Contents

CoverAbouttheBookAbouttheAuthorTitlePageIntroduction

WhatIsAnxiety?Cortisol,Adrenaline,andNorepinephrineWorkYourselfup,orWorkYourselfDownGoogleEarthYourselftheHelloutofThereTheMagicFormulaBendItlikeBuffyRidetheRoller-CoasterofLifeThisTooShallPassWriteItDownBeHereNowGetupandGoTurntheCoatHookUpsideDownNature,NaturallyDon’tAccepttheInvitationFeelYourWalkTheBedsideListTrustNightcapGowiththeFlowSaveBedforBedtimeMoneySecret:GetSecureStepAsideExerciseGigo(Garbagein,Garbageout)1ProgressiveBodyRelaxationforSleepWalkItBackClimbupaWall(Literally)ExpandYourComfortZone

Avoidance(TheGoodKind)Avoidance(TheBadKind)LeanInHaveanAllyWatchtheVideoMeTimeMoneySecret:WhenThere’sEnoughBeShort-SightedLife’slikeanAssaultCourseBreatheLet’sDotheTimeWarpAgainImmuniseYourselfAgainstNegativeEmotionalContagionTurnYourVelcroSuitInsideOutSlowItDownJustNoticeCharminYourPocketPrimitiveFearsinModernLifeAskYourselfWhatYouNeedMyWayGratefulYourLittleToeCatastrophisingGetNeatGetMessyLetItBeBeYourOwnSupportiveFriendLetItGoSomebodyElse’sShowSecondaryFeelingsofPrimaryEmotionsLet’sGetPhysicalDoSomethingHardGoFlyaKiteCleanDishes/DirtyDishesDon’tPaperovertheCracksThereAre26.1MilesBeforetheEndofaMarathonPutonYourOxygenMaskFirstGetYourHandsDirtyChangeIt,AcceptIt,orGetoutoftheWayPerishtheThought(Literally)

Gigo(Garbagein,Garbageout)2SaltwaterFishinFreshWaterPainVs.SufferingWearingaWetNappyThePuppyUndertheBedDeviceOverwhelmBeAfraid,BeVeryAfraidDescarteswasWrongZoneofControlTasteYourFoodLettheSunshineInAllChangeMoneySecret:SpendonOthers,SpendonExperiences,NotThingsSeetheSeaWalkingMeditationLoveandBeLovedFeeltheEarthBeneathYourFeetThatGuiltyMusicalPleasureComeonin,theWater’sColdScreamingBabyonaPlaneTurnThatGreatDaneintoaToyPoodleWhatYourBodyNeedsMeditationNightSwimmingMusicTopoftheHillDon’tFighttheNowDoGood

Copyright

ABOUTTHEBOOK

TheLittleBookofCalmhasthemagicformulaforanxiety.

Thisdefinitivebook,writtenbyatrainedpsychotherapist,whoregularlyappearsonCBBC andBBCRadio 1, offers techniques, advice and inspiration on thebestandmosteffectivewaystomanageanxiety.

From exercises to help you put your worries into perspective, to relaxationmethodsforwhenanxietyattacks,DrAaronBalickshowsyouhowtofeelmoreateaseandsustainasenseofcalm.

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

DrAaronBalick is a clinicalpsychotherapistwith twentyyearsof experience.Hehastakentheamazinginsightsfrompsychologyoutoftheconsultingroomandmadethemaccessibletothewiderworld.Hehasbeenan‘agonyuncle’onCBBCandBBCRadio1aswellasamentalhealthexpertontelevision,online,and in print. He speaks internationally, offering a better understanding of thepsychologyofeverydaylife.

AaronlivesinLondonwhereheisthedirectorofaninnovativepsychologyhub,StillpointSpaces.

INTRODUCTION

Sometimes life can be a struggle, and finding calm in the face of life’schallengesdoesn’talwayscomenaturally.Onceweacceptthatthesechallengesarelife,notsomethingapartfromit,wecanmeetthemwithequanimity.As a psychotherapist with twenty years of experience, I’ve worked with

hundredsofpeople tohelp them find this equanimity in relation to their life’schallenges.Ihavelearnedthatthere’snomagicbulletthatworksforeveryone.Thetrickistofindstrategiesthatworkforyou,andtherestisaboutacceptance.I have also learned thatmost people underestimate their capacities tomeet

their life’s challenges. I never cease to be amazed by what people canaccomplishwhen they letgoof their imagined limits to face theirpossibilitieswithanopenheart.This book is drawn frommy experiences across the years ofworkingwith

people to help them find the resources they need, not only to meet life’schallenges,buttorevelinthem.Differentapproachesspeaktodifferentpeople,soIsuggestyoufindtheonesthatringtrueforyou.Each sectionoffers either an accessible suggestionor technique tohelpyou

findcalm,oradifferentwayofseeingtheworldthatmaybetterenableyoutoaccept life’s difficulties as they come along. Each suggestion comes straightfromclinicalexperience,thelatestresearch,psychologyandphilosophy,orviathemouthsofthosemuchwiserthanI.Read the book straight through or open to a page at random. Think on it,

practiseit,andfindyourcalm.

‘Allshallbewell,andallmannerofthingsshallbewell.’

JULIANOFNORWICH

WHATISANXIETY?

Anxiety is universal. It’s an uncomfortable and unnerving feeling ofworry orconcern.Oftenwe feel anxious about an actual thing, but anxiety can also befree-floatingorundirected.Most of us experience anxiety about something that might happen in the

future (anticipatory anxiety) or about something that happened in the past(retrospectiveanxiety).On amoreprofound level there is ‘existential anxiety’ – thosediscomfiting

feelings we have about our place in the world, the meaning of life, big lifechoices,change,ageing,andtheknowledgethatsomedaywewilldie.While it is natural to feel anxiety occasionally, it can impact negatively on

yourlifeifyoufeelitconstantlyorespeciallystrongly.Suddenboutsofanxietyarecalledpanicattacks.The good news is that you don’t need to be powerless in the face of your

anxiety.Youcanlearntocontrolit,andsomeofthewaystodothatareactuallyquitesimple.Youcanalso learn toexpandyour toleranceofanxiety, sowhenyoudoexperienceit,itisn’tsobad.Anxietycanbeafactoflife–butbykeepingitinperspective,itdoesn’thave

togetinthewayofyouenjoyingyourlife.

‘Whatdoesnotdestroymemakesmestronger.’

FRIEDRICHNIETZSCHE

CORTISOL,ADRENALINE,ANDNOREPINEPHRINE

Thesehormonesaretheholytrinityofstress.Theyarebehindthebutterfliesinyourstomachandthebuzzinginyourbrain.Adrenaline and norepinephrinework together towards your ‘fight or flight’

response.Youcanliterallyfeelthempumpingintoyourchestwhenyou’vebeengivenagoodscare.Cortisolisslowertokickinbutsimilarlypreparesyourbraintobeawakefor

life’schallenges.Ifwe’restressedalot,ourlevelsofcortisolcanremainhigh.Whileourbodiesmeanwellbyproducing thesehormones toprepareus for

life,moretimesthannottheyoverestimatethethreat–andwegetworkedupfornothing.By learning to respond to stress triggers in better ways, we can also train

ourselves not to overreact, which means a calmer response to just abouteverything.

WORKYOURSELFUP,ORWORKYOURSELFDOWN

Wheneveryoufindyourselfgettingwoundupandanxiousaboutsomething,youcangooneoftwoways:workyourselfup,orworkyourselfdown.Nexttimeyounoticeyourworryingthoughtsswirlingaroundwithimagesof

disasterliningupinsomesadisticcompetitiontoscareyouwitless,youcanbesureyou’reworkingyourselfup.You’llknowthisbecauseyourbreathingwillbe faster, your heart ratewill increase, and you’ll be thinking thoughts at thespeedofanOlympicvelodromechampion.That’syoursigntostop.Don’tworkyourselfup:workyourselfdowninstead.Slowdownthebreath,

pausethethoughts,anddimouttheimages.Thistakesanactofwill.Getinthewayofyourrunawaymindandworkyourwaydown.

GOOGLEEARTHYOURSELFTHEHELLOUTOFTHERE

When you’re anxious your worries take up all the space in your head – theybecomeeverything.When thishappens, it’s time toGoogleEarthyourself thehelloutofthere.CloseyoureyesandimagineseeingyourselffromabovelikeinGoogleMaps.

Then zoom out and see yourself getting smaller and smaller. See your home,thenpanout slowly toyourneighbourhood,and furtheragain toyour townorcity,yourcountry,yourhemisphere.Go right off the planet now, past the moon, beyond the solar system, and

shootoutintospaceuntilEarthisatinyspeckthatsoondisappears.Thisisagreatexercisetomakeyoufeelverysmallandinsignificant,butina

goodway.Soonyourworrieswillfeellikethattoo.

THEMAGICFORMULA

Itissaidthatwhenitcomestoanxiety,thereisamagicformula.

ANXIETY=

overestimatinghowbadsomethingisgoingtobe

×

underestimatinghowwellyouthinkyoucancopewithit.

Nowlet’sbreakthatdownabit.Howbadyouthinksomethingisgoingtobeisnotthesameashowbaditwill

actually turn out. It’s human nature to anticipate the worst just so you’ll bepreparedforit.Butinsteadofhelping,thislevelofintenseanticipationparalysesus.We also tend to underestimate how well we’ll be able to cope with a

challengingsituationwhen itdoesarise. In fact,mostpeoplecopesurprisinglywellwithalmostanythingthathappenstothem.It’sthinkingtheywon’tbeuptoitthatcausesanxiety.Inshort,youcreateyourownanxietybyunconsciouslydoingthemathsofthe

magicformulabysaying‘It’llbeterribleandIcan’tcope!’Remember,it’shardlyeverlikelytobeasbadasyouanticipate,andyouwill

findawaytocopewithit–howeverdifficultitmaybe.Sonexttimeyouexperienceanxiety,checktheformulaandredothemathsin

yourfavour.

BENDITLIKEBUFFY

IntheTVshowBuffytheVampireSlayerateenagegirlfacesrealmonstersasametaphorofthehorrorofhighschool.In one episode the demon Fear Itself is summoned. He attacks by making

one’s worst fears a reality. Buffy and the gang have to face their fears tovanquishthisterrifyingdemon.Whenhefinallyarises,wefindhe’snotterrifyingatall,onlyatinysquirt,a

fewinchestall.MorelikeJiminyCricketthanaHellBeast.Buffytriumphsbysimplysquishinghimunderthetoeofherstiletto.‘Bigoverture,tinyshow,’exclaimssidekickXander.RememberXander’swords:Fear’sbarkisworsethanitsbite.

‘Hewhofearsheshallsuffer,alreadysufferswhathefears.’

MICHELDEMONTAIGNE

RIDETHEROLLER-COASTEROFLIFE

Anxiety and excitement are closely related: it’s just a matter of perspective.Somepeoplelovesteppingoutinfrontofabigcrowdtoperform,whileothersareterrified.Ifyourbody‘reads’thefeelingasfear,you’llbeanxious.Ifitreadsitasan

adventure,you’llfeelexcitement.This iswhysomepeopleloverollercoastersandhorrorflicks–theygetwhatiscalleda‘safeadventure’.Whenyoulookat lifeasanadventure,youcanchangeyourfeelingsoffear

intoexcitement.Noexcitementiswithoutfear–butthat’swhatmakesitfun.Seeing life like a roller coastermakes those dips appear less scary. It may

seemcrazy,butyoucouldactuallylearntoenjoythem.

‘Igetup,Iwalk,Ifalldown.MeanwhileIkeepdancing.’

HILLEL

THISTOOSHALLPASS

‘Give it time’or ‘timehealseverything’areoldclichés. It’s justnotwhatyouwant to hear when you’re in the middle of feeling awful, because right noweverythingsucks!Welllet’sre-workit.‘Givingittime’isn’taboutwaitinguntilthingsgetbetter.It’saboutknowing

thatallfeelingspass.Nobody likes throwing up, but everybody knows that they feel better

afterwards. It’sgrossandunpleasantwhile it’shappening,butavoiding itonlyprolongsthepain.Theuncomfortablefeelingisinevitable,butitwillcomeanditwillgo.Don’t

make it worse by anticipating, avoiding, and delaying. See it through. See itdone.

WRITEITDOWN

In psychologywehave learned that ‘externalising’ – getting something out ofyour system – oftenmakes us feelmuch better. It’s those needling, worryingconversationsinyourheadthatarereallytorture.Apartfromspeakingtosomeoneaboutyourworries,oneofthebestwaysof

externalisingthemistowritethemdown.Don’ttrytosolvetheworries,justifyorunderstandthem.Justgetthemoutof

yourmindandonto thepaper.Youdon’tevenneed to read them, sodon’tbeshy.Thisexerciseworksverywellbeforebed,tohelpyouleavethemasidebefore

sleep.Othersfindithelpsfirstthinginthemorningtoclearoutallthecobwebsbeforemeetingthedayfresh.

BEHERENOW

Thesethreesimplewordsconveyagreatdealofwisdompasseddownthroughthousands of years of Eastern philosophy. The tradition of this philosophyadvocatesthepracticeofawarenesscalledmindfulnessmeditation.‘Beherenow’ recognises thatwesufferwhenwe focusour thinkingon the

past or the future instead of right now.Ask yourself honestly, is your anxietyabout what’s happening to you right here right now, or is it concern aboutyesterdayortomorrow?Thepracticeofbeinghererightnowisharderthanitsounds,butyoucanstart

by reminding yourself, when you notice your now moment is polluted bythinkingaboutthefutureorthepast,togentlystop.Beherenowinstead.

‘Ifyouaredepressed,youarelivinginthepast.Ifyouareanxiousyouarelivinginthefuture.Ifyouareat

peaceyouarelivinginthepresent.’

LAOTZU

GETUPANDGO

Whenfeelinganxiousordepressedyou’relikelytofeelthatyour‘getupandgo’has‘gotupandgone’.Youknowyoushouldgetoffyourbumandgetoutintotheworld,butyourbodyresists.When itcomes to‘getupandgo’yousimplyhave tostop thinkingabout it

anddo it.Youhavetowill it,youhave tobe it,youhave togetupandgo.Itdoesn’tmatterhowfar,orhowlongitlasts,justshowyourselfyoucangetoutthedoor.Stopthinkingaboutit!Justputyourshoesonandgo.Onceyougetoutyou’ll

seehowmuchofyourresistancewasjustinyourhead.

TURNTHECOATHOOKUPSIDEDOWN

Coathooksareshapedthatwaybecausetheyareperfectforhangingthingson.Werethathooktobeupsidedown,thingswouldsliderightoffit.The thing that makes you anxious is the thing that’s hanging on your

psychologicalcoathook.So,trytowonderwhatitwouldbelikeifyouturneditupsidedownandlet

thatthingorthingsjustslipoff.Imaginefeelingtheweightdroppingoffasitslidesdownyourpsychological

shoulders.It’satrickofthemind,toknowhowtoturnitaround,butonceyoulearnit,andtrustit,it’seasy.First,noticetheworryishangingthere.Thenflipitupsidedownandfeelthe

weightcomeoff.

NATURE,NATURALLY

Urbanites are missing out on something pretty important: greenery. It’s noaccident that thego-to images for ‘calm’are rollinggreencountrysideand theocean.Researchindicatesthatgettingoutintothegreencandoyouaworldofgood.Manyofuswholiveincitiesareaccustomedtotheconstantringingofsirens,

thebuzzofcarsandbuses,andtheflashingoflights.Butbeingaccustomedtoitdoesn’tmeanthere’snoconsequence.We’re also overstimulated by pinging emails, ringing phones, fluorescent

lights,andanever-endingto-dolist.Keep yourself topped up with regular doses of greenery by way of lunch

breaksandafternoonormorningwalks.Whenyougetthechance,goformega-doses–longweekends,walkingholidays–it’sasurewaytofeelcalm.

DON’TACCEPTTHEINVITATION

Itmaysurpriseyou,butoftenanxietycanbeachoice.Whenaworryingthoughtarises inyourmind, it’s likean invitation tobecomeanxious.Butwhat ifyoujustdidn’taccepttheinvitation?Thatarisingthoughtmaybesomethinglike:

• DidIoffendsoandsolastnight?• Tomorrow’spresentationisgoingtobeadisaster!• IthinkIlefttheirononathome.• S/hehasn’ttextedmesinceyesterday.

Whenathoughtlikeoneofthesesendsusaninvitationtoworry,wecanpolitelydecline,andslideitrightbackacrossthetable.It’slikesaying,‘Thanksanyway,butI’mnotgoing.’

FEELYOURWALK

WalkingcanbemorethanjustaboutgettingfrompointAtopointB.WhenpointAisstressfulandpointBissuper-stressful,walkingceasestobe

walking,it’sjustmullingoverourdisquietandstressfromonepointtothenext.Whynotusethejourneyasanopportunity?Itdoesn’thavetobecomplicated

ordifficult.Simplyfeelyourwalk.Notice how your feet touch the ground, how your body weight shifts to

rhythm. Now slow it down and look around you. Stay with your walk, notwhateverhappenedatpointAorwhatmighthappenatpointB.By feelingyourwalkyou takecalmback foryourself.You integrate it into

yourday.It’ssimple.It’spowerful.

THEBEDSIDELIST

It’sbeenanintensedayandyoucan’tsleepbecauseyou’reunabletoturnoffallthethoughtsswirlingaroundyourhead.When we don’t prepare ourselves for shutdown, our anxious minds take it

uponthemselvestocontrolus.Partofwhatyourmindisdoingismakingsureyoudon’tmissanything.By

‘catching’everythingyoucanonpaper(notonascreen,thisis important)youreassureyourmindthatyoucandealwiththosethingstomorrowwhenyouhavethecapacity.Sonexttimeyou’retormented,getoutofbed,grabyourbedsidelistandwrite

downeverylittle thingonyourmindthatyoucandealwithtomorrow.Packitawayinadrawer,andgetsomeshut-eye.

TRUST

Thesourceofmuchanxietyisalackoftrust:trustingthatthingswillbeOKorget better again; trusting that you can handle things when they go wrong;trustingotherstohelpout.When thingshavegonewrong for uswe can lose trust all together.What’s

worseisthatwefindstoriesfromourlivestobackupwhyweshouldn’ttrust–ourselvesorothers.Whatwoulditbeliketotrustagain?Totrustthatyouwillrecover?Totrust

thatsomebody’sgotyourback?TotrustthatthingsjustmightbeOK?Trust is built up by trying it out, piece by piece with ourselves and with

others.Don’tgiveupontrust.Trustingcanbeenormouslyliberating.

‘SometimesIgoaboutwithpityformyselfandallthewhiletheGreatWindsarecarryingmeacrossthesky.’

OJIBWESAYING

NIGHTCAP

Manyofusreachforadrinktodealwithanxietyorstress.Whiletheoddtipplehere and there can be a pleasure – using alcohol tomanage your feelings hasconsequences,likeincreasinganxiety.Afterdrinking,thecombinationofdehydration,badsleep,andnastytoxinsin

yourbloodcanleaveyourbodyfeelingqueasyandunsettled.Becauseyou’rephysicallyalreadyropey,yourmindfollows–feelingskittish,

uneasy, and worried. If you’ve had an especially heavy night, you might beworryingaboutwhatyou’vesaidordone.Lettingyourhairdownoccasionallycanbeawaytoletoffsteam.However,if

youfindyourselfneedingalcoholregularly,youmaybeself-medicating,whichwillultimatelymakeyoufeelworse.

GOWITHTHEFLOW

Thereareplans,andthenthereisreality.Whenrealitygetsinthewayofplans,youneedtogowiththeflowofreality.Forexample,youplantobethereontime,evenleavingplentyoftimetoget

there.Butsomethinghappens.Awatermainbreaks,orthewrongkindofleaveshavedelayedyourtrain.Whattodo?Youcanresistthereality,butthatwon’tgetyoutherefaster.Yourresistance

willonlycreatefrustrationandunhappiness.Gettingthereontimeisashipthathasalreadysailed.Whenrealitygets inthewayofyourplan,abandontheplanandreboot.It’s

notwhatyouwanted,butitiswhatitis,sodon’tfightit.

SAVEBEDFORBEDTIME

Getting enough good sleep is crucial to a calm mind. Ideally, the bedroomshouldbeusedforlittleelsethansleeping.Makeaconnectioninyourbrainthatbedmeansbedtime.Therestof‘life’shouldbebannedfromthebedroom.Mostimportantly,your

devices –mobile phone, tablet, computer – should be parkedwell outside thedoor.Themostthatshouldaccompanyyoutobedisapartner(ifyouhaveone)and

abook(ideally,notaveryexcitingone).Go to bed when you’re ready, and leave the bedroom shortly after you’ve

awoken.Yourbedroomshouldbeyourtempleofsleep.Treatitassuch–sleepwell–andyou’llbeinagreatpositionfromthemomentyouwakeuptomeetyourday.

MONEYSECRET:GETSECURE

Moneycancauseagreatdealofanxietyanddisquiet.Especiallywhen there’snotenoughofit.Inthisconditiontheprimaryobjectiveissecurity.Togetsecureyouhaveto

faceyourfearsandfindoutwhat’sgoingon.Yes,openthoseenvelopesandreadthosebankstatements.What’scominginandwhat’sgoingout?Moneyisnumbers,andnumberscanchange.Youjusthavetocontrolthemso

theydon’tcontrolyou.Itcanbescarybutfearisconqueredbyknowingwhat’shappening.Whenyouknow,youcanplan,andplanningfeelsgood,especiallywhenyou

startseeingtheresults.Byknowinganddoing(notworrying)you’llmovefrominsecuritytosecurity.

STEPASIDE

When you feel like you’re right at the centre of your own emotional storm,steppingasidehelpsyoutogaincontrolandperspective.Whenyou’re inastateofhighanxiety it’s like thoseworriesareyou rather

thanaseriesofthoughtsandfeelingsyou’reexperiencing.Imagineyouranxietyasacartoonbrawl–acloudofchaosstormingaround.

You’reinthemiddleofthatchaos.Now,juststepaside.Thecloudofchaosisstillthere,butyou’renexttoit,observingitmorecalmly.Gaining an aside perspective is amazingly effective. While it might not

resolve the source of your worries – it can give you the space you need toapproachthemmoreserenely.

EXERCISE

Handsdown, exercise is the bestmedicine.Obviously for physical health, butforyourbraintoo.Itcreatesahealthybrain,liftsmood,andquellsanxiety.Studieshaveshownthatregularexercisecanworkaswellasantidepressants,

andyoudon’tneedtobeagymbunnytofeelthebenefits.Thebusierweget,themorelikelywearetoneglectphysicalactivity.Sonext

time you notice stress levels increasing and you haven’t been moving aboutmuch–it’stimetosweat–evenjustalittle.Occasional moderate aerobic exercise is enough to make a substantial

difference. Grab it where you can –walk a bitmore, go for a run, or get anactivehobby.Ifyoucantakeitoutsidethenallthebetter.

GIGO(GARBAGEIN,GARBAGEOUT)1

Sinceit’suptoyourmindtomanageyourworries,yourbrainshouldbeintip-topshapetodothat.Astheysay,‘garbagein,garbageout’,soifyoudon’tnourishyourselfwell,

you’llfeellikerubbish.Thesethingsshouldbeonyourwatchlist:

• Sugary foods (and sugar-free substitutes) • Too much caffeine • Overdoingalcohol• Tobacco

• Recreationaldrugs• JunkfoodEach of these things not only influences your body, but your mood too. Bymakingsureyoumonitorwhatgoesinyoucanminimiseandmakemanageableanyanxietiestryingtocomeout.

PROGRESSIVEBODYRELAXATIONFORSLEEP

Havingtroublesleeping?Getoutofyourheadandintoyourbody.Focusingononepartofyourbodyatatime,progressively,isthewaytodoit.Lyingonyourback, startwithyour feet.Take a long, slowbreath inwhile

squeezingyourtoesashardasyoucan.Asyoureleasethetension,letthebreathflow out and feel the stress leaving your toes and the feeling of relaxationcomingin.Nowdo the samewithyour foot, thenwithyour shin, calves,knees, all the

wayupyourbody.You’llnoticethatthepartsofthebodyyou’vealreadydonefeelliketheydisappear.Asyouprogress,youtradestressforcalm,andpavethewayforalongnight’s

sleep.

WALKITBACK

Whenyou’reinastateofreaction–whatmanyofuscall‘freakingout’,it’slikebeingonautopilotbutinabadway.Wecyclethroughthoughtsaboutthethingsweareworriedabout,generallymakingthingsworse.Thisisthetimetowalkitback.Thereisamomentwhereachoicecanbemade.Wecanrunforwardintowhat

seemslikeafiercefire,orwecanpause,andslowlywalkbackfromtheheat.This doesn’t mean that the event is any less real or important; we just

approachitinadifferentway.Weslowdown.Wetakeabreak,andwebecomelessidentifiedwiththepanicandbetterabletocope.

CLIMBUPAWALL(LITERALLY)

It’s pretty hard toworry about anythingwhen you are clinging to awall fiftymetresup–and that’s thewholepoint.Sure it’s scary,but it focusesyou likenothingelseandhasasurprisingcapacitytostillthemind.Byjoiningaclimbingclubyoucanbeassuredthatyou’resafe–theropeswill

catchyou ifyou fall.Youknow that,butyourbodydoesn’t and thisprovokesyoutoconcentrateononething–stickingtothatwall.Itdoesn’thavetobeclimbing–butanyphysicalactivitythatrequiresyouto

be completely focused will put your everyday worries aside, while youconcentrateonwhat’sinfrontofyou.

EXPANDYOURCOMFORTZONE

Imagine drawing a giant circle around yourself. Inside that circle you puteverythingyouarecomfortablewithand,outsideit,everythingthatmakesyouuncomfortable.Theseareyourcomfortzones.Inside that circle areyour routines, thepeopleyouknowbest, and the stuff

you’regoodat.Outsideitareunfamiliarthings,peopleyouareunfamiliarwith,andthethingsyou’renotsogoodat.Thecloseryougettotheedgethemoreuncomfortableyoufeel.Byexpandingyourcomfortzoneandpushing theedgeof thatcircle further

out, thebiggeryourcomfortzonebecomes,andwhatwasonceuncomfortablewillgraduallybecomefamiliar.Your personal growth lies at the edge of your comfort zone.Don’t let fear

holdyouback.Gototheedge,andpushitfurtherout.Comebacktoyourcentretorecharge.Breathe,groundyourself,andfindyour

calm.Nexttimeyoustepoutthatfaryou’llseeyourcomfortzonehasexpanded–andsohasyourzoneofcalm.

‘Nothinginlifeistobefeared,onlytobeunderstood.’

MARIECURIE

AVOIDANCE(THEGOODKIND)

Sometimesyoucansimplyhityourlimit.Youcantakeonlysomuchstimulationbeforeyourunoutoftheresourcesyouneedtodealwithit.Thetroubleis,youkeepploughingforward:youjustcan’tletgo.Thisisthetimefordistraction(thegoodkind).Get away from the situation. Take awalk.Watch amovie, even if it’s the

middle of the afternoon. Start cooking.Whatever it is, get off that one-trackmind.Sometimes it really is best to come back to it later. In themeantime, give

yourself a little time away, so you canmeet the challenge betterwhen you’reready.

AVOIDANCE(THEBADKIND)

Whilesteppingawayfromasituationcangiveyoujustthedistanceyouneedtoattackitinamoreproductiveway,avoidingtoomuchdoesjusttheopposite.Avoidance includes things like pretending something isn’t happening;

ignoringinformationyouneedtoknow;avoidingthingsthatremindyouoftheworryingsituation;pretendingeverythingisOK.Agoodexampleofavoidanceisapileofpostyou’renotopeningbecauseof

whatyoufearisinside.Whileitmaybescary,theproblemwon’tgoawayonitsown.Getanallyandholdsomebody’shandwhenfacingthescarything.Intheend,

it’sbettertoknow,andtofaceit.

LEANIN

If you’ve ever ridden a motorcycle you’ll know that you have to lean into abend. It seems counter-intuitive – your whole body wants to lean out! Butleaningoutofabendthrowseverythingoffbalance.Leaninginmeansacceptingthat lifeat themoment is inabend.Tryasyou

might,leaningawayonlythrowsthingsevenmoreoutofbalanceandsometimesintoawobbleoratailspin.Byleaninginyouacceptthenatureofthisparticularbend,andthrowyourself

intoit.Theasphaltmightlookveryclose–buteverybendcomestoanend,andthenthemotorbikewillrightitself.

HAVEANALLY

Itmaybeacliché,butit’strue.Aproblemsharedreallyisaproblemhalved.Oneofthemoredifficultaspectsofconfrontingworryisdoingitalone.Ifyou

know that someone, even just one person, is on your side, it makes a hugedifference.Ifyou’refacingaparticularlydifficultorworryingchallenge,it’stimetolean

onanally.Findapersonyoutrustandwhowon’tjudgeyouforyourtroubles.Ask them to help you through this rough time, and get them to check on younowandthenasyoufacethischallenge.Don’tbeshytoask.Onedayyou’llreturnthefavour.

‘Letusbegratefultopeoplewhomakeushappy,theyarethecharminggardenerswhomakeoursouls

blossom.’

MARCELPROUST

WATCHTHEVIDEO

We watch videos because we get to experience the excitement of what’shappening from the safetyof the sofa.Sometimesdoing this inyourheadcantakethebiteoutofdistressingsituations.Often when we are remembering distressing events or anticipating difficult

onestocome,itislikewearethestarofourownpsychologicalthriller.Insteadofbeingthestarofthefilm,trywatchingthevideoinstead.Thisbitof

distance betweenyou and theeventmay be justwhat you need to step out ofyourrole,andfindcalminthefaceofseriouschallenges.

METIME

Iknow,Iknow,abathfullofbubblessurroundedbyburningcandles,classicalmusic,blahblahblah…Still,it’saclichéforareason.Itworks.Weburnoutbecauseoftheweightofdemandsfromourselvesandothers.We

wanttobeagoodemployee;agoodparent;orjustagoodperson,butwhatdowedoforourselves?Everyoneneedstorecharge–butwedothisindifferentways.Forsomeit’sa

Netflixmarathon,forothersit’ssnugglingupwithagoodbook.Itdoesn’thavetocostmuch,butitdoeshavetogiveyouwhatyouneed.

MONEYSECRET:WHENTHERE’SENOUGH

Researchshowsthathavingenoughmoneydoesincreasehappinessquiteabit,butbeyondthattheincreaseisonlysmall.Enoughisnothavingtoworryaboutiteverydayandhavingamplereservein

casesomethinggoeswrong.Once you’re over that ‘enough’ bump, your security rises and you reach a

groundedfeelingthatincreasescalmandcontentment.Whatdecreasescalmandcontentmentiswhenyoustartcomparingyourselfto

others.‘Sure, Ihave“enough”butnotasmuchas“soandso”.’Startingdown this

trackisasurewaytostressanddiscontent.Byallmeans,trytoimproveyourlotbut there will always be somebody better off. So don’t get hung up oncompetition.

BESHORT-SIGHTED

Short-sightedness iswhenyoucan’t seeverywellatadistancebut things thatareclosebyarecrystalclear.Paradoxically,whenwegetanxiouswetendtodosoaboutthefutureorthe

past,eventhoughweexperienceanxietyinthenow.Things that have happened in the past are no longer under our control and

thingsthatmayhappeninthefuturearestillunfixed.Whenweexpendanxiousenergyworryingabouteither,it’sanexhaustingwasteoftime!Whatwecandoispayattentiontothingsgoingonrightinfrontofournoses

instead.By takingcareofwhatyoucanrightnow youcanmendmistakes from the

pastorprepareforthefutureinsteadofworryingaboutit.

LIFE’SLIKEANASSAULTCOURSE

It’sallaboutperception.Ifyou’rerunninga100-metredash,andyoucomeacrossahurdle,you’llbe

surprisedandyou’llcursethehurdleforbeingintheway.Ifyou’rerunningthehurdles,youexpectthemjustaspartofthecourse.Life is likeanassault course– it comeswith tyreswehave to jumpacross,

wallswehavetoclimb,andmudwehavetocrawlthrough.Byexpectingtheselittleadventures,they’renot‘intheway’.Approachthemasanaturalpartoflife,notsomethingthatgetsinthewayof

it.

‘Thereisavoicethatdoesn’tusewords.Listen.’

RUMI

BREATHE

It’stheoldesttrickinthebook.Sooldthatwedoitautomatically.Butwhentheshitreallyhitsthefanit’stimetogobacktobasics.Whenwe’re anxious, our systems fillwith stress hormones, our hearts beat

faster,andourbreathingshallows.Thisiswhenyouneedtobreatheconsciously,helpingtogroundyouandslow

thewholesystemdown.Takealongbreathinthroughthenose.Holditinjustacoupleofseconds,and

thenletitoutthroughthemouth.Breatheinrelaxation,andbreatheoutstress.Aboutfiveroundsofthisshoulddothetrick,bringingyoudownfromreactive

anxietyintoaplacewhereyoucangetabetterperspective.

LET’SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

Nexttimeyou’reinastateofanxiousworry,askyourself,‘AmIgoingtocareaboutthisinayear’stime?’Itturnsoutthat97percentofthestuffweareworryingaboutrightnowisof

noconsequencetousaweeklater,muchlessayearorfiveyearsaway.Thinkaboutsomethingthathadyoushakingwithanxietyayearago.Perhaps

somethingyousaidordidthatyouregretted.Isitsopressingnow?Whilesomethingswillofcoursematterlaterinthefuture,thevastmajority

ofourdailysufferingsdissolveaway.Sowhysuffer?Dothetimewarp,seethebigpicture,thenaskyourself,‘Isitworthitfeeling

thisway?’

IMMUNISEYOURSELFAGAINSTNEGATIVEEMOTIONALCONTAGION

Emotionalcontagioniswhenyougetaffectedbyanemotionthat’shappeningina larger group. If you cavort with complainers, you’ll see what’s wrongwithstuffeverywhere.Ifyouworkwithworriers,well,worryyouwill.Ifyoucan,thebestcurefornegativecontagionistofindanemotionalculture

that’s brighter and more positive. Try to hang out with people who reflectpositivityandsupport.If you can’t shift away so easily, try to minimise your exposure to the

negativityasbestyoucan,andwhenitcomes,don’taddtoit.Overtime,buildothers intoyour socialnetworkswhocanbeallies inbuildingamorepositiveculture.

TURNYOURVELCROSUITINSIDEOUT

Ever notice those things that just stick to you?Something somebody said thatstillbothersyoueventhoughtheysaiditagesago?It’s like you’re wearing a Velcro suit, and some people throw the kind of

Velcroballsthatstickrighttoit.Since you can’t stop people throwing sticky balls, turn your suit inside out

instead.Whenyoudothat,theballsdon’tstick:theyjustfalloff.You’ll be surprisedwhat a relief it is to turn that suit inside out andwatch

thoseballsjustbouncerightoff.Whethertheystickornotisnowentirelyuptoyou.

SLOWITDOWN

Whenyou findyourself frenetically looping inyourhead– thinking thoughts,stressingout,creatingto-dolists–it’stimetoslowyourpace–yourtotalpace.Whenwe’re frenetically trying to juggle a thousand things, it can feel like

we’re doing the right thing because we’re so charged up, multitasking andworkingfast.Operatingonoverdriveisfineeverynowandthen,butit’snotforeveryday.Next time you notice you’re operating on speed dial, do something very

simple. Slow your pace. If you’re catching up on your emails, or diggingfranticallythroughdrawerslookingforamissingthing,slowitalldown.Ifyou’re thinking, calculating,makingaPowerpointpresentation, it doesn’t

matter.Slowyourpace.It’sbetter.

JUSTNOTICE

We can often get carried away by our thoughts or our feelings. There’s a bigdifference between having a passing thought or feeling and being totallypossessedbythatthoughtorfeeling–especiallyifit’sadisturbingone.Thefactisweareneitherourthoughtsnorourfeelings.Wesimplyexperience

them.It’sourfearofexperiencingthemthatmakesthemscreamforattention.Sojustnoticethem.Thiscanbeassimpleas‘InoticeI’mscared’or‘Inotice

I’m upset’.When you allow yourself to have the feeling, the feeling doesn’thavetoworkashardtogetnoticedsoitstopsknockingloudlyonyourdoor.

CHARMINYOURPOCKET

Disturbing thoughts and feelings that are in your head can feel nebulous andhardtopindown.Afterall,youcan’tpackageupanuncomfortablefeelingandtieitoffneatly.Youcan,though,directyourattentionelsewhere.This works by transferring intangible worries in your head into a physical

feelingbetweenyourfingers.Whetherit’sprayerbeads,aworrydoll,astressball,orarabbit’sfoot–some

people find thathaving somethingaround tohold inmomentsofworrybringscalm.Thefeelingofaphysicalobjectbetweenyourfingersgroundsyouinthehere

andnow,ratherthantheabyssofyourfrightenedmind.Whatcanyoukeepinyourpocket?

PRIMITIVEFEARSINMODERNLIFE

Evolutionarypsychologyteachesusthatthesamefearresponsethatwasbuiltintoprotectusfromwildanimalsisatworktoday–butmostofwhatwe’rescaredofwon’tkillus.The things that do frighten us – failing a test, screwing up at work,

embarrassing ourselves in public – scare us as if we are encountering a wildanimal–eventhoughtheconsequencesaren’tlikelytodamageus.Sometimesithelpstoremindourselvesthat99.9percentofthetimethething

thatwe’reafraidofisnotlife-threatening.Soputyourfearsinperspective.It’llneverbeasbadasanencounterwithagrizzlybear.

‘Wecannotseeourreflectioninrunningwater.Itisonlyinstillwaterthatwecansee.Thesameistruewiththe

mind.’

ZENSAYING

ASKYOURSELFWHATYOUNEED

Sometimeswe forget to ask ourselves the simplest question, ‘What do I needrightnow?’Beingcaughtinamomentofgreatworryoftenmakesusforgettomakesure

ourbasicneedsarecovered.We forget toaskourselves simplequestions like,‘AmIhungry?AmIcold?DoIneedemotionalsupport?’In order to deal with our most pressing real-world concerns, we need to

supportourselvesfirst.It’snotselfish,it’sabsolutelynecessary.Weneedafirmgroundtostandonbeforeconqueringourfears.Sometimesthoseneedsarebasiclikesleep,nutrition,orevenjustaglassofwater.Sonexttimeyou’recaughtupinwhat’sgoingonoutthere–checkthatyou

havewhatyouneedinhere.

MYWAY

Follow the advice from the Great Oracle at Delphi and ‘know thyself’. Lookdeep inside and approach any given challenge in your life by drawing on theknowledgeofwhatmakesyoutick.While it’s great to look to models and mentors to understand how to deal

calmlywithchallenges,ultimatelyyouwillhavetodoityourway.Whatareyourskillsandhowcanyouutilisethembest?Whatdoyoufindhard,andwherecanyoufindsupport?Yourworldisinharmonywhenyouapproachlife’schallengesinawaythat’s

congruentwithwhoyouare.Otherswilldoittheirway–sodo‘myway’withgreatrespect–butfindyour

wayfromanauthenticplace.

‘Thebeginningisalwaystoday.’

MARYSHELLEY

GRATEFUL

Weoften getworried and anxious becausewe feel like something ismissing.This is called a scarcitymentality.We experience itwhenwe feel there’s notenoughtime,money,love,status,orsomethingelse.Thisanxietycanbesofamiliarthatwhenitgoesforamomentwemightask

ourselves,‘Wait,IknowIshouldbeworryingaboutsomething–whatisit?’Don’tlookforit.Thisistoxicthinking.STOP.Looktheotherway.Ifyoufocusyourattentiononscarcityyouwillcontinuetofeelyou’relacking

somethinginside:you’renot.Insteadask:‘WhatisinmylifethatIcanfeelgratefulabouttoday?’Thekindsmileatthesandwichshop.ThewayIcanseethefirstspringbudsonthetreesoutsidemyworkwindow.ThatIoncehadtheopportunitytoexperiencethiswonderfulmemory.ThatIhavesuchawonderfulpersoninmylife.Thewaythewindblewthoughtheoakleavesjustnow.Whenyouspiraloutonnegativethoughtsyouareinascarcitymentalityand

needtofindabundance.Findsubstance ingratitude– rememberwhatyouhave,andsendyour toxic

thinkingtothedump.Byshiftingyourattentiontogratitude,youlettheotherstuffgo.Whenyousmellthefreshairofgratitude,abundancewillfollow.

YOURLITTLETOE

Thinkaboutyourlittletoe.Rightnow,justthinkaboutit.Nowyou’reawareofyourlittletoebutwereyouawareofitbefore?Probably

not.Wherewasitthewholetime?This is how focus works. When we’re anxious or worried our focus is

hijacked from us and pulled towards distressing thoughts. Then we passivelyfollowthatthoughtandfeeldistressed!By learning to controlour focuswecanwrestbackcontrolofour thinking,

andoursuffering.It’syouincharge,notyourworry.When you think of your little toe, you’re not thinking about that worrying

thing.Pullyourselfoutofworrybychangingfocus.Itdoesn’thavetobeyourlittle

toe,butit’sastart.

CATASTROPHISING

Psychologist Albert Ellis used clear and simple language like the word‘catastrophising’todescribethethingswedotomakeourselvesmiserable.Wecatastrophisewhenwethinkaboutafutureeventas if it’sgoingtobea

totaldisaster.Wegetallworkedupoverastorywetellourselvesratherthanthefacts.Thecureforcatastrophisingisquitesimple.Avoiditbystickingwiththefacts

youknowinsteadofspeculatingaboutadisastrousfuture.Thinkofaguyinthestreetwhoseesyourfurrowedbrowandsays,‘Hey,itmayneverhappen!’Hemightberight.Butevenifitdoeshappen,itprobablywon’tbeasbadas

youanticipateandyou’llbeabletocopewithitbetterthanyouexpect.

‘Manisnotworriedbyrealproblemssomuchasbyhisimaginedanxietiesaboutrealproblems.’

EPICTETUS

GETNEAT

Oftenoursurroundingsreflectwhat isgoingoninourheads.Ifyourdeskisamess,somightbeyourmind.Nodoubt someofusareneater thanothers.So it’s important to judgeyour

surroundings based on your own expectations.Are thingsmessier than usual?Doyoukeeplosingyourhousekeys?Ifyoucan’t tidyupyourmindfirst, startwithyoursurroundings.Startwith

oneroom.Makeademonstrationtoyourselfthatyouaretakingcontrol.Acleandeskisagoodstart–soisasparklingsinkorbath.Focus on the job of making things neat, and then enjoy the serenity. Now

you’veshownyoucandothatoutsideyourself,howaboutinyourownhead?

GETMESSY

Whileneatnessmaybearelieffromamessyworld,toomuchcontrolcanmakeus rigidand inflexible. Ifyoucan’tbehappywhen there’s justapenciloutofplace,you’llhavetroubleinaworldthatcansometimesbeprettyuntidy.IfyouneedneatnesstofeelOK,howmightitfeeltotrytobeabitmessyon

purpose?Toleavethedishesinthesinkovernight?Toleaveasmalljobundone?Horror!Formany,creatingmesscausesmoreanxiety,notless.Butthat’sthepoint.If

youcan tolerateanxietyaroundyourmessiness,youcan trainyourself todo itaboutotherthingstoo.Itwidensyourcapacitytolivewithuncomfortablestuff.Tryit!Youcanalwayscleanituplater(andyouknowyou’llloveitwhenyou

do).

LETITBE

Feelingscanarise spontaneously.Whether theyaregood feelingsorbadones,theyjusthappenontheirownandthere’snotmuchwecandoaboutit.It’sthesamewiththoughts.Fighting a feeling almost always makes it worse. What if you could just

acceptitandletitbe?No,itdoesn’tfeelgood,butitcertainlyfeelslessbadthanfightingit.Bylettingafeelingorathoughtjustbe,wesaytoourselves,‘OK,hereIam

havingthisfeeling.’Itmighthelptoadd‘andit’snottheendoftheworld’.While there are a lot of good tricks (including the ones in this book) on

dealingwiththoughtsandfeelingsontheirlevel,oneofthesinglebestonesyoucanlearnisthisone–toletthembe.Feelings come and go of their own accord, and the more used to that we

become,thelessdistressingtheywillbe.

BEYOUROWNSUPPORTIVEFRIEND

Oftenthetimeswhenwestrugglethemostarealsothetimeswecanbehardeston ourselves. We might say to ourselves, ‘Get on with it’, ‘Pull yourselftogether’or‘Ohhowcouldyoubesostupid’.Wecantalktoourselvesinwaysthat we’d never speak to a friend. So why can’t we treat ourselves like asupportivefriend?Youwouldn’t kick someonewhile they’re down – sowhy should you kick

yourself?Whenyoucatchyourselfdoingit,stop.Thenspeaktoyourselfasyouwouldtothepersonyoulovemostintheworld.Ifyou’reseekingcalm,startbygivingittoyourself.

LETITGO

When you hold on to thoughts, memories, or conversations, they weigh youdown.Maybeit’stimetoletthemgo.Ifyou’reabletomakeamends,makethem.Ifyou’reabletogetclosure,try.However,wecan’talwaysdothosethings,eitherbecausesomeonerefusesto

giveittous,orbecausethatpersonisnolongerwithus.Whenyoucan’tfixitandwhenyoucan’tchangeit,youhavetoletitgo.Let

yourselffeeltheweightlift,andthereliefthatcomesfromnothavingtoholditanymore.

‘Itiswhatitis.’

UNATTRIBUTED

SOMEBODYELSE’SSHOW

Weoftenliveourlivesasifwe’rethestarsofourownshows.Themorewelookinward,thelonelierwefeel–likeourshowistheonlystoryintheworld.This is theperfect time to thinkaboutotheractors inall thoseother shows.

Considerthatthesupportingactorsinyourshowfeellikethestarperformersintheirown.Andforthem,you’reasupportingact!Then there are the billions of people you’ve nevermet, all starring in their

own life show. It’s easy to forget that everybody in theworld feels the sameway.Whenyourealisethisataverydeeplevel,itcanbeagreatrelief.

SECONDARYFEELINGSOFPRIMARYEMOTIONS

Didyouknowthatwhenyouexperienceanxietyorworryitisoftenasecondaryfeelingcoveringupaprimaryemotion?Whenwefindourselvescaughtupinfreneticworryaboutthingswehaveno

evidencefor–likeourhealth,thesafetyoflovedones,imaginedfuturedisasters–thatworryisoftenaproxyforamoreprimaryemotionweareunawareof.For example, while you may be worrying an awful lot about your health,

despite doctors telling you you’re OK, you might be hiding another concernfromyourself.Perhapsaboutyourrelationship,yourjob,oralovedone.Alternatively, you may find yourself concerned about what’s going on at

work, but unaware that there’s something youwant to say, strongly, and thatfrightensyou.Freneticworryoftengets inthewayofseriousmessageswe’regettingfrom

oursystem.Byquietingtheworry,wecangettothemainemotion.Ifitfeelslikeaworryspirallingoutofcontrol,itwon’thelpyou.Youhaveto

stepoutofitfirst.Then,acknowledgethatyouranxietyisaredherring,andlookinsteadfortherealMcCoy.You’re probably scared of the realMcCoy, but don’t be.Once you face it,

you’llbeontheroadtodealingwithitwithacoolhead.

LET’SGETPHYSICAL

Getoutofyourheadandintoyourbody.Doitlikethis:Choosesomethingthattakesphysicaleffortandcontrolorprecision:somethingyouhavetoconcentrateontodocorrectly.It might be yoga, martial arts, or dance. Find a good teacher. Get your

attentionoutofyourheadandintoyourmuscles,yourform,yourbreath,yourbody.When you’re working on a pose, movement, or routine, it takes all your

concentration.Movefromhead-braintobody-brain.Youneedthis.It’sgoodforyou.Yes,it’shard.Butthat’sthepoint.Exerciseotherthanfromyourmind.Sure,yourbodywillbesore thenextday,butyourmonkeymindwillhave

hadabreak.

DOSOMETHINGHARD

Itmightseemcounter-intuitivetodosomethinghardinordertofeelatease.Butit’snot.Findingcalmisn’taboutdoingnothing;it’saboutwhatyoupayattentionto,

howyoufocus,andgaincontroloveryourthoughts.Chooseanything,anewskill,somethingthattakeseffort.Learningtostickatsomethinghardhelpstotrainyourmind.The key is that you put your mind to something challenging and see it

through.Rememberthough,thisisn’tabouttorturingyourself!It’saboutbeddinginto

thehardworkofconcentrationandtrainingyourbrain.It’saparadox,butyou’llfindthattheharderyouconcentrate,thequieteryour

mindwillbe.

‘Courageisthepricethatlifeextractsforgrantingpeace.’

AMELIAEARHART

GOFLYAKITE

Whenconditionsareright,ittakesnoefforttoflyakite.Itfliesitself.It’sinakite’snaturetofly.Whenakiteisdoingwhatcomesnaturally,it’sametaphorfortrust.Itfloats

on thewind,andyouanchor it.Even if itneedssomehelp,arunningstart forexample,onceitgetsintheair,itdanceswithouteffort.Youtooarelikeakite.Whentheconditionsareright,youcansoar.Butwhat

makestherightconditions?The right kind ofwind, youmight say.Butwhen that ‘right kind ofwind’

isn’t blowing does the kite care? No, it sits quietly on the ground withoutexpectation–butwhenthatwindcomes,itsoars.Naturally.

CLEANDISHES/DIRTYDISHES

Youknow that feelingof relief yougetwhenyou’vedone all thewashingupandeverydishisnicelystackedwhereitbelongs?Then,asifnotimehaspassed,youseetheminthesinkcoveredinmuck.‘Howdidthathappensofast?’Thisislife.Therearenocleandisheswithoutdirtydishes.Dirtydishesmust

bewashed to have clean ones. If you accept that clean disheswill always getdirty,whycursethetimeyouspendcleaningthem?It’sjustpartofthecycle.In life it’s the same. Don’t curse the part of your life spent cleaning

metaphoricaldishes.Acceptyourdishesastheycome–dirtyandclean.

DON’TPAPEROVERTHECRACKS

Agoodproportionof stress and anxiety isn’t down to the actual problem, it’sdowntothewayyouapproachthatproblem.Infact,moststressinrelationtoaproblemisaboutfightingthefactthatthere

isaproblem.Often,whenconfrontedwithadifficulty,wetrytopaperoverthecracks,or

worse,ignorethecracksalltogether.So,lettherebecracks!Weallhavecracksandwedon’tneedtohidethem.Insteadofpaperingover

them, see them as part of your personal landscape.Addresswhat needs to beaddressed,andleavetherestastheyare.Betterauniquelydistressedwall,thanlayersofpeelingwallpaperanyway.

THEREARE26.1MILESBEFORETHEENDOFAMARATHON

Goalsaregoodthingstohave,butdon’tgethunguponthem.Thegoal isonlyat theveryendof theproject. It is the finish line. It is the

finalachievement.Don’tholdyourbreathuntiltheend.Don’tfeellikenothingmattersuntilyougetthere.Thereare26.1milestorunbeforetheendofamarathon.Therearemanyyearsofstudybeforesomeonehandsyouadegree.Thereisalottobewrittenbeforeyoureachthelastpageofabook.There’smuchexperiencetobegainedbeforelandingtheperfectjob.Whenwegethungupongoalsthemselveswemisseverythingalongtheway.Weworkourselvesupfornotgettingtherefastenoughandwefeelbadaswe

watchpeoplearoundusreachtheirgoals.We’ve heard that it’s all about the journey and not the destination, but we

insistondrivingourselvesnutsaboutdestinations.Feel that firstmile,enjoy that firstessay,write that firstpage,and invest in

yourwork.Youspendalotmoretimemovingtowardsagoalthanactuallyachievingit.

Sodon’trushsomuchtogettotheend.

‘Thinkofallthebeautystillleftaroundyouandbehappy.’

ANNEFRANK

‘Lifeisaseriesofnaturalandspontaneouschanges.Don’tresistthem;thatonlycreatessorrow.Letrealitybereality.Letthingsflownaturallyforwardinwhatever

waytheylike.’

LAOTZU

PUTONYOUROXYGENMASKFIRST

There’s a reason why airline safety demonstrations ask you to put on youroxygenmask before assisting someone else. Should the cabin depressurise, itcantakesecondstoloseconsciousness.Soyouneedtokeepyourheadsoyoucansaveanother’s.Manyofusgivesomuchtoothersthatweforgettolookafterourselves.We

spend our valuable resources on those we care about, leaving nothing forourselves.It’snotselfishtoputyouroxygenmaskonfirst,it’sabsolutelynecessary.This is, of course, ametaphor. But it’s an important one.Youwill support

othersbetterwhenyouareadequatelysupportedyourself.When’sthelasttimeyoucheckedifyouroxygenmaskwason?

GETYOURHANDSDIRTY

Whenyoufeelfullofstuff–thoughts,conversationsun-had,volatileemotions–itmightbetimetoexternalise.Thismeanstogetitoutofyourhead.Butwheredoyouputit?Makingthoughtsandemotionsintosomethingsolidcanreallyhelp.Getclay,

mashitabout,formsomething,getitunderyourfingernails.Perhapscolourismoreyourthing.Grabcrayons,chalk,pastels,fingerpaint!

Thethingistogetyourhandsdirty,getitoutofyourhead,andontopaper.Thoughtsandemotionsareelusive.Apieceofartisathing.Giveyourselfthe

opportunitytoexpressyourfeelingsintothings,andfindsomecalmontheotherside.

CHANGEIT,ACCEPTIT,ORGETOUTOFTHEWAY

Whenyouconfrontasituationthatyouareunhappywith,youreallyhaveonlythreechoices:changeit,acceptit,orgetoutoftheway.Tochangeityouneedtohavethecouragetotry.Getallthehelpyoucanto

makeasituationbetter.Ifitistrulyoutofyourcontrolthenitcannotbechanged.Byacceptingityou

stopfightingtheinevitable.Ifyoucannotchangeit,andyoucannotacceptit,youmayhavetogetoutof

theway.Thisalso takescouragebecause itmightmean leavinga relationship,quittingajob,ortakinganotherkindofrisk.Ifit’simpossibletogetoutoftheway,thenit’sbacktoacceptance.Accepting it or getting out of theway is not givingup. It is about taking a

realisticviewofasituationthatistrulyoutofyourcontrol,andmakingachoiceinyourbestinterest.

PERISHTHETHOUGHT(LITERALLY)

Thoughtscanmakeus suffer.Wecan follow themdowndarkalleys toplacesthatmakeusfeeldreadful,frightened,agitated,orfurious.Onewayofdealingwith thoughts iswith other thoughts.Youmight say ‘Don’tworry, it’s not sobad’forexample.Thisisdealingwiththethoughtsontheirownlevel.Sometimesthisworks.Othertimesitjuststartsabackandforththatgoeson

in your head ad nauseam. Sometimes the best thing you can do is perish thethought.Buthowdoyougetridofathought.Justseeitforwhatitis:athought.This

is bothvery easy andverydifficult.You see, youhave to let that thought go,withoutoverthinkingit.

GIGO(GARBAGEIN,GARBAGEOUT)2

Ourfirstencounterwith ‘garbage in,garbageout’dealtwith thephysicalstuffthatcantipusintofeelingnotsohot.Thistimeit’sthementalstuff.What isyourbrainconsuming?Atorrentof tweets?AphalanxofFacebook

posts?Anon-stopNetflixbinge?Moredistressingnewsabout theworld?Arethesethingscontributingtocalmortostress?Garbagein,garbageout.Whatyouconsumementallyisasimportantaswhatyouconsumephysically.

Makegoodchoicesaboutwhatyourbrainencounters.Choosequality.Chooseslowmentalfood.Itwillpaydividends.

SALTWATERFISHINFRESHWATER

Saltwaterfisharesogracefulandbeautiful.Freshwaterfishpaleincomparisontothoseyou’llfindaroundtheGreatBarrierReef.Fancysaltwaterfishdon’tlastlonginfreshwater.Theylosetheirlustreand

becomesickly.Theyneedtobebackintherightenvironmentinordertothriveandsurvive–toreturntograce.Areyouabeautifulsaltwaterfishtryingtomakeitinfreshwater?Maybeit’s

your job, your relationship, or the town you live in. Perhaps it’s othercircumstancesthatneedtochange.We need to exist, if we can, in environments that enable us to thrive. By

looking honestly at your environment – identifywhat needs to change.Makesureyou’vegotthecontextyouneedinordertocalmlyshine.

PAINVS.SUFFERING

There’s pain, and there’s suffering. Pain is usually unavoidable – like a soretooth,orabrokenheart.Sufferingusuallymakespainworse.Gettinga jab causes a small amountofpain.But if youanticipate thatpain

you’llsufferwithanticipation,you’llsufferduringthejabbecauseyou’remorelikely to tensewhen the needle goes in, and you’ll suffer afterwards from thetraumaofitall.Isn’titbetterjusttofeelthepinchandbedonewithit?Pain,sure,butit’sover

quickly.Nosuffering.Nexttimeyou’reinpain,trynottosuffer.Painisapartoflife.Sufferingdoesn’thavetobe.

WEARINGAWETNAPPY

Babies crywhen they’re uncomfortable.The very little ones don’t even knowwhythey’reuncomfortable–theyjustfeelrotten.Isitbecauseofhunger?Theneedtoburp?Orawetnappy?Lookatthebaby’sfacewhenthewetnappyisreplacedwithaclean,dryone.

That’sthefaceofcalm.Sometimeswe’rewearingwetnappiesandwedon’tevenknowit.Wewalk

aroundfeelinguncomfortable,unhappy,stressedout,orworried,anddon’tevenknowit.Maybe that wet nappy is a job undone, a relationship issue unresolved, a

promisetotheselfnotkept.Findoutwhatyourwetnappyisandchangeit.Youdon’thavetowalkaroundsouncomfortablyanymore.

THEPUPPYUNDERTHEBED

We can be quite nasty to ourselves sometimes.We tell ourselves off for notdoingsomethingwell;wehateourbodies;orwemakeamistakeand then ripourselvestopiecesforit.You might argue that if you weren’t so mean to yourself you’d never get

anythingdone.Butisthatthebestmotivation?Imagineascaredpuppyhidingunderabed.Howwouldyougetitout?Would

youyellandscreamandpokeitwithsticks?Ofcoursenot.You’d treat itgentlyandcompassionatelyuntil it feelssafeenough tocome

outonitsown.That’s how you should talk to yourself when you’re anxious or struggling.

Respectthepartofyourselfthat’slikeapuppyunderthebed,andtreatitwell.

DEVICEOVERWHELM

Are you recharging?No, I don’tmean your smartphone, your laptop, or yoursmartwatch.Imeanyou.Our environments are so full of distractions that we can go through long

periods of paying attention to everything but ourselves. Notifications, emails,pingingthis,buzzingthat.Giveitabreak!Ourdevicesarebuilttodistractus,whichistheoppositeofcalm,soweneed

tonotletthemdothat.Find time each day to be away from your devices. If you’re out for lunch,

leaveyourphonebehind.Bandevicesfromthebedroomandtakethemoffthetablewhenspeakingtofriends.Devicescontributetoyouranxieties.Don’tletthemcontrolyou.Youdecide

when.

‘Thereisnolivingthingthatisnotafraidwhenitfacesdanger.Thetruecourageisinfacingdangerwhenyouareafraid,andthatkindofcourageyouhaveinplenty.’

THEWIZARDOFOZ,L.FRANKBAUM

BEAFRAID,BEVERYAFRAID

Fearisfine.Itactivatesusandgetsusreadytomeetchallengesinlife.Whenweavoidourfearsorputthemoff,theygainpoweroverusthroughavoidance(thebadkind),worry,andunease.Most people areunder the illusion that theywill dealwith a scary situation

whenthefeargoesaway.Thethingis,ifwedon’tconfrontthescarysituation,we’llneverchallengeourfear.Meetyourfearheadon.

• Ifit’saconversation,haveit.• Ifit’sadecision,makeit.• Ifit’sadeed,doit.

Thefearwillgoafteryou’vefacedit,notbefore.Soyoumightaswellacceptyourfear,andfaceit.

DESCARTESWASWRONG

‘IthinkthereforeIam.’Right?Well, it certainly feels like that but people are not their thoughts. Still,

thoughts have enormous power over our emotions. If we think a negativethought,westarttofeelprettynegativelytoo.Ifyouthink‘I’materribleperson’youarelikelytofeellikeone.Butguess

what,that’sreallyjustathought.Itcouldhavebeenanyotherthought.Soreplacethatthoughtwithsomethingtotallyridiculouslike,‘I’mactuallya

furryelephant.’Thatisathoughtjustlikethelastone–onlyyouknowitisn’ttrue.Nowyoumightjustsay,‘Butit’strueIamaterribleperson.’Guesswhat?Theonlythingthat’strueaboutitisthatit’sathought.Andyou

arenotyourthought.

ZONEOFCONTROL

Wouldyousaythatyour‘zoneofcontrol’wasinsideoroutsideyourself?Whileit’sclearthatmanythingsareoutsideourcontrol,muchmentalunrest

comes from feeling out of control about the very things that we could be incontrolof.Whether it’s meeting deadlines, having difficult conversations, making

healthy choices, or saving money, we routinely blame others for choices weshouldbemakingourselves.Lookhonestlyatyourzoneofcontrol–areyoutakingresponsibilityforyour

choices?Themoreyouactfromyourcentre–thecalmeryouwillbeinmakingyourchoices,andfollowingthemthrough.

TASTEYOURFOOD

When’s the last time you actually tasted your food? Like really tasted it: theflavours,thetexture,thetemperature?Many of us eat to live, rather than the other way around. While we may

remember to appreciate itwhenwe sit down for a finemeal,what about thatsimplesandwichatlunch,oryoursnackinfrontofthecomputer?Foodisoneoflife’sfinestpleasures.Enjoyit.Bystoppingtoenjoyyourfood,youputaseriesofsensualbreaksintoyour

day.Thisisanimportantwayofgroundingyourselfandreconnectingwithyourbody.Whether it’sasnack,ora full-blownmeal, stopand taste it.Agreatercalm

andgroundingwillfollow.

LETTHESUNSHINEIN

Thisoneisliteral.Letthesunshinein.Whenthestormcloudscollectoverourheads,wecanforgettolookoutthe

windowandappreciatethesun.In winter months, when there is a lack of sun, this can make things even

worse. Summer orwinter, direct sunshine on your skin is thought to brightenmoodbyincreasingmood-enhancingneurotransmitterslikeserotonin.When we’re depressed or distressed we can withdraw into our dark caves.

Meeting the sunshinemeanswehave to go out. It’s a signal to ourselves thatwe’reseekingbrightness.Whenthesunpeekspastthosecloudsgetoutsideandletthesunshinein.

ALLCHANGE

There’snoavoidingchange,sowhyfightit?Most of us get comfortable in our ways, and when we see change on the

horizon we can become anxious. Change has the capacity to stir us up, tointroducetheunexpected,andtomakeusfearful.The trouble comes when we try to deny change, avoid it, or stop it. We

becomerigid in the faceof the inevitable,and thatmakesus lessable tocopewithit.Darwin showed us that the specieswhich adapt to change are the ones that

survive.Forexample, thetreethatbendsinthewindwon’tbreakinhalf–it’sadaptedtochange.You can’t stop change, but you can adapt to it. See change as an exciting

opportunitytoadaptandgrow.

‘Theonlythingcertainisnothingiscertain.’

MICHELDEMONTAIGNE

MONEYSECRET:SPENDONOTHERS,SPENDONEXPERIENCES,NOTTHINGS

If you’re fortunate enough to be financially secure youmight wonder what’snext. Acquiring even more will not bring you the kind of happiness thatbecomingfinanciallyindependentdid.What’smore,afteracertainpoint,ithasdiminishingpsychologicalreturns.Thehappinessderivedfrombuyingthingsisveryshort-lived.Sharedexperiencesareenjoyedandrememberedmuchmorethanthingsare.

Takeyourlovedonesonadventuresthey’llrememberforalifetime.Help other people or causes achieve their goals. Contribute to a culture of

generosity.Keepenoughmoney tomakeyoufeelsafe,butdon’thoard itanddon’tget

obsessedwithmore.Use the rest to inspiregenerosity inothersandcreate theconditionsofabundanceforallthoseyoucan.WillRogers: ‘Toomany people spendmoney they earned… to buy things

theydon’twant…toimpresspeoplethattheydon’tlike.’

SEETHESEA

Unlessyou’reluckyenoughtolivebythecoast,thisonetakesaspecialtrip,butit’sworthit.Thereissomethingabouttheexpanseoftheseathathastheuniquepowerto

cutacrossanysenseof‘choppywaters’inone’sownhead.Soseethesea,butdoitwithpurpose.Approachaquietpartofthecoastwhereyouwon’tbeinterrupted.Standnear

theshorelinefacingthehorizon.Feelthewindonyourface.Smellthesaltyair.Listentothesoundsofthewaves.Seethepatternofthewavesastheyapproachyou.Leteverythingelsego.Becomewhatyouarewitnessing.Bethere.Nowholdthatthought,andtakeitwithyou.

WALKINGMEDITATION

Walkingmeditationislikemindfulpacing.Youcandoitalmostanywhere,indoorsorout–justmakesureit’squietand

youwon’tbeinterrupted.Just likeasittingmeditation,setyourselfa time(tenminutes tostartshould

do)duringwhichyouwalkmindfullyforjusttentofifteenpaces.Stop.Breathe.Andwhenyou’reready,walkback,andstoptobreatheagainontheotherside.Whileyou’rewalkingmindfullynoticeyournaturalbreathing, theweightof

your feet on the ground, theway your bodymoves. If your thoughtswander,gentlybringthembacktoyourwalkoryourbreath.Thisimproveswithpractice,sokeepatit.

LOVEANDBELOVED

Ourrelationshipswithothersareoneof themost important thingsaboutbeinghuman.Whenwestruggleinourlivesweleanonthosearoundus.Whenthingsaregoingwell,wecelebrateoursuccesseswiththem.Inturnweareleanedon,andwecelebrateothers’successestoo.Forsomeofusbeingabletoloveandbeloveddoesn’tcomeautomatically.It

takeswork.Begentleandcuriouswithyourselfifthisishappeningtoyou.Think of those people in your life with whom you are closest. Think how

muchyoucareaboutthem.Tellthem.Careforthem.Lovethem.

FEELTHEEARTHBENEATHYOURFEET

Thisexerciseisbestdoneoutsideandinbarefeet,sobemindfulofwhereandwhenyouchoosetodoit.It’smosteffectiveonnaturalgrass.Nowtakeoffyourshoesandsocksandfeeltheearthbeneathyourfeet.So much of our lives we’re in comfortable (or not) shoes traipsing over

smooth floors, being carried by escalators or lifts, or being zoomed around incarsandtrains.Whendoweactuallytouchdown?Just standon thatunevenground.Feel theweightofyourbodypressingon

theballsofyourfeet.Imaginehowfarthelandgoesdownbelowyou,andtheforceofgravityonyourbody.Thisiscalledgrounding.Getconnected.Getcalm.

THATGUILTYMUSICALPLEASURE

Thinkof thatonesong thatyouwouldn’tbecaughtdeaddancing to inpublic.Nowfindaprivateplace(anemptybedroomusuallydoesthetrick)andplaythatmusic,loud,anddance.Wespendsomuchofourlivesfeelinginhibited–beingsociallycompliant–

doingtherightthing,whenwerarelyexpressourselvesfreely.There’sapartofyouthat’sdyingtoexpressitself,andnowit’stimetogiveitachance.Dancingtoyourguiltypleasurehasthepowertocutacrossfeelingslikestress

ordepression.Italsoworkswellforgettingyoutotakeyourselflessseriously.You’llalsofeelremarkablycalmafterwards.Comeon.It’stime.Whatwillyourguiltypleasurebe?

COMEONIN,THEWATER’SCOLD

Areyouatoe-in-the-water-firstoradive-right-inkindofperson?Thesearetwoverydifferentapproachestolife.Whileit’swisetotestthewater,you’rerarelygoingtofindapoolthat’sjust

therighttemperature.Sometimesyoujusthavetoleap.Coldwaterisunpleasantatfirst,butit’snotharmful:yougetusedtoit.Fearoftenkeepspeoplefromtakingaplunge.Sometimesyouneedtoallow

yourselftobecoldforalittlewhileuntilyougetthehangofit.Are you loitering around the edge of the pool of life? Is that keeping you

worried,consternated,orunsettled?Well,comeonin!Thewatermightbecold,butyou’llfeelbetterforhavingtakenaleap.

SCREAMINGBABYONAPLANE

Someof ourworstworries are like a screamingbabyon a plane.At first youcan’tignoreit,butafterawhileyoudon’thearitsoloudly–thenoisebecomespartofthefurniture.Whenitdoesfinallystop,yourealisehowveryquietit isandexperienceenormousrelief.Ourmoreabidingworriesarelikethescreamingbabywe’vegotusedto.You

don’thearthepiercingcriesanymore,butitislikelytostillbedistressingyouinthebackground.Perhaps you notice the underlying stress of an abiding worry? If you can

identifywhy your ‘screaming baby’might be upset and then address it – youmightbesurprisedjusthowquietitcanbecome.

TURNTHATGREATDANEINTOATOYPOODLE

Sometimes you know your thought, worry, or fear is overblown, but you stillcan’tseemtoletitgo.InasituationlikethisyourworryingthoughtislikeagiantGreatDanepulling

youdownthestreetbehinditbyitsleash:ithasallthecontrol.However,ifyoucouldre-imaginethisGreatDaneasatinytoypoodle,how

scaryisthat?Thisdoesn’tmaketheworrygoawayentirely–toypoodlesareharmless,but

theycanyaplikenobody’sbusiness.Buta smalldogbarkingat theendofa leash isawholedifferent leagueof

concern.Sure,youcanhear it yappingawaybesideyou,but it’syou that’s incontroloftheleash.

WHATYOURBODYNEEDS

Howwelldoyoulistentoyourbody?Imeanactuallylistentoit.Areyouawareofwhenyou’rehungry,whenyouneedabreathoffreshair,orevenwhenyouneedtopee?Ourbodiesneedourattention,andwhenwedon’tgivethemthat,theytryto

letusknow.Beingmindful of the basics – that you’rewell fed,wellwatered, andwell,

erm,emptied–willprovideyouwithasolidgroundforastateofcalm.Beingunawareofyourbasicneedshasknock-oneffectsthatbegininasubtleway,butincreaseuntilyouhavetorespond.Don’tletitgetthatway.Keepaneartoyourbody,andtreatitwell.

MEDITATION

Ifmeditationwerecalled‘sittingquietlywithyourself’itwouldseemalotlessofamystery.Incorporatingmeditation into your life has a ton of benefits for your well-

being –most notably for a general sense of equanimity and equilibrium. Thesimplestwaytodoitistofindtime,everyday,tositsomewherequietly.Focus on your breath and observe your thoughts and feelings without

judgement.That’sit.By doing this regularly you get a slight distance from the din of your life,

learningbitbybitthatyouarenotyourthoughtsandyouarenotyourfeelings.Bysilentlywatchingthemgoby,youarelessriledbyboth.

NIGHTSWIMMING

Trythissometime.Floatunderthestars.Youcandothisinaswimmingpool–buttheeffectismuchgreaterifyoucan

findanaturalwatersource.Youcaneitherfloatonyourbackorgetsomeassistancefromalilo.Position

yourselfinaquietplacestaringupatthesky.Makesureyourearsareunderwater,soeverythingisbeautifullymuted.Now

just look up at the stars as the water laps gently around you. You are fullysupportedlookingupintothecosmos.Just enjoy the sensation, and do nothingmore than listen to thewater, and

possiblythesoundofyourheart.Thisisatreat.Thisiscalm.

MUSIC

When is the last time you really listened to music? Not something in thebackground,andnotsomethingblaringfromyourearbudswhenyou’retryingtotaketheedgeoffacommute.These days we don’t give music the attention it rightly deserves – a truly

immersiveexperienceattheexpenseofeverythingelse.Whenisthelasttimeyoujuststoppedandlistened?Doitnow.Choosesomethinggentle,harmonic,possiblysomethingclassical.

Myrecommendationis‘TheMoldau’or‘Vltava’fromSmetana’sMávlast.Listentoawholemovement.Closeyoureyes.Detach.Becomethemusic.

TOPOFTHEHILL

In Dead Poets Society, Robin Williams’s character stands on his desk andencourageshisstudentstodothesame.‘Istanduponmydesktoremindmyselfthatwemustconstantlylookatthings

inadifferentway.Justwhenyouthinkyouknowsomething,youhavetolookatitinanotherway,eventhoughitmightseemsilly,orwrong,youmusttry!’Thisisgoodadvice.Try it fromyourdesk,but I recommendawidervista.Ahill,amountain if

you’re able.See thebigpicture.Your little viewcan feel rather squeezed andfamiliarattimes,sothiswillgiveyouadifferentperspective.

DON’TFIGHTTHENOW

Oneof thegreatestsourcesofmentalunrest iswhenyouarefightingthenow.Thisusuallyhappenswhenyousensethatafeelingyoumightbehavingwillbeunpleasant.Thesefeelingsmightbe:• Loss• Fear• Feelingmisunderstood• Sadness• Anger• LonelinessWhen we avoid the now moment, we are fighting against nature. While thefeelingyouareavoidingmayindeedbeunpleasant,tryingnottofeelthatfeelingmakesthebadevenworse.Letgo.Feelhowyouarefeelingnow.Letthefeelingwashthrough.Thefirstthingyou’lllearnisthatit’snotsobadafterall.The second thing you’ll learn is howmuch better you feel not fighting the

now.

DOGOOD

One of the interesting things about worry and anxiety is that they are soegocentric.ThatmeansallofthethoughtsandworriestendtoswirlaroundwhatitmeanstoME.Ofcourseweoftendoagreatdealofourworryingaboutothers.But ifyou

reallydigdown,you’relikelytofindthateventhoseworriesultimatelyendupinyourlap.‘Whatwillitbelikeformeifsuchandsuchhappenstothem?’Nowweallgetegocentricat times, it’snatural.Butwhenweare stirredup

andunderstress,it’sespeciallyimportanttotipthatbalanceawayfromtheego.It’stimetodosomethinggood.Yourgoodcanbeanything,fromasinglegooddeedtosettingyourselfupfor

regulardo-goodingbybecomingavolunteer.Whether it’s cleaningup theenvironment,befriending someone,orgivinga

handtosomeonelessfortunate,itwillde-centreyourselffromyouregoandreapbenefits(andcalm)foryourselfandothers.Importantly,thishastobesomethingyoudo.Settingupadirectdebitisgreat,

butforitreallytowork,youhavetomuckrightin.Helpbuildanabundancementality throughgivingandgenerosity.Givingto

othersandbeingforotherssweepsawayyourshameandguiltwhileprovidingotherswithwhattheyneed.Be altruistic, be good, be calm. It’s no crime to feel better about yourself

whileyou’regivingbacktoothers.