The Five Stages of GriefKübler-Ross Model

By: Joshua Packer

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Who was she?Dr. Kübler-Ross was a Swiss psychiatrist. She pioneered the field of near death studies and wrote “On Death and Dying”. In her book she wrote several personal conversations between patient and doctor. She began studying those that were going to die after realizing that the universities had virtually no knowledge on the topic.

In 1969 Kubler-Ross published her book, “On Death and Dying.” From this book came our 5 stages of grief.

Denial• In the face of shocking

information denial is a coping mechanism that allows one to collect themselves.

• Denial is often accompanied with self-isolation.

• It can last from a few seconds to several months or more.

Anger• Anger comes when one begins to

realize that the situation is not going away.

• “Anger is displaced in all directions.”

• The angry individual is very difficult to comfort and care for.

• It is important to not take the things that they say personally.

“You are making me angry. You won’t like me when I am angry.”

“…go to Him [God] when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away.”

-C. S. Lewis

Bargaining• Frequently this bargaining

happens between the individual and God.

• It may go something like this: “Please let me live! I will be a better person. I will live a healthy life. Just don’t let me die!”

• Because of this desperate state of mind the “Beggar” frequently finds themselves feeling alone.

I’ll do anything…

Depression• Frequently after passing through

denial, anger, and bargaining the reality begins to set in.

• “There is nothing I can do.”• This can bring feelings of

hopelessness as the individual realizes that they cannot control their circumstance.

It’s hopeless…

Two parts to Depression

Reactive Depression• This comes from an

accumulation of the past and current losses.

• Built brick by brick on our shoulders.

Preparatory Depression• This is coming to terms with

the loss that we are about to face.

• Often this leads the individual to quiet contemplation.

Acceptance• “Acceptance should not be

mistaken for a happy stage. It is almost void of feelings…”

• This does not mean that there can be no happiness.

• Rather this is inner peace that may allow for the individual and the family to find joy elsewhere.

Applications

• Death of a loved one• Divorce• Disability• Loss of a job• Bad grade on a Presentation