the connection practice facilitator guidebook

The Connection Practice

Facilitator Guidebook

Edited November 2020

By Rita Marie Johnson

The Connection Foundations Course Facilitator Guidebook

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gratefully acknowledges the work of the

Institute of HeartMath and the Center for Nonviolent Communication

for inspiring the Connection Practice.

Rasur Foundation International is not associated with any political party, group or

religion. We take a neutral stand that enables all people to learn

the Connection Practice.

[email protected]

• www.connectionpractice.org

1520 Rosette Way • Gilroy, CA 95020• USA

Copyright © 2010-2020 Rasur Foundation International

The Connection Practice® is a trademark of Rasur Foundation International.

emWave® is a registered trademark of Quantum Intech, Inc. HeartMath® and Quick Coherence® are

registered trademarks of Doc Childre and the Institute of HeartMath.

Heart-Brain Insight is a tool adapted from the Freeze-Frame Technique and which the Institute of

HeartMath has given special permission to Rasur Foundation International to teach.

Nonviolent Communication, NVC and CNVC are trademarks of the Center for Nonviolent

Communication.

http://www.connectionpractice.org/


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Table of Contents

Overview of Facilitator Training ................................................................................... 4

Part 1 – The Connection Practice ................................................................................... 5

Let’s Discover What We Have in Common ................................................................ 5

Connecting with You (Name, Passion, Strength) ......................................................... 6

Stimulus – Reaction Drama ........................................................................................ 6

The Connection Practice Demonstration .................................................................... 7

Feelings and Needs Cards .......................................................................................... 7

EmWave Desktop Practice ......................................................................................... 8

The Connection Practice with a Partner (Conflict 1) .................................................. 12

The Connection Practice on Your Own (Conflict 2) .................................................. 12

Connection Circle ................................................................................................... 12

Expressing Appreciation ........................................................................................... 13

Facilitator Special Jobs ................................................................................................ 14

Facilitator Guidelines .................................................................................................. 15

Confidential Evaluation of Facilitator .......................................................................... 18

Confidential Evaluation of Participants ........................................................................ 20


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Overview of Facilitator Training

Coherence, Introductions

Orientation to Course and Materials

• The Facilitator Guidebook and Part 1 Foundations Course Manual

Instructions and Practice on Leading Small-Group Activities

• The Quick Coherence guy at right will be found at the beginning of

directions for all small-group activities that begin with a Quick Coherence to

help you meet your needs for confidence and calm.

• The ideal number of participants in a small group is four. In cases where there is an

odd number of participants, during partner work, you will need to partner with a

participant.

Small Group Assignments

Facilitator →

Place →

Members →


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Part 1 – The Connection Practice

Let’s Discover What We Have in Common

Facilitators initiate this exercise upon the arrival of the first participant, without any

prompting from the trainer. After people arrive, register, and receive their manuals,

facilitators invite them to open their manuals to participate in this icebreaker.


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Connecting with You (Name, Passion, Strength)

The trainer will read off names, and your participants will go with you

to a corner in the main room. Model saying your name, passion and a

strength that you appreciate about yourself. Then participants will

take turns doing the same. Hold up the sheet that reminds them of

these topics.

Stimulus – Reaction Drama

The trainer and two facilitators perform this 3-step drama prior to talking about the

pause on page 7 of the Part 1 Webinar Manual.

1.

2. Insert:

3. Flip:

Pause

for

Connection

Pause

for

Connection


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The Connection Practice Demonstration

The trainer and one facilitator perform a live Connection Practice on a conflict with

another person. This is to show participants what they’ll be learning in this course.

Choose the issue in advance to be sure it is appropriate for a demo, but don’t rehearse it.

Feelings and Needs Cards

Preparation: Kleenex in every group area. Feelings and Needs cards laid out on table

with Feelings on the far left of the table, Needs on the far right of the table to create

maximum space in the middle of the table.

1. In a few words, one person shares a recent conflict they have had with

someone.

2. The person chooses feeling cards and puts them in the middle of the table.

While choosing, he says, “I felt (sad).”

3. Then others take turns guessing his needs, placing the need cards to the right of the

feelings. They say, “I wonder if you need (hope)” and place the card (hope) in front

of the person. He doesn’t respond yet. He just says, “thank you.” Coach the

participants to face the person who is receiving the empathy, make eye contact and

guess the need on the card from their heart. Gently correct the person if he or she

says things like, “Do you need…?” (we don’t want a response) or “I think you

need(ed) ….” (which isn’t a guess).

4. The person then picks any needs that weren’t met, chooses the three needs that are

most alive for him and identifies the main need.

5. Take the three need cards in hand and connect with them in a Pause.

6. Then summarize with an empathy statement: “It sounds like when (this happened),

you felt… because you needed…. Is that right?” You don’t need to name more than

one feeling as dwelling on the feelings can re-trigger the person. Focus in on the main

need while making eye contact.

7. Return the cards to their original positions but keep the main need card where you

can easily find it again.

8. Ask the person to guess the feelings and needs of the one they are in conflict with.

They will lay the cards in the middle of the table as they guess first the feelings, then

the needs. Then ask the person to guess the main need of the other person.

9. Put the main need card of the person and the main need card of the one they are in

conflict with next to each other on the table.

10. Ask the person if they feel the “ahh” of empathy. Ask them if they feel complete.

11. If they don’t feel complete, guess empathically until they feel the main need land.

12. Repeat this process with each person in your group.


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EmWave Desktop Practice

Below are instructions for the activity. To learn more about how to use the

software, see the next pages of this guidebook.

Preparation: Someone needs to check all the computers before the activity to make sure

the challenge level is set to “low” and that the garden game is working properly. Turn

off the sound. If the garden game isn’t working, use another game or run a regular

session. Please look at the additional emWave directions in this guidebook.

1. Have one person sit in front of the monitor. Sit or stand on her right so you can

maneuver the mouse. Turn the computer so that only you and the participant can see

the results on the screen.

2. Explain that you will invite participants to close their eyes and put their hands on

their hearts as you start each session unless they are uncomfortable with this. Explain

that you will join each participant in Quick Coherence and will invite the others to

join also. This support will help each person improve her coherence.

3. Tell participants you will tap them on the knee as a signal to open their eyes about 10

seconds before the game ends so they can see the screen without the “fog” over it.

4. Connect the ear sensor and lead her in the first two steps of Quick Coherence. This

will help the participant understand the importance of the heart breathing, which

takes the heart to coherence. Take plenty of time in guiding each step.

5. Press Start. Continue with the other participants.

6. On the second turn for each participant, add the third step of feeling appreciation.

This will take the heart deeper into coherence. Do not use any “thinking” words such

as “now think of” or “imagine.” Just use the words “now feel appreciation for

whatever is easy for you.” Keep your talking to a minimum.

7. If a participant is stuck for a long time in low coherence, ask her to smile. If that

doesn’t work, ask her to try appreciating something else.

8. If her eyes are closed, tap her on the knee as a signal to have her open them 10

seconds before the end of the game (session time: 2:50) to see the results. Then click

on the bar chart button (circled at right) to allow her to see the heart rate variability

and percentages of high, medium and low coherence. If

needed, explain what the results mean.

9. If after two turns, a participant is still struggling to get

into coherence, spend extra time with her until she has success.


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The Connection Practice with a Partner (Conflict 1)

This is a partner activity. The trainer will model the activity in the large meeting room.

Then partners find a quiet place to do the activity. Observe them and coach as needed. If

there is an odd number of participants, the facilitator partners with the one remaining.

The Connection Practice on Your Own (Conflict 2)

The trainer will share an example. Then participants will fill out either the worksheet or

their Daily Workbooks. Observe them and answer questions when needed.

Connection Circle

Preparation before course: A facilitator will be chosen to demonstrate the Connection

Circle with the trainer.

Preparation before activity: Place a red felt heart, an empathy question tent card,

Kleenex, and feelings and needs lists in each group area before the activity.

1. Lead group in Quick Coherence.

2. Ask the person next to you to start. Give the heart to her. Ask, “What’s

alive for you right now? You don’t have to state feelings and needs or be

‘giraffe’.” Be present as you listen to the response.

3. Offer empathy. Guess feelings and needs. Finish by asking “Is that right?” The

person responds to your guesses and then you take it deeper. The person

responds again. When you think she has finished, ask, “Are you complete?” If

so, continue to the next step. If not, continue making empathy guesses until

she is.

4. The person who just received empathy passes the heart to the next person in

the circle and they repeat the process. Keep passing the heart on until

everyone has had a turn, including you. Correct people if what they are giving

is not empathy.

1. The Connection Practice with a Partner Using an Inner Issue

Describe an inner issue that is up in your life that doesn’t involve another person.

Examples are a change you’re thinking of making (that doesn’t impact anyone

else), a behavior that is getting in your own way (such as a habitual over-reaction),

or a belief that is holding you back.

2. The Connection Practice on Your Own Using an Issue with Another Person

Describe a person that you have a conflict with, or who annoys you, or who you

avoid.


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5. When all participants have shared, lead them into a Heart-Brain Insight.

Afterwards, invite participants to share their insights.

6. Close with a group hug.

Expressing Appreciation

See info in the manual.

Preparation: Have Kleenex available to every group.

1. Appreciate someone or something during this course.

Ask each participant to express appreciation for someone or something during this

training, using observation, feelings, and needs met.


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Facilitator Special Jobs

Stimulus-Reaction Drama:

Stimulus:

Pause: (trainer)

Reaction:

Connection Practice

Demonstration: trainer and

Connection Circle Demonstrator:

Agenda writer:

Assignment of Group Space &

Number:

Logistics manager (includes food

management; checks facilitator

packets & ear sensors at end):

DJ/Video Jockey:

Sales (F&N cards, Path cards, etc.):

Technical Support (video beam,

computers, etc.):

Photographer & Facebook Poster:

(Will post pictures to the Connection Practice Facebook page. Ask people to tag themselves so

more people will see the photos.)

Setup of large space & small group

areas: Everyone!


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Facilitator Guidelines

Our purpose is to empower each individual

to learn the practice of Connection.

The most important qualities that each facilitator brings to this endeavor are

personal coherence and the ability to connect with others. All else is secondary.

Requests:

1. Arrive at (time)__________ for a coherence with the facilitators and stay for

the 30-minute debriefing afterwards. These times together are essential for

modeling the coherence that we are teaching. If you have an emergency and

can’t fulfill your commitment, notify the trainer at ________________.

2. Make connecting with the participants your top priority – through wearing

your nametag, smiles, eye contact, listening and empathy.

3. We know from HeartMath research that we all learn most easily when we are

in a positive feeling state. As a group, you are responsible for noticing the

energy in the room and whether we are in a collective positive feeling state.

If the energy drops, send a note to the trainer, who is in charge of

timekeeping, changing the pace, and overall coaching.

4. When the trainer raises her hand, please do the same and cease to talk. Please

also model refraining from side talking. Please write notes or leave the

training area if there is an urgent need to communicate. These are methods

for creating a space of deep respect.

5. Please stick to the steps of the exercise. If you have suggestions for improving

the exercise, write them down on the sheet provided and share them at the

debriefing at the end of the day.

6. Keep your own talking as a facilitator to a minimum. Give instructions for

each activity in as few words as possible. Participants will have already heard

the instructions once and seen the activity modeled once in the large group.

Showing is far more powerful than saying. Model the activity and let the

participants have the silence they need to connect with their feelings and

needs. This will keep them in their hearts and transforming.

7. There will be a Kleenex box in every small group area. If people start crying,

let them continue without being interrupted by talking. Give them space to

feel it and get it out, using empathy as needed.

8. If a person needs more time to process an issue than is available, ask the group if

they would be willing to give one minute of silent empathy to that person. Then

invite everyone to go to their hearts and be present with that person for one minute.

If more time is still needed, you or another group member can continue to work

with him/her after the close of the meeting.


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9. Each time you lead an activity, mention the amount of time that you have for

this activity and share it with your group. Ask them to set a group intention

to share that time equally with all and to finish on time.

10. When people go on with their story longer than you like, interrupt them the

moment that you notice you are losing connection with them. Say “Excuse

me, I want to stay connected with you and I notice that as you are talking, I

am starting to feel disconnected. Would you be willing to pause for a

moment and let me see if I can connect with your feelings and needs?” These

are great opportunities to model Connection, and your group will appreciate

you not allowing people to talk more than they enjoy.

11. If in your group, you notice that someone is talking so long that it will make it

hard to have equal sharing, make a time-out sign to alert the participant that

she needs to bring it to a close.

12. If you have a concern about something that has been said or done in the

training by another facilitator, pause and use Connection before speaking

and/or acting to ensure respect for and connection to that person.

13. Do not stop the training process to have a private conversation between

facilitators unless it is an emergency.

14. Do a coherence before each activity. The Quick Coherence guy at

right will remind you to do this in the activity instructions.

15. When role-playing in front of the large group, all players should place

themselves where the audience can see their facial expressions and hear their

words for maximum communication.

16. Note how responsibilities are divided among the facilitators and go to the

proper person for issues that come up.

17. The most important words you can say to a fellow facilitator or participant

during this training are “Are you feeling … because you need (or value) …?”

18. Know your weaknesses as a facilitator, such as a tendency to explain more

than is necessary for people to understand the activity, discomfort at

expression of personal feelings, rushing, etc. Be ready to use Connection

whenever your habitual reaction comes up.

19. If you feel confused or that you are in over your head while leading a small-

group activity, tell the group that you need to do a Quick Coherence

Technique. Then ask your heart for the answer that you need. If your heart

says, “Ask the teacher,” go and get her!

20. Step into your center of excellence each time you enter your small group or

work in front of the room.


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21. Support the logistics manager by returning all materials, as you received them,

to the logistics table after you finish on the last day.

22. If you have negative feelings about anything during the training, take

responsibility for them by seeing ____________ for empathy at lunch or

breaks.

23. When there is a question before the group, we ask “Is there anyone not

willing to …?” or “Is there anyone not finished?” or “Is there anyone who

does not agree,” etc. in order to get clear feedback. We minimize the use of

“OK?”

24. When participants are making errors as they learn, it is important not to

discourage them with too many corrections and yet not imply that they are

getting it when they aren’t. The best approach is to keep it light. For

example, “Oops, I think I heard a judgment in there….”

25. Encourage participants not only to name their feelings and needs but to

experience them. Feelings often have other feelings underneath them and

needs can be layered as well. The deeper you go, the richer the discoveries.

26. When people ask questions, they are often trying to get a deeper need met.

Learn to look for the feelings and needs under the question and give them

empathy instead of answers when appropriate.

27. The course overview indicates the learning design of each small-group activity.

It is up to you as a facilitator to direct the flow of the group so that there is

maximum learning, emotional safety and appropriate sharing. If you are

experiencing difficulty defining your role as facilitator, you can refer the group

to the learning design code on the course overview in the manual.

28. When a participant has more NVC or HeartMath experience than you, the

two of you will meet prior to the first group activity and work out a

nonverbal sign for when the “expert participant” can jump in. Inform your

group that this agreement has been made to serve their learning. You are still

in charge of the overall flow of the group.

29. Please fill out a course evaluation on the last day at the same time as

participants.

30. While the participants are filling out their confidential evaluation of

facilitators, please complete your confidential evaluation of them on the last

day.

You will be deeply appreciated, valued, loved and supported

through this training. Enjoy it and trust yourself!


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Confidential Evaluation of Facilitator

Participants, please fill out on the last day and give to the trainer.

Dates and location of course

__________________________________

Name of your small-group facilitator

__________________________________

Your name (optional)

Please indicate how much you agree or disagree with the following statements according

to this scale. Put “N/A” if not applicable.

1 2 3 4 5

strongly

disagree

slightly disagree neither agree

nor disagree

slightly agree strongly agree

1. ____ I think my small-group facilitator was inclusive of everyone in our small group.

2. ____ I think my small-group facilitator ensured participants shared time equally or at

least appropriately.

3. ____ I think my small-group facilitator was empathic to self and others.

4. ____ I think my small-group facilitator demonstrated an understanding of Connection

teachings.

5. ____ I recommend this small-group facilitator to others.

Specific observations to explain your opinions; other comments:


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Confidential Evaluation of Participants

Facilitators, please fill this out on the last day

and give to the trainer during the post-training meeting.

Date and location of Foundations Course

__________________________________

Your name

Please tell us if you recommend your participants as possible facilitators.

Participant

Don’t

Recommend Recommend

Strongly

Recommend

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Specific observations to explain your opinions or other comments:

the connection practice facilitator guidebook

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