the myth of love workbook...the human reality about love is drowned in lies, illusions and...

The Myth of Love

Workbook

Leonie Blackwell

©2015 Leonie Blackwell 2

©Leonie Blackwell, 2015

All rights reserved. No part of this booklet may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic,

electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage

retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations

embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this booklet

may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work

are solely those of the author.

The author of this booklet does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a

form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician,

either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature

to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the

information in this booklet for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author assumes no

responsibility for your actions.


Contents

Introduction ........................................................................................................................................................... 4

Living a Real Life .................................................................................................................................................. 5

Resolution and Empowerment Tapping Script – Living Now .......................................................................... 8

Life-saving Love .................................................................................................................................................. 10

Waiting for my Real Life Protocol .................................................................................................................... 11

Idealised Partner ................................................................................................................................................. 13

Mythical Partner Protocol .................................................................................................................................. 18

Double the Focus ................................................................................................................................................ 24

Resolution & Empowerment Tapping Script – Double the Focus .................................................................. 25

Convenient Love ................................................................................................................................................. 29

Convenient Giver Protocol ................................................................................................................................ 30

Sacrificial Mentality ............................................................................................................................................ 33

Sacrificial Protocol .............................................................................................................................................. 34


Introduction

So your experiences of love have been a bit challenging and you want to understand

more about yourself, what drives your beliefs, feelings and thoughts about love and clear

what is no longer working for you? Well, that is the exact purpose of this workbook.

The human reality about love is drowned in lies, illusions and deceptions. We are sold

romantic love as the only love to seek and yet it is short-lived and in the long run

unfulfilling. In search of something better human nature is to swing to the opposite. Yet,

only seeking self-love and not needing anyone leaves us isolated and alone. My passion

is all about finding the middle ground and on this topic it’s about finding balance in love.

When forming relationships with others, we share parts of ourselves, and this is normal.

But it is about the proportion that we share with others and have for ourselves that is

vital to master. Where people give so much of themselves to one person that they don’t

have anything left for others they find themselves in a co-dependant relationship. Where

a person shares little or nothing of themselves with others they are disconnected, isolated

or experienced as having a hardened outer shell. Where one person controls another’s

life totally, then an abusive relationship is in existence. These relationship dynamics can

be played out by a parent with a child or a child with the parent, in a relationship

between consenting adults, by siblings, and even in sporting, hobbies, community,

friendship groups and within church groups.

Society doesn’t display healthy relationships as the norm. Television and movies are

filled with romantic versions of marriage and families were they merge with each other.

Sitcoms show people putting each other down constantly and it having no negative

impact on them. This is not what real people experience in real life. The reality is we

want to be loved and accepted by others, and we get hurt when we are not. Personal

boundaries must be respected for us to feel whole, worthwhile, and valued by others. We

are often not taught this and therefore have to learn it through experiences.

The following information comes from my book Making Sense of the Insensible: The

Ten Injustices of Our Life Lessons.

You can purchase the paperback version from:

www.leonieblackwell.com/store if based in Australia

www.amazon.com for those outside Australia

The eBook version can be purchased from either site from anywhere

in the world.

http://www.leonieblackwell.com/store

http://www.amazon.com/


Wanting love to be like it is in the fairy tales.

Living a Real Life Too often we move through life without actually living it, because we are waiting for our

real life to begin. Having had experiences that tore away innocence, we create the

fantasy of another life waiting. There is no greater myth than the one about life-saving

love because it is archetypal. Movies, books, television, music and computer games fill

our minds with the myth that love will save us from our lives, no matter our cultural or

religious upbringing. The knight in shining armour always saves the wretched maiden –

or as seen in Drew Barrymore’s character in Ever After, the maiden now saves the

wretched knight. Either way the message is clear: love makes the world go round, love

lifts us up, and love is the answer. When we find love and our lives aren’t miraculously

transformed, we decide that:

We aren’t being loved enough

We aren’t loveable

We aren’t worthy of true love

We go in search for more.

A great freedom is available as we realise the lie in the myth. Love does not only come

from a partner; we don’t need to be loved by anyone for our real life to begin. Through

this lesson, we have the opportunity to feel secure in the knowledge that this is our life.

We are living it right now, and we are the only ones responsible for what happens in it.

As adults, we no longer need to entrap ourselves in a child’s pain of rejection,

abandonment, or conditionality.

By looking back at our childhoods with empathy, compassion and forgiveness, and by

accepting the context of time and place, we can heal the sense of a lack of love from

early caregivers. When we refuse to do this, we stay angry, bitter and resentful of parents

and extended family for their choices and circumstances. The longer we stay like this,

the longer we stay in the myth of love fixing everything. Instead, relationships become

complicated as we look to partners to be the ones to make up for the inadequacies of

parents and families.

Chapter 9 The Injustice of Emotionality pages 179 - 180

What messages have you absorbed or formed during your life?

My favourite movies are: ____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

The messages about love they presented were: ___________________________________


___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

How have they influenced your ideas about love? _________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

My favourite books are: ______________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

My favourite television shows are: _____________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

My favourite artists are: ______________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

The messages in their songs about love are: ______________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________



___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

My favourite computer games are: _____________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

For me love is… ____________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

And my life reflects this by… __________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Have you ever had experiences of heartbreak, loss or unrequited love? How did you feel?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

What beliefs did you form about yourself, love, life or life processes, and other people?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Have you ever been the source of someone else’s heartbreak, loss or unrequited love?

How did you feel? ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

What beliefs did you form about yourself, love, life or life process, and other people?

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


Resolution and Empowerment Tapping Script – Living Now

Round 1

TH: Even though it’s normal to want a real life with real love

EB: My mind can’t just let it be normal

SE: It has to create it into an unmet need

UE: This triggers off my fear responses that if I take what I have I will miss out on

something better

TL: This then sets off a cascade of emotionally painful experiences in my minds reality

CH: But it’s not how my life really is right now

CB: It’s just my fears running stories from my past

UB: I don’t really need certain conditions to exist for me to feel this is my real life filled

with real love

UA: And I don’t need specific circumstances to exist for me to be living my real life right

now filled with real love; I already am living my real life with real love

Round 2

TH: By interpreting the myths of love as being about me I have created a belief that ____

___________________________________________________________________________

(write in what you believe about love from the source of your influencers – movies,

books, television, music, computer games, etc.)

EB: That belief that _______________________________________________ then colours

my experiences so it feel like it’s true

SE: But it’s not true

You may have several of these so you can do the round several times with each

belief you have formed.


Round 3


___________________________________________________________________________






Round 4


___________________________________________________________________________






Round 5

Tapping on all points say:

I’m letting it all go

Round 6

Tapping on all points say:

The only truth is I already am living my real life with real love


The love submerged in illusion. Waiting, waiting, waiting…

Life-saving Love The lesson will provide us with an understanding of how the myth of life-saving love

coming from another creates imbalances, because it disempowers the one who waits and

burdens the one who saves, rescues, or helps the waitee. It prevents us from being the

master of our own destiny and promotes co-dependency. Romantic love is all about

needing another to survive, becoming entangled in their lives and merging feelings. The

myth feeds into a sense of missing out when it isn’t actualised and contributes to feelings

of jealousy, envy, low self-worth, hurt, bitterness, resentment, hatred and betrayal, as

well as being unlovable, underserving and abandoned. It is a manufactured weakness in

the human psyche.

Within us all lives the unconditionally loving heart that doesn’t need rules to define how

to be compassionate and empathic. If we can see the illusions, we will find a freedom

that will strengthen our resolve, that enhances our resilience and that allows growth and

change. It is the freedom to be authentic and true to ourselves.

Chapter 9 The Injustice of Emotionality pages 180 - 181

If I was loved just how I want to be loved this is what would be in my life ____________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

This is what would be better about my life… _____________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

This is what I’d feel about myself… ____________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

This is what I’d believe about myself… _________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

This is what I’d make happen I my life… ________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


Waiting for my Real Life Protocol

Round 1

TH: I am waiting to be loved before my real life begins

EB: I have created a fantasy life waiting to happen when I feel loved enough

SE: Experiences that tore away my innocence feed my need for love to make up for

everything

UE: How can I ever be loved enough?

TL: I keep searching for someone to love me to the depth of my soul

CH: If I can’t be loved enough how can I live my life?

CB: I feel unworthy of anything if I’m not firstly loved

UB: I can’t achieve my dreams if I’m not loved first

UA: But what is this life-saving love that I’m waiting for?

Round 2

TH: If I created this fantasy maybe I can let it go and start living my life now

EB: What if all I have is now and I’m missing my chance to be my best?

SE: Maybe I could love me just the way I am and get on with living my life true to

myself

UE: Maybe no-one can love me to make up for my past hurts, wounds and loss

TL: Maybe I could love anew and let my old wounds be healed by loving me and my life

now

CH: I am waiting to be loved before my real life begins

CB: I am now choosing to look at my wounds with love and compassion

UB: I am now willing to review my past with empathy

UA: I am now willing to review my past with acceptance of the context of time and

place


Round 3

TH: I am now able to let my past be healed

EB: I am now accepting that what others choose to do is about them and I am still

lovable

SE: I am now accessing my unconditionally loving heart to transform my life

UE: I am now accepting the freedom available to me when I love myself as I am

TL: I am now becoming the freedom that strengthens my resolve

CH: I am now becoming the freedom that enhances my resilience

CB: I am now becoming the freedom that allows for growth and change

UB: I am now becoming the freedom to be authentic and true to myself

UA: I am now willing to start living my real life right now


When love is distorted by expectations, ideals and projections.

Idealised Partner I’m not even going to pretend that this concept is an easy one but we all have an

idealised partner that we are seeking to find. It’s a mixture of influences from our

parents, movies, magazines, our culture or religious expectations blended in with our

personal likes and dislikes that we formed by the time we were eight years old. The

unmet needs of our child-self live on within us seeking that someone special to either

meet them or make up for them. The clincher comes when we project all this onto

another while they are projecting their version on to us. It makes relationships

complicated.

But then there are the concepts we have absorbed while growing up about what we are

meant to be like to attract a partner. This is what I refer to as the mythical man or

woman. We think we are meant to be different to what we are and during our dating

phase of a relationship we project this ideal image. Too often both parties are doing this.

The challenge comes later when neither of them can keep up the façade, dropping the

mask and becoming themselves they each want to know what happened to the ‘ideal’

person they were with at the start of the relationship.

The first step is to recognise what drives you in seeking a partner, or what triggers your

frustrations with a partner, and what stories you run in your own mind about yourself

and your partner. Once you know the story in your head to can put it in perspective and

make new choices that reflect reality and who you really are.

Chapter 4 The Injustice of Limitation page 70

Irrelevant to your gender or your sexual orientation answer these two questions:

What is your idea of an ideal or perfect man?

Physically: _________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Emotionally: _______________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Intellectually: _______________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


Spiritually: _________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Sexually: __________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Financially: ________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

What is your idea of an ideal or perfect woman?

Physically: ________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Emotionally: _______________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Intellectually: _______________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Spiritually: _________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Sexually: __________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

Financially: ________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


Does your current partner meet your ideal person? Yes / No /6

Do you meet the description of your own gender? Yes / No /6

I now realise that I’m projecting my unrealistic ideals onto my partner in the following

ways ______________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

I now realise that I’m judging myself as a failure because I’m not being perfect in the

following ways _____________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

List 5 qualities that you love(d) about your mother.

1._________________________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________________________

3._________________________________________________________________________

4._________________________________________________________________________

5. _________________________________________________________________________

List 5 qualities that you love(d) about your father.

1._________________________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________________________

3._________________________________________________________________________

4._________________________________________________________________________

5._________________________________________________________________________


List 5 qualities about your mother that you react to, feel hurt by, or don’t honestly like.

1._________________________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________________________

3._________________________________________________________________________

4._________________________________________________________________________

5._________________________________________________________________________

List 5 qualities about your father that you react to, feel hurt by, or don’t honestly like.

1._________________________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________________________

3._________________________________________________________________________

4._________________________________________________________________________

5._________________________________________________________________________


Identify the unmet needs you have with your mother and father

Unmet Needs Mother Father

Loved

Accepted

Approved of

Important

Valued

Worthy

Matter

Exist

Belong

Safe/Protected

Support

Respect

Secure

Trust

OMG! I’ve now realised the needs I want my partner to meet because I didn’t feel I had

them met as a child are: ______________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________


Mythical Partner Protocol

TH: I grew up forming an idea of the perfect man and woman

EB: I unconsciously try to fit myself into an ideal image

SE: My self-expression becomes limited when others try to impose their ideal partner on

to me

UE: I unconsciously demand others live up to my idealistic expectations ignoring who

they really are

TL: When I try to fit into the ideal in my head I have to deny aspects of my true nature

CH: The limitations, controls and restrictions are overwhelming no matter who creates

them

CB: I’m scared not to conform to my idealistic ideas just in case the real me is unlovable

UB: Or unworthy of being loved

UA: I don’t want to be rejected

Round 2

TH: Relationships make me sad

EB: They seem too complicated and hard

SE: As I set rules about how my partner should be

UE: They are implementing their rules about me

TL: Conflict replaces love

CH: We both think we are right

CB: I’m just searching for that feeling of euphoric love

UB: The innocence and purity of love

UA: Surely there’s nothing wrong with that

Round 3

TH: Why can’t love be perfect all the time?


EB: If I’m to feel supported by love I need it to be perfect all the time

SE: I become overwhelmed with rejection, loss, fears, doubts and insecurities

UE: If love isn’t perfect I fear what it says about me

TL: To protect myself I get angry and blame others

CH: I can’t cope with the rejection from imperfection

CB: I get sad and down when love isn’t perfect

UB: Love is meant to be perfect

UA: Relationships are meant to be easy

Round 4

TH: If I’m in the right relationship they should be everything I expect them to be

EB: It only seems fair for this to be true

SE: How can it be true love if this isn’t how love is meant to be?

UE: But it’s not fair if my partner expects me to fit into their expectations

TL: If they really loved me they would accept me as I am

CH: True love is about accepting all of me

CB: It’s okay for me to have my demands, rules and expectations

UB: But it’s not okay for my partner to have demands, rules and expectations of me

UA: Opps!

Round 5

TH: I’m being a hypocrite

EB: I’m saying I can demand all I like

SE: But my partner can’t

UE: I’m saying there is one set of rules for me

TL: And another for my partner


CH: If they are thinking like this too

CB: It’s no wonder we are stuck in patterns that aren’t making either of us happy

UB: It’s not like I meant to do any of this

UA: Getting annoyed with myself doesn’t help me be responsible for my thoughts,

conscious or unconscious

Round 6

TH: Just because my child-self formed his/her ideals it doesn’t mean it was a bad

process

EB: In fact it’s just what we all do

SE: It’s more important that I work out what I did and be responsible for how I act now

UE: Than to dwell on the process or the demands

TL: My ideal partner is a mix

CH: Of characteristics I liked about my parents

CB: Images I collected from movies, TV, books, and advertising

UB: And unmet needs from my childhood with my own unique likes and dislikes

UA: I’m still looking for someone to make up for my hurts, loss, and sadness from when

I was a child

Round 7

TH: I’m looking for someone to make everything alright

EB: But I’m not letting anything be alright

SE: Because I’m still angry and sad that it happened in the first place

UE: I’m merging my partner with my mother and father

TL: My partner is merging me with his/her mother and father

CH: All so we can have our unmet needs fulfilled

CB: To make up for the gaps, the lack and the insufficiency felt inside us

UB: It is overwhelming to face this pattern


UA: But I have to so I can change it

Round 8

Fill in your answers from pages 13 – 14 or tap the TH statement on all points to access

your issues

TH: I am projecting my unrealistic ideals onto my partner and that’s not fair

EB: _________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

SE: _________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

UE: ________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

TL: _________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

CH: ________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

CB: _________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

UB: _________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

UA: ________________________________________________________ (name the ideal)

Round 9

Fill in your answers from pages 13 - 14 identifying your ideals for your gender that now

form your internal dialogue or personal expectations of yourself on all points

TH: I am judging myself as a failure because I’m not being perfect enough and that’s me

being unfair on myself

EB: _______________________________________________________________ (name it)

SE: _______________________________________________________________ (name it)

UE: _______________________________________________________________ (name it)

TL: _______________________________________________________________ (name it)

CH: ______________________________________________________________ (name it)

CB: _______________________________________________________________ (name it)

UB: _______________________________________________________________ (name it)

UA: ______________________________________________________________ (name it)


Round 10

Fill in your answers from pages 15 – 16

TH: My experiences with my mother influences my current relationships

EB: I want a partner to be like my mother by ____________________________________

_______________________________________________________ (name what you loved)

SE: _______________________________________________________________________

(name what you reacted to, felt hurt by or didn’t like)

UE: I want a partner to be like my mother by ____________________________________


TL: _______________________________________________________________________


CH: I want a partner to be like my mother by ____________________________________


CB: _______________________________________________________________________


UB: I want a partner to be like my mother by ____________________________________


UA: ______________________________________________________________________


Round 11

Fill in your answers from pages 15 – 16

TH: My experiences with my father influences my current relationships

EB: I want a partner to be like my father by ____________________________________


SE: _______________________________________________________________________


UE: I want a partner to be like my father by ____________________________________


TL: _______________________________________________________________________



CH: I want a partner to be like my father by ____________________________________


CB: _______________________________________________________________________


UB: I want a partner to be like my father by ____________________________________


UA: ______________________________________________________________________


Round 12

Tapping on all points saying:

I’m letting it all go

If you have any thoughts remaining continue to tap on the points talking to yourself

about what you are feeling until it feels like it’s all gone

Round 13

Tapping on all points saying:

I am now open to being in a mutually respectful and healthy relationship


When love is amplified and we haven’t learnt to have what we truly desire.

Double the Focus The lesson of the injustice of hypocrisy assists us to honour our word, intentions, and

commitments. Often declarations and longing for experiences of love, success,

achievement, and dreams are not manifested because of our inability to manage the

perceived pressure when opportunity knocks. When someone else wants or expects the

same as us, we feel pressured instead of supported. This doubled focus is like turning up

the gas on a pressure cooker: the heat increases until it bursts. The release valve is for us

to opt out on the want, need, desire, or expectation. By finding reasons and excuses why

it wasn’t really a good idea, we distort reality to justify our failure to succeed at work,

hobbies, or sports, and we run away from a perfectly happy relationship or situation. We

are not being true to ourselves when we do this; we are creating injustice for ourselves

and others by being hypocrites.

Chapter 2 The Injustice of Hypocrisy page 32


Resolution & Empowerment Tapping Script – Double the Focus

TH: Even though it’s normal to want to be in a relationship where we both want the

same thing

EB: My mind can’t just let it be normal

SE: It has to create it into an unmet need

UE: This triggers off my fear responses that I won’t be able to be everything he/she

wants me to be

TL: I fear that he/she won’t stay being everything I want

CH: And I fear that it’s too much pressure to be in this kind of relationship

CB: All these fears then set off a cascade of emotionally painful experiences in my minds

reality

UB: But it’s not how my life really is right now

UA: It’s just my fears running stories from my past

Round 2

TH: The more I think about having what I want the more my fears run a story of pain

and heartache

EB: I’m just trying to protect myself from the inevitable disappointment

SE: I don’t really need certain conditions to exist for me to be in a relationship where we

both want the same thing

UE: It can really just happen

TL: And I don’t need specific circumstances to exist for me to feel like I’m in a

relationship where we both want the same thing

CH: It really can just be that way

CB: The truth is I already am in a relationship where we both want the same thing

UB: So this is just my fears

UA: And my fears want me to ruin what it is I really want


Round 3

TH: By interpreting ______________________ (name of partner) love as being about me

I have created the belief that it’s better if I run now than he/she run later

EB: That belief that it’s better if I run now than he/she runs later then colours my

experiences so it feels like it’s true


UE: By interpreting ______________________ (name of partner) love as being about me

I have created the belief that I’ll never be good enough

TL: That belief that I’ll never be good enough then colours my experiences so it feels like

it’s true

CH: But it’s not true

CB: By interpreting ______________________ (name of partner) love as being about me

I have created the belief that I can’t handle the pressure I feel for him/her

UB: That belief that I can’t handle the pressure I feel for him/her then colours my

experiences so it feels like it’s true

UA: But it’s not true

Round 4

TH: I’m feeling pressure instead of support

EB: How dare he/she love me just how I want to be loved?

SE: I can’t handle it

UE: I didn’t get to be loved how I wanted as a child

TL: And now I don’t know how to just get passed my fears and this pressure I feel

CH: It doesn’t feel good

CB: If it doesn’t feel good it must be a sign that it’s all wrong

UB: It’s just my intuition telling me this isn’t right for me

UA: I mean, how can this love be real?


Round 5

TH: I’ve never experienced anything like it before

EB: It’s only ever been in my dreams

SE: Fantasies aren’t real

UE: I can’t have what I really want

TL: It is best I run now

CH: The only problem with that is I’ve declared I want to be loved like this

CB: I’ve said I’m ready to be loved like this

UB: I’ve said I want to be loved like this

UA: And now I am being loved just how I want

Round 6

TH: I’ve said I want this

EB: And now I’m trying to run away from it

SE: That doesn’t make any sense

UE: It’s just a feeling

TL: I’m feeling pressured by the fact that this is what I want

CH: THIS IS WHAT I WANT!

CB: I want to love this much

UB: And I want to be loved this much

UA: This is a great situation!

Round 7

TH: This is actually a great situation

EB: Because it’s exactly what I want

SE: I don’t really want to run away from it


UE: I want to embrace it

TL: I want to enjoy it

CH: And that’s my choice

CB: I really can enjoy this relationship

UB: I really can embrace all the love available to me right now

UA: I really can and I can do it with calmness

Round 8

TH: I’m letting go of all my fears about having what I want

EB: I’m setting the pressure free

SE: I’m letting it all go

UE: I’m letting go of all my fears about having what I want

TL: I’m setting the pressure free

CH: I’m letting it all go

CB: I’m letting go of all my fears about having what I want

UB: I’m setting the pressure free

UA: I’m letting it all go

Round 9

Tapping on all points

I already am in a relationship where we both want the same thing and I love it


Love that’s not really love. It’s why we call love unconditional love because so much ‘love’

is given with conditions whereas love by definition has no conditions. This is the cultural

reality of love which is why it distorts our perceptions of love and needs to be identified

for what it is and healed.

Convenient Love Through the link between the injustices of deception and selfishness, we will experience

convenient love, support, care, interest, value, and acceptance. This is where

convenience givers share on their egocentric terms. Therefore we receive their love,

support, care, interest in our lives, or sense of importance to others when it suits them,

but not when we are feeling at our most vulnerable. The deception is embedded in their

inability to recognise what they are doing. As they overlay it with their perceptions of

how nice and loving they think they are, they convince themselves that they adequately

demonstrate their commitment to us. When we are at the receiving end of convenient

love, we feel frustrated, hurt, and rejected by their actions and denial.

Quite often the convenient giver is the convenient taker. They justify their actions in

their minds with thoughts like, ‘I am doing the person a favour by recognising their skills

and using them.’ Or, ‘I love them and feel safe and secure in their support of me, so why

shouldn’t I call on them in my hour of need?’ By denying the impacts of their

behaviours, the ground for resentment is cultivated, and yet when it finally surfaces, they

are often horrified to discover how we feel about their demands on our time and energy.

If convenient givers and takes immerse themselves in their denial, they lose the

opportunity to hear and understand how we have experienced them.

If they become aware of their feelings, a sense of shame makes them feel bad about

themselves. This often leads to anxiety because their perception of themselves as caring

and loving prevents them from considering the times when they have been selfish, rude,

or disrespectful. The lesson of the injustice of deception enables us to learn how to

consider others and how we enable others to consider us. The depth of our awareness

affects our ability to understand and accept ourselves and others, creating the possibility

of change leading to balance, harmony, and respect in our relationships.

Chapter 3 The Injustice of Deception pages 57 – 58


Convenient Giver Protocol

Round 1

TH: I love others when it is convenient to me

EB: I support others when it is convenient for me

SE: I care for others when it is convenient for me

UE: I show interest in others when it is convenient for me

TL: I value others when it is convenient to me

CH: I accept others feelings, words and behaviours when it is convenient for me

CB: I think others are important to me when I am benefitted by their role in my life

UB: I don’t recognise the impact this has on those I give to when it’s convenient to me

UA: I only think about the fact that I am giving love, support, interest, care and

acceptance to others

Round 2

TH: I don’t think about how I think or feel when conditionally giving to others

EB: I don’t think about my motivations

SE: I wouldn’t want to think about myself giving to others because it suits me

UE: Or only because I get something back for it

TL: I am stuck in my denial of convenient giving

CH: I love, care, support, show interest, value and accept others when it is convenient

for me

CB: If I give when it’s convenient to me I’m highly likely to take at my convenience as

well

UB: I justify my actions

UA: If they have the skills to help me why shouldn’t I use them when I need them?


Round 3

TH: If I feel safe and secure in their support of me why shouldn’t I call on them in my

hour of need?

EB: I don’t think about how they feel about me demanding my needs be met at my

convenience

SE: I think they want to give to me

UE: I don’t understand their resentment

TL: They have the skills why shouldn’t I use them?

CH: They have the money why shouldn’t they give it to me?

CB: I love them so why shouldn’t they meet my needs?

UB: I’d be horrified to find out they think I just take from them

UA: I mean it’s not true

Round 4

TH: I give to them, even if it’s only when it suits me

EB: That’s my choice, just like they choose to give to me

SE: I can’t consider that others feel imposed upon

UE: But I’m a nice person

TL: I love people and people love me

CH: No-one has ever told me that they feel I only give when it suits me

CB: I feel so ashamed of myself if it’s true that I only give when it benefits me or suits me

UB: I feel bad about myself to know this about myself

UA: I really want to deny it

Round 5

TH: I can’t consider myself as ever being selfish

EB: I can’t consider myself as ever being rude


SE: I can’t consider myself as ever being disrespectful

UE: I can’t consider myself as ever being self-centred

TL: The more I deny what I do the more stuck I am in this pattern

UB: Nothing can change while I deny my actions and feel ashamed of myself

UA: I now know that I do this

Round 6

TH: I can’t continue to deny this reality

EB: It’s my choice to take responsibility for myself and the impact I have on others

SE: I am now choosing to learn new ways in how I can consider others

UE: I am now willing to change my behaviours so others can consider me in a new light

TL: I am now open to consider my whole-self embracing my light and my shadow

CH: I am now choosing to become more aware of my interactions with others

CB: I am now open to finding new ways to create greater harmony in my interactions

with others

UB: I am now open to finding new ways to create greater balance in my interactions

with others

UA: I am now open to finding new ways to create greater respect in my interactions with

others


Love that means well.

Sacrificial Mentality Often we believe that our sacrifices benefit those we love. They don’t. Giving in to

someone who willingly takes from us without gratitude or giving back doesn’t teach

them empathy, consideration for others, or moderation. As a parent, role modelling to

our children to sacrifice their needs teaches them to be victims to bullies – or worse. It

doesn’t help them know they are valuable, lovable, and important. They don’t grow up

learning how to respect themselves or how to take care of themselves.

If we are the child of a parent who sacrificed their needs to others, we will know the

pain of watching someone we love and admire be treated with disrespect, be used and

belittled, and be unappreciated. Our desire for them to be treated better, to find

happiness, and to have the proper recognition we feel they deserve for who they really

are alters our relationship with those who take from them. Over time we may lose

respect for our parent out of frustration that they refuse to care for and value their own

selves. The sacrificial mentality damages relationships.

But there is a limit to everything. Eventually remaining calm and peaceful endlessly

will be unsustainable, and we will have outbursts of frustration, anger, and impatience.

This can be an outward expression of our underlying anxiety as our excitement builds

towards a special event, when trying to complete a task, or when working on a job. We

expend so much energy trying to maintain our dignity that when we run out of our

ability to control our pain, we implode (collapse, have a mental breakdown, or become

seriously ill) or explode (expressing our submerged rage and resentment). Our breaking

point will enable us to explore our needs, define them, and set about meeting them so as

to ease our patterns of peacemaking, impatience, indecisiveness, procrastination, and

inaction.

Being willing to give up our tendency to sacrifice ourselves for others is like learning

how to live all over again. Our sacrificial mentality tends to permeate every interaction

in our life, and when we change this pattern, we alter our perception, and with it our

world. If we don’t complete the process of change, we will become more locked into our

patterns than we have been previously. We will be stuck, and will look back over our

lives and see how we have become more anxious, more helpless, and more indecisive so

that our procrastination is all-consuming.

Chapter 1 The Injustice of Idleness pages 12 – 13


Sacrificial Protocol TH: I believe that my sacrifices benefit those I love

EB: While I believe that sacrifices benefit those I love, they don’t really

SE: Those who just take from me never learn of gratitude

UE: They never learn to consider me

TL: They don’t learn about sharing

CH: They don’t learn about moderation, just about getting what they want

CB: They don’t learn to have empathy for others, for me

UB: They don’t learn to appreciate me for what I do for them

UA: Instead they just learn to take from others

Round 2

TH: They learn to be inconsiderate

EB: They learn to be selfish

SE: I’m not really helping anyone by sacrificing myself

UE: I’m not doing me any favours

TL: And I’m clearly not helping others be their best self

CH: Sacrifice isn’t service, it is servitude

CB: Really I’m being a slave when I sacrifice myself

UB: What kind of role model am I to others?

UA: To my children?

Round 3

TH: To my family?

EB: To my friends?

SE: I’m not teaching anyone to treat me with respect


UE: I’m not teaching anyone to consider me

TL: What messages am I sending to my partner about my worth?

CH: My value?

CB: About how to consider me?

UB: I’m not teaching anyone anything positive about me

UA: All my sacrificing tells others, is that I don’t think I’m worthy enough to matter to

myself

Round 4

TH: All my sacrificing tells others, is that I don’t value myself

EB: And it’s not true [or and it is true]

SE: I do think I’m valuable and worthy [or I don’t think I am valuable and worthy]

UE: I have learnt to give in to others demands

TL: I’ve learnt to keep others happy at the cost of myself

CH: I’m not living in moderation or balance

CB: I’m sacrificing myself to the point that I’m hurting myself

UB: I’m the one suffering

UA: I’m not treating me how I really want to be treated

Round 5

TH: I am now choosing to live in moderation

EB: I am now willing to alter my behaviours to reflect a more moderate lifestyle

SE: I am now able to set safe and healthy boundaries with others that reflect my

expression of moderation in my life

UE: I am now embracing the opportunities to learn about myself in relation to the

choices I make about living moderately

TL: I am now choosing to prioritise my wellbeing when making a decision about the

things I can do


CH: I am now choosing to value myself equally to the value I hold of those I am helping

CB: I am now accepting that everyone benefits from a truly moderate and balanced

exchange of love, support and action

UB: I am now loving living my life with self-respect

UA: I am now loving living my life with mutual respect, harmony and peace


If you would like to learn more about

Emotional Freedom Technique you can

study with Leonie who offers an

accredited practitioner course or sign up

for one of her webinars or check out her

YouTube channel.

For more information

Phone: +61 3 5625 4466

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.essenceofhealing.com.au

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn3Kel-

10GTYisvR5FlJJUw

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.essenceofhealing.com.au/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn3Kel-10GTYisvR5FlJJUw

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn3Kel-10GTYisvR5FlJJUw

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