the negative self-talk that could be ruining your career

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The Negative Self-Talk That Could Be Ruining Your Career 16 June 2016

It can be all-too-easy to let our self-talk slip into negative language with costly consequences for our career. Learn to limit the impact by practising mindful awareness of these negative self-talk patterns.

The language we use is important. It both reflects our

internal working model of the world, and creates it. And

so how we talk to ourselves is both revealing and

influential.

We talk to ourselves all day long. And it can be easy to

slip into negative self-talk that sends us into a downward

spiral which can be difficult to break free of.

Look out for these 6 negative self-talk patterns that are

commonly impacting us at work.

#1. My success requires perfection

When perfection is the goal, we'll always be left with a

troubling sense of incompleteness, could-do-more and

failure. And then we start to lose sight of what we have

achieved; and what is actually required. Get some much-

needed perspective and have a conversation with someone

close to the situation. Notice that success is not a game of

perfect.

#2. My destiny is fixed

It's easy to "decide" that we are simply destined to succeed

or fail. And this negative self-talk removes the burden of

our responsibility - so feels good, initially. But it's an excuse

that ultimately stands in our way. And outside our own

thinking, we know that it's an irrational thought; that our

destiny is in our own hands. So watch for the negative

side of this thinking - and challenge it by taking

responsibility.

#3. I always/never do that

"Always" and "never" are some pretty big words. But

actually, there isn't much we always or never do. Maybe

we do something "a lot". Or "rarely". But not the extremes

of always and never. This self-talk promotes the belief that

we have no option for change. But of course, we do.

Challenge your always. Ask: when, specifically?

Challenge your never. Ask: when could you?

#4. I succeed only when others approve of me

External approval is a reality in the world of work. But it

is only a part of the picture. And when our negative self-

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talk starts equating external approval with our only sense

of success and of self, problems ensue. Our feelings of

success are not given to us by others, but made within us.

The approval of others is simply feedback to add to our

own self-approvals.

#5. My past is my future

Our brain looks for analogy, patterns and like-thinking.

Which is why memories are contextual: negative

memories attract other negative memories. And so isolated

incidents turn into series of recalled failures which erode

confidence and make a different future seem impossible.

Challenge this thinking by simply deciding this is your

moment to make a change that creates a different future.

#6. My feelings are reality

We create (skew?) our reality when we attach to the

stories we tell ourselves - and the feelings those stories

evoke. Such negative self-talk keeps us from our full

potential. But we can challenge this thinking by learning

to take an objective look at our feelings: to separate fact

from fiction. Practise simply noticing how you are feeling.

No judgement, just observation. And name those feelings -

in a word, only.

Developing awareness and taking responsibility

The different patterns of our negative self-talk all have in

common that they keep us out of our responsibility. But by

practising mindful awareness of such thinking (and

believing), we can limit the impact on our careers.

Dan Beverly is a leadership and performance coach helping high-calibre, high-

performing professional women embrace the pivotal career moments.

His mission is to inspire possibility in others: to help us excel in careers without

compromise; and to leave us feeling energised and uplifted by a new future.

Go online to book your “Session Zero” with Dan – and start capitalising on

your pivotal career moments today.

http://danbeverly.com/session-zero

