^IWTHWATCMM^ THE KABLEGRAM Vol. 58 Staunton, Military Academy, Kable Station, Staunton, Virginia, Wednesday, November 20, 1974 No. 2

Dr. Martha S. Grafton From

Mary Baldwin College, Speaks

In Honor of the Alpha Society Dr. Martha S. Grafton, clean

emeritus of Mary Baldwin College, addressed the Corps of Cadets of Staunton Military Academy recent- ly at fall installation services for new members of Alpha Society.

The society is the academy's most prominent organization. Its membership is limited to those sen- iors who during their junior year achieved excellence in the areas of scholarship, leadership, service and character. Those cadets inducted were Cadet Lt. Col. Thomas L. Bell, Cadet Capt. Robert Parrino and Cadet 1st Lt. Michael De- Young. Col. Harrison S. Dey, su- perintendent emeritus and a mem- ber of the Alpha Society, presented the three new members with cer- tificates of membership Following tradition and using the original "Order of the Alpha Society," Col. Dey then formally inducted each of the new members.

In addressing the cadets, Dr. Grafton spoke on the subject of "Heroes and the Need of Having Heroes." One's heroes, she told the students, reveals the kind of person you are and what you would like to be. Rejecting the widely held notions that we live in the age of the non-hero and in the era of no confidence where everyone seems to have feet of clay, Dr. Grafton pointed out that we do have heroes of a kind and that hero worship of worthy men is an excellent tiling.

"We all need heroes for char- acter development," Dr. Grafton warned the cadets. Usually hero worship begins early in life and does not cease until the power of growth is lost. There is little doubt, she observed, that times of mental progress are times when the mind finds or creates heroes to worship, often owing allegiance to several at the same time and each representing a particular need of development. Thus, Dr. Grafton told the cadets, you might have a

hero in military affairs, another in literature, another in politics, and yet another in sports. No one per- son, she warned the students, has all the virtues and it should not surprise us that this is so or disil- lusion us when we find our particu- lar hero is a human being like everyone else.

Continuing, Dr. Grafton noted, a schoolboy may choose the strong- est and boldest of his companions or his leaders may be unknown heroes. The more imaginative stu- dent may choose as his hero some famous explorer and later a hero of statesmanship or literature. Read- ing biographies, she pointed out, is an excellent way to learn about heroes.

She also reminded cadets that heroes do not have to be old. Many of history's outstanding figures, she noted, accomplished great tilings and achieved greatness while they were still quite young in years.

"You may even," she told the cadets, "be a hero yourself to a younger student, to your brother or to some friend." This, of course, she noted, is a terrible responsibil- ity. Yet living heroes are needed, she continued.

In concluding her address, Dean Grafton pointed out that it is im- portant for us to have heroes. While no human will embody all of the virtues, we can, she observed, have several heroes who may repre- sent different things for us.

"We tend," Dr. Grafton cau- tioned the cadets, "to take on the virtues and even the vices of our heroes. We imitate and tend to become like the people we admire the most." Quoting Jonathan Swift, Dr. Grafton said: "Whoe'er excels in what we prize appears a hero in our eyes."

Thus the kind of person you choose as your hero, Dr. Grafton told the cadets, shows to everyone the kind of person you are.

Parents' Weekend

One of the many traditions of the Staunton Military Academy is known as Parents' Weekend. In- corporated into this three-day per- iod are such events as drill com- petitions, dances, and parades.

The weekend began on Friday afternoon with an honor squad competition to be closed with the contest being won by "Bravo" Company's entry, under the splen- did supervision of Sgt. Pack Fan- cher. Following the competition, the corps received the dubious privilege of wearing "Charlie" to personal inspection for the first time this year.

Saturday morning brought parents flocking to the campus grounds, for purpose of conferring with teachers and touring the bar- racks. Afterwards, cadets and visi- tors adjourned to the Mess Hall for a buffet luncheon. This meal was served with the usual taste and quality. In mid-morning, the Howies "A" team put on a highly enjoyable exhibition. The team, with Bob Parrino in command, showed that all their hours of drill- ing had not been in vain.

In the afternoon, the football team proved its capability by soundly defeating Massanutten Academy. Coach Lombel, his staff, and the team arc to lie congratu- lated on their effort.

The day held sii'u more enjoy- ment, in the form of a fine dance, sponsored by the Cotillion Club. Once again we must thank Bob Parrino, as well as Lt. and Mrs. Bowman for their excellent work.

Sunday, for those of us who could make it out of bed after Saturday night, began with an honor guard for Brigadier General Smith. Later, General Smith was the reviewing officer at a parade held on Kable Field. Also at this parade, cadet officers received their long awaited commissions. All of the officers of the Battalion are worthy of salutations on their of- ficial installment in their parts.

In finishing, I believe it is rea- sonable to say that most visitors left the academy with a favorable impression. This may not have been the best Parents' Weekend in the academy's history, but it was sure- ly the best in my experience. o

Wild

Action! by Larry Lord

One of the many clubs here at SMA is the Explorers Club, but this club contains a little more and something extra compared to the other clubs because it engages in the many exciting activities that please all teenagers.

As a member of the Augusta County Explorers Club Post, our division goes camping, cave explor- ing, rappelling and hunting.

The faculty advisors for the club are Capt. Phil Webb and Lt. Al Richardson. The cadet officers are: President—Eddie Edwards, Vice- President—J. M. Cooke, Secretary —Kevin Cain and Treasurer—S. F. Cooke.

Membership for the club is still open, and the dues required by the post are $2.50 per person. All other expenses are paid by both SMA and the Augusta County Post, so don't miss out!

•

PASS IN REVIEW!!! WARREN HUTTON

When the name Warren Hutton appears, one usually associates with either football, the nickname "Hot- ter" or the Battalion Adjutant of the Corps. Actually, Warren Hut- ton has many more attributes to be known than just those.

Warren came to S.M.A. in 1971, from Hickory, N. C, and is defi- nitely a credit to his hometown. (Major Wease and Major Neilson, Hickory can't be all that bad if it can produce people like Warren). Warren entered S.M.A a.s ? fresh- man and was a private in C Com- pany. During this year, he was a member of the winning Honor Squad, and received the English 1 award. Warren returned to S.M.A. for his second year as a sopho- more in Company C. This year Warren was his company's Honor- Squad Leader and again received the English award (along with Tom Bell in a joint award). Last year Warren was the First Sgt. of the winning Honor Company for the year—Delta.

For his senior year, Warren came back as the xo/Sl; the exe- cutive officer and Battalion Ad- jutant who just earned the title major. Warren holds the second highest rank in the corps of the cadets. He is also the personal officer, who handles all the paper- work, such as duty rosters. Despite all of these pressures, duties, and his schoolwork laid upon him, War- ren always remains a calm and easy going guy.

In his years at S.M.A. Warren has been an excellent cadet. He has received the Military, Com- mandants, Headmasters and the Superintendent's Ribbons various times. Warren has also earned the Sharpshooter and the S-80.

Warren has been extremely ac- tive in extracurricular activities as well. He is a member of the Maj. Thomas D. Howie Honor Society, the Kablegram Editor-in-Chief and the Cotillion Club Co-Chairman. Warren is also very well-known for his athletics. He is one of our most valuable football players. On our team, lie starts as linebacker and flanker.

After graduation, Warren wishes to attend the University of North Carolina and enter the field of law, a desire stems from his favorite subject, government.

Warren is definitely an asset to our school and lias contributed much toward the greatness of S.M.A.

Warren is asked by many of his fellow cadets: Does everyone from Hickorv have red hair'

TOM BELL

Tom Bell is the Corps Com- mander here at S.M.A., and just from attaining that position much can be known of him. One doesn't earn the high rank of Lt. Colonel and the position of First Captain, unless he is tops in the fields of leadership and respectability.

Tom has many responsibilities which his position entails. Mainly, he is the cadet officer in charge of and responsible for the appearance, military bearing, discipline and training of all cadets.

Tom didn't have to travel far, as many did, to come to S.M.A., for he is straight from our beloved city of Staunton, located in the heart of the beautiful Shenandoah Valley.

Tom came to S.M.A. as a fresh- man and was a private in Com- pany Charlie. During the year of 1971-72 he received the Outstand- ing New Cadet Award, the Physi- cal Science Award, the Leadership 1 Award, the Supreme Junior Cadet Award, given by the army, and was a member of his company's Honor Squad. Tom returned to S.M.A. for his sophomore year as a staff sgt. and was a Squad Leader in Charlie Company. This year he received the awards for Plane Geometry, Biology and English 2 (a joint award with Warren Hut- ton). Last year Tom was the First Sgt. of C Company and received the awards for chemistry, history 2, English 3 and the Association U.S. Army Award.

Tom has been a member of the J.V. Football team here and was a member of the Varsity Football Team until he had developed a back injury. Tom has also been a member of the Track Team, Rang- ers Club, and now is a Cotillion Officer.

During his years at S.M.A., Tom has received the Military, Com- mandants, and the Superintendent's Ribbons on numerous occasions. He has also earned the Sharpshooters Award, and also is in the Alpha Society.

Tom lias recently received a nomination to West Point and was also nominated for the Legion of Valor. This award is given by the Army, to the top cadet in the ROTC Region.

Tom is also applying for an Army R.O.T.C. four-year Scholar- ship. Tom is planning to attend William and Mary College in the fall of 1975.

As of now, Tom is undecided about his future, hut it is certain that he will try to do his best in whatever field lie chooses.

age THE KABLEGRAM

THE KABLEGRAM

STAFF

Warren Hutton Editor-in-Chief

Robert Parrino Managing Editor

Gregory Horgan News Editor

Eddie Edwards Features Editor

Richard Kessler Sports Editor

Kent Vredenburgh Typing Editor

Richard Coleman Circulation Manager

Eddie Edwards Business Manager

Major C. Douglas Neilson, Jr Faculty Adviser

FEATURES STAFF

Bantz, P.; Barb, K.; Franklin, T.; Clary, M.; Noble, D.; Pfarrer, C.

NEWS STAFF

Smith, T.; DeYoung, M.; Webb, S.; Winford, T.; Lord, L.; Brosnan, T.; Caplan, M.; Price, A.

CIRCULATION

Lucy, J.; Whitley, J.; Moore, T.; Winford, T.

TYPING STAFF

Carey, J.; Black, A.; Arnold, R.; Rossi, J.; Lord, L.

SPORTS STAFF

Clawson, D.; Smith, T.; Hayslip, J.; DeYoung, M.

PHOTO STAFF

Cooke, J.; Penniman, R.

The Staunton Military Academy Newspaper.

Published tri-weekly during the school year, beginning in October, vacations excluded. Subscription price, $5.00 per year, in advance. Advertising rates upon application.

Entered as second-class matter October 18, 1924, at the post office, Staunton, Virginia under the Act of March 3, 1879.

Letters to the editor are wel- come. They should be limited to 300 words in length.

All letters must carry the name of the writer. If a letter is written for a group of people, the name of at least one member of the group must be signed.

The Kablegram reserves the right to reject any letter deemed inflam- matory, libelous or otherwise con- trary to the public interest.

Write: To The Editor P.O. Box 5316 Staunton Military Academy Staunton, Va. 24401

LETTERS

WELCOME

Proper Form

For Answering

A Stick?

deer Col. Love, Sir:

i sea my name on your "stick paper" downstairs an it says i wuz not there at rifle practice, how do you no? Enyway i wuz their but i didn't sea you, sombudy sez i'll get beet. Now wots beet enyway, i didn't want it, do you sure you don't! it wuz their before they blew come together on that horn two, kan you blow that their horn? this idea of beet dont make me feel so good

Hoping you are the same i am yours truly

XXX

*■■ rtr«f

BOO H00 YOU!!

Cinema Series On every other Saturday night at

S.M.A., the sound of gunfire, Paul Newman, and speeding cars can be heard being emitted from Memorial Hall. No, it is not a late night MT-4 class, but rather one of the movies presented by the Chapel Council. Since the beginning of the program, attendance has fluctu- ated, but it now seems to be on the uprise. The first presentations were marred by a less than perfect sound system. Judging from the most re- cent films, however, this problem has been overcome to a great ex- tent by a new sound system.

Responsible for this anecdote to weekend boredom are Chaplain Brandt, who had the original idea for the series, Scott Groseclose, who runs the projector between spells of popcorn transfusions, and the two headquarters men who give up a great amount of sleep in order to prepare for various chapel events, Jose Pesquera and Rocky Vrenden- burgh. Last, but not least, we can't forget that infamous Howie Rifle from the bank, Z. Cooke.

So, for those cadets who desire something to do other than a wild night in the recreation room, or a cheap, dark place to bring their dates, the S.M.A. Cinema Series could be the answer. It only costs a dollar, and on the way to the theater, you don't stand much chance of being called a bellhop.

It has been said that every house and room in the world is haunted with the failures, victories, de- sires and plans of those who have inhabited them. However, some buildings are supposedly haunted in the more literal sense of the word; they actually contain spirits from the beyond. One such build- ing is our own North Barracks. Although it has been several years since anyone lived in North Bar- racks, many people believe that there are supernatural beings there.

Probably the best-known about North is the tale concerning the cadet wdio, in the mid nineteen- fifties, hanged himself in his room. There are many conflicting ac- counts of the incident, especially as to whether it was a planned suicide or merely a practical joke that backfired. Regardless of the true facts, this unfortunate cadet cer- tainly had good reason to return from the nether-world as a spectre and haunt the site of his demise.

Before beginning to gather the information for the article, I had already heard the above story sev- eral times, and in several forms. In talking with one of the Academy's long-time residents, however, I learned of another inhuman in- habitant. It seems that at one time, there was a creature named "Cork," who allegedly could be seen leap- ing from peak to peak on the cam- pus' buildings. He has not been around for quite a while, but may- be he is sleeping on one of the mattresses that are stored in North Barracks. And who can blame him? It must be pretty tiring to jump around in the sky all the time.

Being a relatively new person here, it is hard for me to imagine North Barracks as a place where people once lived. It seems an empty, closed in place where a person would not want to spend much time. But it also seems a quite likely place for ghosts al- though I do not, as a rule believe in such things, I am not entirely willing to admit that there is no possibility for North to be the home of supernatural beings.

Perhaps we will never know whether the building really is haunted. Maybe the only way to find out is by spending a night there, alone with the darkness and what it may contain. But if any- one has such plans, don't ask me to join you; I can stand living in un- knowing safety.

Tim Brosnan

Tim Brosnan

Mr. Toad: Dear Toad,

Just yesterday 1 was out at sweep detail, and someone threw a T.V. set out of a third gallery window, and it hit me right on the head. Then, as I was crawing back through the sally-port, somebody nailed me with a twenty-five pound toiled paper bomb, as I was round- ing the corner Wedge Pfarrer ran me over with his skateboard. By that time the rat bell had already rung, and I dashed to the forma- tion, as I was, and got stuck by Sgt. Hano for lack of personal hygiene. What can I do^

Elton

Dear Elton, Actually, I don't want to get in-

volved.

If you've got a problem, ask "the toad."

Write: Ask The Toad P.O. Box 5316 Staunton Military Academy Staunton, Va. 24401

The toad regrets that he cannot give financial advice.

Dear Toad, I've been at S.M.A. 6 years now,

and I haven't had a date yet . . . I've tried everything, sex appeal toothpaste from the supply room, Corfam shoes, I even asked Mal- come in the canteen what I should do . . . I'm desperate, you've got to help me, what can I do?

-D.C. Dear D.C.

Well, did you try taking a show- er yet?

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THE KABLEGRAM Page 3

SONG DEDICATIONS

Throughout the year we meet many people with different and often unusual personalities. These people may remind you of other people that you may have known, but most of the time you can re- late them with a song. For these people we dedicate the following.

To Eddie Edwards we dedicate "Hollywood Swinging"

To Randy Melton — "Space is the Place"

To Gary Brewshaw -— "Gonna Meet My Maker"

To Major Neilson — "I Can't Make the Blind See"

To Scott Groseclose — "Nothing From Nothing Leaves Nothing"

To Mike Snyder — "Saturday Night's All Right"

To Rev. Brandt — "The Faith Healer"

To Hooter Hutton — "Wine and Women"

To the Senior Class — "On the Road to Freedom"

To Flanigan — "Let Them Say What They Will"

To John Knie — "O.D.'s on Life Itself"

To Jarnigan & Pepper — "Walk On"

To Major Wease — "All the Time in the World"

To SMA — "Behind Closed Doors"

To Gary Griego — "Half Breed" To Sgt. Gibson — "Hearts of

Stone" To this year's rats of '74-75 —

"You Can't Take It" To Chuck Pfarrer — "On the

Beach" To Russ Penniman — "Come on

Down to Earth" To the Football Team — "Any

Number Can Play" To Glen Isgur — "You're So

Vain" To Lt. Bowman — "Jazzman" To Capt. Howdy — "Alone Again

(Naturally)"

To the First Sergeants — "Some Day, One Day"

To "A" Company — "You Can't Win Them All"

To Tom Bell — "Who Am I?" To the Senior Class — "Glad

When You're Gone" To Z. Cooke — "You're in the

Army Now" To Col. Love — "Career of Evil" To Sgt. Mays —■ "Pony Ex-

press" To Jim Hayslip — "Anyone's

Daughter" Finally to J. Dunn, F. Rushton,

& Chriss Reorean we dedicate "All Night Song"

BASKETBALL With the basketball season just

a month away, let's take a preview look at the coaches and players on this year's varsity team. The bas- ketball team will be playing in the newly formed Virginia Independent Conference. Colonial William Pan- dak is again the head coach. He will be assisted by Lt. Rick Warn' ler. With their experience and guidance, it i= hopeful that the team can go a., the way to the top.

Robert Speaker and Hillary Pan- dak are the returning lettermen from last year. They both look good for starting positions. Other people to watch out for are Randy Thomas, Jim Payette, Ernesto Castillo, and Hermes Vasquez. At the conclusion of the football sea- son, the basketball team will pick up more players. The team has been practicing for about a month now, and when the first game comes around, they should be in pretty good shape.

With all the hard work the team puts into practicing, one of their greatest rewards could be the par- ticipation from the whole corps at all home games. When the games are played at S.M.A. go out and support the team. After all, the basketball team represents the whole school, not just themselves.

Rogues

Sentries First Win Is 42 to 0

On October il the SMA Sentries met the Hargrave Military Acad- emy Tigers on Kable Field at 3:00 pm.

The Sentries combined an ex- cellent offense and a good defense to romp over the visiting Tigers 42-0. This was the Sentries first win of the season.

The offense was led by the quar- terbacking of Allan Vesser and the running of backs Warren Hutton, Glenn McMillon and Howie Saul.

The score at the half was 30-0 in favor of SMA

All hopes for the Tigers were shattered when Howie Saul took the opening kickoff of the second half 90 yards for another Sentry score. This raised the SMA total to 36 and left HMA's total at 0. The Sentries shutout was threaten- ed only once in the third quarter when the Tigers drove to the SMA 23 but were halted and a field goal attempt was short.

Winning head coach of SMA Karl Lombell was particularly pleased by his defensive unit which held the Tigers to a total of four yards rushing.

Coach Lombell was aiso pleased by the outstanding performance of defensive players Donnie Williams, Bobby Barksdale, and Glen Mc- Millin for shutting Hargrave inside rushing off.

STATISTICS

HMA SMA 4 First Downs 13 4 Yards rushing 213 58 Yards passing 101 62 Total offense 314 5-12-1 Passing 4-5-0 3-2 Fumbles lost 1-1 2-34.0 Punts 2-25.0 7-35 Penalties 7-65

Hargrave 0 0 0 0— 0

Staunton 14 16 6 6—42

Gallery. . . "LITTLE HEB"

alias: Glenn Isgur claim to fame: everything racket: SFC D Co. jinx: Stuart Hall one wish: a date

"FRENCHY"

alias: Laurent Janowsky claim to fame: soccer racket: asking questions jinx: temper one wish: Cpl.

"KEEBLER"

alias: Jim Whitley claim to fame: 2-year junior racket: giving out "deep" darl

chocolate chips jinx: summer school one wish: senior cord

"RED-2"

alias: Tom Remaley claim to fame: TR 6&J/2 racket: wrestling jinx: M.J. (Red-1) one wish: California

"PEANUT"

alias: Glen McMillan claim to fame: cashews racket: football jinx: Ehrhart one wish: future dates with "his

sister"

"DAVIS" MARAUDERS"

alias: Military Department claim to fame: FM 22-5 racket: drill jinx: lst/Capt. one wish: Foxy Secretaries

"MONK"

alias: James Hayslip claim to fame: nightly forays racket: dust mop king of Soutl

Barracks jinx: falling out of bed one wish: dreams would come true o-—■

KABLEGRAM CUTIE

Age 17

Cousin of

Rick Kessler

SMA Romps Over MMA 58-0

On October 26, Parents' Day at SMA, the Sentries, now 2-3, com- pletely dominated the very undis- ciplined Massanutten J.V. football team.

The Sentries, who are composed completely of undergraduates, out- classed a hapless Massanutten squad.

The Sentries offense was led by the running of backs Howie Saul, Glenn McMillin, Warren Hutton, Charles Ratcliff and David Claw- son. The quarterbacks were Eddie Elliot, Allan Vesser and John Hut- ton. Massanutten was completely dominated by the Sentry defensive machine, led by the aggressiveness of David Poe, Howie Saul, Bob Barksdale, and Mike Allan. Mike Allan had two interceptions which set up touchdown runs of 45 and 63 yards by Howie Saul. Another in- terception was returned for a touch- down by Warren Hutton. Kevin Bloch, a lineman for the Sentries, also scored when he jumped on a fumble in the end zone on an extra point conversion attempt.

SMA now stands in a very good position to enter the playoffs against North Cross which has a 6-1 record which is best in the league.

However the Sentries must com- bine all of their forces and win their next three games. The Sen- tries play Belfield November 2 in Charlottesville. The next two are with Fishburne Military Acad- emy on Nov. 2 and New Cas- tle High School Nov. IS. Both of the later games will be played on Kable Field, Staunton, Va.

The six teams in the league are SMA, North Cross, Fishburne, Hargrave Military Academy, Rock Hill Academy and Belfield. North Cross is the league leader with a record of 6-1, SMA is second with 2-3. All the other teams have 4 or more losses.

To attain the spot in the play- offs, the Sentries will need to work hard. The Sentries are YOUR foot- ball team. Support them.

Shawn Webb

That Will Be The Day When!!! That will be the day when:

"A" team looks good. Bob Parino gets Major. Glen Isgur gets 2nd Lt. "Shorty" grows to 4 feet. Al Leoffler graduates from

S.M.A. Mike Deyoung gets his name in

the papers. When Chooch Coleman quits

eating M&M's. Capt. Webb has a clearance sale. Pack Fancher doesn't have to

sneak up on his food. Astronauts land on the planet

Horgan. Laurie Combee doesn't date an

Italian. Mike Jeck gets commissioned. When Bad company isn't B

company.

HAPPY

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Page 4 THE KABLEGRAM

ATHLETES OF THE MONTH

Eddie Elliott is a junior from North Palm Beach, Fla. This is his second year at S.M.A. and he plans to graduate from here. Before coming to S.M.A., Eddie attended Palm Beach Gardens High School where he was on the football and golf teams. Eddie lettered in golf last year while at S.M.A. and he plans to go out for it again this year. We would like to wish Eddie the best of luck.

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To The Rear

March .... Well howdy-hi fellow Cay-dets,

it's time to take a thrill packed tour of the permanent honor com- pany. Headquarters! (Company?)

First we enter room 123, home of the whopper and the color guard too, pushing aside the curtains we see 'Monk' Hayslip catching a few zzz's on the bottom bunk and mut- tering something about fleas. Whirling around we scope Wedge Pfarrer with his head out the window yelling about the heat; and something about a man named KO-JACK. The third 'illustrious' occupant, Skippy Speaker, isn't in right now, he's down at the supply room buying a new dustmop.

Stumbling to the door, we glance back and see that 'monk' is still

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Mike Allen hails from Greensboro, North Carolina. This is Mike's first year at S.M.A. Last year he attended Eastern Wayne High School in Goldsboro, N. C. Mike is a junior and plans to return to S.M.A. again next year. Last year, Mike participated in football and baseball. This year he plans to play both spoils again.

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goin' for it, so we decide to leave. Next we enter the domain of

Capt. "A" (and that doesn't mean Alfonzo) Price and Keebler Whit- ley. Jay's over by his mirror ad- justing his pips, and watching as Whitley orders a "Berger" to go (and not from Hardee's either).

Next we gain access to pit 121, home of Kwai-Chang-Miao, and Jungle John Harrison. Tony's down at 7-11 buying the latest Kung-Fu mag while Jungle's out getting a sodypop; where'd d'ya get the change John? Stumbling over the trashcan we enter the deep room of Deadeye Williams and "stuck-up" Nelson.

Dead-eye is over in the corner, comparing himself to a 1956 picture of Johnny "U," after barricading the door, to keep the dust out. Mark is practicing his whisper- enunciation, and wondering what happened to his last care package. BURP Ah, well yes... Dodging the flying apple cores, rolling rock bottles, old tires, etc., we make our way up the stairs and into the room of Rocky J. Vendenburg and Bullwinkle T. Rouillon. Rocky's sitting at his desk and averaging up his six weeks' grades, (gee-whiz only a 99 in history!) and Bull- winkle has got his head out the window looking for white Cadillacs.

Falling down the stairs (thank God only one flight) we land in

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Thos. Hogshead, Inc.

15 W. Beverley

room 201 home of Jose "Six Stripes" Pesquera. We find Jose up to his usual antics, this time he's test firing the cannon at an 8'xlO' color glossy of the military department, Maintain Jose!

Stepping out onto the gallery, our ears still ringing, we see Key- det Horganism yelling down into the quadrangle, between drags, ordering someone to put out that cigarette.

Entering the room, we are almost blown out the door by Lenord Skynard. Plugging our ears and bracing ourselves against the shock waves, we can barely make out the shape of Keydet Grogly shining his diamonds and ordering a cor- fam frog from the Citadel cata- logue.

Now let us go and check out the Battalion Staff rooms. These are the rooms of the cadets who are the most beneficial to Hqs. and to S.M.A. (ha! ha!) As we enter Warren "Hooter" Hutton and Crome Dome Tom Bell's triplex apt., we find Crome Dome enter- taining his parents in the side room while Hooter is fighting through the mounds of bottles, cans, paper, trash, and the remains of the green chair which Eddie Edwards has destroyed. "Hooter" is looking for his bed, or something in this mys- terious apt.

Now we will take a few steps down to the villa of Eddie Ed- wards, the school supply officer.

Eddie runs his own little Black Market in his room selling the school supplies. He is beating on his wall trying to quiet down his next door "nightmare," Chooch Coleman. Chooch is in his room dreaming about his past experi- ences while awaiting a phone call from "Jack Daniels" Motlow, at 6:45 AM! Chooch is the S-2, that is the intelligence officer, but has completely forgotten what the day and the month is. I wonder if M.M. could be the cause of this sudden illness.

Finally we can take no more, and as we run screaming out the sally- port, we hear Grog call, "Yaw'l comes back now, ya hear?"

Headquarters isn't really "Gross," is it? o

Turkey

Lurky

Says:

GOBBLE

GOBBLE!

702 West Beverley Street Staunton, Virginia 24401

GOOD NEWS BOOK STORE Books — Bibles — Sunday School Materials

Music — Religious Gifts — Monograming

Phone: Business 885-1060