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THE

HOLIDAY SurvIvAL GuIDe PlannEr Book THing

TABLE OF COnTEnTsEditor’s Note

The holidays are here and every-one’s freaking out — as if we’re all storming something more terrifying than the beaches of our own gluttony.

Nope, we’re going to Wal-Mart. And the liquor aisle. And the in-laws’.

To ensure you negotiate each with aplomb – or at least a stiff drink – we present this: the first ever InsideHook Holiday Survival Guide Planner Book Thing.

Married with kids? Bachelor returning to the hearth? No matter, my nog-swilling brethren, the tips inside will help. A glimpse:

• Rules for Running the Office Holiday Party• How to Navigate Someone Else’s Family• Your Ten-Minute Amazon Prime Shopping Guide

It’s all in there.

Now, that said, we realize the holidays aren’t for everyone.

Just ask my mother, who – as if she had lost an election to vote Christ-mas out of office – is leaving the country this year for Mexico.

So we’ve also included a few tips about where to travel (aside from the bar) this season. You’re welcome.

Now get out there.

Editor’s Note

How to Navigate the Office Holiday Party

The 7 Rules of Holiday Travel

The Winter Coat You Should Be Wearing

How to (Successfully) Visit the In-Laws

The Ten-Minute Amazon Prime Buying Guide

The Four Whiskeys You Should Be Drinking

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

How to Host a Holiday Party

Holiday Music That’s Actually Not S%!##y

How to Eat Everything on Your Plate

How to Stream a Holiday Movie

How to Make the Best Damn Leftovers Sandwich

How to Abandon Your Family for the Holidays

Our Holiday Gift Gude

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15Happy holidays, all ye mensches, princes, and Father Christmases,

Steve Bryant Executive Editor 1

5. Drink only ScotchDid you know when you drink Scotch your breath and your person will reek entirely of Scotch, which covers up most transgressions, whether at the buffet table or in the copy room? Isn’t that cool?

6. Bring your wife“Oh, John is an adult,” they say. “Let’s just stay over here and pour more Boone’s Farm in the punch bowl,” they say.

7. Failing that, know when to go home to herShould anything untoward have happened, remember Rule No. 5.

1. Do not nominate yourself for the organizing committeeYou’re already on an organizing committee. It’s called being a boss.

2. Always, always arrive lateEarly bird gets the awkward conversation.

3. Do not accept the advances of the office slutOr the married lady. Or the intern. The Murphy’s Law of office hook-ups says that the more you try to keep this a secret, the better the chance your co-workers will see your bare ass.

4. Plan the after-partyBut don’t own it. The best parties are when you’re not sure who the host is. Casually spread the word.

How to Navigate tHe office Holiday Partythe office holiday party is like Bizarro Superman. Bad means good, drunk means promotion. Until it doesn’t. Here’s how to manage.

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tHe 7 rUleS of Holiday travel Travel Tips

You’re Packing:You’re Wearing:1 | Fly early. Early flights don’t get delayed as often. Everyone’s too bleary-eyed to be an asshole. Yes, you should have already bought your ticket. Do not underestimate

the leisurely pleasures of the train .

BYO eggnog.

2 | See our list. Anything more than one carry-on and you’re regressing.

3 | Ask nicely. If your seat preference isn’t available when you book, ask at check-in. You’ll be surprised how often they can accommodate.

4 | Buy the express security option.Best ten bucks you’ll ever spend.

5 | Charge all the electric thingies. If you forget, we hear Hudson Booksellers is having a special on every Gladwell book ever.

6 | Lower your parenting standards.We come from the “anything to keep them quiet” school. DVDs. Infinity iPad games. Whatever. Just don’t let them cry it out.

7 | Get noise-canceling headphones. Because some parents don’t come from the “anything to keep them quiet” school. Happy holidays, everybody hates you.

1 Blazer Gant ($417)

1 Hat Alpha Industries ($14)

1 Scarf Alpha Industries ($14)

The Bag Ghurka ($1,600)

3 Tees Junk Food ($38)Goodlife ($65)

4 pairs underwear Frank & Oak ($14)

1 turtleneck Polo Ralph Lauren ($395)

4 pairs textured socks Wigwam ($13)

1 pair wool trousers Carson St. Clothiers ($255)

1 pair sweatpants Goodlife ($115)

1 small dopp Parker Safety Razor ($22)

(1 of) 2 button-downsJ. Crew ($98)

(1 of) 2 button-downsBanana Republic ($69.50)

1 pair jeansWilliamsburg Garment Co. ($147)

1 pair versatile boots Ben Sherman ($160)

1 overcoat Billy Reid ($725)

31 V-neck cashmere sweater

Uniqlo ($89)

Comfy for lounging, wear

with jeans to the bar.

Fact: you’ll spend

most of your time

in these.

Gray goes w/ everything + insane price.

It ain’t the holidays without it. *Wear at your own risk.

Make it smart, folks’ll see a lot of it.

For gettin’ churched up

One for game day, two plain for lounging

Your carry-on version.

Fill it at 3floz.com

1 sweatshirtTodd Snyder x Champion ($195)

tHe wiNter coat yoU SHoUld Be weariNgremember, gents: wherever you exchange introductions this holiday season – be it client meeting or your hometown bar – your first impression’s likely to be made with a coat on. So don’t skimp; cop something that’ll turn heads before you hit the coat-check.

Camel’s an unexpected color, and pops over tweedy cold weather suits.

Camel Wool Belted Trench $298Banana Republic

Jet black and razor slim, with a high, leather- trimmed collar impossible to ignore.

Bowery Coat $725Billy Reid

If you’re going casual, punch it up with some military flair and shearling swagger.

Shearling Collar Aviator Bomber$1295Burberry

For the Business Dandy For the Rock N’ Rolla For the Casual Rogue

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How to (SUcceSSfUlly) viSit tHe iN-lawS

the goods earns major brownie points every time.

5 ESTaBliSH drinking prowESS Early, THEn Back off

You want to let ‘em know you’re no Nancy, but avoid leaving with the assistance of others.

6 Hold a BaBy aT SomE poinT

Five minutes is all you need.

7 clEar, BuT don’T waSH, THE diSHES

You’re a courteous chap, but also know when it’s time to adjourn to the study for Scotch and cockfighting.

8 no nookiEOr at least keep it down.

1 know your fooTBall

At the very least, know your own team and your father-in-law’s team. And unless his team is playing yours, you’re rooting for his.

2 know wHaT ElSE HEr family likES

Poker? Cigars? Cockfighting? Learn yourself before you go.

3 Bring BoozE

Find out what the man of the house drinks and bring a bottle of that. Barring that, a bottle of respectable red.

4 makE friEndS wiTH THE cookS

A quick pop in to the kitchen to declare how good it smells and sample

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tHe ten-Minute amazoN Prime Buying guide

Vanity Fair 100 Years: From the Jazz Age to Our Age ($41.36)

Jabra REVO Wireless Bluetooth Headphones

($190.17)

Stanley Hammertone Green Classic Flask

($23.72)

SwingTIP Wireless Golf Swing Analyzer ($99)

The Beatles “Live at the BBC - The Collection” ($42.88)

And the most expensive item we could find that qualified

for Amazon Prime? This little fella

Baxter of California Shave 1.2.3 Kit ($70)

Fitbit Flex ($97.94)

Jack Spade Mill Leather Wallet ($95)

Cold Steel Axe Gang Hatchet ($31)

Forza Motorsport 5 for Xbox One ($60) Killzone: Shadow Fall for PS4 ($60)

littleBits Deluxe Kit ($199)

DOPP Kit Leather Travel Bar Set ($112)

Scotch & Soda Men’s Chunky Cardigan ($235)

$$$

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that’s right: you’re getting all yourshopping done right now.with free shipping. you’re welcome.

Wild Turkey Evan Williams White Label

Henry McKenna Monkey Shoulder

tHe 4 wHiSkeyS yoU SHoUld Be driNkiNg

“As an old guy he probably knows

Wild Turkey, but bet he’s never

seen their ultra small batch expres-

sion – and at 108 proof it’s a good

bang for the buck. Also [retails] for

under $40, so even if you don’t like

him you’re not dropping an arm

and a leg.”

$40 | Buy Online

“Henry McKenna, either the 80 or

the 100. Has a high rye content that

makes it super spicy – crazy cheap

and perfect for a holiday punch.”

$20 | Buy Online

“When they’re all sitting around

with their new micro-distilled

white dogs, drop a bottle of this on

the table. They’ve probably never

seen the bottled in bond stuf be-

fore, as it only became available

outside Kentucky August 1st.”

$17 | Buy Online

“It’s Scotch so of course you can

enjoy it neat, but the hints of

vanilla and caramel make it great

for cocktails that would typically

be made with bourbon or rye.”

$29 | Buy Online

the one to give your father-in-law

the one for makin’ Punch

the one to impress your liquor Snob friends

the one to Use across the Board

‘tis the season for a good stiff drink. Steve Yorsz, co-owner of Nyc whiskey den rochelle’s, shares his favorite brown booze for any holiday occasion.

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Sleep In Heavenly PeaceMen know very little about mattresses. Ironic, given how much time we spend sleeping in them, taking a tumble in them and falling asleep to CSI reruns in their warm embrace. Too hard, you’re on a diving board. Too soft, you’re in waterbed territory.

The hallowed middle ground: the TEMPUR-Choice™ Luxe, culled from supple TEMPUR® material that conforms to your body and equipped with adjustable comfort zones. You set your side for optimal comfort. She does the same. Everyone wins. Everyone sleeps.

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of ice, tumblers. Red wine. Seasonal napkins (cloth). Nuts. Sliced prosciutto.

Know how to make an Old-Fashioned. Know how to make a Manhattan. Know how to make a Tom Collins.

You can’t go wrong with flavored popcorn.

You can put guests to work. You can put drinks in their hand. But start with the latter.

Guests leave when the music tapers off. Or the music is Death Grips.

Do not flicker the lights.

The first rule of hosting is get married. It helps.

No Facebook invites. E-mail.

Saturday at 5 PM, or Saturday at 9 PM. Friday is for masochists and 25-year-olds.

When they ring the bell, bring the men booze and the women babies. They have similar effects on the people holding them.

Children need a rumpus room.

On the bar: Pre-made punch. Large bowl. Homemade egg-nog. Whiskey, Scotch, bucket

How to HoSt a Holiday Party

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Stream through Spotify here

Holiday Music tHat’S actUally Not S%!##y

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How to eat everytHiNg oN yoUr Platea gentleman’s pie chart

Mashed Potatoes

Stuffing

Yams

Green Bean Casserole

Creamed Spinach

Cranberries

Corn, Peas, Carrots

Turkey

Filling up on starches is a rookie

mistake. Skip the rolls and save your

carb-intake for the good stuff: mashed

potatoes, stuffing and yams. And pie.

Mmm. Pie.

Quar ter plate , minimum .

Because carnivores.The centerpiece of tomorrow’s sandwich . Ration accordingly .

Being a Good In -Law 101:

Take some of ever y thing .

Thank whoever made it .

Who we kidding? You’re not skipping the roll .

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25%

16%17%

8%

7%

7%

7%

13%

How to Stream a Holiday movie

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SCRooGED

DiE HARD

ELF

A CHRiSTMAS SToRY

GREMLiNS

MiRACLE oN 34TH STREET

rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99SuBScripTion

rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99

rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99 rEnTal $2.99

rEnTal $2.99rEnTal $2.99rEnTal $2.99rEnTal $2.99

STrEam pix SuBScripTion

purcHaSE $2.99

the only place you can get gremlins is Xfinity? Bah humbug.

How to make tHe BeSt damN leftoverS SaNdwicHwrap in tinfoil and bake at 350 ° f for 10 minutes.dunk in warm gravy.

Mashed Potatoes

Cranberries

Stuffing

BaguetteSpread green bean casserole

on baguette slice

You’ll need a hearty bread to hold all this goodness

Mix your cranberries with mayo

and spread on baguette

Baguette

Turkey

Turkey

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How to aBaNdoN yoUr family for tHe HolidaySSo you won’t be going home for the holidays. No need to explain – we’re sure you’ve got your reasons. Now you and the old lady have nothing on the schedule and the world at your fingertips for the next week and change. Where to, boss?

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YES, I DO

I DO nOT

I’M A BETTER PARTY GUEST

I DO nOT

WHY YES I DO

ALWAYSLOVE IT

nOPE

...

YOU GUYS SKI?

DO YOU HAVE FRIEnDS?

UP TO PLAYInG HOST?

nETFLIX IT IS! SEE P. 12

SEE P. 9

SEE P. 7

THEn MAY WE SUGGEST YOU

BRInG THEM OnE OF THESE LIqUORS?

THE SEBASTIAn.

VAIL’S FInEST.

MAY WE SUGGEST THE TROPICS? LITTLE PALM

ISLAnD.

WOnDERFUL! WE MADE A

HOSTInG GUIDE FOR YOU.

DO YOU HAVE A LADY?

AS In DOWnHILL?

Ed. Note: No one under 16

allowed on the island. Enjoy.

Be Merry, fellas.And don’t forget to unwrap

our gift guide.

InsideHook: for adventurous and successful men.

Copyright © 2013 by Escapist Media, Inc. D/B/A InsideHook. All Rights Reserved. This book may be reproduced freely provided

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