the five deadliest networking mistakes _ linkedin

25/7/2014 The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes | LinkedIn

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If you make a bad mistake on the job search, what's the worst that can happen? You mightnot get the job, and as frustrating as that is, sometimes it's just not meant to happen. If youreally fumble the ball and you don't get hired, maybe those people didn't deserve you.

As an HR person I've seen countless gaffes and missteps made by job-seekers, of course.(And let's not even talk about the cringe-worthy social errors and faux pas hiring managersmake in the recruiting process. The worst half-dozen of those incidents collectively took acouple years off my lifespan, at least.)

Hiring managers will give a job-seeker slack if they like the guy (a unisex term) and feel theycould do great work together. I don't want you to make mistakes on your job search,forgetting job interviews and that sort of thing, of course, but I also understand that a jobsearch is stressful. When we are stressed it's hard to keep all the details together.

As for hiring managers, anyone who doesn't understand that a job search is stressful (andthat job interviews give most people jitters) shouldn't be making hiring decisions in the firstplace.

If you mess up an interview or blow a job opportunity, be easy on yourself. What isexperience for, but to try and fall on your face and get up and try again? We wouldn't learnanything if we did everything perfectly the first time.

It's different with networking. Networking mistakes are typically not victimless crimes. Peoplewho don't understand networking routinely throw their friends and trusted colleagues underthe bus, and even when it's inadvertent, that kind of thing stings. Unfortunate networkingbehaviors can damage your relationships or destroy them altogether.

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The Five Deadliest Networking Mistakes

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So how do you keep your networking noseclean? If you avoid these Five DeadliestNetworking Mistakes, you'll be ahead of thegame.

DON'T PUSH FOR A TRANSACTION

Networking is a slow and patient activity, like gardening. When you network, you plant seeds,and over time you water them and give them sun. You're cultivating relationships and learningabout people and their perspectives.

Networking is a personal growth activity and a way to give back.

If you're focused on the win you have in mind -- a prized introduction, a resume walked intoHR on your behalf or some free website design, for instance - then you're not reallynetworking.

You're creating a social space and social energy, in a coffee shop for instance, in order tojustify your request for a business service or good. That is impolite, and it isn't networking.

When you invite people to coffee to get them to buy from you, hire you or make anintroduction for you, you're turning a relationship-building activity into a transaction, and that iswrong.

You're not paying the person who is so kindly lending you time and attention, so unless thetwo of you have agreed otherwise, the only topic you can properly introduce at at one-on-one

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networking date that you suggested is "Tell me about yourself!"

Be happy for the networking time and any advice that you are offered. Don't push people toextend themselves for you when you have little or no social capital invested with them.

DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU

A woman came up to me after a conference and asked"What am I doing wrong in my job-search networking?""What are you doing right now?" I asked her.

"Well," she said, "My friends introduce me to people theyknow, and I ask them to coffee and I go to coffee with them.

At the coffee meeting, I pull out my resume and walkthrough it job by job, and ask them if they have anyquestions. Then at the end I ask them who else I should talkto in their company, and ask for an introduction to thatperson."

I started hyperventilating just listening to the job-hunter's story.On the flight home I wonderedhow those noble people sat through a forcible "walk through my resume" coffee date withoutrunning screaming into the parking lot. The woman with the resume doesn't realize she'sthrowing her friends under the bus -- the friends who made the introductions that sentencedtheir friends to those painful all-about-my-resume coffee dates.

When someone introduces you to a friend, go to the meeting without your resume. Sit and askquestions. "How long have you lived in town?" "Tell me your career story!" Keep this rule topof mind: it's okay to ask people for their advice on slight association; it's never okay to ask forintroductions before you're invited to.

DON'T STEAL INTRODUCTIONS

Wherever Dante stopped digging the rungs of hell,there is yet a lower one for people who use yourname irresponsibly to swipe an introduction theydidn't ask you for. It's happened to me a few times.

A sort-of-friend found out about a guy I know whowas doing a lot of investing a/k/a had a lot of money,and the sort-of-friend wrote to the guy and tried tosell him Florida beachfront property, using my nameas the connective tissue between her and the guy(and extrapolating his email address, which I hadn't

given her).

I heard about the beachfront-property pitch and expressed my displeasure. The lady didn'tunderstand what she had done wrong. "You're his friend, I used your name, so what?" shesaid. "I don't need your permission to use your name when I write to a guy."

The woman is mistaken. An introduction is offered or it's not. Don't drop names of friends whohaven't blessed the use of their names as door-openers.

DON'T ASK FAVORS OF STRANGERS

A fundamental misconception about networking is that it's appropriate to call or write toperfect strangers and ask them to do things for you -- to pass your resume on to the head ofHR, for instance.

Some poor guy is sitting at his desk and the phonerings. "Hi, is this Abishek?" a voice says. "Yes," yousay, mind racing as you try to imagine who it could be."Yeah, I found you on LinkedIn, and I'm looking for a jobin your company," says the voice. "Will you open somedoors for me?"

That's not networking. That's another abuse of thesocial frame for commercial purposes. Talk to yourfriends instead, and see who they know. Go to

networking events. Try the stuff I teach, Pain Letters and Human-Voiced Resumes. Step outthere. Don't call people you don't know and ask them to go out of their way for you.

It wouldn't be good judgment on their part if they did. What does "vouch for" mean, anyway? Itmeans that you can speak for someone. How can a stranger speak for you?



DON'T USE PEOPLE

Each person is valuable as an individual. The worst thinga networker can do is to treat another person like aconduit, a pass-through or a means to an end. It feels badwhen people do that to you.

When I first landed in Colorado in 2001 I had got somenetworking invitations. A woman was breathless to meetme. "I'm so excited to meet you!" she gushed. We met forcoffee.

"I want to tell you everything about myself!" she said, aninauspicious start.

"Then, if we have time, I want to learn what you do for aliving."

You know that thing where your spit catches in your throat and it makes you cough? Icoughed so hard I almost flew out of my chair.

"I'm trying to piece this together," I said. "You wanted to meet me very badly, but you don'tknow what I do for a living? Help me understand how this meeting came to be."

"Oh," she said, "about fifty different people told me that you know a ton of people. You couldmake introductions for my business.That's why I was excited to meet you!"

That's the kind of networking I want you to avoid, the kind where you value people based onthe size of their networks.

What matters in networking and in the workplace is energy. If the energy between you andanother person is good energy, you might become friends. That's when the concrete stuff -introductions, job leads and favors - will come in. Don't rush the transaction.

The power of the relationship, the communitrons that flow between you and your friend andthe mojo boost for both of you, when you can see those things, are the real prize.

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Tibor GaalBusiness Development Manager at DensionGreat article with an ironic hint to it: it is published on LinkedIn, the breeding ground fornetworking mistakes... :-)Hope this article will also help to eliminate the most.



Gostei (34) Responder 9 dias atrs

Arlan Mallone, Stephanie Staub, Brian Stevens, +31

Ness ErgaracSolutions Architect at MIT ServicesI had a bit of a giggle when i read this - because many people cannot help it but make it aboutthem, however much they try to disguise it. They do it under the pretense of "Lets just have acoffee and a chat", and it can turn into any conversation BUT the job networking. I think at theend of the day, if you love what you do, and it shows through your work and yourachievements, people will come to YOU, not the other way around. Being passionate aboutwhat you do is a lot more attractive than coming across as someone who is interested innetworking just so they can score that 'dream job'. So love what you do, not what others cando for you!:)Gostei (16) Responder(3) 8 dias atrs

Wilfred DeVoe, Andrew Cepeda, Elizabeth Miller, +13

3 respostas

Jeffrey ReaganEnvironmental Specialist Water Monitoring E&SC Natural ResourceManagement Community Engagement and StewardshipPerfectly said!Gostei (1) 8 dias atrs

Steven Rivera

Shree NanguneriPresident and CEO, Millennium Global Business Solutions Inc. USAYes indeed, "Pull," instead of "Push."Gostei (6) 8 dias atrs

Garreth Hartley FOREX / GOLD / GBPUSD / DOW / AUDNZD, Ernie Trapp,Jeffrey Reagan, +3

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Nobathembu LetsoenyoFaculty Librarian at University of JohannesburgGood read. Not sure which is worse - After I accept LinkedIn invitation - I receive anaggressive sales pitch with outside links to products and services - asking for my telephonenumber AND anyone else I would be willing to subject to the same. OR Someone wants toknow the job prospects in SA often in industries I am not connected to, expect me to walkthem through the work permit administration so they can gauge their chances of getting intothe country at a certain pay level. Generates such warm and fuzzy all the time.Gostei (13) Responder(2) 9 dias atrs

Ty Marinkov, CPA, Steven Rivera, Ness Ergarac, +10

2 respostas

Shree NanguneriPresident and CEO, Millennium Global Business Solutions Inc. USAThat could be one of the reasons to filter and screen prior to accepting theinvitation from strangers.Gostei (1) 8 dias atrs

Cecile Brevet

Susan HoffmanAward-Winning Blogger | Editor | Marketing Copywriter | Social MediaTeacherThankfully, LinkedIn has that blocking feature. :-)Gostei (5) 8 dias atrs

Steven Rivera, Elizabeth Darlene Weathers, Shree Nanguneri, +2

Abhishek NarayanBusiness Development Consultant at Catenon Worldwide Executive SearchGreat read! Especially the point where I saw my name AND the exact same incident thathappened to me :)Gostei (12) Responder(2) 8 dias atrs

Kevin Layton, irmgard megens, Steven Rivera, +9

2 respostas



Adam J. SmithSupply Chain Management Intern at Raytheon SASIf there is another Abhishek who hasn't received this call, give me your numberand I'll let you join the club ;)Gostei (1) 8 dias atrs

Ernie Trapp

Abhishek DayalBusiness & Technology AssociateWow, I was about to write the same thing! All Abhishek's are stunned :DGostei (5) 8 dias atrs

Abhishek Narayan, Ernie Trapp, Cheryl Mitchell, +2

Marc HackelBusiness Development Manager at BrunelLiz, yet another stupendous piece! Networking really is like gardening, and you cannot force aparticular seed to grow; that's why you have to sow a lot of them. One of my pet peeves ispeople who have no compunction about disappearing and then ringing me in two years, as ifthey had seen me yesterday, and asking for a favor - or even asking me anything. People andtheir time should be treated with respect! A network is not something to be tapped and usedthe way you would tap a bucket into a maple tree which you had ignored forever for its sap.Gostei (11) Responder(1) 9 dias atrs

Kevin Layton, Chris Osborn, lisa sale, +8

1 resposta

Shree NanguneriPresident and CEO, Millennium Global Business Solutions Inc. USANice example. Network works when one works the group as a two-way street.Gostei (1) 8 dias atrs

Marc Hackel

Graham ParkerQuality Assurance Genius, Usability Mastermind"Deadly"

You Keep Using That Word, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means.Gostei (5) Responder(1) 8 dias atrs

Kathi Hostetter, lisa sale, Matt Flaig, +2

1 resposta

Derrick KnightAcoustic Consultant at Knight AcousticsNo Graham, you are doing it Wrong. Try this instead: "There is one word in thisarticle that is destroying your credibility with the world....PM me to find out whichone."

Click-bait title aside, I do normally find useful information in Liz Ryan's articles.Gostei (4) 8 dias atrs

irmgard megens, Kathi Hostetter, Cheryl Mitchell, +1

Marzia NeriMultilingual Quality Assurance Specialist Video Games Localisation AutomotivePublishing ExperienceI would be indeed excited if I met you.

But I would be curious to know what brought you to your current way of thinking. How you wereas a teenager. How dreams can come true.

And would like to entertain you with some of my stories.

Sometimes, when you ask you get what you ask for. But if there is no counterpart thistransaction is full of bad karma. I don't beliave much in karma, but I know myself that whenyour focus is helping others while looking for help, offering what you look for, wonderful thingshappen.Gostei (3) Responder(2) 9 dias atrs

Adam J. Smith, Fred Stawitz e Shree Nanguneri



2 respostas

Adam J. SmithSupply Chain Management Intern at Raytheon SASI couldn't agree more Marzia. A consistent focus on others is the the bestapproach. This methodology yields itself more to extroverts, so it's incrediblyimportant to be mindful and observational of the other person's introvert/extrovertbalance. Know your audience to better engage them in conversation!Gostei 8 dias atrs

Marzia NeriMultilingual Quality Assurance Specialist Video Games Localisation Automotive Publishing ExperienceSorry for the misspellings. With a smartphone set in Italian it's difficult to avoidthem. :-)Gostei (4) 9 dias atrs

Kathi Hostetter, Jan Hindrik Knot, Dr. Bob Tobin, +1

Lorena Oviedo AstorquizaProject Management Assistance | Multilingual | International Experience | Fundraising |Social Media WhizI learn everyday more and more about how to behave by making LinkedIn connections. Myconnections are people that I admire and that are awesome to talk to about professional stuff. Ihaven't asked anyone to give me a job. This is very impolite. It's like meeting somebody in abar...you never ask straight away if she/he wants to be the mother/father of your children...letthings flow.Gostei (3) Responder(6) 8 dias atrs

Ajit John, Fred Stawitz e Thomas Bauman

6 respostas

Elizabeth Darlene WeathersExecutive Assistant to the CEO, CFO & COOYes, I do understand! Thank you so much for responding! Funny thing is, I did saythis to my brother, if I am going to ask them will you tell them you suggested that Iask them for help! As far as treating others the way I would like to be treated,excellent advice, but I am asked on a daily basis to provide assistance in thisarea, due to my position as an Executive Assistant to the CEO, COO & CFO of anIT company, I am flooded with requests to pass on a resume. So, I just do it. Iguess I don't think anything of it. They are either qualified and get the job or theydon't. So honestly I don't mind people contacting me and asking me for help to geta job. I actually would be irritated to have someone approach me and ask me tohave a drink or go out then find out they wanted me to pass on a resume to one ofmy bosses. Above all I appreciate people being direct and honest and up front. So,this part of the article confused me but I only have my own values and perceptionsto work from. I was raised in W.D.C. where people do schmooz you first so thedirect approach is refreshing and what I prefer. I guess that is what makes theworld so wonderful, that we each have our own perception and what would botherone person is appreciated by another! Thanks again! It was very kind of you torespond to me!Gostei (2) 7 dias atrs

Kent Hervey e Lorena Oviedo Astorquiza

Lorena Oviedo AstorquizaProject Management Assistance | Multilingual | International Experience |Fundraising | Social Media WhizElizabeth Darlene Weathers I understand you as well. In your case (that's what Iwould do), I would ask my brother to tell his contacts in advance that I will contactthem concerning "help/advice".I have a sister, the smartest person I know, but even though she is my sister Iwouldn't advice her to just contact my connections. I will help her as well by beinga sort of bridge between them. In that way she will feel supported and myconnections won't react in a weird way. When I use the word flow, I mean it like ifthe contacts think you are a talented person, the job offer aspect will come byitself maybe, maybe not).In my opinion you should put in the shoes of the others. Would you like if peoplecontact you just because they are looking for a job? I hope you understand mypoint of view. Have a great day and I wish you the best of luck!Gostei (1) 8 dias atrs

Elizabeth Darlene Weathers

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Narmina TygerScientist, Sensory Research at IFFI don't think there's anything wrong with asking someone you barely know to pass along your resume.What's the worst that can happen? They may say no, big deal. Of course you shouldn't be pushy after that,but it's not like you're asking a stranger for a personal loan.

I'm always willing to pass along a resume to any HR contacts I may have, because you never know, maybeits the right person for the job and it's an easy-to-do selfless act.

If you're annoyed with people who try to ask you for favors that require nothing more than the click of abutton, considering it flattering that someone thinks you're influential enough to possibly help their career.Gostei (6) Responder(2) 8 dias atrs

Kent Hervey, Mabrook Shah, Courtney Klatt, +3

2 respostas

James KarasekCoach/Advisor at InsightWell said! I think "deadliest " might be a self serving title for this article but does make validpoints.Gostei 8 dias atrs

Elizabeth Darlene WeathersExecutive Assistant to the CEO, CFO & COOI hear all of these comments and I do not know how to let things "flow" if you are looking foranother job? My brother told me to go to his contacts and then ask them for help. He said thatis how it works. How do I let it flow with someone I have never met? I was honest and said mybrother is your friend and asked me to connect to you because you work, for example, atJohnson & Johnson, would you link to me? I don't really understand how to do this other thanbeing honest and direct. I am not trying to "use" them in a way that is unacceptable am I? Mybrother is a Sr. V.P. and he said this is what he and his friends do. I am confused. Thanks! DarWeathersGostei 8 dias atrs

Aninda BaruahProject Manager (Prince 2 Practitioner), Business Analyst, Pricing Analyst - ConsultantI think people "rush the transaction" because they start networking quite late in relation to theirprofessional goals. If I have to achieve something in 6 months time then I have to startnetworking today and not when there is just 1 month left. I have made this mistake quite a fewtimes.Gostei (5) Responder 8 dias atrs

siddiqur rehman, lisa sale, Rosamund H., +2

Maureen Stroup, MSM - Program Manager, TrainerVP of Public Relations - Today Club at Toastmasters InternationalYou have made some great points Liz. However, if" you are in job-seeking activities there isnothing wrong in asking to learn more about a persons company and job. Buy them lunch orcoffee just to hear what they have to say! It could be a good friendship too. I feel it is alsoimportant to offer to help them in some way, through a connection on Linked-In or someoneelse you know in your own network. Its 6 degrees of separation in the world. Also if thatparticular person asked for your resume and you get hired, many times they can obtain areferral fee. These fees provided at many companies can be from a few 100 to a few 1000dollars. A person should reach out, but be able to make it a win-win, not a take-take. IMHOGostei (5) Responder 8 dias atrs

Kent Hervey, JJ Childs, Rumana Abdullah, +2

Patrick ClarkPassionate and committed learning and development and management professionalAnd great drawings!Gostei (4) Responder 9 dias atrs

lisa sale, Cheryl Mitchell, Steven Green, +1

KALPAN DESAISenior HR Business Partner - India, USA, UK, UAEA very very useful and important article and at a right place "LinkedIn".Gostei (4) Responder 9 dias atrs

Vickie de Vries, lisa sale, Cheryl Mitchell, +1



Tom BettleBusiness Development Manager at Dryad Maritime Intelligence ServiceWOW!What an excellent article and, shame on me, I think I currently break all of those deadlynetworking sins!

I will learn... I will and slowly I may actually get better at appropriately engaging with my ownnetwork.

Thanks you for the wisdom.TomGostei (4) Responder 9 dias atrs

Roy Holland, Rumana Abdullah, Shree Nanguneri, +1

Bill BrickerDirector of Sales at WibiDataWell put Liz, you'd think that these 5 points should be obvious and you could sum it by saying"Be a decent human, not a machine". Unfortunately, networking is not an explicit lesson taughtin school, so it's good to have sage advice like this out there!

I'd posit a 6th Networking "mistake" that people make is simply: neglecting to network.Because of the abrasive way bad networkers go about business (as you eloquently depicted),the concept of networking often elicits a visceral, negative response when brought up. Ifnetworkers act on your advice and capitalize on the long term, mutual benefits of networkingthe right way, the practice would move from something relegated to selfish salesmen towards ahighly regarded success strategy that should be repeated continuously.Gostei (3) Responder 8 dias atrs

Priya Narayanan, lisa sale e Brian Schnitzler

Mark Sherry BrennanNew Business Acquisition Account Development at Accident Exchange >Identify>Engage >DeliverBoom! Pure gold from Liz...Gostei (2) Responder 9 dias atrs

Thomas Bauman e R James

Catherine HilliardMarketing and Communications ProfessionalSubtlety, manners and appropriate boundaries seem to be what you are focusing on here Liz. I agree with this and Tibor Gaal...

Through using social platforms and the internet for research people begin to expect to get tothe point immediately often forgetting that not only themselves but all the people involved inour interactions hope to get their needs met.Gostei (2) Responder 9 dias atrs

Darrell Drystek e Dr. Bob Tobin

Michael S. ErismanChief Human Resources OfficerThis is spot on and captures all the elements in one place. I am sharing with some of thepeople I know doing these very things today and then wondering why it isn't working. In myopinion and experience, I have used LinkedIn primarily to help others, and focusing on what Ican do for someone else may or may not open some doors for me later, but that has nocorrelation at all for whether or not I help. Sharing what I have learned, and helping others ontheir journey is the value of networking. To whom much is given, much is expected.Gostei (2) Responder 8 dias atrs

Florence Goins e Stephen Plourde

William AlexanderHelping Companies Grow and Achieve Success through Internet Marketing, Web Design& Development, SEO and Social MediaVery nice article. Love the artwork!Gostei (2) Responder 9 dias atrs

lisa sale e Thomas Bauman

Christopher S. BennettBusiness-savvy Data ScientistThank you for a very insightful and instructive piece.Gostei (2) Responder 8 dias atrs



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