1 Supporting education and medical research. Join us at BCAcampaign.com #BCAstrength

SHARED WISDOM FROM THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE

REFLECTIONS ON LIFE BEYOND BREAST CANCER

Disclaimer:The views, opinions and assumptions made or expressed in this

publication are those of the contributors and do not necessarily

reflect the official policy or position of The Estée Lauder Companies

or any agency of The Estée Lauder Companies.

Ownership:This document and the information contained within (Material)

is proprietary to The Estée Lauder Companies. The Material may

not be used for any other purpose (which includes reproduction

or transmission of all or part of the Material) without the express

permission of The Estée Lauder Companies.

4 5

Table of Contents Introducing the ‘Afterwards’ campaign

Professor Lesley Fallowfield Foreword

Introducing Paula Beetlestone

During | Living with breast cancer

Afterwards | Living beyond breast cancer

Afterwards | Learning from those who have lost loved ones

Elizabeth Hurley, Global Ambassador for The BCA Campaign

Epilogue: Paula Beetlestone’s hints and tips

Glossary of terms

Background to The Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign

7

9

15

19

125

163

193

197

203

215

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7

Given that so many people have

been affected in some way by cancer,

the 2015 Estée Lauder Companies’

UK Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA)

Campaign asks the often overlooked

question of ‘What happens Afterwards?’

Afterwards the book, aims to

speak to all breast cancer survivors,

including those that have recovered

from, or are still receiving treatment,

and the friends and family members that

love someone touched by the disease, or

have loved and lost someone to it.

The quotes, advice and anecdotes

in this book have been gathered from

real people who have been affected by

breast cancer.

9

Professor Lesley Fallowfield, BSc, D.Phil, F.Med.Sci,

Professor of Psycho-oncology, University of Sussex

Director of Sussex Health Outcomes Research & Education in Cancer

Professor Fallowfield is one of the world’s leading experts on oncology survivorship and lectures and trains around the world. She is one of a few international figures who have established psycho-oncology as an important subspecialty and has made an outstanding and lasting contribution to improving the quality of care received by patients with cancer.

11

A breast cancer diagnosis fills most women

with dread. It can also be a challenging time

for their families. All experience a myriad of

doubts and uncertainties about their future,

leaving many emotionally drained. Despite

this, a plethora of decisions need to be made

about the wide variety of treatment options

now available.

Thanks to the many advances made

in scientific knowledge about breast cancer,

improvements to surgical and radiotherapy

techniques together with more targeted

hormone and chemotherapy treatments,

many of the one in eight women who are

diagnosed with breast cancer now have

a realistic prospect of cure and 87% will

survive for at least five years or longer.

This means that many women and those

close to them are living with the after effects

of cancer, which can include physical and

psychological issues.

Long-term hormonal medication

may be required following surgery that

can produce hot flushes, joint pains, sexual

problems from vaginal dryness and fatigue.

Psychologically, there’s the fear that comes

from being brought closer to your own

mortality and the very real and terrifying

prospect that the cancer might return. But

sometimes, the breast cancer diagnosis results

in a positive reappraisal of many aspects of

day-to-day life – some women who have had

cancer will no longer worry about what is

perceived as trivia – who needs to clean the

kitchen floor when the sun is shining and

there are better things to do?

What works for one woman may not

work for another. We’re all different and the

13

wise words from those included in this book

demonstrate the many big and small things

that helped women through their diagnosis,

treatment and beyond. We hope sincerely

that others might find solace and comfort in

their words.

This book is entirely based on the

real experiences of women, and men, across

the country, bringing together comments,

insights and advice from a broad selection

of people who have been affected by the

life-changing impact of breast cancer. Unlike

much of the literature out there, Afterwards

explores the disease’s effects both during and

after treatment. It illustrates the different

ways - some poignant and moving, others

positive and uplifting – that women and their

loved ones can live well through and beyond

a breast cancer diagnosis.

Afterwards is the latest ‘action’

from The Estée Lauder Companies’ UK

Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign,

bringing to life The BCA Campaign’s message

that Every Action Counts when it comes

to defeating breast cancer. Together we’re

aiming to extend the symbol of the pink

ribbon beyond research, diagnosis and

treatment, and into a new territory that

shines a spotlight on an aspect of breast

cancer that is all to often ignored: what

happens afterwards?

15

Paula | 47

Diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2013. Paula had a double mastectomy, radiotherapy, and is undergoing further reconstructive surgery. She has a faulty BRCA2 gene. Paula fronts The Estée Lauder Companies UK ‘Afterwards’ campaign.

17

“In my experience you never completely

recover from breast cancer. When I was

first diagnosed with the disease, I almost

immediately went into ‘efficiency mode’. I

made lists of things that needed to be done,

people who need to be told and focused my

energy on what was going to happen next.

When my treatment started, my focus

became about recovery. I was going through

chemotherapy when my four-year-old son

was just about to start school for the first

time, and all that mattered was me being well

enough to be there with him on his first day.

Then remission came - I no longer

had any signs of cancer left in my body. So

what now? Should I have skipped off gleefully

and signed up for a marathon to show that

I was back to full fitness and happy to be

alive? Well actually, no, because I often

found (and still find) elements of my mental

healing harder than when I had the focus

of treatment, because the symptoms were

(and still are) less visible. This means that

women in remission, myself included, often

have to shoulder the mental anguish of the

aftermath of breast cancer all alone. But that

fear of it returning is always there in the

background and dealing with the fact you’ll

never truly feel like the same person you

were before - whether physically, mentally or

emotionally - is something that shouldn’t be

ignored. My advice would be to keep talking,

because people will only be able to know how

and when to help if you let them know that

everything’s not completely rosy.”

19

During Living with breast cancer

The impact of a breast cancer diagnosis and its treatment can be considerable and for some, long-term. Over the following pages, a selection of brave women and men share their advice on how to remain positive, provide support and cope when touched by this terrible disease.

21

On coping

23

Justine | 44

Diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2014 and due to have a

double mastectomy in October 2015.

“My advice would be to try not to worry yourself about the ‘what ifs’ and remember to never give up hope. Everyone has their own way of dealing with breast cancer. There is no wrong or right way to approach it.”

25

Rochelle | 55

Diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2015. Results of an Oncotype DX test will establish whether or not she will

need to undergo chemotherapy.

“I think it’s important to keep busy and not dwell on the negatives. I really believe that staying positive and mentally keeping an upbeat mindset helps with the healing process.”

27

Sharon | 36

Diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2013.

“I didn’t have time to have cancer with three young boys, two jobs and a love for running. Carrying on as both a mum and wife was very important to me, so I continued to do the school runs and work. I even went running between my chemo sessions. I would advise people to try to continue with life in as normal a way as their body allows.”

29

Guy’s mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer twice. The first

time was in 1989 and the second time was in 2011.

Guy | 34

“Try to stay positive yourself. Also encourage those going through cancer to think about the things they really enjoy doing, to help to keep their spirits up.”

31

Paula | 46

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, after her mother had suffered the same disease. Paula is currently

in remission.

“Everyone says I stayed so positive, but I was able to because my prognosis was good. Every cancer is so personal.”

33

Diagnosis came in 2011, when she had a mastectomy, chemotherapy and

radiotherapy. She is awaiting further reconstructive breast surgery.

Joanne | 49

“It has been an interesting ‘journey’ and I’ve gone through so many emotions along the way. Life won’t be the same again, but in some ways, for me, things have turned out for the better. It just took a long time.”

35

Ali | 43

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012. In 2013, she co-founded the

charity Annabel’s Angels, which raises funds to increase support for

patients, carers and families living with cancer in Derby.

“I’d say never lose your sense of

humour or take life too seriously. In

preparation for losing my hair, my

sister and I made Top Trumps-style

cards out of all my bad hairstyles of

the past. Growing up in the eighties,

this wasn’t difficult. Of course, losing

your hair isn’t laughable, but you

can have fun experimenting with

wigs and accessories. I appreciate I

have a unique sense of humour but

it worked for me, so find what works

for you.”

37

Tracey | 55

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007. She also lost her mother, 51 to breast

cancer in 1972.

“The breast cancer journey is like starting at the

bottom of a big hill when you’re first diagnosed

and facing a tough climb ahead. You start your

ascent towards the top having your treatment,

and once you are at the summit, you can see

the finishing line down the hill at the bottom

and you know that with each treatment, you

are nearing the ribbon at the end. For each

treatment you have, it is another one done and

therefore fewer to go. Having a goal to reach

encouraged me to face the treatment without

feeling worried or scared, knowing that it was

helping me recover and get to the end of my

cancer journey.”

39

Carole

Diagnosed in 1989. She underwent a lumpectomy and radiotherapy.

“I am very grateful for having got through breast cancer, and with time I’ve learned not to dwell on it. I would advise anyone going through breast cancer to just keep positive, and know that you are having the right treatment and you can get through this.”

41

Beryl | 72

Finished breast cancer treatment in 2011.

“Breast cancer treatment does not last forever, so just do what you can to look after yourself properly.”

43

On doing things your own way

45

Phillipa | 50

Found out she had breast cancer in 2011. She had a mastectomy,

chemotherapy and radiotherapy. She is planning to have a risk-

reducing second mastectomy and hysterectomy as there is a family

history of the disease.

“I’d recommend going at your own pace and not comparing yourself to other people, as everyone’s case and treatments are different. Comparing will only make you feel even more worried and anxious.”

47

Lara | 32

Says she’ll be ‘celebrating’ her one year ‘cancer-versary’ in October 2015.

“It’s okay to hide yourself away from the world and stay in your pyjamas. It’s okay not to want to see anyone. It’s okay to feel ugly and gross and unwomanly. Just remember it’s not forever and you can come out the other side feeling stronger and more empowered than ever before.”

49

Angela | 44

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014 and finished treatment in

April 2015.

“Listen to your own body and do what’s best for you.”

51

Martine | 54

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008. She had a partial mastectomy.

“Take time out for yourself, carry on as much as you can and continue to do the things you love. I appreciate everyday life, and I plan ahead and look to the future, because there is one to look forward to.”

53

Ali | 43

“The best advice I can offer would be

to embrace it all and go with the flow.

Looking back on my three years since

diagnosis, I have felt a huge spectrum

of emotions and they have all been

part of my unique way of coping.

There is no set path or correct way.

I’d say be true and kind to yourself.

There’s really no benefit to having

ridiculous expectations or giving

yourself a hard time.”

Lara | 32

“I don’t think you should compare

yourself to other patients going

through treatment. Trust your

instincts and do whatever you feel

like doing. Your body is a very

powerful machine, and usually if

you’re craving something – be it a

packet of salted crisps or a lie down

it’s telling you that for a reason. I

allowed myself to do one thing each

day. Whether it be going for a coffee

with a friend, going to the seaside

or friends coming over for dinner. I

found that if I did more than one

thing I would get too tired

and overwhelmed.”

55

Janine | 55

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011. She had a lumpectomy and

underwent radiotherapy.

“People often take their cues on how to behave around you from the way you deal with it. I tried to remain as upbeat as I could, which meant people around me mirrored this behaviour. It really helped me to remain positive throughout my treatment.”

57

On feeling better

59

Laura | 67

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011. Her treatment has finished,

but she is still on medication.

“On my last day of treatment, I celebrated by exchanging radiotherapy with retail therapy, and bought four pairs of shoes!”

61

Frances | 45

Diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2013. She underwent a full

mastectomy of her left breast.

“There will be those days when you feel down, but make sure you take the time to do things for yourself, such as a manicure or a facial. I used to treat myself and one day I bought a lovely perfume to help cheer myself up.”

63

Joanne | 50

Diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2013. She has since had a

double mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and breast reconstruction surgery.

“It helped me to keep a positive memories book where I would write down all the lovely things that happened that day. These included things like having a nice meal with friends, or when my son got his first three wickets in a cricket match. It’s so lovely to read this back. It’s something I still fill in everyday.”

Lara | 32

65

“Just because you have cancer and lose all your

hair, eyebrows and eyelashes, it doesn’t mean

you can’t still be glamorous. In fact, I found it

gave me even more reason to be glam. With

no hair you are a blank canvas and can have

any look imaginable. I often wore nothing but

bright lipstick, a bit of concealer under my

eyes and some blusher– it was a striking look

that really worked. With no eyelashes, my eyes

were a bit watery, so I didn’t always want to

put heavy eye makeup on.”

“You can still look beautiful and feminine, and

that can make you feel a bit more like yourself

again – sometimes you can feel like a man

when you lose your hair (and for some ladies

their breasts after mastectomies). A wonderful

charity for ladies with breast cancer is The

Haven. You go for an introduction day and

then get ten free treatments of your choice.

I had aromatherapy, acupuncture and

reflexology. It made me feel so cared for and

relaxed – almost normal again, even.”

67

Angela | 45

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012. She had a

mastectomy, chemotherapy and is awaiting further breast

reconstruction surgery.

“Life carries on and it will get better if you feel that it will. It’s about positivity and finding that inner strength. Having the type of mentality that the glass is half full will help get you through this.”

69

Catherine

Writer and yoga teacher, was diagnosed with DCIS (a very early

stage breast cancer), and is still undergoing treatment.

“I found that meditation really helped

me get through my treatment. There’s

a really simple technique, which I

would do even when going through

uncomfortable procedures, or when

my mind was racing with worry. The

technique is to focus on the breath

moving in and out of the nostrils -

imagine breathing in bright, white light

and on the exhale, release grey smoke.

Remember to carry on with

everyday activities whenever possible

and enjoy the pleasures of daily life

such as cooking delicious meals,

being outdoors, or just chatting with

good friends.”

71

“It’s the little things in life that can often make a woman feel special. Putting on make-up, and even putting a smile on your face, can show the world that you’re ready to face it.”

Angela | 44

73

On relationships

75

Michelle | 54

Diagnosed with breast cancer in early 2015, underwent

surgery in March and is still undergoing chemotherapy.

“I often find it hard to feel like myself. What’s important for me – and perhaps anyone going through cancer – is to surround myself with as many friendly faces and positive people as possible.”

77

Debbie | 43

Has a long family history of breast cancer, with her sister, mum and

two aunts all having been diagnosed with the disease. Debbie is currently

going through the process of an elective mastectomy.

“Going through breast cancer gave

me a different view about the world

and made me appreciate the more

important things in life. It made me

recognise that sticking together as a

family is so important, because it’s

better to go through this as a unit. We

all realised that petty scrabbles aren’t

important and that time is precious.

You may as well spend that precious

time being happy together.”

79

Deborah | 48

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011. She is still taking medication.

“For me, managing other people’s emotions was the hardest part – I was afraid that I was upsetting people by actually having cancer. I tried not to dwell on it and not become a

‘victim’. I just concentrated on the fact that going through treatment would be beneficial for my long term future.”

81

Pete | 35

Lost his wife Mair, the mother of their two children (aged just 10

weeks and 3 and a half years at the time), to breast cancer when she

was just 41. Pete is the founder of charity Mummy’s Star, dedicated to women and their families affected

by cancer during pregnancy.

“I remember getting a text from my wife

telling me that she had got frustrated

with her hair coming out so had just

gone into the shower and rubbed her

hair with her knuckles to try and get

it all out. Doing this had left her with

sprigs of hair all over the place, so she

asked me to shave it properly when I

got home. I have to say this is one of

the most intimate things we ever shared.

She trusted me at her most vulnerable

and it helped lift some of the issues

around her hair loss.”

83

Clare | 45

Diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in April 2013. She

underwent surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy soon after the

death of her partner.

“Going through treatment, when so

recently widowed, was lonely, tough

and horrible. There was no way I

could return back to my old life, so

I was open to reinventing myself. I

joined several new social circles, and

now have all sorts of friends I would

never have imagined I would have

had. I started a new relationship

because I realised that life can be

short, and I really wanted to make

the most of now, while I am well

enough to do so.”

85

Sam

Lost her best friend Danielle to breast cancer in 2010, shortly after

the death of Danielle’s mother in 2009. They founded Future Dreams

in 2008 to raise essential funds for further research and new

treatments into breast cancer.

“Survivorship is the best word to describe life after

breast cancer. Watching my childhood friend cope

with the shock of diagnosis, followed by gruelling

treatment and surgery and then given the green light

to go back into everyday life was daunting for her

and all her family and friends combined. The terror

of the disease returning was paralysing and isolating.

However, our solid relationship enabled

her to be open and honest about her innermost fears

and reality. I was honoured to share a wonderful

harmonious relationship with Danielle, and after she

lost her battle to breast cancer only twelve months

after her mother Sylvie lost her fight to breast cancer,

she passed on a baton to myself and her devoted

group of girlfriends to continue her legacy and

raise money to open a breast cancer support centre

in London that will give breast cancer sufferers

and their families a place to go and feel normal,

supported, calm, informed, a ‘haven’ that will care

for them in their darkest moments.”

87

On supporting others

89

Laura | 32

Diagnosed with breast cancer in early March 2015. She has

undergone chemotherapy and is due to start radiotherapy soon.

“Don’t be too afraid of saying the

wrong thing, it’s just nice to know

that people are thinking of you and

are there to help whenever you need

them. At times friends would offer

to look after my children after I

had chemotherapy; my mum would

sometimes bring dinner over too,

which was such a huge help. It was

good to know so many people were

willing to help.”

91

Sylvia

Diagnosed and treated in 2012. She is now well and having

yearly checkups.

“I feel it is very important that each person is able to follow their own path in how they deal with breast cancer and what feels right for them. Any carer, friend or family member needs to listen to their wishes and not pressure them down another road. This may sometimes happen because of their very understandable fear of losing a loved one.”

93

Alison | 53

Lost her mother to breast cancer 20 years ago. Her sister is currently

undergoing treatment for the disease, too.

“My sister and I enjoy every single day together, because we see each day as a bonus. She just wants to live life to the full.”

95

Lisa’s mother, who is 75, was diagnosed with breast cancer in

May 2015.

Lisa | 51

“My mother just loves to talk about her breast cancer, and this really helps her to get through it. Being there from the very beginning and offering her support allows her to stay positive.”

97

“For friends and relatives who know someone going

through treatment for breast cancer I would say

just be there. Whether it’s a text, a letter, a card,

an email, sending a crazy turban - I loved wearing

those throughout my treatment and have about 10

that friends sent me - a phone call, some flowers,

a picture, a CD compilation, a book, absolutely

anything. Your friend with cancer may not answer

because they have a lot on their plate but trust me

it will mean so much and brighten their day. It was

little things like that which kept me going. There

is nothing worse than ignoring someone because

they have cancer and you don’t know what to say

to them. There is no right or wrong. Don’t be afraid

to hurt their feelings, just knowing you’re still there

for them helps so much. I was so touched by the

love and support I received, it’s confirmed my faith

in humanity.”

Lara | 32

99

On taking control

101

“You can learn a lot about yourself when you feel

closer to dying. Yes, you can look and feel the roughest

you’ve ever felt. Yes, you can look like a bald man

every time you look in the mirror, but who cares? I

just kept reminding myself that it wasn’t forever. The

chemo was killing any potential cancer cells swimming

around my body, so in the long term I saw it as a good

thing. I took the decision to ‘own it’. I knew the chemo

would make my long blonde hair fall out, so I went

to the hairdressers and had it all cut super-short and

bleached platinum blonde. I felt like a film star. Then I

threw a head shaving party and invited all my friends

over. My oldest friend from school shaved all my hair

off and even gave me a Mohawk. That time I felt like

GI Jane. It could have been upsetting if I’d let it get

thin and it started to fall out on its own. But I decided

to be the master of my destiny, and it was a lot of fun.”

Lara | 32

103

On living life

105

Jenny | 44

Lost her sister to cancer and was diagnosed with breast cancer herself in 2014. She is currently in remission.

“As much as I lead a normal life there are some moments where I don’t feel normal, but I think it’s important to move forward and live the life handed to you.”

107

Natasha | 42

Finished her breast cancer treatment in July 2015.

“My motto is, ‘It is what it is’. You can’t change what you have, but life does go on and there can be a very bright light at the end of the tunnel. Living with breast cancer is very hard, but in the dark moments I think you have to try to keep focussed on reaching the end of treatment. It does end eventually.”

109

Sylvie and Danielle, mother and daughter. Sylvie passed away

from breast cancer in July 2009. Tragically, her daughter Danielle was

diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her lungs shortly before

her mother’s death and sadly passed away on September 2010. Future

Dreams lives on to realise Sylvie and Danielle’s dream of a future free of

breast cancer.

“When we both became ill we didn’t want to sit back, and watch the world go by. We wanted to do something positive to celebrate life and make a difference to the future.”

111

On distractions

113

Philippa | 37

Was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010. She celebrated finishing treatment just before

her 33rd birthday.

“I took up knitting as a distraction when I was too tired to do anything else. To cheer myself up, I’d go shopping, walking, visit friends or get a cuddle from my young niece. Those cuddles were the best medicine.”

115

On second diagnosis

117

Clare | 50

Film-Industry Executive, was first diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2013 when she was 48. After

undergoing chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy, which ended in

January 2014, she was diagnosed with bone metastasis in June 2015.

“My advice to anyone who has been

given the devastating diagnosis of

breast cancer is to be honest with

yourself and your friends and family.

You don’t go through cancer alone.

And you shouldn’t. I am one of the

unlucky ones whose cancer has

returned. It is hard telling anyone that

news but it was especially hard to tell

friends who had been through their

own cancer experiences. I worried

that the news would be as devastating

for them as it has been for me.

I guess if I was to pass on

anything else to anyone given the

news today it would be that you need

119

to be kind to yourself. It’s hard but

don’t spend any time on the ‘why

me’ conundrum. Live in the present

and the future. Treat yourself all the

time. You don’t have to be lavish,

small things make all the difference…

A trip to the cinema with friends,

a new lipstick, a long luxurious

bath with candles and oils. Take up

the offers of the complementary

medicine, try aromatherapy, reiki

and reflexology. This is all for you.

Not for your kids, your husband,

your friends, but for you.

Be kind to yourself and when

others offer to help, don’t say ‘I’m

fine’, say ‘thank you’ and then tell

them what you need from them.

Whether it’s someone to do a small

shop for you, to help prepare a meal,

to go to the post office or to help you

get the washing done. These things

are a gift from those who love you

and want to help. They need a steer

in what to do otherwise they feel

helpless.”

121

Alison | 67

Diagnosed a first time with breast cancer in 2000 and a second time

in 2014. She is a retired therapy radiographer and has treated

hundreds of women with breast cancer. Alison had a double

mastectomy, and chose not to have reconstruction.

“Give yourself time in those first few

weeks – it takes a while to adjust

to the changes ahead of you. The

second time it happened to me I

decided to go ahead with a planned

holiday and so delayed my surgery

by a month. This gave me time to

think, to talk through all my fears,

and to then start treatment in a

positive, rather than a frightened,

frame of mind.”

123

Jane

Diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer whilst pregnant.

It’s a gift, this life.

Shame I didn’t realise,

Before this wretched compromise.

The news was not tangible.

I was invincible,

Fearless by youthful principle.

But the nightmare became reality.

So ugly for a malcontent to wake up,

And see their best days spent.

“That life’s, my right,” I cried.

Two breasts, my health, a family

Not yet conceived to me.

And life was kind,

I held my child.

Then I could see,

This privilege was not owed to me.

It’s a gift, this life.

Once, it seemed blue.

Now, on this knife-edge,

It takes a rosy hue.

125

Afterwards Living beyond breast cancer

Many women who have had breast cancer live with the very real threat that their cancer will return. Others who have supported a loved one through breast cancer have a new ‘afterwards’ to live with.

Over the following pages, a number of breast cancer ‘survivors’ share their own experiences, fears and hopes after the disease has touched their lives.

127

On motivation

129

Elke | 41

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011. Mammograms in September

2015 showed no evidence of recurrent disease.

“I used to think that everything would go

back to normal after treatment; I couldn’t

have been more wrong. I don’t even know

what ‘normal’ is anymore. Cancer has

changed me, physically, emotionally and

mentally. But it hasn’t all been bad: I finally

learnt that I count and that it’s okay to treat

myself, as well as others. I learnt that ‘I’ll

do that when the kids are a bit older, when

we have a bit more money, when the sun is

out, when we’re retired’ might never happen.

My advice would be that if you really want

to do something you can. Do it! Do it now!

Start doing it right now. Otherwise, a few

years down the line, you might find yourself

wishing you were as young as you were when

you decided you were too old to do whatever

it was that you wanted to do.”

131

Lesley | 49

Diagnosed with breast cancer earlier in 2015.

“Following the end of my treatment

I am trying to come to terms with

the fact that the old me is no

longer here. I am now learning

to accept the mental and physical

changes, which have made me the

person I am now. I find that being

outside, breathing in the fresh air

and appreciating nature helps me

when I need to pick myself up. I

constantly remind myself that

there was a chance that I actually

might not have been here to enjoy

these moments.”

133

“Three months after my

chemotherapy finished, I took up

running. I’ve since done a number

of races and am currently training

for the Royal Parks Half Marathon

in October to raise money for

Macmillan Cancer Support. I still

wouldn’t call myself a runner (in

fact, I pretty much hate it!) but

I need a challenge and I will be

crossing that finish line even if

I’m crawling.”

Philippa | 37

“Remember to focus on all the amazing things about yourself. Be your own cheerleader.”

Ali | 43

135

“Work hard to get yourself as

physically fit as you can. This way

you gain by taking a bit of control

back, from the sheer feel-good

factor that exercise gives you. I

walked miles in the weeks and

months after my surgery, either on

my own or with friends. I gained

strength, lost weight, and felt fit to

face the world again.”

Alison | 67

137

On post-cancer support

139

Margaret | 77

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012 and finished treatment later that year.

“Following breast cancer – the anxiety, fear,

treatments, loss of hair (and personality,

too) – it was hard to become ‘me’ again. One

comes to dread seeing people as they don’t

know what to say. However, getting together

with a group of women of all ages at my local

Cornish after-cancer support group, Made for

Life, to share a little fun and understanding,

was perfect. We could ask questions of others

who had also recently been there; we could

fully understand the meltdowns and anxieties,

and praise every little improvement. We had

pampering days, which were bliss, as well as

art days, therapeutic discussions, craft days

and meals out where hair loss was completely

ignored. In my view, these groups play a vital

role in healing. Five of us have died since

January – we take nothing for granted and

are heartily grateful for the time we have.”

141

Marjorie | 56

Diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago.

“Having gone through a tough six years, I am thankful for life. It’s a skill to know when to ask for help and support. Just remember that there really are people out there who are willing to help.”

143

On feeling yourself again

145

“It’s hard to say how you get back to normal,

because I believe that once you have had

cancer you are no longer really the same

person you once were. That doesn’t have to

be a bad thing; you’re just a new ‘you’. One

that is often so much stronger, mentally, if not

physically, than before.”

Sharon | 36

“I didn’t feel like me for about the last three

months of treatment. I had gained a lot of

weight and had water retention – I just didn’t

see me when I looked in the mirror. I felt like

I had lost my sparkle. When you feel good, I

think you should go out. On the other hand,

when you don’t feel good you should probably

hibernate. Upon finishing my treatment, I felt

euphoric. There was – and still is – a niggle

that the cancer might come back, but it has

been amazing to start to get life back on track.

I’m finally starting to feel like myself again.”

Natasha | 42

147

Sian | 52

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006. She underwent a mastectomy,

chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and is in remission.

“My ‘afterwards’ is that I learned

to live for today and accept things

for what they are. Small things

became significant, such as my first

haircut (it meant I had reached

the stage where I had enough hair

to cut!) and the end of my regular

hospital appointments, a routine I

had become so used to.”

149

Annette | 53

Diagnosed with early breast cancer in April 2014. She

underwent a mastectomy, elected reconstructive surgery and

radiotherapy. She is currently undergoing further reconstructive surgery due to complications from

her first reconstruction.

“I thought that after receiving my

diagnosis, there would be treatment

and radiotherapy, then that that

would be it, but I’ve really had to

look after myself since. ‘Afterwards’

for me is everything I’ve had to do

to recover and all the support I’ve

had to rely on for this to happen.

It’s also been about getting myself

into a position so that I can look

to return to work and do more

socially. Getting to this stage has

meant more effort to eat healthily

and keep my brain ticking over by

learning new and inspiring things.”

151

Sally | 48

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012. She underwent a

lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy & had a year on

Herceptin , and is now in remission.

“When I was at hospital receiving all my

treatment and medication, I felt that I was

being looked after and protected from cancer.

When it all came to an end I

felt it was down to me to keep myself healthy,

and I found that quite scary. To me, Afterwards

has meant keeping fit andhealthy, and reading

up on things that can help prevent the cancer

returning. Afterwards is finding ways yourself

to deal with your future. People ask if it’s good

to be back to normal - they don’t realise just

how fantastic ‘normal’ really is.”

153

Jeff

Paula Beetlestone’s husband.

“Having lived through every stage

of my wife’s breast cancer - from

diagnosis to remission - I’ve learned

to appreciate the importance of

being open about its impact. Most

people are aware of the extremely

gruelling impact the disease has on

the body, but it seems few consider

the long-term psychological impact

it has afterwards. It goes without

saying that you will never be the

same person again, simply by the

nature of the experience, so I believe

it’s important to be able to talk about

how you’ve changed. Only then can

people around you respond to - and

support - the new you.”

155

On new priorities

157

Jean

Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003.

“Breast cancer opened me up to the possibility that anything can happen. For me, a workaholic singleton, this allowed me to embark in a relationship with the cute guy I met on a photography course. That cute guy is now my husband!”

159

“Time is so precious, and I use it

wisely. Having cancer has made

me value life a lot more than I did

before. It’s made me not worry

too much about the little things

that used to get to me – like

housework. I say live every day to

the fullest, as life is such a gift.”

Joanne | 50

“None of us know what is ahead

of us. Being told that you have

cancer is an opportunity to really

work out what is important to

you in your life and to adjust your

priorities accordingly. Just don’t

let cancer define you or your life.

It has its place certainly, but it

should stay in its place and not

become the only thing that you

think and talk about.”

Alison | 67

161

Emily | 32

Diagnosed with breast cancer on 1st October 2014 when she was

29 weeks pregnant with her first child. She’s since gone through

chemotherapy, a single mastectomy and a course of radiotherapy.

“Life after breast cancer is different.

Not dramatically life-changing

different, but a subtle difference both

in how you feel and how you view

your world and that of those around

you. Silly little problems that perhaps

once consumed you, cease to matter.

It’s a moment of clarity, about the

importance of life and I hope I keep

this. I’ve always been a glass half

full kind of girl but I think I am even

more so now. Life is precious and

most certainly for living!”

163

Afterwards Learning from those who have lost loved ones

Despite continued treatment advances and increased awareness, there are still many who sadly lose their lives to breast cancer.

The following pages contain stories and words of wisdom passed on by those who have lost a loved one to breast cancer, in the hope of providing comfort and inspiration to anyone experiencing their own loss.

165

Justine Picardie | Editor-in-chief of Harper’s Bazaar UK

Lost her sister, Ruth, to breast cancer just under year after she was

diagnosed in 1996, aged 32.

“The word afterwards is a very powerful and

potent one. It can mean surviving and it can

mean a very happy outcome. But it can also

mean living with breast cancer and living with

secondaries. It can mean a terminal diagnosis,

too. For me, and the many years that have

passed since my sister’s death in 1997,

afterwards means honouring her and her

memory. My sister Ruth feels much more than

a memory, though – she feels incredibly alive

to me. Not only because of her two wonderful

children who will turn twenty this year, but

because of the love we shared. Afterwards

means love, and love doesn’t disappear, death

doesn’t cause the end of love. Love continues.”

167

Laura | 25

Lost her mum to breast cancer in 2009.

“Seeing my mother go through breast

cancer and experiencing her strength and

determination always spurs me on. It has

made me into a stronger person today. I

will never forget the hand-written note,

which she wrote whilst in hospital, which

read; ‘Hope is everything, never give up

hope’. I will never forget these words and I

will cherish them forever.”

169

“Ignore expectation. There is so much

information out there at the moment that

is built around the perception of what

someone with breast cancer goes through,

but it seldom describes the real personal

experience. Your cancer is yours and

you will deal with it the way you see fit,

not the way others expect you to or the

stereotypical way that people presume. It

will bring about the rawest of emotion in

you and in your partner, but in the midst

of that there will be smiles and there will

be moments in the experience that you or

your partner will treasure.”

“Perhaps an odd suggestion, but my wife

began to refer to her cancer as ‘Larry The

Lump’. It put a smile in a conversation and

then it ceased to be an elephant in the

room. Might not work for everyone but it

made my wife giggle.”

Pete | 35

171

Brenda | 68

Lost her daughter-in-law to breast cancer in June 2015.

“My son and daughter-in-law

were very open with their three

children about breast cancer. They

explained how poorly mummy was

and the children were very upset,

but it was a top priority for them

that their lives stayed as normal as

possible. When they came home

from school, my daughter-in-law

loved to hear what they’d been up

to and their stories always put a

smile on her face, even in the most

difficult of circumstances.”

173

Emma | 31

Lost her younger sister to breast cancer when she was just 28. Her sister was diagnosed in 2011 and

again in 2014.

“I think it’s important to try and appreciate that this is a

life-long situation for so many people, whether they’re

undergoing treatment or dealing with a loss. Everyone asks

what they can do to help, and it’s easy to dip in and out –

send a text or an email checking in – but sometimes those

well-meant messages from people left me feeling even more

isolated. It felt like they were saying a quick hello out of

obligation and then going back to their lives – all it did was

remind me how much my life had changed. I felt left behind

for a very long time, and I’ve lost friendships with people

who didn’t, or perhaps couldn’t, appreciate the magnitude

of things. But on the plus side, I’ve found deeper friendships

in unexpected places, with people who do understand. Those

people have been a hundred times more helpful than they

realise, just by allowing me the space to talk freely.

The most important thing for me was learning

that it’s okay to talk – whether it’s about cancer or

bereavement – don’t let it be an elephant in the room.

People are so wary of mentioning it in case they upset you

or remind you about things, but for me it was worse when

people avoided the subject or tried to divert me away from it.

Glossing over terrible things doesn’t help someone suffering

– it just tells them that they should look elsewhere for support.

To support someone afterwards, you really have to be willing

to be in it with them and be a reliable presence.”

175

Becky | 46

Lost her mother, 53 to breast cancer in 1993.

“I felt angry and upset that my mum was

taken so young, at only 53 it seemed so unfair.

Throughout her battle, she always stayed

positive, and for this I have to applaud her.

Living without my mum at such a young age

has been hard and I feel sad that my children

will never really know her. I do think it’s

important to keep her alive in their lives and

I try and talk about her with them and tell

them her stories. She was a vibrant character

and is missed every day but never forgotten.

Grief is one of the hardest things

I have ever had to deal with and more so

because you can only really deal with it

alone, it is personal. It’s important to allow

people to grieve, no matter how long it takes.

Losing a loved one is the hardest pain to deal

with, everyone is different in how they deal

with it and to achieve some kind of normality

takes time.”

177

Katie | 25

Lost her mum to breast cancer in 2011. She had been battling it for

eight years and had fought into remission on four occasions.

“Remaining strong for my mother was important to her. Even after she had passed, we continued to celebrate her life. She was an avid shoe collector so we asked the ladies at her funeral to wear high heels, which we know our mother would have loved. Being there for the rest of the family has helped us get through this. It is such a relief to have people to talk to, there is nothing worse then keeping it all in.”

179

Sue | 62

Lost her mother and best friend to breast cancer.

“It was important to always remain

optimistic so it wasn’t all doom and

gloom. Treat anyone going through

breast cancer the same way as you

would have done previously and talk

to them about the same things you

would usually. I always reminded

my mum and best friend that I was

there for them if they needed me for

anything at all.”

181

Sam | 47

Lost her mum to breast cancer when she was 24.

“The thing that used to cheer my mum up the most was a good gossip and a cup of tea. Even when she was very ill in hospital, she would love to see her colleagues and hear what the latest office gossip was to feel normal and to still feel connected to people.”

183

Chyrell | 38

Has the BRCA2 gene and is having an elective mastectomy. She lost her

mum to breast cancer and her mum’s four sisters have also had the disease.

“My auntie would always say, ‘As long as you’ve got your lipstick on and your chin up, you’ll be fine.’”

185

Bob

Lost his wife Paula in March 2015 to breast cancer. Paula founded

Relay for Life, Aylesbury and raised £330,000 in her lifetime for

Cancer Research.

“Friends and family are an enormous source of comfort after losing someone close, especially young grandchildren. Being with them and seeing their lust for life just makes you realise that life does go on and it is impossible to be totally unhappy when surrounded by children.”

187

Sarah

Lost her mum Paula in March 2015 after suffering with breast cancer for

many years.

“Although losing mum is hard, I’ve tried to turn it into an opportunity to look at my life and make changes for the better, to reassess what really matters to me and how I want my life to be - it’s exactly what mum did when she was first diagnosed. It has given me a new love of life and better perspective to focus on the things that really matter and bring us joy.”

189

Helen

Lost her mum Paula in March 2015 after suffering with breast cancer for

many years.

“Having things to focus on and look forward to

has helped me cope – such as something fun

with friends at the weekend or a lovely family

holiday. Being able to make plans ahead of

time was something mum did throughout

her illness and it’s something I now make a

conscious effort to do. My family and friends

have been an invaluable support and my

children make the tough days brighter. My

advice to anyone in a similar situation is to

reach out amongst your support network,

accept the offers of help and take time out for

yourself when you need it. Cry and scream

when you need to just don’t bottle your

emotions up! Also, picture your loved one in

their happy place, pain free and relaxed.”

191

“Don’t let cancer tell you what to do. You are not defined by your diagnosis. You are you, not cancer, just as I am not defined by the fact that I am that young guy who lost his wife to cancer. Don’t lose sight of who you are.”

Pete | 35

193

Elizabeth Hurley

Global Ambassador for The BCA Campaign

195

“My beloved grandmother died of

breast cancer. When I first met Evelyn

Lauder, founder of the Breast Cancer

Awareness Campaign and the Breast

Cancer Research Foundation in 1995,

she told me that women all over the

world were dying of breast cancer but

no one was talking about it. Breast

cancer was only whispered about.

This struck such a nerve because my

grandmother didn’t tell anyone about

the lump she’d found in her breast for

a long time because she was so scared;

when she was finally diagnosed, the

disease was advanced.

After her death, I wanted to do

my part to honour her, and help spread

the message that catching the disease

early can hugely increase the chance

of successful treatment, and that’s

why I’ve supported The Breast Cancer

Awareness Campaign since my first

meeting with Evelyn. I hope people

everywhere learn just how impactful

each and every action can truly be in

bringing us closer to a world without

breast cancer. My action is to get a

mammogram each year on my birthday

and encourage women around the

world to do the same.”

Elizabeth Hurley

197

Epilogue Paula Beetlestone’s hints and tips

Paula’s advice to those who have been diagnosed and are starting treatment are to:

1) be yourself

2) look after yourself

3) let people help you

199

The little things that made a big difference to Paula’s journey through

breast cancer include:

• A simple text message from family

and friends

• A card arriving in hospital, or

at home, wishing me well and

sharing news of everyday life

• Being the recipient of

beautiful flowers

• A friend dropping by for

a quick chat, but only visiting

if they were 100 percent cold free,

because chemotherapy makes

the immune system so weak

• Gifts of simple plain food,

such as a loaf of bread

just after a dose of chemo,

when food was a necessity

but a chore, or when things get

better, a home made Bakewell

tart, or a basic dahl

201

• Kind gifts of essential

cosmetics and a few luxuries.

“When the chemo turns skin grey,

and makes your hair fall out, a

gentle foundation, eye and brow

liner a light brush of blusher can

help you walk out the house and

feel strong”

• The hospital and The Dimbleby

Cancer Care Charity who offered

six complimentary sessions of

reflexology during my chemo

• My sister’s care and help

whenever I needed it

• My husband being at every

consultation, and supporting

me at work

• A couple of kind friends ran a

sponsored marathon, raising

funds for us to have a carefree

holiday at the end of treatment

• Knowing that our son’s school

(who were fully informed) was

keeping an eye out and caring

for our son

• Colleagues and clients being

sensitive to my ability to work

and not being put off by the

days when treatment took over

• Box sets of gripping TV series

and films

203

Glossary of terms

Here is a glossary of medical words and terms to help you feel better informed about breast cancer, taken from Breast Cancer Care’s online glossary:

205

Advanced breast cancer

Adverse effect

Biopsy

Benign

Breast cancer that has spread beyond

the breast and the lymph nodes under

the arm to other parts of the body, also

known as secondary, stage 4 or metastatic

breast cancer.

An undesired or harmful effect resulting

from treatment.

Removal of tissue to be looked at under

a microscope.

Not cancer

BRCA1 (Breast Cancer1)

BRCA2 (Breast Cancer2)

An altered or faulty gene passed on at birth

from either parent that causes a permanent

change in a person’s DNA. People who

inherit an altered BRCA1 gene have a much

higher risk of developing breast cancer and

some other cancers compared with the

general population.

An altered or faulty gene passed on at birth

from either parent that causes a permanent

change in a person’s DNA. People who

inherit an altered BRCA2 gene have a much

higher risk of developing breast cancer and

some other cancers compared with the

general population.

207

Cancer

Chemotherapy

Complementary therapies

Chronic

A group of diseases in which malignant cells

grow out of control and may spread to other

parts of the body.

Treatment aimed at destroying cancer

cells using anti-cancer drugs, which are

also called cytotoxic drugs.

A varied group of therapies used alongside

conventional medical treatments.

An illness, disease or condition that is long

lasting and generally slow to progress.

Grade

Hormone therapy

Invasive cancer

The system used to classify cancer cells

according to how different they are to

normal breast cells and how quickly they

are growing.

Use of drugs to block the effect of

hormones on cancer cells; only used if the

breast cancer is hormone receptor positive.

Has the potential to spread to other parts of

the body.

209

Lumpectomy

Lymph nodes

Malignant

An operation to remove an area of

breast tissue with or without a margin of

healthy tissue; in breast cancer may also

be called wide local excision or breast-

conserving surgery.

Also known as lymph glands. Small oval-

shaped structures found in clusters

throughout the lymphatic system, for

example under the arm.

In cancer, uncontrolled growth. Invasive

cells that have the potential to spread

elsewhere in the body.

Mammogram

Mastectomy

Metastases

A breast x-ray.

Removal of all the breast tissue including

the nipple area.

Cancer cells that have spread from the first

cancer site and grown elsewhere in the

body, for example the bones. Also called

mets, advanced cancer, secondary cancer

or secondaries.

211

Oncologist

Primary breast cancer

Prognosis

A doctor who specialises in cancer

(oncology). An oncologist may be a medical

oncologist (cancer drugs specialist) or

clinical oncologist (radiotherapy and/or

cancer drugs specialist).

Breast cancer that has not spread beyond

the breast or the lymph nodes (lymph

glands) under the arm (axilla).

The likely outlook of a disease, whether

it is likely to be cured and the person’s

life expectancy.

Radiotherapy

Reconstruction (breast) surgery

Recurrence

Risk factor

The use of high energy x-rays to destroy

cancer cells.

Rebuilds breast shape after all or part of the

breast has been removed.

When a disease or condition returns. There

are several types of breast cancer recurrence.

In medicine, something that increases a

person’s chance of developing an illness

such as cancer.

213

Secondary breast cancer

Tumour

When breast cancer cells spread from the

first (primary) tumour in the breast through

the lymphatic or blood system to other

parts of the body. Also called metastases,

advanced breast cancer, secondaries or

stage 4 breast cancer.

An overgrowth of cells forming a lump;

may be benign (not cancer) or cancer.

215

The Estée Lauder Companies’ Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign

was founded in 1992 by the late Mrs. Evelyn H. Lauder with the launch of the Pink Ribbon, today the universal

symbol for breast health.

Over the past two decades, The Estée Lauder Companies’

Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign has brought

together women, men and families in more than 70

countries to help defeat breast cancer in their own

unique ways—from sharing their powerful stories about

their experiences with the disease to participating in

fundraising and awareness activities. Together, these

actions have sparked a global movement, enhancing

awareness and raising more than $58 million to support

global research, education and medical services.

The 2015 BCA Campaign celebrates all the things

we do, big or small, in the fight against breast cancer and

unites and empowers the global community to take action

throughout the year.

Action can mean different things to different

people. Whether a person proudly wears a Pink Ribbon in

honour of a friend, reminds a loved one to schedule her

yearly appointments, donates to research or volunteers,

every effort truly has meaning and when we join together,

we can achieve significantly greater impact.

Founder and guiding spirit, the late Evelyn H.

Lauder, always said:

“It really is something that can never be done by any one person; it has to be done by a group.”

217

Printer credit:Paper supplied by Antalis and Printing Services supplied by

Mayfield Press. Proud to support The Estée Lauder Companies’

Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign.

220

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Supporting education and medical research. Join us at BCAcampaign.com #BCAstrength

Supporting education and medical research. Join us at BCAcampaign.com #BCAstrength

Supporting education and medical research. Join us at BCAcampaign.com #BCAstrength