the fuddler april 2013

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Est. 2002

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered

All electrical work Testing and Certification

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AMPTHILLELECTRICAL

SERVICES 01525 632921 07977173452

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT

40 Yrs experience Fully Insured Special Rates for OAPS!

Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc

Free Estimate01525 288207

07500 431131

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE

85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282

www.thefirsatridgmont.co.uk

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS!

ACCOMMODATION FROM ONLY £20.00 pppn!! (Contractors welcome)

DISCOUNTMOTs

IN AMPTHILL

Total Fleet Care

See our ad on p 14

Hello again everyone and as always a huge welcome to yet another jam-packed edition of your Fuddler! As ever we very much hope you enjoy the issue - you’ll find lots of fun and nonsense inside, local events and of course those all important messages from

our advertisers. As we always mention please look carefully at what they have to say as - ‘Whatever you are looking for, you’ll find it in The Fuddler’! If you decide that you too would like to advertise with us all our contact details are on page four.

Mercy in Action

Summer Fete

Face painting

Vintage stalls

Cakes

Craft stalls

Book stalls

Free entry

Childrens games

Ampthill - Baptist Church Dunstable Street - Ampthill Bank holiday Monday - 6th May 10.30am - 4pm

Tuck shopCall the Doc for -

Hardware & softwareDiagnosis & treatment

Sick PCor

laptop?

[email protected]

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

With Spring hopefully now here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.


Saturday 18th May at 7.30 at Ampthill Methodist Church. Admission £7 children free. Tickets available on the door. Programme: John Rutter ‘Magnificat’ and Puccini ‘Messa di Gloria’

Are you a wine buff or a wine bluff? Now is your chance to find out! Ampthill Festival is delighted to invite you to a Call My Bluff Wine tasting event at the Wingfield Club on Saturday 13th April. The only thing you can be sure is NOT a bluff will be the excellent quality of the wines you will taste as the event is being hosted by Cambridge Wine Merchants who, of course, only deal in great wines! There will be a bottle raffle, a fun quiz and a chance to win a bottle of each of the wines you taste! You will also be able to purchase some Cambridge wines during the evening and some tasty refreshments to help soak it all up! A warning: ticket numbers are limited so you need to be very quick off the mark as this event is always hugely popular. Tickets are £15 each and can be bought at Cambridge Wine Merchants, Church Street or The Cottage Bakery on Dunstable Street. Further information available from Jill on 07840932930 or Belinda on 07880734148 All proceeds will go to Ampthill Gala Day (a free day out for all the family on Sunday July 7th)

Friday 1st June sees an exciting choir concert at St Andrew’s Church in Ampthill featuring

NIA QUAIA from Germany. There will be Pop, Jazz, Swing and Gospel. The event starts at 8.00pm and entry is free. Refreshments will be available and donations will be most welcome.

‘Ready to move on after separation, divorce or bereavement? Are you 45 +? Then visit our website or contact Ken or Jean below to meet new friends and restart your life. We meet at 7.30 pm at Husborne Crawley Village Ha l l , Schoo l Lane , Husborne Crawley MK43 OXE, on the 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month and we organise a full social calendar each month. Please contact Ken on 07957 122496 or Jean on 01234 750923 for more details or see our website at www.simplyforward.org.uk We hope to hear from you.’

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

STEPPINGLEY CRICKET CLUB Steppingley Cricket Club are an expanding club with new facilities including a new pavilion and outdoor nets, who are looking for new players for the upcoming season. We play in the Beds Saturday Cricket League against local village sides and new to this year, a T20 competition. We will be holding regular outdoor practices on Wednesday nights once the season starts so you can blow away those cricketing cobwebs or if you are just after an excuse to get down to the pub afterwards! If you are interested in joining either email [email protected] or visit steppingley.play cricket.com.

Sharman LawS O L I C I T O R SIncorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you,your family and your business

1 Harpur Street, BedfordTelephone: 01234 30 30 30

Email: [email protected]: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

88 Dunstable Street, AmpthillTelephone: 01525 750 750

Also available Tinting, Eyebrow shape & Waxing Call Alison on 07956 467352

4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available

SHELLAC UV GEL POLISH NOW AVAILABLE

Bio Sculpture Gel Overlay & Shellac Gel Polish (Includes shape & cuticle work) Hands £23.00 Toes £18.00

Mini Pedicure with Gel overlay £28.00

“Sunjunkie” Spray Tanning: Full Body £20.00 Half Body £15.00

Lush Beauty nails & tanning


“The Fuddler” i s pub l i she d by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to

[email protected]

Across: 1 Frugal, 4 Temper, 7 Ludicrous, 9 Gnat, 10 Lest, 11 Belie, 13 Tigger, 14 Damson, 15 Tracer, 17 Mentor, 19 Local, 20 Rile, 22 Comb, 23 Evolution, 24 Shiner, 25 Errand

Down: 1 Forget, 2 Glut, 3 Loiter, 4 Torrid, 5 Maul, 6 Rotten, 7 Laughable, 8 Sensation, 11 Bezel, 12 Easel, 15 Tarsus, 16 Roller, 17 Mantle, 18 Ribald, 21 Even, 22 Coir

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS Now the weather

seems to be clearing I am rather hoping

that Mellors will have the time to exercise

his considerable topiary skills as

the fortifications on the eastern boundary are warranting some

attention. Meanwhile Duster IV

has taken it upon himself to collect the morning post for me!

Ciao

A BRIANISM I think you should always wear new

shoes for a couple of days before you put

them on.

Maulden Garage Ltd

Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road MauldenBeds MK45 2AE www.mauldengarage.com [email protected]

01525 862877

Free local delivery and collection service

FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS

Modern Classic or Vintage

Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts

Classic Rally Car Preparation and on event service support

o Routine Foot and Nail Care o Corn & Callus Removed o Treatment for Verruca o Footcare for Diabetic Patients o Problem Nails o Nail Reconstruction

Anna Buczek MCFHP MAFHP Mob: 07809 731 520 Tel: 01582 967 873

Collections l Deliveries

Light Haulage l Cheap Rates


1 2 3 4 5 6

7 8

9 10

11 12

13 14

15 16 17 18

19

20 21 22

23

24 25

Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment

G

I

T

E

P H

A T

S

Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Down: 1 Leave (6) 2 Consider (4) 3 Wild cat (6) 4 Tilt over (6) 5 Arm bone (4) 6 Strong wind, party inf. (6) 7 Hodgepodge (9) 8 Beautiful (9) 11 Berate (5) 12 Large bird (5) 15 Hifi (6) 16 Spry (6) 17 Tray (6) 18 Ramble (6) 21 Against (4) 22 Rebuff (4)

Spaghetti

Across: 1 Witchcraft (6) 4 Clasp (6) 7 Type of falcon (9) 9 Iota (4) 10 Ice skater’s jump (4) 11 Abstemious (5) 13 Envisage (6) 14 Character (6) 15 Sudden wind (6) 17 Vacillate (6) 19 Couch, bed (5) 20 Book of the Bible (4) 22 Astonish (4) 23 Arbitrate (9) 24 Quirk (6) 25 Bandit (6)

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways

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Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252Email: [email protected]

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONS

NICEIC Approved Contractor

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

Painting and Decorating For all your interior and exterior

decorating requirements. City & Guilds qualified

Professional, clean, reliable and friendly service.

Fully insured. For a free competitive quotation please call Paul

01525 404645 or Mobile 07747 755943 www.prcdecorating.co.uk


VERBAL ETCHINGS FROM THE BIG

OAK CHAIR It was a good job Meerkat answered the phone….it was her zany friend Dot. She had written a letter to Meerkat updating her on the antics of the Bog Troll and had lost her address……Sure enough a couple of days later Meerkat duly received the letter…. Hello Meerkat, Hope you are well…here is the latest news from ‘Bog Land’ which I thought would i n t e r e s t y o u … . O u r adventurer and undercover reporter Bog Troll, reported

from a conference of scientists locked in a debate for the demise of “Anagallis Tenella” - bog pimpernel to you and me – which had suffered dreadfully by the damp boggy ground through drainage and the introduction of roads that dry out its habitat; and of course with no glaciers coming from the Arctic Circle as they melt, to replenish these important sites they had suffered badly. This work had first engaged his famous ancestor Peat Bog Troll, the conservationist much ahead of his time, long, long ago in the wild habitats of Eurasia.One afternoon sheltering from the hot afternoon sun

under a rickerty, rackerty bridge, finishing off his detailed drawings of the bog pimpernel, he heard a trip trap of tiny feet above his head. The deep trumpetings and rumblings were all around him. A legend had begun. Many years later when reading a ‘Book of Tales’ to his young daughters, Scarlet and Pimpernel there was a story referring to a herd of goats going to the green, green grass on the other side, over a rickerty, rackerty bridge and of a Troll who wanted to eat them…..The deep velvet trumpetings and rumblings could be heard once more……….love from Dot

Hollis (copy right of letter Dot Hollis) “Well, well fancy that”, said Meerkat out loud to herself “I never knew the famous story of the Troll started like that…well I never” Meerkat decided to give her friend a quick ring to discuss events further and as she dialled the number, looking out of the window a very rare sight could be seen….a small round orangey red ball came from behind the clouds and it was warm and inviting…OH my…it was that very, very rare object of these days …… THE SUN!!! “Hello Dot…is that you?” …Meerkat here………..

Copyright reserved

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. Silver, jewellery, porcelain, pictures and much more.

01525 290950. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ

Open Tues to Fri 10am until 5.30pm, 11am until 5.30pm Sunday www.townhallantiques.co.uk [email protected]

PS We’re always looking to buy as well

Sunday Roast

Try Our Extra Special Weekend Menu

Roast meat with Roast Potatoes and Vegetables £8.95Sirloin Steak Chips, Peas, Mushrooms & Onion Rings £7.95Chicken Chips Peas & salad £6.50Ploughman's Lunch Cheese & Ham, Salad & Crusty Roll £6.00Southern Fried Chicken Burger with Chips & Salad £6.00Homemade Fish Pie with Peas and Salad £6.50Lasagne with Garlic Bread and Salad £6.50

Choice of MeatWith Roast Potatoes and ParsnipsYorkshire Pudding and lots of Veg

All for just £8.95Served between 12-4pm

No need to book - just turn up!

Bell’s Breakfast just £4.50Skip’s Breakfast just £6.00Breakfast Burger just £6.00

Ampthill’s Famous Breakfast

Also see our main - Menu Meals start from £4.50

Disco and Karaoke

7.30pm onwards

Sunday 5th MayBank Holiday Weekend

Ossory Arms9 Arthur Street, Ampthill,

Beds MK45 2QQ01525 841188

Every third Thursdayof the month

And Our Main Menuis Served All Day Everyday!

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DG01234 752566 [email protected] www.vowles.co.uk

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice... and much more.

Ring to book a free, no obligation meeting today!


Welcome to a NEW WORLDfor dogs and dog care at Maulden Garden Centre

Doggie World is a new concept in caring for thefour-pawed members of your family.On site we have a dog crèche, grooming salon, self dog wash,microchipping, tag engraving and a specialist pet shop

Does your dog fret while you are at work? Drop your dogs at our daycare facility for all-day play and stimulation at our DOG CRÈCHE

Inside and outside areas for exercise, rest and playShort of time? We’ll pick up and return your dog to your home

Everything for your dog from an extensive range of specialist feeds, treats, toys, beds,coats, collars and leads to every doggie gift you can possiblyimagine.

Your dog too dirty to put in the bath?Then try our purpose-built, self dog wash withall the professional equipment you need.

On-site grooming salon also available

Call us now on 01525 862866See us on-line at www.doggie-world.co.uk

e-mail [email protected] come see how we put your dog first at

Doggie WorldMaulden Garden Centre, A507 Bypass,

Maulden, Bedfordshire MK45 2BJ


By Julio Van Peebles 1) Has anyone ever read 'Great Expectations' and found it to be not as good as they thought it would be? 2) Can a scarecrow be outstanding in his field? 3) Does anyone enjoy TV adverts? 4) Who can remember Manitas de Plata? 5) Why do some people hang carpets and plates on the wall?

Julio’s Top Tip: Always remember that whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door!!

... JTV reckons there are ten but we can only count seven, but we may be wrong - how many can you see?

With Jimmy The Voice This month JTV has been busy in his shed sawing up pieces of timber and has kindly sent us this picture. But how many pieces of wood are there? ...

Well done to Trevor Hale (Yvonne’s brother) for winning a Lion’s Easter Egg raffle and kindly donating it to the residents of

Leonard Cheshire, Agate House.

Happy Birthday to ‘The Naiad’

for the 4th April!! Love from everybody!

xxx

Hi Gabi, and a big welcome back to

Ampthill!!

Happy Birthday Choc for 5th April!

And that’s the darn thing of it!

01525 404334

ALL BRICKWORK AND REPAIRS

PLUS REPOINTING No job too small

Please ring Joe

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES

Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

Crystal Lemon Care Ltd is a well Established Family Run Local Employer Providing Home Carers to Elderly People and SupportWorkers to People with Learning and Physical Disabilities Living in their own Homes.

We are currently Recruiting for People who are able to provide Care and Support to these Vulnerable People.

Home Carers (Own Transport Required)

Support Workers (Own Transport Required)

Areas Covered: Bedford Central Bedfordshire & Surrounding VillagesCranfield Toddington Leighton Buzzard Hougton Regis & Dunstable

Excellent Rates of Pay & Mileage AllowanceFull Holiday & Pension Entitlements

No Experience needed as Training & Personal Development is providedAccess to Formal Qualifications

Permanent EmploymentFull & Part Time

Car Drivers Required(Consideration may be given to those with other independent transport)

Candidates will be required to undertake a Full CRB Check at Enhanced Level

Further Details can be obtained by calling Danielle on 01525 404950 or alternativelyEmail [email protected]


I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart. Women are definitely the stronger of the sexes. Thousands of years being left to hold the baby has really built up our arm muscles. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. I enjoy long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. My friend’s husband is so silly that she won’t allow him to let his mind wander. It’s too little to be out on its own. The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? You only have to leave a phone ringing once or twice in your life to appreciate that important calls always ring back - there, one less pressure in your life. If all is not lost, where is it?

1. A mechanical model of the solar system is known as what?

2. Where would you find the ‘Hypothalamus’?

3. Where does the cheese ‘Venaco’ come from?

4. Who created ‘Brother Cadfael’? 5. ‘Tiding’ is the collective noun for

which creature? 6. Apart from the obvious what is

a ‘Grunt’? 7. Who presented ‘Blue Peter’

from 1990-6? 8. ‘For there she was.’ are the last

lines of which book? 9. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m

‘Ochophobia’ what would you fear?

10.When was the siege of ‘Charleston’?

1 Orrery, 2 Brain, 3 Corsica, 4 Ellis Peters, 5 Magpie, 6 Fish, 7 Diane-Louise Jordan, 8 Mrs Dalloway, Virginia Wolfe, 9 Vehicles, 10 1780 Babs was having a really good spring clean and decided to go off to the depar tment s tore to purchase various items that she decided would really brighten up her home. All was going very well until she walked into the curtain department and asked the sales person for some pale pink curtains in the size of her computer screen. The salesperson was quite surprised at her request and politely pointed out that computers do not have curtains. ‘But I have Windows’ said Babs sensibly.

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead

& surrounding villages.

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email: [email protected]

Building Preservation Specialists Damp Proofing Woodworm Treatments Dry / Wet Rot Treatments Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655Mobile: 07850 727752

email: [email protected] Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

BOB AMBLER

CARPENTRYInternal & external doors inc. made to measure

Staircase renovationsBuilt in cupboards etc...

FITTED FURNITUREMade to measure fitted furniture for:Bedrooms, Studies and Bathrooms

Traditional and modern styles inc. sliding doorsFree Designs and Quotations

01525 405393 07889 058345


Your wonderful photos keep coming in and thank you so much! This month, on the left we have Tony and Brenda in Ceylon with their Fuddler (and a fairly large friend!) and below is a brilliant picture of Mike reading his Fuddler in Tenerife. (And you’ll notice he has a friend too - albeit smaller!)

If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read away from home please send them in to [email protected]

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857

1000+ Ales from April 2010

THE PERMANENT BEER FEST

SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2013

11th - 14th April COME AND CELEBRATE

OUR 3rd BIRTHDAY at our famous

BEER FESTIVAL!!

Wed 1st May We’re 'Going for the Record'

by introducing the Longest Bedfordshire Clanger!

Come and try some of this famous dish for Charity

Cutting from 8pm

CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2012

OUR OTHER PUBS ARE: The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable

(Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300

The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033

The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632

The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford - Tel: 01462 628448

Seven Stars, Albert Square, Rugby, CV21 2SH - Tel: 01788 561402

www.banksandtaylor.com

www.donatellos.org 91, Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: (01525) 404666 Free parking available

Homemade food served in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere

®

(Tues to Fri - Including Good Friday)

PASTA • SALAD • COFFEE


We’ll let me tell you about what’s been going on in your local store,

About our new product ranges, we have so much more. With the summer toys that have just come in,

I say with a smile and a very big grin, (summer yeah who am I kidding lol.)

Oh and not forgetting our new range of bubble making toys, On sale now for all you young girls and boys,

And we have things new for the adults too, A new range of books just in for you.

Bread, milk, biscuits, 100pk tea bags, and 2pk kitchen roll, each for just one pound,

So why not pop in, and have a good look around. While it’s still raining and freezing cold

We still have umbrellas, hats, gloves and scarves, to suit the young and the old.

Oh and while I remember people are asking me where my supervisor has gone,

He’s popped over to Flitwick, don’t worry he won’t be there long.

I know you are all missing him, when he offers you our link deals for a pound,

That’s why I employed him, a great sales man I have found. (it’s my great training really lol)

So there’s so much more to be found in our store, So many great offers you just need to walk through our door.

SHOP LOCAL MARTINS NEWSAGENT 17 CHURCH STREET,

AMPTHILL 404096 PRESS RELEASE: SAVE £10 PLUS FREE DELIVERY FOR NEW CUSTOMERS WHO SIGN UP TO OUR NEWSPAPER

DELIVERY SERVICE. SEE IN STORE FOR DETAILS.

AWARDWINNING SUNDAY ROASTS,OPEN LOG FIRES

Country pub in a fabulous villagelocation only a couple of minutes

fromWoburn Safari Park.Traditional home cooked food, real ales

and wines by the glass

The Green ManChurch EndEversholtMK17 9DU

Telephone – 01525 288111Website www.greenmaneversholt.com

JOIN US FOR LIVE MUSIC FROMOUR LOCAL BANDS

1st Thursday of the month‘THE CODEBREAKERS’3rd Thursday of the month‘THE OTHER BAND’

Don’t forget 2 Course Lunch Mon Fri only £10.00!

Sales Assistant, Antiques CentreThe Antiques Centre based at Woburn Abbey arecurrently recruiting a full time Sales Assistant on a fixedterm basis initially for six months to assist in the dailyoperations of the Antiques Centre. The hours will be 40hours per week over a 7 day rota which will includeweekend and Bank holiday working.Working as part of the Antiques Centre you will beexpected to provide a high standard of customer serviceand that sales and associated administration is completedaccurately and efficiently. In addition you will beresponsible for providing administrative support to theCentre Manager and, at all times, take a proactiveapproach in promoting the Antique Centre, supportingand building customer and dealer relationships.We are seeking applicants who can demonstrate a passionfor delivering a high standard of customer care within ateam environment. Good people and communication skillsare essential and a flexible attitude is also required.Previous experience of working within Antiques would bea distinct advantage.If you are interested then please email a copy of your CVand a brief letter detailing why you would like to work forthe Antiques Centre at Woburn Abbey [email protected] by 14th April 2013.


Friday 12th April to Sunday 14th April a group of at least 26 intrepid walkers of all ages - The Greensands Ridge Rovers - are tackling the Greensands Ridge Walk from Leighton Buzzard to Gamlingay aiming to raise large sums of money for The Brain Tumour Charity (Charity registration No: 1128354) helping fund more research into this devastating illness. If you would like to know more or make a donation please go to https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/greensandridgerovers1

SATURDAY 25th MAY 2013 REGISTRATION 11:30AM – ENGINE AND TENDER

Please support us again by entering the annual Ampthill “Fancy Dress” Three Legged race. Last year we raised approximately £5,000 which has enhanced the lives of three local people who were in need of support. Additionally, some of the proceeds continued to support long standing projects in Gambia (Adult Education and Schooling) as well as the purchase of a Tilling Machine for a local village, thereby increasing their much needed crop yield. One of this year’s projects is to enable a seven year old Gambian Girl to undergo complex heart surgery. The proceeds from the race will play a significant part into making this happen. So please continue to support the charity, especially by entering into it and giving generously to change this little girl’s life. Nomination forms and further information available from all participating pubs or via the web page on http://www.ampthillthreeleggedrace.com

ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN If it’s on - it’s on here!!

Tel: 01525 403319email: [email protected]

Engine & Tender - Bar

OPEN MIC NIGHT Thursday 2nd May

QUIZ NIGHT

Sunday 28th April Cash Prizes!

MEAT RAFFLE

£1.00 per ticket - lots of prizes

MAY DAY BARBEQUE Monday May 6th

On our sun trap (!) patio - food served

from 2.00pm

FOOTBALL MATCHES

April 12th Luton v Grimsby

April 16th Luton v Newport

We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate,

Station Road, Ampthill, MK45 2RB

Telephone: 01525 405055 Mob: 07821 179619 / 07891 282689

Web: www.totalfleetcare.com

DISCOUNT MOTs IN AMPTHILL

Plus ... Servicing and repairs for all types of vehicles

Free local delivery and collection Bodyshop Tyres and exhausts Courtesy car available Discounts for Pensioners Vehicle recovery service


Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer

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ROCKET’S SECOND “GRAND TOUR” ON A

B.M.W. MOTOR CYCLE Continued from last month: Monday 2nd July 2012 There are a few convenience stores still open. I pulled up at one just as a man and 4 kids tumbled out of an orange Ford van. After buying a bottle of water and crisps to keep me going, I asked the man at the counter if he knew of any hotels nearby, he gabbled something to the other man who had come in the shop. He said “you English, I speak good English, my sister works at a Hotel down the road, follow me man I’ll take you there”. He excitedly spat out from his boozy breath spraying me

with whatever he had been enjoying that evening “ you an adventurer man, where are you going?” I gave him a rough plan of where I was heading, he said” great man you got to live life to the full ehh?” So off I set with my new found guide veering up paths and driving on the wrong side of the road on a couple of occasions. We stopped at a garage on the way for a couple of minutes where his brother was still working, a bit of hand shaking took place with him also and then off again flat out into the Belgian streets! “There man” he pointed to a lovely looking small hotel “See you and have great adventures”. We shook hands and off he

went wheel spinning off the kerb to the wrong side of the road, then jerked the steering wheel back in time to meet the correct lane, kids bumping around in the back having a whale of a time!! The room with breakfast was only 55 euro, Perfect! My opinion of Belgium has gone up now. What a great place to meet someone on the off chance, who’s sister works in a late opening hotel at 11:30pm in a small shop that speaks English and was willing to guide me to the hotel!! Unbelievable! Its a restoration of my faith in luck and human nature! 392 miles covered and it’s still only Day 1.

To be continued next month

With Geoffrey THE Golfer On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon, Nigel stood on the first tee at the local Golf Club. He had just pulled out his driver when a young woman in a wedding dress came running up to him, crying. She slapped him in the face, turned and ran away. Nigel turned to his golfing friend and said calmly, 'I don't know what her problem is. I distinctly told her only if it rained.

GTG

Happy Birthday to Bob for 8th April

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Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in: ‘This is a highly unusual paragraph of writing about a hippopotamus known as Jumbo, and his pal Finch, a blackbird, who both ran away from a zoo in Holland. (Finch would happily sit on Jumbo’s back and slowly pick off any unsavoury looking grubs.) Luckily, though, Jumbo was swiftly caught prior to any harm coming to him or his city and was brought back to his

zoo. Not so luckily though, Finch took flight and was lost on his way with his many chums. But can you spot what is so unusual about this story? Nothing is wrong with it as such, or is it? If you study it and think about it you may find out. No doubt if you work away - a solution may dawn on you, who knows? But aim to do this without any aid at all. If you try hard and work at it you might find the solution. Normal is about half an hour.’

Answer below

There are no e’s in the story

Happy Birthday ‘Hayleyweeney’ for

the 26th April! Love from everyone!

Birthday Greetings to Katy for the 16th April

It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

‘I fink I worked out that I’ve been working all my working life.’

The Jolly Coopers, Wardhedges, Flitton, Beds Tel: 01525 860626

Bobbi and Ian look forwardto extending youa warm welcome.

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Traditional countryvillage pub offering

Good Food, Good Beerand a good selection ofwines by the glass.

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Oh, and me! J x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO For 17th April

Love from all your friends!!

5. ‘Vampires come from Pennsylvania.’

6. ‘I’ll get the train from Amsterdam to Paris and then into France.’

7. ‘I know the score but I can’t remember who won.’

With The Imp 1. ‘Measure once, cut

twice.’ 2. ‘I was originally born in

County Durham.’ 3. ‘ I t w a s d o n e in

calligraphy writing.’ 4. ‘He’s a ladies girl he is.’

Here’s another picture from our worried reader that this could be further extreme case of identity theft!

And thanks again!

Happy Birthday to Peter for the 15th April, from your younger brother!

Happy Birthday ‘Tinky Winky’ for the 20th!

Birthday greetings to Roger for the 7th April

Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association

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Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: [email protected]

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ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive

Ampthill MK45 2TX

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training

38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training,

Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU


37 Church Street Ampthill

MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30

Managed by the community for the community

Pop in this 2013 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form. Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales &

Scotland. Ask at the bar

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL

Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for hiring rooms

EVENTS FOR CLUB MEMBERS Organised trips to the races Barbeques, Sunday quizzes, Race nights, Treasure Hunts Golf tournaments Fishing Club Doms – Monday nite in the Ampthill & District League Doms – Thursday nite in the Shillington & District League Crib & Doms - Monday nite inthe Maulden & District League Darts – Wednesday nite in the Ampthill & District League Pool – Bedfordshire County League Every Sunday a meat raffle Karaoke Coming soon – beer festival

We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities

with free facilities.

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Happy Birthday to ‘The Mouse’ for the 27th April!

Happy Birthday for 6th April!

Take 62 26th March

Congratulations to Mark & Lizzie on your Silver

Wedding Anniversary

A BIG Happy Birthday to Lanie for the

27th April

Has St Geoffrey been 'Fuddled'? .... this Eastertide outside his establishement of good reading material and goodies of delicious taste, swaying in the the arctic breeze, a string of blue and yellow balloons ... (the colours of the Swedish flag) ... Oh dear! ... but it was Easter ... should that not have been yellow and purple?...

If you’re quick you could book your advertisement in the next edition of The Fuddler!

For more details or to book your space please ring Martin on 01525 841434

With Ann, Robin & Son, Here’s even more of the daft answers that game show contestants come up with when faced with the pressure of the cameras! Something you’d find in an operating room: ‘Operator’ An animal with three letters in its name: ‘Alligator’ Something that comes with a summer storm: ‘Snow’ Something you’d yell at if it stopped working: ‘Spouse’ Something you might buy that could turn out to be phony: ‘Horse’ Something you feel before you buy it: ‘Excited’ An animal whose eggs you would never eat for breakfast: ‘Hamster’ Something you might accidentally leave on all night: ‘Shoes’ A food that comes smoked: ‘Tobacco’ Something London is famous for: ‘Pasta’ The longest you have been on the telephone: ‘Alaska’ One of the three bears: Yogi’

Thanks once more


With Mrs Pinkleton

When the kids were asked what advice they would give here are some of the answers that they gave: 1. When you get bad marks

in school, only show it to your Mum when she's on the phone.

2. Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.

3. Never try to baptize a cat. 4. Beware of cafeteria food

when it looks like it's moving.

5. Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mum told you to do.

Thanks again Mrs P.

Hello to everyone! I am an actress who is appearing in a new series of a highly popular US television police drama. But do you recognise me and the programme I am in? Answer at the foot of the page.

Happy Birthday to ‘Fenny’

for the 4th April!

Saffron Burrows - Law & Order Criminal Intent

FARMERS MARKET AT WOBURN Don’t forget the famous Woburn Farmers

Market is on the 21st April and held on the Pitchings in Woburn from 10 - 2.00. Come and

peruse a great variety of fresh produce! Tuesday April 23rd

Come and celebrate St Georges Day at the Queens. With

quintessentially English music and a gentle supping of Bombardier

BANG ON!

Wednesday May 1stMAY DAY

CELEBRATIONS!Open from 7.00am for a delicious full

English breakfast with Redbornstoke Morris

and other dancers after they have

danced in the sunrise at Ampthill Park!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAYOur highly popular quiz starts at 8.00pm

sharp with our resident Quizmaster - there’s no entry fee and everyone is welcome!Please arrive early to be sure of a seat.

SUNDAY ROASTS AT THE QUEEN’S HEAD

We are pleased to offer delicious Sunday Roasts served all day with a choice of meats plus fresh vegetables. But please book your

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Redbornstoke Morris in action!

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but I was a bit smug! Partly because I was the only person to succeed, which was great, but mainly because the Aussies hated seeing a POM win! To any equestrian types out

there, I apologise for the terrible seat and composition, many different riders had a go at this and the one before me s h o r t e n e d t h e stirrups, it seemed a bit ‘precious’ to take more t ime to lengthen them, I preferred a long stirrup but this was just a bit of fun. OK my heels are up so it’s mainly my fault!

Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

City SlickersPart 6

Jousting Aussie style East Australia, 1976 The following day, the weather closed in on Pikes Flat and while we did lots of interesting things like counting trees, counting horses or drinking beer, it was too miserable to really “Do Stuff” as the young folk sometimes say?& About 1600hrs, when the weather cleared, Jack Lovicks son Charlie came up with an idea from the days when India was ruled by Bri ta in . Personally, I believe we learnt as much from India as they did from us, if not more, including pyjamas, dinghy, dungaree, khaki, shampoo, chutney, juggernaut, veranda, bungalow, gymkhana, I could go on, and that’s just

vocabulary, let alone culture and wisdom and much Math! However, Charlie was referring to tent pegging, this involved a rider carrying a lance, cantering towards a tent peg and picking it up, on the lance to bring it back to the applauding audience. No great feat for experienced lancers, but well beyond all of us peasants! So a more achievable task was set, a flattened cornflake box was placed on the ground and each rider would approach this as fast as possible, armed with a sharpened 12 foot stick, and attempt to spear the target and bring it back to the judges. One poor horse was singled out for this tortuous exercise; I believe her name was Nell, a s t rong mare wi th the temperament of a devout Nun, accompanied by a similar obedience!.

So rider after rider would mount poor Nell, who had already trekked several miles that day, and have her ribs kicked in while some tripper would try to guide her to the cardboard patch and spear the target, Well I dare say that Nell was a bright beast because when it came to my turn she had got the hang of it. She did a wonderful light canter straight to the target, (OK a fast ragged trot with a hint of canter), and with little effort on my part; I skewered the Cornflake box and brought it back. The photo here was taken on a primitive instamatic camera and the quality is poor but if I am looking a bit smug, I apologise

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Do you remember the now-defunct pram race? When the athletic would stride purposefully through the town followed by the nor so athletic stumbling and wheezing in their wake. The crowds would throng the route and shirt sleeve orders were in force. Parkas had been banished to the wardrobes and hats were worn for shade rather than warmth. Post-race barbeques would be dusted down and ignited and socialising would take place under a balmy evening sky. As I write this, with Easter a few days away, the ground is carpeted with snow! What happened to global warming? It now appears that these doomsday predictions were based on flawed science and manipulated statistics. Al Gore’s video ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ which was once considered essential viewing for all schoolchildren now languishes, discredited and forgotten, at the bottom of the geography teacher’s drawer. If the predictions were to be believed the Sahara would have expanded northwards and reached Derbyshire and polar bears would be homeless, with the resulting melt waters submerging the low countries. Hold on! Isn’t the EU based in Luxembourg, one of those low countries? Quick, I beseech you, switch on another appliance! P.S. The ‘Still enjoying a good innings’ ex landlord has created a monster. What started as an innocent pork pie consumed on a Friday night in a local hostelry has ballooned into a full finger buffet. Is he trying to make amends for the frugality he endured during rationing some 70 years ago?

Happy Birthday Rocketman for the

9th April Happy Birthday

Martin B. for the 22nd

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Santa Sleigh. The weather caused havoc with our Christmas Santa Sleigh programme and we were unable to visit some of the planned venues. We do apologise to those we did not get to see. Our thanks go to all those who helped “run” with the Sleigh. Teams involved were: Ampthill Rugby Club, Randy’s Runners, Orchid Lawns, St John Ambulance, ATC Cranfield, Flitwick and Ampthill Sea Cadets, Midshires Search and Rescue, ATC Henlow. Parcel Packing. We spent an enjoyable evening packing over 100 parcels before Christmas which were then distributed to senior citizens in the local area. Moonraker Sponsored Night Walk for MS Trust. The presentation evening for the teams raising the most sponsorship money for this walk was held in January. We were pleased to welcome the Barclays Bank Flitwick team who, with the full support of Barclays Bank Flitwick, took the 1st Prize and the Phil Davies Shield. In a very close 2nd place was a team from Flitwick British Legion who were giving 50% of their money raised to the Poppy Appeal. Other organisations taking part in this annual event were: Cranfield British Legion, Orchid Lawns, Cranfield ATC (3 teams), Harlington Carnival, Flitwick and Ampthill Sea Cadets (2 teams), Bedford Hospital Stroke Unit (2 teams), Flitwick ATC (2 teams). The Lions Moonraker Walk is now a well-established nightwalk around Flitwick Moor. This is run on a 50/50 basis and teams give 50% to our stated charity and can keep 50% for their own organisation or specified charity if they so wish. This year’s successful walk raised £4,158. Information about our next walk, which will be in October, will be on our website. Since the walk started 8 years ago approximately £40,000 has been raised for charities. Lions work within the community, would you like to get involved? C a l l 0 8 4 5 8 3 3 2 8 8 3 o r v i s i t o u r w e b s i t e www.ampthilllions.btck.com for more information.

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If you think you know drop us an email to [email protected] Answer next month!

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Well, last month’s photograph seemed to get lots of people stumped so I will have to reveal to all that the picture was of the river Flit, taken at the corner of Clophill Green, adjacent to the bridges and at the rear of the delightful Flying Horse pub and restaurant! But thanks to everyone who had a go. So this month Algi and I have been delving into our old pictures and have found this fascinating picture. We are not sure when it was taken but hopefully you will recognise it. If anyone knows the approximate date we’d love to know!

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Sunday14thAprilwww.Flitwick10k.org.ukt: 07734 920080

10.30am StartChip to Chip TimingMemento & GoodiesRefreshmentsExtensive Prize ListFree Juniors Fun RunRunning Kit at Discount Prices

2013

25th ANNIVERSARY1988-2013


Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier: The Ambulance Service in East Anglia is getting a massive amount of bad criticism. But I would like to say a big thank you, in fact a VERY BIG thank you to the boys and girls at the Ambulance HQ. They arrived in about 10 minutes of me breaking my leg and safely delivered me to the nearest repair department. Our baby deer is still here, it’s gone walkabout across the road and across the fields but each morning it is back again having been brought back by it’s mum. We get to about 4 feet of it daily and it will stand up for a while - lovely creature. Towards the end of February the family went into the garden on 3 dark nights to see the International Space Station fly over Fuddlerland just before 7.00 pm. They had good views of it as there was no cloud. The next time it will be visible here will be towards the end of April. My neighbour said ‘I’m going to felt my garden shed roof tomorrow.’ I said ‘I felt it yesterday and it seemed OK to me.’ Not many people know it but Ridgmont used to have quite a large castle; it stood on the high ground behind the houses just opposite the village Church. I used to have a map with it marked. On looking round the site there is nothing to see. Foundations could still be there. A couple of evenings ago I posted 10 letters, all second class mail and going in different directions. The furthest one was to South Creran way north of Oban up in the Scottish Highlands. I had a phone call mid morning next day—the letter had arrived. I was amazed, I feel certain that the P.O must have hired Lewis Hamilton to do the delivery.

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Mammoth Man’s Roast for the Slow Cooker

When asked the other week ‘whether one could roast a joint of meat in a slow cooker’, I immediately offered a negative response. Over the following few days I researched this idea and was surprised by the amount of positive results. However, I was still very sceptical but decided on trying it out nonetheless. As always when I try out a new recipe in my slow cooker, I get very paranoid about what will happen if I do not watch over it, all manner of fictional disasters could occur and obviously never do, but it does not stop me from staying in all day gazing disquietly at the see-through lid to see what was happening below.

On this particular occasion I chose a half leg of lamb, the trick being to get one big enough to enjoy but small enough to fit in the pot. The recipes I looked at suggested putting the joint in dry, this only increased my anxiety and went some way in reassuring my presence during the cooking. I resisted all urges to place any amount of liquor in the pot and placed it in. I did however pour what little juices there were in the bowl over the joint and turned it on. Frequent trips into the kitchen during the early stages of the cooking forced me to glance at the lid and inspect the goings on, all seemed perfectly well and before long there was a delicious smell of lamb cooking harmlessly coming from the kitchen. 8 hours or so later I was enjoying some of

the nicest tasting tender roast lamb I have had for years. With my confidence assured I will now happily put a joint of lamb, beef or pork in my slow cooker and leave it all day. This is an ideal way for either the mature student who has immersed himself studiously into academia all day and returns home to a wonderfully cooked roast, or the working man who has to make the early morning trips to the city and comes home late from the trials of driving all day or indeed for the gentlemen of leisure who has had a hard day trawling the local hostel r ies before returning home for supper. All one needs to do now is to boil or warm up some vegetables and you’re done.

The Process Place the joint of choice into the slow cooker and switch to

slow, it does not require any water or stock as it will cook in its own juices and will taste that much better. No vegetables are necessary. Leave for at least 7 hours (my example above cooked on slow from 09.30 -17.30) remove and let stand for 10 -15 mins before carving. Sprinkle a stock cube into the juices of the meat still in the slow cooker, if you have any gravy granules make up some thick gravy in a jug and pour this into the slow cooker too and stir well. Serve with your favourite veg. The biggest problem you will have with this recipe is having the confidence to leave it whilst you’re out, trust me it works, oh and the other problem I had was leaving it for 10 – 15 mins before being tempted to carve a bit off to try........enjoy.

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the fuddler april 2013

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