closing Ceremonies rehearsals, it’s been tough to spend quality time with Sol. The project is all-consuming. I make it a point to send him to school every morning, and if there is any opportunity during the early evening, to come back and have dinner with him.

Previously (before rehearsals began), the weekends were all about Sol. My husband Mark and I made it a point to take him for lunch, swimming lessons, catch a movie, and go cycling on Saturdays. Sundays are our family golfing days, so the three of us are usually on a golf course the entire day! It’s a great way to spend the day together.

TNAP: What do you find tricky about your current work/life/parenting set up?

When I am preparing for a show and rehearsals have yet not begun, I like to imagine that we get a pretty good balance in. I would be able to get off work by 6 PM to head home to have dinner with Mark and Sol, go through homework with Sol, watch a little television (Sol loves his National Geographic programmes), then take a bath and go to bed. Weekends are all about family time.

But once rehearsals begin, all that goes out the window as the schedule is pretty relentless. I am definitely fighting for time in the day to spend with the family. However, Mark and Sol know that this is always only temporary and that rehearsals don't last forever. They have gotten used to the fact that once rehearsals hit, I'm operating in a different "time zone." They are awfully supportive so I am a lucky, lucky girl!

TNAP: What advice would you give to aspiring mumtrepreneurs? My advice is that children thrive better on a consistent schedule. So even if you have a backbreaking schedule, try to keep the times you see your child consistent, rather than ad hoc moments. The inconsistencies build expectations and therefore disappointments.

Also, don't get trapped by guilt. It’s not a useful psychology to work under. Just work towards a regular schedule with your children and maintain it as best as you can.

Most importantly, don't try to be superhuman! No one is judging you!

AMY NICHOLSON, Creator and Designer of Children’s Clothing Brand, Cheeky Chaz Mother of two Amy Nicholson, 35, went from working in finance to creating a children’s clothing brand, Cheeky Chaz. Her fashion-forward designs have been spotted on Suri Cruise, and continue to attract local and overseas customers.

When she had her first child in 2009, she took a maternity leave from her finance role to spend time with her son. Between the demanding workload and long hours, she knew it would be difficult to return to the job and still be the hands-on mother she wanted to be.

By the time she moved to Singapore in 2010, she was a full time stay-at-home-mum. Drawing from her long-held passion for sewing and design, in her spare moments Amy hopped on her machine and created pieces for her son, nieces, and other close friends.

It was also then that she noticed a gap in the market in Singapore for unique and handcrafted children’s clothing for both boys and girls. There were many well-known labels but they were all mass-produced. Amy knew she could fill this gap. She decided to take her genuine love of design further, and officially launched Cheeky Chaz.

TNAP: What are the major differences between working in finance and being the creator of Cheeky Chaz? Which do you think allows more work/life balance? There are huge differences between what I was doing in finance and what

mothers day special


I do now. My job now is all about creating and is very visual. Finance roles unfortunately are a bit lacking on both these fronts! Having said that, there is much more to Cheeky Chaz than just designing and creating. It is running a business in itself and so there are definitely many skills and tools that I gained in my finance job that translate to small business.

My current role without a doubt

allows more work/life balance. It is just the nature of the role that I was in, that the hours were long and there were always critical deadlines to meet – deadlines that were being set by others.

Now, I set most of my own deadlines so I am able to take into account everything that is happening in my life and make these deadlines a bit more achievable and family-friendly!

TNAP: What are the most influential steps or events that made Cheeky Chaz successful? The thing I love about Cheeky Chaz is that the growth has been truly organic. The first real driver of growth was when I had retailers sit up and take note of Cheeky Chaz. I was contacted reasonably early on by a few retailers who had seen customers wearing


Cheeky Chaz and they followed up requesting to stock Cheeky Chaz in their stores. Obviously having a retail presence helps in creating brand awareness and so this all contributed to the growth of Cheeky Chaz.

The other major driver of growth came in September 2012 when Suri Cruise was photographed on numerous occasions wearing dresses from the Cheeky Chaz 2012

Summer Collection. These photos appeared in countless magazines, online blogs and newspapers. This generated significant interest in the brand and dramatically increased traffic on my website and of course sparked even more interest from retailers.

TNAP: What is the most rewarding part about your job?The most rewarding part of my job is seeing photographs of children wearing Cheeky Chaz pieces and receiving positive feedback from both the children and parents. It is still surreal when I am out and see children wearing clothing that I have designed or see a photograph of a child on the other side of the world wearing Cheeky Chaz. I really am working my dream job and doing something I have a real passion for. To see others being so receptive to the brand is thrilling and extremely rewarding.

Although I’m always excited to get new customers, many of my customers are repeat purchasers. I find this a real honour as I think this is the ultimate in feedback. It shows that they are happy with the product and have a certain connection to Cheeky Chaz.

mothers day special


Cheeky Chaz Apparels

TNAP: What is the most challenging part about your job? The most challenging part of the job is the juggling act and time constraints. I am across all aspects of Cheeky Chaz- which is so much more than just design and manufacture-all while trying to be a full time mother. So not only am I trying to manage everything that comes with running your own business, but I’m also trying to fit it all in around school drops offs, after school activities and play dates.

I am a very hands-on mother and my kids will always take priority, but at the same time I have a commitment to Cheeky Chaz. This means if I am to continue then I need to do whatever it takes to find enough hours in the day to get it all done.

TNAP: What is your work schedule like?My work schedule largely revolves around my kids. I really try hard to keep work time and family time separate – so when I am with the kids I am focused solely on them and when I’m working I focus purely on work, which means I either need them asleep or out of the house!

My youngest is only 2 years old so obviously he is quite active and still needs a lot of attention. He naps for a couple of hours during the day and I use absolutely every second of this time to be as productive as possible. It’s when I tend to pull out the sewing machine, pins and scissors, as this is something that I just cannot do while he is awake!

I have always been more of a morning person, so I am quite productive in the mornings before the rest of the house has woken up.

Evenings are also very important. I try and structure my week so that whilst I would typically do something Cheeky Chaz related each night, it does not consume the entire night.

As Cheeky Chaz continues to grow I am finding that so too are the demands on my time and so I am taking steps to be a little more structured in my work. I have a few additional slots each week where I have someone watch the kids for me so I can dedicate additional hours to work.

I work 7 days a week but try and limit what I do on weekends. Weekends are all about my husband and children. I also use weekends to try and plan for the week ahead and prepare.

TNAP: How do you and your husband fit marriage into the balance?

Just as it’s important for me to make time for my kids, it’s equally important to make sure I have time with my husband. Luckily he takes an interest in what I do and is very encouraging. So not only is he understanding when some or all of my evening is taken up with work, but he happily gets involved too where possible.

I might have one night when I work until very late, which enables me to relax more another night and spend time with my husband. Then of course there are weekends.

TNAP: What advice do you have for mothers seeking to bring their talents/passions to the next level, from a hobby to a career? Ensure that as you progress from hobby to career, you manage yourself

in such a way that you maintain your love of whatever it is you are doing. When it’s a hobby, you are doing it because you want to do it and enjoy doing it. As you transition this into a career it’s important that you continue to love what you do. It is this passion that will keep you motivated when times are tough and will help to distinguish you from others.

In addition to that, believe in yourself and be sure you take steps to set realistic and achievable targets.All Cheeky Chaz products are available at www.cheekychaz.net.

KAREN ONG, Student and House Cleaner Karen Ong is a 21-year-old mother who works as a cleaner to help support her family. She is also in her final year at Republic Polytechnic. She juggles studying, work, and family all at once to ease the financial burden off her husband.

While most young Singaporeans would never dream of taking up cleaning jobs, Karen is determined to be a role model to her daughter – to prove that no job in this world is embarrassing, especially if you’re doing it to secure a better future for your family.

Karen began working in the cleaning industry by handling cleaning chores at a local childcare centre. She is currently working as a contracted cleaner for Helpling, a company that offers on-demand home cleaning services. On top of that, she is an administrator and instrumentalist at a local Dragon and Lion Dance Troupe company.


TNAP: Can we start by knowing what your work schedule is like? My work schedule is flexible. I do several part time jobs. Helpling complements my schedule well because I can choose where and when I want to work. There are days when I can work for four hours and others when I can only commit to two.

TNAP: Some people have negative notions toward cleaning jobs. Do you have any insights to dispel this negative notion?The reason why people have a negative notion toward cleaning jobs is because the majority of cleaning jobs is done by uncles, aunties and foreign workers. Youngsters would not want to be seen as

a cleaner because it makes them appear as an “auntie” or “uncle”. But I feel that being a cleaner is not illegal and it’s a proper job that still pays in the end.

TNAP: What’s the most surprising thing about being a cleaner?People would think that a cleaning job pays really little but at Helpling, I am easily earning more than my peers at other “cooler” retail jobs, so I don’t see what’s wrong with being a cleaner.

TNAP: How did you first get the idea to tap into the cleaning industry?I first saw the Facebook advertisement stating something along the lines of

“Earn as high as $16/hour with a cleaning household job” so I thought why not? I can clean and it pays well. That’s why I applied to be a Helpling cleaner.

TNAP: When do you typically spend time with your kid?I normally spend time with my daughter after school. I make sure to finish all my school work in school before heading home to spend quality time with her instead of being boggled by school work. I also try to get jobs that end earlier so I can spend the rest of the day with her.

TNAP: What do you like best about your current work/life/study/family set-up?

mothers day special


Time flies really quickly so I find myself looking forward to seeing my family after a long day.

TNAP: What do you find tricky or tough about your current work/school/family set-up?Time is limited and never enough. There are also times when I get judgmental stares and looks whenever I go out with my family because I am a young mother.Having to sacrifice time, freedom, friends and money.

TNAP: What does your husband do? Is he supportive of your

decision to work and study?My husband is a police officer with the Singapore Police Force.

I have to complete school so he is supportive of it. He would prefer me not to work but he respects my decision. I felt that I had to help lighten his financial burden especially since we are planning for a second child.

TNAP: How does your husband inspire you? How does your child inspire you?My husband inspires me with his attitude in life. He knows what he wants in life and he goes out of the way to make sure he gets it.

My daughter also inspires me with her determination to get what she wants. Recently, she started learning how to crawl and she would crawl all the way to what she wants no matter what.

TNAP: What lessons or advice do you wish to impart on your daughter?I would tell her to not marry at such a young age like me. And that life may be tough at times but all we can do is to take things in our stride one step at a time. Part of me taking up a cleaning job with Helpling is also wanting to be a role model to her, letting her know that her mom works hard to raise her in a healthy family. And that cleaning is a decent job that pays the bill.

TNAP: What advice would you give to new mums, struggling mums, or single mums about juggling work, family and life?To always plan ahead. Before I gave birth to my daughter, I had everything planned out to smoothen my transition into motherhood in terms of school, work, accommodation etc. Now, I make a set of timetables for myself so I can allocate enough time for school, work and family.

TNAP: Do you have other advice of any kind that might motivate our readers?Parenthood is not easy but it’s rewarding. There are times when we feel that life is tough but having a positive mindset is important and it will make things feel a lot easier.


LETTING GO OF MUMMY’SFIRST-TIME MUM SERIES

GUILT36 The New Age Parents

By Rachel Tan

Grappling with Guilt Two and a half years after becoming a mother, I am still trying to grapple with guilt. It hit me the first and subsequent times my baby girl fell off the bed after I turned my back on her for two seconds. It hit me when she cut her chin on the edge of the coffee table after I let her dance with wild abandon in the hotel room. It hit me when she cried upon drop-off in pre-school. And it hit me when I lost my temper at her for not letting me cook dinner in peace. It still hits me... much too hard, if I might add, and more often than not, I spend the nights getting consumed by so much guilt that I break down at the thought of how I am nowhere near worthy of being my daughter’s mother.

It is immensely challenging to ditch that guilt and walk out of its shadows; I get a sense that most mothers I know aim to do their very best for their children and to feel that our best isn’t good enough to prevent the unpleasantries can be a huge blow.

Walking out of the ShadowBut, it is important to try to remind yourself that dwelling on what has happened and getting caught up in the guilt that ensues are not healthy habits. Why not put our energy and focus on how to rectify the mistakes, if any, and how we should accept that certain things are out of our control, even if we feel the strong urge to protect our children from the nasties of life.

I remember crying on seeing the blood flow from my daughter’s chin after she hit the edge of the coffee table. Had it not been for the calmer and more level-headed half that is my husband,

she would have bled even more because all Mama did was to give in to the guilt and cry. And on losing my temper, I feel terrible whenever that happens, but perhaps more effort should be made to teach myself to calm down when the going gets tough, and less time should be wasted on lamenting over my inability to control my temper?

This is easier said than done, of course. We are but human and we lose control of our emotions at times. There are ways of keeping that guilt in check and regardless of the methods we use to do that, letting go of Mummy’s guilt is akin to working out at the mental gym.

With Patience and PracticeSome people leave notes that they can quickly visit to affirm their thoughts, others may write the episodes down on their journals or turn to fellow parents for help. I try to remind myself of what’s important by telling my husband how I feel about these matters; that way, he knows when to raise the flag and bring me back to what I need to do as a parent, instead of letting me drown in guilt.

I get to practise, with and without success at first, letting guilt go and focusing on the things that require my immediate attention, and the truth is one gets better with practice...slowly perhaps, but surely. I hope that one day, I will get to a point where I look at guilt in the eye, acknowledge its presence for the briefest moment possible and delve elbow-deep into what is necessary to be there for my child.

Stay tuned for part four of our ‘First Time Mum’ series in our next issue!

Oh, the forbidden G word that plagues us all right from the day the pregnancy test kit hollers that a baby is on its way. The G word that quietly gnaws at us at times, and brings us to our knees and have us weep uncontrollably at others. The G word that is so very hard to shake off, because we are wired to feel that we should do every, if not most, things right for our children. And this is the same G word that we have to learn to let go off, because shouldering it for miles on end is not going to help.

mothers day special


COVERPAGE CONTESTT H E N E W A G E P A R E N T S

Aspen NgFIRST PLACE


Trixie Lee Wen Yee

RUNNER UP

Lovelle Nurina Tan

SECOND RUNNER UP


growing up

Jenny Tai shares why she will hold back from doing anything for her girl things she can already do herself, or things that she can almost do herself.

She spends ten minutes trying and failing, and trying again until the repeated failure is too much for her to bear. Then there is screaming, crying, a scrunched up face reddened from frustration. “I can’t do it!”

I want to help her. As her parent I constantly have to hold back from jumping in to save the day at the first sign of struggle. But instead I say gently, “You can do it, Chloe.” Because I know she can, just as she learned to put on her shoes, button up her cardigan, and spread peanut butter on toast without jabbing the bread apart.

“Try again,” I say. “Then I’ll help you and we can do it together, if you want.”

One time, when Chloe struggled to put on her socks (the fabric was all bunched up at her toes and she couldn’t pull it up to cover her heel and ankle) my mother said, “She doesn’t know how to do it. Just do it for her.”

But I hold back from doing anything for Chloe that she can already do herself, or things that she can almost do herself. It’s this “almost there” phase that’s most troublesome to get past. She’s not quite there yet; should I let her find her own way? Or should I help?

I want to respect my child enough to let her try. Everyone deserves a chance

IT’S OKAY, TRY AGAIN

TNAP VALUE SERIES: TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THE VALUE OF…FAILING


to succeed, and everyone deserves a chance to fail.

Try, Try, Try Again Let’s look beyond a toddler’s capabilities toward the future, to an adolescent’s responsibilities. Homework, school projects, group assignments, exams, sports games and tournaments, research papers: all of these require self-discipline, self-motivation, restraint, and time management. Am I going to “help” Chloe by building her science project, over-editing her essays, and policing her schedule, or am I going to let her manage herself?

If she makes occasional mistakes, misses a major deadline, does poorly on a few tests, or gets a low grade for a subject, would I blame myself?

My aunt advised me not to ever approach or complain to the teacher about my child’s marks in class. “Just get your child to talk to the teacher herself. Tell her to ask for help. But don’t do it for her.”

Don’t overparent, was her main point. As Jessica Lahey, educator and author of The Gift of Failure wrote, overparenting has “the potential to ruin a child’s confidence and undermine an education in independence.”

No one likes experiencing failure. The only worse feeling is watching your child fail. Their self-esteem is crushed, however temporarily. They feel shocked, angry, lost, and bitter at how unfair the world seems. And they will probably be reluctant and scared to try again because what if they do it wrong again? It’s one of the hardest things, as a parent, to watch your child fail and blame yourself. But do you really expect them to have a perfect, unmarred childhood?

Perfection is an illusion, isn’t it? Resilience and perseverance are real, and the good news is, they can be taught.

The Upside to FailureWhat good could come out of failing? A child builds up his emotional resources so that he’s better able to cope with the next setback, to stand up after the next fall. He can deal with rejection because he knows rejection. Children need to be reassured that everyone is afraid sometimes, but the difference is in who goes at it anyway, who risks failure anyway, who picks up the thrown wristwatch, and re-aims the needle at the hole till they finally get it in.

Let’s teach our children that it’s normal to be frustrated and make mistakes. Just do better next time. If children only stick to what they are

at good at, how will they ever venture out to new territories and challenges? Discover new things? We’ll only raise children who play it safe.

I don’t want Chloe to play it safe. So I will give her the chance to step up, be brave, and solve her own problems. And if she reaches the point where she really needs help, I hope she knows she can ask.

You, like me, probably never knew you could love or believe in someone so deeply until you had your baby. I’m still learning to let Chloe fail. It’s hard. But she needs to take responsibility for her errors, and discover how strong she really is once she finally breaks through limits. Because that’s when success is sweetest.

Stay tuned for the next part of our ‘Value’ series as we talk about Teaching Our Children The Value Of…Free Play


How Old Is Too Old?

growing up


How old is a child too old to drink from a milk bottle?A child can become attached to their bottle because it provides comfort on top of providing nourishment. The longer the wait to start transition to a cup, the more attached the child may become and the more challenging it can be to break the bottle habit.

Usually babies can start drinking from a cup from around 6 months, with some spilling. By 12 months, most babies should have the motor dexterity to hold and drink from cup. Do note that prolonged sucking from a bottle, especially of milk, juices or sugary drinks, increases the risk of cavities.

How old is a child too old for a baby sitter or nanny?A child is never too old for a companion. However, ‘too old’ is likely when the child feels and expresses displeasure about having a minder.

How old should children stop using the pacifier?When the cons of the pacifier outweighs the pros. Prolonged sucking when lying down increases risk of ear infection (mucus can be pulled towards the Eustachian tube). Sucking also teaches the tongue to rest in a downward position instead of the palate, which may hinder adequate articulation development. Prolonged use of pacifier may also result in crooked teeth.

Plugging the mouth with a pacifier can also delay the development of verbalization and expressive language development when a child relies on pointing instead of making sounds or words to make requests.

By about 2 years old, a child is at the age to know what they want, make demands, and protest, resulting in increased challenges when weaning. It is easiest to wean when a child is younger, by helping them find other ways to self-sooth, like a soft-toy, or blanket.

How old is a child too old to be fed?If a child can do it, the child should do it. Self-feeding involves coordination and motor dexterity. Therefore, the more a child practices, the better developed are the skills in these areas.

How old is a child to be terrified everywhere?If a child has a secure attachment with their parents, the child will turn to them for requests, comfort and care. It would be good to understand, offer security and address the child’s worries. Fears have to be faced, and it would be most appropriate if a child gets their parents’ support, and encouragement.

Absent parents can enlarge the feelings of helplessness and fear in the child, therefore increasing bonding time can help improve a child’s emotional well-being. It is recommended that parents seek help from a psychologist if they feel that their child’s fears greatly impacted their daily activities.

PRACTICE ADDRESS:Thomson Paediatric Centre - The Child Development Centre10 Sinaran Drive #09-04 Novena Medical Centre Singapore 307506Tel: 6397 6627

How do you know if your child has outgrown a certain phase? When is the appropriate time to stop certain practices with them? We asked Cindy Long, Psychologist at Thomson Paediatric Centre (The Child Development Centre).

How old is your boy too old to go to the toilet with you?If a child is independent in terms of toileting and hand washing needs, he can use the toilet by himself. Usually by 5 years old. However, if there are other concerns, he may go to the women’s toilet until someone feels uncomfortable (you, him, or a fellow toilet user). A family or handicap toilet is a good alternative.

How old is your girl too old to sit on daddy's lap?That depends on how much weight daddy’s lap can bear. Until then, as long as girl and daddy are comfortable, there is never a “too old” for some parent-child contact.

How old is a child too old to be bathed by an adult?This depends on the reason for bathing assistance and comfort level. A child should be given opportunities to be independent as soon as they can manage. Speed and thoroughness are common reasons adults intervene. In such cases, practice makes perfect and adults should guide rather than take over.


MotherlyFriendships5 REASONS WHY YOUR MUM FRIENDS ARE SO SPECIAL

for the parent


Valentine’s Day was earlier this month, and many of us would have showed our spouse how much we love them, in big ways or small. But we don’t often take the time to really appreciate the girl friends in our lives, especially those who are mums, who make this journey of motherhood that much more sane, beautiful, and meaningful.

Here’s to our mum friends and five reasons why we think they are special!

#1 THEY ARE YOUR S.O.S. HELPLINEOur mum friends are just a phone call or text message away. Shooting pains in your breast at 2am? Toddler threw the mother of all tantrums over a glass of spilt milk and you are at your wit’s end? Your pre-schooler got punched by a boy in his class? Our mum friends are our go-to sources for comfort, encouragement, wisdom, insight and advice at all hours of the day. Sometimes, literally 24/7.

#2 THERE’S NO NEED FOR SMALL TALKBefore becoming a mum, a significant chunk of initial conversations with

friends used to comprise largely of small talk. How is your husband? How’s work? Where did you come from? But with mum friends who have known us for years and seen us at our most vulnerable (remember those 2am desperate phone calls?), it’s normally a “How are you?” that gets the ball rolling, and the conversation flows.

#3 THEY REALLY DO GET ITOur husbands may have all the best intentions in the world, but there are muments when we may have to accept that “the men don’t get it”. There’s nothing quite like having a fellow mum who has endured breastfeeding

As mothers, it’s all too easy to use other mums as our benchmarks of success. We can’t help but compare how our kids are doing compared to so-and-so. We stand up for the child-raising methods we live by. We are pro-breastfeeding or pro-formula-fed, support the Cry-It-Out method or attachment parenting. And yet, at the end of the day, we are all Mums. Period.

challenges, the emotional upheaval of your child’s first day of childcare or school and the guilt of losing your cool, who immediately gets how you feel, and why you feel that way. And remember, mother’s intuition isn’t just limited to parenting our own kids.

#4 THEY WIDEN YOUR HORIZON Every family, and every mother, has her own unique set of values and principles to parent by. Our mum friends are the voices that give us alternative opinions to consider, that force us to confront the flaws in our logic, and inject fresh perspective into our parenting and other relationships.

#5 THEY GIVE YOU THE HEADS UPWhen our mum friends have kids who are older than our children, and when they share their experiences, joys and struggles in parenting their kids, we get a glimpse into what our future holds, about potential pitfalls to avoid, issues to think through, boundaries to set in place, balances to strike.

#6 THEY ARE YOUR CHEERLEADERSBeing a new parent is a steep learning curve, and that learning never actually stops. We all need friends to stand by us in times of stress, anxiety, fear and failure, and our mum friends are that much-needed source of support and encouragement through all of life’s storms. Together, we can weep over the losses and regret, and celebrate milestones and victories. Indeed, what would we do without our marvelous mum friends?

By Dorothea Chow

Do you know of a mum friend who fits the above

bill? Call them, text them, or write a note; tell them how much you appreciate their

friendship!


home

[1] THINK ROUND AND SOFTRepeat after me: round edges are good, sharp square edges are bad. Oh no, you might think, there goes my sleek edges but don't despair just yet! Round furniture is

just as capable of bringing out the stylish factor you're aiming for. Think rounded Ottomans and sofas sets. And while you're at it, invest in plenty of soft furnishings for your home as well. This means tasteful

HOMEA Beautiful And

Childproof

You know what they say: it's not possible to have a childproof home that is also beautiful. But guess what? It is possible to have a home that is both beautiful and safe for the kids. Here are 7 simple tips to dress up your home. By Lilian Wu

poofs and cushions (with no detachable small parts!) that run with your theme.

[2] DITCH THE COFFEE TABLECoffee tables are great for resting the legs after a long day or holding your movie snacks, but they are really quite the hazard to your still-happily-oblivious-to-danger-zones child. So instead of coffee tables, why not go for poofs instead? They are not just soft and stylish, they fulfil a double function as a mini table as well. Oh and forget about leaving things like remote

controls and beverages that your little one can pounce on gleefully. If you don't want your child to touch it, then it shouldn't be anywhere they can reach at all.

[3] DO A SWITCHEROO WITH YOUR HEAVY DECORATIONS To ensure that nothing heavy falls onto your child as they run amok through your home, there are some things that you have to put away until your child is older. This means that breakable items such as the hefty statue from Bali or that prized antique vase will have to be stored elsewhere. Replace the heavyweights with lighter décor accessories, at least until your child is mature enough to know that not everything is their plaything or can be put into their mouths.

[4] SECURE YOUR RUGSRugs are a good thing to have because they provide a nice soft area for your kids to play on, especially if you have parquet or tiled flooring. But do remember to secure them to the floor with an anti-slip guard in case your child trips over it and falls.

[5] MOUNT THE TV TO THE WALLRemember what we said about replacing heavy accessories in your home with lighter ones? Ditto for the television. Instead of putting it on the console, why not mount it onto the wall instead? This will not only make things look sleeker, it will also prevent the very unfortunate event of your child pulling down the television onto themselves. The same goes for other pieces of furniture in your home. Have them anchored to the wall if you can manage it, so the furniture doesn't fall on your children when they attempt to show off their climbing skills.

home


[6] GO DOWN TO YOUR CHILD'S LEVELOkay, you've removed everything that is a potential threat to your little one's well-being. Your home now has a softer and rounder look so your child doesn't accidentally injure themselves in the course of their wild playtimes. In fact, all your furniture pieces and rugs have been securely locked down so nothing is going to fall on or trip your children. You're as childproofed as you possibly can be. But

wait a minute. Have you gotten down to their level to see what other places that can lead them to mischief or grief?

This includes trailing wires on the floor, window dressing cords, stray pills, power sockets, coins etc. They are all potential disaster zones so make sure you do the necessary to keep such things out of your child's reach. Think of it as part of the important de-cluttering process. After all, a cluttered home doesn't look good in any occasion. Don't want your little one to fly down the stairs or enter a certain room? Then have baby gates installed to block the way.

THE KEY THING TO STYLING YOUR HOME TO BE A SAFER PLACE

FOR YOUR CHILD IS THIS: NEVER LOSE YOURSELF

IN THE PROCESS AND END UP WITH A

FUNCTIONALLY BORING LOOKING HOME THAT

YOU HATE. CREATIVITY IS THE MOTHER OF

INNOVATION SO IF YOU HAVE OTHER INVENTIVE IDEAS, DON'T FORGET TO

SHARE IT WITH US!

[7] INVEST IN SLIP COVERS FOR YOUR SOFAYour relatives and friends might have advised you this: never buy sofas in white because they will never stay that way with kids. The bad news is they are probably right, but the good news is that you can preserve your sofa's dignity through the use of slip-covers. IKEA Singapore has plenty of those for sale so you can choose from a wide range of colours to spice things up. Or you can get them custom-made to switch things around whenever you want a change.

THIS ARTICLE IS CONTRIBUTED BY RENONATION



EDITOR Michelle Ang

EXPERTS SBCC Baby & Child Clinic, SBCC Women’s Clinic,

Thomson Paediatric Centre (The Child Development Centre), T32 Junior Dental Centre, Kinderland Educare Services Pte Ltd, Julia Gabriel Centre & THK Therapy Services

(The Children's Therapy Centre)

WRITERSDorothea Chow, Som Yew Ya, Jenny Tai & Rachel Tan

CONTRIBUTORS Renonation

Art & Design

ART DIRECTOR Michelle Ang

Marketing & Advertising

BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MANAGERElaine Lau

Web Administration

WEB DEVELOPMENT DIRECTORSeow Poh Heng

If you wish to contribute to the magazine, we will love to hear from you.Do email us at [email protected]

For advertising enquiries, email us at [email protected]

While every care is taken in the production of the magazine, the publisher, editor and its team assume no responsibility for any inaccuracies and omission, which might arise. Opinions by the contributors

and advertisers are not necessarily those of the publisher and the editor. The articles in the magazine are for references only. If you have any queries on any health condition for you and your child, you should seek

professional medical advice.

editorial team

the new age parents apr may 15

Documents