This is Principal Hen, Ebony, reporting from the Hen Evacuation Centre on the back veranda of the Donga, 28 Thompson Street, Park Avenue in Rockhampton, at present the site of devastating flooding.

From my vantage point, perched here on the door of the evacuation Centre I have been able to observe the full extent of this disastrous flood. In this photo taken several days ago, our Henpen had entirely disappeared beneath metres of brown, scummy, stinking water.

Judge for yourselves just how horrible this flood has been.

20 December, just as the flood started, and our lovely henpen is still in its pristine state.

16 January, just mud and stench, and the only green that remains is the slime on the water.

At this point I’d like to introduce Deputy Principal Hen, Goneril.

Deputy Principal, what is your view of the document some of our viewers may have read, Bert’s Flood Journal?

Utterly ridiculous, Principal Hen, utterly ridiculous!!! A more misleading piece of self-indulgent, self-centred and self-aggrandising deceitfulness, it is impossible to imagine. Here is a photo of that very same Albert Skink indulging his love of filth in the slimy mud now coating the ground in our henpen. And he calls that beautiful!

Sadly, he has not been the only intruder in our home. Ridiculous though it may be, fish have been spotted invading our living space.

That noisy, screechy Pee Wee, whose proper place is in the Front Garden, has been thieving the grubs that live on our fence.

Then there was this strange bird we’ve never seen before, like a Kookaburra, but more coloured and without the crazy raucous laugh.

The final insult was to have DUCKS swimming past, swanning it so to speak, right beside and who knows, maybe even inside our precious henpen. The sheer effrontery of them, with their misshapen beaks, no comb on their heads, their stupid webbed feet always stepping in their own slimy, green droppings, and their eggs – huge white monstrosities that taste awful and take forever to cook.

Goodness knows what the Great Layer was thinking when She created them.

Indeed, Goneril, it has been a nightmarish inundation!

So it has, Principal Hen, so it has. And all that that lying Eggstealer Mike could do was put us in this concentration camp and take his arty-farty photos of the disaster. Let me show you some of his photographic mendacity.

How’s that for hiding the truth about the drowning of our henpen?

And this , would you believe, is his version of the drowned garden!

Whereas this is, in fact, the sad reality: one doomed Morning Glory flower.

Goneril, you have always been a loyal Deputy, so I shall not hide from you some most unsettling news. Not only will we have to face the horrors of the reconstruction period but the Eggstealers are plotting to bring in foreign layers. Here is the first documentary evidence we have. Life is indeed very tough when you’re a Chook.