UnofficialRecipesfromDoctorWho,GameofThrones,HarryPotter,andmoreReal-LifeRecipesforYourFavoriteFantasy

Foods

CassandraReeder,theGeekyChef

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

BEVERAGES:NON-ALCOHOLIC

BEVERAGES:ALCOHOLIC

SNACKSANDAPPETIZERS

SOUPSANDSTEWS

ENTRÉES

CAKESANDCUPCAKES

DESSERTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

INDEX

INTRODUCTION

Soyou’reageek,anerd,aneo-maxi-zoom-dweebie.Or,youknow,maybeyoudon’tlikelabelsandyou’rejustreallyintosci-fi.That’scool.I’mjustguessinghere,butyouprobablyalsoliketoeat.Great!Thenthisbookisforyou.

Generally,thekindofpeoplewhoacquirethelabelslistedabove,inadditiontobeingwickedsmartandperhapsexperiencingacertainamountofsocialdiscomfort,tendtohaveapassionforapieceofworkthatconsumesthem.Myblog,TheGeekyChef,wasthelovechildofthatintensenerdpassionandmyfondnessforcooking.

Really,Ihavealwayshadafascinationwithfoodinfiction.WhenIwassixyearsold,IenlistedmybigbrothertohelpmemakeTreeStarcookiesafterwatchingDonBluth’sTheLandBeforeTime.IalsomadeUnicornHairSoupafterreadingthewonderfulYAnovelEllaEnchantedwhenIwasslightlyolder.Icouldreallygoonandonwiththeseexamples,butthetippingpointthatinspiredTheGeekyChefactuallystartedwithaZeldagame.

ItwasadarkandstormywinternightinSanFrancisco.No,really!I’mnotmakingthatupforatmosphere.Theyearwas2008.Mythen-boyfriend(nowfiancé,andsoon-to-behusband)andIwereplayingTheLegendofZelda:TwilightPrincess.Incaseyouwerewondering,weareabletoplaysingle-playergamestogetherbecausewehavedevelopedasystemwhereIdothepuzzlesandhefightsthebosses,whichisnotunlikehowwehandlemostobstaclesinreallife.

ThelevelwewereonwascalledtheSnowpeakRuins,whichisbasicallythisgiantabandonedmansionoccupiedbytwoyetis.Tocompletethispartofthegame,Linkmustcollectingredientstomakeasouptohealthefemaleyeti.Theingredientsareafish,apumpkin,andgoatcheese.Whenyousuccessfullylocate

ingredientsareafish,apumpkin,andgoatcheese.Whenyousuccessfullylocatealloftheseitemsandaddthemtothesoup,yougetaconsumablecalledSuperbSoup.Atthatpointintime,myfiancéandIhadbeenlivingalmostexclusivelyonramenandcereal,somaybeitwasmalnourishmentspeaking,butthatsoupsoundedsogoodtome.IdecidedasaspecialtreatthatIwasgoingtomakeYeto’sSuperbSoupforThanksgiving.

SoIhituptheoldsearchengineslookingforarecipe,fullyexpectingsomeonetohavethoughtofthisalready.Thegamewasacoupleofyearsoldatthatpoint,but,alas,tomysurpriseanddisappointment,therewasnothing.Atthattime,theInternetwasn’tquitewhatitisnow,andthoughthereweresomesiteswithfiction-inspiredrecipes,theyweremostlydedicatedtosomethingspecific:primarilyHarryPotterandTheLordoftheRings.SoIdecidedthata)IwasgoingtoscratchmyownitchandmakethewebsiteIwaslookingfor,andb)IwastotallygoingtomakemyownrecipeforYeto’sSuperbSoup.Intheend,thisworkedoutprettywellforme.

Nowmyhumblelittlebloghasitsowncookbook.Thisstillsortablowsmymind,andIhaveyouguystothankforit.Thankyoutoeveryonewhobuysthisbook,andthankyoutoeverynerdwhostumbledonmyblogwhilesearchingforaLembasBreadrecipe,andthankyouforeverysuggestionthathelpedmediscovernewgeekythingstolove.Allofyoumadeoneofmybiggestdreamscometrue.

AsalittlegirlIalwaysexpectedthatonedayadventurewouldhappentome—somedayatornadowouldwhiskmeawaytoOz,orI’dfalldownarabbithole,orDavidBowiewouldkidnapmeandtakemetohislabyrinthwherehe’dsingmesongsandfeedmemagicpeaches.(IstillsortawishDavidBowiewouldkidnapme,butthat’sbesidethepoint.)AsIgetolder,Irealizeyouhavetomakeadventurehappenforyourself.Ihopethiscookbookhelpsyou,dearreader,tomakesometastyadventuresforyourself—andmaybethrowsomereallyawesomeLARPparties.

Andifyouhappentobethearchitectbehindanyoftheworksthatinspiredtheserecipes:Hi,Iloveyou,pleasedon’tsueme!Iamafan,andmygoalhereistohelpotherfansenjoyyourworkevenmorebygivingthematasteofyourimagination.Iratherhopethatthisbookwillhelppeopletodiscovernewgeekythingstolove,aswritingthisbookhasdoneforme.Ifyou’reDavidBowie,callthepublisherformyaddress…

ANOTEONCOOKINGANDINGREDIENTS

Cookingislikeanadventure:there’sanendgoalinmindbutitisthejourneythatmakestheendmeaningful.You’llnoticethatIleavealotofroomfor

thatmakestheendmeaningful.You’llnoticethatIleavealotofroomforchoicesandthatsomeoftheingredientshaverangedamounts.ThisisbecauseIwanttoencourageyoutofollowyourowninstinctswhencooking.IfyouthinkyouneedfewerpeopleinyourSoylentGreenorjustabitmorepainandregretinyourPanGalacticGargleBlaster,tryit!Makesubstitutions,addtheingredientsyouwishwerethere,includemoreofthisandlessofthat.Cookingisrarelyaprecisescience,andit’saddingyourindividualtouchthatmakesthefoodgood.

IguesswhatI’msayingisplaywithyourfood!Experimentationishowyoulearnandgrow.Whenindoubt,Googleit!

Duetothenatureofthisbook,someoftheingredientsarealittle“outthere,”aswe’redealingintherealmsofsciencefictionandfantasy.I’vetriedtolimitrareingredientsandsuppliesneededasmuchaspossible.Withafewexceptions,mostoftheingredientsandsuppliescanbefoundatanygenericgrocerystoreorliquorstore.Thosethatcan’t,canbefoundthroughonlinevendors.

BEVERAGES:Non-Alcoholic

StarWars:BLUEMILKDragonridersofPern:KLAH

VariousVideoGames:REDPOTIONHarryPotter:BUTTERBEER

TheLegendofZelda:LONLONMILKFuturama:SLURM

Vampires(ingeneral):BLOOD

INSPIREDBYSTARWARS

BLUEMILK

Alright,youscruffy-lookingnerfherders,thisisthemostwell-knownfoodintheStarWarsuniverse,which,bytheway,hasamarkedlackofcanonicalfood.ButIcouldn’tmakeageekycookbookwithoutincludingsomethingfromStarWars…thatwouldjustbewrong.OtherwiseknownasBanthaMilkorTatooineMilk,thisisthemysteriousbeveragethatLukeSkywalkerandhisauntanduncleareseendrinkingatbreakfast,rightbeforeLuke’sadventuresbegininStarWarsEpisodeIV:ANewHope.ThedrinkhasappearedincountlessStarWarsgames,books,andmoviessince.FormoreStarWars-inspiredrecipes,including“WookieCookies,”checkouttheofficialcookbook.

Iknowthisrecipesoundsabitstrange,buthaveyouseenaBantha?Theylooklikeacrossbetweenamammoth,aram,andagarbagetruck.I’veseenalotofStarWarsfanstryingtogettheirLukeSkywalkeronjustbyaddingbluefoodcoloringtotheirmilk.That’sgreat,butIwantedtotakeitonestepfurtherandmakethisbeveragetastelikeitcouldactuallybemilkfromabizarrecreaturelivinginagalaxyfar,faraway.So,thegoatmilkgivesitasortofunusualnot-the-cow-milk-we-all-know-and-lovequality,andtheavocadoaddssomeadditionalproteinandthickness.Theotheringredientsmakeitpalatable—morethanpalatable.Ithinkittastesquitenice.Ofcourse,othermilkscanbesubstitutedifyou’revegan/allergic/grossedoutbygoats.

SERVES1

1cup(235ml)goat’smilk(othermilkscanbesubstituted)2tablespoonsavocado2tablespoonsblueberrysyrup1scoopvanillaicecream4–5dropsbluefooddye

1UsetheForcetoblendallingredientstogether.Orablender.

2Pourintoyourcupofchoice.

3Enjoy!

INSPIREDBYDRAGONRIDERSOFPERN

KLAH

DragonridersofPernisaseriesofscience-fictionnovelswrittenbyAnneMcCaffreyandoccasionallyherson,ToddMcCaffrey.Pernistheplanetonwhichtheseriestakesplace.Periodically,theplanetisthreatenedbyThreadfall,whichiscausedbyanotherrogueplanetinthesolarsystempassingcloseenoughtoPerntoraindowndestructivesporesontheplanet.TheonlycreaturesthatcandestroytheThreadaregeneticallyengineeredsentientdragonsthathavetheabilitytoteleportthroughtimeandspace.Thesedragonscomeinvarioussizesandcolorsandallformapsychicbondwithhumanridersfrombirth.Ifyou’reintodragonsandwanttoseeadifferenttakeonthemythicalcreatures,Ihighlyrecommendthesebooks.Ifyou’renotintodragons,whatthehelliswrongwithyou?Dragonsaremagnificent!

So,Klahisahot,invigorating,andspicydrinkmadefromtreebarkandisenjoyedbyallofthePernese.Ithasapungent,spicytastewithnotesofchocolateandcinnamon.Itcanbetakenwithsomemilkorcream,orevenliquor.IntheworldofPern,peopleareasaddictedtoKlahaswearetocoffee.Theyseemtodrinkitatalmosteverymealandoccasion.Honestly,I’msurprisedtheydon’thaveaStarbucksequivalentforKlahlattesandKlahfrappuccinos…pumpkinspiceKlah,decaficedKlah,non-fatKlahlattewithtwopumpsofcaramel,nowhip…Okay,I’mdone.

SERVES1

1cup(235ml)brewedcoffee(instantormadeusingamachine)1ounce(28g)bittersweetdarkchocolatePinchcayennepowderPinchallspice1cinnamonstick

Pinchallspice1cinnamonstickSplashofcreamand/orliquortoserve(optional)

1Whilethecoffeeisbrewing,blastthedarkchocolateintheservingcupinthemicrowaveonhighfor60seconds.

2Addthecayenneandallspicetothemeltedchocolateinthecup.

3Pourthehotcoffeeontothemeltedchocolateandspicesinthecup.

4Stireverythingtogetherwiththecinnamonstick.

5Enjoyplainorwithasplashofcreamand/orliquor!

INSPIREDBYVARIOUSVIDEOGAMES

REDPOTION

Theredpotion,“healthpotion,”or“healingpotion”isastapleinvideogames,especiallyRPGs.Ithasappearedinsuchvideo-gamegiantsasTheLegendofZelda,WorldofWarcraft,Diablo,Minecraft,andUltima.Generally,thered-coloredpotionrestoresthedepletedhealthofthecharacterthatconsumesit.

IconsideredmakingthepotionalcoholicbutitseemedtomethatitwouldnotbeusefulforLinkoranyothercharactertogetsloppyinthemiddleoffightingevilandsavingtheworld.Thetasteandconsistencyoftheredpotionisunknownasitisrarely,ifever,discussedinanygame.Allthatweknowforsureisthatitisgenerallybothredandhealthy.Thisrecipeusesamultitudeofdifferentfruitsknownfortheirrichvitamincontentandantioxidantproperties,aswellasalittlebitofginger—whichisknowntoeasemusclepainandactsasananti-inflammatory—tocreateaconcoctionthatisveryredandwillcertainlyfillupyourlifebar.

SERVES2–3

1cup(235ml)cranberryapplejuice1/2cup(55g)frozensweetdarkcherries1/4cup(60g)frozenraspberries1/4cup(40g)cubedwatermelon

Handfuloffrozenmangochunks1teaspoonfreshginger,mincedRedfooddye(optional,toenhancecolor)

1Putalltheingredientsintoablenderandblenduntilsmooth.

2Pourintoapotionbottleandenjoy!

INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTERANDTUDORTIMES

BUTTERBEER

HarryPotterisalmostuniversallyadored.ThereleaseofTheSorcerer’sStonein1997beganareadingrevolutionamongyoungpeople,thoughHarryPotter’scharmseemstoaffecthumansofallages.HarryPotterchangedeverything,notonlyinliteraturebutalsointhemindsofageneration.

Unsurprisingly,theHarryPotterserieshasinspiredanunfathomableamountoffancreations,whichincludesamultitudeoftastywizardtreatsbasedonwhatthecharacterseatinthebooks.ThereisnowanofficialversionofthispopularHarryPotterdrinksoldatUniversalStudiosinFlorida.ItwascarefullycraftedtoJ.K.Rowling’sspecificationsandI’msureit’s,well,magical.Ihopetotryitmyselfoneday!However,forthoseofuswhoareunabletomakeittoFloridaanytimesoon,it’dbenicetowhipupsomeButterBeerrightathome.ItisalittleknownfactthatButterBeerwasactuallyathingbeforeRowlingeverwrote

HarryPotter,orreallybeforeshewasevenborn.TherewasaTudorbeverageknownasButteredBeere,whichmadeitsfirstknownappearanceinwritinginTheGoodHuswifesHandmaidefortheKitchin,publishedin1594.ThisrecipecombineselementsofthisancientTudordrink,aswellasRowling’sbutterscotch-ydescription.Anditcanbeservedhotorcold!

SERVES2

24ouncesor3cups(681ml)non-alcoholicbeer(regularbeerisgreat,too)2cinnamonsticks10wholecloves10wholeallspice1tablespoonimitationbutter1tablespoonmeltedbutter(optional,forhotversiononly)1tablespoonvanillaextract1/2cup(75g)brownsugarEvaporatedmilk,totaste(optional)Sodawater,totaste(optional,forcoldversiononly)Whippedcream,toserve(optional)

1Pourthebeerintoasaucepanandaddthecinnamonsticks,cloves,andallspice.Bringtoaboilandsimmerfor15–20minutes.

2Removethespicesanddiscardtheallspiceandcloves,butkeepthecinnamonsticksforservingifmakingthehotversion.

3Addthebutterflavoring,meltedbutter(hotversiononly),vanillaextract,andsugar,andstirintothehotbeer.

4Pourintoservingglassesandstirintheevaporatedmilk(ifusing)toyourtastepreferences.

5Ifyou’reservingtheButterBeerchilled,refrigeratetheliquiduntilcoldandthenpourintoaservingcup.Youmayneedtoshakeitupbeforepouringifyouaddevaporatedmilk.Addyourdesiredamountofsodawatertoyourservingcupandstir.

6Topwithwhippedcream,ifyoulike,andforthehotversion,servewiththecinnamonsticks!

INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA

LONLONMILK

Zeldaisalong-runningNintendoseriescreatedbyShigeruMiyamoto.Thefirst3-DZeldagame,OcarinaofTime(whereLonLonMilkmadeitsfirstappearance),iswidelyconsideredtobethebestgameofalltime.TheZeldarecipesI’vemadeformybloghavebeensomeofmyfavoritecreations,andtheyalsoseemtobethemostpopular.Still,wheneverImentionpossiblymakingarecipeforLonLonMilk,someonealwayssays,“Isn’titjustmilk?”Boo!Bootothat.Hyruleisamagicallandwhereocarinashavemagicalpowersand,youknow,therearefairiesandsentienttreesandstuff.Dideveryoneforgetthatthecowswillhaveaconversationwithyouifyouplaythemasong?When’sthelasttimeyouhadadiscussionwithadairycow?Idon’tthinkthemilkinHyrulewouldbe“justmilk.”

LonLonMilkisknownamongHyliansforbeingverynutritious.WhenLinkdrinksit,itrestoresfivehearts.So,Ikeptthisonesimpleandhealthy,butextremelytasty.There’sanapple(orapplesauce)toaddamultitudeofvitamins,frozenyogurtforaproteinboost(whichhelpsrestoremuscletissue),andsomesweetcarameltokeepyourspiritsup.Ittasteslikeliquidcaramelappleandwilllegitimatelyboostyourimmunesystem.

SERVES2

1cup(235ml)milk

1greenapple,coredandroughlychopped,or1/2cup(122g)applesauce2–3scoopsvanillafrozenyogurt2tablespoonscaramelsauce

1Blendalltheingredientstogetherinablenderuntilsmooth.

2Pourintoaglassbottleorotherservingcup.

3Drinkhalfofitinonegulp,wipeyourmouth,andletoutasatisfiedsigh.

INSPIREDBYFUTURAMA

SLURM

FuturamaisananimatedadultcomedyTVshowcreatedbyMattGroeningofTheSimpsonsfame.Asthetitlesuggests,theseriestakesplaceinthefuture.Themaincharacter,PhilipJ.Fry,isapresent-daypizzadeliveryguywhobecomescryogenicallyfrozen(byaccident)andawakensinthethirty-firstcentury.Thoughtheseriesisprimarilyacomedyandcanbeabsurd,ithasastrongscience-fictionfoundationandmanygeekyreferences.InadditiontoappearinginFuturama’sopeningcredits,Slurmisfeaturedprominentlyintheepisodes“FryandtheSlurmFactory”and“TheBotsandtheBees.”

In“FryandtheSlurmFactory”itbecomesclearthatSlurmisawildlypopularandaddictivesoftdrink.Thedrink’sactualsloganis:“It’shighlyaddictive!”ThebeverageiscreatedontheplanetWormulan,wheretheFuturamacrewdiscoverthattheprimaryingredientis,well,reallygross.However,Fryissoaddictedthatheelectsnottorevealthebeverage’sdisgustingoriginstotheworldinfearthatSlurmwillnolongerbemanufactured.In“TheBotsandtheBees,”FrydrinkssomuchofthenewestSlurmdrink,“SlurmLoco,”thathebecomesradioactive.

ItisnotspecificallystatedwhatSlurmtasteslike,soImademyowndeliciousSlurmoozebycombiningfrozenlimeadewithmintjellyandaddingsodawaterforcarbonation.

SERVES1

4tablespoonsmintjelly3tablespoonslimeade,frozen1cup(235ml)sodawaterGreenfooddye(optional)Icecubes,toserve

1Blendtogetherthemintjellyandfrozenlimeadeinablender.

2Pourthenewlymadegreensludgeintotheservingcup.

3Addthesodawaterandstiruntileverythingisevenlyincorporated.Ifthedrinkistoostrongforyourliking,addmoresodawaterandstiragain.

4Enjoyoverice!

INSPIREDBYVAMPIRES(INGENERAL)

BLOOD

Iwouldguessthatmanyofushaveafavoriteinthevampiregenre,whetherit’sDracula,Nosferatu,TheVampireChronicles,BuffytheVampireSlayer,TrueBlood,ordareImentionthe“T”word?Vampiresaresopresentinourfantasiesthatevenstoriesthatarenotspecificallyaboutvampireshavevampirecharacters.Whetherthevampiresyousubscribetoareviciouskillers,torturedsouls,infectedmutants,or,youknow,sparklyteenagers,theyallhaveonethingincommon:theydrinkbloodtosurvive.

Mostofushave,atonepointoranother,tastedourownblood.Bloodsortoftasteslikealiquidsaltypenny—it’snotgreat.Vampires,however,seemtoexperiencethetasteofbloodinanentirelydifferentwaytousmortals.Myrecipelooksanawfullotliketherealthingbuttastesmuchbettertothehumanpalate.Thisrecipecanbecombinedwithanenergydrink(IsuggestRedBull)foranenergizingeffect,oralcohol(vodkaworks)foranintoxicatingeffect,dependingonwhatyou’reinto.Happy,er,blooddrinking!

SERVES1

1/4cup(60ml)coconutwater2tablespoonschocolatesyrup1/2cup(125g)cherrypiefilling2teaspoonsvanillaextractRedfooddye(howevermuchittakes)1dropyellowfooddyePinchofseasalt(optional)

1Blendalltheingredientstogetherinablenderuntilsmooth.

2Pourintotheservingcup.Thiscanbeheatedinamicrowaveorservedatroomtemperature.

BEVERAGES:Alcoholic

AClockworkOrange:MOLOKOPLUSASongofIceandFire:HOTSPICEDWINE

Dune:SPICEBEERBattlestarGalactica:AMBROSIA

TheDarkTower:GRAFMassEffect2:SERRICEICEBRANDY

TheLegendofZelda:CHATEAUROMANIFirefly:MUDDER’SMILK

TheHitchhiker’sGuidetotheGalaxy:PANGALACTICGARGLEBLASTERTheLordoftheRings:MIRUVOR

StarTrek:ROMULANALEMiscellaneousGeek:MEAD

MonkeyIslandandOtherSwashbucklingTales:GROG

INSPIREDBYACLOCKWORKORANGE

MOLOKOPLUS

MostrecognizeAClockworkOrangeasthehighlydisturbingfilmdirectedbyStanleyKubrick,butitwasactuallyabookfirst.Kubricktendedtotakeabook’sconceptandturnitintosomethingelseentirely(TheShining),whichwaspartofhisgenius,buthedidn’talwaysmakefriendswiththeesteemedauthorswhoseworkheadapted.ThefilmversionofAClockworkOrangewasnowherenearasdivergentassomeofKubrick’sotheradaptations(TheShining),butithadadifferenttonetothebook.TheoriginalnovellabyAnthonyBurgessonwhichthefilmwasbasedisviolent,anditdefinitelyhasapointtomakeaboutthenatureofmorality(perhapsnotthesamepointasthefilm),butitisfirstandforemostadystopianscience-fictionstory.

Inboththebookandthefilm,MolokoPlusisservedattheKorovaMilkbar.TheweirdsortofEnglishslang/RussianthatthecharactersallspeakiscalledNadsat,and“Moloko”istheNadsatwordformilk.Moloko-Plusmeansmilkplussomethingelse;inthebookandthemovie,“somethingelse”isvariousdrugs.Inthisrecipe,thesomethingelseisorange-vanillavodka,combinedwithacoupleofotheringredientstorounditout.ThevodkaisatributetotheRussianinfluenceandtheorangeis,well,obvious.

IttasteslikealiquifiedCreamsicleandwillcertainlysharpenyouandyourdroogiesupforsomeultraviolence…which,hopefully,inthiscaseisagameofDungeons&Dragons.Oraknittingcircle.

SERVES1

3/4cup(175ml)wholemilk2tablespoonsorangevanillavodka1tablespoonIrishcream1dashoforangeextract

1Pourthemilkintoaservingglassandaddtheorangevanillavodka,Irishcream,andorangeextract.

2Stirandserve.

INSPIREDBYASONGOFICEANDFIRE

HOTSPICEDWINE

ThislittlegemisperhapsthemostfrequentlymentionedbeverageintheASongofIceandFireseries,asidefrom,youknow,regularwine.MulledWineis

belovedbyJeorMormont,LordCommanderoftheNight’sWatch,wholikeshisextraspicywithdriedberriesandnuts,butwithoutlemon.Heconsidersaddinglemon“southronheresy.”MulledWineseemstobepopularamongthebrothersoftheNight’sWatchingeneral,presumablybecauseithelpsfighttheextremecoldofTheWall.

MulledWineisarealthing,ofcourse.ThereisanancientGermanversioncalledGlühweinandaNordicversioncalledGlögg,buttheconceptisthesame:wineheatedwithspicesand(mostlycitrus)fruits.Whetheryou’reabrotheroftheNight’sWatchoryoujustneedsomethingtowarmyouupduringacoldwinternight,thisistheperfectsolution.Brewingthisrichanddelicioushotbeveragemakesyourwholehousesmellamazinganddrinkingitisliketakingawarmbathwithscentedcandles…butinyourmouth.

SERVES8–10

2oranges2bottlesdryredwine1vanillapod,slicedlengthwise2–3piecesstemginger(gingerpreserves)4cinnamonsticks1/4cup(40g)wholewalnuts1/4cup(34g)raisins10clovesNutmeg,totasteAllspice,totaste3/4cup(180ml)honey,ortotaste5blackpeppercorns1staranise

1Removethezestfromtheorangesinstrips,usingaknifeorvegetablepeeler,andsetaside.Juicetheorangesintoadutchovenorthick-bottomedpot.

2Pourtheredwineintothepotwiththeorangejuice.

3Addtheorangezest,vanillapod,ginger,cinnamonsticks,walnuts,raisins,cloves,nutmeg,allspice,honey,peppercorns,andstaraniseintothepotwiththewine.Youcanalsoaddabitofthegingersyrupfromthestemginger,ifdesired.

4Stirforaboutaminutetomakesureeverythingiscomingtogether.

5Coverthepotandheatovermediumheatuntilliquidishot.Donotboil.

6Reducetheheattolowandheatfor60–90minutes,oruntilflavorsarestrongenoughforyourtastes.

7Oncethewinemixtureisdone,pouritintomugsusingastrainertomakesurenospicepiecesmakeitintotheservingcups.Canbeservedwith

surenospicepiecesmakeitintotheservingcups.Canbeservedwithcinnamonsticks.Hodor!

INSPIREDBYDUNE

SPICEBEER

Dune,thefirstbookintheseriesofthesamenamebyFrankHerbert,whichbeganin1965,isthebest-sellingscience-fictionnovelofalltime.Consideredtobethemostcomplexscience-fictionserieseverwritten,ithasbeencalledthesci-fiequivalenttoTheLordoftheRings.

ThemainplotlinerevolvesaroundanarcoticcalledSpiceMelange,thoughttobethemostimportantsubstanceintheUniverse.Notlikeanyolddrug,SpiceMelangegrantsitsusersalongerlifespan,heightenedawareness,and,occasionally,clairvoyance.Thesubstanceonlyexistsononeplanetintheknownuniverse,Arrakis,whichisalsoknownasDune.Thisisahostiledesertplanetinhabitedbygiantworms,andintheseries,havingcontrolofthisplanetistantamounttohavingcontroloftheUniverse.

SpiceMelangeissupposedtotasteabitlikecinnamonandisoftenusedinfoodanddrink,includingSpiceBeer!Inthefirstbook,SpiceBeeristheweaknessofDuncanIdaho,amuch-belovedcharacterintheseries,whodescribesitasthe“bes’damnstuffevertas’ed.”Thisrecipecombinesyourfavoritelightbeerwithdeliciouscinnamon-spicesyrupandashotofGoldschlägerforgoodmeasure.You’llhaveblueeyesinnotime.THESPICEMUSTFLOW.

SERVES1–2

1cup(235ml)water4cinnamonsticks5wholeallspice4tablespoonslightbrownsugar1/4cup(60ml)Goldschläger5–9fluidounces(150–255ml)lightbeer,chilled

1Pourthewaterintoasaucepanandaddthecinnamonsticksandallspice.Bringtheliquidtotheboil.

2Oncetheliquidisboiling,lowertheheatandsimmerfor10–15minutes.Thewatershouldturnalightbrown.

3Addthebrownsugar,bringbackuptoaboil,andcookforabout5minutes,

3Addthebrownsugar,bringbackuptoaboil,andcookforabout5minutes,untilsomeoftheliquidhasevaporatedandthemixturehasbecomesyrupy.

4Transferthesyrupintoaheatproofcontainerandrefrigerateuntilcold,about1hour.

5Whenthesyruphaschilled,strainoutthecinnamonsticksandallspiceandpourtheliquidintoservingcup(s).

6PourtheGoldschlägerintotheservingcup(s)andstir.Add5ounces(150ml)ofthebeerintothecup(s)atfirst,stir,andthentaste.Addmorelightbeer,ifyouwish,tosuityourownpreferences.Enjoy!

INSPIREDBYBATTLESTARGALACTICA

AMBROSIA

Wegeekstendtobepurists,butIthinkit’ssafetosaythatthisisoneofthose

Wegeekstendtobepurists,butIthinkit’ssafetosaythatthisisoneofthoserareinstanceswhenaremakeabsolutelyimprovedupontheoriginal.Inthenewversionofthisclassicscience-fictionseries,theCylons,araceofandroidsthatwe(humans)createdtobeourslavesandwhofinallyleftusaloneafteryearsofwarandrebellion,comebackanddestroy99percentofallhumanity.WhenhumanshadlastseentheCylonstheylookedlikescaryrobots,butwhentheyreturntheyareindistinguishablefromhumans.Theycouldbeanyone.Theremadeseriesispowerful,moving,andfullofconflictingfeelings,moraldilemmas,anddynamiccharacters.

Theseriesisloadedwithheavyancient-Greekthemes,whichmaybewhythemostpopularalcoholicbeverageiscalledAmbrosia.InGreekmythology,Ambrosiawasthenameofthefoodornectarofthegods.InBSG,Ambrosiaseemstobeaverybrightgreenversionofwine.Someassumeitisabsinthebecauseofthegreencolor,butitisusedmuchmorelikewineorchampagne.However,thedrinkdoesseemtobemorepotentthaneitherthewineorchampagneofEarth.

Thisrecipecombinessparklingwinewithpearvodkaandelderflowerliqueurtocreateanectar-likewinethatispotentbuteasytodrink.Humanortoaster,Ithinkyou’llhaveafrackinggoodtimedrinkingthis.Sosayweall!

SERVES1

2dropsgreenfooddye2tablespoonspearvodka2tablespoonselderflowerliqueur3/4cup(175ml)sparklingwine,chilled

1Combinethegreendye,pearvodka,andelderflowerliqueurintotheservingcup.

2Topoffwithsparklingwine.Cheers!

INSPIREDBYTHEDARKTOWER

GRAF

StephenKingisoftenacknowledgedasamasterofhorrorwithclassicslikeCarrieandTheShining,butsomemaynotrealizethathealsocreatedanepicfantasyseries.ReadingTheDarkTowermaymakeyouquestionthenatureoftheuniverse,changethewayyoutalk,andpossiblymakeyouwishyoulivedinMaine.Oneofthemanymind-blowingthingsabouttheseriesisthatittiestogethereverythingStephenKinghaseverwritten.So,ifyoudon’tthinkTheStandhasanythingtodowithSalem’sLot,you’rewrongandyou’veforgottenthefaceofyourfather.

GrafissomethingpeopledrinkinIn-WorldandMid-World.Itissimilartoahardciderorapplebeer.It’ssupposedtobeveryrefreshingandisconsumedingreatquantitiesnearreapingtime.IknowalotofTowerjunkieshavebrewedtheirveryownapproximationofthedrink,butIwantedtomakemoreofacocktailversion,sonoonehastobreakouttheyeastandbecomeabrewmastertoenjoysomeGrafonthislevelofthetower.DrinksomeofthistowashdownthatGunslingerBurritoordeliciousTooterFishPopkin!You’llbepleasedwiththeresult—I’llsetmywatchandwarrantonit.

SERVES2–4

2cups(475ml)applejuice2cinnamonsticks2tablespoonshoney

21/2cups(570ml)alcoholicgingerbeer2–3shotsofwhiskey

1Inasaucepan,combinetheapplejuice,cinnamonsticks,andhoneyandbringtoaboiloveramedium-highheat,stirringoccasionally.

2Reducetheheattomedium-lowandsimmer,covered,forabout20minutes.

3Removetheapple-juicemixturefromtheheat,pourintoajug,andcoolbriefly,thentransfertotherefrigeratoruntilchilled.

4Whenthejuicemixtureiscold,addthegingerbeerandwhiskey.Enjoy!

INSPIREDBYMASSEFFECT2

SERRICEICEBRANDY

Notonlyisthisgamebackedupbyasolidscience-fictionuniverse,BioWare’sMassEffectserieshaspushedtheenvelopeofstorytellinginvideogames.InMassEffect2,youresumeyourroleasShepard,whoisnowawarherobecauseoftheeventsofthefirstgame,andyouaregivencommandofthestarshipNormandySR-2,arebuiltandimprovedversionoftheSSVNormandy.Thecatchisthatyouarealsonowworkingfortheenemy.AsShepard,youhavetomakemanyhardchoices—likewhattosacrifice,whotosave,whethertobuyaspacehamster,and,mostimportantly,whotogetbusywith.Foodanddrinkarenotabigpartofthegame,buttherearesomeminorreferencesthroughout.

SerriceIceBrandyispartofasimplesidequestthatistotallyoptionalbutdefinitelyworthcompleting.Dr.Chakwas,astatelysortofwomanwhowaspartoftheoriginalNormandycrew,alsoendsupservingonthenewNormandy.Youareabletoaskyourcrewmembersiftheyneedanything,andwhatDr.ChakwasneedsissomeSerriceIceBrandy.Ifyousucceedinfindingsomeforher,she’lldoyouthehonorofdrinkingitwithyou.You’llbothgetalittlelubricatedandyou’llseeadifferentsideofthegooddoctor.

Thebrandyisblueincolorandisservedinthered-rimmedtumblersthatseemtobeeverywhereinthegalaxy.

SERVES1

2tablespoonsapricotbrandy3tablespoonsbluecuraçao2tablespoonsHpnotiqLemon-limesoda,fortoppingoffIcecubes,toserve(optional)

1Combinethebrandy,bluecuraçao,andHpnotiqintheservingglass.

2Topoffwithlemon-limesoda.Bestservedchilledoroverice.

INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA

CHATEAUROMANI

Okay,IknowIsaidearlierthatLinkshouldnotdrinkalcoholbecausehecouldgetsloppy,butthisistheexception.Thisrecipeisoneofmyfavoritesfromtheblogbecauseitissimpleyetaddictive.ChateauRomanimadeitsfirstandonlyappearanceinwhatmanyconsidertobethedarkhorseoftheZeldaseries,Majora’sMask.Majora’sMaskusedtobeanundervaluedgameintheseriesbuthasrecentlygainedinrecognition.Ithinkthissurgeinpopularityiswelldeserved;thegameisamongmyall-timefavoritesinanyseries.IhavespentcountlesshoursfollowingaroundthepeopleofClockTown,learningtheirsecretsandfears,butoneofmyfavoritequest-linesinvolvesacertainmagicalmilkbeverage.

ChateauRomaniisaspecialkindofmilkproducedatRomaniRanch.The

ranchislocatedoutsideofClockTownandownedbytwoadorablered-headedsisterswhobearastrongresemblancetoMalonfromOcarinaofTime.ChateauRomaniisexceptionallypricey,costingawhoppingtwohundredrupeesperbottle.It’salsodifficulttoobtainasitisonlysoldintheexclusiveMilkBarinsideEastClockTown.Inthegame,youneedtocompleteseveraldifferentquestsinordertogetabottleofChateauRomani(includingsavingsomeveryspecialcowsfromalienabduction),butitisabsolutelyworththetrouble.ChateauRomaniwillfullyreplenishyourheartbar,aswellasgiveyouunlimitedmagic,althoughitmightmakeyouabittipsy,likeacertainmustachioedcircusleaderseenmopingaroundintheMilkBarduringtheiropenhours.

SERVES1

2scoopsFrenchvanillaicecreamGroundcinnamon(optional)Gratednutmeg(optional)2shotsIrishcream1cup(235ml)milk1/4cup(60ml)sodawater

1Makesureallyourliquidingredientsareproperlychilledbeforeyoustart.

2Partiallymelttheicecreaminamicrowave-safecontainer—youdon’twanttheicecreamtobecompletelyliquid,somakesuretherearestillsomefrozenlumps.

3Ifyouwanttoaddcinnamonand/ornutmeg,nowisthetime:mixitintotheicecreamitselfbecausethefatfromthecreamwillpreventthespicesfromclumping.Stirtheicecreamsoit’ssmoothandlump-freeandallthespicesarethoroughlymixedin.

4Addtheicecreamtoyourservingcup.PourintheIrishcream,thenthemilk,followedbythesodawater.Stir.Note:Thisdrinkisnotaprecisescience;levelsofeachingredientcanbeadjustedtofityourindividualtastes.SoifyouwannaaddalittlemoreIrishcreaminthatsucker…Enjoy!

INSPIREDBYFIREFLY

MUDDER’SMILK

FellowBrowncoats,let’shaveamomentofsilenceforFirefly.ThecancellationofFireflywasoneofthemostdevastatinglossesingeek

television.Sadly,afteronlyfifteenmagnificentepisodes,itwastakenofftheair.Fireflywasasci-fiwesternfusion,createdbyJossWhedon.Setaboutfivehundredyearsinthefuture,afterhumanshadjustarrivedinanewstarsystem,theserieshadasortofafuturisticWildWestatmosphereandtook“thefinalfrontier”veryliterally.Thestoryfollowedagroupofninerenegades,allwithverydiversebackgrounds,strugglingtosurviveonaFirefly-classstarship.Let’skeepthememoryofFireflyalivewithsomegoodol’Mudder’sMilk!

Mudder’sMilkappearedintheepisode“Jaynestown.”ItwasusedonaremoteplanetcalledHiggin’sMoontosimultaneouslyfeedthelaborers,orMudders(asmudwastheplanet’sonlyexport),andkeepthemsubmissive.Ithas,accordingtoplanetarylegendJayne,“alltheprotein,vitamins,andcarbsofyourgrandma’sbestturkeydinner,plus15percentalcohol.”Fromthisdescription,Iimagineditbeingasortofalcoholicproteinshake.Thisrecipeisnotgoingtobeeveryone’scupofcompanionteabutthat’showitissupposedtobe.Ithinkittastesprettyruttinggoodmyself.Itwouldbeagreatmealreplacementforoneofthosedays.Funfact:AsashoutouttoFirefly,Mudder’sMilkwasaddedasaconsumableiteminWorldofWarcraft.

SERVES1

2–3shotsofhoneywhiskey1/2cup(120ml)milk1/2cup(120g)plainGreekyogurt1banana2tablespoonspeanutbutter1/4cup(60g)oatmealHoney,totasteGroundcinnamon,totasteIce

1Combinealltheingredientsinablenderandthenblenduntiltheconsistencyissmoothanddrinkable.

2Pourintoamugandenjoy!

INSPIREDBYTHEHITCHHIKER’SGUIDETOTHEGALAXY

PANGALACTICGARGLEBLASTER

DouglasAdams’hilarioussci-fiseriesislegendary.Thestorybeganin1978asaBBCradioshow,andthenitbecameacriticallyacclaimedseriesofbooks.Sincethentherehasbeenafull-lengthmovie,multiplecomics,videogames,andcountlessotheradaptationsofthebelovedseries.IthasbeenreferencedineverythingfromDoctorWhototheGooglesearchpage.TheprominentthemeisTheGuide,whichissortofatravelguidefortheMilkyWayGalaxycompletewithhottipsanddirewarnings.ThePanGalacticGargleBlaster,describedinTheGuideasthebestdrinkinexistence,wasinventedbyZaphodBeeblebrox—theflamboyant,two-headedanti-herooftheseries.

AsAdamshasstated,atrueandauthenticPGGBcannotbemadeonEarth,asthelawsofphysicspreventit;however,IthoughtI’dtrymyhandatmakingsomethingrelativelyclose.Imightnotalwaysknowwheremytowelisbut,Iassureyou,thisdrinkisbothexpensiveandbadforthehead.Ol’JanxSpiritissubstitutedwithrumbecauserumisoneofthefewEarthspiritsthatismadefromjuice.Santragineanseawaterisnowsparklingwater.ArcturanMega-GincubesareacombinationoficecubesandBombaySapphire.Thebubblingeffect

cubesareacombinationoficecubesandBombaySapphire.ThebubblingeffectofFallianMarshGaswasalreadytakencareofwiththecarbondioxidegasinthesparklingwater,butIapproximatedtheflavorofittobelikethatoflimoncello,asthedrinkissupposedtohavea…lemon-yeffect.QualactinHypermintextract?Easy,mintextract.ToothofanAlgolianSuntigerisasugarcubewithpeppervodkatoaddheat.MysteriousZamphourislemon-flavoredsugarbecause,youknow,itsprinkles.Theoliveisprettyselfexplanatory.

Thefinalresultislikeaspicy,lightlysweet,lemonmartini.Itseemsmostlyharmlesswhileyou’redrinkingit,butitwilllayyououtsomuch,you’llthinkyouwere,well,hitintheheadbyasliceoflemonwrappedaroundalargegoldbrick.

SERVES1

1/2cup(120ml)sparklingwater2tablespoonsgoldrum3tablespoonsBombaySapphiregin3smallicecubes1/4cup(60ml)limoncello1tinydropmintextract2tablespoonspeppervodka1sugarcubeGreenfooddye(optional,forcolor)1pinchlemon-flavoredsugar(makeyourownbycombininglemonzestandsugar,orbuyataliquorstore)1

Spanisholive

1Pourthesparklingwaterintoaservingcupandaddtherum.

2Addtheginandicecubesandthenthelimoncello.

3Squeezeinatinydropofmintextract.

4Addthepeppervodkathendropinasugarcubeandwatchitdissolve.

5Stirinthegreenfooddye,ifusing.

6Sprinklelemon-flavoredsugaroverthedrinkandgarnishwithanolive.

8Drink…but…verycarefully…

INSPIREDBYTHELORDOFTHERINGS

MIRUVOR

TheLordoftheRingsisthesinglemostinfluentialfantasyseriesofalltime.Likemanynerds,itwasmyfirstepicfantasylove.IwanttodorightbyLordoftheRingsfanseverywhere,especiallythefanswhooccupiedtheAOLLordoftheRingschatroomsintheearly2000s.Hi,guys!Rememberme?I’mtheonewhoneversaidanythingandjusthungaroundlikeacreep.

MiruvoristhecordialbeverageofRivendell.InTheFellowshipoftheRing,aflaskofMiruvorisgiventoGandalfbyElrondafterthefirstcouncilandhelpstheFellowshipsurvivetheverynippytriptoMoria.Miruvorisknownforitswarmingandrejuvenatingqualities.ThewordcomesfromtheQuenyaLexiconandmeans“drinkoftheValar.”Itisdescribedasaclearliquidwithapleasantfragrance.Itwasabitchallengingtocreateadrinkbasedonthesefacts,butIhopeyou’llenjoythislovelyetherealbeverage.Thewhiteteaishotandinvigorating,theelderflowerliqueurandrosewateraddafloralquality,andthepeachschnappsaddsanectar-likesweetness.Theendresultissomehowbothsoothingandenergizing.Visually,itismostlyclearbuthasalightgoldenshinewhichIthinkaddsabitofelvenmagic.

SERVES1

1cup(235ml)hotwater1bagwhitetea2shotselderflowerliqueur1shotpeachschnapps1teaspoonhoney5dropsroseororangeflowerwater

1Brewthewhiteteainthehotwaterforafewseconds.Donotletitsteepfortoolong—theflavorshouldbelightandsubtleandthecolorverypale.

2Addalltheotheringredientsandstirtocombine.

3Adjusttotaste.

INSPIREDBYSTARTREK

ROMULANALE

StarTrekisthemostpopularscience-fictioncreationofalltime.Ifyou’reabouttosayanythingoreventhinkanythingaboutStarWarsrightnow:shhh,stop.StarWarsisnothardsciencefiction,it’saspaceopera.Okay,yes,technicallyspaceoperaisasub-genreofsciencefiction,butstill,it’slikecomparingGWARtoFleetwoodMac.I’mnotimplyingthateitherisbetterthantheother,justthattheyarenotcomparable.

Nowthatthat’soutoftheway,let’stalkRomulanAle.ThisalcoholicdrinkmadeanappearanceasfarbackastheoriginalseriesandwasevenintheclassicStarTrekfilmTheWrathofKhan.RomulanAlehasacharacteristicbrightbluecolor,thoughtheshadeofbluedoesvarythroughouttheseries.Littleisknownaboutthetasteofthedrink,butwhatisknownisthatit’sextremelypotentandcausessomekillerhangovers.Romulansaresortofreoccurring“villains”inStarTrek—theyhaveneverreallybeenongoodtermswithTheFederation—soRomulanAleisillegal…thoughitsoutlawstatusmightalsohavesomethingtowiththehangovers.WhatIcreatedisbrightblueandtasteskindalikeachocolateorange.Ithasanicesweet-and-sourthinggoingon,justliketheRomulans.It’salsoreallyeasytodrink.Ihopeyouenjoyit,becauseyouwon’tenjoyitsomuchtomorrow!

SERVES1

2tablespoonsbluecuraçao2tablespoonsrum(151proof)2tablespoonscrèmedecacaoIceBluecreamsoda,totaste

1Pooralltheingredients,exceptthecreamsoda,intoanice-filledcupofyourchoiceandstir.

2Topoffthedrinkwithasmuchcreamsodaasyoudesire.

MISCELLANEOUSGEEK

MEAD

Meadispresentinmany,manygeekythings.IthasfeaturedinbooksbysuchliterarygiantsasJ.R.R.Tolkien,GeorgeR.R.Martin,andNeilGaiman.ItisespeciallypresentintalesofGermanicinfluence—anythinginvolvingVikingsortheNorsepantheon,suchasBeowulf,Skyrim,andtheThorcomics.InNorsemythology,MeadisservedinValhalla,whichissortoflikeVikingheaven,andthehomeoftheNorseall-fathergod,Odin.

FoodhistorianshavemostlybeeninconsensusthatMeadwasthefirstalcoholicbeverageevercreated.So,whatisit?Meadisatypeofwinefermentedfromhoneyinsteadofgrapesandfrequentlyflavoredwithfruitsandspices.Itgenerallyhasalightgoldencolor.

Here’sthething:AproperMeadtakesweeksorevenmonthstocomeofageandrequiresagoodamountofexpensivewine-makingandfermentationsuppliestoboot.Sure,therearequickanddirtywaystomakeasortofmeadhooch,butIwouldn’twanttoattemptit.Thereareplentyofwonderfulrecipesoutthereifyouthinkyouwanttotakeonalcohol-makingfromscratch,butIcan’tbeyourguideonthatjourneybecause,frankly,Iwouldn’tknowwhatIwastalkingabout.

SohereismyrecipeforaMeadcocktail—madewithwine,honey,fruitessences,andspices.PutonyourhelmandfauxfursanddrinklikeaViking!ToValhalla!

SERVES5–6

3–5tablespoonshoney

11/4–11/2cups(300–350ml)drywhitewine5dropsorangebitters2tablespoonsapplecidervinegar3wholeallspiceIce(optional)

1Microwavethehoneyinamicrowaveablejugonhighfor30seconds.

2Pourinthewhitewineandstiruntilthehoneyiscompletelydissolved.

3Addthebitters,vinegar,andwholeallspice.

4Chillintherefrigeratoruntilreadytoserve.

4Chillintherefrigeratoruntilreadytoserve.

5Removetheallspicebeforeserving.Servechilledorwithsomeice.

INSPIREDBYMONKEYISLANDANDOTHERSWASHBUCKLINGTALES

GROG

MonkeyIslandwasthefirstvideogameIfellinlovewith.Withalotoftrialanderrorandthehelpofmybigbrother,ImanagedtoplaythegamebeforeIcouldevenread.TheSecretofMonkeyIslandisbeautiful,challenging,andhilarious.ItfollowstheadventuresofanaspiringpiratenamedGuybrushThreepwoodashegetsinoverhisheadwithpiranhapoodles,ghostpirates,andhealth-consciouscannibals.Atthebeginningofthegame,youaretoldhowtobecomeapirate(becauseinMonkeyIslandbecomingapirateissortoflikeacluborfraternityandtherearecertainhazingritualsyoumustovercome)and,inadditiontotreasurehunting,swordfighting,andthievery,thereisoneotherrequirementtobeingconsideredatruepirate:Grog-swilling!

TheingredientsofGroglistedinMonkeyIslandarenottruetolife.They’realsonotappealingorsafeinanyway.Seriously,theonlyacidsthatshouldbeinyourgrogareascorbicandcitric.GrogisarealdrinkthatwasinventedbytheEnglishRoyalNavyfortheverypracticalpurposesofwateringdownthealcoholrationsthatweregiventosailors.Thiswasdonebecauseitwascommonforsailorstosaveuptheirrumrationsforthepurposesofgettingtotallyandcompletelydrunk,whichwasveryproblematic.So,originally,Grogwasjustwatered-downrum,butitevolvedovertimetoincludefruitjuices,sweeteners,andspices.ThepirateversionofGrogisactuallycalledBumboandwasconsiderablymoreelaboratethanthenavalversion.Mytakeonthedrinkisadeliciouspunchwithhoney,cinnamon,andbothtropicalandcitrusjuices.WithallofthevitaminCinthisdrink,you’llbeunlikelytogetscurvy!

SERVESABOUT10

1/2cup(120ml)honey,ortotaste2cups(475ml)darkrum,ormore1cup(235ml)water1cup(235ml)grapefruitjuice1cup(235ml)orangejuice1cup(235ml)pineapplejuice5cinnamonsticks,ortotaste2wholenutmegs1cup(235ml)bluecuraçao(foragreencolor,optional)Afewdropsofgreenfooddye(optional)Seasalt,totaste(optional)Limewedges,toserve

1Heatthehoneyinamicrowaveablebowlinthemicrowaveonhighfor20–30seconds,oruntilloosened.

2Putalltheingredientsinapunchbowlwiththeloosenedhoneyandstireverythingtogetheruntilthoroughlyincorporated.

Note:Ifaddingbluecuraçaoand/orgreenfooddye,addalittleatatimeuntilyougettherightcolor—moreorlessmaybeneededdependingonyourcolorpreferences.Ifaddingseasalt,alsoaddapinchatatimeandtasteuntilyouthinkitisright.

3Chillthemixturebeforeserving.Thisalsoallowstimeforthecinnamonandnutmegtosteep.

4Garnisheachservingcupwithawedgeoflime.Donotserveinpewtermugs!

SNACKSandAPPETIZERS

Discworld:FIGGINSBabylon5:SPOO

TheLordoftheRings:CRAMDoctorWho:FISHFINGERSANDCUSTARD

Futurama:POPPLERSTheElderScrolls:ELSWEYRFONDUETheHungerGames:CHEESEBUNSTheLordoftheRings:LEMBASSoylentGreen:SOYLENTGREENSerenity:FRUITYOATYBARS

Earthbound:PEANUTCHEESEBARS

INSPIREDBYDISCWORLD

FIGGINS

TerryPratchett’swackyandhilariousseriescontainsalotofediblethings,thoughmanyarenotentirelyappealing.Pig’searsoup,anyone?Howaboutsomeratfruit?No?Butifyou’reaDiscworldfan,IhighlyrecommendpurchasingNannyOgg’sCookbook.

Otherthanamysteriouswordforanunknownbodypartfromwhichonewouldnotwanttobehung,aFigginisdefinedinGuards!Guards!asashortcrustpastrycontainingraisinsor,alternately,inInterestingTimesasasmallbunwithcurrantsinit.ImadeaGuards!Guards!version.Ialsoincludedfigs,because,youknow,FIG-gins.

MAKES9FIGGINS

Forthedough1cupor2sticks(225g)butter,divided2cups(240g)flourIcewater

Forthefilling3/4cup(110g)raisins1/4cup(35g)driedfigs,chopped1/2cup(120ml)orangejuice1/4cup(60ml)honey,or

totaste1teaspoonorangezest1teaspoonallspice1teaspoongroundcinnamonPinchofgroundginger

1Inalargemixingbowl,addtheflourwith3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)ofthebutter.Usingyourfingers,workthebutterintotheflouruntilyouhaveacrumblytexture.Addatinyamountoficewatertotheflourandbutterandcombineuntilthedoughisverystiff.

2Coverthedoughandplaceinthefridgewhileyoumakethefilling.

3Puttheraisins,figs,orangejuice,honey,zest,spices,andtheremaining1/4cupor1/2stick(57g)ofbutterintoasaucepanandsimmerfor10–15minutes.Ifanyliquidremains,discardit.Leavetocool.

4Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).Dividethedoughintonineevenpieces.Rollouteachpieceuntilitis1/8inch(3mm)thick,thenuseateasaucerasatemplateandcutarounditwithaknife.

5Spoonaboutatablespoonofthefillingintothecenterofthecircle,thenpullthedoughedgesintothecenterofthecircleoverthefillingandpresstogether.Note:Wetyourfingersslightlywithcoldmilkorwaterwhendoingthistoensuretheedgesseal.

thistoensuretheedgesseal.

6Whensealed,useyourhandsorarollertoflattentheFigginabit.

7FliptheFigginoversothatthesealedsideisonthebottom.Cutslitsintothecentertovent.

8PlacetheFiggin,sealedsidedown,onaparchment-linedbakingsheet.

9Repeatsteps6–9untilyouhavenineFigginsonthebakingsheet.

10Bakefor20minutes,oruntilgoldenbrown.

INSPIREDBYBABYLON5

SPOO

Babylon5isaspace-operaseriesthatranforfiveyearsinthe1990s.Theseriesfeaturesagoodamountofstrangealienfoods,butthemostintriguing(andperhapsthemostdisgusting)isSpoo.Spoo(“Oops”spelledbackwards)actuallymakesitsfirstappearancebeforeBabylon5,inShe-Ra:PrincessofPower,whereitisofferedtoSkeletor,whoquicklyrejectsitsayingthathehatesSpoo,eventhoughhedoesn’tknowwhatitis.

Spooismadefromatypeofwormofthesamenamethatistreatedwithcontemptbymostofthegalaxyduetoitsannoyinghabitofsighingallthetime.Itisconsideredbymanyalienstobethetastiestfoodinthegalaxy;however,itdoesn’tseemtoappealtohumantastes.OrSkeletor’s.

SERVES10

1cup(50g)pankobreadcrumbs3/4cup(175ml)buttermilk1packet(1/4oz/7g)flavorlessgelatin3tablespoonscoldwater1/2cup(40g)Parmesancheese,shredded1pound(450g)groundturkey1egg,lightlybeaten6clovesgarlic,minced2tablespoonsonionpowder1/2tablespoonpowderedchickenbouillonSaltandpepper,totasteBluefooddye(optional)

1Inalargemixingbowl,combinethepankoandbuttermilkandsetasideforabout10minutestoformapanade(breadpaste).Inanotherbowl,combinethegelatinandwater,stir,andsetasidefor10minutestoallowthegelatinto

thegelatinandwater,stir,andsetasidefor10minutestoallowthegelatintostiffenabit.

2Preheattheovento400°F(200°C).

3Addalltheotheringredientstothepankoandbuttermilkinthelargemixingbowlandtipinthegelatinanditswater.Mixeverythingtogetherthoroughly.

4LinealoaftinwithparchmentpaperandpourintheSpoo,smoothingthetop.

5Bakefor45minutes,oruntilthecenteroftheSpooreachesatleast165°F(75°C).Thisisveryimportant!Thereispoultryinthisdish,whichisdangeroustoconsumeraw.

6RemovetheSpoofromtheovenandleavetocoolandsetforabout10minutes.Therewillprobablybeabrownlayerontopthatwillberemovedlaterforaestheticreasons,andagoodamountofjuicewillescapeandlookverygross,but,trustme,itwilltastegood.

7Useaknifetocuttheloafintocubes,removingthebrownedtopfromeach,andserve!Iliketoskewermychunksontolittletoothpicks.

INSPIREDBYTHELORDOFTHERINGS

CRAM

IgetasurprisingamountofrequestsforCram,thecharacteristicallyunexcitingbiscuit-likefoodfromTheLordoftheRings,whichistestamenttothededicationforwhichTolkienfansarerenowned.CramissounexcitingthatinTheHobbitTolkiendescribeseatingitasa“chewingexercise.”Itsfewredeemingqualitiesarethatitissodrythatitkeepsindefinitelyandthatitprovidesadequatesustenance.ThisfoodisnottobeconfusedwithCramfromFallout,whichisaplayonthecannedmysterymeatthatisSpam.

Thisrecipeisforaverydrycookieorbiscuitthathasproteinpowderaddedforsustenanceandapplesauceforextranutrients.Additionalsugarandapplesauce(1to2tablespoons)canbeaddedtomakethebiscuitlessdryandblandifyou’remoreconcernedwithtastethanyouarewithaccuracy.Enjoy?

SERVES5–6

4tablespoonsvegetableoil,plusextraforgreasing1/2cup(40g)instantoats,ground1/4cup(30g)unflavoredwheyproteinpowder1/4cup(30g)flour3

tablespoonssugarPinchofsaltPinchofbakingpowder1egg2tablespoonsapplesauce

1Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).

2Greasea9×9-inch(23×23cm)bakingpanorlineitwithparchmentpaper.

3Stirtogethertheoats,proteinpowder,flour,sugar,salt,andbakingpowder.

4Inaseparatebowl,whisktogethertheegg,applesauce,andoil.

5Addthewetingredientstothedryingredientsandstirthoroughlywithawoodenspoon.

6Addthemixturetothegreasedpan,makingsurethebattersettlesevenly.

7Bakefor12–15minutes,oruntiltheCramisfirmandaforkortoothpickinsertedintoitcomesoutclean.Cutintosquaresandserve!

INSPIREDBYDOCTORWHO

FISHFINGERSANDCUSTARD

FishFingersandCustardbecameathingwhentheeleventhincarnationoftheDoctorfirstregeneratedoutsideofthehomeofayoungAmeliaPond.Hisregenerationmadehimveryhungrybut,havingawholenewbody,hehadnoideawhatsortoffoodtastedgoodtohisnewtastebuds.Soheenlistedthehelpofhisnewred-headedpaltohelphimfindoutwhatheliked.Afterrejectingamultitudeofdifferentfoods,hefoundsomethingthatheliked.Yep,fishfingersdippedincustard.

Let’sfaceit,theideaismeanttobesortofstrangeandunappealing.Inthescene,MattSmithhimselfisactuallyeatingbreadedcoconutcakesdippedincustard.Sincemakingtherecipe,though,alotofWhovianshavetoldmethatplainoldstore-boughtfishfingersandregularvanillacustardactuallytasteprettyokay.I’lltaketheirwordforitandblessthemallfortheirdedication…butIwantedtomakesomethingthateveryonecouldgetdownwith.

Iwantedtomakesomethingthateveryonecouldgetdownwith.Myrecipepairsapanko-andcoconut-batteredfriedfishfinger(coconut

addedastributetotherealityofthescene)andtangylemonandhoneymustarddippingsauce(thatbasicallylookslikecustard)whichcomplementsitperfectly.

SERVES4–6

Forthefishfingers1/2cup(60g)flourSaltandpepper,totaste2eggs1tablespoonmilk1cup(50g)pankobreadcrumbs1cup(70g)coconutflakes1pound(453g)tilapiafilets,cutinto1-inch(2.5-cm)strips(codorhaddockwillalsowork)Oil,forfrying

Forthe“custard”1/2cup(115g)mayonnaise2tablespoonsyellowmustard(prepared)1tablespoonDijonmustard2tablespoonshoney1tablespoonlemonjuice2clovesgarlic,minced

1Combinetheflour,salt,andpepperinashallowbowl.

2Beattheeggswiththemilkinanothershallowbowl.

3Mixthebreadcrumbsandcoconutinathirdshallowbowl.

4Coateachfishstripintheseasonedflour,dipthemintotheeggmixture,andthenrollinthepankoandcoconutmixture.Setasideuntilreadytocook.

5Heat1/2inch(1.25cm)ofoilinalargeskilletovermedium-highheat.

6Insmallbatches,frythefishsticksuntilgoldenbrown,about2minutesperside.Drainonapapertowel–linedplate.

7Tomakethecustardsauce,simplycombinealltheingredientsandmixthoroughly.

8Liberallydipthefishfingersinthecustardsauceandenjoy!

INSPIREDBYFUTURAMA

POPPLERS

PopplersappearedintheSeason2episode“TheProblemwithPopplers,”whichisaplayontheclassicStarTrekepisode“TheTroublewithTribbles.”IntheFuturamaepisode,thecrewisrunninglowonfoodsuppliesandgoestothenearestplanettoseeiftheycanfindsomethingedible.Lelastumblesuponapitofediblecreaturesthatturnouttobebothdeliciousandaddictive.Theybringalargecargooftheirresistiblesnacksbacktocivilization,wheretheynamethemPopplers,andtheyquicklybecomeasensation.Theylookexactlylikedeep-friedshrimpandareeventuallysoldatFishyJoe’srestaurant.WashthemdownwithsomeSlurm!

SERVES5–7

1cup(240g)buttermilk2eggs1pound(450g)mediumshrimp,cleaned,peeled,andtailsremoved2cups(250g)flour,divided1cup(50g)pankobreadcrumbs1tablespoononionpowder1tablespoongarlicpowder1tablespoonoldbayseasoningSaltandpepper,totasteCayennepepper,totasteCanolaoil,fordeep-fryingDippingsauces(optional)

1Inasmallmixingbowl,thoroughlywhisktogetherthebuttermilkandeggs.

1Inasmallmixingbowl,thoroughlywhisktogetherthebuttermilkandeggs.Addtheshrimptobuttermilk/eggmixtureandsetaside.

2Inamediummixingbowl,mixtogether1cup(125g)oftheflourwiththepankoandseasonings.Puttheremainingflourinaseparatesmallshallowbowl.

3Prepareadeepfryer–ifyoudon’thaveone,fillaheavy-bottomedpotthree-quartersfullofcanolaoil.Heattheoilto370°F(190°C).

4Ifyouhaveafrybasket,setitintothepotfullofoilordeepfryer.Makesureitisdrybeforedoingso.

5Removeshrimpfromthebuttermilkbathandrollintheplainflouruntilcoated.Then,dunkbackintothebuttermilk/eggbath,removeagainandrollintothepanko/flourmixuntilcoated.Repeatthisforeveryshrimp.Thiscanbedoneinbatchesof5or6shrimp;youwanttofrytheminbatchesofthissizebecauseaddingtoomanyatoncecancausesafetyissuesandreducethetemperatureoftheoil,whichwillmakethebattersoggy.

6Droponebatchofshrimpintothedeepfryeratatime.Removebycarefullyliftingthefrybasketoutofthepotordeepfryerafteroneortwominutesorwhentheshrimparegoldenandcrispy.Ifyoudonothaveafrybasket,usetongstoremovetheshrimp.Beverycarefulnottogetsplashedwithhotoil!RepeatuntilallPopplersarefried.Enjoywithadippingsauceofyourchoice.

INSPIREDBYTHEELDERSCROLLS

ELSWEYRFONDUE

TheElderScrollsisavideo-gameseriesthatischock-fullofdelicious-soundingmade-upfoods,anditwasdifficulttopindownjusttherightonetoputinthiscollection.AsIhaveaweaknessforcheese,thisonestoodout.IntheworldofElderScrolls,ElsweyristhehomeoftheKhajiitrace,whichyoumayrecognizeasthebighumanoidkitties.ElsweyrFondueismadewiththreeingredients:Ale,Eidarcheese,andMoonSugar.Wheneaten,itrestoresamassiveamountofmagicka.

So,Eidarcheeseisveryobviouslyabluecheeseandaleisprettyself-explanatory,buttheMoonSugarisabitofaquestionmark.MoonSugarisanalchemyingredientinthegamethatrestoresmagicka,andisalsousedinthecreationofSkooma,anillegalsubstance.Itlookslikebrowncrystalsandissaidtobemadefromacaneplant,likeregularsugar.Itisknowntohaveanarcoticeffect,especiallyonKhajiit,sothatremindedmealittleofcatnip.Thoughwealllovewatchingourcatsactlikefurrylittlefoolswhenexposedtothesubstance,catnipisnotsomethingthathumansoftenconsume,except,occasionally,asamildlytranquilizingtea.SoImadeacatniptea–infusedhardcandy(foracrystalizedlook)andaddedsomemesquiteflavor.Admittedly,theMoonSugartastesprettystrangebyitselfbutaddsanicesmokysweetnesstothefondue.YouwilldefinitelyhavemoreMoonSugarthanyouneedforthefondue(thenatureofhardcandymakesitimpossibletomakeinsmallbatches),soalternatively,ifyoudon’twanttoendupwithabunchofextraMoonSugar,youcanskipmakingitalltogetherandjustaddapinchofmesquiteandregularsugartothefondue.

Enjoythefonduewithanassortmentofveggies,fruits,bread,andmeats.Hottip:Itgoesespeciallywellwithsteamedbroccoli,apples,crustybread,andtangy/spicymeats.Sugarandsand,furlicker!

SERVES4

Forthemoonsugar(optional)1/2cup(120ml)water3catnipteabags1/3cup(78ml)cornsyrup2tablespoonsmesquiteflavor2teaspoonscayennepowder,ortotaste1tablespoonsmokedpaprika,ortotaste1cup(200g)granulatedsugarConfectioners’sugar,forcoating

Forthefondue1clovegarlic2tablespoonsbutter

2tablespoonsbutter1/2cup(120ml)ale13/4cupsor8ounces(225g)crumbledbluecheese(yourchoice)3/4cupor6ounces

(175g)creamcheese2piecesMoonSugar,optionalBite-sizedpiecesofyourfavoritefruits,veggies,breads,andmeats,fordipping

1FirstmaketheMoonSugar.Boilthewaterandbrewthe3teabagsforabout10–15minutesuntilastrongconcentrateismade.Removetheteabags,squeezingoutanyexcessliquid,anddiscard.

2Pourthebrewedcatnipteaintoagood-qualitymetalsaucepanwithacandythermometerattachedalongwiththecornsyrup,spices,andsugar.

3Heatthemixtureuntilitreaches300°F(150°C),stirringconstantly.

4Transferthemixturetoaheat-resistantcontainerlinedwithparchmentpaperandsprinkletheconfectioners’sugaroverthetop.Letthecandycoolandharden.

5Whenthecandyishard,useabutterknifetobreakitintopiecesroughlythesizeofJollyRanchers.Coatwithmoreconfectioners’sugarifdesired.Theendproductshouldlookabitlikeseaglass.YouwillhavemuchmorethanneededfortheFondue,soyoucaneitherdiscardtheexcessorcrushitupanduseitasarubformeat.

6Next,maketheFondue.Cutthegarliccloveinhalfandrubthecutsidesaroundtheinsideofafonduepot.Whendone,leavethegarlicinthepot.

7Addthebuttertothepotandturntheheatonthefonduemachineto200°F(95°C).Letthebuttermeltforafewseconds.

8Pourthealeintothepot.

9Begintoslowlyaddthecrumbledbluecheesetothealeandstirin.

10Whenthecheesestartstomelt,addthecreamcheeseandstiruntiltheFondueissmooth.

11AddtheMoonSugarandstirforaboutaminutemore.TheMoonSugarwillmeltgraduallyandinfusetheFonduewithasweet,smokyflavor,butitwillnotmeltcompletelyrightaway.

12Dipthesidesofyourchoiceintothefondueandenjoy!

INSPIREDBYTHEHUNGERGAMES

CHEESEBUNS

TheHungerGamesseemstobereallypolarizingamongstnerds.Therearesomewhoseemtohateitandmanymorewholoveit.Itmightbebecausethestoryisoftencomparedto(andevenaccusedofcopying)BattleRoyale.Personally,havingreadandwatchedbothofthese,Ithinktheyarecompletelydifferentstories.And,let’sfaceit,pittingpeople(evenchildren)againsteachotherinafighttothedeathishardlyanewconcept.Idon’tthinkeitherisbetterthantheother,butthereisonewayinwhichTheHungerGamesexcelsoverBattleRoyale:food!

TherearealotofmouthwateringfoodmomentsinTheHungerGames.Alot.Themomentsareextradeliciousasyouexperiencethemfromtheperspectiveofacharacterwhohasbeenmalnourishedmostofherlife.OneofthemorememorablefoodsisKatniss’favoritebakedgoodfromPeeta’sbakery:theCheeseBun.Theyaredescribedasbunsbakedwithalayerofcheeseontop.Seriously,whodoesn’tlikebreadandcheese?Carb+meltedcheese=heaven,amiright?

MAKES20BUNS

3cups(360g)flour,divided

1packet(1/4oz/7g)activedryyeast1tablespoonsugar1teaspoonsalt3/4cup(88g)shreddedsharpcheddarcheese,divided3/4cup(88g)shreddedGruyèrecheese,divided1/2cup

(120ml)warmmilk1/2cup(120ml)warmwater11/2tablespoonsoliveoilButter,vegetableoil,ornonstickspray,forgreasing

3tablespoonsbutter,melted

1Combine11/2cups(180g)flour,thesugar,salt,andtheyeastinalargemixingbowlandthoroughlymix.

2Tossin1/2cup(58g)ofeachcheese,addthewarmmilk,warmwater,andtheoliveoil,andbeatforabout2minutes.

3Graduallystirintherestoftheflouruntilyouhaveasoftdough.

4Tipoutthedoughontoaflouredboardandkneaduntilitiselasticandnotsticky,addingmoreflourifnecessary.

5Placeinagreasedbowlandthenflipthedoughovertogreasetheotherside.Coverthebowlwithplasticwrap.Letthedoughriseinawarmenvironmentforapproximately30minutes.

6Punchthedoughdown,coveragain,andletrestfor10moreminutes.

7Cutthedoughinto20piecesandshapeeachoneintoasphere.

8Dipeachballinmeltedbutterandarrangetheballsintworowsinthepan.Coverwithapapertowel.Leavetoriseinawarmplaceforabout1hour,oruntiltheballshavealmostreachedthetopofthepan.

9Preheatyourovento375°F(190°C)andgreaseasmallpan.

10Sprinkletheremainingcheesesovertherolls.11Bakeonthelowerrackoftheovenforabout35minutes,oruntiltherollsare

firmandgolden.Youcantellthey’redonewhenyouinsertatoothpickandit

firmandgolden.Youcantellthey’redonewhenyouinsertatoothpickanditcomesoutclean.Allowtocoolfor5minutes,thenenjoy.

INSPIREDBYTHELORDOFTHERINGS

LEMBAS

Lembasisthequintessentialgeekyfictionalfood.ItmadeitsfirstappearanceinTolkien’sTheFellowshipoftheRing.TheflavorofLembasisneverdetailedbutitissaidtobeabletofillthebellyofagrownmaninafewbites,whichmakesitusefulforlongjourneys.It’salsosupposedtotastemorepleasantthanit’snon-elvishcounterpart,Cram(seepage45).IfitwerenotforLembas,FrodoandSamwouldprobablynothavesurvivedtheextremelyperilousjourneythroughMordor.

ThisismysecondvariationonLembas.Thenutsandtheproteinpowdermakeitextremelyfilling;theywilldefinitelymakeyoufeellikeyoujustateabigdinner.Thecitruszestaddsvitaminsandthehoneymakesthebreadbothfragrantandtasty.Theyaresoft,lightlysweet,andverydelicate,soit’ssomewhatofasurprisewhenyoustarttofeellikeyoujustateThanksgivingdinner.Irecentlytooksomewithmeonahikingexcursion.IpretendedIwasclimbingMountDoomandkeptcallingmyfiancé“Mr.Frodo.”Hedidn’tappreciateit,buttheLembasdefinitelykeptmyenergyup.

SERVES10–15

6tablespoonsoliveoil,divided

11/2cups(350ml)warmwater21/2cups(300g)all-purposeflour1tablespooninstantyeast1cup(120g)unflavoredwheyproteinpowder2cupsmacadamianuts,finelychopped1tablespoonorangezest3/4cup(180ml)honey1teaspoonsalt5dropsorangeflowerwater(optional)Largenon-poisonousleaves(optional,bananaleavesrecommended)

1Greasea9×13-inch(23×33cm)bakingpanandadd3ofthe6tablespoonsofoliveoiltothebottom.

2Combinealloftheotheringredientsandbeatathighspeedwithanelectricmixerforoneminute.

3Transferthebatterintothepreparedpan.Coverandletriseatroomtemperaturefor1hour.

4Whiledoughisrising,preheattheovento375°F(190°C).

5Bakethebreaduntilitisgoldenbrown,about25–30minutes.

6Removefromtheoven,wait5minutes,andthenturnitoutofthepanontoarack.

7Cutbreadintosquarepieces,wrapeachpiecewithaleaf,andtiewithtwine.

7Cutbreadintosquarepieces,wrapeachpiecewithaleaf,andtiewithtwine.

INSPIREDBYSOYLENTGREEN

SOYLENTGREEN

SoylentGreenisadystopianclassic.IttakesplaceonafutureEarthwherealmostalloftheworld’sresourceshavebeendepletedduetothesheernumberofhumansoccupyingtheplanet.Mostoftheoverwhelmingpopulationsurvives,barely,onrations.SoylentGreenisthenewestoftheserations.Itissupposedlymadefrom“high-energyplankton”andismuchmorenutritiousthanitspredecessors,SoylentRedandYellow.

SoylentGreenappearsinthemovieasanunremarkablegreen-coloredsquare.

Thetasteisnotdescribed,thoughitissupposedlytastierthanbothRedandYellow.Mostpeoplenowadaysknowthebig“secret”ofSoylentGreenbeforetheyevenwatchthemovie.CharltonHeston’sdramaticactingatthefilm’sclimaxisjusttoomuchfuntoimitate.SPOILERALERTIskippedthepeople(OMG,people!)andmadeadeliciouscrackerusingfurikakeasthe“high-energyplankton,”cuz,youknow,oceans.Turnsoutthatpeople(and/orhigh-energyplankton)tastesprettygreatdippedinhummus!Iknow,Iknow,everythingtastesgreatdippedinhummus.

SERVES4

2cups(60g)freshspinach1egg1/2cupor1stickofbutter(112g),atroomtemperature3/4cup(60g)shreddedParmesancheese1/2cup

high-energyplankton(furikake)Garlicpowder,totasteOnionpowder,totaste

11/2cups(180g)flourYellowfoodcoloring(optional)Greenfoodcoloring(optional)

1Puréethespinachinafoodprocessor.

2Inalargemixingbowl,combinethepuréedspinach,egg,butter,cheese,furikake,andgarlicandonionpowders.Mixthoroughly.

3Addtheflourandcombinetoformthedough.Ifdesired,addafewdropsofeachfoodcoloringintothedoughandworkitinevenly.

4Chillthedoughintherefrigeratorfor1hour.

5Preheattheovento400°F(200°C)andlineabakingsheetwithparchmentpaper.Placeasheetofwaxpaperontopofaflatsurfaceand,workinginbatches,placeahandfulofdoughonthewaxpaperandthenplaceanothersheetofwaxpaperontop.Thewaxpaperwillpreventsticking.

6Useapastryrollerorrollingpintorolloutthedoughuntilit’sabout1/8inch(3mm)thick.

7Removethetopsheetofwaxpaperanduseasquarecookiecutter,about3×3inches(7.5×7.5cm)insize,toshapethecrackers,settingasidetheexcessdoughtore-rollforthenextbatch.

8Placethefinishedsquaresontheparchment-linedbakingsheet,coverwithaluminumfoiltopreventbrowning,andbakefor15–20minutes,oruntilcrispy.Youmayneedasecondbakingsheetortobaketheminbatches.

9Letcoolbeforeserving.

9Letcoolbeforeserving.

INSPIREDBYSERENITY

FRUITYOATYBARS

NotthatanythingcouldevermakethecancellationofFireflyokay,buttherewas,infact,amoviethatdulledaminusculeportionofthegriefandsuffering.SerenitytakesplaceafewmonthsafterwhereFireflyleftoff,andfollowsthecrewofSerenityastheytrytokeepescapedexperimentsubjectRiverTamhiddenfromTheAlliance.

Inthefilm,thereisahumorouslybizarrecommercialforaproductcalledFruityOatyBarsthatactuallycarriesasubliminalsignaltoseekoutRiverTam.Thebaritselfseemstoberainbowcolored(thoughthatmightjustbethewrapper)andpresumablytastesoffruitandoats.SoImadeasupertastybakedgoodywithoatmealanddriedfruits.Warning:Yourmindwillbeblownandaliveoctopusmightcomeoutofyourblouse.Also,keepoutofreachofmice.MakeabatchoftheseandpassthemaroundyourFireflysupportgroup!

MAKES12BARS

2cups(160g)oats1cup(150g)choppednuts,ofyourchoice2cups(300g)driedfruit,ofyourchoice1/4cup(30g)flourPinchofgroundcinnamonPinchofallspice1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,melted1cup(240ml)milk1egg2tablespoonsbrownsugar1teaspoonvanillaextractMultiplefoodcoloringcolors(optional)

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andlineabakingsheetwithparchmentpaper.

2Stirthedryingredients—oats,nuts,fruit,flour,andspices—togetherinonemixingbowl.

3Inanothermixingbowl,combinetheremainingwetingredients:butter,milk,egg,brownsugar,andvanillaextract.

4Thoroughlywhisktogetherthewetingredients,thenaddthemtothedrymixtureandcombine,makingsureeverythingisevenlycombined.

5Ifyou’regoingtodyethebars,separatethemixtureevenlyintoasmanydifferentcontainersasyouhavecolors.Addafewdropsofthefoodcoloringtoeachoftheseparatedbattersandmixuntilthecolorsareevenlydispersed.

6Poureverythingintothebakingsheet,makingsuretoflattenandevenoutthebatterasmuchaspossible.Ifyou’reusingdyedbatter,pourinonecolorata

batterasmuchaspossible.Ifyou’reusingdyedbatter,pourinonecoloratatime,startingfromonesideofthebakingsheetandworkingtowardtheother,creatingarainboweffect.

7Bakefor30–40minutes,oruntilthetopiscrispy,butnotburnt.

8Letcooltoroomtemperature,cutintorectangularbars,andserve!

INSPIREDBYEARTHBOUND

PEANUTCHEESEBARS

Earthboundisafunandquirkyold-schoolRPG,sortofamixofachildren’stelevisionshowandastoner’ssci-fidreamfantasy.Italsohasareallyinterestingandcomplexfoodsystem,whichmakesitmykindofgame.Itwasalittledifficulttodecidewhichfoodtoincludeherebecausetherearesomanyinterestingoptions.Forme,andIdon’tthinkI’maloneinthis,thePeanutCheeseBarhasalwaysstoodoutthemost.Unfortunately(orfortunately,dependingonyourperspective),TroutYogurtandPiggyJellydidn’tmakethecut.

ThePeanutCheeseBaristhefavoritefoodofthelovablespeciesMr.Saturn.Besidescontainingbothpeanutsandcheese,littleisknownaboutthebarsother

Besidescontainingbothpeanutsandcheese,littleisknownaboutthebarsotherthanthattheyaresupposedtotaste“prettyyummy”andrecover100HP.Ifyou’rethekindofpersonwholovestocombinesaltyandsweet,youwilllovethisrecipe.Ididn’twanttoshyawayfromgettingarealcheesyflavor,soIusedsharpcheddar,butamildercheesecanbeusedinstead.ZOOM!

MAKES8BARS

5grahamcrackers1tablespoonlightbrownsugar2/3cup(160g)unsaltedbutter,melted,divided2cups(225g)finelyshreddedcheddarcheese2cups(350g)milkchocolatechips1cup(235ml)half-and-half1tablespoonunsaltedbutter,melted1/2cup(75g)peanutsSprigofparsley(optional)

1Crushthegrahamcrackersasthoroughlyaspossible.

2Addthebrownsugarand1/3cup(80g)ofthemeltedbuttertothecrushedcrackersandthoroughlymixalltheingredientstogether.

3Pressthegrahamcrackermixturefirmlyontothebottomofa6×6inch(15×15cm)parchment-linedcontainerandplaceitinthefridgetoset.

4Inamixingbowl,combinetheshreddedcheeseandtheremaining1/3cup(80g)meltedbutteruntilapaste-liketextureisachieved.

5Spreadandlightlypressthischeesepasteontopofthesetgrahamcrackerlayertocreatethesecondlayer,thenreturnthecontainertothefridge.

6Gentlyheatthehalf-and-halfonthestove,stirringconstantly.

7Placethechocolatechipsinaheatproofmixingbowlandaddthehothalf-and-halfwhilestirring.Letsitforafewminutes.

8Addthe1tablespoonofmeltedbuttertothechocolatemixtureandmixthoroughlyuntilsmooth.

9Carefullyandevenlyspreadthechocolatelayeroverthecheeselayer.

10Sprinklethepeanutsevenlyontopofthechocolatelayerandgentlypresstheminsotheyarepartiallysubmerged.

11Returnthecontainertothefridgeforabout1hour.12Whenreadytoserve,cutinto8rectangularpieces.13Garnishwithasprigofparsley.Ordon’t…

SOUPSandSTEWSTheHungerGames:LAMBSTEWWITHPLUMS

ASongofIceandFire:BOWLO’BROWNTheLegendofZelda:ELIXIRSOUP

TheLegendofZelda:YETO’SSUPERBSOUPStarTrek:PLOMEEKSOUP

WorldofWarcraft:DRAGONBREATHCHILI

INSPIREDBYTHEHUNGERGAMES

LAMBSTEWWITHPLUMS

ThisisheroineKatnissEverdeen’sfavoritefoodfromTheCapitolanditisan

ThisisheroineKatnissEverdeen’sfavoritefoodfromTheCapitolanditisanabsolutelyessentialgeekyfood.Inthefirstbook,Katnissdescribesthisstewas“incredible”andeventellsHungerGameshostCaesarFlickmanthatit’swhatshefindsmostimpressiveinTheCapitol.I’mwithyou100percent,Katniss.FoodFTW.Laterinthebook,whenKatnissandPeetaareslowlystarvinginacave,Haymitchsendsthemaparcelofthestew.Thespecificflavorsofthestewarenotdescribed.Allthatisknownisthatitcontainslambanddriedplumsandissometimesservedoverwildrice,acombinationthatKatnissfinds“perfect.”Nottotootmyownhorn(toot!toot!),butmyversionisabsolutelydeliciousandistheperfectmealafteralongdayofterrorandfightingforyourlife.

SERVES5–6

4–6tablespoonsoliveoil3pounds(1.4kg)bone-inlamb2onions,chopped5clovesgarlic,sliced6carrots,roughlychopped6stalkscelery,roughlychopped

11/2cupswholedriedplums28-ounce(800g)canwholepeeledtomatoes,halved1cup(240ml)drywhitewine1cup(240ml)beefstock1tablespoonfreshchoppedthyme2tablespoonsgroundcumin2tablespoonspaprikaSaltandpepper,totasteCayenne,totastePistachionuts,togarnish(optional)Cookedwildrice,toserve(optional)

1Heat2–3tablespoonsoftheoliveoilinapanoverahighheatandsearthelambuntilitgetsagoodcoloranddoesn’tburn.

2Sautétheonionsandgarlicintheremainingoliveoiloveramedium-highheatuntiltheonionsbecometranslucentandsoft.Thenaddthechoppedcarrotsandceleryandsautéforanother7minutes,oruntilthevegetablesbegintosoften.

3AddalltheremainingingredientsexceptthepistachiosandwildricetoasouppotorDutchovenandstirtogether,makingsureeverythingisevenlyincorporated.

4Simmerforatleast2hours,oruntilthelambistenderandfallingoffthebone.Youwillneedtoperiodicallycheckonit,stir,taste,andadjustthe

bone.Youwillneedtoperiodicallycheckonit,stir,taste,andadjustthespices,ifnecessary.

5Whendone,removethebonesfromthestewanddiscard.Breakupthepiecesoflambwithaspoon.

6Serveoverabedofcookedwildrice.

INSPIREDBYASONGOFICEANDFIRE

BOWLO’BROWN

Therearemany,manymouthwateringdescriptionsoffoodinGeorgeR.R.Martin’sepictale,andonemightwonderwhyIchosethequestionableback-alleyconcoctionofKing’sLanding’spoorestfolk(thatphraseworkstwoways!)toputinthiscollection.I’mnotsurewhy,butIthinkmostwouldagreethatit’soneofthemorememorabledishesintheseries.Itmightbethemysteryofwhat’sinside,whichfrequentlyincludesrats,pigeons,andpossibly,insomeofthemoredubiouspotshops,averyunfortunateperson.Ofcourse,therearealsoturnips,barley,carrots,andotherhumblevegetables.AryaStarkwaspronetowolfingdown(punnotintended,butI’mhappywithit)aniceBowlo’BrownduringhertimeasastreeturchininKing’sLanding.

Thisrecipeisdefinitelyflexible;prettymuchanythingcanbeaddedtoit.Irecommendchoosingatleastthreedifferentkindsofcheapmeatthatyou’renotentirelycomfortablewith,becausewhat’saASoIaF/GameofThronesrecipe

withoutalittlediscomfort?Iusedchickenlegs,porkchumpend,andoxtailanditturnedoutprettyfantastic.Ofcourse,nomeatisturneddown,soifthatonepersonthatdrivesyouupthewallweretosuddenlydisappear…*

*Don’tkillpeople;leavetheassassinationtoArya.

SERVES5–6

2pounds(900g)meat(s)ofyourchoice(preferablycheapercutswithbones)Saltandpepperoranyseasoningsofyourchoice,totaste6tablespoonsbutter,divided

11/2largeyellowonions,peeledandchopped6clovesgarlic,chopped6mediummushrooms,sliced2turnips,peeledandchopped1largepotato,peeledandchopped2mediumcarrots,chopped32ouncesor1quart(950ml)beefbroth16ouncesor2cups(475ml)ale1/4cup(60ml)Worcestershiresauce1/2cup(100g)uncookedpearlbarley1bayleaf2tablespoonsflour

1Seasonthemeatwithsaltandpepperandbrownin3tablespoonsofthebutter.Addthebrownedmeattoaslowcooker.

2Inthesamepaninwhichyoubrownedthemeat,addtherestofthebutter,onions,andgarlicandsautéuntiltheonionsstarttosoftenandturntranslucent.

3Addthemushroomsandcontinuetosautéforacoupleminutes.

4Finally,addtheturnips,potato,andcarrots,andsautéfor5minutes.

5Addthesautéedveggiestotheslowcooker,thenaddthebeefbroth,ale,Worcestershiresauce,barley,bayleaf,saltandpepper,andanyotherseasoningsyouwanttouse.

6Cookforatleast4hoursonahighheatsettingonaslowcooker.

7Sprinkleabitofflourintothesoupandstirin—thiswillhelpthickenit—graduallyaddingmoreuntilyougetthedesiredthickness.

8Adjusttheheattolowandcookforacouplemorehours,oruntilthemeatistender.Itgetsbetterthelongeritstews!

INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA

ELIXIRSOUP

ELIXIRSOUP

YoucanprobablyseethatIlikeZeldaalot,asithasinspiredmanyoftherecipesinthisbook.Sofar,ElixirSouphasonlyappearedinoneZeldagame,TheWindwaker.TheWindwakerisabitofanunderdogintheseriesbecauseitisstylisticallysimpleincomparisontothecriticallyacclaimedandmuch-belovedOcarinaofTime.

Linkreceivesthissoupfromhisadorablegrandmotherafterhealingherillnesswithacapturedfairy.Thesoupisbrightyellowandisdescribedasbothhealthyandhearty—itfullyreplenishesLink’slifeandmagicbaranddoubleshisattackpower!Icanseewhyit’shisfavorite.Andunlikeotherpotionsinthegame,Linksmileswhenhedrinksthis.

SERVES5–7

6tablespoonsbutter1yellowonion,chopped3clovesgarlic,minced1pound(450g)yellowsquash,chopped2carrots,chopped1/4cup(40g)cauliflower,chopped2turnips,peeledandchopped4tablespoonslemonjuice1yellowchili,seededandchopped(optional)32ouncesor4cups(950ml)chickenorveggiestock,dividedSaltandpepper,totasteChivesorgreenonions,finelychoppedYellowfoodcoloring(optional)

1Meltthebutterinalargepotovermedium-lowheatandcooktheyellowonionandgarlicuntilsoftened,around8–10minutes.

2Addthesquash,carrots,cauliflower,turnips,lemonjuice,chili(ifusing),andhalfofthebrothandbringtoaboil.

3Reducetheheat,thensimmeruntilthevegetablesareverytender,about20minutes.

4Removefromtheheatandletcoolforabout10minutes,oruntilthesoupwon’tburnyou.

5Puréethesoupinablenderorfoodprocessoruntilsmooth(becarefulwithhotliquids)andtransfertoasaucepanorpot.

6Seasonwithsaltandpepper.

6Seasonwithsaltandpepper.

7Simmeronlowuntilreadytoserve,addingmorebrothuntilthesoupreachesthedesiredconsistency.Addafewdropsofthefoodcoloring,ifdesired.

8Transfertoyourservingvessel(preferablyacorkedglassbottle)andsprinklethechoppedchivesorgreenonionsonthesurfaceofthesouptogarnish.Drinkitwithasmile!

INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA

YETO’SSUPERBSOUP

Asmentionedintheforeword,thiswastherecipethatinspiredmetocreateGeekyChef,soitholdsaverydearplaceinmyheartandstomach.

InTwilightPrincess,LinkistoldthatamonsterhasbeenseenaroundZora’sdomainandseemstohaveanaffinityforreekfish,whichisasortofred-coloredfishknownforitspungentsmell.Youtrackdownthemonsterbyfollowingthescentofthereekfishintothesnowymountains.Uponfindingthe“monster,”youdiscoverthatheisayetinamedYetowholivesintheSnowpeakRuinswithhiswife.TheYeti’swife(Yeta)hasfallenillandthereekfishisneededtogointhesoupthatwillmakeherfeelbetter.WhenyouarriveintheruinsYetopreparesthesoup’sreekfishbase,buthewantstoaddmoreingredientstomakethesoupevenbetter.Sohesendsyouofftoperilouslyretrieveapumpkinandsomegoatcheesefromadifferentareaoftheruins.There’sjustsomethingaboutcomingbacktothewarmkitchenoftheicyabandonedruinswhereYetoisbrewingagiantcauldronofsoupthat’sverycomforting.

ThisrecipeisprettysimplebecauseIwantedthethreemainingredientstoshine;everythingelseisjusttheretocomplementandenhance.I’vereviseditslightlyfromtheversionthatisontheblog,butnotmuch.Thisistrulyoneofmyfavoritesoups,andIhopeyouguysenjoyitasmuchasIdo!

SERVES8–10

2pounds(900g)kabochaorpumpkin,seeded,peeled,anddiced1mediumwhiteonion,chopped5clovesgarlic,cutintoquarters1/4cup(50ml)oliveoil41/2cups(1L)fish,chicken,orvegetablestock,divided1–2salmonfilletsSaltandpepper,totaste1/2cup(75g)goatcheeseAbout1cup(240ml)creamFreshbasilleaves,totaste

1Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).

2Tossthepumpkin,onion,andgarlicinabowlwithabitofoliveoiluntiltheyareallcoated.

3Roastthevegetablesintheovenonabakingsheetuntiltheyaretender,about45minutes,andhavenicebrownededges.Transfertoasouppotovermediumheat.

4Add33/4cups(890ml)ofstocktothepotandsimmerforupto45minutes,oruntilallthevegetablesarefullycooked.

5Meanwhile,seasonthesalmonfilletswithalittlesaltandpepperandpan-fryuntilcookedthrough.Setaside.

6Transferthesouptoafoodprocessorandblenduntilsmooth—youmayneedtodothisinbatchesdependingonthesizeofyourfoodprocessor.

7Blendinsmallamountsofthegoatcheesealongwiththecream.Addtheremainingstocktothesoupuntilitreachesyourpreferredthickness.

8Flakethecookedsalmonandaddtosoup.

9Tearinafewbasilleaves,tasteforflavor,andaddsaltandpepperifneeded.

INSPIREDBYSTARTREK

PLOMEEKSOUP

ThisisadishthathasappearedthroughoutmostoftheStarTrekseries,datingallthewaybacktoTOS.ItisatraditionalbreakfastdishoftheVulcans,alsocalledPlomeekBroth.Intheoriginalseries,ChristineChapelservesthesouptoSpockduringhisPonFarr(sortoflikeVulcanmatingseason—Vulcansbecomealittlepsychoticduringthistime),andSpockthrowsthebowlather.ThereweremanyreferencesandappearancesontheEnterpriseasthesoupseemedtobeafavoriteofT’Pol.

Vulcans(unlikeusillogicalhumans)eatforpracticalpurposesonly,notforpleasure,somostoftheirfoodisconsideredprettyblandandboringbyhumanstandards.Vulcansarealsoveganbynaturesotheirfooddoesnotcontainanyanimalproducts.Plomeeksoupisnodifferentinthoseregards;however,thesoupcanbespicedupabit.OnDS9,Bashirordersitwitha“touchofbasil,”andonVoyager,NeelixmakesaversionthatTuvokfindstobe“toospicy.”The

soupdoesn’tseemtohaveastandardcolororconsistency,asitappearstolookdifferenteachtimeitisshown,makingitlogicaltoassumethatthedishisflexible.Ihavemadeavegansoupthatissimpletastingandnutritious(thoughprobablyalittle“spicy”byVulcanstandards),servedwithjustatouchofbasil.Eatthisandyouwilldefinitelylivelongand(maybe)prosper.

SERVES8–10

2tablespoonsoliveoil1leek,chopped4tablespoonsgarlic,minced1mediumcarrot,peeledandchopped1/2cup(38g)limabeans1/2cup(75g)cauliflowerflorets,chopped1cup(150g)peas64ouncesor2quarts(1.8L)vegetablestock3mediumtomatoes,chopped1cup(175g)cornkernelsSaltandpepper,totaste2tablespoonsfreshparsley,chopped5basilleaves,slicedintostrips2teaspoonslemonjuice

1Heattheoliveoilinalargestockpotonmediumheat.

2Addtheleekandgarlicandcookuntiltheleekbeginstosoften.

3Addthecarrots,limabeans,cauliflower,andpeasandcookforabout5moreminutes,stirringoccasionally.

4Increasetheheattohighandaddthestock.Bringtoasimmer.

5Onceit’ssimmering,addthetomatoesandcorn.

6Bringheattolowandcookwithpotcovereduntilthevegetablesaretenderenoughtopierceeasilywithafork,about30minutes.Don’tovercook.

7Atthispoint,addthesaltandpepper.

8Removefromtheheatandblendtogetherinafoodprocessor—it’salotofsoupsoyoumightneedtodoitinbatches.

9Addtheparsley,basil,andlemonjuicerightbeforeserving.

INSPIREDBYWORLDOFWARCRAFT

DRAGONBREATHCHILI

IhadtoincludesomethingfromthestillundefeatedchampionofMMORPGs,WorldofWarcraft.WoWistheMMOversionofBlizzard’s1994hitgameWarcraft.Atthepeakofitspopularity,thegamehadovertenmillionsubscribersworldwide.ImyselfhavespentagooddealofmylifeinAzerothandIdon’tregretit.Thoughthegamehasareputationforbeingaddictiveandisolating,WoWhasbeenanimportantplaceforgeekseverywheretogatherandbuildadiverseandvibrantcommunity.Spend,like,tenminutesinBarrenschatandyou’llseewhatImean.

Asplayersknow,therearehundredsoffooditemsinWorldofWarcraft.ThereasonIchoseDragonbreathChiliisbecauseithasoneofthemostdramaticfoodeffectsinthegame.Also,chiliisagreatfoodtoeatwhileplayingWoWbecauseit’seasytoreheat,it’sversatile,it’snutritious,andyourkeyboardwon’tgetallgreasy—plus,it’seasytoreheat.Iknowpizzatendstobethegamingfoodofchoice,butI’mtellingyou,chiliiswhereit’sat.Thisrecipeisa

modifiedversionofmyfavoritegamingchili,madesohotyou’llbebreathingfire.Thesecretingredientiscoffee,whichIknowsoundskindaweird,butitaddsagreatdepthofflavorand,ofcourse,caffeine.Beforeyoudoyourdailies,prepthechiliandletitrollwhileyouquest—anhourortwolater,you’llhavesomedeliciousfueltogetyouthroughthegrind.Ispeakfromexperience.

SERVES8–12

1yellowonion,finelychoppedButteroroil,forfrying1–2habenerochilies,seededandfinelychopped1–2Jalapeños,seededandfinelychopped1poblanochili,seededandchopped1redbellpepper,seededandchopped6clovesgarlic,minced

21/2pounds(1.1kg)groundmysterymeat(yourchoice)3/4cup(180ml)spicyV8juice1/2cup(120ml)strongbrewedcoffee2×15.5-ounce(439g)cansredkidneybeans,drained2×14.5-ounce(411g)cansdicedtomatoes

8-ounce(227g)cantomatosauce4tablespoonschilipowder4tablespoonsgroundcumin2tablespoonsonionpowder1tablespoonsmokedpaprikaSaltandpepper,totaste

1Sautétheonioninsomebutteroroiloveramedium-highheatforabout2minutes.Addthechiliesandredpepperandsautéforanother2minutes.Addthegarlicandcontinuetocookuntileverythingislightlycaramelized,about5minutes.

2Inaseparatepan,brownthegroundmysterymeat.Trynottobreakituptoomuchwhilebrowningifyouwantbiggerpiecesofmeatinthechili.Afterit’sdonebrowning,draintheexcessfat,ifnecessary.

3Addthemeattotheonionsandpeppersandmixtogether.

4TransfereverythingtoastockpotorDutchovenwithalltheremainingingredientsandstirtogetheroverahighheatfor5minutes,oruntilitstartstobubble.

5Reducetheheattolowandsimmerthechili,uncovered,foraround2hours.Stirandtasteperiodicallytoseeifyouwanttoaddmorespices.Chilitendstoburnandhardenonthebaseofthepot,soit’sgoodtoscrapethebottomwithawoodenspoonoccasionally.

6Servewithyourfavoritechilifixin’s.

ENTRÉESAdventureTime:BACONPANCAKES

TheAvengers:SHAWARMADeadlyPremonition:SINNER’SSANDWICH

Defiance:BULGARASHKHANStarTrek:HASPERAT

TheLegendofZelda:ROCKSIRLOINPulpFiction:BIGKAHUNABURGER

Redwall:DEEPER’N’EVERPIEStarTrek:GAGH

INSPIREDBYADVENTURETIME

BACONPANCAKES

AdventureTimeisananimatedseriesonCartoonNetworkthatfollowsJaketheDogandFinntheHumanintheirwackyadventuresinthelandofOoo.Itbeganasananimatedshortthatwentviralandeventuallybecameitsownseries.AdventureTimemakesfrequentreferencestovideogames,epicfantasies,andothergeekystuff.Thoughthetargetaudienceisprimarilychildren,AdventureTimeappealstochildrenandadultsalike…especiallyadultswhofeelliketheyarejustreallytallkids.

Oneofthemanyfunanduniquethingsabouttheshowisthemusic.Thisparticulargemofarecipecomesfromalittledittycalled,yep,youguessedit,“BaconPancakes,”writtenbyRebeccaSugar.ItissungbyJaketheDogduringtheepisode“BurningLow”ashemakesbreakfast.Theconceptofbaconpancakesisprettysimple:youtakesomebaconandputitinapancake,andthentopthecakesoffwithsomemaplesyrupforabreakfastthatistrulymathematical!

MAKES10PANCAKES

10stripsofbacon,frieduntilcrispy1cup(120g)flour2tablespoonssugar1teaspoonbakingpowderPinchofbakingsoda2tablespoonsbutter,melted,plusextraforfrying3/4cup(180g)buttermilk1eggPinchofsaltMaplesyrup,toserve

1Combinetheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,andbakingsodainamixingbowl.

2Inaseparatebowl,whisktogetherthebutterandbuttermilk,thenwhiskintheegg.

3Tiptheflourmixtureintothebuttermilkmixtureandwhisktogetheruntilitislump-free.

4Preparealargeskilletbymeltingsomebuttertopreventthebatterfromsticking,thenaddasmanybaconstripsasyoucanputintheskilletwithenoughdistancebetweeneachonetoaddthepancakebatter.Youwillprobablyhavetodothisinbatches.

5Pourthepancakebatterdownthelengthofeachbaconstripuntilitiscovered.Makesurethebatteraroundonebaconstripdoesnottouchthebattercoveringaneighboringstripofbacon—youwantthemtobeindividualpancakesandrectangular-ish.

pancakesandrectangular-ish.

6Cookuntilthepancakebatterstartstobubbleonthesurface,thenflipthemoverandbrowntheotherside.Repeatuntiltherearenomoreslicesofbacon.Drizzlewithmaplesyrupandserve.Defiance.

INSPIREDBYTHEAVENGERS

SHAWARMA

Thisoneappearedinthe2012filmversionofMarvel’sbelovedcomicseriesTheAvengers.It’snosecretthatIloveJossWhedon,becauseIfrequentlyremindpeopleofthisfact.TheShawarmajokeactuallyhasanawesomedouble-geekmeaning.AttheendofNicholasBrenden’sauditionfortheroleofXanderinBuffytheVampireSlayer,heaskedeverybodyoutforShawarma.JossWhedonfoundithilariousandthegesturemayhaveultimatelylandedhimtherole.Overadecadelater,TonyStarkcasuallyinvitestherestoftheAvengersoutforShawarmaaftersavingNewYorkfromanextra-terrestrialinvasion.Afterthefilm’scredits,youcanseetheexhaustedAvengersquietlyenjoyingaShawarmatogetherinalocalNewYorkjoint.

AfterwatchingTheAvengers,IwentoutandtriedsomeShawarmafromalocaleateryandwasmuchdelighted.ShawarmaisanArabicmeatpreparation,involvingroastingmeatsonaverticalspitforhours.Shavingsofthemeatarecutandstuffedintoapocketofpitabreadwithvariousveggiesandsauces.Despitenothavingaccesstoaspitathome,thereareafewwaysofmakingadecenthomemadeShawarma.Soonyou’llbechowingdownonsomejustlike

ThorinTheAvengers.Seriously,watchitagain.Heislovingit.

SERVES4–6

Forthechicken1pound(450g)bonelessskinlesschickenbreast1pound(450g)bonelessskinlesschickenthighs1/4cup(60ml)oliveoil6clovesgarlic,minced2teaspoonsgroundcumin1teaspooncurrypowder1teaspoonpaprika1teaspoonturmeric1teaspoonallspicePinchofcayennepepperSaltandpepper,totaste

Forthesauce3/4cup(175g)plainGreekyogurt1/2cup(120g)tahini4tablespoonslemonjuice2clovesgarlic,minced2greenonions,finelychopped2teaspoonsgroundcuminSaltandpepper,totaste1–2tablespoonsoliveoil,forfrying

Forthepita4largepitasor8smallpitasRedonions,thinlysliced,totasteTomatoes,thinlysliced,totasteCucumber,thinlysliced,totaste

1Slicethechickenbreastsandthighsinto2-inch-(5cm)thickstripsandputinamixingbowl.Addtheoliveoilandalloftheremainingchickeningredientsandcombine,makingsurethechickenpiecesareevenlycoatedwithoilandspices.

2Transferthecoatedchickentoazip-topplasticbagandleavetomarinateinthefridgeforaslongaspossible—preferablyovernight,butforatleast2hours.

3Preheatyourovento400°F(200°C).Placethechickenonanaluminumfoil–linedbakingsheetandroastforabout15minutes,turningthepiecesoverhalfwaythroughthecookingtime.

4Removethechickenfromtheovenandletitrestforafewminutes.Meanwhile,makethesaucebythoroughlycombiningallofthesauceingredients.Setaside.

5Thinlyslicethecookedchicken.

6Heattheoliveoilinalargesautépan,addtheslicedchicken,andsautéuntilitturnsbrownandcrispontheedges.Besurenottoovercrowdthepan—youmayhavetodothisinbatches.Youcanaddsomeadditionalspices(fromthechickensection)atthispointifyoulikethingsspicier.

7Timetoassemblethepita!Ifdesired,grillyourpitaslightlyforaboutaminuteoneachside.Openthepitaandevenlyspreadthesauceinside,thenfillthepocketwiththechicken,onions,tomatoes,andcucumbertoyourpersonalpreferences.Enjoy!

INSPIREDBYDEADLYPREMONITION

SINNER’SSANDWICH

DeadlyPremonitionisdefinitelyauniqueexperience.There’salotofdepthandvarietytothisvideogame,buttherearealsoalotofthingsthatdon’tmakesense.Thelatteraddstothecharmforfansofthegame…andalienatesagoodamountofotherpeople.It’sbeendescribedasagoodbadgame,andIthinkthatsumsitupprettywell.

ThissandwichappearsinanoptionalcutsceneintheA&GDiner,whereinHarryStewartstopsbytoorderitwhileYork(theprotagonistofthegame)andEmilyarehavinglunch.YorkoriginallythinksMr.Stewartiseatingthisbizarresandwichtopunishhimself,but,usingrhymesandthefrequentrepeatingof“sosaysMr.Stewart,”Yorkispersuadedtogiveitatry.Surprisingly,ormaybeunsurprisingly,Yorklovesit.

EatingthissandwichisactuallyalotlikeplayingDeadlyPremonitioninthatyoufeellikeyoushouldn’tlikeitbecauseitdoesn’tmakeanysense,butyoukindadoanywaybecauseit’sstrangelyaddictive.TheflavorcombinationissimilartotheiconicThanksgivingsandwich—similarinmuchthesamewayDeadlyPremonitionissimilartoTwinPeaks—yetit’ssomehowevenmorebizarre.Irecommendaddingabitofheatforsomeextrapunishment.Thatseemslikeagoodidea,doesn’tit,Zach?Mycoffeesaysso.

MAKES1SANDWICH

Spicychipotlesandwichspreadorspicymayo(optional)2sliceswhitebread1/8poundor2ounces(50g)cookedturkeyslicesArugula,totaste1–2slicespepperjackcheese1tablespoonstrawberryjam1/4cup(7g)Chexcereal

1Smearthespicysandwichspreadofyourchoiceontooneoftheslicesofwhitebread.

2Topthespreadwiththeturkeyslices.

3Scatterthearugulaovertheturkey.

4Placethecheeseontopofthearugula.

5Ontheothersliceofbread,spreadthestrawberryjam.

6PresstheChexontopofthejam.

7Atthispoint,youcanchoosewhethertoeatthesandwichwiththecerealandjamontopasitappearsinmostofthecutscenes,oryoucanfacethatpiecedownandenjoyithowitappearswhenYorkactuallyeatsit.

downandenjoyithowitappearswhenYorkactuallyeatsit.

8Atoneforyoursins.

INSPIREDBYDEFIANCE

BULGARASHKHAN

DefianceisashowontheSyfynetworkwithacorrespondingMMORPG.IttakesplacearoundthirtyyearsinthefutureafterabunchofalienraceshavearrivedonEarthandterraformedtheentireplanet.ThestoryfollowsthehumansandalienscoexistinginatowncalledDefiance,formerlySt.Louis,Missouri.DefianceexistsindependentlyoftheEarthRepublic,whichcontrolsthemajorityofwhatwasonceNorthAmerica.Becausethetowndoesnotexcludeanytype,itisameltingpotofalienraces,whoallbringtheirownculturalinfluences,includingfood.

BulgarAshkhanisatraditionaldishoftheCastithanrace—aracewhoarepaleandnicetolookatbuthaveatendencytobearrogantandself-serving.Thedishisseenintheseason1episode“BrothersinArms”whenitispreparedforalienmobbossandquasi-villainDatakTar.Itlookslikepinkoatmealbutisclearlysavory,giventheidentifiableingredientsshownonthepreparationtable:redchili,bellpepper,andspices.WhenIfirstheardthecharacterssay“BulgarAshkhan,”Ithoughttheywerereferringtoactualbulgur(thewheat),soIhaveincludedthatintheingredientsandmadeasortofspicypinkcurry.Noshtako,itisdelicious!

SERVES5–6

1redonion,chopped3clovesgarlic,mincedButteroroil,forsautéing1largeredbellpepper,seededandchopped1–2redchilies,seededandchopped1pound(450g)groundpow(pork)10freshbasilleaves,whole2tablespoonsfishsauce1cup(180g)bulgur,cookedanddrained2tablespoonsredcurrypaste

11/2cups(355ml)coconutmilkBeetjuiceorpinkfoodcoloring(forcolor)

1Inalargepan,sautétheonionandgarlicinoilorbutterovermedium-highheatuntiltheonionsaretranslucent.

heatuntiltheonionsaretranslucent.

2Addthebellpepperandchiliandsautéfor5moreminutes.

3Addthegroundpork,basil,andfishsaucetotheveggiesandstirtocombine,breakingupthepork.Cookuntilthemeatisnolongerpink.

4Tipthecookedbulgurintotheporkmixtureandcombinethoroughly,continuingtosautéonmedium–lowheat.

5Stirintheredcurrypaste—itshouldevenlycoateverythinginthepan—thenaddthecoconutmilkandstirsomemore.

6Letsimmer,uncovered,forabout10minutes.Addthebeetjuiceorfoodcoloringrightbeforeyou’replanningtoserveandstirtomakesurethecolorisevenlydispersed.

INSPIREDBYSTARTREK

HASPERAT

HasperathasappearedinthreeStarTrekseries:Voyager,TNG,andmostofteninDS9.It’satraditionalBajorandish,madefromabrinethatisknownforbeingspicyenoughtomakeone’seyeswaterandfigurativelysetthemouthonfire.Ifelttheneedtoclarify“figuratively”becausethisisStarTrekwe’retalkingabout—anythingcananddoeshappen.Hasperatismentioned(andeaten)prettyofteninDeepSpace9,asthisparticularseriestakesplaceinBajoranterritory.ItisalsoafavoriteofTNG’sEnsignRo,whosefathermadeanespeciallystrongHasperat.

Hasperatgenerallyappearsasawraporburritoandiseatenwiththehands.So,thisrecipeisforagrilledwrapwithhotpickledveggies(forthebrinedelement)andhotsauce,complementedbycheese,avocado,andonions.Itwillmakeyoureyeswaterandwilldefinitelysearyourtongue,butitwillbesotasty,you’llhappilyendurethepain.Thismakesforawonderfullightlunchoranon-the-gomealtotaketotheholodeckoronanawaymissionoutsideyourhomeafterwatchingStarTrekallday.

MAKES2HASPERAT

2largetortillas1/2cupor4ounces(115g)creamcheeseHotsauce(totaste)

1/2cupor2ounces(55g)shreddedMontereyJackcheese1/4avocado,peeled,destonedandthinlysliced1/2redonion,chopped1/2cup(70g)hotpickledvegetables,chopped1/4cup(15g)spinachorarugulaleaves

1Zap(orphaser)yourtortillasinthemicrowaveonhighcoveredwithadamppieceofpapertowelforafewsecondssotheyarepliable.

2Inasmallbowl,mixthecreamcheesewiththedesiredamountofhotsauce.Spreadthismixtureonyourtortillas,makingsuretocompletelycoverthem—thisiswhat’sgoingtoholdthewraptogether.

3Layerthecheeseontop,thentopwiththeavocado,onion,spinachorarugula,andhotpickledvegetables.

4Rollupthetortillastightlyandtuckintheends.Ifyouwish,youcanlightlygrillthemoneachsideforafewminutes.

5Cuteachwrapinhalfdiagonallyandserve.

INSPIREDBYTHELEGENDOFZELDA

ROCKSIRLOIN

RockSirloinorSirloinRockshasbeenmentionedorappearedinthreeZeldagames:OoT,MM,andTP.Itisa“food”itemeatenonlybytheGoronrace,whosedietconsistssolelyofrocks.TheRockSirloinissortoflikethelobsterofGoroncuisine:it’sfancy.It’sonlyfoundinDondongo’sCavern,makingitarareandsomewhatdangerousdelicacy.InMajora’sMask,gettingaRockSirloinisnecessarytoobtainoneofthegame’smanymasks.

RockSirloinappearsasrocksintheshapeofacutofmeatthatonlyseemstoexistinJapanesecartoons.IimaginethatGoron’sRockSirloiniscrunchyontheoutsideandfilledwithtenderearthy/meatyflavorontheinside.So,ImadeasimplifiedbutincrediblytastyversionofabeefWellington,whichistenderbeefcoatedwithduxellesandwrappedinacrispy,butterypuffpastry,whichjustsohappenstolooklikearockwhencooked.Theflavorisbothearthyandrich.Drawyourselfabath,putonSaria’sSong,andpretendyou’reaGoronluxuriatinginahotspringwhileeatingadeliciousRockSirloin.

SERVES1–212mediummushrooms

12mediummushrooms4shallots,peeledanddicedFreshthyme,totaste,chopped3tablespoonsbutter,dividedSaltandpepper,totaste1/4cup(60ml)sherry6ounces(170g)high-qualitysteak,cutintotwopieces1sheetready-madepuffpastry,thawed2–3slicesprosciutto

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).

2Finelymincethemushroomsinafoodprocessor.

3Cookthemushrooms,shallots,andthymein1tablespoonofbutterwiththesaltandpepperuntiltheybegintobrown.

4Addanothertablespoonofbutterand,whenmelted,addthesherry.Sautéuntilalltheliquidisabsorbed,thenremovefromheatandsetasidetocool.

5Wrapeachpieceofsteakintwinetomakearoundshape.Seasonwithsaltandpepper.

6Inahotpanoverhighheat,brownbothpiecesofsteakin1tablespoonofbutterfor1–11/2minutesoneachside.Whendone,removethetwineandletthemeatrest.

7Unrollthepuffpastrysheetandlayerontheprosciutto,thenthemushroommixture.

8Inthecenterofthepastrysheet,placebothpiecesofmeat,sidebyside.

9Foldthepastryoverthemeattocreateafigureeightorinfinity-typeshape.Cutoffanyexcessdough.

10Bakeonaparchment-linedcookiesheetfor15–20minutes,oruntilthepastryisaflakygoldenbrown.

11Removefromtheovenandskewereitherendwithcornskewers.Enjoy!

INSPIREDBYPULPFICTION

BIGKAHUNABURGER

QuentinTarantino’sfilmsarenoteveryone’scupofhomicidaltea,buttheyhaveastrongcultfollowingandarewidelyacknowledgedfortheirmemorablecharacters,excellentdialogue,andwell-choreographedviolence.Personally,Iamahugefan.ThefictionalburgerjointBigKahunaBurgerismentionedinseveralofQuentinTarantino’sfilms,butthemostmemorablereferenceoccursintheclassicPulpFiction,intheinfamousscenewhenJulesandVincentbustinontheunfortunatefolkswhowrongedMarcellusWallaceandproceedtoeattheirburgersandshootuptheplace.

So,BigKahunaBurgerisclearlyaHA-waiian-themedburgerjoint,butwhatJulesappearstobeeatinginthesceneisatypicalfast-foodburger.IwantedtoreconcilethosetwothingssothattheburgerwouldtasteHawaiianbutlooklikethegenericburgerinthescene.Ifigured,intruefast-foodtradition,toputthedifferentiatingelementinthepattyitself.Thepattiesaremadewithpineappleandbaconmixedintothebeefandcoatedinteriyakisauce.Makesuretoeatthembeforeeleveninthemorningbecausehamburgersare,intheimmortal

thembeforeeleveninthemorningbecausehamburgersare,intheimmortalwordsofJules,thecornerstoneofanynutritiousbreakfast.

MAKES6–8BURGERS

1pound(450g)groundbeef10slicesbacon,cookedcrispyandcrumbled1/2redonion,minced1egg20-ounce(567g)cancrushedpineapple,thoroughlydrained2tablespoonsbreadcrumbsSaltandpepper,totasteTeriyakiglaze,tocoat6–8plainhamburgerbuns6–8slicescheddarcheeseExcessiveketchupPickles,tomato,onion,andmayo,toserve(optional)6–8leavesiceberglettuce(optional)

1Heatagrilltomedium.Youcanalsouseafryingpanovermedium-highheat.

2Inamixingbowl,combinethegroundbeef,bacon,onion,egg,crushedpineapple,breadcrumbs,andsaltandpepper.

3Form6–8meatpattiesfromthemixture—theirsizewilldependonhowlargethebunsare.

4Coateachpattywithteriyakiglaze.

5Grillorfrythepattiesonbothsidestothedesireddoneness.

6Whilethepattiesarecooking,toastthebuns.

7Whenthepattiesaredone,glazeeachoneagainwithmoreteriyaki,thentopwithasliceofcheese.

8Spreadsomeketchupoverthecheeseandplacethepattiesonthebottombun.Loadupwithanyadditionalburgertoppingsyouwanttouse,thenfinishwithsomelettuceleaves.Closeeachburgerwiththetopbunandpressdown.

9Usetheburgerasaneffectiveintimidationtechniquebecauseyouarebad…andwashdownwithatastybeverage—likeSprite!

INSPIREDBYREDWALL

DEEPER’N’EVERPIE

Redwallisoneofthoseseriesthat’sjustfilledwithbeautifuldescriptionsoffood.Candiedchestnuts,dandelioncordials,honey-coveredhotcakes,shrimpgarnishedwithcreamandroseleaves…Icouldn’tpossiblycoverallofit.FormorescrumptiousRedwallrecipesfromtheauthorhimself,BrianJacques,IrecommendalsoaddingTheOfficialRedwallCookbooktoyournerdycookbookcollection.

Deeper’n’EverPie’sfulltitleisDeeper’n’EverTurnip’n’Tater’n’BeetrootPie.So,forsomecontext,thecharactersintheRedwallseriesareallanthropomorphicanimals(primarilywoodlandcreatures)withcultures,dialects,anddispositionsthataredeterminedbyanimaltype.Thispieisthefavoritedishofthemoles,whounsurprisinglyenjoyrootvegetables.Iaddedcheeseandherbstomakeadeliciousandearthypiethatwillhopefullymakethemolessay,“Boi’eck,oiloikdispie,yeszurr!Quoitenoice,saysoi!”

MAKES2PIES

Forthecrust2cups(240g)all-purposeflour

2cups(240g)all-purposeflourPinchofsalt1/4cupor1/2stick(56g)butter,chilled1/2cup(120ml)icewater1/3poundor5ounces(140g)Gruyère,

grated1/3poundor5ounces(140g)smokedGouda,grated

Forthefilling1cup(235ml)milk2tablespoonsbutter4shallots,peeledandsliced4clovesgarlic,minced1tablespoonfreshthyme,chopped1tablespoonsmokedpaprika1tablespoonnutmegSaltandpepper,totaste1cup(225ml)sourcream

1largeturnip,boiled,peeled,andcutinto1/4-inch(6-mm)thickslices1goldenpotato,boiled,peeled,andcutinto1/4-inch(6-mm)thickslices1smallbeet,boiled,peeled,andcutinto1/4-inch(6-mm)thickslices1piecrustand1sheetofpiedoughforthelid

1/3poundor5ounces(140g)Gruyère,grated1/3poundor5ounces(140g)smokedGouda,grated

1Tomakethecrust,combinetheflourandsaltinalargemixingbowl.Cutthebutterintosmallpiecesandaddtotheflour.Usingyourfingers,pressthebutterintotheflouruntilitreachesacrumblytexture.Addtheicewater,alittleatatime,untilthedoughbindsandcanbeformedintoaball.Wrapinplasticwrapandrefrigerateforatleast2hours.

2Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).Rollthedoughouttofita9-inch(23cm)piepan.Placethecrustinthepanandcarefullyandevenlypressthedoughintoitsbottomandsides.Trimanyexcessdoughandsetaside.Sprinklealittleofbothcheesesintothecrusttojustcoverthebase.

3Tomakethefilling,addthemilk,butter,shallots,garlic,thyme,paprika,nutmeg,andsaltandpeppertoasmallpan.Simmeruntiltheshallotssoften.Removethemilkandshallotmixturefromtheheatandstirinthesourcream.

4Coverthecheesycrustwithalayerofbeets.Spoonsomeofthecreamyshallotsauceoverthebeetsandtopwithanotherlayerofcheese.Ontopofthecheese,addalayerofpotatoes.Coverthepotatoeswithalayerofcreamyshallotsauceandthenmorecheese.Addalayerofturnipsontopofthepotato/sauce/cheeselayersandcoverwithmoreshallotsauceandcheese.

5Rollouttheremainingdoughandcoverthepiefilling.Pressdownontheedgestoseal,thentrimtheexcessdough.

6Cutslitsinthecenterofthepieasvents.Bakeintheovenfor20minutes,oruntilthepiecrustisgoldenandflaky.

untilthepiecrustisgoldenandflaky.

INSPIREDBYSTARTREK

GAGH

Klingons:they’refearlesswarriorsbuttheyeatsomenastyfoodsbyhumanstandards.GaghisapopularKlingondishcomposedofserpentworms.ItismentionedinTNG,DS9,andENT.OneofmyfavoriteepisodesofTNGis“AMatterofHonor,”inwhichRikerparticipatesinanofficerexchangeprogramandbecomesactingcommanderofaKlingonvessel.Amanaftermyownheart,RikersamplessomeKlingoncuisineinordertopreparehimselfforthismonumentalresponsibility,includingwhatlookslikeagiantoctopus,somethingcalledPipiusClaw,and,ofcourse,Gagh.Laterintheepisode,whileeatingdinnerwiththemembersofhisKlingoncrew,RikerispressuredtoeatGaghhowitissupposedtobeeaten:aliveandwriggling.AfterbeingteasedalittlebytheKlingoncrewmembers,RikereatstheGaghwithoutflinching,which

impressestheKlingons.RikerhimselfisimpressedthatKlingonsareactuallycapableofhumor,havingonlyhadLieutenantWorfasanexampleofKlingonbehavior.Basically,everyonelearnsmoreabouteachotherandmuchbondingensues.DefinitelyinmytoptenTNGepisodes.

Gaghcomesindifferentvarietiesandlooksalittledifferenteachtimeitisdepicted.Itriedtoemulatetheversionfrom“AMatterofHonor”withsomedeliciousstir-friednoodles.Thebestpartaboutmakingthisdishiswatchingasthe“worms”squirmwhenyoucookthem.Thatmaysoundkindagross,butIassureyou,theyaredelicious.Still,ifKlingonfoodistoostrongforyou…

SERVES2–4

4clovesgarlic,minced6greenonions,finelychopped10thinslicesbacon4mediummushrooms,thinlysliced1cup(70g)shreddedcabbage1bouilloncube3cups(750ml)water4–6tablespoonssoysauceHotsauce(Iusedsriracha),totaste8ounces(225g)udonnoodles5ounces(140g)regularordriedspinachfettuccinenoodles4–5dropsredfoodcoloring(optional)Lemonjuice,totaste

1Onmedium-highheat,sautéthegarlic,onions,andbaconinalarge,deeppanforacoupleofminutes.Addthemushroomsandcabbageandsautéforacouplemoreminutes,combiningeverything.

2Crumbleinthebouilloncube,pourinthewater,andleteverythingsimmerfor5minutes.

3Addthesoyandhotsaucesandcook,stirring,foraboutaminute.

4Stirintheudonandfettuccinenoodlessothattheyseparateandmixinwiththeotheringredients.

5Addafewdropsofredfoodcoloring,ifyoulike,andstirtospreadevenly.

6Cookuntilmostoftheliquidisabsorbedandthenoodlesaresoft.

7Whenserving,squeezeabitoflemonjuiceoverthenoodles.

CAKESandCUPCAKESASongofIceandFire:LEMONCAKES

Portal:DELICIOUSMOISTCAKESilentHill:BUTTERCAKES

Bioshock:CREME-FILLEDCAKESTheElderScrolls:SWEETROLLHarryPotter:CAULDRONCAKES

Minecraft:CAKEBLOCKSuperMarioBros.:1UPMUSHROOMCUPCAKES

StarTrek:CELLULARPEPTIDECAKEWITHMINTFROSTING

INSPIREDBYASONGOFICEANDFIRE

LEMONCAKES

Oh,thefoodofASongofIceandFire.Forsomeonewhoclaimsnottobeagreatcook,GeorgeR.R.Martinsureknowshowtomakeupsomemouthwateringfoodstuffs.ThereisaninfiniteamountoffoodstochoosefrominASoIaF,enoughtofillanentirecookbookofitsown.Happily,thereisone!AFeastofIceandFirewouldlookprettygoodnexttothiscookbookonyournerdycookbookshelf.It’sdefinitelyonmine!Asgreatastheofficialcookbookis,Ihadtotrymyhandatafewrecipesmyself.

OneofthemorememorablesweettreatsinASoIaFisSansaStark’sfavorite

pastry:LemonCakes.LemonCakesarementionedfairlyofteninthebooks,butnotdescribedindetail.Myimpressionofthemisthattheyareasortofteatimetreatforyounglordsandladiestoenjoy.Ipicturedthembeingrusticinappearance(bymodernstandards;they’dbefancyinElizabethantimesandbyWesterosistandards)andhavingadense,moisttexturewithintenselemonflavor.Mycakesarejustthat,andbakedwithacandiedlemonsliceforgarnish.

MAKES20CAKES

2lemons,thinlyslicedandseeded1cup(240ml)water

21/2cups(500g)granulatedsugar,dividedButter,ornonstickspray,forgreasing

21/2cups(280g)flour1/2teaspoonbakingpowder1/2teaspoonbakingsoda1teaspoonsalt1cup(225g)butter,softened2eggs2tablespoonslemonzest3/4cup(175ml)freshlemonjuice,divided1cup(240g)buttermilk

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseamuffintin.

2Boilthelemonslicesforabout15minutesinthewaterand1cup(200g)ofthesugar.Drainandsetaside.

3Inamixingbowl,combinetheflour,bakingpowder,bakingsoda,andsalt.

4Inanotherbowl,beatthebutterand1cup(200g)ofsugaruntillightandfluffy.Beatintheeggs,thenstirinthelemonzestand2tablespoonsofthelemonjuice.

5Beatintheflourmixtureandthenthebuttermilk.

6Place1lemonsliceinthebottomofeachmuffincupandpourthebatterovertheslices,dividingthebatterevenlyamongthecups.

7Bakeuntilthecakesarefirmandgolden,about15–20minutes.Removefromtheovenandletcool.

8Mixtogethertheremaininglemonjuiceandsugar.Pokeholesintothecakes,thenslowlypourthelemonandsugarmixtureoverthecakessothejuiceisabsorbedintothecakes.Setasidefor5–10minutes.

9Removethecakesfromthetrayandservelemon-slicesideup!

INSPIREDBYPORTAL

DELICIOUSMOISTCAKE

DELICIOUSMOISTCAKE

IfellinlovewithPortalalittlelate.Irememberafriendtellingmeaboutit—somethingaboutshootingportalsatwalls?Ididn’treallygetit.WhenIfinallygavethegameashotafewyearslater,Ispentthewholenightplayingthroughandfinisheditintheweehoursofthemorning,andthenpromptlypassedout.InPortal,youfindyourselfinaresearchfacilitywithnoideahowyougotthere.YouaretoldbyGLaDOS(anartificialintelligencewithsomeemotionalissues)thatifyoucompleteaseriesoftests,youwillbegivencakeandgriefcounseling.Soonyoufindoutthatthecakeisalie.

So,thecake.Theinfamous,ever-popular,andoften-referencedcake.ThereisanEasteregginthegameitselfwhereyoucanfindarecipeforcakewritteninbinarycode,buttherecipeisonlyaningredientslistforplainchocolatecakeandlacksinstructions…thoughitdoeshavesomegreatsuggestionsforgarnishes.Accordingtothedevelopers,thedesignofthecake(whichyoudofinallyseeattheendinmostversionsofthegame)wasinspiredbyarealcakefromtheChinesebakeryneartheirplaceofwork,identifiedasaBlackForestcake.BlackForestcakeisakindofGermancakethathaschocolate,whippedcream,cherries,andacherry-flavoredliquorcalledkirschwasser.Ithasfourlayersandisfilledwithboozychocolatecherrygoodness.Bakethiscakeandthrowabigpartythatallyourfriendsareinvitedto!Don’tforgettoinviteyourweightedcompanioncube…Oh,wait…

SERVES8–10

ForthecakeButterornonstickspray,forgreasing

12/3cups(160g)flour1cup(125g)unsweetenedcocoapowder

11/2teaspoonsbakingsoda1teaspoonsalt1/2cup(100g)shortening11/2cups(300g)sugar2eggs1teaspoonvanillaextract

11/2cups(360g)buttermilk1/2cup(120ml)kirsch(cherryliqueur)

Forthefilling1/4cup(60ml)kirsch2×14.5-ounce(411g)cantartcherries3cups(700ml)heavywhippingcream1/4cup(25g)confectioners’sugar3tablespoonscocoapowder

Forthegarnish

Forthegarnish1semisweetchocolatebar,frozen8maraschinocherries,stemsremoved1whitecandle

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseandflourtwo8-inch(20cm)cakepans,orlinewithparchmentpaper.

2Combinetheflour,cocoa,bakingsoda,andthesaltinalargemixingbowl.Setaside.

3Beattheshorteningandsugartogetheruntilfluffy.Addtheeggsandvanillaandbeatthoroughly.

4Slowlybeattheflourmixtureintothesugarmixture,occasionallyalternatingwiththebuttermilk.Beatuntileverythingiscombined.

5Pourthebatterintothecakepansandbakefor35–40minutes,oruntilawoodenpickcomesoutcleanwheninsertedintothecenterofthecakes.Letthecakescoolcompletely—bykeepingtheminthefridgeforafewhours,theywillbeeasiertocut.

6Meanwhile,makethefilling.Drainthecannedcherriesinacolandertoremovemostofthejuice.

7Beatthewhippingcreamwiththeconfectioners’sugaruntilitthickenstothedesiredtexture.

8Setasideasmallamountofthewhippedcreammixturefordecoratingthecake.Mixthecocoapowderintotheremainingwhippedcreammixture.

9Afterthecakeshavecooled,cuteachcakeinhalfhorizontallytomakefourlayers.Sprinkleeachlayerwiththe1/2cup(120ml)ofkirsch.

10Placeonecakelayerontheservingdishyouwishtouse.Spreadaboutone-sixthofthewhippedcreamonthelayerandone-thirdofthecherriesontopofthewhippedcream.

11Placethesecondcakelayerontopofthefirst.Spreadone-sixthofthewhippedcreamonthesecondlayerandone-thirdofthecherriesontop.

12Addthethirdcakelayer.Spreadone-sixthofthewhippedcreamontopalongwiththeremainingcherries.

13Topwiththelastcakelayer.Frostthetopandsidesofthecakewiththeremainingwhippedcreamfrosting.

14Useavegetablepeelertocreatethinshavingsfromthechocolatebar.Gentlypattheshavingsontothesidesandtopofthecake,completelycoatingit.Use

pattheshavingsontothesidesandtopofthecake,completelycoatingit.Usegloves—meltingchocolatecangetmessy!

15Usethereservedwhippedcreamfrostingtodoteightsmallcirclesaroundthetopofthecake.Placeyournon-stemmedmaraschinocherriesoneachone.

16Placeawhitecandleinthecenterofthecakeandlightit.Congratulations,youhavemadethecakeareality!

INSPIREDBYSILENTHILL

BUTTERCAKES

IamahugefanofSilentHillandhavelonglamentedthatit’snotexactlyagreatenvironmentfornoms.Beingtrappedinaterrifyinghelldimensionofguiltandtorturedoesn’texactlymakeyouhungry,asHeatherpointsoutinSilentHill3.So,whenIdiscoveredthepresenceofthemysteriousButterCakes,Iwasecstatic.Apparently,there’sarunninggagamongSilentHillfanstotrytofindalltheboxes.Sofar,ButterCakeshavebeendiscoveredinthesecond,third,andfourthgames,whichjustsohappentobemyfavoritesintheseries.IknowthatnotalotofpeoplelikeSH4,butpersonally,Ithinkithasthescariestmonsterinanygameever—theonewiththebabyheadsthatpointsandwhispersatyou.Eeeeeeesh.

MAKES12CAKES

ForthecakesButterornonstickspray,forgreasing1/2cupor1stick(112g)unsaltedbutter,softened1cup(200g)sugar2eggs,divided

2eggs,divided1teaspoonvanillaextract

11/3cups(180g)cakeflourPinchofsalt2teaspoonsbakingpowder1/4cup(60ml)wholemilk1tablespoonimitationbutterflavorPinchofsalt

Forthetopping1/4cupor1/2stick(55g)butter1cup(100g)confectioners’sugar1teaspoonimitationbutterflavor1tablespoonmilk12maraschinocherries

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).Greaseorlineamuffintinwithcupcakeliners.

2Inalargemixingbowl,useamixertocreamtogetherthebutterandsugarforthecakes.Addoneeggandcontinuemixing.Oncetheeggisincorporated,addtheothereggandthevanillaextractandcontinuetomixforaminuteorsountilsmooth.

3Inaseparatebowl,combinetheflour,salt,andbakingpowder.

4Slowlymixthedryingredientsinwiththecreamedbutterandsugarmixture.Finally,slowlymixinthemilkuntilbatterissmooth.Dividebatterevenlyamongthemuffintincups.

5Bakebetween20–25minutes,oruntiledgesofcakesaregoldenandatoothpickinsertedintothecakescomesoutclean.

6Around15minutesbeforethecupcakesfinishbaking,maketheglaze.Heatthebutterinasaucepanovermediumheatuntilgoldenbrown,about10minutes.

7Pourbutterintoabowl.Addtheconfectioners’sugar,imitationbutterflavor,andmilk,andstiruntilsmooth.Ifglazeistoothick,addmoremilk;toothin,addmoresugar.

8Whilecakesarestillhot,pourtheglazeontopofthemandinsertonecherryintothecenterofeachcakebypressingdowngentlysoit’spartiallyimbedded.

INSPIREDBYBIOSHOCK

CREME-FILLEDCAKES

Ilackhand-eyecoordinationsoItendtobeverybadatshooters,andbecauseofthat,it’shardformetogetintothem.Bioshockisanexception.DevelopedbyIrrationalGames,Bioshockisalmostuniversallyacknowledgedasanexceptionalandunforgettablegamingexperience.IttakesplaceinasecretunderwatercitycalledRapture.RapturewasbuiltbyanambitiousAmericanshortlyaftertheendofWorldWarIIforthepurposeofformingacompletelyisolatedcapitalistsocietyuntaintedbygovernmentorreligion.Shockingly,thisdidn’texactlyworkout.TheisolationofRapturemadeitsomewhatofatimecapsule,butthelackofmoralorgovernmentallimitationsininventionhasallowedforsomeveryadvancedtechnologytobecreated,soit’sacompletelyuniquegameenvironment.

Thefoodismostlyofapre-packagedvarietywithafocusonconvenience.TheseCreme-FilledCakesareoneofonlythreekindsoffoodfoundinthegame,alongwithpotatochipsandPepBars.Thereismorethantwicethatamountofalcoholvarietiesinthegame,whichtellsyoualotaboutthecitizensofRapture.Thecakescomeinasortoflogshape,muchlikeacertainbelovedsnackcakefoundintherealworld.Theyalsoappeartobefilledwithchocolatecremeandhavesortofasquigglyfrostingdesignontop.

MAKES8–12CAKES

Forthecakes2cups(250g)cakeflour

11/4cups(250g)sugar1tablespoonbakingpowder1teaspoonsalt1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,softened1cup(235ml)milk1teaspoonvanillaextract2eggsNonstickspray,forgreasing1tubeofready-madewhitedecorativefrosting

Forthechocolatecremefilling1jaror7ounces(200g)marshmallowcreme1/3cup(40g)confectioners’sugar1/2cup(60g)cocoapowder1/2cup(100g)shortening1teaspoonvanilla

extract1tablespoonevaporatedmilkPinchofsalt

1Preheatovento350°F(180°C).

2Ifyoudon’thaveacanoepan,Irecommendmakingthecakemoldsfirst.Tearouta12-inch-(30cm)longsheetofaluminumfoil.Folditoncelengthwiseandthenoncecrosswise.Placeaspicejarinthecenterandwrapthealuminumfoilaroundit,tuckingintheendstocreateatrough-likeshape.Makesurethetopsareopensoyoucanpourinyourbatter.Removethespicejar.Repeatuntilyouhaveabout10ofthese.

3Inalargemixingbowl,sifttogethertheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,andsalt.

4Addthebutter,milk,andvanillaandbeatwithahandmixerfor3–4minutes.Addtheeggsandbeatfor3moreminutes.

5Spraythecakemold(s)withnonstickspray.Pourthebatterevenlyamongthecups—theyshouldbearoundthree-quartersfull.Dependingonthesizeofthespicejarused,youcanendupwithanywherebetween8and12cakes.

6Bakethecakesforabout30minutes,oruntilatoothpickinsertedinthecentercomesoutclean.Letthecakescoolintheircases,thenremoveandtransfertoawireracktocoolcompletely.

7Meanwhile,makethefilling.Putallthefillingingredientsintoamixingbowlandbeatuntillightandfluffy.

8Placethefillingintoapastrybagwithanarrowattachment.Usingachopstick,evenlypokethreeholesintothebottomofoneofthecakes.Sortofswishyourchopstickaroundabitintheretocreatemoreroomforthefilling.Pipethechocolatefillingintoeachoftheholes,repeatingthisprocessforeachcake.

9Whenallthecakesarefilled,attachanarrowfrostingpiperontothetubeofwhitedecorativefrostinganddrawsquigglesonthetopofeachofthecakes.

10Stuffallthecakesintoyourmouthimmediatelywhileinthemiddleofabattle.

INSPIREDBYTHEELDERSCROLLS

SWEETROLL

ThehighlydesirableSweetRollisprobablythemostwell-knownfoodfromTheElderScrollsseries.ThestolenSweetRollhasbeenarunninggaginElderScrollgamesdatingallthewaybacktoArena,whereitwasreferencedinatheoreticalquestiontodetermineyourcharacterclassbasedonthemoralityofyouranswer.Now,SweetRollsareanalchemyingredientinOblivion,anactualconsumableiteminSkyrim,andevenappearedinFallout.

ItisunknownwhatexactlyaSweetRollis;whatisknownisthattheyaresotastythatpeoplewanttostealthemfromyou—acrimepunishablebyanightinjail.Presumably,theyareadelicioussugarybakedgood.InOblivion,theyhaveashapesortoflikeatallmuffinorachef’shat.InSkyrim,theylooklikeavolcanowithwhiteicing.ThedifferenceinappearancemaybeduetoregionaldifferencesinTamriel,asObliviontakesplaceinCyrodillandSkyrimtakesplacein…Skyrim.IwentwiththeSkyrimappearance.Enjoyavolcano-shapedcinnamoncakefilledwithsugary,buttery,nuttygoodness,toppedwithcream-cheeseicing.Therearetwowaystobakethese:withaminiBundt-cakepanforaperfectshape(thesecanbefoundfairlyeasilyonline)orinastandardglassmeasuringcup.

MAKES2–6ROLLS

Forthecake11/2cups(180g)flour1/2cup(100g)granulatedsugar2teaspoonsbakingpowderPinchofsalt2tablespoonsgroundcinnamon1/3(80ml)cupmilk1egg2teaspoonsvanillaextract1/4cupor1/2stick(55g)butter,meltedButterornonstickspray,forgreasing

Forthefilling1/4cupor1/2stick(55g)butter,softened1/2cup(30g)choppedpecannuts1tablespoongroundcinnamon1/4cup(60g)packedbrownsugar

Fortheicing1/4cupor2ounces(60g)creamcheese,softened11/2cups(150g)confectioners’sugar2tablespoonsmilk

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).

2Tomakethecake,combinetheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,salt,andcinnamoninalargemixingbowl.

3Mixtogetherthemilk,egg,vanillaextract,andbutterinaseparatebowl.

4Addthewetingredientstothedryingredientsandcombinethoroughly.

5Greasetheinsideofanoven-safeglassmeasuringcuporminiBundt-cakepan.Ifusingaglasscup,addthebattertothe1or11/2cup(240or350ml)line,dependingonhowtallyouwantthecaketobe.IfusingtheBundt-cakepan,simplyaddanevenamountofbattertoeachcup.

6Bakefor25–30minutes,oruntilyoucanstickinaknifeanditcomesoutclean.

7Removefromtheovenandletthecake(s)cool.Oncecool,carefullyremovefromthemeasuringcuporpansoitdoesnotbreak.

8Ifusingaglassmeasuringcup,thecakeisgoingtobeupsidedown(sothewiderpartisatthebottom)andmaybeawkwardlyroundedonthebottomside.Tofixthis,simplycutofftheroundedbottomwithaknifetomakeitlevel.Setthecakedownwiththewiderleveledsideonthebottom.Useaspoonorforktocarveaholeatthetopofthecake—thisiswhereyouwillputthefilling.

9Tomakethefilling,mixtogetheralloftheingredients.Stuffthemixtureintothehole(s)inthecake(s).

thehole(s)inthecake(s).

10Fortheicing,whiskorbeattogetheralloftheingredientsuntilsmoothandthick.Gentlydrizzletheicingontopofthecake(s).

11ServeorhavetheSweetRollsalltoyourself!Remember,inSkyrim,stealingaSweetRollispunishablebyanightinjail.

INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTER

CAULDRONCAKES

CauldronCakesareoneofthemanymagicaltreatsthatwitchesandwizardsenjoyintheworldofHarryPotter.Theyarepurchasedbyaneleven-year-oldHarryPotterforhimselfandhisnewfriend,Ron,ontheirveryfirstjourneytoHogwartsontheHogwartsExpress.J.K.Rowlingdoesn’treallyexplainhowthecakeslookortasteinthebooks,soreadershavecomeupwithsomeimaginativeinterpretations.Forthisrecipe,IwasinspiredbytheartworkonJ.K.Rowling’swebsite,Pottermore,inwhichtheylooklikecutelittlechocolatecakesfilledwithsomesortofgreengootoresembleabubblingcauldron.Sidenote:IfyouareafanofHarryPotter,ownacomputer,andhavesufferedPotterwithdrawalsincethebooksandmoviesended,gettheetoPottermorerightnow.Notonlyisitanextremelyfunwaytorelivethebooks,butthere’sjustatonofwonderfulart,games,andextrainformationtobegleanedfromRowlingherself.Yes,IamabsolutelyonPottermore,andwilldefinitelybeyourfriend.MynameisScarletHolly25290andI’minRavenclaw.Addme!No,Iwillnotduelyou.Idon’tbelieveinviolence.Okay,that’snotreallywhyIwon’tduelyou…I’mjustreallybadatdueling.

MAKES20CAKES

MAKES20CAKES

ForthecakeButterornonstickspray,forgreasing1cup(120g)flour1/3cup(40g)unsweetenedcocoapowder1teaspoonbakingpowder1teaspoonallspice1/2teaspoonsalt1/2cup(100g)shortening3/4cup(150g)sugar1egg1teaspoonvanillaextract1cup(240g)buttermilk

Forthetopping1tablespooncornstarch1/2tablespoonwater14-ounce(396g)cansweetenedcondensedmilk1/4cup(50g)shorteningAfewdropsofgreenfoodcoloringFlavorextract(yourchoice)PearlsprinklesGreensugarsprinkles

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseamuffintin.

2Inalargemixingbowl,combinetheflour,cocoapowder,bakingpowder,allspice,andsalt.

3Inaseparate,smallermixingbowl,beattogethertheshorteningandsugar.Addtheeggandvanillaandbeatuntilfluffy.

4Slowlybeatintheflourmixture,occasionallyalternatingwiththebuttermilk.

5Evenlydividethebatteramongtheholesinthemuffintin(s).

6Bakeforabout20minutes,oruntilaforkinsertedintothecakescomesoutclean.

7Letthecakescool,thenremovethemfromthetinandtransfertoawireracktocoolcompletely.

8Meanwhile,makethetopping.Combinethecornstarchandwatertoformapaste.

9Beattogetheralltheremainingtoppingingredients—exceptthesprinkles—includingthecornstarchpasteyoujustmade.Thefinishedtextureshouldbe

includingthecornstarchpasteyoujustmade.Thefinishedtextureshouldbelikeathickandgooeyslime.Ifit’stoorunny,addmoreshortening;ifit’stoothick(likefrosting),addmoresweetenedcondensedmilk.

10Takethecooledcakesandcarveoutashallowholeonthebottomsideofeachonetobetheinsideofthecauldronthatholdsthegoo.

11Spoonthegoointotheholessothattheyarealmostoverflowing,thentopwithsprinkles.

12AccioCauldronCakes!

INSPIREDBYMINECRAFT

CAKEBLOCK

Minecraftisanaward-winningindiegamethathasreachedanunfathomablelevelofpopularityinarelativelyshortamountoftime.Inthegame,youmineandcraftmaterialsinordertobuildyourselfashelterandsurvive,oryourunaroundpunchingthingsandgetbeatentodeathbyzombiesand/ordieofstarvation—likeme.OneofthebestthingsaboutMinecraftisthatyouaregivenabsolutefreedomtobuildwhateveryouwant,howeveryouwant.Thisfreedomhasallowedplayerstomakesomeveryelaborateworldsandbuildings,especiallyinthegame’screativemode.Everythinginthegame—fromtheanimalstotheclouds—isrenderedastexturedblocks,includingthecake.

MostofthepreparedfoodinMinecraftisonlyshowninyourinventory,butthecakeisanexception.Thecakeblockismadebycombiningthreebucketsofmilk,twounitsofsugar,threeunitsofwheat,andoneegg.Whenthecakeiscrafted,itneedstobeplacedontopofanotherblockinordertobeenjoyed.Eachsliceofcakerecoverstwohungerunits,andeatingtheentirecakewillrecovertwelvehungerunits.UnliketheotherfoodsinMinecraft,slicesofcakeareeateninstantaneouslyandyoucangobbledownthewholecakeinseconds—muchlikereallife.Thecakeisdepictedashavingwhiteicingandlittleredpixelsontop.

Thisrecipeisformyfavoritewhitecakelayeredwithstrawberryjamfillingtocomplementtheredpixels.Youwillneedtousefondanttorecreatethegeometricpatternsandcleanlinesofthecake’stopping.

SERVES6–10

1cupor2sticks(225g)butter,softened2cups(450g)whitesugar4eggs1tablespoonvanillaextract3cups(360g)cakeflour1tablespoonbakingpowder3/4cup(175ml)wholemilk1teaspoonsaltButterornonstickspray,forgreasing

11/2cups(485g)strawberryjellyWhitefondantRedfondant(recommended)orredfooddye

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C).

2Creamtogetherthebutterandsugarthenaddtheeggsandvanillaextractandcontinuemixing.

3Mixintheflour,bakingpowder,andsalt.

4Greasethebakingpansanddividethebatterequallybetweenthem.Bakefor

4Greasethebakingpansanddividethebatterequallybetweenthem.Bakefor30–40minutes,oruntilaforkinsertedintothecenterofeachcakecomesoutclean.Removefromtheovenandleavetocool.

5Oncecool,carefullylevelthetopsofthecakesusingasharpknife.

6Setonecakeonaboardandspoonhalfofthejellyontop,spreadingitaroundevenly,keepingitabout1inch(2.5cm)infromtheouteredgesofthecake.

7Settheothercakeontopandspreadtherestofthejellyoverthetopandslightlyovertheedgeofthesecondcakelayer.

8Herecomesthehardpart:fondantisunforgivinganddifficulttoworkwith,butI’lldomybesttoexplainthisnextstep.Rolloutthewhitefondantuntilyouhaveasurfacearealargeenoughtocoveryourentirecake.

9Carefullyliftthefondantsheetbygentlyflippingoneendovertherollingpinandraisingitupandontothetopofthecake,makingsureitiscompletelycovered.Then,usingyourhands,gentlypressthefondantaroundthecake,tryingtoavoidmakinganyfoldsorcreases.

10Usingasharpknife,scalpel,orscissors,cutoutthesquarepatterninthefondantonthesidesofthecake.Ihighlyrecommendcreatingatemplateorstencilbycuttingtheshapeoutofsomecardboardbeforeattemptingthis,andusingaphotoforreference.

11Youhaveafewoptionsfortheredsquaresonthetopofthecake.Option1:Rolloutsomepre-maderedfondantandcutoutthesquareshapes.Wetthemlightlyonthebackandarrangethemontopofthecake.Thisistheeasiestandbest-lookingoption.Option2:Rolloutthewhitefondant,cutoutthesquareshapes,andpaintthemindividuallywithredfooddye.Thenlightlywettheback(unpainted)sideofeachandcarefullyarrangethemontopofthecake.Option3:Positionthewhitefondantsquaresandpainttheminsituwithredfooddye.

12Cutthecakeintosix(ormore)squareslicesandenjoy!

INSPIREDBYSUPERMARIOBROS.

1UPMUSHROOMCUPCAKES

Likemostpeoplebornafter1985,IgrewupplayingSuperMarioBros.games.Theseries,createdbyNintendo’sveryownmadgeniusShigeruMiyamoto,isoneofthemostwidelyknownandbelovedgameseriesofalltime.ThegamesfeatureMario,aportlyItalianplumberwithinexplicablysuperiorathleticabilityandstamina.HeisinlovewithPrincessToadstool,akaPeach.UnfortunatelyforMario,theprincessiskidnappedbyKingKoopa,akaBowser,abouteveryyearorso.Funfact:MarioactuallymadehisfirstappearanceasJumpmaninNintendo’s1981arcadegameDonkeyKong.

OneofthemanyiconicitemsintheMarioseriesisthe1UpMushroom.Unliketheredtoadstool,whichallowsMariotogrowinsize,the1UpMushroomgivesMarioanotherlifeandanotherchancetofallintotheabyssorbekilledbyfire-breathingplants.The1Up’sappearancehaschangedovertheyears,butmostwillrecognizeitasthebrightgreentoadstoolwithwhitespots.Igenerallytrytoavoidmakingcakesthatlooklikethingsthatarenotsupposedtobecakes,butthisisanexception.Mariowasthecatalystthatmadegamingwhatitistodayandisapieceofgeekculturalhistory.Shortofencouragingpeopletoeatarawtoadstool(doNOTeatrawtoadstools…)therewasn’tanyotherwaytopaytributetoMarioinfood.

Youcanmakethefrostinginthisoneeithergreenorred,dependingonwhetheryouwantanotherlifeortogrowinsize.Well,eattoomanyofthesebabiesandyou’llgrowinsizeeitherway.

MAKES12CUPCAKES

ForthecakesButterornonstickspray,forgreasing1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,softened1cup(225g)sugar2eggs,divided1teaspoonvanillaextract

11/3cups(180g)cakeflourPinchofsalt1teaspoonbakingpowder1/4cup(60ml)wholemilk

Forthefrosting/topping1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,softened1/2cup(112g)shortening2cups(250g)powderedsugar1/2tablespoonmilkGreenorredfooddye2teaspoonsimitationbutterflavoringWhitechocolatebuttonsorwhitemodelingchocolateorwhitefondant

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreaseorlineamuffintinwithcupcakeliners.

2Inalargemixingbowl,creamtogetherthebutterandsugarforthecakes.

3Addoneoftheeggsandcontinuemixing.Oncethefirsteggisfullyincorporated,addtheothereggandthevanillaextractandcontinuetomixforaminuteorsountilsmooth.

4Inaseparatebowl,sifttogethertheflour,salt,andbakingpowder.

5Slowlymixthedryingredientsintothecreamedbutterandsugarmixture,thenslowlymixinthemilkuntilthebatterissmooth.

6Dividethebatterevenlyamongthemuffin-tincupsuntileachisthree-quartersfull.

7Bakefor20–25minutes,oruntiltheedgesofthecakesaregoldenandatoothpickinsertedinthecentercomesoutclean.

8Makethefrostingbyfirstcreamingtogetherthebutterandshortening.

9Whipthepowderedsugarintothebutterandshortening,thenaddthemilk,greenorredfooddye,andimitationbutterflavor,andcontinuetowhipuntilyougettherightconsistencyandcolor.Thefrostingshouldbespreadablebutstiff;ifit’stoorunnyaddmorepowderedsugar,ifit’stoostiffaddmoremilk.

10Spreadthegreenorredfrostingontopofthecupcakesanddecoratewithwhitedots.

INSPIREDBYSTARTREK

CELLULARPEPTIDECAKEWITHMINTFROSTING

ThisisfrommyveryfavoriteTNGepisode,“Phastasms,”inwhichtheandroidDataistestinganewprogramthatallowshimtodream.Itturnsoutthatandroidsdonotdreamofelectricsheep;theydreamofrotarytelephonesintheirbelly,brainslurpees,andtheircolleaguesbeingturnedintocakes.

Thecake,whichishumanshapedandhasDeannaTroi’shead,isdescribedbyanuncharacteristicallyexcitedWorfasa“cellularpeptidecakewithmintfrosting.”Cellularpeptideisn’tactuallyathing,butitisdescribedintheepisodeasachainofmoleculesfoundinlivingthings.Thisrecipeisforamoistwhitecakewithsomeveryblue,mint-flavoredfrosting.Iusedyogurtasamoistenerforthecakeitselfbecauseyogurtcontainslivingbacteriaandrepresentsthecellularpeptide.It’simportanttomakethecakelooklikeaTNGStarfleetMedicaluniform,whichismucheasierthanitsounds.Enjoythislovelycakewithabrainslurpeetowashitdown!Mmm…delicious.

SERVES4–6

ForthecakeButterornonstickspray,forgreasing

23/4cups(320g)flour12/3cups(320g)sugar1tablespoonbakingpowder3/4teaspoonsalt3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)unsaltedbutter,softened4eggwhites1egg1cup(245g)vanillayogurt2teaspoonsvanillaextract

2teaspoonsvanillaextract

Forthefrosting11/2cupsconfectioners’sugar2tablespoonsmilk1tablespoonshortening1/2teaspoonvanillaextract1/2teaspoonmintorpeppermintextract,ortotasteBluefoodcoloringBlackfoodcoloring

1Preheattheovento350°F(180°C)andgreasea9×9-inch(23×23cm)bakingpan.

2Combinetheflour,sugar,bakingpowder,andsaltinalargemixingbowl.

3Addthesoftenedbutterandmixuntilcrumbly.Addtheeggwhites,followedbythewholeegg,andbeatwell.

4Inaseparatebowl,whisktogethertheyogurtwiththevanillaextract.Addthismixturetothebatterandbeatuntilfluffy.

5Pourthebatterintothebakingpanandbakefor30–40minutes,oruntilaknifeortoothpickinsertedintothecentercomesoutclean.Letthecakecoolandsetinthepan.

6Whileitsets,preparethefrosting.Combineallthefrostingingredientsinasmallbowlintheorderlisted.Beatuntilyoureachacreamyconsistency.Addmoreconfectioners’sugarifthefrostingistoothin.

7Dividethefrostingbetweentwobowls.Inonebowl,addthebluefoodcoloring.Youwillneedalottogetadeepblue;intheotherbowl,mixintheblackfoodcoloring.Stiruntilthecolorisevenlydispersed.

8Removethecooledcakefromthepanandcutoffpartofitssidestomakea“T”ortorsoshape.

9EmulateaTNG-styleblue(sciences)Starfleetuniformwhenfrosting.

DESSERTSTheChroniclesofNarnia:TURKISHDELIGHT

Avatar:TheLastAirbender:AIRNOMAD’SFRUITPIESHarryPotter:TREACLETARTSHarryPotter:PUMPKINPASTIES

KingdomHearts:SEA-SALTICECREAMPokémon:POFFINS

SouthPark:CHOCOLATESALTYBALLS

INSPIREDBYTHECHRONICLESOFNARNIA

TURKISHDELIGHT

TurkishDelightisn’tfictionalatall,butit’ssuchastapleoffantasyfoodIcouldn’tnotmakearecipe—thatwouldprettymuchbenerdblasphemy.ThosewhohavereadTheLion,TheWitchandtheWardrobewillremembertheverytensemomentwhenlittleEdmundmeetsthesinisterWhiteQueenandstupidlyrevealsthelocationofhissiblingsforabitofTurkishDelight.Edmundwaskindofajerkatthatearlypointinthestory,butthewayTurkishDelightwasdescribedinthebookmadeitseemlikesuchaheavenlytreatthatyoucouldalmost—almost—empathizewiththelittlebrat.

So,TurkishDelightisactuallyasweetandchewyconfectionthatistraditionallyflavoredwithrosewaterandnutsandservedwithacoatingofconfectioners’sugar.I’vekeptthisrecipeveryoldschoolbecausewhymesswithtraditionwhenit’salreadysogoodyou’llselloutyourownbrothersandsistersforapiece?

MAKES26–36PIECES

1cup(235ml)water2tablespoonsgelatin

13/4cups(150g)sugar1/4teaspooncitricacid1/2cup(50g)pistachios,shelledandchopped1teaspoonvanillaextract2teaspoonsrosewaterorotherflavoringextractofyourchoice1/4cup(25g)confectioners’sugar2tablespoonscornstarchFewdropsoffoodcoloring(optional)Oil,forgreasing

1Placethewaterinalargesaucepanandsprinkleoverthegelatin.Setasideuntilthegelatinisalittlespringy.

2Addthesugarandcitricacidtothegelatinwater,placethepanoveragentleheat,andstirconstantlyuntildissolved.

3Bringthemixturetoaboil.Boilfor15minuteswithoutstirring.Removefromheatandsetasidefor10minutes.

4Stirinthevanillaextract,rosewater,pistachios,andafewdropsoffoodcoloring,ifusing.

5Pourintoagreased6×6-inch(15×15cm)bakingpan.Leaveuncoveredinacoolplacefor24hours.

6Sifttheconfectioners’sugarandcornflourtogetherontoasheetofparchmentpaper.TurnoutthesetTurkishdelightontothepaperandcutintosquaresusingasharpknife.

squaresusingasharpknife.

7Tosspiecesintheconfectioners’sugarmixturesothatallsidesarecoated.Packthesquaresintoairtightcontainerslinedwithparchmentpaperanddustwiththeremainingconfectioners’sugarmixture.

INSPIREDBYAVATAR:THELASTAIRBENDER

AIRNOMAD’SFRUITPIES

It’simpossibletoresistaserieswithsomanygoodfoodmoments.Forsomecontext,thepeopleofAvatarfallintofourdifferentnationsthatareeachdevotedtooneofthefourelements:earth,air,fire,andwater.Somepeopleinthesenationshavecommandoftheirnationalelement;thisskillisknownasbending.Thenationalelementandthebendingskillhasalotofinfluenceonthecultureofthenationand,ofcourse,theircuisine.Thefirenationtendstolikethingsspicy,thewatertribeeatsalotofseafoodandsoups,etc.TheseFruitPiesareanairbenderdessertthatappearedinthethirdepisodeoftheseriesinaflashback/memoryofAvatarAng’s,inwhichhefondlyremembershisairbendingmastermakingthepiessothattheycouldairbendthemontotheheadsoftheotherairmonks.Ang’smastertellshimthatthesecretisinthe“gooeycenter.”Inalaterepisode,Angdivulgesthatthepiesarehisfavoritefood!

Myideaforthisonewastomaketheoutsidepartangelfoodcakebecauseitrequiresacertainamountofairbending.It’stoppedwithcolorfulwhippedcream(moreairbending)andfilledwithadelicious,gooeytropical-fruitmixture.Thecombinationoftexturesandtastesmakesitverymuchlikeeatingastrawberryshortcake.Ofcourse,youcanusewhateversortoffruitfillingyouwant—therecipeisflexiblelikethat.

MAKES2X9-INCH(15CM)PIES

Forthefilling13/4cups(280g)pineapple,chopped13/4cups(280g)mango,chopped1banana,sliced1/2cup(100g)granulatedsugar2tablespoonslimejuice1teaspoonlimezest1teaspooncoconutextract1tablespooncornstarchcombinedwith2tablespoonswater

Forthecake1cup(135g)cakeflour

11/2cups(300g)superfinesugar,divided1tablespooncornstarch12eggwhites1/2teaspoonsalt2teaspoonscreamoftartar2teaspoonscoconutextract

Forthetopping1cup(230ml)heavywhippingcream1/2cup(50g)confectioners’sugarFewdropsoffoodcoloringcolorsofyourchoice

1Firstmakethefilling.Addalltheingredientsintoalargepotandcookoveramediumheatuntilthefruithassoftened,about15minutes.Setasidetocool.

2Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).Donotgreasethepietins,althoughyoucanlinethemwithparchmentpaperifyoudon’tmindridges.

3Sifttogethertheflour,3/4cup(125g)ofthesugar,andthecornstarch.Setaside.

4Inalargemixingbowl,addtheeggwhites,salt,creamoftartar,andcoconutextract.Whipthemixturewithabeateruntilstiffpeaksform,thenstarttograduallywhipintheremainingsugar,maintainingthepeaks.

5Foldinaquarteroftheflourmixtureatatime,makingsurenottoovermix.Thebatterwillinevitablydeflatesomewhat,sodon’tbetooalarmedwhenthathappens.

6Gentlydividethebatteramongthetwopiepans,beingcarefulnottoknockouttoomuchair.

7Bakeforabout30minutesonthelowerrackofyouroven.Whentheyareready,thetopsofthecakeswillbouncebackwhenpoked.

8Letthecakescoolcompletelyintheirpans—thiscantakeanhourormore.

9Meanwhile,makethetopping.Addallofthetoppingingredientsintoalargemixingbowlandwhipusingamixeruntilyoustarttogetpeaks.Becarefulnottomixtoomuchandgetbutter.Coverthebowlwithplasticwrapandplaceinthefridgeuntilreadytouse.

10Removethecooledcakesfromthepansandcut1inch(2.5cm)offthetopofthecakesusingaserratedknife.Setthesecaketopsaside.Hollowoutthebottompartsofthecakesusingasmallknifetoleavea1-inch-(2.5cm)thick

shell.RememberthatthepiesareupsidedowntoemulatetheshapeinAvatar.

11Spoonthefruitfillingintothespaceyouhavecarvedoutandreplacethetopsofthepies.

12Usingapipingbag,setupwithlargestarattachments,pipethewhippedcreamtoppingontothecenterofthetopsofthepiesinaswirlingmotion.

13Airbendapieontosomeone’shead.

INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTER

TREACLETARTS

HarryPotter’sfavoritedessert!HarrylovesTreacleTartssomuchthathesmellsthemevenwheninthepresenceofAmortentia.

TreacleTartsareatraditionalEnglishdessert,popularamongchildrenandmadewithgoldensyrup.Goldensyruphasanirresistiblenuttyandbutteryflavor,withalmostthesameconsistencyashoney.IcanseewhyHarrylikesit.It’strulyliquidgoldandmynewfavoritethingever.Watchout,FelixFelicis!Well,popthestuffinaflakytartcrustanditispureheaven.Andby“heaven”ImeanHogwarts.

MAKES12TARTS

Forthecrusts13/4cups(210g)flour,plusextrafordusting3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)butter,chilledanddiced1/4cup

(50g)sugar2eggyolks1tablespoonorangezest

Forthefilling1cup(350g)goldensyrup1tablespoonmolasses

1tablespoonmolasses2tablespoonsbutterPinchofsalt6tablespoonsbreadcrumbs3tablespoonsheavycream1tablespoonflour1tablespoonlemonzest1egg,whisked

Whippedcream,clottedcream,orvanillaicecream,toserve

1First,makethecrusts.Blendtheflourandbutterinafoodprocessoruntilcrumbly.

2Addthesugarandblendagainbrieflytocombine.

3Addtheeggyolksandtheorangezestandpulseuntilitcomestogether.Youmayneedtoaddalittlebitofwaterifitseemsdry.

4Wrapthepastryinplasticwrapandchillforabout30minutes.

5Preheattheovento375°F(190°C).

6Meanwhile,makethefilling.Heatthegoldensyrupandmolassesinasaucepanovermediumheatfor3–5minutes,oruntilloosened,stirringoccasionally.

7Removethesyrupfromtheheatandstirinthebutter,salt,breadcrumbs,cream,flour,andzestuntilcombined.Stirintheeggandsetaside.

8Rolloutthepastryonaflouredsurfaceuntilitis1/8inch(3mm)thick,thenstamporcutoutcirclesbigenoughtofityourtarttins.Youcanuseacookiecutterforthisifnecessary.

9Moldthecirculardoughcut-outsintothebottomsandsidesofthetarttins,filleachwiththetreaclefilling,andbakeforapproximately20minutes,oruntilthetreacleisfirmandsetandthecrustisgolden.

10Servehotorcold,toppedwithwhippedcream,clottedcream,orvanillaicecream,ifdesired!

INSPIREDBYHARRYPOTTER

PUMPKINPASTIES

AnothermouthwateringHarryPotterclassic!PumpkinPastiesarementionedfairlyoftenintheHarryPotterseries,thoughneverdescribedindetail.TheyaresoldattheHoneyduke’sTrolleyontheHogwartsExpress.TheywereoneofthefirstwizardfoodsHarryPottereverate,alongwithChocolateFrogsandCauldronCakes.

Apastyisasortofhandpie,thoughttohaveoriginatedinCornwall,England,wheretheyaretheregionalspecialty.Theyaresemi-circularinshapeandaretraditionallymadewithpiecrustfilledwithmeat,potatoes,andothersavories.However,becauseinHarryPotterPumpkinPastiesaresoldalongsideothersweets,thereisaconsensusthattheyareadessert.I’vemadeasimplepastrycrustfilledwithspiced,sweetened,gooeypumpkingoodness.It’ssortoflikeadelicious,portablepocketofpumpkinpie!

MAKES2PASTIES

Forthecrust31/2cups(420g)flourPinchofsalt5teaspoonssugar3/4cupor11/2sticks(170g)butter,cubed1/2cupshortening1cupicewater,divided

Forthefilling2eggs,whisked1cup(100g)sugar15-ounce(425g)canpumpkin2tablespoonsunsaltedbutter,melted,plusextraforthepastycrusts1/2teaspoonsalt2teaspoonsgroundcinnamon,plusextraforthepastycrusts1teaspoongroundginger1teaspoongroundcloves1teaspoongroundcardamon1teaspoonallspice12-ounce(354ml)canevaporatedmilk

1First,makethecrust.Combinetheflour,salt,andsugaruntilwellblended.Addthebuttercubesandtossuntilcoated.Usingyourhands,rubthebutterintotheflouruntildoughisinbean-sizepieces.

2Addtheshorteningtothedoughandtoss,thenrubtheshorteningintotheflourusingthesamemethodaswiththebutter,untilyouhavepea-sizepieces.

pieces.

3Sprinkleinabouthalfoftheicewateranduseyourhandstosqueezethedoughtogether,beingcarefulnottooverworkit.Keepaddingalittlebitoficewateratatimeuntilthedoughcomestogetherbutisnotwet—youmaynotneedtouseallofthewater.

4Formthedoughintoaball,coverwithplasticwrap,andputinthefridgeforatleast30minutes.

5Meanwhile,makethefilling.Addtheeggsandsugartoamixingbowlandcombineuntilwellblended.

6Stirinthepumpkin,butter,salt,andspices.Pourintheevaporatedmilkandstirwell.

7Inalargegreasedcasseroledish,bakethefillingat425°F(220°C)for15minutes.Reducetheoventemperatureto350°F(180°C)andcontinuebakingfor45minutes,oruntilyourforkcomesoutcleanwheninsertedintothefilling.Letitcoolcompletely.

8Rolloutthepastryuntilthinandcutintocirclesabout4inches(10cm)indiameter.

9Putaheapingspoonfulofthepumpkinmixturetowardonesideofthecenterofthecircle.Foldoverthecrustintoahalf-circleandfirmlypresstheedgesclosed.

10Cutthreesmallslitsinthetopforventingandplaceonagreasedcookiesheet.

11Raisetheoventemperatureto400°F(200°C)andbakeuntilcrustisalightgoldenbrown,around10minutes.

12Ifdesired,mixsomecinnamonandmeltedbuttertogetherandbrushthepastiesaftertheycomeoutoftheoven.

INSPIREDBYKINGDOMHEARTS

SEA-SALTICECREAM

KingdomHeartsiswhereFinalFantasyandDisneycollide.Inthefirstgame,youplayasSora,akidfromanisolatedislandwhofindshimselfthrownintoacrazyadventureinvolvingDisneyandFinalFantasycharactersalike.Inthebeginningofthesecondgame,however,youareanotherkid,namedRoxas.RoxasandhisfriendsliveinaplacecalledTwilightTownandspendtheirtimegettingintotroubleandeatingSea-SaltIceCreamontopoftheclocktoweroverlookingthetown.Laterinthegame,thecharactersofKingdomHeartsIIcanoftenbeseentalkingabout—andeating—thisdelicioussalty-sweetdessert.

Apparently,KingdomHeartsIIdirectorTetsuyaNomurahadthisicecreamonatriptotheTokyoDisneylandResortandlikeditsomuch,hedecidedtoworkwithDisneytoputitintothegames.Ithasacharacteristicsky-bluecolorandisonlyeverseenbeingeatenonapopsiclestick.IhavelearnedalotsinceIoriginallypostedtherecipeforSea-SaltIceCreamonmyblog,soIhaverevised

theoriginalrecipeandIthinkitisgreatlyimproved.Theicecreamissweet,cold,smooth,andcreamywithahintofseasalttofinish.Enjoythiswithyourbestbuddiesattwilightonawarmsummerday.

MAKES4PINTS

5cups(600ml)heavycream

21/2cups(570ml)wholemilk1teaspoonvanillaextract

11/2cups(300g)sugar,dividedSeasalt,totaste12largeeggyolksBluefoodcoloringNonstickspray(optional)

1Simmerthecream,milk,vanillaextract,and1cup(200g)ofthesugarinalargepot,stirringwithawoodenspoon,forabout15minutes.

2Stirtheseasaltintothecreammixtureinextremelytinyamountsandtasteasyougo.Keepaddinguntilyougetasubtlesaltyaftertaste.

3Combinetheeggyolksinalargemixingbowlandlightlywhiskthem.Slowlyaddtheremaining1/2cup(100g)ofsugarandcontinuetowhiskuntilthesugariscompletelydissolvedandtheeggsarethickandpaleyellow.

4Graduallywhiskinabout4cups(950ml)ofthehotcreammixture.

5Oncethehotcreamisevenlywhiskedintotheeggyolks,pouritallbackintothesaucepanwiththerestofthecream.Turntheheattomedium-low.

6Addafewdropsofthebluefoodcoloring,alittleatatime,andstirconstantlyuntilthecolorisrightandthecustardthickens,about12minutes.Makesurenottoboilthecustard.

7Chilltheice-creambaseintherefrigeratoruntilcold.

8Ifusinganice-creammaker,transferthechilledice-creambasetoyourmachineandchurnaccordingtothemanufacturer’sinstructions—itshouldcomeoutlikesoft-serve.Spoonintoafreezer-proofcontainerandplaceinthefreezeruntilreadytoserve.

9Ifnotusinganice-creammaker,placechilledicecreaminafrozenstainless-steelmixingbowlandletthemixturesituntiltheedgesstarttofreeze,about15–20minutes.Useaspatulaorwhisktorapidlystirtheicecream,mixinginthefrozenedges.Returnthestainless-steelbowltothefreezer.Vigorouslystirtheicecreamevery30minutesuntilitisfirm,between4–6times.Ifit’stoohardtostir,placeinthefridgeuntilitsoftens,thenstiragain.

toohardtostir,placeinthefridgeuntilitsoftens,thenstiragain.

10Ifyou’remakingpopsicles,spraytheinsidesofthemoldswithnonstickcookingsprayandpourtheicecreamintoeachmold.Addthesticksandfreezeforatleastfourhours.

INSPIREDBYPOKÉMON

POFFINS

Pokémonisaworldwidephenomenon.ThevideogamesandanimeTVseriesblewupinabigwayinthe’90sandthebrandhas,ahem,evolvedovertime.Nowtherearemovies,cardgames,collectibles,andevenknockoffsbasedonthebelovedJapaneseanimalthings.Amazingly,thebrandisjustaspopulartodayasitwasoveradecadeago,ifnotevenmoreso.OnplanetEarthtoday,approximatelyzerohumansareunawareoftheexistenceofPikachu.I’moldenoughtoremembertheworldbeforePokémonandletmetellyou,itwasabout25percentlessadorable.

Asmostknow,thebasicpremiseofPokémonisthattherearethesecreaturesandyoumustcollectthemallbecausereasons.Well,sometimesyourPokémonneedtoeat.Oneofthemoreinterestingconsumables,Poffins,aredepictedaslittlemulticoloredfootball-shapedpastries.WhenaPokémoneatsaPoffin,oneoftheirconditions(smart,cute,tough,etc.)improvesbasedonwhatkindofberryisusedinthecreationofthePoffin.Itriedafewdifferentthingsforpoffins,includingfillingthemwithjellyandtryingtoincorporatefruitinthedoughitself,butlet’sjustsayitwasn’tveryeffective.SeewhatIdidthere?Theirfinalincarnation,whichIhaveincludedhere,isasalightbutteryrollfilledwithafruitycustard.

MAKES24POFFINS

MAKES24POFFINS

Forthefilling2cups(475ml)milk3/4cup(150g)sugar1teaspoonvanillaextractPinchofsalt5tablespoonscornstarch6eggyolks1cup(150g)berriesofyourchoice

Forthedough1cup(235ml)waterat110°F(40°C)

2(1/4oz/7g)packetsactivedryyeast1/2cupor1stick(112g)butter,melted3/4cup(150g)sugar3eggsFoodcoloring,ofyourchoice1teaspoonsalt

41/2cups(540g)flour,plusextrafordustingEgg,whisked,forwashingWhitesesameseeds,forsprinkling

1First,makethefilling.Inamediumsaucepan,bringthemilk,sugar,vanillaextract,salt,cornstarch,andeggyolkstoaboil,whiskingconstantly.

2Reducetheheatslightlyandcontinuetoboilforacoupleminutes.Stirconstantlyandmakesuretoscrapeintothecornersofthesaucepan.

3Takethesaucepanofftheheatandplungeintoanice-waterbathtostoptheeggscookingfurther.Setasidetocoolcompletely.

4Nowmakethedough.Combinethewaterandyeastinamixingbowlandletstandfor5minutes.

5Stirinthebutter,sugar,eggs,foodcoloring,andsalt.Addtheflour,1cupatatime,andbeatin.

6Coverthedoughwithplasticwrapandrefrigerateforatleast2hours.

7Preheattheovento375°F(190°C)andlineabakingpanwithparchmentpaper.

8Turnoutthedoughontoflouredsurfaceanddivideinto24pieces.Rolleachpieceintoaballshape.

9Addtheberriestothecustardfillingandstirin.Ifyouareusinglargerberriesorfruit,suchasstrawberries,cutthemintosmallerpiecesfirst.

10Takeoneballofdoughatatimeandpressdownonittoflattenitslightly.11Spoonabout11/2teaspoonsofthecustardfillingintothecenterofeachroll.12Pullupthesidesofthedoughandfoldthemoverthefilling,makingsure

eachballiscompletelysealed.Youmayneedtowetyourfingerstocreateagoodseal.Tobeextrasafe,puttheballsealedsidedownwhenbaking.

13MoldthedoughintothePoffinshapeandrepeatforeachpieceofdough.14LetthePoffinsrestsomewherewarmfor25–30minutes.15Whendoneresting,putthePoffinsontoyourparchment-linedbakingsheet.16BrushthePoffinsineggwashandsprinklesesameseedsontopofeachone.17Looselycoverthebakingsheetwithaluminumfoil,topreventbrowning,and

bakeforabout17minutes,oruntilfirm.

INSPIREDBYSOUTHPARK

CHOCOLATESALTYBALLS

ItmightbedebatablewhetherSouthParkisreally“geeky,”butIthinktheshowhasearnedalotofgeekcredovertheyearswithdetailedreferencestosuchdefinitivelygeekythingsasWorldofWarcraft,comicbooks,andStarTrek.SouthParkisgenerallynotagoodsourceoffictionalfoodinspiration,asmostofthesatireisbasedintherealworldandtheshowtendstoaimforgrossratherthanappealing,butthereisoneexception:Chef’sChocolateSaltyBalls.

Chef,voicedbythelateIsaacHayes,wastheportlyandpromiscuouscafeteriacookforthefirsttenseasonsoftheshow.Asoneofthemorekindanddown-to-earthcharacters,hisadvicewasoftensoughtbythefourprotagonists…thoughhisadvicegenerallymanifesteditselfintotallyinappropriateandnon-relevantsoulsongs.Thisrecipecomesfromoneofthosehumorouslymisguidedsoulsongs,probablythemostpopularsongfromtheshow,titled“ChocolateSaltyBalls.”Thesongbasicallydescribesarecipeforasaltysphericalchocolate

SaltyBalls.”Thesongbasicallydescribesarecipeforasaltysphericalchocolatepastryto…suckon.Despitetheobviousmetaphorhere,Ithoughtasaltysphericalchocolatepastrysoundedprettydarngood,andIwasright!Chef’sballsaredelicious!

SERVES4–5

Butterornonstickspray,forgreasing2/3cup(150g)saltedbutter11/2cups(150g)sugar1/4cup(60ml)brandy4cups(700g)semisweetchocolatechips,divided2teaspoonsvanillaextract4eggs

11/2cups(180g)flour1/2teaspoonbakingsoda2tablespoonsgroundcinnamon1/2teaspoontablesaltCoarseseasalt,totaste,fordusting

1Preheattheovento325°F(170°C)andgreaseabakingpan.

2Inasaucepan,addthebutter,sugar,andbrandyandbringtoaboil,stirringconstantly.Removefromheat.

3Usingawoodenspoon,stirin2cups(350g)ofthechocolatechipsuntilmelted.Remembertogivethatspoonalick!

4Allowthemixturetocoolslightly,thenstirinthevanillaextract.

5Inalargemixingbowl,beattheeggsuntilcombined.Graduallyaddtheslightlycooledchocolatemixtureandmixwell.

6Combinetheflour,bakingsoda,cinnamon,andsalt,thengraduallyaddthismixturetothechocolatemixture.

7Stirintheremainingchocolatechipsandspreadthemixtureintothebakingpan.

8Bakefor35–45minutes,oruntilaforkinsertedinthecentercomesoutclean.Becarefulnottoburnyourballs!

9Letthemixturecooljustenoughsothatitwon’tburnyourhands.Meanwhile,setupasmallplateorcuttingboardwithsomeoftheseasaltonit.

10Scrapeupthebrowniemix,workingaroundtheedges—youdon’twanttousethehardedgesfortheseballs.

usethehardedgesfortheseballs.11Beginshapingrough1-inch(2.5cm)ballsoutofthemix,thenrollthemin

thesalt.Dothisverylightly—alittleseasaltgoesaverylongway.12Ifyoudohappentooversalt,justbrushofftheexcesscrystals.Toomuchsalt

isbad,mmmkay?Whenyou’redone,put’eminyourmouthandsuck’em!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTSRolandaConversino,Mom,thankyousomuchforalwaysthinkingI’mawesomeateverything.IfeveryonethoughtIwasasgreatasyoudoIwouldprobablybesuprememasteroftheuniversebynow.Youliterallyshedblood,sweat,andtearsforthisbookandIamforevergratefulforthat.Toyourhusband,JoeConversino,thankyouforlettingmemakeamessinyourkitchen!

Thankstomybigbrother,NicholasReeder,forteachingmetocookandmakingmelikeit.You’reanall-knowingculinarymastermindthatIcanalwaysrelyonforanswersandsuggestions.

Myfamily:yourobsessionwithfoodrubbedoffonmeandthishappened!Somuchloveformybestfriendandsoon-to-behusband,JeffDiza,for

drivingmeallovertheplaceforingredients,weatheringmymentalbreakdowns,andfortakingcareofourlittleflock.YouweretherewhenIfirsthadthiswackyideaandyouencouragedmetofollowthrough.Yourmisguidedbutunwaveringfaithinmehashelpedmetohavesomemarginalfaithinmyself.

JessicaRauschandWesleyGarcia,thankyouforbeingmyquality-controlminions!Jess,weweretheultimatefangirlsinourformativeyears,weren’twe?Ithink,likethebutterflyeffectorawaterdropletonLauraDern’sskin,ImightneverhavestartedGeekyChefifIhadn’tmetyou.

KyleCyree,yourexperienceandadvicewhenitcomestomakinganddrinkingalcoholicbeverageswasinvaluable.Thankyouforbeingsuchanawesomeboss,youhavehelpedmeimmeasurablyonbothapersonalandprofessionallevel.

AmandaandBrianBackur,thankyoufortakingthetimetotestsomeoftheserecipesformeandgivingmesuchgreatfeedback.Ican’twaittomeetlittleBeowulf!

Thankyoutomyeviltwinsister,CassandraRabini,forbeingasoundingboardformymomwhileshelookedfortyposandgrammaticalerrors.AndforwatchingTheLordoftheRingswithmethirteentimes.

ThankstoDenisCaron,fordesigningmyamazingnewlogo,whichIadoresomuch,andtakinginstridemyflightsofwhimsyandever-changingmindinregardstothecreationofsaidlogo.

ThankyoutoMichaelMolina,foralwayshavingawesomeideastosharewithmeandforalwaysboostingmyegowhenI’mdownonmyself.Iwillseeyouagainoneday,Iswear.

ThankyoutoJeannineDillon,forfindingmylittlebloginthegiganticmessthatistheInternetandmakingthisbookhappen!Also,thankyoutothe

thatistheInternetandmakingthisbookhappen!Also,thankyoutothemarketingteamforbeingsosupportive!

Tomyreaders,oldandnew:Firstofall,thankyouforexisting.Youaresuchagreatgroupofgeeks.

Ihopethisbookhelpsyoumakemanywonderfulanddeliciousmemories!ToeveryoneelseIlove,hopefullyyouknowwhoyouareandthankyoufor

toleratingme!

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

CassandraReederisanexperiencedblogger,avidhomecook,andlifetimegeek.Foroversixyearsshehasbeenhelpingothergeeksallovertheworldmaketheirfictionalfoodfantasiescometrueatwww.geekychef.com.CassandracurrentlylivesinSanFranciscowithherhusbandandpetparrot.Shehasnotyettrainedherparrottosay,“Helpme,I’vebeenturnedintoaparrot!”butshe’sworkingonit.

INDEX

AAdventureTime(TVshow)78AirNomad’sFruitPies120–121Ambrosia20–21Avatar(movie)120–121Avengers,The(comicseriesandmovie)80

BBabylon5(TVshow)44BaconPancakes78–79BattlestarGalactica(TVshow)21beverages,alcoholic14–39Ambrosia20–21ChateauRomani26–27Graf22–23Grog37–39HotSpicedWine18Mead36Miruvor32–33MolokoPlus16–17Mudder’sMilk28–29PanGalacticGargleBlastervii,30–31RomulanAle34–35SerriceIceBrandy24–25SpiceBeer19

beverages,non-alcoholic1–13Blood12–13BlueMilk2–3ButterBeer6–7Klah4LonLonMilk8–9

RedPotion5Slurm10–11

BigKahunaBurger88–89Bioshock(videogame)101Blood12–13BlueMilk2–3Bowie,DavidviBowlO’Brown66–67BuffytheVampireSlayer(TVshow)80BulgarAshkhan84ButterBeer6–7ButterCakes100

CCakeBlock108–110cakesandcupcakes94–115ButterCakes100CakeBlock108–110CauldronCakes106–107CellularPeptideCakewithMintFrosting114–115Creme-FilledCakes101–103DeliciousMoistCake98–99LemonCakes96–971UpMushroomCupcakes111–113SweetRoll104–105

CauldronCakes106–107CellularPeptideCakewithMintFrosting114–115ChateauRomani26–27CheeseBuns52–53ChocolateSaltyBalls130–131ChroniclesofNarnia,The(Lewis)118ClockworkOrange,A(movie)16cookingandingredients,anoteonviiCram45Creme-FilledCakes101–103

D

DDarkTower,The(King)22DeadlyPremonition(videogame)83Deeper’n’EverPie90–91Defiance(TVshow)84DeliciousMoistCake98–99desserts116–31AirNomad’sFruitPies120–121ChocolateSaltyBalls130–131Poffins128–129PumpkinPasties123–125Sea-SaltIceCream126–127TreacleTarts122TurkishDelight118–119

Diablo(videogame)5Discworldseries(Pratchett)42DoctorWho(TVshow)28,46DragonbreathChili74–75DragonridersofPern(McCaffrey)4Dune(Herbert)19

EEarthbound(videogame)60ElderScrolls,The(videogame)49,104ElixirSoup68EllaEnchanted(Levine)vElsweyrFondue49–51entrées76–93BaconPancakes78–79BigKahunaBurger88–89BulgarAshkhan84Deeper’n’EverPie90–91Gagh92–93Hasperat85RockSirloin86–87Shawarma80–81

Sinner’sSandwich82–83

FFiggins42–43Firefly(TVshow)27,58FishFingersandCustardix,46–47FruityOatyBars58–59Futurama(TVshow)10,48

GGagh92–93Gaiman,Neil36GeekyChef,The(blog)vGoodHuswifesHandmaidefortheKitchin,The6Graf22–23Grog37–39

HHarryPotter(Rowling)vi,6,106,122–123Hasperat85Hitchhiker’sGuidetotheGalaxy,The(Adams)28HotSpicedWine18HungerGames,The(booksandmovieseries)52,64

KKingdomHearts(videogame)126Klah4

LLambStewwithPlums64–65LandBeforeTime,The(movie)vLastAirbender,The(movie)120LegendofZelda,The(videogame)v,5,9,24,68–69,86Lembasvi,54–55LemonCakes96–97LonLonMilk8–9

LordoftheRings,The(booksandmovies)vi,19,30,36,45,55

MMartin,GeorgeR.R.36MassEffect2(videogame)33Mead36Minecraft(videogame)5,108Miruvor32–33MolokoPlus16–17MonkeyIsland(videogame)37Mudder’sMilk28–29

O1UpMushroomCupcakes111–113

PPanGalacticGargleBlastervii,30–31PeanutCheeseBars60–61PlomeekSoup72–73Poffins128–129Pokémon128Popplers48Portal(videogame)98PulpFiction(movie)88PumpkinPasties123–125

RRedPotion5Redwall(Jacques)90RockSirloin86–87RomulanAle34–35

SSea-SaltIceCream126–127Serenity(movie)58SerriceIceBrandy24–25

Shawarma80–81She-Ra:PrincessofPower(TVshow)44SilentHill(videogame)100Sinner’sSandwich82–83Skyrim(videogame)36,104–105Slurm10–11snacksandappetizers40–61CheeseBuns52–53Cram45ElsweyrFondue49–51Figgins42–43FishFingersandCustard46–47FruityOatyBars58–59Lembas54–55PeanutCheeseBars60–61Popplers48SoylentGreenvii,56–57Spoo44

SongofIceandFire,A(Martin)18,66,96soupsandstews62–75BowlO’Brown66–67DragonbreathChili74–75ElixirSoup68LambStewwithPlums64–65PlomeekSoup72–73Yeto’sSuperbSoup69–71

SouthPark(TVshow)130SoylentGreenvii,56–57SoylentGreen(movie)56SpiceBeer19Spoo44StarTrek(TVshowandmovieseries)34,48,72,85,92,114,130StarWars(movieseries)2,34SuperMarioBros.(videogame)111SweetRoll104–105

T

TThorcomics36TreacleTarts122TudorEra6TurkishDelight118–119

UUltima(videogame)5

Vvampires13

WWhedon,Joss27,80WorldofWarcraft(videogame)5,27,74,130

YYeto’sSuperbSoupv,vi,69–71

DedicatedtoGretchenReeder(1922–2014).Youreadmestoriesandbakedmecakes.

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