the code of influence
DESCRIPTION
The Code of InfluenceNLPTRANSCRIPT
1
Table of Contents
Module One – Introduction ............................. 10
Module Two - Influence 101 .......................... 36
The Truth About Influence ............................. 36
Old World Rules ............................................. 44
New World Rules ............................................ 47
New School Rules Of Influence ..................... 50
What Makes This Program Different .............. 63
The Way This Program Was Created ............. 66
Understanding The Mind ................................ 70
Information Processing Routes ....................... 74
Short Term vs. Long Term.............................. 75
2
The Way The Program is Structured .............. 78
Part I. Persuasion Mastery .............................. 79
Module Three - How People Are Wired ......... 79
People Don‟t Even Know What They Want ... 85
People Become Confused Very Easily ........... 86
People Prefer The Path Of Least Resistance ... 90
People Have Different Representational
Systems ........................................................... 91
Conscious vs. Subconscious ......................... 102
Module Four - The Persuasion Foundation .. 105
Emotion vs. Logic ......................................... 106
A Word About Logic…. ............................... 114
The Triggers Of Mind Control ...................... 127
3
Obligation/Reciprocity .................................. 128
Contrast ......................................................... 132
Holding Tightly Onto Surrounding Objects . 160
Attraction ...................................................... 163
People Skills.................................................. 164
Similarity....................................................... 167
Proof .............................................................. 169
Explicit Norms .............................................. 170
Implicit Norms .............................................. 170
Scarcity ......................................................... 175
Module Five - The First Tier Of Persuasion . 201
Module Six– The Second Tier of Persuasion 225
4
Module Seven –The Third Tier of Persuasion
....................................................................... 249
The Power Of Questions ............................... 250
Pacing ............................................................ 268
Leading ......................................................... 271
Story Telling ................................................. 272
Know your purpose ....................................... 273
Know your environment ............................... 273
Set the stage .................................................. 273
Imagination leads to captivation ................... 275
Create shock value ........................................ 277
Keep it short and to the point ........................ 277
Have someone else pat you on the back ....... 278
5
Work on the same level of intelligence......... 279
Be as vivid as possible .................................. 280
Switch time zones ......................................... 281
One story at a time ........................................ 281
Be conscious of the purpose ......................... 282
Proof leads to credibility ............................... 283
If they can relate, they will trust ................... 284
Module Eight - The Fourth Tier of Persuasion
....................................................................... 286
Overcoming Resistance ................................ 288
Reactance resistance ..................................... 288
Persuasion in a Business Setting ................... 294
Gaining Compliance ..................................... 299
6
Keys to maintaining your ability to influence311
Part II. Influence Mastery ............................. 316
Module Nine - The Ten Human Needs ......... 316
Module Ten - Personality Types ................... 341
Openness ....................................................... 346
Identifying the Open Person ......................... 346
Conscientiousness ......................................... 346
Identifying The Conscientious Person .......... 347
Extraversion .................................................. 347
Identifying The Extrovert ............................. 348
Agreeableness ............................................... 348
Identifying The Agreeable Person ................ 349
Neuroticism ................................................... 349
7
Identifying The Neurotic............................... 349
Reformer (Significance, Power) ................... 353
Skeptic (Power, Certainty) ............................ 356
Apprentice (Connection, Contribution) ........ 360
Detective (Power, Significance) ................... 362
Mediator (Connection, Contribution) ........... 365
Entrepreneur (Growth, Significance) ............ 367
Creative (Expression, Contribution) ............. 369
Guardian (Comfort, Freedom) ...................... 370
Enthusiast (Adventure, Connection) ............. 372
Motivator (Adventure, Connection).............. 376
Pleasure Seeker (Adventure, Freedom) ........ 377
Strategist (Contribution, Growth) ................. 378
8
Commander (Power, Comfort) ..................... 379
Romantic (Love/Connection, Significance) .. 380
Module Eleven– The Decision Making Process
....................................................................... 382
The Decision Making Process ...................... 384
Thinker .......................................................... 386
Influencing the Thinker................................. 391
Skeptic........................................................... 403
Influencing The Skeptic ................................ 410
Follower ........................................................ 420
Influencing the Follower ............................... 424
Leaders .......................................................... 431
Influencing the Leader .................................. 438
9
Enthusiast ...................................................... 445
Influencing the Enthusiast ............................. 450
Module Twelve – Conclusion ....................... 456
10
Module One – Introduction
Welcome to the Code of Influence. Before we
get started, I wanted to tell you a little bit about
myself and why I decided to put this program
together. After all, you did invest your hard-
earned money into this product. Therefore, I
think it only is appropriate that I share with you
exactly who I am and what qualifies me to
deliver the information in this program to you.
(In most products that are sold for a profit, this
is where the creator basically assures customers
that they have invested their money wisely in
someone who knows what they are talking
about, preferably a guru or an expert, rather than
some idiot who just likes to hear himself talk).
11
Well, in actuality, I guess I‟m a little bit of both.
But before we get into that, I‟ll tell you exactly
who I‟m not. I am not a college graduate. I‟m
not a celebrity. I haven‟t changed the world.
And I‟m not some guy who has stumbled across
some secret that is going to change your life
with no effort. And obviously, I‟m not a liar.
What I am and always have been is a person
who loves answers. I like to understand the way
things work. I like to understand how a certain
results are achieved. Sometimes the result itself
doesn‟t engage me as much as the mechanics
needed to accomplish the result.
12
The reason why I am so fascinated by
mechanics is because once you know the
formula for a particular outcome, the
possibilities and permutations are endless.
And that is what really interests me.
One question that I‟ve always wanted to answer
is “What’s the most important thing in life?”
What‟s the one thing that would make
everyone‟s life better?
What‟s the one thing that equips people with
true power, peace and happiness all at the same
time?
13
Is the answer to the Big Question love? How
about money, health or perhaps freedom? Is it
relationships, family or what about personal
security in all of its forms?
Well, I guess the answer is different for
everyone.
Some people feel that money can solve all of
their problems while others can be perfectly
happy being broke, as long as they are
surrounded by people who truly love them.
For some people, money, fame, fortune and
notoriety are meaningless. What matters to
14
them is whether or not they are living their life‟s
purpose and achieving their life‟s mission.
Others will do whatever it takes to achieve
celebrity status, as anything that remotely
resembles plain or “ordinary” to them seems
like failing.
Once I understood that everyone‟s happiness
and fulfillment depended on different things, I
began to wonder what people needed to do to
make themselves truly happy.
Well, the logical answer to this question is that
it depends on a person‟s desire.
15
If the desire to become a doctor or lawyer is
what will make someone happy, then that
person needs to focus on education more than
anything else.
If it‟s the desire to have a big family, then the
person should focus on procreation.
If it‟s the desire to help the poor, then the person
should learn about philanthropy.
Seems pretty logical, right?
Then why do we see people who graduate from
Ivy League schools at the top of their class fail
to find the right jobs, while people who are less
qualified and less intelligent find them easily?
16
Why do we see people who have all the great
qualities of a life partner die alone, never having
the pleasure and fortune to find and experience
true love?
And on the contrary, why do we see people who
are not equipped to be anyone‟s partner in life
wind up finding themselves in countless
relationships, breaking people‟s hearts as they
go?
Why is it that even we follow the rules of what
„logically‟ makes sense, we sometimes don‟t get
the results, while others who follow them less
(or don‟t follow them at all) do?
17
These facts led me to think that perhaps there is
a common denominator in this thing called life.
I started to think that perhaps there was this one
thing that if you lacked, your chances of
achieving your results are drastically reduced.
And at the opposite end, perhaps with this
common denominator, you can easily make up
for short falls and failures in life.
Or in the case where you don‟t really have short
falls, your results can be immensely magnified.
I realized that there is indeed a common
denominator, and it is the ability to influence
others. The reason why is simple: every result
in life involves human interaction on some
level. Whether it‟s through the process of
18
achieving the result or sharing the fruits of the
result once it has been achieved, human
interaction (and relationships) is involved on
some level.
And even in cases where it‟s not so much about
the result, relationships are what nurture the
soul.
Influence
Abundnace
Wealth Fame
Romance
19
The soul craves interaction with other spirits
and minds to magnify the human experience.
Without relationships, a sane mind begins to go
insane.
So regardless of what you want out of life, you
have to realize now that you will need the
involvement of others at least on some level to
achieve it or truly enjoy it.
It‟s that simple.
Your ability to influence others is going to
supersede every other attribute that you have,
including your talent, education, intellect, skill
20
level, persistence or whatever else you bring to
the table. Without the ability to influence, you
can‟t fully capitalize on any of those things.
What good is it to graduate from Harvard if you
can‟t influence someone to hire you?
What good is it to work hard if you never get
the right people to notice and help you move up
in the world?
What purpose does it serve to have a talent if
you can‟t influence others to recognize it?
I think you get my drift. And if you don‟t, why
the heck did you buy this program anyway?
(Just kidding.)
21
I realized this back in elementary school when
my parents were called in to talk to the principal
about my disruptive behavior. I was what most
considered “a teacher‟s nightmare”. I was
always calling out in class, constantly joking
around and I put most of my energy into being a
class clown. I focused on trying to make other
students laugh.
I was never really interested in school work;
especially math. In fact, I often have recurring
nightmares about being a senior in high school
wondering how I‟m ever going to graduate
when I can‟t pass Math to save my life.
22
To this day, I can still only perform basic
arithmetic (and I mean basic!). English and
writing, however, were different for me. While
I wasn‟t exactly excited about those subjects, I
didn‟t despise these subjects because they came
much easier to me. You see, growing up as an
only child, things can get lonely at times, which
is why I often used my imagination.
I have always felt that the greatest gift that
anyone could have was the ability to imagine.
Imagination has countless benefits and opens
the door to endless possibilities, because it
enables you to visualize the future that you
want. This is essential if you want your future
to really come into fruition. Another great
benefit of imagination is that it enables you to
discover radical solutions that may not
23
necessarily be your regular options - through the
use of your own natural creativity.
So when it came to writing, I was never got
caught up in whether or not what I was writing
was right or wrong or whether it was fact or
fiction. I simply just used my imagination and
let everything flow, like an effervescent
fountain that never ceased.
When I found myself in unfavorable situations
where options were limited, I did the same
thing. I imagined what the result would look
like if I did have options, and then I used my
creativity to make these options a reality.
24
As I got older, I realized that I would only do
well in life if I chose a path that included the
things that truly interested me. I know that
seems like a fair statement to make about
anyone. But I‟m on a whole other level. It is
virtually impossible for me to spend any time
doing something that I don‟t enjoy or find
interesting.
25
I have great respect for those who can endure
the pain of doing the grunt work to get to the
end, but I personally hate it and will only do it
when there is no other option.
Take exercise, for example. I‟ve tried to tell
myself that I enjoy it, but I know in my heart I‟d
rather be doing something else besides sweating
profusely on an elliptical machine for 45
minutes. But unfortunately, that is one area
where only I can do the grunt work needed to
achieve the results, so I do it and move on.
Back to my point…since I realized that I would
really only become exceptional at something
that I enjoyed and I really only enjoy music,
finding answers and writing (and I know I‟m no
26
rock star), I decided that my path in life would
involve writing about the answers that I have
found about this fascinating common
denominator called influence.
Plus, I‟ve always done fairly well in sales. At
the age of sixteen, I had a cold calling job in
finance, which resulted in people sending me (a
young punk of a kid) thousands of dollars over
the phone after a 10-minute conversation.
After that experience, I had another cold calling
job. As it turned out, I came in number one in
most payments received from customers.
27
I then went into fitness corporate sales. I chose
fitness because I feel it‟s truly something
everyone needs. And in that business, I
continued to excel winning countless awards
and gaining promotions.
About 6 years ago, I realized that I could make
more money selling through my writing skills
than I ever could trying to sell face to face. So I
began to develop the craft of copywriting for
some of the biggest names in internet marketing
including Dr. Joe Vitale, Steve G. Jones, Mike
Litman, Dr Joe Rubino and Kristen Howe,
among others.
These people are highly respected in their
markets, and it‟s not hard to understand why.
Each of them brings an extremely high level of
expertise to their area of knowledge.
28
My job was to get the rest of the world to see
that through my writing.
I was basically hired to ensure that the majority
of people who visited their websites made a
purchase, because they were convinced that
these internet marketers had something truly
powerful to offer.
And after roughly six years, tens of thousands of
dollars, royalty checks, huge deals, joint
ventures, business dinners and trips across the
US to exclusive parties, I‟ve decided that I now
want share what I‟ve learned and used to make
myself and others financially free and successful
29
with the rest of the world. (Of course, this
includes you…if you‟re interested).
And so that‟s where we are right now.
The Code of Influence is a blueprint which
embodies everything I‟ve ever discovered about
using the common success denominator called
Influence to achieve success spiritually,
emotionally, physically, financially and
mentally.
It is the result of years of research, testing and
real world applications of various bodies of
knowledge including psychology, NLP, body
language, mind reading, human desire,
30
personality types and decision making processes
all blended together.
What I‟m about to share with you here is not
only fascinating; it works.
Believe when I tell you that this information can
change your life.
I know that it sounds cliché and you‟ve
probably heard that a million times, but if a guy
from Brooklyn, NY who barely graduated high
school can achieve financial freedom, find true
love, have a family and cultivate deep
meaningful relationships using this information,
anyone can.
31
There‟s only one catch. You have to actually do
something with it.
They say knowledge is power right? Or as
Napoleon Hill said: “Specialized knowledge put
to use is power.” Knowledge by itself is useless
if you don‟t put it to good use. It‟s like being in
the middle of a great war with all your books on
military strategies. Unless you can apply what it
is in those books, you are in a really rough spot.
After all, that‟s how everything great and
everything that has truly made an impact has
happened in the history of the world. Someone
discovers something, whether it is how to build
something or how to make money, and then
32
other people basically feed off that information
to expand and improve it.
And so that‟s what every self-improvement or
personal development product on the market
offers: specialized knowledge that can be
applied to change your life for the better.
I mean isn‟t that why we buy these products
anyway? Isn‟t it because we believe that what
we will learn will in some way, shape, form or
change us forever? Perhaps it will make us
richer, smarter, more likeable, more successful,
more talented, more focused, or more attractive
…I think you get the point.
33
Well, the reason that I know so much about how
this stuff works is because I have spent nearly
15 years of my life immersing myself this self-
improvement stuff and, in the process, spent
quite a bit of money. I have read countless
books, listened to hundreds of audio programs (I
prefer audios) and attended a good amount of
seminars in my day. In truth, the majority of the
stuff I have listened to or read has been pure
fluff. A small portion of it has been insightful at
best and interesting at the very least. And a
select few programs and books truly succeeded
in helping me to create more of an awareness or
“expand my mind” to what I consider to be the
truth (the truth varies for all of us) and more
importantly to take action.
34
As you‟ll quickly learn, action makes
everything else effective. Inaction makes
anything and everything worthless. Without
action, you‟re nothing more than a spectator
watching the movie called “your life” passing
you by.
Don‟t get me wrong, for years I was a spectator.
I would immerse myself in all kinds of self-
improvement/personal development resources
and tell myself, “This is the one… “This is the
book, tape, or CD that is going to change my
life.”
Like many people, I was subscribing to the
dream that external sources actually changed
people‟s lives. I was looking for something to
do the work for me. In reality, we change our
own lives. We may become inspired or
35
triggered by an external source, but what
happens after that is the result of a conscious
decision that we make.
Make a conscious decision today to change your
life by taking action.
Take this information and put it to use in your
life.
I promise that you won‟t be disappointed.
36
Module Two - Influence 101
The Truth About Influence
Welcome to Module Two - Influence 101.
Here I‟m going to give you a brief history on
influence and discuss why this code works so
effectively. Many people believe that influence
and persuasion is the same thing. But in reality,
persuasion is really just a part of influence. It is
merely a component that can be used in the
influence process but persuasion in and of itself
is not influence.
The main difference between persuasion and
influence is that persuasion is when you use a
37
set of tactics to gain compliance from someone
or to get them to do what you want them to.
Influence is a state of your identity. It‟s your
presence. It‟s who you are. And when you attain
that state of being truly influential, you gain
what is known as conversion (as opposed to
compliance) from someone
Compliance is when someone does what you
want them to but you haven‟t necessarily
affected their belief system. What you‟ve
affected is their thought process only. In other
words, you‟ve gotten them to act in a way that
they may not necessarily agree with deep down
inside but they have complied nonetheless. They
may just comply because of outside factors like
social norms or immense, short terms rewards.
38
Conversion on the other hand is much more
powerful. Conversion is when you completely
change someone‟s belief system. When you can
do that, they will fully buy into your message.
When they fully buy into your message, they
will follow you even if you don‟t say anything
at all.
You become more of a symbol for what they
agree with and identify with. In essence, you
begin to share an identity with them. There is
big difference if you share not only your
message but your identity. Who you are right
now becomes a part of the other person‟s
identity, too.
Influence is extremely powerful because it can
in essence be used without any direct effort.
39
Oftentimes, the most influential people are able
to gain conversion and compliance from others
simply because of what they've done in the past
or who they are. The number one attribute of
influence is credibility. Credibility ultimately
makes you trustworthy, smart and
knowledgeable. You appear experienced and
capable of being whoever it is that you're trying
to be.
Take Oprah Winfrey, for example. Oprah has
an immense credibility. People will listen to
just about anything that she says simply because
of what she has done in the past. Oftentimes,
we will see companies use celebrities that have
credibility to influence others through
commercials. That's the reason why hundreds
of thousands of companies send their products
to the Oprah Winfrey show every year with the
hope that she will speak about them. Even if it's
40
for just 30 seconds! They are well aware of the
powerful effect that even a 30 second
endorsement from Oprah Winfrey can have.
This is simply because her influential power is
immense.
Influence is about who you are and how people
perceive you. Some people assume that
influence is always a positive thing, but nothing
could be further than the truth. Influence is the
impression that you make on other people. It
could be positive or negative.
Adolf Hitler had an extremely powerful ability
to influence as well, as he influenced an entire
nation to do what he wanted. The problem was
that he used his power negatively.
41
In and of itself the power to influence truly is
neutral. It is up to the influencer to decide
whether it will be used for good or bad. My
hope is that you take everything that you learn
in this program and use it for ethical reasons.
Don't use this information to manipulate or
coerce people into doing things that will benefit
you when you know with your heart that it
might not necessarily be good for them. When
you do this, your influential tactics will
ultimately backfire and have a negative effect
on you.
So why is that the case? The fact is that
reputation also contributes a lot to someone's
ability to influence. If you have a reputation for
being someone who is smart, knowledgeable or
incredible, people will want to listen to you.
Similarly, if you're a reputation for manipulating
people or influencing them to do things that
42
don't really benefit them, people will be less
likely to listen to what you have to say.
Eventually, your reputation will precede you to
the point that you're incapable of influencing
anyone with any self-respect.
Reputations are extremely powerful.
Sometimes the statements about you and your
reputation don't even have to be true. Just the
simple fact that a good amount of people are
making a statement about you will create the
social validity needed by others to believe that
the claims are indeed true. We'll talk more
about social validity in later modules.
Aristotle first began to speak about persuasion
and influence in ancient Greece. In fact, the
first book ever written on persuasion was by
43
Aristotle. It was titled “The Art of Rhetoric.”
Every single thing that he wrote about in his
book is still extremely relevant to the world of
persuasion today.
Essentially, while Aristotle identified certain
scientific aspects of persuasion, he also
delivered his body of knowledge in a way that
led us to understand that it could be perfected
into an art form.
Now, according to Aristotle, there are three
essential components to persuasion that must be
in place in order for it to work. These
components include Ethos, Pathos and Logos.
44
Old World Rules
Ethos refers to the character of the person that is
doing the persuading. Aristotle believed that
audiences could indeed be effectively persuaded
if they felt that the person who was trying to
persuade them was credible. On the other hand,
if they viewed this person to be sleazy or
untrustworthy, any attempt to try to persuade
them would be continuously resisted.
Ethos
Logos
Pathos
45
Aristotle also pointed out that Ethos is not a
thing or a physical, tangible quality that resides
within a person, but rather it is how an
individual is interpreted by the person that he or
she was trying to persuade.
Ethos could include the way they dress, their
reputation, the way they carry themselves, their
body type, the words that they use, the way they
make eye contact, or their base of knowledge in
whatever they are speaking about. Essentially, it
is how the audience perceives the credibility of
the persuader.
Pathos is the psychological state of the person
that you are trying to persuade. This is the
46
audience‟s state of mind. The emotional state of
the listener can impact the outcome of the
persuasion. People generally make decisions
differently depending on the mood that they are
in. For example, when people are upset, angry
or in a bad mood, their judgment differs greatly
from when they're in a good mood and are
extremely happy. When it comes to Pathos, you
must know the person‟s state of mind at the
moment as well as that person's desired state of
mind.
Once you determine the difference between the
two, you can really begin to put this knowledge
to use and work it to your advantage. By
helping people get from whatever their current
state of mind is to where they want to be, you
will gain full compliance from them.
47
Logos is the third prerequisite that Aristotle
believed must be in place. This is the substance
of your message or the meat and potatoes of
whatever it is that you're trying to convey.
According to Aristotle, human beings are
generally reasonable people who make logical
decisions that will somewhat makes sense to
them.
New World Rules
The prerequisites and concepts that Aristotle
had are key concepts in today's world.
However, you must understand that the rules of
persuasion have changed over the years.
48
Today, it is more difficult than ever to persuade
anybody for a multitude of reasons. The first
reason is that we are living in the age of
information. Aside from money, information is
regarded as one of the highest forms of
currency. With so much information being
thrown at people on a daily basis via the
Internet, TV and tons of marketing campaigns,
people today are a lot more skeptical.
Therefore, they do a lot more investigating
when deciding whether or not information is
valuable to them.
The second reason why the rules have changed
is because aside from information
overwhelming people, it is also much easier to
access than it was in the days of Aristotle.
Back then, there were no places like libraries,
49
much less the Internet, where people could
access thousands of pages of information on
virtually any topic known to man. This lack of
information is part of what gave Aristotle the
ability to persuade as he did.
In today's world, people are more educated.
They have access to an abundance of readily
available information and anyone can get it in
mere moments.
So in today's world of persuasion, there are
three roadblocks that you will generally have to
face. The first roadblock is the fact that people
have access to more information than they did
many years ago. The second is that consumers
50
are more doubtful and skeptical. It takes them
more time to review information.
In the third is the fact that the Internet has
opened up a wide array of choices that never
before existed for people.
New School Rules Of Influence
Within the world of persuasion are universal
principles. These principles are neither good
nor evil or positive or negative. They simply
exist – the same way that the principles of
gravity exist.
51
The laws of influence and persuasion can be
used in many different ways. Make no mistake;
there are thousands if not millions of people out
there that are using the principles of persuasion
in negative ways. The reason that they're able
to do so is because these principles work. My
hope is that anyone reading this book will use
the principles and powerful technique here not
only enrich their lives, but also enrich the lives
of the people they are trying to influence so that
there is always a win-win situation.
Rule # 1 You Must Have an Audience - Let's
face it; persuasion and influence are all about
gaining the help and/or the compliance of other
people. In order for this to happen, there must
be other people involved. It doesn't matter if it's
one single person, or hundreds or even
52
thousands of people, in order for the persuasion
process to take place – but there must be more
than one party involved.
Rule # 2 You Must Get their Attention and
Engage them– In order for the persuasion
process to even begin, you need to get someone
to listen to you. The only way that you can get
someone to listen to you is by gaining his or her
attention. The best way to ultimately get
someone's attention is to create a reputation or
brand for yourself so that people automatically
know who you are and what you have to offer
before they even speak to you.
53
Once you become an expert in your field,
people will know exactly who you are and what
you are about. Until you get to that point, you
need to begin to focus your energies on how to
get the attention of people who have no clue
who you are. There are many different ways to
get someone's attention. The first is by striking
up a conversation about something that you
know interests them. You can do this by simply
observing them. Just take a close look at their
clothing or even their immediate environment.
These things could tell you a little bit about their
interests, and you can begin to open up your
presentation by relating to them in that aspect.
54
Rule # 3 There Must Be a Mutual
Understanding - There must be a mutual
understanding between both parties. You must
understand the various components of your
target, and he or she must understand your
message. Second to having an audience, you
must understand your audience and they must
understand you.
The fact of the matter is that you could be
giving a speech on where people can find $1
million, but if you're saying it in a way that they
cannot understand, chances are your message
will be lost along the way.
55
Aside from your audience being able to
understand you, you must understand that those
rules play into each other. In order for them to
understand you, you must communicate to them
in a way that they understand. You can only
know that by knowing about them first.
Make no mistake, persuasion and influence are
all about understanding how the other party sees
the world and delivering your message in a way
that is congruent to that view. It is never about
the way you see the world.
Remember, if everyone saw things exactly the
same way, there would never be a need to try to
influence or persuade someone. We would all
be living in harmony, making the same
decisions and doing the same things without a
hitch.
56
But this is the real world – and in the real world,
there are as many different beliefs about people
and the world at large as the grains of sand on
the beach.
This leads me to my next part of this chapter. I
want to discuss something called adaptive
persuasion. Adaptive persuasion is what makes
your ability to influence so powerful. We're all
different and we have different values, morals
and beliefs. Ultimately, as we see the world in
different ways, it is essential that you constantly
adapt to the way the other party is seeing things
when you are making your presentation to them.
57
We see adaptive influence mostly in one-on-one
sales conversations and sales presentations. It
involves constant change in the presentation,
which does involve more work. But ultimately,
this approach will yield better results than non-
adaptive influence, which I will get into a
moment.
Adaptation is an extremely important part of all
life on Earth. Every single species that lives
must learn to adapt in some way shape or form
at some point in life. Adaptation essentially is
when you change a thought or a behavior in
such a way that ultimately provides you with a
better benefit.
58
Non-adaptive persuasion is when you create a
presentation or a message with the same
intention of influencing another party, but it
does not change as it is presented from one
person or group to another.
An example of non-adaptive persuasion would
be what we see in website sales copy marketing
and advertising. In cases like these, mental
triggers that resonate with most people or
subliminal messages are implanted into the
presentation.
The theory (and hope) is that because these
messages or mental/emotional triggers resonate
with most people, they will influence the
general population of people being exposed to
59
them. The good part about adaptive influence is
that you create a message once and it forever
does the work for you. But in exchange for that
positive aspect, you trade the fact that your
results will never be as good as those that you
will see when practicing adaptive persuasion.
I have been a salesperson virtually all my life.
In sales, we measure different ratios of a
salesperson. Generally speaking, there are three
ratios that we measure. The contact to
appointment ratio is the number of people that
agree to make an appointment out of the people
that we have contacted that day. The second
ratio is the show ratio, which is the amount of
people that actually showed up to an
appointment after they agreed to make one.
And the third ratio that we measure is the close
60
ratio, which is the amount of people that
actually made a purchase versus the amount of
people that you made the presentation to. In the
sales industry, a good close ratio is between 70
to 80%, meaning that for every 10 people to
whom you made a presentation, between seven
and eight actually make a purchase.
In the world of Internet marketing, a perfect
example of non-adaptive influence is website
sales copy. When you arrive at a website that is
marketing some sort of product, the website
sales copy is the text that you read on the page
that is designed to convince you to make a
purchase. This presentation is created once and
is plastered on the website forever with the hope
that everyone who reads it will decide to take
out their credit card and make a purchase.
61
The conversion rate of the website sales copy is
reflected as the amount of people that made a
purchase after visiting the site. Ask anyone in
the Internet marketing world what a good
conversion rate is, and they'll tell you between
five and 10%. That percentage is dramatically
different than the 70 to 80% that we see in one-
on-one sales, which take place in adaptive
persuasion. The reason why the results are so
different is because in adaptive persuasion, we
can keep changing the presentation based on the
feedback that we are receiving from the other
party to make it more effective. This cannot be
done in non-adaptive persuasion, which is why
the success rate is so much lower.
62
Rule # 4: Know the Game – You must know the
game when it comes to influence. There are
certain laws or principles that exist that you
have to follow. The only way you can follow
them is by knowing exactly what they are.
Years of research and scientific evidence have
shown us a great deal about the way people
think, the way they behave, and ultimately, how
they can be directed to think and behave in
certain ways.
This is ultimately what influence is all about.
63
What Makes This Program Different
Although there are many programs that claim
that true influence can happen in a matter of
moments, it is my opinion and experience that
they are dead wrong! The type of process that
they are really talking about has to do more with
persuasion; not influence.
As I stated earlier, persuasion is merely just a
component of influence. It can be used in both
short term situations such as trying to make a
sale or talk someone off of a ledge or it can be
used as tool that eventually leads to influence.
As you will quickly learn, people feel more
comfortable doing business with, comply with
and agreeing with people with whom they have
shared these actions within the past. Therefore,
the more you persuade someone to do
64
something, the greater the likelihood of you
persuading them again and again and again.
And that‟s really what this program is about -
long term influence. This is what also what
separates this program from many others. Most
programs on influence/persuasion are about
short term results “How to get someone to say
yes instantly by changing one word” or “How to
increase your compliance rate by 30% by
reframing.” Don‟t get me wrong; all that stuff
fascinates me too and it will definitely help you
become a master influencer but in reality, it‟s
just a part of the code. Truth is most people who
have studied influence/persuasion have already
heard about all of those tactics. They are
nothing new. In fact, you can read about most of
them for free on my website
www.InfluenceMaster.com. Don‟t worry, I‟m
still going to include all those super cool mind
tricks in this program because they are an
important part of persuasion and I know people
65
love them but please understand that true
influence is not only about getting anyone to say
yes in 10 seconds or less; it‟s about
relationships. It‟s about getting them to say yes
in 10 seconds or less and then getting to say yes
in 5 seconds or less over and over and over
again until eventually they say yes before you
even say anything. They just subscribe to your
message and what you stand for. They become a
true fan.
And that‟s what this program is going to show
you. Here I‟m going to reveal the full Code of
Influence, not just a part. That‟s what you paid
for when you invested your money in this and I
promise you won‟t be disappointed.
So let‟s get started.
66
The Way This Program Was Created
The research into the field of behaviorism, what
makes people do certain things, how people
think and act and how influence is achieved still
widely debated among different people. This
program is the result of bits and pieces from the
work of Sigmund Freud, B. F. Skinner, Kurt
Lewin, Leon Festinger, Erik Erickson, Abraham
Maslow, Paul MacLean and Ivan Pavlov.
To put it simply, many of these psychologists
formed platforms for others to build on and in
some cases, their theories rivaled one another.
After years of intensely studying their work and
building relationships with others, I have taken
bits and pieces (those bits and prices which I
agree with and believe are correct) and broke
them down into a simple code which I believe
67
represents what it really takes to influence the
mind of someone else.
I‟m not a psychologist. I was never a good
student. My attention span is extremely limited
to things that really interest me so for me
studying psychology interested me for the most
part from a perspective of finding out how to
influence others. Therefore it is the areas which
contribute to this process that I studied
intensely. These areas include behaviorism,
social psychology, conditioning and personality
theory.
It is my belief that these areas tell us how a
person can be influenced. And based on my
interpretation of what I‟ve discovered, I have
developed (what I believe to be) an extremely
effective code of influence.
68
The code (at its outer most layer) consists of 4
main parts: The Mechanics, The Human Needs,
The Personality Type and The Decision Making
Process.
The Mechanics - The mechanics simply refers
to your understanding of how the human mind
works and which approaches work at what
times.
The Human Needs - Each one of us has a
dominant human need. It‟s the reason we wake
up each day. It‟s what our soul is centered
around.
The Personality Type - There are 12
personality types. Within each one is a different
belief system and paradigm of the world.
69
The Decision Making Process - While many
factors can dictate how we make decisions, most
people have a certain way of making very
important ones.
It is my belief that these four components will
lead you to influencing
70
Understanding The Mind
According to the Triune Brain Model which was
popularized by a physician and neuroscientist by
the name of Paul MacLean in the 1960′s, there
are 3 major regions to the brain:
The Reptilian Complex – Also known as the
R-complex or the “reptilian brain” is the oldest
part of the brain and is what MacLean believed
Reptilian Complex
Limbic System
Neo Cortex
71
was the first brain that humans developed over
100 million years ago. The reptilian brain is
responsible for our survival instincts and
processes like breathing, circulation, digestion
and fight/flight responses.
The Limbic System – This region supports
functions like long term memory, emotion and
behaviors like finding food and self-
preservation.
The Neo Cortex – The youngest (or most
recently developed) region of the brain is the
area that most people refer to when they speak
of the left and right hemispheres of the brain.
This region in responsible for planning, logic,
creativity, imagination and dreaming.
In a perfect world we would be functioning in a
fully conscious state using mostly the Neo
Cortex but the truth is that doing so involves
72
amounts of mental work and energy that most
people are simply not willing to invest. Instead,
they function primarily on “autopilot” in a
survivalist state of mind most of the time. To
keep things simple, people like to reserve their
cognitive resources, not expend them.
So rather than consciously pondering every
decision that comes our way, we instead
function primarily on “autopilot” in a survivalist
state of mind most of the time. In doing so, we
take mental shortcuts when processing
information. These mental short cuts take place
on deep subconscious levels so we don‟t even
realize what‟s happening.
The shortcuts work based on comparison. Every
time we are presented with a piece of
information, we subconsciously cross-reference
it with similar information that we‟ve come
73
across in the past and make a split-second
decision.
There are times however when we do move
away from the Reptilian brain and begin using
more of the Limbic System and the Neo Cortex.
It really depends on how important the subject
matter is to us.
If it‟s something that we believe will have a
huge impact on our life, we tend to process the
information differently than when it doesn‟t.
This brings us to the different paths we take
when processing information.
74
Information Processing Routes
Peripheral Route – This is the route which
requires less thinking and involves a lot of
heuristics or mental shortcuts we discussed
earlier. Here the person being influenced isn‟t
really focusing so much on the content of the
information itself as they are focusing on way
that the information is being presented. It is in
this state of mind that the triggers of mind
control and things like framing work
exceptionally well.
Central Route - The central route occurs when
the person being influenced is actively
processing the information and paying very
close attention to what‟s taking place. During
the central route the person is taking A LOT of
things into consideration. Firstly, they are
looking at the source of the information which is
you. They are first trying to see if they can
75
identify with you. Then then they want to
determine if you are a credible source. After
that, they are deciding whether or not you are
trustworthy. After that (and I know this may
sound superficial but I assure you it‟s true) they
take your level of attractiveness into
consideration. And then they begin to analyze
your message
Short Term vs. Long Term
Short-term influence is what you use in one-on-
one interactions where your goal is to gain
immediate compliance. This could include a
sales presentation, a negotiation or a debate
where you are trying to change someone's
opinion on something. In short, it is to be used
in situations where you are trying to gain
immediate compliance from someone and (here
76
is the key point) the decision (in most cases)
doesn‟t involve a lot being at stake.
So for example, short term influence works well
when trying to convince someone to make a
purchase on something or agree with you about
a topic that isn‟t that close to their heart. And in
those situations, they are effective.
BUT, when you‟re dealing with decisions on a
much larger scale where there‟s much more at
stake, you must influence a person a much more
differently.
Now my belief is that the majority of products
and resources available on influence are flawed
for 2 reasons.
The first reason is because they assume that
persuasion and influence are the same thing.
Because of that false assumption, they provide
77
solutions that are based on short term persuasion
and can really only be applied in those
circumstances.
The second reason that I feel they are flawed is
because most of them are based on tactics that
will only work when one is processing
information through the peripheral route; which
as I just explained doesn‟t happen all of the
time.
That‟s where this program is different. It will
provide you with what you need to truly
influence someone by first persuading them in
the short-term and repeatedly persuade them
while at the same time build a relationship with
them over the long-term.
78
The Way The Program is Structured
While it consists of 12 modules, the Code of
Influence is essentially divided into 2 parts. Part
one will focus on short-term, immediate
influence or persuasion tactics where your target
is using the Reptilian brain and processing
information peripherally.
And in part two, we will move more into
individualization by focusing on your target‟s
needs, personality type and decision making
process. Much of what you will learn here will
help you when your target is processing
information centrally.
79
Part I. Persuasion Mastery
Module Three - How People Are Wired
As we have previously discussed, people make
decisions based on emotion and then use logic
to justify those decisions afterwards. Because
of this trend, getting people to change can be
very difficult. Most people are resistant to
change. This is especially true when it comes
to long-term change. It is much easier to get
people to agree to short-term decisions. The
reason for that is that people are stuck in their
ways and habits are very hard things to break.
80
This can be challenging, in particular, if a
person's habits have caused him or her to
behave in a way that is different than what you
are asking in your attempts to persuade. Most
habits are developed based upon previous
behaviors. So generally, when you do
something, you're doing it in the exact same
way that you did it previously. This is what is
known as “wiring.” People are wired to do
things the same way all the time. The only way
to get them to change their wiring is by first
getting them to acquire new behaviors.
I remember when I first started reading about
habits; I found that the general rule is that it
takes three weeks for 21 days to form a new
habit. Well, new evidence is showing us that it
really takes around 5 to 6 days to form a new
habit. So essentially it really takes five days to
create a new understanding within the brain.
81
The problem is that there is a huge
misconception that new habits erase old habits.
And this is simply not true. The person still has
a choice even though the brain has been
conditioned to think in a different way.
So in other words, getting people to go to the
gym for one day is a simple thing to do. But
asking them to do it for the rest of their life can
be a lot more challenging.
The fact of the matter is that beliefs are very
personal to people, and changing them can be
difficult. This is especially true considering the
fact that people will specifically look for proof
or evidence that supports whatever existing
beliefs and they may have. That's why the first
step in using emotions to guide a person's
decision is to begin your presentation from a
place that is in line with their beliefs. That will
82
essentially open up the initial door and enable
you to get in and bring their guard down.
In order to change someone's belief, you must
change the emotional attachment to that belief.
Never try to use force to do this because all you
will do is put this person into fighting mode
where he or she will try even harder to protect
the belief. A better approach is to ask people
questions to help them see things in a different
way and ultimately form different beliefs.
They key here is that the belief must be there.
The conclusion must be theirs and they must
own it. If people do not feel like they are the
ones that made the decision, they will ultimately
feel resistant toward you. Another way to
appeal to people's emotions is by showing them
something called social norms. Social norms
are basically a synopsis of the way the majority
83
of people think or behave when it comes to a
certain topic.
Most people do not like to be considered
outcasts, and so if you can show them that their
decision is in line with what most other people
do, they will begin to form a more positive
emotion towards whatever it is that you're
asking them to do. Another reason why using
social norms to persuade people is so powerful
is because it gives them an excuse to be wrong.
You see most people do not like to admit they
were wrong or incorrect on a certain topic.
Generally speaking, the only way that
somebody can be wrong or incorrect is due to a
fault in his or her thinking. But if they can
justify that they were wrong due to a lack of
information, they will feel better. Therefore, if
you present a piece of missing information to
84
people, they can use that as an excuse for the
reason why they were wrong in the first place.
Pain is a greater motivator than pleasure, and
people will do more to avoid it than they will to
gain pleasure. In other words, people's fears can
motivate them to do just about anything. The
reason behind this is that again is something
extra. This is because a gain puts you in a more
positive space, whereas a loss puts you in the
Disadvantage (Negative State)
Motivation Action
85
negative. No one wants to be in a worse
situation than he or she already is in. This is
why many people will work harder when there
is a chance that they may lose their job, as
opposed to getting a promotion.
People Don’t Even Know What They Want –
Now, most theories on persuasion involve
finding out what the other person wants and
then essentially creating a presentation that
adapts to his or her needs. Through this
method, others will be in compliance with what
you're asking them to do. The problem here is
that in reality, people don't even know what they
want. So trying to determine what they want
when they don't even know is extremely
challenging.
86
Each person has both a conscious mind and a
subconscious mind. The conscious mind works
from a logical standpoint; it can calculate,
compare, and contrast in various functions that
involve thought application. The subconscious
mind works much differently. It works
extremely quickly and computes at very high
speeds. In other words, the subconscious mind
doesn't think. It just exists and acts
automatically.
Interestingly enough, the subconscious mind is
also capable of instantly categorizing and
assigning labels to people that we meet.
People Become Confused Very Easily –
When trying to influence someone to make a
decision, keeping his or her choices limited is
87
extremely important. You'll learn later on in
this book about the law of contrast. This states
that the perception of something changes the
moment that it is compared to something else.
This is the reason why a somewhat attractive
woman looks extremely attractive when she
standing next to a woman that isn‟t really that
attractive at all.
The law of contrast is actually a powerful tool,
because you can completely change the way
something is perceived by your target. The key
to using it effectively, however, is to make sure
that you're not changing the perception of too
many things by offering too many choices. I
remember when I was working in the fitness
industry, I was working for this large chain of
fitness providers and a new CEO had all taken
over the company. He had no fitness experience
at all. He was a master when it came to retail,
but did not really understand how a fitness
business worked.
88
He assumed that by offering many different
types of memberships, we could appeal to many
different types of customers. So he began to
offer things like senior memberships, family
memberships, gym switchers memberships,
couples memberships, etc. These changes
actually did not cause any increase in
membership sales.
And because of this situation, an all-new CEO
was brought in by the Board of Directors with
specific instructions to increase membership
revenue. This CEO (unlike the first one) did
have fitness experience; in fact, he had
extensive fitness and sales experience. The
very first thing that he did was to reduce the
membership options to just one option and
maybe two in certain clubs. This change had a
dramatic impact on the amount of membership
89
revenue that was generated, because the
customer was not confused anymore.
Getting someone to join the gym is a very
emotional decision, because it involves extreme
commitment. There are so many different
excuses to not join that are running through the
customer's head. As a result, offering more
choices just confuses the potential customer
even more. This is the case in any attempt to
persuade someone.
So regardless of whatever it is that you're
offering, always keep your choices extremely
limited. The smaller the better! Statistically
speaking, if a person is presented with just one
choice, odds are he will accept that choice more
times than he would decline it. If you present a
person with two choices, the odds are more
likely that he will not choose either. When you
begin presenting someone with more choices,
90
the odds become even better that he will not
choose any option.
People Prefer The Path Of Least Resistance –
As much as all of us would like to say that we
are motivated and love challenges, the truth is
that most people prefer shortcuts or the easy
way out of something. It's no one's fault, it's
just the way our brains are conditioned. Part of
the reason why people prefer the path of least
resistance is because people associate resistance
with pain.
And as I mentioned earlier, people will do more
to avoid pain and to gain pleasure. When you
structure your presentation, it is always
important to focus on rewards and what people
have to gain. But it's even more important to
focus on what they may lose if they don't take
91
action. This will help overcome any
associations that they have with experiencing
pain from complying with your requests.
People are influenced more by the way a
question is framed or presented rather than the
content of the question itself.
People Have Different Representational
Systems –
Generally speaking, there are three different
ways that people interpret information. One of
the biggest mistakes that people make when
trying to influence or persuade others is to
deliver their presentation based on what they
think is right, what they think is fair and what
they think makes sense.
92
In other words, people assume that the most
effective way to gain compliance from others is
by sharing their own perspective or point of
view. The reality is that when you are trying to
persuade someone, you must first gain his or her
attention. This can be quite challenging,
because most people really don't listen, they just
simply remain quiet and wait for their turn to
talk.
Every time you make a presentation based on
your point of view, all you do is reinforce the
behavior characterized by people not listening to
you; they're just simply waiting for their turn to
talk. The key to gaining their attention quickly
and engaging them is to construct your
presentation around their view of the world, as
opposed to yours.
Remember, if everyone saw the world the same
way and shared the same opinions, there would
93
be no need to influence and persuade. Everyone
would naturally be in compliance with one
another. The method by which you construct
your presentation around their view of the world
is by determining their representational systems.
Representational systems are nothing more than
the way we think, talk, understand and represent
the world. In neuro-linguistic programming
(NLP), there are three recognized
representational systems, which include visual,
auditory, and kinesthetic.
94
Visual people relate to the world generally by
the way they see things. When they speak, they
will use terms like, “I see, what you're saying”
or “I can see why you would think that way.”
Visual people like to see the world in terms of
pictures. Therefore, creating a visual story or
painting a picture for someone with this
representational system will be more effective
than anything else you might attempt. They
also like to observe others and may be
95
fascinated with photography or things that
generally involve visualization. These people
also tend to enjoy reading and watching movies.
What's interesting is that they usually remember
names as a result of a visual cue that they
received. For example, when they first meet a
person, something about that person's face
would remind them of the person's name.
Visual people are also very concerned with their
appearance, and they work better when
following directions that are clearly written
down. When trying to influence a visual
thinker, your best bet is to provide him or her
with written documentation in the form of
directions, proof or a general explanation of
what you're speaking about.
96
Next on the list are auditory people. Auditory
people assimilate information by tuning in or
listening to hear what it is that they are being
told. They also enjoy talking with others.
Conversation is something that they find very
interesting.
For auditory people, the world is represented by
sound. Therefore, to get their attention and
engage them, you must say something that
sounds very appealing to them.
Just as visual people like to look at directions,
auditory people would rather hear directions
read out loud by someone else. Retaining the
information that they are looking at can be
difficult. However, it is much easier for
auditory people to hear the information.
97
Auditory people like to use phrases like, “That
sounds good,” or “That is clear as a bell,” and
“Listen to me.”
Simply put, auditory people understand spoken
language more than anything else. Therefore,
when making a presentation, focus more on the
way that you are saying things as opposed to
writing things down or trying to create a vision
for them.
The third type of representational system is
called kinesthetic. People who fall into this
category make decisions and behave based upon
the way something feels to them. You could
call them touchy-feely people. They relate to
both touch and motion.
98
Kinesthetic people assimilate information with
their feelings and sense of touch. And because
of this, they are very skilled in certain areas. As
an example, they are typically known to acquire
a physical skill faster than the average person.
Common phrases that you may hear a
kinesthetic person say are things like, “Callous”
or “All washed up.” They may also use phrases
like, “I feel you” or “That feels right.” They
also like to give analogies that relate to the way
you would feel if certain events took place.
Instead of saying, “I was really mad,” they
would say something like “My blood was
boiling.”
The key to any persuasion attempt is to build
rapport. Rapport is basically the connection that
you create with people, which lowers their
99
guard and makes them more receptive to your
presentation.
One of the most effective ways to build rapport
is by determining which representational system
a person has. If you find that he or she uses
phrases like “Seeing your point” or “Looking
ahead to the future,” chances are this person is a
visual thinker and you should communicate with
them in a way that is conducive to their
representational system.
Aside from understanding your message more
clearly, they will also feel naturally connected to
you, as people generally feel bonded or
connected to those that remind them of
themselves or those with whom they have things
in common with. The next time you begin a
100
conversation with someone, pay attention to the
way he or she communicates. You'll begin to
notice that people generally fall into one of
these three categories, and you will be better
equipped to communicate with them.
1.) People make impulsive decisions and then
stand behind that impulse as if the decision was
made logically with a lot of thought behind it.
2.) When a person‟s decision turns out to have
good results, he or she is quick to take the
credit. When the results are unfavorable, the
person tends to blame external sources like
timing and luck.
3.) People make decisions based on emotion
and then use logic to justify those decisions.
4.) People are unaware of the fact that the
manner in which a question is framed plays a
101
bigger role in how people respond to it than the
content of the question itself.
5.) When making decisions, people
overemphasize the role of consequence or pain
nearly 3 times as much what‟s really at stake.
6.) People tend to avoid perceived risk.
7.) Most people are not equipped to really
calculate the chances that an event will or will
not take place.
8.) People tend to make decisions
independently, rather than seeking the advice of
someone else who can provide a different
perspective.
9.) Most people will take a sure thing (even
when it doesn‟t make sense) as opposed to
102
taking the risk of gaining something with 50/50
odds.
10.) People are unaware of how they can
become influenced by specific questions, which
unconsciously change their minds.
Conscious vs. Subconscious
The subconscious mind is incapable of thinking
or making decisions, and it will never have
these capabilities. All it simply does is assess
the surroundings and respond in a way to avoid
pain, fear, consequences or any other type of
negative associations. The crazy thing is that in
most human beings, the subconscious is
controlling most decisions. What this means is
103
that most people are behaving under the
direction of something that can't even think!
There are many instances where the
subconscious mind provides great benefits.
These are situations in which a history or
experience of successful decisions are involved.
Before we go any further, realize that your
intuition is nothing more than your immediate
reactions and the way that you feel about them-
not the way you think about them. In cases
where your previous decisions were correct,
your intuition will serve you positively. If,
however, you do not have extensive experience
in making good decisions when it comes to
certain areas, your intuition will be
questionable.
For example, if you have extensive experience
in cooking, and generally make delicious dishes,
your intuition will, in most cases, serve you
104
positively when deciding how to create a dish
using different ingredients, measurements,
cooking methods etc. However, if every time
you attempted to cook, you created a disaster on
the plate, you would probably avoid cooking
more and more. The bottom line is that this is
nothing more than an attempt to avoid pain,
fear, consequence or any negative emotions that
are attached to things.
105
Module Four - The Persuasion Foundation
Welcome to Module Three - The reason I
entitled Module Three “The Foundation” is
because in order for everything else that you're
going to learn to actually work, you have to
understand the concept that it was built upon.
Just as you can't build a house that will stand up
without the right type of foundation, you can't
create an effective ability to influence without
understanding the foundation by which it works.
106
Emotion vs. Logic
As human beings, we would like to think that
when we make decisions, we scrutinize and
evaluate the information that we‟re given and
then ultimately make a logical decision based on
our evaluation. In reality, however, nothing
could be further from the truth. Human beings
very rarely make decisions that way; most of the
time our decision-making process takes place
without us even realizing it. This is because
when living in the in the age of information,
there is just not enough time for anyone to really
evaluate every single piece of information that
comes our way and then decide what we‟re
going to do with it.
107
Let's face it; thinking is hard work. We have to
think about what we‟re going to wear to work,
what to do at work, what we‟re going to do with
our lives, how we are going to get what we want
from our children, what to make for dinner,
what our futures will be like, what our children's
future is going to be like, etc. That‟s a lot to
take in!
There are so many things in life to think about
that to consciously ponder every single decision
that you're going to make is almost impossible.
So instead, what we have are mental short-cuts
that we use to dissect all of this information and
make rapid decisions. These short-cuts appear in
the form of preconceived ideas about what we
believe or how we believe certain things should
be. When we come across something that
108
involves making a decision, we subconsciously
cross-reference it with all the preconceived
notions and beliefs that we have and then make
a decision. This is why human beings are
generally susceptible to the mental triggers that
I'm going to speak about in this book.
Activating these mental triggers takes place on a
subconscious level, which means that when
people respond to the triggers, they don't even
realize that they're doing it.
Much research has shown that over 90% of the
reason behind a person's action to make a
purchase is associated with a decision that takes
place on a subconscious level. What that means
is that most of the time when we buy something,
we‟re doing it for reasons that we really haven't
even fully developed in our conscious minds.
109
Now there are many reasons why people don't
really think about making decisions. It could be
the fact that with so much information available,
people get overwhelmed or sometimes the
decision really isn't going to impact our lives
that dramatically. Or, it is just simply that
doesn't involve much research or thinking.
The bottom line is that as humans, we love
taking short-cuts because it makes the mental
work much easier. How many times have you
walked into a store and relied on the sales
person's advice or brought a friend along to get
their opinion when buying something? Most
people will never admit this, but many of us can
buy something just because of the way it looks
or because of the label that's on it. Have you
ever purchased a piece of clothing because of
110
the manufacturer‟s name as opposed to
investigating the quality of the clothing and the
fabric itself?
Realize this; you can never really logically
understand why human beings behave in a
certain way, because we are not logical people.
Instead, we are emotional people making
decisions primarily based on emotions, but we
think we are logical.
Therefore, the only way to predict how most
people will behave is to organize them in
groups, provide some sort of stimulus and then
monitor the response. These are known as
111
studies. Most of the time, the results that they
provide prove how illogical people really are.
Countless psychological studies have shown
that people react more to the way that
information is presented to them rather than the
content of the information itself. In this next
part of the book, I'm going to explain how to use
a body of knowledge built on psychological
factors and show you how you can get people to
behave the way you want them to. True masters
of influence and persuasion are very well aware
of these triggers and how to use them to their
advantage. And they do so very, very often.
While it took me many years to research these
mental triggers, how they work and how to
apply them, the good news is that once you
learn how they work, they become second
112
nature. Think about the first time you tried to
ride a bike. In the beginning, it seems like the
hardest thing to do in the world. But once you
get how to ride a bicycle, you‟re set for life.
You never forget, it always works and it really
doesn‟t even involve much effort. Well, that‟s
exactly the way mastering the triggers of
influence works. Once you get it down, it will
remain that way forever. You won‟t even have
to think about how to use them, just like the first
time you learned to ride a bike.
The triggers that I am going to speak about are
universal laws for peripheral processing. When
you act in accordance with them, they will yield
the desired result when your target is processing
information peripherally or using the Reptilian
brain.
113
When information is being processed centrally,
you and the person that you're trying to
persuade consciously try to understand exactly
what the conversation is about and then process
that information. With the central route, there is
a lot of evaluating going on. People are trying to
decipher the pros and cons, benefits, rewards
and consequences of whatever decisions they
make.
When the target is taking the peripheral route,
there is no time to evaluate. There is virtually
no time for processing information consciously.
During this approach, we are activating the
mental triggers that I'm going to speak about.
When this approach is done really effectively,
114
you‟ll gain more compliance from others than
you ever thought possible.
A Word About Logic….
In a world where people are driven primarily by
emotions, logic does have its place.
I've read tons of books on sales and dedicated
most of my life to mastering the art of selling.
Many sales experts or gurus claim that every
decision that we make is primarily an emotional
one, and that logic is used later to justify that
decision. This is true. Even the most logical
decisions are driven by an emotion. Take the
decision to not stand in front of a truck going 60
115
mph. While it may appear that this is a logical
decision because you don‟t want to get hurt or
even die, it is the emotion of fear that is
ultimately driving that decision.
Here is what most of the gurus don‟t talk
about…. Some people like to think they make
decisions logically, like “thinkers,” for example.
These people are not swayed by emotional
arguments. They like hard data and facts that
support a particular point of view. But this
desire to make decisions logically is still driven
by the emotional need to be logical. Therefore,
when persuading these types of people, it‟s
important to appear that you are appealing to the
logical side of their brains. However, keep in
mind that you are still triggering emotions
within them as well.
116
Emotions are essentially what fuel the world.
Emotions are what create love, hate, war, life,
death and just about everything else that we do.
But make no mistake; logic does play a role in
the emotional experience. And therefore, you
must always remember to balance tapping into
logic and emotion when influencing certain
people. People are definitely more likely to
believe what you say based on logic. But
ultimately, it is their emotion that will move
them to take action. Many different studies
have shown that more than 90% of the decisions
that we make are emotionally driven. Yes, we
use logic afterwards to justify our actions and
why we did certain things. However,
ultimately, it is emotion that prompts us to first
take action.
117
When using emotion to guide behaviors or
thought processes, you can sometimes first
engage people using logic, and then tap into the
emotion to get them to take action. For
example, let‟s say I wanted to persuade you to
buy a car. But it was a $250,000 Ferrari, which
you knew logically you cannot afford. The fact
is that we would never even get to the influence
process. Because you've already made a logical
decision, it would not even be worth it to speak
with me.
Back to my point, we as human beings like logic
in some cases. And in those cases, it‟s extremely
valuable. For example, when we are trying to
draw conclusions based on evidence that's been
given to others, we use logic. In fact, for an
argument to even make sense or to even be
118
worth speaking about, it has to be true and valid,
which means there has to be some level of logic
involved.
Once all of that has been established, then we
can move into the emotional part of how this
works. There are various types of logic that you
can use to influence someone, and one of my
favorites is the analogy. Basically, an analogy
is when you reconstruct your point using an
example of how your point makes sense, but it's
done using a completely different situation. The
reason why I like analogies so much is because
they enable me to get to the point fast. It opens
up a new perspective for the person to
understand what I'm talking about. One of the
first rules of influence is that the audience must
understand what you're saying. And oftentimes,
just repeating your point over and over again
119
doesn't do the job. If you can create a different
scenario with a similar meaning, chances are
your audience will be able to see things in a
different way and they will ultimately agree
with you.
Statistics are another great way to use logic to
persuade someone. People love statistics.
Statistics prove that a general number of people
believe, act or behave in a certain way. What
this leads to is one of the mental triggers, which
is called social validation. When people see that
a majority of other people are thinking or acting
in a certain way, they assume first that it must
be right or it must be correct. Secondly, this
supports your case. If you are referencing a
statistic that indicates that a certain event has
taken place numerous times, it brings logic to
the table. You can use this logic as evidence in
120
your presentation. Have you ever seen a book
cover that says “Number one bestseller” or
“Over one million copies sold”? This tells the
customer that many other people have bought
this book and subconsciously sends a message
that says the product must be good if so many
people purchased it.
When using logic to influence, there are a
couple of different rules that I like to follow:
Rule #1 – Third Party Evidence Is A Must –
First, whenever you use evidence, use it from a
third-party expert rather than presenting it from
yourself. Using a third-party expert or third-
party opinion shows the person you're trying to
influence that it's not just you that believes what
121
you're saying, but someone with knowledge and
expertise feels the same way. This is why
testimonials from others (particularly experts)
are so powerful.
122
Rule # 2 – Use Up To Date Information –
Always use information that is updated, new
and relevant to the times. I can‟t tell you how
many books I've read where the author is trying
to make a point, and he or she will bring up a
study of something that took place 10 years ago.
It automatically turns me off and makes me
think that he or she is probably not using the
newer studies because the consensus has
changed since then, and the author doesn't want
to counteract the point that he or she is trying to
make.
123
Rule # 3 – Use Evidence That Your Audience
Can Relate To –
Always make sure that whatever evidence
you're going to use is congruent to your
audience‟s belief system. This goes back to one
of the very first rules, which is knowing your
audience. You don't ever want to make a
presentation using evidence that is not in line
with your target‟s beliefs. Doing so may offend
someone or completely turn your target away to
the point where he or she will no longer be
receptive to your presentation. Logic is how we
persuade people on a conscious level, but
emotion is the method that we use to persuade
people on a subconscious level. It takes place in
a way that people don't even realize it is
happening.
124
Human beings formulate emotions based on
how we feel about certain things. We generate
these feelings due to a number of different
factors. Most of it has to do with past
experiences, upbringing and society. Those
three things contribute to how we feel about
certain things and how we develop morals,
beliefs and values. When something is in line
with our morals, beliefs and values, it positively
impacts us, strikes our emotion and moves us to
take action. However, when something is
opposed to our beliefs or morals, we will take
action, but in a different way. In fact, usually
we will take action in the opposite direction to
avoid whatever is being presented.
125
There are many different types of emotions that
people experience including confidence, fear,
patience, anger and kindness, but in my opinion,
there are a couple of different emotions that can
be used to persuade someone. The first one is
worry. Psychological evidence shows that
people make decisions based on two things- one
is the desire to feel pleasure and the other is to
avoid pain. Worry is the feeling of anxiousness,
or uneasiness that something unwanted is going
to happen, and worry is ultimately associated
with pain. So this emotion clearly is something
that can be very powerful in getting a person to
take action.
126
When persuading someone by tapping into his
or her emotions, there are a couple of different
things you should pay attention to. Aristotle
highlighted three aspects that are very
important. The first is the nature of the actual
experience, so this could be where you are at the
time of your presentation. There's a big
difference between the emotional states of
people at a funeral and the emotional states of
people at a wedding. Always keep that in mind
when using emotion to influence. The second
thing that you need to pay attention to is the
type of people that you are directing your
message to. General values, morals, beliefs and
thought systems vary from culture to culture and
from region to region. What may work in one
part of the country with one culture may be not
work in another part of the country where the
127
culture and belief systems are drastically
different.
The Triggers Of Mind Control
It is now time to explore the triggers of
persuasion. These triggers are sometimes called
“The Laws of Influence” because they have
been proven time and time again to work when
one is processing information peripherally. The
triggers consist of various tactics that have been
shown to cause the majority of people to behave
in a certain way.
128
I. Obligation/Reciprocity -People generally
feel obligated to return favors or good deeds
that have been done to them by others.
The first trigger is known as the obligation
trigger. Many years ago, when Dr. Robert
Cialdini - whom I consider to be the "godfather”
of influence - was beginning his psychological
research to really determine what makes people
think and act in a certain way, one of the
essential aspects that he touched upon was the
reciprocity factor. People generally feel
obligated to return favors or good deeds that
have been done to them by others. What this
means is that if you do something good for
someone, chances are they will feel indebted to
you and want to return the favor. This is a
129
technique that has been used for thousands of
years.
Even in ancient times when people didn't have
money and barter was the general method of
exchange among people, using reciprocity was
just as popular then at as it is now. We see this
phenomenon often in sales. I've been a
salesman for practically my entire life. Most of
the selling that I did was in the fitness industry.
When someone would enter the club asking
about membership information, the first thing I
would do is offer the prospect of free bottle of
water. This instantly sends a subconscious
reciprocation trigger to the prospect causing
them to feel obligated to me in some way, shape
or form. And in most cases, the way that the
130
prospect returned the favor was by purchasing
my product or service.
Now I'm not saying that by simply giving the
prospect a bottle of water or a gift of some sort
will always result in a sale. But the likelihood
of you making the sale increases dramatically
when you do give something away. There's an
old saying that says, “Smiles are contagious.”
This means that when someone smiles at us, we
smile back. This is the obligation trigger in its
rawest form. Many times, we receive smiles
from people that we don't even know or that we
have no history with and/or have never done
anything with. But when they smile at us, we
automatically feel indebted to smile back at
them.
131
There have been many multimillion-dollar
negotiations that began with one party bringing
a gift to the meeting and presenting it to the
other party before the negotiation even begins.
This is a goodwill gesture, which sends a
message into the mind of the other party that
you‟re here for a win-win and you want all
parties to benefit. This lowers the resistance of
the other party and makes them more receptive
to whatever you have to say. It also gives them
an internal feeling of obligation.
Just as people feel naturally obliged to return
favors, they also feel very uneasy if they don't
return favors or if favors are not returned to
them. The reciprocity or obligation trigger is
nothing new and has been used for thousands of
years. The key to making it work is by knowing
132
what to offer and ensuring that it will be on the
same level of what you expect in return. I've
seen countless people try to apply the obligation
trigger only to have it not work because the
other party had different idea or viewpoint about
whatever was contributed to them. Always
make sure you‟re on the same level as your
target.
I. Contrast – The perception of something
changes when it is compared to something
else.
The next trigger that I want to talk about is the
contrast trigger, which shows us is that
something always looks different when
compared to something else. This is often why
you will see a price tag on a retail item that has
been crossed out with a lower price. Imagine
133
walking into a store to buy a pair of jeans that
you have been looking for. You have been
debating about whether or not you really want to
spend the money on another pair of jeans, but
you‟ve convinced yourself that you need them
and you‟ll probably buy them if you can find
them “at the right price”. You find the jeans in
your size and look at the price tag, which says
$79. You begin to wonder if the $79 is the right
price. Now imagine if that same thing had
happened again only this time the price tag said
$110 slashed down to $79.
Now, compared to the $110 price tag, the $79
seems like a good deal. However, in reality, it‟s
the same price. The only thing that changed
was your perception once it was compared to
something else. This is the contrast trigger in
action.
134
We see this in sales all the time. We make a
presentation, and when we get to the price point,
we always set a higher price, which becomes
discounted down to a lower price. Through this
means, the prospect feels like he or she is
getting a deal. If I'm selling you something for
$50, and I present it to you at $50, you will look
at that figure and think for a few seconds about
what that figure means to you based on previous
experience, values and general beliefs. You
will then decide whether or not $50 is, in your
opinion, a lot of money. But if I presented the
product to you and told you that it costs $300,
but you could get it for $50, that product
instantly appears more valuable to you. That's
how the trigger of contrast works. You take
something, compare it to something else and
you instantly change the perception of what you
are presenting to other people.
135
Many real estate agents use the trigger contrast
when trying to sell homes. They will purposely
show a prospect or a potential homebuyer a
house that is falling apart prior to showing the
house that they really want to sell them. When
the prospect sees the second house, it
instantaneously looks more glamorous and
better maintained than the first house. This
again ties into the fact that people need to use
mental short-cuts when making decisions, as we
very rarely have the time to assess and logically
make a decision. We need to cross-reference
whatever is being presented to us to whatever
we've been presented with in the past.
Generally speaking, if whatever we‟re being
presented with now seems better or equal to
something we were presented with in the past,
we will take action to obtain it. If it seems
worse, we will not.
136
There are many different ways to use the trigger
of contrast. Here are a few examples that have
worked very well for me in the past. The first
example is drilling down to the minimum. If I
were selling a gym membership that costs $75
per month, I would show the prospect how that
figure works out to be just $2.50 a day. This
completely changes the person‟s perception
because he or she never thought about it that
way. Most people will question whether or not
they can afford $75 a month. But few people
will question whether they can afford $2.50 a
day.
This goes into the second way that you can use
the trigger of contrast by changing a person's
perception. You can frame your verbal
packaging differently. The first question people
would always ask me when deciding to join the
gym is if the club gets crowded. I certainly
would not want to lie to them, but I would
137
respond by saying “The usage levels vary from
time to time with Mondays and Tuesdays
having the most activity”. More activity sounds
a lot better than crowded.
There are several ways to use the contrast
trigger. You can either add more
benefits/rewards or reduce the
consequences/risks. All you simply need to do
is present the situation in a way that you know
the other party will not like and then re-present
it again in a manner that seems more beneficial
to them. As I said before, each one of us
perceives things in a different way, but we all
perceive each thing that we see differently when
we compare it to something else. It is for this
reason that a person weighing 200 pounds looks
thinner when standing next to someone that
weighs 300 pounds, but looks heavier when
standing next to someone that weighs 175
138
pounds. This is how the human mind makes
comparisons.
Another way to use the contrast trigger is to
create a different frame of reference to shift
someone's focus. What this does is completely
change the perspective by which the other party
is seeing things. The best time to apply the
contrast trigger in this format is when there is a
part of your presentation that you feel may deter
the other party. For example, if you were
selling a car that was due for a tune up at
100,000 miles and the car already had 90,000
miles on it, instead of saying this car will need a
tune up in the next 10,000 miles; you could
focus on how the car can have 100,000 miles
before getting its first tune-up.
The first time that I ever saw the contrast trigger
used in this way was when I was a young boy.
My mom always prevented me from eating junk
139
food. So any time I would get to eat any junk
food, it was a rare treat. I loved Cheez Doodles.
I remember loving them so much that I would
read the back of the bag to see what ingredients
were in them. I remember a saying on the back
of the bag that read something like “Deep fried
to ensure crispiness and great taste”. This is a
clear example of how the Cheez Doodle
manufacturer is focusing on the benefits that
result from deep-frying rather than the health
risks.
Another way to apply the contrast trigger during
negotiations is through the concession process.
Let's say you want to sell your television to
someone for $100. If you start at $300 and
make several concessions, you will finally
arrive at the number that you wanted, which was
$100. The reason for this is because $100
seems very inexpensive or cheap when
compared to the $300 figure. If you had started
140
out just slightly higher than $100, like with
$150, and began making concessions you
would, in all likelihood, wind up having to sell
your TV for a much lower price than you
originally wanted.
The effectiveness of the contrast trigger (or any
trigger for that matter) can also vary greatly
because of timing and circumstance. For
example, let's say I work for a multilevel
marketing company and I was trying to find new
recruits. Let's assume you had some interest in
getting involved, but you already had a full-time
job that demanded a lot of your time.
In presenting the benefits and rewards that you
receive by becoming involved, I would focus on
the extra income that you would earn. You
would then decide whether or not it would be
worth the extra time that you would have to
invest to make that extra income. But had I
141
made that presentation to you on the same day
that you just lost your job, you would see things
much differently. Because of the timing, I can
now use the contrast trigger in a way where I am
comparing multilevel marketing income as
primary income rather than extra income. What
this example clearly illustrates is that our ability
to behave and make decisions can be greatly
impacted at any moment depending on timing
and circumstances. Therefore, when using the
trigger of contrast, make sure that you are
always aware of the level of pain, pleasure,
reward or consequence as it pertains to the other
party.
I. Internal Conflict – We must act in a way
that is conducive to our morals and beliefs.
The next trigger of control that I want to talk
about is the internal conflict trigger. As
humans, we feel the need to act in accordance
142
with our core beliefs and values. In other
words, it is very difficult for us to behave or act
in a way that is different from what we really
believe deep down in our hearts.
Leon Festiger‟s greatest contribution to
psychology was formulating something called
the cognitive dissonance theory. He stated
when our actions conflict with our attitudes or
beliefs, we become uncomfortable and we are
motivated to change the behavior that is
incongruent with our own beliefs. The method
by which the internal conflict trigger works is
by leveraging the fact that people tend to act in a
manner that is congruent to their beliefs and
values. When we act in a way that is different
than what our values and beliefs represent, we
find ourselves in a state of discomfort.
Acting in a way that is not consistent with your
core beliefs and values can produce anxiety,
143
negative emotions and all-around feelings of
general discomfort. It creates an immense
amount of tension within us, and an overall
feeling of being off balance. Human beings like
balance and we will do just about anything to
achieve it and relieve ourselves from internal
discomfort or uneasiness that is caused when we
act differently than what we believe is right.
When we experience this internal conflict that I
speak of, we don't like it. We will do whatever
it takes to experience balance once again. There
are many different ways in which we do this
including the following:
Rationalization - The first method is that we‟re
going to cover is rationalization.
Rationalization is when someone finds excuses
or reasons why the loss of balance or
inconsistency is acceptable. We often find
ourselves justifying our behavior or decisions to
make ourselves feel better.
144
Denial - Next on the list is denial. Denial is
probably the most common and easiest form of
reducing the tension. In this case, the person
simply denies that the problem even exists. He
or she can do this by ignoring the entire
situation or choosing to believe that the source
where the information is coming from is not
reliable.
Correction - The next method that we use to
reduce internal conflict is trying to find
evidence to support why the information we
received is inaccurate.
Reframing - The next method is called
reframing. Here, the person essentially changes
his or her interpretation of the meaning behind
the message that was given. As a result of
reframing, a person either changes his or her
thought process entirely or reduces the level of
145
value concerning the entire matter, as if it‟s just
not that important to them.
Separation - Last but certainly not the least is
separation. In this case, people simply separate
themselves from events or matters that are
causing the internal conflict. They do this by
saying things like “One thing has nothing to do
with the other.”
146
All of these examples simply illustrate how we
alleviate the internal conflict within by doing
whatever it takes to convince ourselves that we
made the right decision. This is why in sales it
is extremely important to get the prospect to
make a purchase on the same day. Once a
person has made a purchase, he or she is
mentally invested in the product or service and
will then do whatever it takes to convince him
or herself that the right decision was made.
A word about commitments…
Of all the results that we can achieve by using
the internal conflict trigger, perhaps the greatest
is getting people to keep whatever commitments
they make. Researchers have found that people
who gamble are much more confident about the
outcome of the game after they have placed
their bet. In general, most people want to
follow through on their commitments. It is not
147
because of their own personal values and
morals; it‟s because of the way they feel they
will be perceived by society if they don‟t. This
is why getting commitments from people is
extremely important to the influence process.
The more public the commitment is, the more
effective the trigger is.
There are three types of commitments that you
can get from people. The first is a written
commitment, which is basically an exchange of
promises that is documented and signed
between two or more parties. The second type
is what we call a minor commitment. The
purpose of a minor commitment is to eventually
lead someone into a major commitment. People
tend to buy or comply with people that they
have bought from or complied with in the past.
Therefore, if you can gain a commitment in any
form - even if it is small - it will help you
148
because it will eventually make it easier to gain
a larger commitment.
The third type of commitment - which is
extremely powerful – is a public commitment.
Anytime a person makes a commitment in front
of other people, he or she feels a burning desire
to support that commitment no matter what.
People do not want to look like hypocrites to the
public. As an effective sales manager for many
years, I not only had every one of my
salespeople put their commitments in writing,
but I also had them do it in front of everyone
during team meetings because I knew this
would instill in them a burning desire to keep
their commitments and not look like failures.
Here is how you can put the internal conflict
trigger to full use. First gain a commitment
(publicly if possible) from the other party. The
more public the commitment, the more likely it
149
is to be kept. Second, you want to gain what I
call “gradual and continuous” confirmations.
What I mean by this is that you start out with
smaller requests that gradually lead to bigger
ones. Gaining these types of confirmations do
two things. First, they open the door for the
possibility of the other party complying because
you're starting out small. Secondly, it begins
the process of them complying with you. The
more people comply with you, the easier it will
be to gain compliance from them in the future.
One thing you must keep in mind when you are
gaining commitments from other people is that
these commitments must be voluntary. The
person must choose to commit to whatever it is
that you're asking of them. You do not want to
use force in any way, shape or form, because if
you do, this process will have a poor result.
People ultimately want to do what they feel in
their heart. And if you force them into doing
150
what they believe is what you want, rather than
what they want, the internal conflict trigger will
backfire on you. In this case, the person
internally feels one way and you have forced
him or her to act in a way that is different than
that. Eventually, this person will have to return
to behaviors that reflect his or her inner values.
Once you've gained the commitment, the next
step is to create the conflict. You do this by
showing the other party how their thoughts,
decisions and behaviors to not comply with
what you are offering is causing them to not
keep their commitment. Once you have done
this, the person will feel the sense of internal
conflict, uneasiness, anxiousness and
discomfort. This is where you offer the solution
to resolve the internal conflict that resides
within them through your product, service or
point of view. So again, the three steps to using
the internal conflict trigger are:
151
1.) Gain a commitment
2.) Create the conflict
3.) Offer a solution to resolve the conflict
Commitment
Conflict
Solution
152
I. Connection - The link that exists between
others can be enough to create the emotional
need to act.
The next mental trigger that we‟re going to talk
about is the connection trigger. The link that
exists between others can sometimes be enough
to create the emotional need for someone to take
action. Have you ever met someone for the first
time and within mere moments you feel an
instant connection to this person? It's almost as
if you have known this person your entire life.
This connection to the other person makes his or
her ability to persuade you stronger than
someone that does not have that connection.
Connection is an extremely powerful thing, and
the reason for that is because personal
connections are centered on emotion. And
when the emotion is strong enough, it can
propel a person to do just about anything. When
153
creating connection, there are four main factors
that are involved:
Rapport - Rapport is what is known as the
instant connection between a person and another
person or one person and a group of people. In
sales, the stronger your rapport is with someone,
the more likely it is that you will be able to
convince him or her to purchase your product or
service. In fact, in many cases there is an
imaginary line that you sometimes have to cross
to make your point. The more rapport that you
have with someone, the more room you have to
cross that line and make your point. Have you
ever noticed that you are less likely to hold
certain things back during an argument with a
close friend or a family member? In some
cases, it's exactly what you did not hold back
that caused you to win the argument.
154
When you don‟t have rapport with someone you
must be more reserved. When you are being
reserved, you sometimes cannot say or speak the
winning word or sentence that's going to close
the deal. Simply put, the more rapport you have
with someone, the more likely you are to gain
compliance. Sometimes rapport alone can be
enough to gain compliance. I can't tell you how
many times I was able to just pick up the phone
and convince someone to help me without even
really telling that person anything about what is
involved. That's how strong the rapport was
between me and people!
One of the most powerful ways to create rapport
is through body language. Yet, this is also one
of the most powerful ways to destroy it.
Whether you realize it or not, you are constantly
sending and receiving communication signals
with other people without even saying a word.
Our bodies are constantly giving off certain
155
messages that are being subconsciously read by
other people.
Statistics show that we are perceived verbally
only 7% of the time. We are perceived vocally
38% of the time, and we are perceived visually
through body language 55% of the time. The
majority of the way people are perceived is
through their body language. To fully capitalize
on and leverage body language, you must not
only understand the signals that you give off
through body language, but you also must
master being able to receive and pick up the
signals being sent out via body language by
other people. When you can accurately figure
out what another person is thinking by his or her
body language, you can really take things to the
next level. There are many different ways to
persuade people, but because we are all
different, different methods work better for
different people.
156
One of the most important methods that you can
use to figure out which triggers will work best is
through understanding the body language of the
other person. In my opinion, the most important
beacon of body language is the eyes. If you pay
close enough attention to the direction of
someone‟s eyes, you can easily see if a person is
lying to you, uncomfortable with the interaction,
confident with what he is about to say, upset
with you, nervous and most importantly, truly
engaged in what you are trying to convey
through the various channels of human
expression. The second body part, which is also
extremely important in terms of receiving body
language signals, is the hands. We can learn a
lot about a person by the way they use their
hands.
157
For example, a person with clenched fists will
be perceived as someone who is angry or is
feeling a lot of tension at the moment. When
your hands are tucked away in your pockets or
behind your back, people assume you're hiding
something or you‟re holding something back.
Taking your hands and placing them on your
hips will make you appear stronger, more
confident and more dominant. Covering up any
part of your face, like your mouth, nose or eyes
etc, will make you appear dishonest.
One of the most important things someone can
do with their body is the method by which they
shake someone's hand. A strong handshake
signifies confidence and trust in the relationship
between both parties. A weak handshake
conveys a lack of interest in the relationship.
Your legs are also very important. When a
person points their feet directly at you - if they
158
are facing you – they are probably very
interested in what you're saying. If they are
pointed in the opposite direction, they probably
have little interest in what you have to say and
cannot wait for you to shut up so they can move
on.
If a person is tilting his or her head toward you
in your direction, he or she is probably very
interested in what you have to say. If
someone‟s head is tilted away, he or she is
either not interested in what you have to say or
there is a lack of trust on some level. Other
signals that you can pay close attention to when
it comes to body language include:
Hand On The Cheek – This means the person
is evaluating or considering what you are saying
and really thinking hard about it.
159
Head Nodding – This means the person is
showing genuine interest in understanding and
has the desire to know more.
Leaning In – This means the person is showing
that he or she is interested, engaged and eager to
know more about what you're saying.
Leaning Away- This means the person is
feeling discomfort and resistance.
Fingers In Mouth – This means the person is
either annoyed or impatient and wants to leave.
Relaxed Posture – This means the person is
showing that he or she is open to the
conversation.
Fidgety – This means the person is nervous,
impatient or simply bored with what you're
saying.
160
Holding Tightly Onto Surrounding Objects –
This means the person is definitely anxious or
nervous.
You may be familiar with a powerful concept
called Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP,
which was created by Richard Bandler and John
Grinder. Two of the key elements of NLP are
mirroring and matching. What this means is
that we basically act in a way that is similar to
Head nodding
Hand the cheek
Leaning in Leaning
away
Relaxed posture
Fingers in your mouth
Fidgety Holding
tightly to surrounding
objects
161
the other person. This behavior creates a
connection. Many times, we do this without
even thinking about it. Have you ever noticed
that you may talk or act differently around
certain people? You may use a different type of
slang, a different tone of voice or you may even
use certain terms that you know that person can
relate to or will find funny that you would not
use with others.
162
Well, when applying mirroring and matching
through NLP, you are simply adopting a more
systematic approach to what you do naturally.
People have various aspects that you can mirror
and match including their voice, their mood,
their emotion, their breathing, their language
and their energy level. The stronger the
mirroring and matching is, the higher the
probability that you will be able to influence and
persuade them. And when the mirror or match
is broken, the ability to influence and persuade
will be less likely. In fact, the probability will
even be less than it was before you even knew
this person.
Think of it this way; the more mirroring and
matching you can do with someone; the more
influence deposits are being put into the bank
account. When you break the mirroring or
matching pattern, it‟s as if money has been
163
taken of the account so you are now at a loss
and have to make up lost ground.
Attraction - The second factor in connectivity
is attraction. Whether we want to admit it or
not, the more attracted we are to someone, the
more likely we are to comply with his or her
requests. When I speak of attractiveness, I am
not only referring to physical attractiveness,
although that is one aspect of the game.
Physical attractiveness is definitely very
important to the influence process. Even though
looks are not everything, in most cases they are
the first thing. Our perception of how others
look is the first thing that we can judge them on
because we haven't spoken to them yet.
Obviously, we cannot change our looks.
However, we can do things to make ourselves
look more attractive including dressing nicely,
keeping up with trends and keeping ourselves
clean looking and groomed.
164
Although important, physical attractiveness is
not the end to all, because there are also
nonphysical factors that can elevate a person's
attractiveness including his or her ability to care,
make other people laugh and also this person‟s
level of intelligence. In fact, in the long run, the
nonphysical factors can actually outweigh
physical ones. Haven't you ever noticed that
some people can become more physically
attractive or less physically attractive over time
depending on the way they act or carry
themselves?
People Skills - The next factor in using the
connection trigger are your people skills. Your
ability to deal with other people in general is
going to have the greatest impact on your ability
to succeed at anything in life- especially in your
ability to influence and persuade. The two most
important factors that I have found work best for
165
me when it comes to people skills are humor
and respect. Humor is an extremely powerful
technique in influence, because it creates
attractiveness, lowers resistance and makes
people more open to what you have to say. It
can also gain the attention of people that are not
listening to what you have to say. Humor is
extremely powerful and must be used in the
right way. If used incorrectly, it can destroy
your chances of gaining compliance. When
using humor, you must know the right time,
place and overall energy surrounding your self
and the other person.
I've also always found that respect will
ultimately gain you large amounts of
compliance from other people. If people respect
you, chances are they also agree with you or
what you have done on some level or another.
If we do not respect someone, we do not agree
with the decisions, actions and behaviors of that
166
person. But when we do respect them, we trust
their judgment. Respect is so powerful because
it can allow someone to be in compliance with a
request that they might not even agree with
simply because they respect you enough to trust
your judgment.
Respect is not something that can be gained
overnight. It generally takes time and proof of
what you're capable of before people will show
you respect. When people do show you respect,
always be grateful and sincere. If people are
telling you their problems or coming to you for
advice, chances are they respect you greatly.
Never ruin that by criticizing them or making
fun of them.
Using someone's name is another great way to
build people skills. Every time you say
someone's name, you show him or her that you
are paying attention, are genuinely interested,
167
and care about whatever the level of your
relationship is with that person at the moment.
Similarity - The last factor of using the
connection trigger through similarity. We tend
to be more compliant or agree with the opinions
of people that we feel we are similar to, because
we feel we can relate to them more. And if we
can relate to other people, chances are their
thought patterns and values are similar to ours.
Therefore, if we think and act the way they do,
chances are we will not feel internal conflict,
because our morals and values are the same.
For this reason, it is extremely important to
determine the morals and core values of other
people, so you can create the similarity between
the two of you and gain compliance. The
easiest way to do this is to pay attention and
observe what you see about other people. This
includes the way they dress, the books they
168
read, their hobbies, general interests and what
they enjoy doing. Remember, people will
connect with you more if they feel there are a lot
of similarities between you and them.
169
I. Proof – We believe that if it worked before,
it will probably work again.
Next we are going to talk about the proof
trigger. While emotion is what will ultimately
get someone to take action, it is perceived logic
that will open up the possibility of them taking
action in the first place. One of the biggest
ways that we exercise logic- or at least what we
believe to be logic - is by taking a look at what
other people have done and the results they‟ve
experienced.
This method of looking for proof does two
things: First, it shows us that a certain method of
doing things is effective. Secondly, it makes us
feel the method is widely accepted, so it must be
correct.
Every one of us wants to fit in. We want to
belong and we all want to be part of a certain
170
social group. It is human nature to feel this
way. That‟s why oftentimes; we want to see
what the majority of people have done in certain
situations. In most cases, we will assume that if
enough people did something, it must be the
logical or correct way of doing things. We
make these judgments based on social norms
and there are basically two types that exist:
Explicit Norms - These are ultimately written,
documented and/or spoken rules that are either
accepted publicly or within a certain group of
people. Examples include an employee
handbook at a place of employment, the policies
and procedures of an organization, or street
signs.
Implicit Norms – These rules of the game are
usually not as openly stated as explicit ones.
Implicit norms include traditions or accepted
rules of “the right thing to do,” such as saying
171
hello to someone when you meet a person for
the first time or not putting your elbows on the
table when you eat. These are norms that have
been put in place over the years by society that
most people have a basic understanding that
they should follow. In cases where we don't
know what the norm is, we will seek to find it.
This is where social validation gives us is the
short cut that we are looking for. Rather than
investing the time, energy and hard work of
researching a certain topic and figuring out
whether or not we should act on it, we simply
172
just look at what other people do.
People in advertising and marketing know the
power of social validation works extremely
well, which is why they put things like “over 1
million copies sold” on the cover of books. This
sends a message to us that says since over 1
million people have bought this book, it must be
worth buying. Therefore we should probably
buy it, too. There are many different ways to
put social validation to work. When trying to be
persuasive, if what you have to offer has been
Social validity
Explicit norms
Implicit norm s
173
socially validated by the majority of people,
most people will be interested in it. When it
comes to social validation, there are a few rules
that I always like to follow.
Rule # 1 - The bigger the group, the more likely
you will succeed in persuading the group using
validation. The higher the number of people
thinking, acting and behaving in a certain way,
the greater the likelihood that more people will
follow.
Rule # 2 - The second important factor is the
level of identity involved. The more people can
identify with what the majority group is doing,
the more likely they are to get involved in it. If
we hear that a large number of people have
bought a certain book on particular topic, it will
open us up more to the possibility of doing it,
because we see that so many other people have
done it. But it must be a topic that we can
174
identify and relate to; otherwise, we probably
would not have any interest in it at all.
Rule #3 - The third and most important rule of
social validation is that the principle has to be
extremely clear. So the factor that is that's
making it so large among the public is the very
factor that you want to exploit. This could
include the fact that it‟s the best-selling, the
most effective, the cheapest or the longest
lasting.
175
I. Scarcity – The less available something
becomes, the more people want it.
Scarcity is the method used to create urgency so
that someone will take action. Ultimately, we
can make the greatest presentation in the world
as to why someone should comply with our
request and he or she can logically and
emotionally agree with everything that we have
presented. Still, people need a reason to act
now. The scarcity trigger is the most effective
trigger that you can use to get someone to take
action immediately.
It is human nature to always find something
more appealing and interesting when the odds of
getting your hands on it are less likely. We see
this in the dating world all the time. The
challenge of courting someone who is not
always available seems to be something that
people find themselves to be obsessed with. In
176
most cases, when a person shows all of their
cards and becomes readily available, the spell is
broken and there is no longer an element of
mystery surrounding the person. Whenever our
choices become inhibited, limited or lessened,
we become more likely to desire those choices
on a much stronger level.
Scarcity can make any product seem more
valuable and interesting. It makes people take
action immediately because they do not want to
take a loss. Loss in general, is a feeling that
most people try to avoid. This goes as far back
as childhood. The minute we are told we cannot
have something we simply want it more. The
reason for this is because the minute we feel
there is a potential to lose something, we begin
the thought process of how we can stop that
from happening. This is called preventative
action. And the key word is action. Whatever
our reasons may be for doing it, we begin to
177
take action. That is ultimately what you want
the other party to do when trying to influence
them.
In all my years of being in the Internet
marketing business and writing sales copy, the
scarcity trigger is one of the most important
tools that I have used to get the customer to take
action. And in today's world, the more
successful Internet marketers have become
successful because of their ability to apply the
scarcity trigger in new and creative ways.
Things like limited supply, first hundred callers
and countdown clocks on webpages are driving
more and more people to click the order button.
Now more than ever, there are numerous ways
for you to use the scarcity trigger. Here are
some of my favorites:
178
Restrict Freedom - As I said before, we always
want what we can't have and the minute we are
told something will go longer be available, we
seem to want it even more. That‟s the moment
when the desire and urgency to act immediately
goes up. The best way to implement this is to
simply create a situation where whatever you
have to offer is now going to be limited or will
soon not be available any more. In sales, we
call this the take away close. If you remove
your prospect‟s ability to have what you have to
offer, you will increase his or her desire to have
it.
Limitations - The second method that you can
use is limitation in the form of space, numbers,
access or time. The minute people feel like they
are competing to get something, their desire to
have it will increase. Always give people
deadlines. It is human nature for us to structure
our actions around deadlines. Without them,
179
people have no definitive time to know when
they must take action. Therefore, they can
spend endless amounts of time procrastinating.
Loss Potential – Last but certainly not least is
the potential to lose something. People need to
realize that if they do not act upon whatever it is
that you have to offer, they may lose something.
People are generally motivated by either pain or
pleasure and truth be told, pain is actually the
greater motivator of the two. Since loss equals
pain, it is very important to focus on what
someone risks losing if he or she does not act.
Here‟s an example. If I told you that if you
went to the gym every day for a month straight,
I would give you $10,000, your decision to go
would be based on how badly you need that
$10,000 and you probably would do it. But if I
told you that if you did not do the gym for 30
days straight that I would automatically remove
180
$10,000 from your bank account, you would
probably be even more motivated to take action.
The reason for this is because in the first
scenario, if you don't win the $10,000 - while
that might not be fun - you have not lost
anything, so you are right where you started. In
the second scenario, you are now in the negative
and have lost something.
181
VII. Verbiage – Sometimes it’s not what you
say, it’s how you say it.
Sometimes it is not what you're saying to
someone, but the way that you're saying it that
will make an impact and cause a person to take
action. Your message can be perceived in
various ways depending on your verbiage. Take
the following statement for example:
I didn't say he hit his wife.
There are many different ways that we can
actually make this statement depending on the
emphasis on the words. Putting emphasis on
certain words changes the way the person you
are speaking perceives the information. Read
the following statements out loud and each time,
put emphasis on the word that is in bold.
I didn't say he hit his wife.
182
I didn't say he hit his wife.
I didn't say he hit his wife.
I didn't say he hit his wife
I didn't say he hit his wife.
I didn't say he hit his wife.
I didn't say he hit his wife.
While each one of these statements has the same
words, they all convey a different message.
That is how the verbiage trigger works. Words
are extremely powerful and every time we use
them, we can create mental visions, which then
instill feelings within someone. Words like
disease sadness, depression, and hatred bring
feelings of negativity, while words like
183
happiness, joy, fulfillment and success instill
good feelings within us. Your word choice in
the influence process is extremely important-
especially if you're speaking to an auditory
person. An auditory person is a person that is
more open to suggestion and processes
information based on the way things sound.
Generally speaking, there are three types of
representational systems that people use to
process information:
Auditory – When you make decisions based
upon the way something sounds.
Kinesthetic – When you make decisions based
upon the way something feels.
Visual – When you make decisions based upon
the way something looks.
184
Therefore, if you're speaking to an auditory
person, the words that you are using are going to
have very powerful effect, so you must be extra
conscious of words that may turn this person off
as well, as the words that may actually prompt
him or her to take action. As an example,
working in the fitness industry for many years,
you learn to use certain words versus other ones
because they sound better to the customer.
When they join, we ask them to sign a piece of
paper, which says they agree to pay for the
service. But we never call that a contract; we
call it a membership agreement. We don‟t ask
for a signature, we ask for an “okay”. If they
asked me if was getting paid a commission, I
tell them that there is a fee for my service.
When I was trying to convey my point, I never
told them that I'm trying to sell them something;
rather, I said that I wanted to get them involved
in what we have to offer.
185
Remember that the way that you verbally
package something can also completely change
the perception of something. For example, if I
wanted to tell you that my Internet service is
extremely fast and that no other brand is faster, I
could say that no other brand works faster even
if my brand doesn't fall into that category.
Storytelling - Storytelling is one of the most
effective ways to persuade someone. People
love to hear stories. When they do, their minds
become organically engaged because desire to
know the outcome of the story. One of the most
important parts of the story is the mental images
that vivid speaking produces. When you're
speaking vividly, you're basically creating a
picture for the people to who you are speaking,
which will then help them use their
imaginations more efficiently. We do this by
making them feel what we are speaking about in
the story that we‟re telling. I do have a couple
186
of rules that I generally like to follow when it
comes to verbiage.
Rule # 1 Speak Simply And Clearly – Speak
clearly and don‟t use complex words that your
audience may not know the meaning of. It‟s
essential that your audience can understand
every word that rolls off your tongue. If they
don‟t, you risk losing their attention due to the
fact they are too busy trying to understand what
you are saying. When that happens, they are no
longer engaged.
If I was giving you directions to go find $1
million, but I was saying it in a language that
you couldn‟t understand, chances are you would
never find the money because I would never
have prompted you to take any sort of action.
The same is true if you use words that people do
not understand; they will not take action.
Secondly, you don't want to use words that are
187
abstract or unclear. One thing that you never
want to do is confuse the person that you trying
to gain compliance from because that will only
lead to procrastination. Ultimately, that person
will not make a decision. Always use language
that is a verb driven meaning it includes action
verbs. This will engage your prospect‟s
emotions both on a conscious level and a
subconscious level.
Rule #2 Keep Your Sentences Short And To
The Point - You never want to overwhelm
people with what you're saying, because if you
do, you will lose them. As I said before, once
you've lost them, it‟s pretty much pointless to
continue your presentation.
Rule #3 Use Volume Accordingly - Always
make sure that when you're speaking, the
volume is the same as it would be if you were in
188
a Starbucks talking about a potential business
deal. All parties come with the understanding
that while it is a public place, the people there
are having conversations and trying to get work
done, so it's not the right time to raise your
voice.
If on the other hand, if you're an expert
persuader who was the hired to be a
motivational speaker and you're giving a speech
in front of thousands of people, you don't want
to keep your voice down. In this case, you want
to project your voice and speak with lots of
energy and enthusiasm. The point being is that
there are times when you‟ll need to raise your
voice and times for you to lower your voice, but
you should always be conscious of that and
know which choice is appropriate based on the
environment.
189
Rule # 4 If Nothing Else, Master Articulation
- The ability to properly articulate is priceless
and extremely important when it comes to
verbiage, because it enables people to better
understand what you're talking about.
Sometimes, you can make a statement, but
people will not agree with it simply because
they don't know enough about it. If you're able
to articulate your point effectively, you will then
enable them to understand it better and perhaps
change their opinion of it. People who can
articulate their points well are also very much
admired by others because it makes them appear
intelligent and well versed.
Rule #5 Pay Attention To Your Pace - The
pace at which you speak is also very important.
Pay very close attention to how fast or slow you
are delivering your message. You may be
saying some of the most important things, but if
you're speaking too fast, your message may
190
become lost. Or you may lose the listener‟s
attention because he or she is trying to follow up
on what you said last. By the same token, you
don't want to speak extremely slowly, because
you can bore someone and completely lose his
or her attention as well.
Rule #6 Use Comparisons - One of the most
effective parts of verbiage that I have ever used
is comparison. Anytime I'm able to take the
situation and completely reformat it by
comparing it to a similar situation only with
different events or circumstances, I can engage
the listener much more effectively. Sometimes
people don‟t agree with what you‟re saying
simply because the concept may not make sense
to them. If you can compare it to something
similar that does make sense to them, it will
make them more receptive to what you‟re
saying.
191
VIII. Expectations - People generally act in
the way that other people expect them to.
As individuals, we can sometimes make
decisions and behave based upon how others
expect us to. This is known as the impact of
suggestion in general, and it holds true for
behaviors that are both positive and negative.
We tend to fill the expectations that people have
about us. We all want to be admired, liked and
respected. And in our minds, if we can fulfill
people's expectations, we believe they will like
us more. This can work both positively and
negatively. If you constantly expect a person to
act in a bad way, chances are they will
eventually take you up on your assumptions.
There are various ways to communicate your
expectations. Ivan Pavlov was a famous
hypnotist and physiologist as well as a Nobel
192
Prize winner. He was most noted for his ability
to get dogs to salivate every time they heard a
buzzer. Pavlov would ring the buzzer and then
feed the dogs over and over again. Eventually,
every time the dogs would hear the buzzer, they
would expect that they would soon be fed and
therefore, they will begin to salivate. You can
actually do the same thing during the influence
process with your audience in various ways,
which include:
Assumptions – The expectations that we have
are usually based on the assumptions that we
have about people or groups of people. I
remember growing up as a kid; I was not your
typical grade A student. I was always finding
myself in some sort of mischief and had created
a reputation for myself for being a troublesome
kid. As time progressed in school, more and
more teachers, parents and children began to
know my reputation. I continued my behavior
193
because I felt as though they were expecting me
to behave this way. I basically created an
identity as a troublemaker for myself when I
was around this group of people. Reputations
are a powerful thing and most people feel the
need to live up to them whether good or bad.
This is exactly how the expectation triggers
work in sales. We use this trigger all the time
by assuming that the sale was already made. So
if I was presenting a product or service to you,
and I was trying to get you to visualize using it,
I would ask questions like “So when you
purchase this car, will you be driving it to work
or for pleasure?” I have already assumed that
the sale has been made. I am expecting that the
sale will be made and I am subconsciously
layering those expectations into the prospect‟s
mind so that eventually he or she will comply
with my expectations. You can also do this by
194
asking questions that assume the decision for
compliance has already been made.
The expectation trigger is something we often
find in NLP through the use of embedded
commands. When using embedded commands,
you are communicating to the conscious mind,
but sending a message to the subconscious mind
at the same time. Basically what you're doing is
bypassing the conscious mind to have direct
communication with the subconscious mind.
You could do this either in spoken language or
written language. Recent research has shown
that we can actually use embedded commands
to completely reformat our beliefs or values
without even realizing that it has even
happened.
This is what makes embedded commands so
effective. We have no time to use our conscious
mind to logically scrutinize the information.
195
Our subconscious mind has already made the
decision for us. Pacing and leading are also
powerful NLP tactics that involve use of the
expectation trigger. When you're pacing, you
are establishing rapport. You are making the
level of communication easier too. And when
you're leading, you‟re simply drawing the
prospect closer toward your viewpoint. Using
both of these techniques allows you to direct a
person‟s thoughts and actions so that they are
congruent to what you want to ultimately gain,
which is their compliance. In the pacing
process, you can connect with the other party
either verbally or nonverbally to build rapport.
When you do this, others feel like they're
aligned with you, and ultimately, they feel more
comfortable being around you.
In pacing, you simply use statements that are
universally accepted. When you do this, you
remove any chance of disagreement or
196
noncompliance, and generally others will agree
with what you're saying. Pacing involves
speaking a lot about topics that have already
been proven to be valid or are socially accepted.
Once there is a synergistic relationship between
you and the other person, you can create the
expectation of agreement between the two of
you and this person will be more likely to
comply with your requests.
I. Association/References – People make
mental associations with everything they see.
In a world filled with chaos, tons of information
and hard decisions, one of the easiest ways for
us to take a mental short-cut is to create
associations with certain things, including
colors, sounds, endorsements and music.
Associations are different for everyone and
certain symbols or references may evoke
197
different feelings in different people. One of the
most effective ways to utilize the association
trigger is through something called anchoring.
Anchoring is a technique that isolates the
feelings, emotions and memories that took place
at a certain point in someone's life. In theory, if
you can bring people back to a mental state that
they had some other point in their lives; you can
then get them to act in a certain way that is
congruent to the emotions that they feel.
Anchors can be produced both internally and
externally, and it does not take a long period of
time to establish them. In fact, in some cases,
you can create them through one single event.
The key to the effectiveness of the anchor is the
level of emotion that is attached to it by the
target. In other words, the more emotionally
connected a person is to an anchor, the more
effective it is. Have you ever noticed how some
198
people can develop phobias after just one bad
experience with something? All they have
simply done is associated the fear of something
with an event. Every single time something
even remotely related to the event is mentioned,
the emotion of fear begins to resonate within
them.
X. Commitment - People usually follow
through on commitments, especially when
they are public.
I spoke about the power of commitments earlier
but to piggyback on the concept of anchoring,
the key is to always have people link positive
feelings to you and always allow them to own
the decision to commit. Regardless of how
much positive emotion they have linked to you,
the reality is people will regret their decision to
commit if they feel that it wasn‟t their decision.
199
Realize that people are constantly moving back
and forth between the conscious, logical mind
and their emotions, which are causing them to
experience a multitude of feelings as you
present your offer.
The only way to stabilize them is to gain their
commitment immediately and ensure that they
understand that their decision was smart and
favorable to them. Commitment is extremely
powerful. In most cultures, people who do not
follow through on their commitments are
frowned upon. And what's so great about this is
that it is public knowledge, so no one ever wants
to be placed in that category. In fact, when
people even begin to think about not following
through on their commitments, they begin to
feel very uneasy inside. That is why it is
essential to gain commitments from people as
soon as possible, and the more public those
commitments are, the more powerful they are.
200
The first commitment or form of compliance is
the most important, but it is also the most
difficult to obtain.
201
Module Five - The First Tier Of Persuasion
Okay, now that you've learned about all the
fundamental tools and aspects of persuasion, we
are now going to dive into the actual process of
persuasion and discuss we will now discuss the
steps.
Your Mind Set –Essentially, persuasion is
really just manipulating the state of mind of
someone else. To do that, you must first focus
on your state of mind. You have to be confident
and you have to understand that people are not
creatures of logic.
We are creatures of emotion. If you think that
appealing to someone's logic will definitely
elicit the desired response, think again. Step
one is to avoid trying to logically make sense
202
out of everything you're about to learn, because
it's not based on logic.
When determining the way people can be
influenced, everything is composed of studies,
because nothing is logical. All researchers can
really do is work on levels of stimulus and
response. They simply take a group of people
and stimulate them in different ways and then
watch and observe the different responses that
they get. Whether or not these responses
logically make sense is irrelevant. The fact of
the matter is that this is the way that they occur.
So realize that with all the techniques that
you've learned, and are about to learn, that it is
essential to know in your heart that they do
work. If you can do that, you will enter every
single situation with the confidence needed to
effectively persuade others. One of the greatest
203
books I ever read in my life is called “The
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by
Dr. Stephen R. Covey. In his book, Stephen
mentions habit number two, which is “Begin
with the end in mind.” This is one of the most
powerful habits that anyone could ever have,
because it involves visualization. This step is
extremely powerful for a number of reasons.
First, the mind cannot distinguish the difference
between a dream and reality. This is the reason
why oftentimes when we dream; we wake up
and feel like the dream is still happening.
Experience in life makes us better at certain
things, because it equips us with knowledge and
it helps build confidence and experience. The
mind can't really distinguish the difference
between events that actually take place in your
life versus events that are simply being
imagined.
204
One of the best ways to gain the experience of a
real-life situation is by imagining it in your
mind. So if you can effectively visualize
yourself becoming an expert at persuasion, and
more specifically, clearly envision yourself
persuading the person that you're about to begin
speaking to, the odds are that you will become
that much more effective.
Beginning with the end in mind also allows you
to clearly see every step that's about to take
place. Oftentimes when we start from the
beginning with no picture of what the end will
look like, we can often be going through a
sequence of steps that can change direction at
various different times, because we think that
205
making that change in direction will help us.
However, in reality, what this does sometimes is
take us off the path to where we wind up in a
completely different destination than where we
started.
This is why it's extremely important to begin
with the end in mind. If you can begin with the
end in mind, than you already know where your
destination is. Then it's just a matter of figuring
out the steps that you need to take prior to
getting there that lead up to where you are right
now. This leaves no room for straying off your
path and winding up in unknown territory.
Persuasion begins in the mind. The only way to
better the chances of you getting what you want
is to be clear about what you want. In fact, this
is probably one of the biggest difference
between people who experience extreme
success in life and those who don't achieve
206
success in anything. You have to have the
discipline to be persistent and constantly work.
This means is that you have to be willing to
work at it even at times when you really don't
feel that you are up to it.
From the time that they're very young, all
professional athletes probably dream of
becoming professional athletes. It's a dream
that they work very hard on to fulfill. Once they
actually reach that goal and are playing in the
major leagues of whatever sport they choose,
they must consistently practice and train.
There are days where players do not feel up to
doing what they want. This could be due to lack
of motivation, personal reasons or injuries, but
the fact of the matter is those that play and
practice more become better at what they do .
I've already explained to you how beginning
207
with the end in mind can impact you and how
the key is to visualize the ending destination and
work backwards. However, the problem for
many people is that they don't know what the
ending destination looks like, they don't know
what it is that they truly want, and they lack the
focus to zoom in and be clear. So, one of the
most difficult parts about beginning with the
end in mind is staying on track and never
getting distracted.
Obviously, what you want in the end is going to
depend on each persuasion attempt. It could be
a love interest, it could be a job, it could be a
house, car, money or just getting a great deal on
something. Whatever the case may be, figure
out exactly what it is that you are attempting to
gain from this person. Next figure out how you
can provide them with something of equal worth
208
to them. At that point, you can begin the
persuasion process.
Belief Systems –So now that you've done
everything you need to focus on your own
mindset, the time comes to focus on their
mindset. Their mindset and their decisions are
dictated by their belief systems, which can be
altered by their emotions. But in order for you
to determine how to stimulate that emotion, you
must first know about the belief systems of
people.
Now most people's belief systems are developed
at a very early age as a result of experiences that
they've had in life or through messages that they
received from people of importance, such as
parents, or those who raised them from a very
early age. Now, this is common knowledge, as
most people know that beliefs are formed based
209
on prior experience. However, what most
people don't know is that human beings
generally have very distorted recollection of
their previous experiences. In other words,
people often remember things much differently
than the way they actually happened. This
means that even though they are formulating
beliefs based on what they believe to be true,
oftentimes whatever they are remembering
didn't actually happen that way.
When consumers go into a store to purchase
something, they would like to believe that they
spend as much time as possible analyzing and
scrutinizing the product at hand to make the best
decision. However, in reality, that decision to
buy or not buy takes place in just 5 seconds. In
other words, there is a process, and there is no
time for decision. In fact, the conscious or
logical aspect of the mind is not even at work.
210
The truth is that they unconsciously made their
decision to purchase the product before they
even left the house.
Now there is one factor that drives this
unconscious process, and it's known as trust. A
large amount of trust is enough to make people
do anything. People have extreme medical
conditions and require surgery, but only allow a
professional surgeon to operate on them. Why?
It‟s because of trust. In fact, when most people
go to the doctor and receive a diagnosis they
accept the diagnosis, because it came from a
“Dr. someone” whose opinion they trust. So the
first key in the persuasion process is to build
trust. Once you've done that, it will then spin
off into loyalty.
Now loyalty essentially is something that has
been thoroughly embedded in people, and it
211
involves a lot of behaviors that become habitual
once someone has formed the habit. Behaviors
can be typically difficult to break. So this can
work in your favor or against you. If you are
trying to convince someone to do something
that is the opposite of something else that they
are already emotionally invested in, trust or are
loyal to, your job is going to be harder. But
once you'll gain their trust and start building
their loyalty toward you, it will be harder for
anyone else to persuade them to move in an
opposing direction.
Now, I consider myself a pretty trustworthy
person, but just because I know that I'm
trustworthy, that does not mean that other
people will think the same. In fact, I don't
expect them to. It would be nice if people
trusted me on face value, but the fact of the
212
matter is if they don't know me, I have to bring
something to the table, and that something is
usually an answer, a remedy or a solution to a
problem that they have. All I simply need to do
is show them how I can help them and get them
to take a chance on working with me.
Setting the stage –Believe it or not, a person's
environment has a huge impact on the way he or
she thinks and behaves. Now, you may think
that you think and behave the same way no
matter what environment you're in. But if you
think about it, you react much differently when
you're at work, and when you're at a sporting
event. Your behavior in a place of worship is
different from your behavior in a party with
friends and colleagues. The reason for these
variations in your behavior lies in social norms
or cultural levels. And what's funny is that
businesses that make money from people
213
visiting them actually spend a good amount of
their time figuring out how people will behave
in certain environments.
So, for example, sporting events are typically
filled with high energy camaraderie and an
overall high level of excitement and team
support and battle. In these types of
environments it's okay to curse, use foul
language, scream and yell. The people who run
the sporting events know very well that this will
cause people to use a lot of their energy, which
is why they always have food and drinks
available at a very high cost. Most people
would never pay what they pay for a hot dog
anywhere else but at a sporting event.
The same is true of a hotel. When you are in a
hotel, you would think that there are no cultural
rules. There is no rule that says you have to be
214
quiet like you're in a library and there's no rule
that says you have to be rowdy and energetic
like a football or baseball game. You simply go
there, you're left your own devices and you can
do whatever you want. But rest assured, the
hotel has a pretty good idea of what you're
going to do.
When you get there, chances are, you will get
something to eat or perhaps a drink at the
minibar, which cost a heck of a lot more than it
does anywhere else. You may even order a
movie, which is much more expensive than it is
anywhere else. Even if you bring your own
stuff, the likelihood of you using the services
provided by the hotel are still extremely high.
They already know this fact, which is why they
have put these things there for you to use.
My point is that environments dictate behaviors.
So, if you want to make a change in someone's
215
behavior try changing his or her environment.
The environment is something that you control.
You can now begin to predict the way that
people will act. What's great about this is that
you can also change the environment to drive
different types of behaviors. Simply changing
around some of the furniture in a room can have
an impact on the way that people communicate
with one another, because it can change their
state of comfort or anxiety.
Now most people think is that to change
someone's behavior, you must first change his
or her attitude. But the reality is that if you
change someone's behavior consistently it will
lead to a new attitude. So it's actually the
reverse that is true. Anytime a person is put into
an environment that they are unfamiliar with
there has to be a change in the way that the
brain is working. The state of mind becomes
216
more open to suggestion. This will then cause
the people to think about whether or not they
should stay in that environment or remove
themselves from it.
The key point that I am making here is that if
you remove people from their normal
environments, you then have a better chance of
gaining compliance from them, because you
have taken their mind into a state that is more
suggestible.
The key, however, is to take people into
environments where they will still feel
comfortable. You do not want them to spend
most of their time wanting to then leave the
environment.
217
So setting the stage involves thinking very
carefully about where you can begin the
persuasion process in a place that is not the
norm for the other person so that you can
stimulate their thinking to be open to
suggestion. But you do not want to choose a
place that is so far away from what they usually
do or where they are usually involved that they
begin trying to figure out how they can get out
instead of listening to what you have to say.
After you set the stage, you are now ready to
begin the persuasion process, which is nothing
more than an exchange of information. You
also have to pay attention to the type of
information that you're about to divulge. One of
the most important aspects is that it's not
overwhelming or too in-depth. We've all heard
the expression “TMI” or too much information.
As we learned earlier in observations of people,
218
too many choices confuse people. Too much
information will then overwhelm someone.
Giving too much information also elevates the
risk that you might say something that could
deter them or change their pattern of thinking to
not be compliant with what you're asking for.
I've seen this occur thousands of times where
salespeople actually talk themselves and the
target out of the sale by simply going on and on
and on.
So now the question is how much information
do you actually divulge when speaking to
someone? Well the answer to this question is
that you simply need to figure out whether this
person processes information centrally or
peripherally. If they are analyzing, scrutinizing
and are really playing close attention to the
information that you're giving them, then they
are processing it centrally. If they are turning to
219
other cues, such as images or positive values to
make their decision, then they are processing it
peripherally, which means that their decision to
comply actually has nothing to do with your
information or your message at all. If they are
coming from a central standpoint, and really
enjoy evaluating information, you must be
prepared to give them as much information as
possible. And if they come from a peripheral
standpoint where they're really not evaluating
information at all, then avoid going into great
detail at all costs, as this will ultimately lead
them to say no. Once you have figured out how
much information you need to give them, you
must figure out how to structure that
information for your message.
Your information is going to be based on how
much information this person has on the topic
before you even start speaking. In the end,
220
chances are they will either have extensive
knowledge about what you have to offer or were
not knowledgeable. They will either be an
expert or not an expert. You will have to
present information to these two types of people
very differently.
People who have extensive knowledge in a
certain area do not need to learn about the
benefits of what you have to offer, because what
they are going to do is simply link whatever you
are telling them to whatever they have already
stored in their memory about a topic. So for
them, you focus on features, which you better
make sure you know a lot about. If you appear
to lack knowledge about what you're offering,
you will lose them completely. When dealing
with a person that has no idea or any prior
knowledge, the key is to give that person less
information so he can process quickly and in
your favor. With this type of a person, you
would spend most of your time on benefits, as
221
peripheral cues play a big role in influencing
this type of individual.
There are certain things that you can do with
your message to make it more powerful. The
first is repeating it over and over again, through
repetition. The key is to make it sound different
each time, so that it doesn't sound as though you
only have one thing to offer and you just keep
returning back to it. The core of the message
should always be the same thought. You should
focus on the delivering the message in different
ways so that it becomes embedded in the
person's mind, but doesn't sound like you're
rambling on.
When structuring your message, you also want
to focus on why the information that you have,
whether it's about yourself, your product, or
service, is different from that of your
222
competition. What this will do is enable that
person to remember you in some way. If people
don't remember you, there is no way they could
ever comply with you. Also, make your
message easy for them to remember so that they
can repeat it back to someone else if they want.
People will logically try to justify any decision
that they've made after they've done it. If your
message can be easily repeated to themselves or
someone else they will feel much more
confident about their decision to comply with
you.
If they make a decision to comply with you, and
then later on find themselves scratching their
heads because they did not even really
understanding what your message, they are
likely to experience buyer‟s remorse, which is
something that you don't want. The next factor
that's going to determine how well you play the
223
game is how much your target knows about the
benefits of what you have to offer before you
even speak to them. If they have extensive
knowledge about the benefits and there is no
need for you to stress them in that case, just
simply speak to how they attained that
knowledge and focus on the features of what
you have to offer. Taking this action will
reinforce all of the benefits that they have
already learned about. When you're speaking to
someone that has no clue about what you have
to offer, then, of course, you must educate this
person and explain the benefits of everything
you bring to the table. The next factor that's
going to determine your success to influence
someone to do something is whether or not you
appear to be an authority figure. They must
trust that your knowledge, education, experience
or expertise in something makes you the go to
person.
224
The next factor that will determine your success
is your ability to help them create a vision of
using your product or service will for them.
This works extremely well when dealing with
people that have limited knowledge or are not
experts, because if people can see themselves
using your product or service, they are more
likely to want it and to remember it more. But if
you're dealing with an expert, who knows
everything there is to know about what you have
to offer, don't spend time trying to paint a
picture. In this case, the person has probably
already done this in his or her mind when he or
she initially began learning about it.
225
Module Six– The Second Tier of Persuasion
The First Impression –Believe it or not, a first
impression is made within the first 4 to 10
seconds that you come into contact with
someone. Within seconds, people will
subconsciously begin comparing you with other
people that they have met in their lives and
begin to make assumptions. Even though you
can't change the physical features of your
appearance, it could possibly link you
subconsciously to someone in their past.
There are two things about yourself that will
direct them to perceive you in a good way and
want to comply with you. They are your
physical appearance and your body language.
Many times when we meet someone for the first
time, we get this feeling that there's just
226
something about them that we don't necessarily
like. The reason this happens is because we‟re
getting mixed signals from them. What's
happening is there's a disconnect between the
body language and the spoken language of the
person. They are communicating differently
verbally than they are nonverbally. This can
cause a person to build very big barriers to resist
you and ultimately say no to you. The reason
why these barriers will be so strong is because
these people now have a feeling within them
that they think is their intuition. Most people
have been conditioned to trust their intuition.
So the key is that if you make the first wrong
impression by not ensuring that your physical
appearance, body language and spoken language
are in alignment with one another, you will be
perceived as someone shady. And this
perception will come in the form of someone's
227
intuition, which they believe they should always
trust. Now your persuasion attempts will be that
much more difficult.
When two people meet for the very first time
and something really interesting happens. I call
this instant personality typing. Within the
brains of each of these people millions of
neurons fire. The brain suddenly becomes alert
and tries to place the other person into a certain
category type by referencing him or her against
people they have met in the past. This occurs
completely subconsciously.
The reason why this happens on an unconscious
level is because if you actually had to do it
consciously, it would drain you of way too
much energy. So instead, the subconscious
mind takes over and makes all different types of
judgments about people and essentially decides
228
whether you like them or not in less than 10
seconds.
Now while there are many categories that we try
to place people into, one has to do with social
status. In other words, we instantly try to figure
out whether this person has a higher or lower
status within the group. The same is true of
their attractiveness. We will instantly
categorize them as either attractive unattractive
or mediocre. Whether or not the person actually
pays attention to his or her physical appearance
is something the brain also tries to pick up one
observing someone. Now I'm not saying that all
of this stuff is fair, reasonable or right, but
whether it is or not is irrelevant. The fact is that
it's true.
After this initial observation is made, a person is
either placed in a positive category or negative
category. Most of the time it's in the negative
229
category. A very small amount of people form a
positive category, and then there are some
people that fall into limbo, where you begin to
wonder and can't figure out what it is that's
making you confused about this person. For
example, perhaps they are extremely attractive,
but are dressed in clothing that looks
unconventional or weird, or vice versa, they are
not very attractive at all, but their taste in
clothing in the way that they carry themselves is
very attractive.
The bottom line is that regardless of what you
are trying to influence someone to do, the fact is
that he or she is going to place you in a category
unconsciously within the first 4 to 10 seconds
that he or she meets you. To overcome these
initial judgments, you must be well prepared
and realize that the level of your attractiveness
and how other people perceive you is going to
230
have a great impact on your ability to influence.
I know it's not fair, but it is, in fact, true. And
people who have less than perfect physical
features can learn to work with what they have.
But the key is not to focus on whether or not
this fact is right or wrong or whether it makes
sense, but to realize that it is true and understand
what a great influence your appearance has on
your ability to influence others. The key is to
take pride in invest in your appearance, exercise
and stay in shape. Remember, those who look
like they are in control often easily influence
people. If you are overweight, you may give the
perception that you have lost control over a
certain part of your life.
Between 50 and 80% of the communication that
you have with others is going to be nonverbal.
The way you dress, including your jewelry, your
231
makeup, your clothing, your suit or tie, your
shoes, your earrings, your watch, and your rings
could easily help a person formulate an opinion
about you before you say one single word. Now
aside from your physical appearance, where you
actually position yourself is of great importance
too. Have you ever heard of a “close talker?”
This is someone who engages your space by
getting too close when he or she speaks. Do
you ever even really pay attention to what
they're saying? Chances are most of the time
you wonder if they're ever going to step back
and remove themselves from your personal
space.
This level of space varies from person to person,
but as a general rule you want to try to stay
between 1 1/2 to 2 feet away from someone, as
anything closer begins to intrude on his or her
personal space. There will be a time when you
232
can enter that personal space and it will actually
make the relationship stronger when you do, but
you have to know when it's the right time. So
be very careful when doing so.
Some of the most important things that you can
do in preparation to make a good impression are
to figure out what values or beliefs your target
has and figure out how you can relate whatever
it is that you have to offer. Make sure your
physical appearance is the best as it can be. Be
well groomed, showered, and have a clean
appearance. For goodness sake, try to get the
opinion of someone else in terms of how you
look before you speak to this person. Make sure
that whatever you choose to wear is fitting for
the occasion.
I'll never forget in one of the jobs I had as a
general manager of the fitness company. I was
233
interviewing a gentleman, and I asked him what
he thought the two greatest attributes a person
could have were. Now my answer to that
question is the ability to exercise common
sense, which isn't so common, and the ability to
connect with others through influence, which is
what I'm teaching you here. He completely
agreed on the influence part and went on to say
that one's ability to connect with others can get
you further in life than anything else. But then
he said something that was extremely startling
to me. He said that he believed that he was such
an effective influencer that he didn't even have
to wear a suit for a job interview, and he could
easily persuade someone to give him a job.
Now while initially I was impressed by what he
said, I realized that in actuality he didn't have a
single clue as to how the world of influence
works, because one of the very first rules is to
234
dress for the occasion. Chances are if you didn't
wear a suit if appropriate for an interview, you
probably wouldn't even get the interview or get
the chance to influence the target.
So the key is to definitely dress for the occasion
and make sure that you adhere to social norms
whenever possible. Always keep your level of
emotion the same as that of the target. If they
are jovial, or unhappy, appear to be the same
way. If they are concerned or upset about
something, share that same level of concern
about the topic as well. Always show sincere
interest in the target‟s values in life. If you
can‟t get a person to open up, keep digging
deeper and deeper. This will allow them to do
what most people love to do, which is talk about
themselves. It will allow you to learn more
about them, and it will set you up for the next
235
important factor in the influence process, which
is building rapport.
Rapport –Rapport is everything that happens
after the first 4 to 10 seconds of your interaction
if all goes as planned. Rapport is that
connection that you make with someone that
will make him or her feel attracted in some way
to you and help you create likeability. Some of
the most effective ways of building rapport are
to first ask questions to figure out what exactly
is driving this person‟s target values. Also ask
questions to identify and determine their needs
as well as the rules that define them. Always
make sure you‟re in alignment with them by
using certain techniques such as pacing,
modeling and matching. Most of all show
genuine interest in whatever it is that they are
sharing with you.
236
At the end of the day, as I said before, most
people want to gain pleasure and avoid pain.
Comfort is directly related to pleasure and
represents the complete opposite of pain. In
other words, most people desire comfort, and
your main objective should be to make them
feel as comfortable as possible, even if it
involves saying things that may seem weird or
wrong. But as long as it makes these people
feel important, you should do it. If you need to
leave your comfort zone for the sake of building
rapport, you must do so. Remember, persuasion
237
and influence involves a large amount of you
becoming more like the target instead of the
other way around. There are many things that
make up credibility, including trustworthiness,
likeability, expertise and experience, knowledge
and competence. Competence is the first major
component.
Credibility – Credibility is defined by the
English dictionary as: “capable of being
believed, believable, worthy of belief or
confidence, trustworthy.”
As I have mentioned in the introduction,
credibility is probably the biggest driving factor
in your ability to influence. If people perceive
you as credible, they will be open to your
beliefs, values, opinions and what you have to
say.
238
So what exactly is credibility made up of?
Well, essentially, credibility is when six key
factors come together and create your perceived
ability to do whatever it is that you claim you're
capable of.
239
The six components are competence, likeability
expertise, composure, social ability, and
trustworthiness.
CREDIBILITY
Competence
Likeability
Expertise
Social ability
Composure
Trustworthiness
240
Competence is the first factor. If people don't
believe that you're competent, ultimately; they
will never believe that you can do what you say
you can do or what you all are known for being
able to do. Competence also has no relationship
to having good values, morals or beliefs and is
based on your expertise with your ability to
execute a certain set of tasks.
Your true competence level and your perceived
competence level are actually two different
True competence
leve l
Perceived competence
level
241
things. To become a master of influence you
have to not only be competent, but you have to
be able to have people perceive you as
competent as well. After all, you could be the
greatest lawyer in the world, but if you can't
convey to people this fact, they will likely never
give you their business. The first key is to
covertly make your target aware of your
competence in a certain area. You must solidify
your position as the expert in your field.
Here are ways to build unshakable
credibility:
Be likable - Your target will base his or her
entire opinion of your expertise on this factor. It
will make you appear trustworthy.
Trustworthiness is a contributing factor to
credibility.
242
Give yourself objections - During your
presentation, your target is going to secretly be
thinking of objections that go against the point
of view that you're trying to make. If you
openly bring them up and address them, you
will ultimately bring his or her guard down.
You're able to connect with his or her line of
thinking and, at the same time, show that you've
done your homework on the subject.
Make your position, experience, education or
specialized knowledge clear - People respect
those who project higher positions. The
position that you solidify for yourself can either
be through your education, experience or your
ability to get results. For example, medical
doctors are more respected than orderlies, and
those with Master‟s degrees are more respected
than people with GED's. However, if your
243
educational level isn't something that is very
high, it‟s important to focus on your results
level. As an example, in major league sports,
one‟s educational level means nothing. In that
arena it is ability and results that mean
everything. People don't care about the fact that
Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees
graduated from high school. They care about
how many home runs he can hit every year.
Become a master of articulation - When
you're able to articulate your point and be a
fluent communicator without stuttering or using
words like “uh”, your perception of knowing
what you're talking about becomes that much
higher. I've even seen instances where people
are making statements that are completely false,
but because they can answer a question
immediately and articulate a point, the target
believes that they are correct. In the same
244
respect, I've seen people who are extremely
knowledgeable on a certain subject completely
lose their audience because they either can't
articulate their point or they can't answer
questions fast enough.
Use evidence - Any time you want to make a
point that supports what you have to say show
people where you're getting your data. This not
only proves that you've taken the time to do
your homework, it also intertwines the power of
social validity with what you're saying.
Be humorous - Be careful on this one because
not everyone‟s sense of humor is the same. If
you can get your target to laugh, you will first
become more likable; you will change the
person‟s emotional state from wherever it was
into that of happiness (which your target them
less defensive and more open). It also
demonstrates that while you've done your
245
homework on a certain topic or you have an
immense amount of expertise. You still are a
person, which makes you relatable.
Reading people – Now that you understand
how to build rapport and gain credibility, it is
also important to learn the art of reading people
or discovering what they are thinking. Influence
is all about getting people to do what you want
them to do by creating win-win situations, and
the best way to do that is to give them exactly
what they want. You can only do that if you
know exactly what they are thinking. The fact
of the matter is that many people find
communication that involves influence or
persuasion to be very uncomfortable or they fear
it for some reason. They withhold sharing their
true thoughts and deep feelings because it
makes them feel vulnerable and they feel like
they may wind up getting hurt.
246
The problem is that when people do this it
creates huge barriers that block you as an
influencer from determining their thoughts and
makes communication extremely challenging.
There's no need to worry because speaking is
not the only way in which people can express
their feelings. There are various other methods
that you can use to tap into someone's thoughts
accurately. The first step in this process,
however, is to gain as much knowledge as
possible as you can about your target, which
takes place in your pre-planning phase.
Without a basic knowledge of your target, you
are basically playing a guessing game. So the
key is to gain as much knowledge as possible
about your target before the initial meeting.
247
The next thing you can do to read somebody is
pay very close attention to his or her body
language. If you go back to module three, we
spoke about building rapport. Using body
language, you can easily see the signals that
targets are giving off. If they are giving you
signals that make them appear interested or
engaged in what you have to say, then stay on
the same path. If the signals are showing that
they are losing interest or not being engaged,
it‟s time to switch things up.
The easiest way to switch things up is to either
ask a question or to use shock value. Every
time you ask a personal question, you change
their frame of thought from whatever it is that
they were thinking about to having to figure out
an answer to that question. This gets them
engaged once again.
248
If you tell them something shocking, it shifts
their frame of thought from whatever they were
thinking about to wondering if what you said
was really true. In either case, you've changed
their mindset from being bored or not engaged
back to them listening to what you have to say.
It is only when they are in that state of mind that
you can influence and persuade them.
249
Module Seven –The Third Tier of Persuasion
So as the name of the module suggests, this is
the third tier of the persuasion process. I'm
going to talk about some things some tactics and
techniques. You may have heard of a body of
knowledge called neuro linguistic programming.
Now while I certainly respect neuro linguistic
programming, and I think it is extremely
effective, I also believe that it involves a lot of
masterful observation and a high level of
attention. I have always found that keeping
things simple but effective always works better
for me.
I've always been much better at isolating a few
things and being extremely good at them than
being okay at a number of different things. I
think that when it comes to influence, if you can
250
just do a few things extremely well, rather than
trying to remember a number of different things
that you may do just subpar, you're going to be a
better influencer. As a result, I prefer to focus
on just a few simple but powerful tactics that
you can do within the influence process. The
first tactic is asking questions.
The Power Of Questions
Questions truly are some of the most powerful
things on the planet. They can be used both
internally for people to discover things about
themselves in terms of why they do or do not do
certain things, why their life is where it is and
what essentially is driving them or preventing
them from getting to where they want to be.
251
Questions are also a critical component in the
persuasion process. Then there are a multitude
of reasons why this is the case. First, questions
enable you to gain someone's attention. Have
you ever noticed that when someone may be
talking to you and is going on and on and on,
you find yourself in a position where you're
extremely bored and you can suddenly stop and
begin paying attention the minute someone asks
you a question? The reason for this tendency is
simple: questions put your target on the
defensive because they have to think of how
they are going to answer your question and that
serves to two great purposes. The first, which is
the one that I just mentioned, is that they pay
attention. Secondly, every time your target has
to stop and think of how to answer your
question it gives you the opportunity to stop and
think about what you're going to do next.
252
In some cases, that time that you are allotted
will enable you to make a decision that can be
critical to you gaining the result that you want.
Questions also give your target the ability to
speak, which is as I mentioned before, is one of
the key aspects of the way people are wired.
People simply love to hear themselves talk, and
most of the time, they are waiting for you to
finish speaking so that they can begin.
Every time you ask a question, you open the
door for them to speak about themselves. This
will create a mood that allows them to feel good
about themselves and will also give you the
ability to create rapport. Questions are also of
great way to keep a person engaged. I have
found that in many situations where there's an
awkward silence, one of the best ways to
overcome that is to begin asking the other
person questions. Those questions could be
253
about anything, but I continue to ask questions
every time I feel as though an awkward silent
moment may occur. This instantly breaks up
the monotony.
Questions also help alleviate distractions. One
of the critical rules in the influence process is
keeping your target engaged, and distractions
will work very much against that process taking
place. So it's your responsibility to divert your
target‟s attention from whatever distracting him
or her back to you so that he or she is engaged.
And you can easily do that with a question that
is phrased tactfully enough.
One of the first things that you learn in sales is
to ask questions in the beginning of your
presentation, because they enable you to get all
of the objections out in the open so that you can
overcome them initially, or prepare yourself to
254
have to overcome them at a later time during the
presentation. A really good question can also
help lead your target to the destination of your
choice.
One of the problems that the fitness industry had
was not so much selling gym memberships, but
selling personal training consistently. It was
very important for that the prospect to purchase
the personal training right at the very same
moment that he or she purchased a membership,
and in many cases, that didn't happen. A good
reason why it didn't happen was simply because
most sales consultants in the fitness industry
were not trained correctly or they simply asked
the wrong questions. When they were speaking
to a prospect, they would ask questions like,
“Are you interested in working with a personal
trainer?” 90% of the time the answer that you're
going to get at that point is “No.”
255
You have now set yourself up for an objection
that didn't necessarily even have to be there. By
simply rephrasing the question to something
like, “Hey you told me earlier that you want to
lose 10 pounds in two months. Well, if I could
show you a way where you could lose over 15
pounds in one month is that something that you
would be interested in?” This is a question that
is going to lead the target to the destination that
you want them, which is being in a state of mind
where they are open to receiving whatever
solution you're offering. Asking questions also
will keep you in the driver‟s seat. Every time
you ask a question and gain a response, you are
in control.
So now we know how important asking
questions are. We now have to learn how to ask
questions. The first thing to remember is that
256
not every question that you ask your target is
going to make a difference in the outcome of
your presentation. So the best thing for you to
do is think first about your overall goal and how
you can get there by asking a certain series of
questions. Once you realize what those
questions are going to be, you must then make
sure that you follow these rules when asking
them
Rule number one - Before asking any
questions, make sure your target knows the
answer. No one likes to be in a situation where
they're asked a question that they cannot
answer. It makes them feel confused,
unintelligent, unprepared, nervous and can also
create barriers that may not have been there
prior to you asking the question. If, on the other
hand, you ask questions that people can easily
answer, you now create a completely different
257
state of mind that represents the opposite of all
the words that I just mentioned. They will now
feel valued, smart, comfortable and relaxed.
Rule number two - Ask for success. Back to
what I said earlier- always make sure that the
question that you ask is worded in such a way
that it will lead you closer to success. In other
words, don't phrase your question in such a way
258
that it's going to have the target respond with a
“no.”
Rule number three - Ask alternate choice
questions when you want instant agreement
or commitment. This tactic is essential when
using questions to direct thoughts. For example,
if you make an appointment with people, ask
them if they would prefer to come in today or
tomorrow. Next ask if they prefer morning,
afternoon or evening and then ask them if they
prefer 6:30 or 7 PM. Every time you freeze a
question where there is an alternate choice, you
direct the thought process to how to answer that
question, as opposed to how to object or move
away from whatever it is that you're asking
them for.
259
Rule number four - Use your target’s name
when you are asking them a question. This
will make them feel very valued and will also
help create an emotional connection.
Rule number five - Always try to ask leading
questions. Leading questions insert the answers
into the target‟s mind that ultimately gets him or
her to agree with you. For example, say
something like “This house is so big and
spacious. It will really enable your family to
have a lot of room and not feel closed in. Isn't
that great?” Or “After you finish this program,
you'll be able to persuade anyone to do
anything, which will ultimately enhance your
quality of life all around. Isn't that wonderful?”
This type of a question is designed to be
answered with agreement at all times. Simply
260
put, it's very hard to not say yes to these types of
questions.
Framing - Framing is essentially the method by
which you phrase a statement or question and
this can have a drastic effect on the response
that you get from your target.
Research has proven time and time again that
when people are asked about topics (even topics
that are very close to their heart) they will
generally respond with differing opinions
depending on how the question is phrased. In
other words, framing the question in a certain
way can yield a completely different answer
from someone even if they claim that their
opinion is something that cannot be changed.
The reason for this is quite simple. First off,
people's opinions, desires and thoughts in many
cases are actually created in just a moment's
261
time and really have no relation to what they
will actually do or what they really believe deep
down inside.
In fact, people sometimes don't even really
make a decision based on what's in their best
interest. Instead, they decide based on which set
of facts was presented better.
Rules of Framing : While the general rule for
framing basically means that you ensure that the
method by which you structure your
presentation or question is as enticing as
possible, there are three general rules that I
could follow when I‟m framing.
Rule number one: Physically get whatever it is
that you're offering into the hands and the minds
of your targets immediately, because the minute
262
they own it, it is perceived as more valuable. If
you can't physically get what you‟re offering
into their hands right away, then use their
imagination and create an image in the target‟s
mind that whatever you have to offer is
something that is already within their
possession.
People tend to want something more once they
actually have ownership over it. The reason for
this is because people like to think of
themselves as smart and intelligent and like to
believe that they make the right decisions.
Therefore, if we have made the decision to own
something, we want to keep reinforcing the fact
that that decision was the correct decision. And
263
so that naturally leads us to want more of
whatever it is that we've already chosen to have.
Therefore, if you can create the image within
people‟s minds that they already are in
possession of what you have to offer, they will
want more.
Rule number two: Bring forth the image of
pain for noncompliance. As I said earlier,
people respond more to the fear of loss or pain
then they do to the desire to gain pleasure.
Therefore, if you can create an image in the
target‟s mind of what he or she has to lose if
that person does not take advantage of whatever
it is that you are offering, you will get that
person to take action much more quickly.
264
I once visited a dental office, which had an
extremely powerful method of getting people to
purchase services from them. What they do is
take a picture of your teeth. Using computer
software they could deliver a new picture of
what your teeth would look like if they were
perfect within one hour. Then they would show
you each picture side by side. On the left would
be the picture of what your teeth look like now,
and maybe they would be discolored, crooked,
spaced, uneven or just simply imperfect. On the
right would be what your teeth with look like at
their best- perfectly white, perfectly straight,
and a beautiful smile. This technique instantly
makes you realize what you could look like if
you took action. But more importantly, it shows
you what you are losing or what you are not
getting by not taking action. It instantly makes
you think, “Do I really want to continue to walk
around with my teeth looking the way they do,
when they could look perfect?” And that's
265
when you begin to decide how you're going to
get the money to purchase the service for your
teeth.
Rule number three: Anytime your presentation
involves your target spending money, be sure to
focus on the savings of that expenditure. This is
really simple. People do not like to see money
coming out of their pockets. They view it as a
loss, but if you can show someone why the
money coming out of their pockets is justified,
they will gladly spend it.
You can do this in one of two ways. The first is
by reverting back to a loss in life-and-death
emergencies. People will find the money for a
doctor or for a good lawyer. If you can frame
your proposition in such a way that the person
believes that it's extremely urgent and essential
for them to act and spend the money, he or she
266
will. The second method by which you can
easily get people to spend money is by showing
them how the amount of money that they spend
now will either save them a lot more money in
the future or prevent them from spending more
money later.
Rule number four: Always frame your
presentation or question in a way that makes
your target understand that virtually every
element of risk is removed. People do not like
risk. In fact, most people will decide on
something that is guaranteed even when it
doesn't really make much sense to do so. For
example, most people will take a guaranteed
$50 rather than a 50-50 chance of winning $100.
Never present your thoughts in a way that
makes the person believe that whatever it is that
they do is only going to give them a possibility
of a result. Do whatever it takes to make that
267
person understand that the result is virtually
guaranteed.
268
Pacing - Have you ever noticed that when you
are in a particular mood and you're having a
conversation with someone else whose mood is
different, that things just don't seem to gel? Yet,
when two people are acting or thinking similar
thoughts, things tend to go much more smoothly
and they can understand each other. The reason
this happens is because people tend to like and
are open to the opinions of those that they are
similar to. Pacing is nothing more than making
yourself similar to your target.
There are many different ways that you can use
pacing, including the use of your voice. Using
the same voice tone as your target is a great way
to get both of you on the same page so that your
target will be receptive to whatever it is that
you're trying to say. The key to this is to pay
269
attention to the vocal tone that your target is
using and communicate in the same tone.
If your target speaks loudly and aggressively or
is overenthusiastic, that's exactly how you
should communicate. If they are soft and subtle,
you should do the same thing. This is going to
prevent mental distractions from taking place.
What I mean by that is that if you're having a
conversation and you're speaking or acting in a
way that is completely foreign to the other
person, he or she could be spending time trying
to figure out why you're acting in that certain
way, rather than actually listening to what you
have to say. If you can gel with them or connect
with them by speaking or behaving the same
way as they do, then what's going to happen is
they're just going to be openly receptive to
270
everything that you're saying. And therefore,
they will be easier to control.
You can also use pacing with your breathing,
with your physiology, your posture, or the way
you carry yourself. Some people think, how can
you breathe the same as someone else?
Breathing is probably one of the most
unconscious things that we do, and when two
people are in sync with their breathing, chances
are they are both highly engaged in something.
They could be people who are making love to
one another. During this time that they spend
together, one person is breathing exactly the
way the other person is breathing.
271
Leading - After pacing comes leading. Leading
is nothing more than the ability to have someone
follow you. It is important to remember that
prior to leading you must first develop rapport
and a true connection to the other person. Then,
you must begin pacing, so that your target will
become subconsciously receptive up to the point
that you actually begin leading him to the
direction that you want. The reason for this is
because once you begin leading, you are then
deviating from whatever it is that both of you
are in sync on and moving onto something
different. You can test this by doing something
simple like picking up a pen or a cup of coffee.
If you're target does the same thing, then you
have successfully led him. If he doesn't, you
need to go back to creating a higher level of
rapport before you begin trying to lead again.
272
Story Telling - Have you ever watched a
movie, and you felt so inspired and moved at the
same time? Did you almost feel like you might
have been someone else for a moment? Movies
were designed to bring out the emotions in the
people that are watching them. A good movie
always does that well. That's what we call
riveting or engaging. And so ultimately,
influence is about emotion. It's about engaging
people's emotions and using them to test their
thoughts and behaviors.
Movies are essentially stories. The story is one
of the most effective ways to stimulate
someone's emotions. Because of that, it's
important that you learn how to tell a good
story. The way that you can use storytelling to
influence others is not as simple as it may
sound. There are a couple of rules that you have
to follow when you're telling a story, because as
easy as it is to engage people to gain their
273
interest, if you go about it the wrong way, you
can still completely lose them in the process.
Know your purpose - So the first rule is that
you have to know why you're telling the story.
You have to know the purpose of the story. It
can‟t just be a senseless rant for your own
entertainment; you have to have a specific
purpose for telling your story.
Know your environment -- The second thing is
you have to be in the right type of environment.
You have to ensure that telling the story is
acceptable under the circumstances of the
conversation.
Set the stage – The third thing that I would like
to do is to let people know that I'm about to tell
274
them a story, so that you don't lose them the
moment you start going into the story.
Otherwise, they may be wondering why you're
doing so. I do make a point to let them know
when it's going to be a quick story, so that they
are not thinking about how long the story is
going to be, but rather than actually listening to
what you're saying.
275
Imagination leads to captivation- Now that
some of the basics are out of the way, the most
important aspect of the story is that it has to
engage the other person, and it has to captivate
again and again. It has to have a purpose.
People generally feel more comfortable thinking
or behaving in a certain way (usually, in a
„normal way‟). If it's considered a social norm
or if it can be shown that many other people
have thought or behaved in a similar manner,
that makes them think they are “normal.”
Our stories are a great way to convey that type
of idea. You can tell your target a story about
someone who took your device or bought
whatever it was that you were selling and had a
great success with it. Essentially what you want
to do with your story, in order for it to be
effective, is to be able to take the target and
276
encourage your target to put himself in the shoes
of the character in your story. As I have said
before, stories are extremely powerful. How
that power can serve you depends on your skill
level when telling a story, because stories
basically have the ability to destroy any sort of
rapport that you‟ve already created or
conversely, they can elevate your levels of
rapport beyond your imagination.
So remember that when you are telling your
story, you're looking for a desired result. But
that result might not necessarily always turn out
to be what you're looking for, because your
story is going to be filtered by the minds of
people that you're speaking to. This is
especially true when you're speaking to multiple
people as you are relating to more than one
person at one time.
277
Create shock value -So the first thing to
remember is that when you're telling a story,
your intention should not be to deliver a subtle
message. It should be to deliver a message that
is going to really stir up emotions in people and
get them to take action. That could be either
positive or negative emotions. It is important
that you're able to open up your message to a
point where the audience understands your
beliefs, values, and the fact that you always
have people's best interests at heart. Regardless,
if you stir up negative emotions in some people,
they will still respect you and listen to what you
have to say.
Keep it short and to the point -- Speaking of
what you have to say, it shouldn't be too
lengthy. Anything over four minutes can begin
to get boring and you can start to lose people.
278
Have someone else pat you on the back -- If
you get to a point in a story where you have to
give yourself kudos, a pat on the back, or you
want point out a certain favorable trait you have,
the key is to never express that as if it's coming
from you. Always bring up a third-party who
shared this opinion about you. This is part of
what makes testimonials so powerful. Anytime
someone can see that a third-party person made
a statement about something, it reinforces the
belief that that's something is worth looking at.
So now the question becomes how do you
captivate others? What is it that grabs people's
attention? While something that cannot be
denied as an attention getter, it is controversy
that always ignites emotions in people. The key
is that if you are going to use aspect of
controversy to gain attention, just ensure that
279
however you frame it you‟re not making it so
powerful that it actually distracts your target
from what you're saying.
Another thing that engages people is something
that they strongly agree with you on. This can
be an opinion that you have that is in strong
alignment with their deep values and beliefs.
Our environment is important as well, because a
combination of the right setting and atmosphere
also opens up a person's receptors to being
engaged when you're about to tell the story.
Work on the same level of intelligence - When
telling a story you never want to appear to be
smarter or less smart than your target. If you
appear to be too smart and begin saying things
that they can't understand, you're going to lose
their attention. Second of all, they're going to
look for reasons to justify why they shouldn‟t be
paying attention to you. A good reason that
280
they can use is the fact that you are trying to
sound too intelligent when you speak. Pay
attention to the verbiage that your target uses,
and do your best to understand where they are
coming from when they're speaking from an
intellectual standpoint so that you can come
from the exact same place. That will enable you
to create rapport, keep them engaged so that
ultimately; they will be more receptive to your
message.
Be as vivid as possible – Remember that the
main goal when telling a story is to invite
listeners to imagine themselves within the story.
One of the best ways to do that is to appeal to
their five senses. Talk about the way something
felt, the way something looks, or how
something sounded in the story. These
descriptions will give them in the most of virtual
experience of being there.
281
Switch time zones - When telling a story, it's
always important to remove listeners from the
present time. The present time represents the
way they feel now, as well as their emotional
state. It is also where they feel uncomfortable.
The key to captivating them is to bring them to
another time or place, which you feel will be
helpful in captivating. Have you ever seen a
movie on the civil war that takes place in
present day? The answer is no. The reason for
that is because the people watching the movie
would never really become captivated or
engaged in it if they were not mentally removed
from the present moment.
One story at a time - Always tell one story at a
time, and then stop and allow them to tell a
story. As interesting or captivating as a story
may be, people usually want to do one of two
things after it's done. If it's really interested
282
them, they may want to share their viewpoints
on it or even ask you a few questions. Or they
may want to tell a story about something similar
that occurred in their life. Rest assured that last
on the list of things that they want to do is listen
to another story from you. The only way you
can be sure is to wait and see if they ask you.
Be conscious of the purpose -Always be
conscious of the reason why you are telling each
part of the story. Think for a second about the
reaction that you want to get from a person or
what type of emotion you think you will stir up
within them every time you reveal another part
of the story. This is perhaps one of the most
important components in storytelling. A really
good storyteller is able to continue telling a
story while still thinking of the impact that
whatever he or she is about to say next is going
to have on the listener. No one does this better
283
my opinion that a really good comedian. A
really good comedian knows how his audience
is going to react every time he tells a funny part
of the story.
Proof leads to credibility - The more
credibility you have with your audience, the
more they trust you, and the more inclined they
will be to be influenced by you. You can gain
credibility through storytelling and through your
audience believing without a shadow of a doubt
that your story is true. One of the easiest ways
to get your audience to believe that what you're
telling is true is to give them proof. Make it
seem as real as possible.
One of the key components to making
something sound as real as possible is by
referencing dates, times and names of people
that were present during the time that the story
284
took place. The fact that you can name the date,
time or a person, instantly strikes support within
the mind of the listener. That tells them the
story is real. If you can bring up an event that
they may be familiar with, such as a holiday or a
public event that most of the world was aware
of when it happened, you will captivate them
even more. They will begin to think about
where they were when that event took place,
and you have now achieved your goal of
removing them from the present through setting
the stage to engage them.
If they can relate, they will trust - People tend
to trust people that they can relate to more than
those that they cannot, and the reason behind
this is because when others feel that they can
relate to you, they subconsciously believe that
your decision to do something would be very
similar to a decision that they may make in a
285
similar situation. That's why it is extremely
important to make your audience feel as though
they have something in common with you. If
there is absolutely no way that you can do that,
then you need to find a way to strike of the
curiosity within them to know more about what
it is that you have to say.
286
Module Eight - The Fourth Tier of
Persuasion
Welcome to Module Seven, which contains
fourth tier of the persuasion process. Thus far
we have spoken about everything that you as the
influencer need to do. Let‟s talk about the
different laws that you need to learn. There are
three determining factors that are going to make
or break your attempts to influence. We‟re
going to explore what happens when your target
moves out of range or begins to practice
resistance.
287
First let‟s talk about ultimately gaining
compliance and investing in the relationship.
Investing in the relationship is ultimately what
is going to make you successful using influence.
With what you've learned through the code of
influence, you could gain compliance from
people almost instantly and satisfy your needs.
But the real benefits from influence lie in your
ability to gain compliance from people over and
over again and then have them introduce you to
other people that you can gain compliance from.
288
Overcoming Resistance - The first step in
overcoming resistance is to understand what
type of resistance your target is showcasing
right now. The first type of resistance is a result
of a knee-jerk reaction against something that in
his or her mind is jeopardizing freedom, opinion
or values. The second type of resistance has to
do with an anticipated regret of a decision.
Reactance resistance - The best way to
overcome these reactions like knee-jerk
resistance is to either prevent this from
happening in the first place or, at the very least,
change the person's mind as soon as possible.
The longer that you let the decision to disagree
linger, the lower the chances of ultimately
overcoming the decision. When people take a
public stand on a certain issue they will continue
to reinforce their opinion to make themselves
289
feel correct. Remember, people often make
decisions impulsively and then stick to that
impulse, as if the decision was made through a
well thought out and logical process.
Essentially, there are only two ways that you
can gain compliance and cooperation from
others. The first involves making whatever you
have to offer look more attractive. Or you can
reduce the resistance from your target. Nearly
all of the resources on the market on influence
and persuasion show you how to gain
compliance by making your offer look better.
But since no one really talks about how to
reduce the resistance from your target, I felt it
would be beneficial to touch on that topic.
The law of consistency states that people will
act in a way that is consistent with past
behaviors and statements regarding a particular
290
issue. Research also shows that people are
likely to pass on opportunities repeatedly. This
means if they pass on an opportunity once, it is
very likely they will pass on the same
opportunity again. People will even avoid doing
something that could potentially benefit them,
simply because they've avoided doing it
previously.
Some people usually make the initial decision to
avoid something simply because their freedom
of choice feels threatened. The key is to let
them feel as though they are in control and do
not restrict their freedom. When you do this,
you set the precedent for them acting on
whatever it is that you're offering and they will
most likely do it again.
Another important point to remember is that
pointing out what the person has to lose by not
291
complying brings forth feelings of anticipated
regret. When people are thinking about regret
and are not thinking about restriction of
personal freedom, this moves their minds and
direction from saying no. They feel as though
they are being trapped to moving toward a yes
to avoid future pain. Remember, people often
overestimate the role of consequence or pain in
a decision three times as much than what is
really at stake.
The steps for you to implement this are pretty
simple. First, single out four specific ways that
you can leverage possible anticipated regret
with whatever it is that you have to offer. Then
come up with four specific ways that you can
keep whatever you have to offer in front of your
targets that have temporarily said no to you for
the time being. Write down the way that you
normally present your offers, and see if there are
292
ways that you can reframe them to make them
sound more appealing.
Perhaps the best way to reduce resistance is to
simply not even ask for compliance, but directly
tell someone that he or she needs to comply.
You do this by tying in whatever you're offering
into their basic human desires. If their human
desire is expression, for example, you tell them
how your offer will give them the ability to
express themselves and truly be who they are. It
will enable them to truly let their soul shine.
When you bluntly state how whatever it is that
you have to offer is going to feed their human
desire, every other thought diminishes.
People are open to opinions and information
that are congruent to their point of view. When
they come across any point of view or opinion
that differs from their belief, they will quickly
293
formulate arguments to support their way of
thinking. If you know the current belief and
attitude of your targets prior to meeting them
and assure them that you on the same page, than
they will also be less likely to be resistant with
you.
You also begin to discover things that may
come up later in your presentation that they may
disagree with. If that's the case, do not have
them verbally admit it, because if you do, they
will hold onto these contradictions for dear life
even if they are confronted with pure facts and
data that support your conclusions.
The result of compliance is often dependent on
the relationship. As an example, persuading
your friend to go to the restaurant of your choice
can be very different from persuading your child
to do his or her homework.
294
Persuasion in a Business Setting
Here are 8 simple steps to using persuasion in
business settings:
1.) Identify a Problem – All of our decisions
are made to either avoid pain or gain pleasure.
But statistically, people will actually do more to
avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure. If
you can identify a problem or more importantly,
a desire to avoid a problem by your target, you
are well on your way to positioning yourself to
persuading him or her.
2.) Identify The Consequence Of The
Problem – Once you‟ve identified the unwanted
issue in their life (which could be loss of money,
loss of health, weight gain, rising costs, etc.),
295
you now show your target how not taking the
action to correct this issue will result in more
pain for them. Ultimately, you‟re selling a
solution, but sometimes you can‟t do that unless
the person knows that they have a problem. So
the first step is showing them their problem.
3.) Identify the Chosen Solution – Here, you
simply have to lead your target select the
outcome that they think will solve their
problem. The best way to do this is by asking
questions like “What do you think would fix
this?” “What would be the ideal outcome for
you?” or “What would you prefer?”
296
4.) Identify the Consequences of the Solution
– It‟s very important that targets accept and
understand every aspect of the new outcome and
fully support these outcomes. If they don‟t, they
will blame you the moment things don‟t work
out as planned (if that happens).
5.) Check For Confirmation – Make sure that
the chosen outcome is something that your
target truly wants. It will not help if they are not
truthful- either to themselves or with you.
Gaining compliance and gaining pacification are
two different things. Make sure your target is
not telling you what you want to hear just for
the sake of not being combative.
297
6.) Ensure That the Solution is Beneficial – It
will never do you any good to provide quick fix
solutions or short-term answers to your target‟s
problems. Make sure that any solution that you
provide will offer long-lasting results. This will
not only make them happy, but will lead to more
opportunities for you to influence and do more
business with them.
7.) Reserve Judgment – If the target makes a
suggestion or answers a question appropriately,
don‟t pass judgment. Everyone views the world
in a different way and sometimes someone‟s
perception might be different than yours,
making it hard for you to comprehend why he or
she would have a certain opinion on a particular
subject matter. Invest the time and energy to
understand your target‟s values, beliefs and
outlooks on life. It will not only better equip
you to persuade them, but they will take notice
298
of the fact that you have invested in getting to
know them.
8.) Never Correct Your Target – Oftentimes
your target may make statements that are false,
untrue or downright incorrect. If you
experience a situation where this is happening,
it‟s never a good idea to tell them that they‟re
wrong or try to correct them.
When you do, their defense mechanisms
automatically take effect. Then, instead of
listening to you or becoming susceptible to
persuasion, they are too busy defending their
thoughts and points of view. This not only
makes them difficult to persuade, but it also
causes them to question their relationship with
you.
299
As people open up and listen to you, their
resistance lessens. Even though dates, names
and places don't necessarily prove anything,
what they do is create an illusion in your
target‟s mind that your story is true. When you
include details like this in your story, it not only
makes it appear true, but also it helps your target
to imagine him or herself in your story. When
this happens, it becomes a part of their memory,
as well as their understanding of truth and who
you are. Once people know who you are, you
instantly become more likable.
Gaining Compliance – Persuasion and
influence or all about gaining compliance. The
decision to comply is always the result that we
are looking for. There are thousands of ways to
gain compliance from someone. Sometimes it
comes because they trust you and think you're
credible, sometimes it comes because you've
300
filled their desire, and sometimes it comes
because of timing.
As we get into later modules, you will learn
more about contributing factors to gaining
compliance. But here I want to share the basics
of gaining compliance in the persuasion process.
The first method that I want to share is about
changing someone's perspective of time,
the only thing that truly levels the playing field
for EVERYONE is time.
Regardless of how rich, poor, educated, gifted,
cursed or talented each of us may be, the
amount of time in each day remains the same
for all of us. It is the only true commodity. You
can influence people to make different decisions
by changing the perspective of time. Changing
one‟s perspective of time has an impact on the
301
way he or she feels and makes decisions about
things.
Every time you meet someone for the first time,
he or she subconsciously cross-references you
with every other person that he or she has
previously met in life. And the truth of the
matter is that they‟ve probably had more
negative experiences with people than positive
ones. Therefore, when you meet someone for
the first time, it‟s important that you:
a.) Differentiate yourself from everyone else in
his or her past
b.) Move their filter of time to the past, present
or future.
302
People respond emotionally to people, places or
things that stimulate them, and this includes
you. Whether your audience realizes it or not,
both positive and negative experiences are being
triggered when they meet someone like you for
the first time. The ironic thing is that the
response that you evoke in your audience
doesn‟t necessarily have to be directly linked to
303
you. It‟s linked to their past experiences of
someone that reminds them of you.
So before you‟ve even uttered one single word
to your target, he or she has already formulated
a subconscious opinion of you.
Here‟s what‟s really interesting.
Even if you completely change the way your
target thinks about you, because of your
powerful influential tactics, he or she will
eventually return to their original opinion of
you. This happens for a number of reasons.
First of all, they will come across other people
who fall into the same category as you who (in
their mind) solidify their assumptions as being
correct. Secondly, opinions don‟t just diminish
that quickly.
304
For these reasons, it‟s extremely important that
you become an expert in altering time in their
mind. When you can effectively transition your
target mentally from one time frame to another,
his or her past thoughts, emotions or opinions
won‟t have the same effect.
People experience time in 3 ways: past, present
and future.
Let‟s take a closer look at each.
Past: Some people use past experiences as their
sole frame of reference when making decisions
about the present or the future. They are very
skeptical and guarded, but they also make fewer
mistakes because they think this way. They also
sometimes miss out on some of the great things
that life has to offer because they rarely take
305
chances. This is an important point to
remember.
Present: People who live in the present moment
give little thought to the past or future and, as a
result, don‟t worry or get stressed out much.
The downside to their method of making
decisions is that they rarely think of
consequences and instead seek immediate
gratification.
Future: People who live in the future will
sacrifice instant gratification for a better result
down the road. They are usually detailed
planners who love to organize and think things
through. To them, the past (whether good or
bad) has little relevance… if any at all.
Once you understand how people relate to time,
you can equip yourself to influence them
306
adapting to how they see things. Or if they are
not seeing things your way, you can change
their perspective by taking them to another time
frame.
For example, if they are hung up on a past
failure, show them why the future is different.
If they are hesitant about how the decision will
affect their future, show them how other people
who made similar decisions benefited in the
past.
Once you understand your target, they
understand you, and you've built a rapport and
you've reduced the amount of resistance, the
time has come for you to ask for compliance.
That is literally the first step in getting it.
Simply state that your product or service or
offer is going to help them and then suggest that
they comply by saying something like “Let's get
307
started.” If you've done everything else the
right way, the odds are very likely that you will
gain voluntary compliance from the person
instantly, but you must still ask.
The second thing that you can do is induce
scarcity
Inducing scarcity when used for compliance is
also very effective, because it helps create
urgency. Sometimes you can point out all the
great features and benefits that someone has to
gain through complying with your offer, but
they still need a reason to do it right then and
there. And this is when the concept of scarcity
comes in to play. The moment you limit
something in quantity, options or time, it will
instantly become more desirable. People do not
like to feel the sense of potential loss. So ask
someone to comply and then remind them that
308
it's in their best interest to do so, because the
window of opportunity is beginning to close.
This will help to get them to do it right then and
there.
The third thing you can do is involve your target
with the process. Actively involving your target
with the process or experience of your goal also
increases your chances of gaining compliance
because of the effect that this has on their body
language. Much research has shown that you
can get a person's body moving in the direction
that supports your goal; they will begin to agree
with you and, as a result, comply with your
request.
There are various ways to do this if you're in a
business setting and you need someone's
cooperation to help get things organized. You
can start by asking them to help you move some
309
chairs or some computers or to set the table with
some bottles of water. Whatever your choice,
it's the physical act of them doing something
that will subconsciously make them feel
invested in the event.
During a sales presentation, it's absolutely
crucial to have your targets involved in the
process. When you help your targets visualize
your product or service, they will mentally
begin to take ownership over it, so that by the
time it comes to ask for the sale, it's not as if
you're asking for something that's unnatural to
them. They feel as though they're already
involved, and they just need to sign the
paperwork to make it official.
Beforehand, you can lead them to that
conclusion by asking the right questions.
Asking the question that leads people to the
310
direction that you want them to will help you
gain compliance much easier than telling them
what to say, think, feel or do. When you make
demands or ensure people as to how they should
feel, it will cause them to become defensive and
resistant. Instead, if you ask a couple of
questions that leads them to your conclusion,
they will feel that their opinion matters and that
they have control over the choice. All you're
really doing is leading them to the same
destination on a different map.
The best thing you can do is always paint a
picture of certainty. Always remember that
everyone's basic human desire is certainty.
While we know that nothing in life is
guaranteed, we all want guarantees to make
sure. Whenever you're asking for compliance
always try to paint a picture that certainty is the
outcome.
311
Keys to maintaining your ability to influence
Invest in the relationship - Oftentimes in this
world, people scatter the moment they get what
they want. This is why it's extremely important
to invest in the relationship that you have
created with your target. This shows that you
truly value what you have created with them,
and it also sets you apart from the majority of
other people that are trying to get their attention,
business, money, resources etc. that have fallen
off the map once they got what they needed and
only return when they need something else.
You can keep the lines of communication open
with a monthly phone call or perhaps even an e-
mail or text message. Some people will argue
that e-mails or text messages aren't as personal
312
as phone calls, but I like them for the simple
fact that they enable me to let this person know
what I'm thinking about them without
necessarily interrupting them or making them
feel as though they have to speak to me at that
particular time.
Remember the contents of your last
conversation…write it down if necessary. If
you can touch upon something which you spoke
about last with someone (providing it was a
good conversation) it will not only show them
that you were paying attention, but also that you
value the conversation so much that you still
remember it. It also gives you something to
open up with when you begin talking to this
person again.
Another thing that you can do that set you apart
from everyone else is reach out and do things
313
when they would least expect it. Sure sending a
holiday card is great, but in all likelihood, your
card will sit on the table with everyone else's.
Sending a card on a special occasion and on just
a regular day sets you apart from the rest and
shows them that you were thinking about them
even when you had no particular reason to have
to.
Avoid confrontation - Avoid confrontation and
taking immediate offense to things you may not
agree with. Always put yourself in someone
else‟s shoes and think about a logical
explanation why they could be doing something.
Link people together - Try to introduce people
to each other that can help one another. Every
time you do this, you not only help other people
achieve their goals, but you also create the
perception that you have a lot of connections
314
and a lot of people trust and listen to what you
have to say.
Admit that you don’t know it all-You should
only assert that you know your area of expertise
if you really know it damn well. People respect
those who are capable and humble at the same
time. It's okay to admit that you don't
understand something, as long as it doesn't
relate to whatever your competency level is
during the influence process.
For example, I openly tell people that I'm
terrible at math. I always have been. In fact,
until this day, I still have recurring nightmares
about being a high school senior and thinking
that I will never graduate because I cannot pass
315
math. But my area of expertise or being able to
help people has nothing to do with math. It has
to do with influence and persuasion. People
don't care if you‟re not perfect at everything, but
they do expect you to be perfect of what you
claim to be good at.
316
Part II. Influence Mastery
Module Nine - The Ten Human Needs
So now that we understand the basic universal
persuasion tactics which can be applied to most
people when they are processing information
peripherally, it‟s time to move onto the second
part of the program. Here we will be looking at
people more as individuals rather than a mass
group of people. Even though this part of the
code does involve classifications, it works more
based on the individual characteristics of your
target. This helps you fine tune your approach
so that you have a better understanding of when
and how to apply everything you‟ve learned in
part one.
317
We begin with the target‟s basic human need.
Our needs are the result of two things: the desire
to experience and retain balance. It‟s actually
pretty simple to explain. When all of our needs
are met, we experience a feeling of balance.
When they are not, we will strive to experience
it once again.
318
Some human needs supersede others. These are
known as their dominant needs. First are the
survival needs, which include: food, sleep and
Desire to experience
Retaining balance
Human needs
319
water. All of our behavior will directed toward
fulfilling these needs until they are met. Once
those 3 needs have been filled, we move to the
second stage of needs which have to do with
safety and security. They include shelter and
protection. At the next level, we find love and
belonging. Here we want to experience
acceptance and emotional engagement with
others. At the fourth level are the needs that are
centered on self-esteem. Here we want to
experience things that enhance our self-worth.
And lastly are the needs that relate to self-
actualization which include the need to reach
our full potential and to experience the highest
level of awareness of our desire and ourselves.
This is what we call the peak experience.
320
Within this hierarchy of needs are 10 sub-needs
that I have identified which I believe all people
desire on one level or another.
Self-actualization
Self-worth
Love & belonging
Safety & security
Survival needs
321
They include:
1. Comfort/Certainty – This is the desire for
comfort and/or inner peace. No one wants to
live in discomfort. Much of the comfort that we
know comes from certainty. While we all know
there is no such thing as total certainty or
absolute guarantees, we all desire certainty
ranging from small things like our car starting,
to deeper things like the certainty that the things
that bring us joy will continue to do so.
The greatest form of certainty that people desire
is the certainty that they will be alive tomorrow.
For people who have dominant needs that have
to do with comfort and certainty, they generally
do not enjoy taking risks or being exposed to
different types of environments. Generally
speaking, these people are creatures of habit.
They have associated whatever they have been
322
doing with comfort and certainty, and so getting
them to change or move in a different direction
can be challenging.
You can create change in people like this if you
can just show them why not changing will
eventually lead to uncertainty. The best triggers
that you can use with a person who really loves
comfort and security are scarcity and proof.
Obviously, if people like certainty, the best way
to get them to act is to show them that their
certainty is at risk if they do not make a decision
soon.
I explain to them that there are limited quantities
or limited time in their decision-making process
using the scarcity trigger. Because these people
love certainty, you now have to tap into their
desire for comfort and certainty and cause them
to take action to salvage the security they seek.
The best possible way to persuade them is by
323
showing them proof that whatever you are
asking them to do has worked for someone else.
While nothing in life is guaranteed, if you can
show someone that whatever you have to offer
has worked in the past or for someone else, you
have now created a higher level of comfort and
certainty for this person.
2. Variety/Adventure – As much as we want
certainty, there must also be the concept of
chance, risk and variety, or things would get
boring. Most people still desire variety and
adventure within the confines of their certainty
desires. As an example, adventurous people
who enjoy skydiving like the feeling of jumping
out of a plane and the risk associated with it.
However, they still want to come out of the
situation alive. So even though they enjoy the
risk of death, they still want the certainty of life.
324
The point I'm trying to make here is that when
you are dealing with a person whose dominant
needs include adventure and variety, the key is
to understand that these desires still take place
under the umbrella of certainty. The best
triggers to use with these types of people
include proof, because people who like variety
need to know for a fact that something will be
adventurous or will vary from something that
they are used to.
The best way to show someone how different or
how adventurous something may be is through
the proof. Scarcity works very well too because
urgency is directly related to adventure.
Urgency completely changes the perception of
the situation.
325
3. Significance – This is the desire to feel
important. No one wants to feel as though his
or her life meant nothing after he or she has
passed away. Deep down within all of us is the
desire to be significant in life, but for some
people, significance is more important than
anything else. These people have a strong urge
to prove themselves and to make a difference in
the world.
If something great in life happens they want
their name to be attached to it. They want to be
the driving force behind all great things that
happen in life. One of the most effective
triggers to use with people whose dominant
need is significance is the dissonance trigger or
the internal conflict trigger.
326
Feelings are a big part of these people's lives
and what drives them to think and behave in a
certain way. Cognitive dissonance creates
feelings of discomfort or uneasiness within
someone.
So any time that you can show people why their
decision to not comply with you would cause
them to lose the opportunity to be significant, or
even worse make them look insignificant, you
have organically created cognitive dissonance
within them.
Now all you need to do is show them how being
in compliance with you would make them feel
significant. Once you demonstrate this idea,
you have instantly relieved the dissonance.
Using the law of connection is also very
327
effective when dealing with a person whose
dominant need is significance since this is
defined by the way the rest of the world
perceives us. In order for someone to be viewed
as significant, there must be an audience
involved. There also must be another party
involved, because doing anything of great
significance usually has a positive impact on
another party. Therefore, if you can use the
connection trigger to create rapport with people,
they will then feel that being in compliance with
you will make them be significant.
4. Freedom – Although all human needs
correlate to control, freedom is also closely
related. Most people do not want to feel as
though they are being forced to do things in life,
but would rather have the freedom to decide.
As I said earlier, people prefer the path of least
328
resistance and people do not enjoy things
associated with pain.
In the minds of most people, freedom represents
the exact opposite of those two things. Freedom
represents pleasure and it represents choice. It
represents the ability to do whatever you want,
whenever you want in life.
And for some people, this is the driving force
behind everything that they do. In fact, some
people will experience great amounts of pain
and go through paths of extreme resistance if
they believe that these experiences will lead to
freedom at the end.
One of the most powerful triggers that you can
use for people who desire freedom is the law of
contrast. If you can show comparatively how
329
their decision to comply with you, versus
anyone else, would lead them to freedom, they
will be more likely to do whatever it is that you
asked them to do. The same is true for if you
can show them how different their life could be
if they complied with you by using the law of
contrast.
Proof is another technique that works extremely
well with people who are looking for freedom.
Remember, if people are willing to engage in
activities that they hate the most like pain or
resistance just to get to freedom, they need as
many reasons or as much proof as possible to
show them that they will actually achieve
freedom towards the end.
For example, if I'm a good writer but I don't
enjoy writing particularly because it involves a
lot of thought, a lot of time and a lot of work,
330
chances are I don't write that often. However, if
someone could show me is that by writing a
certain book using a certain system that has
been proven to work that I would make $10
million and be able to be financially free, I
would now be more motivated to write each and
every day. The scarcity trigger works extremely
well too because freedom is a desire that can
easily be quantified. In other words, you're
either free or you're not free. So, if you can
show people how being in compliance with you
can change their lives and give them freedom
but then show them how if they don't act soon,
they will lose their freedom, they will be doubly
motivated to take action very quickly.
5. Connection/Love- Relationships nurture the
soul and magnify the human experience. The
more relationships we have and the deeper they
are, the more fulfilled we feel. This is why
331
people have the desire to be part a community,
to care for others and to be cared about. Deep
down inside, all sane human beings want to
experience love and connection on some level.
Even introverts or people who don't enjoy
crowds still desire connection and love on some
level. If, in fact, you find someone that desires
love and connection more than the average
person, scarcity works rather well. If you can
show someone why if they don't act quickly
they will lose their opportunity to feel love and
connection, they will be motivated more to seek
it. We see this in the dating all the time. The
scarcer or less available one person makes
himself, the more the other person desires him.
Another trigger that works extremely well with
people who are interested in love and
connection is association. Any time that we are
attracted to someone who we believe is
332
attractive to everyone, we become even more
attracted to that person. So if you can show
someone why, whatever you have to offer is
wanted and valuable by many other people,
what you have to offer now becomes even more
desirable. This is why men who are not so great
looking, but tend to have a lot of girlfriends, live
this way. Regardless of how good-looking or
not he is, the moment a woman sees a man with
a woman who's very good-looking or with a
number of women, he suddenly becomes more
attractive. These types of thoughts usually run
through their minds- what does he have to offer
that makes them so attracted to him? He must
have something great to offer for so many other
women to like him. This is the law of
association at its best.
6. Growth – We‟ve all heard the saying if
you‟re not growing, you‟re dying. Growth - be
333
it spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically
or financially - improves our overall quality of
life. Some people really have a huge desire to
grow. It doesn't matter if in the process they
achieve freedom, love, significance or any other
desires for that matter, as long as they feel they
are growing in some way.
One trigger is extremely effective with people
who desire growth is proof. If you can show
someone why doing something your way has
been proven to help others grow, he or she will
be motivated to do whatever you asked,
The same is true of association. If you can
associate what you have to offer with the results
that other people have gained through using it,
people will be prompted to take action. People
who desire growth tend to know that quick fixes
are always a reality. Therefore, many of them
334
are very good with commitments. One of the
biggest reasons why people can't keep
commitments is because their point of view on
whatever they committed to changed after the
time they committed to it. People who desire
growth know that stakes can change entirely and
they can easily become unmotivated. However,
they continue anyway.
That's why it's extremely important to get these
types of people to make commitments as soon
as possible. While results show that most
people who make commitments keep them,
people who desire growth more than anything
else generally keep their commitments more
than most people.
335
7. Contribution – This is the desire to
contribute something of value to the world and
somehow make it better place. Contribution is
very similar to the desire for significance,
although contribution is more of a selfless
desire; whereas, significance has to do more
with the way someone will feel after doing
something. People who desire to contribute
more than anything else are more concerned
with how other people will feel or the difference
they can make in someone else's life than they
are with their own lives. The best trigger that
you can use for these types of people has to do
with the law of connection. All you simply
need to do is create a strong rapport and a strong
connection with someone, and then show them
how complying with your request can change
their life for the better. They will instantly want
to contribute and want to help you.
336
Another powerful trigger is the verbiage trigger.
If you can create your presentation in a way that
drives home the fact that this person would be
helping or contributing to someone else's life
very dramatically, their odds of complying with
you will be much higher than if you structure
the presentation around their needs and desires.
Yet, another trigger that's extremely powerful is
the reciprocity trigger. If you can contribute
something in some way to this type of a person
he or she will instantly feel the need to return
the favor. Find a way to do something that will
positively impact or contribute to this person's
life first, and you will have basically laid the
groundwork for them to do the same for you.
Expectations are another extremely effective
trigger to use with people who desire
contribution, because if they know that you're
expecting them to comply with you, you've
already created a scenario where they feel the
need to contribute.
337
8. Power – Of all the human needs, power is
the one need that is closely related to control.
The desire for power is to feel in complete
control over all things at all times and can
encompass all other needs. It can also represent
itself as the desire to feel superior at all times.
People who desire power more than anything
else always want to feel as if they are in control
and do not ever like to feel threatened in any
way.
These people can often feel threatened for no
good reason, if they are around someone who in
their mind is more powerful than them. The key
to dealing with people who desire power is to
always make them feel more superior. As the
great quote says, “Never outshine the Master.”
People who desire power like to feel as though
they have the best of everything.
338
That's why using the contrast trigger is
extremely powerful. You see, if you can show
someone the difference between what you have
to offer and why it is so much better than the
alternatives by using contrast, people like this
will automatically block what you have because
in their mind they believe it makes them more
powerful. Association works very well too
because if you can associate what you have to
other people with power, these types of people
will want it as well.
9. Expression – Expression is the desire to
express the feelings within. The need for
expression can correlate to the need for
contribution and significance, but it can also
stand by itself, as many artists use their
creativity for no other purpose than to release it.
People who have a strong desire for expression
339
can have that desires lead them into other
desires when deep down inside all they want to
do is release whatever it is that is inside of them.
The verbiage trigger works extremely well if
you can tailor your presentation in a way where
people will feel that there are no strings attached
and that they will be able to fully express
themselves by complying.
10. Balance – The need for balance is strongly
related to the cognitive dissonance theory.
People whose dominant human need is for
balance don‟t necessarily care if something is
right or wrong, they are more concerned with
things being equal. To them the world operates
on the premise that all events that take place
must balance each other out. If balance isn‟t
achieved, things seem oddly wrong to them.
340
When influencing a person whose dominant
human need is balance, it's important to point
out how whatever you have to offer doesn't take
away from something else. In fact, it's more
important to focus on how it makes things
equal.
For example, if you're trying to persuade
someone to buy a car and your target is
hesitating because the monthly payment is going
to cause an imbalance in the amount of money
that he or she has, show all the things that he or
she will be able to get done with their car so that
you can create the balance needed for your
target to make a decision.
341
Module Ten - Personality Types
Welcome to Module Ten. Here I will talk about
the second component in the Code of Influence
which has to do with personality types. It is my
belief that the thoughts and behaviors of people
can be predicated on certain factors like their
environment, current circumstance, culture and
social norms. And depending on these factors
people can respond to the same stimuli
differently at different times.
For example, in America one of most popular
forms of white meat to eat for dinner is chicken.
Eating things like Tarantula's for example is
something many Americans might find
repulsive but if you went to a place like
Cambodia, tarantulas are considered a delicacy
that is a worthy offering to both locals and
foreign tourists.
342
Now imagine an American in Cambodia
(different environment and culture) who hasn‟t
eaten in 5 days (extreme circumstance) and he
will probably be cutting the line (different social
norm where people wait in line to eat these
critters) to get his hands on one.
This point illustrates how these factors can
cause a person who would normally respond
one way to respond in a completely different
manner to the very same stimuli. That being
said, once you understand these factors and how
they apply to your target, you can assume that if
those factors are not having an impact, your
target will most likely follow a consistent
pattern of behavior; meaning as long as you‟re
in America and your target isn‟t being deprived
of food, he probably won‟t be looking for
tarantulas to eat.
343
When those factors are put aside, the patterns of
thought and behavior are the result of your
target‟s personality. Like virtually every area of
psychology, the study of personality is riddled
with theories ranging from Carl Jung‟s
introvert/extrovert to Erikson‟s epigenetic
principle. Resulting from all these data are the
distinct personality tests which attempt to
identify certain traits that people generally
exhibit.
In my personal opinion, I don‟t think personality
tests are effective. I do however think that the
information within them serves a great purpose.
The reason that I say that is because they rely on
the answers of the persona taking the exam. It is
my opinion and experience that when it comes
to the mind and observations about human
behavior, third party opinions are most accurate
344
as most people have biased opinions about
themselves.
Therefore, I think the classification data can be
useful when you are trying to determine
someone else's behavioral patterns but not for
those individuals who trying to discover their
own tendencies and behavioral patterns.
When it comes to personality classification,
there really couldn't be anything less rigid. Just
because a person fits the criteria to be in a
certain classification doesn‟t mean he or she
will always showcase those characteristics; but
they, should most of the time. Having this
information enables you to understand how to
present to them and what they value most in this
life. It is for this reason that the personality type
makes is the second component in the code of
influence.
345
What I‟m about to share with you is my opinion
on what I believe to be most accurate set of
classifications of personality traits. After years
of researching this topic, I have taken parts of
theories which I agree with and blended them
together with others to form a unique
classification system.
We begin with something known as the Five
Factor Personality Model which was
popularized by Costa and McCrae. The model is
made up of five traits which govern all of the
characteristics described in the classifications
that fall under them. Each one also has a polar
opposite where the person exhibits traits that are
completely different from those described. They
include:
346
Openness - People with this governing trait are
inventive and curious as opposed to being
cautious and consistent. They appreciate things
like art, adventure, curiosity, unusual ideas and
experiences and emotion. These people tend to
be more right brain oriented are more open to
new, innovative schools of thought rather than
conventional or traditional ones.
Identifying the Open Person - People who
have this dominant trait tend to be very
imaginative and full of ideas. When you explain
something to them, they usually catch on pretty
quickly and will often relay the message back to
you using a rich vocabulary. They are very
articulate and open to new ideas. When you are
speaking to them, they will be genuinely
interested in understanding your message.
Conscientiousness - People with this governing
trait tend to be very efficient and organized as
347
opposed to being careless or easy-going. They
aren‟t very spontaneous and prefer to have
things well planned out. They typically show
good self-discipline and accountability.
Identifying The Conscientious Person - These
people are always prepared and follow strict
schedules. They are rarely ever late and like to
get things done. They may not be the “go to”
person for a new idea but they could be
instrumental in executing it or putting a plan in
place to achieve milestones. These people don‟t
tend to be messy in anything they do. They
prefer structure and organization.
Extraversion - People with this governing trait
are very energetic and outgoing rather than
quiet, reserved and “to themselves”. They are
very energetic, full of positive emotions and
find pleasure in the company of others.
348
Identifying The Extrovert - These people are
always up for going out and meeting new
people. They tend to stand out in the group and
can be very vocal and energetic. They are the
complete opposite of introverts who find little
stimulation in being surrounded by others and/or
meeting new people. They tend to be very
talkative and they like being the center of
attention.
Agreeableness - People with this governing
trait are very friendly and compassionate versus
being cold, unkind and rude to others. They
place a high value on being cooperative and
getting along with others. They tend to give
people the benefit of the doubt rather than being
skeptical or distrusting.
349
Identifying The Agreeable Person - These
people tend to be very compassionate and take
other people‟s feelings into consideration. They
are not combative or skeptical by nature. They
show interest in learning more about others.
Neuroticism - People with this governing trait
have a tendency to be very sensitive to their
surroundings and can have a lot of anxiety as
opposed to having confidence or being secure.
These people tend experience unpleasant
emotions rather easily like anger or depression.
Identifying The Neurotic - These people get
irritated and offended very easily. They tend to
view every situation as a threat and will often
make a big deal out of nothing. They tend to
have mood swings get stressed at what others
would seem to be little or insignificant things.
350
Within this broad scope of traits comes a more
individualized classification system. As I said
before, I personally am not a fan of personality
tests because in most cases they rely on data that
comes from questions answered by the person
being classified. When used by an outside
observer however, I think the descriptions of
each type are extremely helpful in helping us
understand how most people think and behave
most of the time.
After learning about each type, most people ask
me how they know which type their target is.
And that‟s a great question. But it‟s a question
that I can only answer with one word;
observation. The focus on the second part of the
program is long-term influence which is the
ability to build a real relationship with your
target so that you can influence them over the
long-term as opposed to just once or twice. Part
of that process involves you getting to know
351
them on a personal level. By paying attention to
things like their hobbies, interests, buying
patterns, general opinions and ways of doing
things, you will begin to get gain a clearer
understanding of what type of personality they
have. The purpose of the information you‟re
about to learn is here is to be used a cross-
reference tool to gain a better understanding of
your target once the initial observation has been
made.
In other words, your job as a master of influence
is to educate yourself using this information to
gain a baseline understanding of how people
think and behave. Then, after meeting your
target and spending a sufficient amount of time
getting to know them (and this could range from
1/2 hour to six months depending on how much
they display) you can then begin comparing
what you‟ve learned to what you already know
352
to then try to predict how to continue your
relationship.
It is my opinion and experience that each of
these types also usually related to a one of the
basic human needs that I mentioned in module
eight. That is not to say that‟s always the case.
There will be times where one‟s personality
type and basic human need will be completely
different but much of time they are the same.
For the sake of simplicity I have put the aligned
the basic human need that relates most each
type.
353
Let‟s now take a look at each type in detail.
Reformer (Significance, Power)
So let's start with the first category, otherwise
known as the reformer. The first thing to know
about the reformer is that while many people
consider them neat freaks or people that simply
will not bend in their frame of thought, the truth
is that in reality even though they are set in their
way of thinking, that thinking is predicated
based on their own personal standards. In other
words, there is not a general rule that reformers
follow if they make the rules and then follow
them. So if they are people that believe in
extreme neatness, then they will be neat freaks.
But if they believe that taking the time to keep
things neat is a waste of time, then they won't be
neat. Reformers usually have good self-control
354
and they pay attention to detail. They can be
critical, inflexible, have high standards, and
could be their worst enemies.
As you know, each person is special and unique
in his or her own way. Deep down inside
reformers believe that people aren't accepted for
who they are, instead they have to become
something. That something is usually a
reformer, who always does things right and
never makes mistakes.
They generally do not act on impulses and do
not want to behave badly, as they believe they
will be judged negatively if they do so. They
believe that the good things in life are the result
of them being responsible, calculated and
intelligent people who follow the rules.
355
They focus very much on the difference
between right and wrong, and issues that should
be corrected. They are also known as reformers
because a lot of their energy is focused on
judging other people, as well as the way people
judge them. These people often see life very
much as black-and-white with no gray area.
They will invest almost all of their time and
energy into ensuring that all things are done to
their standards. They want to get things right all
the time.
For these people, pain represents anytime they
lose self-control, use bad judgment, make
mistakes or act in a way that is not socially
acceptable. When you communicate with a
number one always make sure that you are
extremely precise and clear and frame your
presentation in a way that is black and white and
leaves no room for thought or imagination.
356
In other words, keep things simple, clear,
concise, and detailed with lots of proof. The
key when using proof with reformers is to make
sure that the proof supports their belief.
Skeptic (Power, Certainty)
As the name would indicate, these people are
very skeptical but they're also trustworthy and
caring. They are extremely analytical and
skeptical, which will leads them to being
uncertain about making a decision because they
are fearful of making the wrong one.
357
These people believe that the world is a
dangerous place that's way too unpredictable.
So they believe that most people can't be
trusted. Trust is something that you definitely
must earn as these people don't give trust easily.
They substitute it in one of two ways. The first
is from a position of accommodation, which
means that even though they approach
everything with a lot of skepticism, they respect
the rules and authority because they believe that
the rules are put in place to protect them from
dangerous situations. The second way that they
substitute trust is through a position of
challenge. From this position, they will only
lead to fight authority, if they feel that it will
somehow protect them from the dangers of life.
Most of their time and energy is focused on the
dangers of life or what could go wrong. They
358
love trying to figure out the challenges,
obstacle, road blocks or pitfalls that may arise
by making a certain decision. Very rarely do
they look for the positives that can arise as a
result of the decision. These people love logical
analysis, and pain to them is represented by the
thought of ever getting stuck in a dangerous or
harmful situation and having lost complete
control. Alienating people or cut or losing
relationships with people that they depend on
also represents pain to them. By challenging
them, their basic fear is to wind up helpless and
or totally dependent on someone else.
When influencing a Category Six, be prepared
to be challenged and be prepared to overcome
objections and challenges by using lots of social
proof. Also be prepared to answer as many
questions as possible. Reciprocity works rather
well with these people, because it will help them
view you as a good person who can be trusted.
But you also must think carefully about what it
359
is that you will give as a goodwill gesture. If it's
not thought out carefully, take could perceive
you as bribing them. Never make them feel
pressured or controlled, as they will become
extremely defensive and even harder to
persuade.
360
Apprentice (Connection, Contribution)
Many people think that apprentices are very
needy and that they always expect something in
return. But the truth is, they are true givers.
When they give, they are not doing so with the
intention of getting something in return. They
are extremely relationship oriented, nurturing,
helpful and caring, but they can be dramatic and
prideful.
They oftentimes don't know how to just say no
to people and can make the mistake of giving
too much and never taking their own needs into
consideration. The thought frame that drives the
behaviors of the apprentice is that love is need.
And so if you can fulfill someone's needs, they
will love you.
361
They also believe that to receive anything in
life, you must give. Now this doesn't mean that
when they are giving something to someone at
that very moment they are thinking about what
they get in return, but their general thought
frame in life is that if you ever do want to get
anything, you must give.
The apprentice focuses a lot of his/her attention
on the needs of other people; especially those
they care about or admire and want to care
about them. They are constantly trying to make
a positive impact on the emotions and feelings
of others and oftentimes can forget about their
own needs and, at times, be disruptive to others
when trying to give to them. Ultimately, these
people feel that giving will gain acceptance and
approval. They are very romantic type people
and very generous. Pain to them represents lack
362
of acceptance, feeling like they can easily be
replaced, letting other people down, rejection
and feeling unappreciated. When
communicating with the apprentice make sure
that you are friendly and polite. Create a win-
win situation, but show them how their choice
will help you or anyone else that's involved.
Detective (Power, Significance)
There is a big myth about detectives which
states that they are stingy and selfish, but the
truth is that these people can be extremely
giving if they feel it's worth this course of
action. Detectives really want to know that it's
going to be worth it for them to invest their time
and energy into something. These people are
usually very investigative, knowledgeable,
363
inquisitive, and analytic. They work well with
systems, and are private and very objective.
Their basic belief system is structured around
something to the effect that people become
drained as a result of the huge demands that the
world puts on them. There is a tendency to
become very private and rely on no one, as a
means of protection from being drained of
whatever resources they do have. They assume
the answer to doing this is to learn as much as
they can and acquire knowledge while at the
same time limiting their wants and desires and
not really expecting to deserve much out of life.
Now even though we all are emotional
creatures, detectives are more likely to use logic
or what they believe to be logic more than
anyone else. So while something always strikes
up the emotion in us to make a decision or to
behave in a certain way, it is typically facts and
analysis that trigger emotion in the detective.
364
They tend to be very left brain oriented and love
to scrutinize things and learn as much as they
can about any given subject. They approach
many things from a sort of empty place when it
comes to feelings. Pain to these people is
represented by intense feelings with the most
relevant being fear. They will do whatever it
takes to avoid intrusive people or people that
they believe will try to break down their
barriers. Their biggest fear in life is that if these
barriers are broken, they will somehow be
drained of all of their resources energy or
anything that they find valuable and they would
therefore be incapacitated in life.
When persuading a detective, you must appear
as very unemotional. Focus a lot on proof, and
structure your presentation around the facts and
content. The more that you can show that you
scrutinize, analyze and put effort into taking the
365
facts into consideration before making your
presentation, the more seriously they will take
you, because that's the kind of stuff that they
admire and relate to. Never make the detective
feel as though they are incorrect about their
facts or whatever information they have
gathered, as it will make them extremely
defensive. Never appear as intrusive or act in a
way where they feel that you are asking too
much from them emotionally. This will only
raise their barriers up even further.
Mediator (Connection, Contribution)
These people are generally very humble,
pleasing and accepting of others. They can
usually adapt very quickly to whatever
environment they are put in. Their adopted
belief is that people eventually become
366
unimportant, and so to stay important, they must
blend in with everyone else and gain a sense of
belonging. They often abandon their own
priorities to focus on other people. That's why
most of their attention is focused on complying
with others, and filling their demands and
requests. They feel as though if they can make
other people happy or belong, they will feel
comfortable and enjoy life. They like to put
their energy into maintaining harmony as well.
They do not like confrontation, conflict or
feeling uncomfortable. The mediator is the
easiest type of person to persuade because they
generally want to be compliant, so the key is to
not manipulate them. Explain the benefits
clearly and ensure that there is always a win-
win, as these people can easily be manipulated
because of their willingness to fill others'
demands and avoid conflict.
367
Entrepreneur (Growth, Significance)
Many people think that entrepreneurs are very
self-centered and only care about their own
goals in life, but the truth is they can bring a
very inspirational energy to helping others
achieve their goals. They are very focused on
goals, very results-oriented, efficient,
enthusiastic and generally confident about their
abilities. They believe that any achievement in
life is the result of effort put forth by
individuals. Results mean everything to these
people, and how you play the game rarely
means anything. Their own true feelings are
often sitting beneath their go-getter energy.
They believe that success brings more love and
acceptance than anything else.
Entrepreneurs focus a lot of their time on tasks,
goals and things that need to be done.
Oftentimes they can make a situation out to be
368
more than what it really is because they're so
focused on the end result. They want to get
things done quickly and efficiently. They are
very competitive and are constantly looking to
accomplish new goals. Failure or being out-
shined by someone else represents pain to these
people. They also do not ever want to lose their
ability to achieve things or be viewed as
incompetent. When speaking to these people,
make sure that you keep up the pace. Be
confident, direct and focus on the topic at hand.
Make sure that your presentation is centered on
how they can become more efficient or effective
at something or how you can deliver your
product or service faster or more efficiently than
anyone else.
369
Creative (Expression, Contribution)
Innovators are full of creativity. They are very
visual and adapt very well to their surroundings.
Much of that comes from their ability to
imagine the possibilities. They have no problem
multitasking and are very open to new ideas. In
fact, they are so open to new methods of thought
that they will often rejection conventional
thinking simply because it appears to be old to
them. When dealing with a creative person, you
must always keep things exciting and interesting
as they tend to get bored rather quickly. You
must also be prepared to hear some radical ideas
that may be a little “out there”. The key is to
show respect and appreciation for their ideas no
matter how farfetched they may seem as this is
part of their personality this aspect of their
personality is very closely connected to their
soul
370
Guardian (Comfort, Freedom)
Guardians are very assertive, confident, intense
and are always out to seek justice. At times
they can be excessive and intimidating, as well
as direct because of their dominant belief is that
the world can be a cruel place where those with
power take advantage and prey on those who are
weak. Therefore, everyone must do whatever it
takes to prepare and protect him or herself.
Guardians support this belief by creating power
within themselves. They avoid appearing
vulnerable and they also avoid putting
themselves in vulnerable situations. Therefore,
they always seek to appear powerful and
respected by others. These people believe that
371
their intuition is always correct, and they focus
most of their attention on gaining control and
power. They also seek to protect themselves
from manipulation. If there is a conflict that is
about to arise, they are not afraid to take action
quickly and face it. They do this to protect
themselves as well as people that they believe to
be weaker than them or innocent.
Respect is extremely important to guardians,
and they believe that they can gain respect if
they always appear powerful and strong. The
biggest fear for a guardian is to become weak or
if they end up depending on someone else for
their needs. If they respect someone or look up
to them, it is extremely important that those
people feel the same way about them. They
would do anything to avoid any kind of
vulnerability.
372
When influencing a guardian, keep in mind that
their dominant human need probably has to do
with power. So make sure that when you speak
to them that you communicate in an
authoritative way so they can relate to you. But
never appear to outshine them or say anything
that may make them appear or feel vulnerable or
powerless. Be prepared for confrontation at
times, but the best way to overcome it is to let
these types of people know that anything that
you are doing is for the good of all and not with
any intention of harming anyone.
Enthusiast (Adventure, Connection)
Many people assume that because enthusiasts
are so enthusiastic about everything that they
tend to jump around or lack commitment once
they start something. However, the truth is that
373
they can oftentimes stay very committed to
something because they always see the positive
in whatever they do.
And if they see enough positive in it, they will
actually stick it out as long as possible and even
take paths of higher resistance or make personal
sacrifices.
These people are optimistic, joyful and always
look at the glass as half-full. The reason why
they behave this way is because they believe
that the world can sometimes be a bad place that
places limits on people and ultimately causes
them pain that could be avoided.
And so they spend most of their time engaging
in activities that they really enjoy and daydream
about activities that they will enjoy in the future,
374
as this helps to protect themselves from the
limitations and the pain that the world puts on
people. They focus most of their energy and
attention on interesting, enjoyable and
fascinating ideas, and they really like to live life
to the fullest by always looking for something
new and enjoyable to do or to plan on doing in
the future.
Pain to these people is equivalent to limitations
and the lack of adventure. They do not like to
be constrained or held back, and their ultimate
feel fear is to be trapped in doing something that
makes them feel pain and not being able to do
anything about it.
When persuading an enthusiast, make sure that
the flow of conversation has a consistently fast
pace and always focus on the freedom that is
somehow associated with whatever you have to
375
offer. Be prepared to deal with someone that
may switch the flow of conversation as often as
possible.
When describing to them the benefits to what
you have to offer, explain the immediate
benefits as well as any benefit that may come in
the future. They will be able to relate to that
and enjoy thinking about those topics. Also it's
very important to make them feel as if they're in
control and they have the choice. You could be
offering these people $1 million in cash, but if
you took away the option of how they would
want the money delivered, it could turn them off
a bit. So the key is to never make them feel as if
you have remove choice from them or limited
them.
376
Motivator (Adventure, Connection)
Motivators are very social people who are
always interested in the best possible outcome
for everyone involved. They value connection
and acceptance from others very highly. They
tend to be very charismatic and are usually very
fluid speakers with excellent communicators.
Motivators are generally easy to get along with
the key is to show them respect and consistently
ask for their feedback on certain things as they
enjoy giving it.
377
Pleasure Seeker (Adventure, Freedom)
The pleasure seeker lives very much in the
moment and believes that life is a meant to be
lived by doing things that involve pure
enjoyment. They‟ll often say things “You only
live once”.
They hate the mundane and anything even
remotely related to boring. To them, if you are
not enjoying life, you should be dead. Many
people believe that the pleasure seeker only
enjoys a certain set of activities like being
outdoors or performing adventure ridden tasks
but that‟s simply not true.
The activity is predicated strictly on the level of
enjoyment. The key when dealing with a
pleasure seeker is to always keep things fun and
interesting. To them pain is represented by
doing things they don‟t enjoy.
378
Strategist (Contribution, Growth)
The strategist loves planning and creating a
structure for people to follow. They are very
good visionaries who can look at a long term
goal and develop a plan to reach it. These are
not the creatives or the entrepreneurs that will
come up with an innovative idea but they are the
ones that will find a way to make that idea come
to fruition. Aside from making ideas come alive,
they are also good at solving problems or
finding solutions. Because they value
contribution and growth so much the strategist
fears failure. The key when dealing with a
strategist is to let them come up with the plan
even if you already have one. If their plan
differs a lot from yours then you can work on it
together but never give them a full plan or set of
379
directives as you are taking away from their
natural ability. Strategists also tend to think 10
steps ahead so always make sure you‟re on the
right page as them when connecting.
Commander (Power, Comfort)
The commander craves one thing and one thing
only; control. They often make great leaders
because of their ability to tell people the truth
and help them move past their weaknesses. The
commander isn‟t the person who‟s going to
come up with a great idea or even a plan to
execute it but he/she will hold everyone
involved accountable and ensure that things get
done. When dealing with a commander, you
must always make them feel as though they are
in control because the moment they feel
vulnerable or subordinate, they will begin
thinking about how to regain the lost power. If
380
they feel they can‟t, their natural reaction will
be to cut off ties with whoever it is that is taking
it from them. In other words, if they feel they
can‟t defeat you because you are too powerful,
they will begin to reject you.
Romantic (Love/Connection, Significance)
These people believe that every time you sever a
relationship with someone, you lose a part of
your life and it is extremely painful. These
people are always searching for the ideal partner
or soul mate so that they can feel complete and
totally loved. Again much of their focus is on
the past and the future, which includes
memories of things that are no more or
anticipation for what is to come. Because of
this they don't pay much attention to what's
381
actually going on in the present. They are
constantly searching for fulfillment in life
through self-expression and connections with
others. Pain to these people is represented by
abandonment, insignificance and rejection.
When speaking to someone like this, remember
to pay attention to his or her feelings. Stay
focused on the benefits involved for them and
how their decision will solidify them as
individuals. At the same time, create a good
relationship with you or anyone else that's
involved.
Understanding the differences between all of
these types enables you to figure out what‟s
important to someone and tailor your
presentation around that. Having this ability to
deal with all different types of people
strengthens your ability to influence.
382
Module Eleven– The Decision Making
Process
Welcome to Module 11. Once you learn the
materials covered in this module and how you
can use the knowledge to your advantage, you
will have what may be the most powerful
capability of all. What you're going to learn in
this module may be the most important material
that I will be covering the entire program. The
reason I say that is because once you master this
material, it will serve as the nuts and bolts that
make everything else that you have learned
work like a well-oiled machine.
The other reason this module is so critical is
because if you did not listen to one other
module in the entire program except this one,
you would still have a very good shot at
383
becoming a great influencer. Compliance and
conversion ultimately boil down to action. We
can talk about the laws of influence, people's
needs, pain vs. pleasure and personality types,
but ultimately what this all boils down to is
whether or not someone is going to take the
action that you want them to. In order for them
to take this action, they have to make either a
conscious or subconscious decision.
People don't take action unless they decide to.
Even the most knee-jerk responses from people,
such as pulling the hand away from a hot flame,
are decisions. The only difference between a
decision like that and a decision like deciding
what shirt you're going to wear to work is the
time it takes to make it. Now even though
people have different human needs, different
personality types and may perceive pain and
pleasure differently, what really magnifies and,
384
in some cases, trumps all of that is how they
make decisions. So once you can take
everything else that you've already learned
about this person and synergistically bring it
together with the method by which he or she
makes decisions, you‟ve hit the jackpot.
The Decision Making Process
To keep things simple, I have divided decision
makers to five different categories. Some of
these categories have the same labels as some of
the personality traits like the skeptic and the
enthusiast. While skeptic decision makers will
share many of the same characteristics as a
person who has a skeptic personality, they
should be viewed in separate contexts as one
refers to how they act in general while the other
refers to how they approach big decisions. For
385
example, a person who may fall into the
category of an apprentice who places a high
value on satisfying the needs of others might
have a tendency to make decisions that make
others happy but when making important
decisions, an apprentice might act more like a
skeptic.
Now realize first and foremost, that pain,
pleasure and circumstances ultimately have a
huge impact on the decisions that people make
in terms of these categories. I'm referring to
helping people make big decisions, decisions
that they really have to sit down and think about
and ponder. So taking emergencies out of the
equation or situations where people are almost
forced into making a decision, we are going to
refer to how people make decisions that will
affect them drastically when they have the
resources, time and the peace of mind to think
them through.
386
Thinker
Thinkers love to scrutinize, they love to jot
down pros and cons and potential outcomes of
every option before they actually make a
decision. It is their ability to outwit outsmart
outmaneuver and outthink their opposition that
387
drives them to be so methodical in their
decision-making process. Thinkers love to take
a look at details and understand how and why
things work. When analyzing a problem, it is
very easy for them to completely disassemble it
and work piece by piece toward a logical
solution. For them information and data are
extremely important because these serve as the
primary resources needed to make the right
decisions. They rely mostly on rational
thoughts and do whatever it takes to restrain
their emotions, and they are open to new ideas
and forward thinking concepts even if they
differ from their personal beliefs. For the
thinker, it is not necessarily whether or not the
concept is right or wrong, but it is more about
the information and the evaluation process. It is
their curiosity and deep desire to understand the
way things work that drives their thought
processes.
388
It is important to realize that your presentation
must always be structured in a way that thinkers
can constantly analyze your message, because if
they don‟t understand the mechanics behind
what you are saying, you will lose them entirely.
And rather than listening to you, they will
become caught up in trying to rearrange their
thoughts. You can easily prevent this from
happening by have all the data they need readily
available. Things like studies, analysis, research
and surveys are things that the thinker will
thrive on.
When it comes to the data that you present the
thinker, it must be hard, factual and quantitative
if possible. Numerical data is especially
intriguing to the thinker. Part of the thinker's
desire for information will lead them to be
extremely thorough and, in doing so, they will
389
often try to gather the opinions of other people
that may be involved in the decision-making
process. Doing this may give the appearance
that they want to enable other people to vote or
have a say in the process, but in reality, they are
doing it because they want to make sure they
cover every single piece of ground in making
the decision process.
Because thinkers not only rely on logic, but they
want to rely on logic, they tend to put up walls
of defense to guard their true emotions and
feelings, passions and desires. This can make
them extremely difficult to read. But that
doesn't mean they can't be read or persuaded.
The three biggest desires for the thinker are
contribution, power and significance.
390
They are very competitive by nature, and
thoroughly enjoy outwitting outmaneuvering
and ultimately outsmarting other people. This is
why they go to such great lengths when
scrutinizing information. The good thing about
thinkers is that even though they desire to win
and they desire power, they are not afraid to
change their view on something, if it makes
logical sense to do so. Many critical processes
must first come into play before a thinker can
come to a decision. It can be difficult to
identify exactly what it is that is driving them to
act. However, based on my research, it is hard
data, factual arguments and a complete
understanding of the process used to arrive at a
decision that will ultimately will drive them to
act the way you want them to.
391
Influencing the Thinker
Because thinkers are so guarded, they can be
difficult to read. Their desire to have as much
information in their hands as possible before
making a decision can also act as an obstacle for
getting them to comply. However, based on my
research, if you follow the set of steps outlined
here, you should be able to persuade and
influence the thinker with no problem. You
must first outline the entire process in your mind
or on paper and know exactly how you're going
to present your argument. Once you know that,
you need to involve the thinker in the entire
process and make him or her understand how
you arrived at the conclusions that you made
and what data ultimately supports your
conclusions.
392
If you don't do that, the thinker will spend too
much time trying to figure it out, as opposed to
just listening to what you have to say. And
moving forward, your presentation must also
have a strict order of events. You should
envision your presentation almost like a movie
that has to start from the beginning and never at
the middle or the end. This will give the thinker
a better understanding of the point that you're
trying to make.
While every decision that we make is ultimately
driven by in emotion, it is the desire to think
logically that is driving the decision-making
process of the thinker. Therefore, you have to
appeal to the emotion within them by making
your presentation logical.
393
A logical presentation has to be made
chronologically; meaning it has to have a
beginning and middle and an end. Using this
type of a structure is extremely important,
because if thinkers don't understand how you
arrived at a certain point in the presentation, you
are going to lose them. They're going to be
thinking about it and questioning you. It is
better to tell your story from beginning to end,
even if it takes three times longer, so they can
understand every single point that you're trying
to make and how you got to it. You also need to
be able to explain how you arrived at certain
points in your presentation, because the thinker
will definitely challenge you if they don't
understand. If you can‟t give them an answer
that they're satisfied with, you are going to lose
credibility.
394
You need to ensure that you have all of the
relative data with you at the time you make your
case. If you don't, the thinker will challenge
you on it. Ultimately, you will have to procure
it at some point, which will ultimately hold up
the process.
Having other people involved in the process that
can help the thinker think things through will
also be of great benefit to you as well. As a
measure of making sure they've covered all
bases, thinkers will often want to cross-
reference all of the data with other people whose
opinions they respect.
395
Anytime you are having a conversation with
someone and trying to persuade him or her, you
should always be listening more than you're
speaking. But with the thinker, it is especially
important to not only listen, but also to include
them in the entire process.
Thinkers want to understand your logic and
want to understand how you arrive at your
opinions and decisions. Oftentimes they will
ask you questions during your presentation to
understand these factors. They also want
understand your decision-making process.
So any time you make a presentation to them,
you should always identify the problem and
explain and evaluate the possible options.
Explain why you think the option that you chose
is the best. Evaluate the benefits that are
396
associated with that option, as well as the risks
associated with it.
Be prepared to answer a barrage of questions
that the thinker might have regarding how you
arrived at your conclusions on everything
you've just explained. At times, it may seem
like they're interrogating you. But the key is to
remember to not get frustrated and not take it
personally, because it's not a personal attack on
you.
It is really just the thinker trying to understand
your methodology. One of the best ways to get
thinkers to accept a concept or an opinion is to
have them arrive at the same opinion of it as you
do at the same time. If you involve them in the
process, you'll not only engage them, you'll also
get them invested in the decision-making
process, which is going to further strengthen
their buy in.
397
If there are risks associated with your proposal
to them, be open about these risks and ask them
what they think the best way to reduce those
risks would be. This will give you more
credibility than you could ever imagine what the
thinker.
If I had my way, I would gain compliance from
someone every single time I sat down with him
or her. Remember, this program is about more
than just gaining compliance from someone just
one time. Being able to persuade someone to do
something once is great. But if you can build a
relationship and influence him or her
continuously, ultimately, this person will be
contributing to your life on a much larger scale.
398
Realize that with a thinker if you really want to
gain compliance for the long haul, you have to
sacrifice getting them to comply the first time
around. It's really best to not pressure them at
all to make a decision that day. Give them time
to do what they love to do, which is thinking.
They will respect you for your ability to
understand the way they like to make decisions.
Additionally, your chances of gaining
compliance from them on larger scales will
increase if you give them time to scrutinize the
information and then come back with them.
For this reason, I often have two meetings with
the thinker. Or if I find myself in a situation
where I'm realizing that the person that I'm
trying to influence is a thinker, I will make it my
business to ensure that no pressure is put on him
or her for that day and I will schedule another
meeting at another time. The first time you
399
meet with them it's best to explain your process
and the way you do things and show them some
of the successes that you've had. Then it's
important to clearly understand what else the
thinker might be looking for. Information is
going to be important to them in making their
decision. You do this by asking questions and
involving the thinker in your process. Gain
their input in the process. Then the second time
you meet with them, outline any changes that
were made to your process since the first time
you met with them. Then I will line up those
changes with supporting logic.
When it comes to thinkers, you can never
provide enough information. Sometimes, you
may even think that you've exhausted every
single option and provided all the data that was
humanly possible and the thinker will then ask
you a question about a topic that you never even
400
thought to bring up. If this happens, you don't
want to appear as though you didn't do your
homework, but you don't want to be dishonest
either. The best thing to do at this point is to
thank the person for bringing up that topic, as it
was something that never ever crossed your
mind. Then begin diving into the subject in
exploring the different options if you think you
can.
If the information that they are requesting is
something that you can't provide, then point
them in the direction that they need to go in
order to obtain that information for themselves.
Remember all the thinker wants is information.
If you can at least point them to the source of
that information, you still will appear as
credible.
401
Once you've given thinkers all the information
that they requested, you must now allow them
the opportunity to scrutinize it and arrive at their
own conclusions and decisions. Thinkers are
more motivated by having control, so having
them take complete ownership over the
decision-making process is extremely important.
The time that they need to make a final decision
could take longer than you expected, but in the
end, this is the process that you must follow in
order to effectively influence the thinker.
Thinkers also tend to remember bad
experiences. So you have to make sure that you
don't create one for them by providing
recommendations that could have a negative
effect on them.
Perhaps the most challenging part of influencing
the thinker is that you really have to go the
distance. When providing them with exhaustive
402
amounts of information, the best way to go
about this is to systematically present everything
to them sequentially. Even if the thinker finds
parts of your presentation that are flawed,
ambiguous or inconsistent, they will still respect
the fact that you have a plan and you're
following it. But because they will look for
flaws in your presentation it's very important
that you set up two meetings with the thinker.
In the first meeting, you involve them in the
decision-making process, so you can assess the
areas where you'll need to do some additional
work and address issues that you didn't think
would have come up. Once you know all of
this, make sure that you're able to address it and
resolve it if necessary during the second
meeting.
403
Skeptic
As the name suggests, the skeptics are naturally
suspicious people and very rarely will they take
information seriously that is not congruent to
their own paradigm of the world. In order for
them to truly believe information, it must come
from sources that in their mind have credibility.
Otherwise, they will not accept what you tell
them. In fact, they will challenge it and write it
off as nonsense even if it is accurate and correct.
Skeptics are always questioning the status quo,
and are ready to fight tooth and nail against
anything that is not congruent to their belief
system. They are not afraid to speak their minds
and get something off their chests if they feel
that it needs to be said. They‟re also very
confident about their opinions and will often
404
make decisions that can be extremely risky,
based solely on their instinct. They're usually
very persistent people, and will keep trying until
they achieve the goals they set out to achieve.
They very rarely give up on a goal and don't tie
themselves up with what is going on now.
Instead, they are constantly envisioning
possibilities of the future.
Skeptics like to think they know it all and, more
importantly, they like to keep that appearance.
In other words, they don't really like asking for
help. When they find themselves in situations
where they do need help, they will usually only
rely on certain people for it. Further, that select
group of people that they will ask for help from
has to be on the same level as them in their
minds. If they are not, they will view them as
being un-credible and they will not accept
anything that they have to say.
405
This is why it's extremely important to gain
credibility as fast as possible with the skeptic.
You could be handing the skeptic a winning
lottery ticket, but if you are not credible, he or
she won't accept it. Skeptics are often
extremists in the way they feel about people.
They either trust you immensely, if you can get
into their circle, or they will completely shut
you out if they decided that you can't get into
their circle.
One of the initial ways that skeptics begin to
trust people is through similarity. If the skeptic
believes that someone is similar to them in some
way, he or she will assume that their
perspectives on things are the same. The
challenge in influencing a skeptic is that they
make it very difficult to engage emotionally
because they can very easily detach themselves.
406
Skeptics are not fans of authority and oftentimes
will resist it just for the sake of being
controversial. In fact, even in professional
business meetings they can be very disruptive
and outspoken and even rebellious to a certain
degree. I've even seen skeptics get up and walk
away while someone that is in the middle of a
presentation that they don't agree with. They
also don't have a problem showing you that their
attention is occupied by something else. They
will often take phone calls or text others while
you're in the middle of a conversation with
them.
Skeptics are truly confident people with strong
personalities who are not afraid to let you know
what they think of you. They are not afraid of
being wrong or losing an argument.
407
People often falsely assume that skeptics do not
make decisions quickly, but nothing could be
further from the truth. They actually make
decisions extremely quickly and oftentimes will
do it right on the spot if their intuition is telling
them to do something. They will often throw
caution to the wind and not need any sort of
proof whatsoever. This is important to
remember that this only happens when their gut
feeling or intuition is pointing them in a certain
direction. When it's not they will rely on
quantitative information and data, much like
thinkers.
Thinkers take all the data and use it to come to a
conclusion, where the skeptics usually have a
conclusion in their mind already and they will
use the information to support the conclusion.
If there are parts of the information that do not
408
support their conclusion, they will write it off as
incorrect.
Dealing with a skeptic does take a very special
skill set, because they are very assertive and
extremely demanding. They expect people to
answer their requests instantly and can appear as
aggressive and combative when they speak.
Skeptics are not afraid to work and will
oftentimes do so around-the-clock. When
they're passionate about something, they can
easily become almost obsessed with it.
The skeptic‟s strong desire is for self-
absorption. They like to call their own shots
and take credit for making decisions that are
correct. They are not afraid of risk, in fact, most
of the time they are seeking it. Skeptics don't
like being wrong and will very rarely take
accountability. When things go wrong, they are
quick to blame others and when things go right,
409
they are quick to take credit. They don't like
being told what to do, and they don't like when
people remind them they need to do certain
things. It's important to never make skeptics
feel like you're rushing them because if you do,
they will most likely take even longer to reach a
decision simply because they don't want to feel
like they are being controlled. Second to self-
absorption and rebellion is the desire to be
competitive. They like to be the best at
whatever they do.
To summarize, the skeptics like to call their own
shots and do not like to be controlled or
directed. They will let you know exactly how
they feel and speak their mind. They are only
afraid of being wrong and will oftentimes make
risky decisions based solely on gut instinct.
They will do whatever it takes to achieve a goal
and don't care whose toes they have to step on
410
in the process. They are not easily distracted
and have a great ability to remain focused on the
task at hand. They have little to no regard for
the way things should be, and are more
concerned at the way things could be.
Skeptics are very independent people, which
can make them hard to get along with in team
atmospheres. But their ability to think outside
the box and be great visionaries often leads
them to great things.
Influencing The Skeptic
You may think that influencing skeptics would
be extremely difficult, because they don't value
any sort of opinions or information that are not
congruent to their outlook on life. But the good
thing about influencing the skeptic is that there
is little left to the imagination and not very
411
much guesswork involved. You don't have to
spend time trying to figure out what the skeptic
is thinking about, because they're going to tell
you straight to your face. The key to
influencing skeptics is to get them to place
extreme value on the source of the data that is
being used to influence them. Once they can
place a value on that data, they will make their
decision very quickly and not procrastinate.
That's why it's extremely important to establish
credibility as soon as possible. If the skeptic has
no idea about you or what you've done, try to
seek an endorsement from someone that they
already view as credible. This will make things
a lot easier for you.
Skeptics are suspicious by nature, and tend to
distrust most things that they come across
unless, of course, they've decided that the source
of the information is credible or similar to them.
412
Name brands, proven track records, and known
leaders in any area are things that skeptics view
as credible.
If you don't fit any of these criteria just yet, you
must leverage the credibility of someone else
that the skeptic trusts. Realize though that this
tactic only gets you in the door. Once you are
there, you still must earn the credibility needed
to influence the skeptic. They will often do this
by challenging you and asking you a lot of
questions, so you should be prepared to answer
them. This is nothing more than a test that
skeptics perform to see whether or not they
should believe anything that you have to say.
What's interesting, though, is that when they are
questioning you, they're looking for reasons to
not trust you. If they can't find them then you
will begin to appear credible to them. With the
413
skeptic, you start out with nothing. Through
your ability to answer their questions and
provide them with what they need to take you
seriously, you begin to gain credibility.
Skeptics trust no one without a proven track
record.
The good news is that once you do establish
credibility with a skeptic, everything else is
much easier. Skeptics only let certain people
into their inner circle, but once they are there,
everything is different. They will then listen
and trust most of what you have to say and
make decisions very quickly.
You have to be able to stand up for yourself.
But realize first that you can't change the
skeptic‟s paradigm or outlook on life. It is part
of their human nature to not trust or except
things at face value. That is why they challenge
414
and question everything that they come across.
They don't do this maliciously; they are just
difficult people by nature. It's not your place to
change that and you shouldn‟t want to. Instead,
accept it for what it is and influence
accordingly.
Make no mistake; you are going to encounter
very challenging situations with skeptics. But
part of being a master of influence is realizing
the type of person that you're dealing with and
adjusting your presentation accordingly. It's
easy to get frustrated upset or mad and want to
walk away, but that's not what influence is
about. Influence is about gaining compliance
from anyone. Just as each person is different,
every approach will be different. Realize that
adjusting your presentation is just part of the
game.
415
You must always appear as an expert in
whatever it is that you are influencing someone
to do. To become an expert, you must have the
desire to want to learn. Once you do learn and
once you gain a level of expertise that you
desire, remember that you know more about the
topic at hand then the skeptic that you're trying
to persuade. Remain confident and trust in your
ability even when the skeptic challenges it.
Aside from being naturally suspicious, skeptics
also tend to be very rebellious people. You
should know before going into a meeting with
the skeptic that all of the events that take place
should go according to when they want them to
take place. This makes them feel as though they
are in control, which will lower their defense
mechanisms slightly.
416
Another challenge with skeptics is the fact that
they can often go off track and skip from one
subject to the next, making it difficult to follow
their train of thought. This can be frustrating,
and it could cause you to want to feel as though
it's not even worth your time dealing with this
type of a person. But again, if you want to
become a master of influence, you need to
understand that each person brings with him or
herself a different set of challenges and there is
always a way to overcome them. When a
skeptic starts jumping from one subject to the
next, simply have the person slow down and
start over again. You could say something like.
“I'm not sure if I understood what you're saying,
let's go back to what you initially said about….”
417
It‟s especially important to not reciprocate with
a combative nature. When dealing with the
skeptic, the best thing that you can do is control
your emotions and your ego. When you become
confrontational with skeptics, it only makes
them more aggressive, because they tend to
defend their egos. When they are in a state of
defense, skeptics become difficult to influence.
When they feel like they are in control, they
become relaxed, making them more susceptible
to influence.
By the same token, a skeptic will not respect
you if you back down easily. They feel that if
someone is correct about something, they
should defend their opinion. So when you don't
defend your opinion, it makes you appear as not
credible. That's why it's extremely important to
defend your point, but do so in a way that is
non-combative. Never fight fire with fire or act
418
aggressively. Instead, just be confident when
responding to the intense questioning. When
you can stay in your ground and respond with
factual information, your credibility continues to
increase in the eyes of the skeptic.
As stated earlier, establishing credibility ASAP
is essential towards influencing the skeptic.
What‟s interesting is that even if you have a
proven track record or a publicly respected
reputation for your expertise, earning the
skeptic‟s trust can still be challenging. If you
assume that the skeptic will take what you have
to say at face value simply because of your
accomplishments, you are making a false
assumption.
Always be sure to point out where you are
getting the information that supports your case
to the skeptic, as that holds more weight with
419
them than the actual information itself. Data
that was obtained from a credible source will
open up a skeptic‟s mind to influence more than
just about anything else.
While influencing skeptics can feel like a
daunting task with no sign of achievement
because of their strong personalities and
aggressive approaches to getting their point
across, it doesn‟t mean that they cannot be
persuaded and led to a decision just like anyone
else.
Realize this fact- every time skeptics question or
challenge something, it‟s because they are
trying to figure out how or why they might
change their frame of thought. You will
eventually succeed in influencing them, you just
need to be patient, answer every single question
and let them take ownership over the decision.
420
Follower
Followers use other people's decision-making
processes as reference points to make their own
decisions. They typically will do something
because it has been proven to work in the past
by someone else. They don't like venturing into
uncharted territory or do things that have never
been done before. They don't like to explore
options that have not been proven to work, and
they are certainly not innovative or creative
people. Followers are great listeners and are
very diplomatic when they interact with other
people. They are open to other people's
opinions and perspectives on things and tend to
have a high level of emotional intelligence. The
challenge with the followers is that they can
sometimes be hard to identify, because they can
easily be misidentified as thinkers and
enthusiasts or skeptics.
421
Followers tend to avoid new solutions that have
not been proven to work in the past. Their
decision-making process is predicated on what's
worked before; they don't like to explore new
options. They gravitate towards trusted brands,
and products, and solutions and ideas that have
been socially validated. Perhaps the biggest
issue for followers is when they become faced
with a problem that has never existed before. In
a case like that, there's no reference point does
nothing for them to compare. Oftentimes when
this happens, they suffer from something called
an analysis paralysis where they are scrutinizing
and studying the problem in trying to determine
the best course of action, but never actually
doing anything.
422
Willingness to delegate tasks to others is one of
their strong people skills. Followers usually are
able to gain loyalty from others, because of their
ability to connect. Another great attribute about
followers is that they are open to other people's
advice, even when it is different from their own
opinions. When the follower asks for your input
on a certain topic, it is because he or she truly
values what you have to say.
They are also extremely empathetic and good at
seeing the world through other people's
paradigms. Similar to skeptics and leaders,
followers like to ask a lot of questions. When
they receive the answers to those questions, they
could challenge them like enthusiasts, and they
sometimes think out the box and look for
innovative ideas.
423
As you might expect, most followers won't
admit that they are actually followers. Instead,
they want people to think that they are forward
thinking even when their decision-making
process proves otherwise. To avoid any
indication that they are followers, they will
often talk about their plans for the future to
make themselves appear like they are
visionaries. However, rest assured any plans
that they have for the future would be based off
of a similar idea that was successful for
someone else.
Followers love bargains. To them getting a
great deal is everything. And oftentimes, they
will trade the risks involved with something
new and unexplored for a decrease in price.
Sometimes they will jump on an opportunity
simply because the prices so low that they don't
want to miss out. They enjoy haggling and
424
oftentimes actually find the process to be a
source of entertainment. What's interesting
about followers is that they can be spontaneous
and take action on the spot, but only if they
know that doing so has been proven to work
before.
Influencing the Follower
Identifying the follower can be challenging, but
once you do the process of influence is actually
pretty easy. In fact, in many cases, you'll gain
compliance from them right on the spot
providing you do everything the right way.
Here's what that entails.
425
First, you can use process of elimination,
because research has shown that people who do
identify themselves as followers usually do not
make use of elimination. In the rare occasion
where you come across a person who is willing
to identify himself or herself as a follower, you
can begin asking questions about how they
make decisions. They will typically classify
themselves as followers because they don't act
until they understand every single risk that's
involved. But, in reality, those are the
characteristics of the thinker.
Proof is extremely important to the follower.
You see, even though they are tough to identify,
when it comes to follower, the influence process
is pretty straightforward and simple. In fact, of
all the types of decision makers that you will
have to influence, the followers will probably be
the easiest, assuming you know what to do and
426
what not to do. The first step is to never take
them out of their comfort zone. Anything that
they are not familiar with, or that is new to
them, will raise high defense mechanisms
within them. The only way that a follower will
make a change is if he or she is absolutely sure
that a large number of people have succeeded by
making that same change. Therefore, it's
important that you have things like testimonials
and references from credible trusted sources
when dealing with a follower.
If you do not have a strong track record for
success or a proven reputation for being a
credible person, it will do no good to try to sell
yourself, particularly as the follower will not
even pay attention to you.
427
Followers relate to phrases like “the old way,”
“what works similar to” and “what has worked
in the past.” They like proven solutions. They
don't like risk, and the idea of losing money,
time, resources or anything else that they deem
is valuable. That's the reason they very rarely
make risky decisions on the spot. The key here
is that you can never have too much proof when
influencing a follower.
Now there will be times where you find yourself
in situations where you don't have enough proof
to influence the follower. When this is the case,
you can switch your tactic from using proof to
delivering the bargains. Followers love
bargains and many times you can offset the risk
or lack of proof by providing them with a great
deal. So if you're in sales, and you're trying to
convince a follower to make a purchase based
on a product‟s track record but that's not
428
working, then you can move on to lowering the
price.
When you do this, the risk is automatically
lowered in the mind of the follower. The
follower will now almost feel like you are
sharing the risk with him or her. Remember
followers find bargaining and negotiating fun
and playful. So don't be afraid to do it.
It's also extremely important to keep things
simple when dealing with a follower.
Remember, they don't like to admit that they are
followers. Instead they would rather have you
believe that they‟re innovative, so sometimes
you might want to pacify them and feed that
desire a little. Just remember not to make them
stray too far from their comfort zone. If you
begin to get too innovative with a follower the
plan could backfire in your face. This usually
429
happens when you make things more
complicated than they need to be. All you really
need to do is supply infinite proof that
something is working. This is what makes
influencing the follower easier than any other
type of decision maker. All they need is proof,
and if proof doesn't work, they need bargains.
Both are the only two avenues that you will ever
have to explore what dealing with a follower.
Linking new concepts to past results is also truly
important when dealing with the follower.
Followers like familiarity. So if you can show
them how the features or benefits of whatever
you're offering is similar to something that has
worked for them in the past, you'll quickly begin
to gain compliance from them. It's important
that you make this connection as early as
possible in your presentation when dealing with
the follower, as it will enable you to open up the
430
door to gain compliance in the first place.
Without first opening that door or showing them
how your idea is similar to something that has
worked in the past, they will become defensive
or will not take your presentation seriously.
Even with the most unique and innovative type
of products, it's important to remember that
followers assimilate information based on past
experiences.
The last bit of information I want to give you
when it comes to followers goes back to what I
said earlier about them being hard to identify.
Because they're hard to identify, if you confuse
them with someone else, like an enthusiast, and
you're trying to make your point by showcasing
new and innovative ideas, you will destroy your
whole presentation. Enthusiasts are driven by
risk, whereas followers avoid it at all costs, so
it's important to make sure that you are in fact
431
dealing with a follower when you're making
your presentation.
Followers don't necessarily like to change
things, and they like to rectify things. They like
the status quo and they like normalcy.
Leaders
Leaders are proactive, independent, meticulous,
“strive for perfection” type of people. The main
emotion that's actually driving all of their
decisions is fear. They often worry and easily
become anxious or nervous when they think
about the unknown. Anytime change or
something new enters their life, they
automatically assume that it's going to affect
them negatively rather than positively. If the
fear becomes too overwhelming for them, it will
actually paralyze them and prevent them from
432
taking any sort of action. That fear can also
make them extremely defensive and combative.
This could cause them to focus too much on
worst-case scenarios and negative outcomes.
The fear can also drive them to achieve things
that most people only dream of. It really all
depends on how much fear is within them.
Leaders are not afraid to get their hands dirty
and take massive action if they don't agree with
the way certain things are being done. They are
truly independent and often trust their ability to
get things going without the help of other
people. They prefer to do things their way
whether they fail or succeed. In their minds, it
is their ability, skill, education or favorable
attributes that ultimately finds the right answers.
Leaders, as you would expect, are very different
than followers. Leaders do not need any kind of
433
path to be prepared for them by someone else.
Instead they rely on their own internal compass
and gut instinct. Others often admire leaders,
because of their ability to aggressively plow
through tasks that others wouldn't even attempt
to take on.
In terms of big decisions, leaders need to feel as
though they are in control of the entire process.
In a sense, they are possessed with power. They
must first review any type of information so
they can make a decision based on their own
judgments rather than the input or device of
others.
In fact, in many cases, they will not ask for
advice from others, even if they trust and admire
them. The only input that leaders really value is
their own, because in their minds, this is the
only truly credible source. This outlook is
driven primarily by the emotion of fear that
434
resides within them. If they think for a second
that someone else's opinion conflicts with theirs,
they will abruptly dismiss it, even if there is
validity and truth to it.
Leaders tend to be very self-absorbed, and even
if they share thoughts about a decision with
others, they very rarely will take their advice
into consideration. Meeting with leaders can be
very unpredictable. If they think for a second
that you're trying to take advantage of them,
they will become extremely confrontational.
At the same time, they could sit there in
complete silence wrapped up in their own
thoughts. They can also easily lose their
patience, because they are frustrated with the
fact that someone else can't see things their way.
They also falsely assume that everyone sees
435
things their way. When they learn that they
don't, they can quickly become agitated.
In a sense, leaders are spoiled because they're
used to getting their way. They have a huge
desire for control, because control is equal to
security in their mind. Leaders fear of loss of
control more than anything. This factor can
serve them both positively and negatively.
Leaders are very straightforward and clear
people. In their minds, there is a clear set of
rules that dictates what is right and what is
wrong. The right way is their way, and the
wrong way is anything that is not in alignment
with their way. They are very black and white
thinkers and leave little room for gray areas.
436
Leaders are not also open to change once
they've made up their mind that they want
something. Their ideas become written in stone
and are truly hard to change. Part of the reason
why their ideas are so hard to change is because
they formulate these ideas on what they
perceive to be pure facts and logical data. They
have no use for uncertainty and ambiguity or
unclear information. This, however, does not
mean that they will not make unintelligent or
irrational decisions at times. But their decisions
usually come in to play.
Leaders are driven perfectionists; they want
everything done meticulously and with zero
errors. This is often why they have the attitude
of rolling up their sleeves and doing things
themselves, as they really don‟t trust that
anyone can do things as good as they can.
Leaders have very strong personalities and, in
437
their minds, they are the best at everything that
they do whatever business they choose to be
involved in. They feel that they can do better
than anyone.
Leaders also avoid risk and responsibility,
because of fear of failure. Remember the fear is
the driving force behind everything that the
leader does.
438
Influencing the Leader
As you can expect, influencing the leader will
be the most challenging of all decision makers.
In reality, you can't even influence them. You
can only influence them to influence
themselves. The only two things that you can
use to do so are time and fear. You need time,
because leaders work at their own pace and will
not be rushed by anyone. And you need to
reduce their fear as much as possible in order
for them to take action. Here are the key steps
to doing so.
Never try to force a leader into doing
something. You could be giving a leader the
best advice possible, but if they feel for a
moment that you have a hidden agenda, they
will become combative and defensive. They
439
will relentlessly begin questioning you. When
this happens it's best to gain your composure
and stay patient. Never become defensive or
take things personally. You have to see leaders
for what they are- people primarily driven by
fear. This fear can sometimes transform into the
complete terror of making a bad decision.
The key to dealing with a leader is to not let
your emotions take hold of you. Remain calm
and reassure them. If you can effectively
silence their fears, you'll gain compliance from
them. The challenge is that in their mind the
fears don't exist. A leader will never want to
admit to anyone else or to themselves that they
are afraid of anything. So they will often put off
making a fearful decision by asking for
additional information, when in reality, they
might not even look at the information that they
asked for. If you sense that a leader is simply
440
procrastinating when he or she is asking you for
additional information, it's important to provide
the information anyway. Every time you
respond to one of their requests, you actually
reduce their fear slightly without actually calling
them out on it.
During your presentation with a leader, be
prepared for long intervals of silence as they
often become very self-absorbed. In meetings
the key to influencing a leader is having a
presentation that is linear and very well
structured. While they enjoy details, they only
take them seriously if they feel they are being
presented from someone who is an expert at
what they do. When you present data, it must
be combined with discipline, authority, strength,
power and command. They admire and are
open to approaches that are very straightforward
and exude confidence.
441
In the end, the leader‟s decision to comply will
come from within. Therefore, as I said earlier,
you can't really influence them per se. You can
influence them to influence themselves. The
key to it is to always let them feel as though
they are in control. Their decisions must come
from their thoughts and opinions rather than
yours. Think of it this way- when dealing with
a leader, your job is not to sell. Instead, it's to
give them the opportunity to make a purchase.
Your best course of action is to give them
everything they need to make a decision and
supply them with what they asked for. Then
you can sit back while they influence
themselves to take action. This allows the
leader take ownership over the idea, which is
what they want more than anything else.
442
Some years ago, I had a business partner who
was a leader who was obsessed with control. I
needed a certain amount of help from him, and I
knew that if I got this help it would improve my
financial situation drastically. The problem is
that I also knew that he wouldn't be willing to
give it to me, because in his mind, the financial
gain that I would receive would be something
that he feared. You see a leader always likes to
feel like he or she is in a better position than
those surrounding him or her. Therefore, the
thought of him giving me something that would
possibly make me more money than him was
something that he wasn't comfortable with.
Rather than asking him for what I needed, I
asked him how he thought I could make more
money with my business. In his mind, I was
calling on him for his expertise and good
judgment. He willingly complied, and gave me
what I needed as a result. My income doubled
that year.
443
Because leaders often take an extremely long
time to make decisions, a good tactic is to give
them a deadline that is controlled by an external
factor rather than you. This is where you create
urgency to circumstances beyond your control
so that you are not perceived as the bad guy.
For example, when I was selling gym
memberships, the object of the game was
always to get the person to join on that day.
Initially, we have something called the first.
This is an incentive, which meant that you
would save money if you joined on your first
visit to the club. Oftentimes people would say,
“Well, what if I come back tomorrow. You
won't give me the discount?” This makes you
appear as someone that doesn't want to do
business with them. So I began to change my
presentation and say that the sale ended on that
444
day, or that there were only a limited amount of
memberships left. This creates the same
urgency and gives the same deadline; only it
doesn't position me as the person who's in
control of that deadline. Therefore, I can‟t make
any adjustments to it. They must act that day if
they want the best deal possible.
You must also know your bottom line when
dealing with a leader, as they will often try to
push the limits as far as they can get them.
Never rush the leader, as you will only make
them defensive and resistant to being
influenced.
445
Enthusiast
Enthusiasts are always looking for something to
get involved with. As the name suggests, they
are enthusiastic about new ideas and are quick
to embrace them. They seek to know more
about how that idea can benefit them as well as
others.
They're very interested in innovative ideas and
can identify with the revolutionary thinking.
They love to imagine possibilities, and are
responsible and accountable. They care really
only about the bottom line. Enthusiasts are
interactive, can make decisions very easily and
are not afraid of risk.
Enthusiasts as are never afraid to pull the trigger
once the timing is right. In fact, if there's one
446
thing that the enthusiast frowns upon more than
anything else, it's procrastination and wasting
time.
The emotion of excitement about a new idea is
only the beginning of how the decision-making
process takes place for the enthusiast. They do
seek out facts and data to support their
enthusiasm and desire to want to get involved.
But if they cannot find those facts, their
enthusiasm will quickly diminish. You might
not have to provide detailed information to
enthusiasts, but they will need to see an in-depth
plan on how the idea will be executed. Yes,
they are enthusiastic people, but they only
remain enthusiastic when they see that someone
else has thought through every aspect of the
idea. If they do not see that, they quickly lose
their enthusiasm.
447
Part of the reason for this is because most
enthusiasts have been burned in the past by
making decisions too quickly without actually
thinking them through. You cannot change the
emotion that naturally resides within them,
which is to become enthusiastic about a new
idea. You can only prevent it from going away
by providing them with what they need to
remain secure in their decision to move forward.
They can become very discouraged if you don't
have the answers that they are looking for.
They admire those who have done their
homework and are not afraid to be aggressively
questioned on why their idea will work.
448
With an enthusiast, the bottom line is really all
that matters. But that bottom line has to be
supported by the proof that will keep them
enthusiastic. They can quickly begin to break
down a large idea into smaller details and they
are most excited about the details of the
execution. They are not interested in long
drawn-out processes. Rather they are more
fixated on instant gratification and immediate
results. They care more about the solution
rather than the problem. They are open to
change and willing to adapt if they feel a result
can be gained faster.
Enthusiasts are also very interactive people.
They enjoy talking with others and sharing
ideas, brainstorming is also very enjoyable to
them, as they like to share ideas with others and
see how a concept can come to life. They're
also known for jotting down ideas on the
449
whiteboard or a piece of paper and leaving it to
someone else to figure out how to assemble
them. They can be very talkative and engaging
people, but they can easily take over
conversation and speak very fast and animated.
They can also be very interruptive and have
little tolerance for the boring and mundane.
Enthusiasts are not afraid to call in help from
someone else if they feel they need it. Again, all
they really care about is the results achieved.
They will do whatever it takes to get that done.
450
Influencing the Enthusiast
When using the right approach, this can be one
of the easiest decision makers to influence.
Here is a closer look at what that right approach
consists of.
First give the headlines. Enthusiasts typically
have very short attention spans. They will not
concern themselves with boring details. For
example, if they were reading this book, they
would probably go to the table of contents, find
which chapters interested them or could be
valuable to them and skip straight through to
them. That's why when you begin your
presentation within enthusiast; you have to start
with the most critical information. If you don't,
you could lose their attention very fast.
Oftentimes, when you're influencing someone,
451
you need to structure your presentation
sequentially so that you can build value in your
concept and then explain your concept. With the
enthusiast, it's actually the complete opposite.
You explain the concept first, and let everything
else follow.
They can become bored very easily with a
drawn-out presentation. It is better to have an
interactive conversation with them. And if they
interrupt you, don't take offense. They're just
trying to make sense of what you're saying and
get to the bottom line. Once they understand the
big picture, you should immediately begin to
talk about execution and how that idea will
actually come to life. What is really driving
their enthusiast is a burning desire to interact
with others. They love brainstorming, thinking
outside the box and want to ultimately play with
ideas.
452
Your presentation should be simple and
straightforward as well as logical and
systematic. If it's not, you will lose the
enthusiast attention very fast. You should also
be prepared to adapt and change your
presentation according to whatever is going on
to keep them engaged. In fact, the entire
presentation should be structured around the
enthusiast‟s needs. Keep a written checklist of
all the points that you need to make so that you
can stay on track while still fulfilling their
immediate gratification needs.
Even though you may have to change your
presentation, it's important to remember that you
cannot get caught up in the enthusiast
excitement and lose sight of the task at hand.
The enthusiast might tell you that they are
onboard 100%. Yet, just when you think your
453
job is done, you may realize that they have
changed their minds. It's one of their habits to
agree to do something and then to fight off their
impulses, because they have been burned in the
past.
It's also important to talk about any risks
associated with your ideas up front. In fact, if
there is a part of your presentation that they are
especially excited about, it's a good idea to
actually undersell those things and make them
appear less attractive than they actually are by
discussing the risks associated with them at the
same time. You also address your plan to
minimize those risks. If you try to cover up any
type of information, you can rest assured that
they will learn it at a later time when you might
not be around to address it with them by
covering any risks or downsides up front and
keeping the enthusiast grounded. You will
454
appear as someone logical and credible. This
factor will, in turn, strengthen their confidence
in you.
Remember that risk is not something that they
are afraid of. They actually seek it. So when
you address the possibility of something going
wrong up front, they are less likely to be scared
away than other types of people.
When you finish your presentation, it is
extremely important to follow up with the
enthusiast afterwards. They can be very excited
and appear to be proactive. When you leave,
they could begin to rethink things and have a
completely different perspective the next time
you talk to them. For that reason, it's especially
important to keep a lot of communication open
and consistently follow up with them with
455
updates as to where you are in terms of the
process.
456
Module Twelve – Conclusion
Congratulations! You have now learned the
Code of Influence. My hope is that as
informative and comprehensive as this program
is, that you find the information easy to
understand and apply based on the way that I
presented it. If you didn‟t, don‟t worry it will
get easier with time like everything else. The
more you listen to the audio modules and read
the transcript, you will begin familiarizing
yourself with the concepts.
You‟ll begin to identify them in real life
situations. At that point it will become easier for
you to grasp.
457
My goal in creating this program was to help
you understand and leverage what might be the
greatest quality that any human being can ever
have. I have learned firsthand how powerful the
ability to influence others can be.
Those who have mastered this ability clearly
live life with results that are magnified more
than people who do not have this ability. They
enjoy deep, meaningful relationships, have high
income levels and have access to opportunities
and resources that most others do not. You now
have the opportunity to join them.
Here are some final thoughts that I want to leave
you with upon the conclusion of this book:
458
You are worthy of everything that you desire;
you just need a plan to get there. The key now
is for you to take action. Action makes
everything else effective and not taking action
makes everything else useless. If you purchased
this program to gain some knowledge that you
have something interesting to talk about with
people during conversations, that's great.
However, if you really want to experience how
powerful everything you read here is, you need
to take action.
Get out there and start selling. Remember until
you can sell it, nothing else matters.