ASCIT Minutes! and IHC Minutes! and BOD Minutes!

see pages 3, 4, 5

What is that they ' re

feeding us?

A sk Dave.

see page 4

THE CALIFORNIA TECH V OLUME XCIX, N UM BER 23 P ASADENA, CALIFORNIA

8th.

Q uiz Bowl Scores in

N ational Championship

Out of 800 questions in the tournament, apparently there was a rash of chlamydia - controversy, that is. Anec­dotally, one part ic ipant was quoted as saying " I' ve got itl I' ve got it!", and there was a large debate via email prior to the co mpetition as to the ex­act nature of the bacterium. Furthermore , "chlamydia cost us a game," as one learn mem­ber put it. Caltech lost to Ar­kansas in overtime due to con­fusion over the organism's life cycle.

Overall the team was pleased with its performance . Initially, they were ranked 20th , so finished better than expected. In the very last round , they defeated Mary­land, whom they had lost to seve ral time in the tourna­menl. Also, they noted that

BY ERIK DILL

Despite its much derided athletic record, ealtech does not get brutally crushed in all contests of skill and prowess. In fact, sometimes they get to

some of the brutal crush­On April 3-5, the Na­

I Quiz Bowl Tournament held at Vanderbilt Univer-, in Nashville, Tennessee .

ate s tud e nt s Richard a so n, Chris Nolte and

IM:mlhplh Swiatek, and fresh­Michael Schein placed

fth o ut of 46 Division I

Over the course of (he weekend, sixteen rounds were playep. Caltech defeated some of the better teams, including groups from -----------­ some of the

best teams, including Stanford, Harvard, and Chi-

the University of Pennsylva­nia , Georgia Tech and Vir­gi nia Tech. Overa ll, they finished with a

"Chlamydia cost us a game. " cago, were a

bit weak in science. "Unfortunately, all the que st ions were not sci­ence." Perhaps if they had been, th e carnage Caltec h w ro u ght might have been complete.

10-6 record for the tourna­ment. Stanford ended up in first place on top of a strong west coa st s howing with Brigham Young Uni versity and Berkeley fol lowing at 4th and

D abney Lounge - The twelfth annual Mozart concert was held on Saturday, April 4 and

Sunday AprilS. Three pieces were performed, the first being the Flute Quartet in C Major, K. 285b. Angie Han was featured on flute , and David Fang, Kacie Shelton and

Andrew Ling completed the group. The Chamber Singers and Orchestra performed the

unu sual Mass in C Major, K. 337, which was Mozart's last complete work in the form.

After intermission came the ,Piano Concerto in C mino r, K. 491. Daniel Rogstad ,pic-

Il t tl> rp,,j above, was the piano soloist.

FRIDAY,ApRIL 10, 1998

David Baltimore, Calteeh's new President, awaits the pranking creativity of Calteeh students. Don't

disappoint him! (Ask ASCIT for money, and send the photos of your prank to the Tech - we'll publish them.)

International Week will include food, music, dance

BY SHANNON STEWMAN

This year the traditional ac­tivities oflntemational Day have been extended to an entire week. The program, called Interna­tional Week, is co-sponsored by the Cal tech Y and the Office for Intemational Programs. Interna­tional Day has

ing a leClure on the Dreyfus case Tuesday, April 13. Dr. Guieu is staying in Avery, and students interested in having dinner with him should talk to Sue Fried­man , of Residence Life. On Thursday, Dr. Alice Huang will be giving a talk entitled "Your Future and the Pacific Rim" at

noon in Steele

International Day has moved from its traditional

House. Later In the day there's also a seminar at 6:00 p.m. in Steele House on the Japan Intern­ship Program. Students previ­

location on the Olive Walk to the

moved from its traditional loca­tion on the Ol­ive Walk to the Avery Court­yard. Its usual act ivi ti es, in­cluding the passport -based meal, have been expanded to include three

Avery Courtyard. ou s ly in the program will

hours o f continuous music col­lected from different parts of the world, both Indian and Korean dances, and a drawing contest. The new International Week will be fill ed with movies, lectures and performances. Dr. Jean-Max Guieu, a Professor of French from Georgetown, will be giv-

be giving talks on their experiences. The semi­nar will be followed by a sushi making demonstrat ion gi ven by Dr. Hirata and dinner. The week wraps up on Saturday wi th Sports Day at Brown Gym. The sports of Floorball, Volleyball, Cricket, and Badminton will be followed by an ethnic barbeque.

IN THIS ISSUE

THE USUAL

STUFF

Announcements ....................... 8 Dean ............................. .. .. .......... 7 Fox Trot.. ................................. . 6 IHC Minutes .......................... ..4 The Outside World ................... 3

THIS WEEK'S

FEATURES

ASCIT Budget. ......................... 2 Clubwalch .......................... , ..... 3 DILBERT" ............................... 6 Fun with Food ........................ .4 VolJeyball ................................. 2

2 March 6, 1998 NEWS

ASCIT 98~99 Budget Childs wins scholarship Class Publi cation

Salary

Ope ration:.

Special Soci al Eve nts (es l irn~lIcd breakdown )

GcnemJ Al locations

Budget hem Tech

Toh:rn UROH TOlal Totem Payroll [iuk (

Book k .. :cping Total

Coffeehouse Copier

Copies/Elect ionslOI her Muv ies

Te'lChing Award.~

Don ut s SFC Fund Alhlelics

ARC BoC Total

Scmana Latina IJoughnuts

Formal Multihouse

Prefrosh Part y Rotation Party

Halloween Installs Other

Spring Party Total

Operations Total

9&'99 Fundin g: Amoull1 S'. IOO.OO

sxOO.OO .1200.00

$6. 10000 .\ "~lOl) $700.00 $500.00

54 .. 100.00 S5 ,800.00 $1.000.00

$200.00 s~no , oo

SY. I 00.00 S'O(l.OO

S 1.000.00 5'00.00

SI.OOO.OO S200.00

S2.000.00 $15.800IXI

S7'0.00 S2.()OO.OO $2.567.00 $4,200.00

$750.00 S725.00 S775.00 S200.OO

sl.1noo .1800.00

$\3.200.00 40.900.00

BY S UZElTE CUMM INGS

And rew Ch ild s ha s been awardcd a Barry M. Goldwaler Scholarships. Andrew is a sopho­more majori ng in th eo reti ca l physics.

Th e Barry M . Go ldwater Schol arship and Ex ce llcnce in Educat ion Fo undati on awa rded J I 6 scholarships for Ihc I 99~-99 academic year to undergraduate sopnol11ores and juniors from all fifty states. the District of Colum­bia. Puerto Rico. and the United Stales Territories.

Th c Goldwate r Scho lars

were selected on the basis of aca­demic merit from a field of mo re than 1. 186 mathematics, science. and enginee ring student s wh o were nominated hy the fa(;uities o f colleges and uni versities na­tionwide.

The Scholarship Program honor in g Scnato r Barr y M. Goldwater \\'as designed to fostcr and encourage outstanding slll­dent s to pursue careers in the field s or mathcmatics. the natural sciences. and cngineering.

The Goldwatcr ScholaGi~ip

is the premier undergraduate award of its type in thcse tle lds.

Men's Volleyball Dominates All BY Scan V AN ESSEN lovc childll ' " one unidentifi ed

woman in the crowd screamed as shc was pushed out the door. The photographer from Sports illu s­trated was badly ......

Di s.tributions to Campus Organizations

In a game schedu led Satur­day March 28th against Azu sa Pacifi c University. he was every­where. No set went un spiked, no hit went unblocked, no ball could touch the noor on hi s side of the nct. He is the Caltech Men's Club Volleyball team's one man wreck­ing crew. Hi s name is Scott Van Essen.

We interrupt thi s daydream for the following important an­nouncement. Following two de­c isive 3-0 v icto ri es against Conco rdia Un ive rs it y and Whitti e r College, Cal tec h was agai n di sappointed at home on Saturday when it 's opponent fai led 10 materiali ze. Clearly word ofthc Beave rs' *12 and 0* UNDE­FEATED record has leaked out and is intimidating teams around Ihe country. First Mt. San Anto­nio College " nd now Azu sa Pa­cific University have been unwill­ing to challenge thc Beavers in their own Dam .

Organiz:l li o n Ani mc A SME B al lroom Chclll C lub CCF CCSA CEVC FUUC HK SA Jamro om

Na me

K o rean Student OASIS Qui z Bo wl SEDS Spectre Surf and SWE TAC IT

Winds urf

Tang Sa O Do ARCA Treb le Make rs Ecphon cm3 Medieval & Ren o Rugby Karate M en's Volleyball Racq uetba ll Enlrcp re nu cr To ta l

To tal Fund Expected Genera l

T ype

Pu b lica ti ons Salari es Ope ra ti o ns Spec ia l Soda l Clubs Total

Expe nses Fund Left

Association

General Fund

Re view & Total

•

ffiro8r S comm9!

, <~ ~(~s. <.r ... u.t Advl« . W;'cc.

98 /Y9 Dis tributi on S 120.00

S75.00 S250.00

57, .00 S400.00 $420.00 5100.00 $ /50 .00

575 .00 $)00 .00

550 .00 $75.00 550.00

5270.00 $ 150.00

S50 .00 .1 100.00 S270.00 S7, .00 5,0.00 $75 .00 S75 .00

.12 10.00 $50.00 .175.00 .150.00 S50 .00 $40.00

$1.180.00

S6.170 .00 S2.400.00 $).770.00

All oc.: a tcd $6 .100.00 S5.800.00

$15 .800.00 5750.00

511.200 .00 S3. 180.00

S44.8)0.00

With his spectacular 38 inch vertical jump, he towered over opponents. Hi s Ican and lank 6'5" 190 pound frame a coiled spring ... waiting like a mousetrap to unleash devastation upo n hi s focs. Wherc Scott rose . oppo­nents ducked and covered, pro­tecting vital organs Or neeing the gym entirely. The enti re Azusa Pacific team might as well have not even been there, so devastat­ing was his unstoppablc attack.

Fans screamed their adu la­tion. "We love you Scott" ech­oed "rom the rafters. Pro Beach Volleyball Sen satio n Karc h Kiraly had thi s to say " .. .! was utterly blown away. I came here to ask Scott to be my partner for the AVP tour thi s summer, but I might as well go home now, thi s guy is way oul of my league. ". Eventuall y police arrivcd to c lear the arena of the mobbing fans. "I want to carry Scott Van Essen's

The final homc game of the seaSOn is on Saturday the 18th agai nst Occidental College at 3pm in Brown Gymnasium. We now rc tum you to your regul arly sched­uled aitemate reality .

....... with Kat e Wi ns let" Scott assured us in a personal in­tc rview arter the game. Well , he won ' t be necding any life preserv­ers toni ght. The future exploits of Scott Van Essen as well as hi s past triumphs can be found on the Scott Van Esse n fa n page a t hllp: / www.ceo.caitech,edu/-v ba/ ll VB. home. hlml.

CORRECTION

In last issue the Fe llowships Advising and Resources Office was identified as be ing part of the Career Development Cente r. This is not the case, the two bodies are tota lly separate entities. Th e Tech regrels Ihe error.

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The California Tech

Deans search for UCCs

BY S UZETIE C U \1MINGS

The Dean s arc interested in hearing from you if you would li ke to attend New Studen t Ori­entat ion (Camp) as a UCC-ot­LLJrge and have not already been se lec led by your House. Camp is schedul ed for Tuesday-Thurs­day, Sept. 22 -24 , 1998. The Deans are accepting nomina­tions forthese seven Upperclass Camp Counselors-at-Large po­sitions through Monday, April 20. 1998. They will also need to bring some additional studenl participants to camp to perform spec ia l fun cti ons such as audio visual spec iali st, kitchen coordi­nator, and photographer.

If inte rested , submit a brief writte n desc ription of yo ur uniqu e qualifications (campus ac ti viti es, tale nt s, experience with audio visual assisting, pho­tography, etc . and why you want 10 a!tend camp) as a UCC-al­Large and/or Deans' Hel per to the Deans' Office, 102 Parsons­Gates, by M o nd ay, April 20, 1998. We hope, with your help, to add to th e di versi ty of the Camp expe ri ence fo r the new students .

A lso, uppe rc lass students parlicipaling in new s tudent ori­entati on must be e li gible for fa ll 1998 classes by the June UAS H meeting or they wi ll not be able

to attend camp in Septembe r. If you have questions about this, please see one of the Deans.

T HE CALIFORNIA TECH

Caltech 40-58, Pasadena, CA 91125 phone: (818) 395-615 3

advertising : (818) 395-6154 e·rna ll: edirors@rechcaltech. edu

advertiSing: adv@techca/techedu ISS N 0008 - 1582

VOLUME XCIX. NUMBER 23 APR IL 10, 1998

""'" lu M-'N.&.m Sh:IY Chinn Van~sa Sih

Erik Dill Katy Isaacs Sr-'ff Wnrw T~rry f',-1oran Myfanwy Callahan

SI1:in"On Slcwnuw Mohi Kumar

CoN (,11'1)0 fu.rvn Wmru Mt'r~di t h Alden Ron 0 011,.,1,., Liz Vcrschell Daisy Jamcs

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O"~ON S Et'ITOf. Dave Tyt,.,ll John Hatfield Admn Villani

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Ron Dollcllc Mike ASlle Tanya Th;kcl

t",," AU1umn Looij~'n ClUOUnoN Sr,l,H

Chri510ph Barllac Emn '" Nrmeu Rop.er O· Brie nt

Andrea MeColl Yin Yucn

MMlSS MA'Lua A""", Jim GlOre Hall Daily

Publ,~h~u ",,"...,kly c~ccr' uUrln, ,·"""I"ln ;,nde~W'l"1ln;,u"n p.:n'oJ~ by !he A<S< ... ·,~IOO SWJ..'IIB·

"r lI>c C~h("m.a In~tilulc "r Tco.:hn"It1~y. In.: The " rini"ns C~rfC,~SCU hefC.n ~ sfn(lly thus.:. or Ihe

authhT1i.

u:ucrJ and :lI1n"un..:cm~,nts :lfC ,,,,,·In'lIIc.

All C""mbuli,'ns shnuld md~oJc the ~uth"r"s n~m~

an.J rh,,", lIumhc:, ~ndlhc im~ndr.d dalr "r pU~I'L"· lion. Submil c"py (p~ rcrahly <1" '-h..:i nlnsh .,.5# d, .I); ) I" Ihe T..,h malll><,~ OULI"k SAC "~lm ..\0, 'If

e·mail "'/ilflr,I @lf, h ("(III~' h. ~"Ii. The ruilll" I\:,<crw

mr rij!hl In ed'l and ahmJ~c all 5ul>m;sshln.' ru, h'

("r:IC)", e ~ ,-,:ulcnc)', ric. All ~fl ICJc.< ~rc Ihe pmf'CrI)'

IIr the a Ulh"flo . AUlh"r5 alaJ cnlumn' ,'L' "'!.:.1m all ,n

tdleclual pt\lf'Crty ti~hl'. Artwlc.1 fCce,wd In DI'lIIl'X

r,'ml!d "" ,II he l~uj:hcJ at. Shannon Slc""man ,s •

5!Ul>bmn. 511,1111>"'n ('k'/ Annual ~u h""nplmn> hI n,r L"irf(Jn"" Tr-d. r,\I"

d"mc~uc u("I"t'ry an: i ll! r"r F, rS1 ("las.~ M~.I, S 12

Printed h~ Ne ws·Type Service. Glcml;rJc.

The California Tech

The Outside World by Myfanwy Callahan

W ASHINGTON, D.C. - The DepartmcnI of Defense, State and lustice are to devise a plan tu arrest and try Pol Pot. the Khmer Rouge leader held responsible for the deaths of up to millions o f Cambodi­ans. The Thai Government o ffered to take Pol Pot into custody if the United States would immediately take charge of him and re­move him.

J ERUSALEM, I SH.AEL· The Palestinian group Hamas I.: a 11 cd on Arahs and Mu slims wo rldwide to attack Jewi sh targets in revenge for the death of its chief bomb maker last month. Hamas has blamed Israel for the death although the Palesti nian Authority found it was the result of conflict within the organi zati on.

B ELFAST , NORTHERN IRELAND - The British and Iri sh Prime Mini s­ters met yesterday to work out di sputed issues for a midnight dead­line on the pence agreement. Leaders hope to renegotiate the peace proposals rejected Tuesday for a mutually acceptable agreement.

F REE'rOWN, SIERRA L EONE - Thousands of refugees are Il ee ing rebel attac ks in Sierra Leone and walking to Guinea. Over the 35 mile 'ourney hundreds have died. Already 50.000 Sierra Leoneans are housed in refugee camps in Guinea.

P ORT KLANG, M ALAYSIA - Hundreds of Indones ians are migrating to surroundi ng countries to escape the economic troubles of their own country. Malaysia is sending them bac k in what some call "Operation Get Out", bu t 300 more arrive every day.

J AKARTA, [NDONtCStA - The International Monetary Fund came to a new settlement with Indonesia with new cond itions for the $43 bil­lion worth in aid. The new agreement allows subs idies of food and fuel to continue because of the threat or an anti-government riot shou ld they stop.

Clubwatch! Asian Pacific Student Union­is sponsorin g several events in celebration of Asian Pacific Heri­tage Month . Thursday, April 16, Dr. Alice Hu ang, will be speak­ing at Stee le H ouse at 12prn, RSVP to the Caltech Y, x6 163. Tradit ional dances are scheduled for Apri l 22nd at noon on the San Pasqual Mall and there will be a game night on Saturday April 25th from 7-10 p .m . For more in­fo rmation , please e mai l castroa @caltech.edu.

diversity and ric hness of their culture. They meet freque ntl y to friendship, food, and cultural events. For more information, emai l oasis@cco.

T h e Tot em-will be accepting submissions up to April 30. At that t ime they will be doing pre­liminary submission selections and a bi t of page layout. They have two mai ling lists, one for potention staff and another for potention submissions. Either ca n be joi ned by e m ai li ng Totem@cco.

A.S. {­P/ lnutes

Minutes of the ASCIT BoD Meet­ing. I Apri l 1998

Caltech Environmental Task For ce-i s prepar in g for thi s

GROUPFJVE 6547 N. A'-V Blvd., DepL N

CoIor_ SprInga, co 1Ot18

year's Earth Day Fair on Friday, f--------------------------i

April 24, from II :30am to 2pm . They are current ly coordinating the many organ izat ions they have invited. They pro mi se fo od, music a nd speakers. Those in­terested in he lping should contact Claudine Chen, at millg@cco or

cetfers@ cco.

OASIS-the Organization of the Associated Students fro m the In­dian Sub-continent recently orga­aized a celebration of 'Holi,' the ;JnJian festival of colors. They

now looking forward to In­m ati a na l Day to showcase the

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some administration folks to dis­c uss the van. Tcch isn't going to put money up for a new vehic le or for insuran~c. That Icaves th~ van que s ti o n entire ly in ASC IT's hands. With our current financial s ituation. a new one rnay be o ut of the question. A diahatsu is loo k­ing I ike a more attractive altern a­tive . On an unrelated note. Au­tumn is co nsi dering raising the price of copi es . We could increase revenue but sti ll heat the lib rary price.

Jasmine - Is busy organizing the intcrhousc part y scene for th ird term . She is also going to throw an ASCIT beer drinking and butt­kicking ho-down.

Jaidcep - The IHC Rotation FAQ will be out in May. Lee Reavis is to be replaced by two new admin is trat ors. They will overl ook food se rvice programs and cateri ng independent ly. The food cOlllmittee will he lp in the se­

lectio n process. Jaidcep is look­ing in to getting some phat up IHC business cards.

Devi - I Channeled through Baldeep. } The CLUE program is a lmost done. Dev i is work ing with the Deans on a web-based course feedback form.

Rob - Is applyi ng some o rder to the ASCIT hooks. The expense for having officcr dcbit cards is well worth it and that sys tem will be im plemented soo n.

Mike - The cmbosser has fi­nally arrived. The annual report from las t year is almost dOlle. He is working On a list o f bylaw amendments [hat were discussed a( Capro.

Ba ldeep - "Eats nickels, poops dimes."

Meeting closes at 23:55. The BoD all ocates $1 00 to the

qui z bowl club for their trip. Meeting adjourned at 23:49.

Respectfull y submitted.

D. Astle ASCIT Secretary

MORE ASCIT MII'IiUn :s , PAGE 5

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4 March 6, 1998

IHC Minutes !HC MINUTES 04/02 NEW

IHC MEETI NG ROOM: SAC 33 PRESENT: ALL+ B ALD EEP+STEVE MICHAEL (JUST ATE SOME PRET­ZELS), Lauci us couldn ' t find the new room.

Discussed prefrosh rules (in effect until they accept Caltech, 4/30 then rotation rul es in ef­fect). Decided ( I ) That stating an opinion about any house is OK so long as statement is clearly framed as a personal opinion and (2) That any com­municati on about strategies of ranking houses, future or past picks. or active recruitment for a house is a violation . These are guidelines for Pre-Frosh Week­end. We should be trying to help the Pre-Frosh evaluate Caltech as a whole. It should not be viewed as a chance to recruit new members for a house. (For a more complete guideline, re­fer to your little t, page 286-287)

All of the prefrosh weekend house events were approved: Ultimate frisbee (BI); Tie-dye

party (Da); Casino night (FI); Capture the nag (L1); Magician. Slam-dunk contest (Pa); Large­screen video games (Ri ); Mini­golf (Ru). Will have a meeting with Admissions at Avery this tuesday (417) regarding house conduct during prefrosh week­end .

Facu lty-Student committee nominations are posted on the door of SAC 33 and will be taken down Wednesday April 15 at midnight. Interviews will begin Monday April 20. Com­mittee se lection will be done Friday May I. Just for future reference, IHC will try to find out which committees still need student members . and contact head of those committees. To give new student committee members a start on their job, !HC will try to find a a contact faculty member from each com­mittee. The transfer admissions committee member is chosen at a bad time: right when he is ex­pected to participate in selection. Maybe in future years we can make the selection date for transfer admissions committee

MINUTES earlier.

Maybe we should buff up ARC to same status as BOC, IHC. If we did, lengthy process: write changes - > ASCIT BOD approve ->submit to student body for vote .. . etc. Next year maybe we could transfer some Committee Appointment power to ARC (i.e. academic policies committee, UASH) Think about the idea.

If the Ll oyd-Page di sco challenge is rained out, the chal­l e~ge will be in basketball. Jeremiah wants to know when Ruddock' s up. Find out chal­lenging order from Audrey.

We will do the footwork to get Lee a plaque from all of the students. ASCIT will pay for it. Al so, each house is working on a more personal house gift, to be ready in about a month. Maybe we should be like ASCIT and schedu le a leadership retreat at Capra ranch ... rumor has it there were lots of loose girls for rent.

Tanya Tickel !HC Secretary

For the first question of my column, I thought that I would answer "What is hew

for third term?" The answer is LOTS!

For starters, OInlette day has

been augmented. We have instituted 2 new bars . Along

with omlette day, we will now have wrap day and

sushi day! Wrap day was in­

troduced in Blacker this

past Wednesday and was enjoyed by most everybody.

Look out for it.

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The California Tech

by Dave Tytell

Another addition to the board program thi s term

will be the return of the In N' Out van. We will be or­dering the double van so

hopefully the line won ' t be

as long as last time. We also will have an Olive walk

barbeque dinner as well .

So there is much in the works . As always, if you

have any questions for this

column or about the board

program in general, please email tytell@cco.

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The California Tech

M ORE ASCIT Mll'o'UTES

M inutes of the ASCIT BoD Meeting, 7 April 1998

Present: BoD (minus Devi), Myra Interiano, Wren Mont­gomery

Meeting called to order at 22:04.

Dealing With Guests :Myra - Is here for some ill-defined, possibly party related reason. Jasmine suspects that she is sup­posed to ask for money for an upcoming Dabney party. They want cash for sex toys (whips, chains, Jaideep, etc.). Since this is not a request for the standard interhouse funds, the full BoD will consider the funding re­quest, rather than just Jasmine.

Wren - Wants her money for finishing the Big T. The BoD tells her to go ahead and get the business manager to cut her a check. She's totally sold out. I mean, at first she had real feel­ing. You know, roots stuff. Now she's gone totally commercial. She's just in it for the money and the drugs.

General Business:The Y The Y is thinking about paying to have some sort of VR game thing on campus. They are will­ing to foot half of the $2,200 cost of the six hour event. They are looking for us to fork over the other half. The BoD votes 7-0-0 to not fund this event.

Inventory - The inventory of AS CIT property has not been completed. Rob will take up re­sponsibility for this task. There is some debate over whether Baldeep's soul counts.

Coffeehouse - A f,ormal

agreement over the extent of ASCIT's control and responsi­bility of the coffeehouse needs to be reached. Baldeep and Rob will write something up, slap it on the butt, and send it to third grade.

Tech - Baldeep has trans­formed his "grand vision" article for the Tech into a summary of the results of the Capra Retreat. Look for it soon in a schoo l newspaper near you.

PinsIPatches - Baldeep asks Jaideep to ask Audrey to store the athletic letters and the asso­ciated pins in SAC 33 so we can keep a close eye on them. You can never be too careful around athletic awards. Remember what happened to Ralph? That's not going to happen to me. No way.

Lee Reavis - Jaideep re­quests $100 to get a plaque for Lee Reavis. The BoD votes 7-0-0 in approval.

Phones - The ASCIT exten­sions have been canceled. Only Baldeep's number will be af­fected.

Budget - The Y submitted a funding proposal form after the established deadline. It makes more sense for the Y/ASCIT fi­nancial relationship to work only in one direction. They ask us for funding every year and then we turn around later and ask them to support some of our activities. The BoD votes 6-0-1 (Jaideep abstains) to not fund the Cal tech Y this fiscal year. Because of a miscommunication, no represen­tative from Faceplant was able to attend the budget meeting. It was decided at the meeting not

MINUTES to allocate any money to Faceplant. The BoD agrees that this new information does not warrant changing the previous decision. Rob moves that the new budget be approved as writ­ten. Steve seconds. The BoD votes 7-0-0 to approve the bud­get. Everyone celebrates by jab­bing out his left eye.

Big T - The editor and busi­ness manager of the 98-99 book still need to be appointed. Inter­ested individuals can nominate themselves by signing up on the door of SAC 33.

Sailboats - Old records in­dicate that ASCIT owned some sai lboats that were left in the care of the Sailing Club. If someone is so inclined, he can look into what happened to the ASCIT Ar­mada.

Officer Reports Steve - The BoD will eat in Page on a date selected by Steve.

Autumn - Has caught a nasty case of dihatsu fever. She talked to physical plant and pur­chasing about the spectrum of electric vehicle options at our disposal. After selling the van, ASCIT will have about $5000 available for getting a vehicle. She needs to get some informa­tion about maintenance costs, but everything is looking good. Jas­mine looked at some information about golf carts but doesn't have any numbers. Autumn moves that the BoD sell the old ASCIT van as it is completely useless to us. Rob seconds, and the mea­sure passes 6-0-1 (Mike ab­stains). Autumn may be able to get a sales representati ve to come to Tech and give us a demonstra-

tion of the available dihatsu models. I feel a demolition derby coming on. Autumn moves that the BoD should raise the price of copies on the AS CIT copier from 6.5 to 7 cents. J aideep sec­onds. This increase will gener­ate more revenue and still keep the cost of copies less than what you can get anywhere on cam­pus. The BoD votes 6-0-1 (Mike abstains) to pass this measure.

Jasmine - Blacker is having a big party or something. J:hey will make use of the ASCIT lights. Residence Life sponsored Social Team training was today. Kim is interested in organizing a social event with some other sc hool. There will be early morning donuts next Thursday so the prefrosh can get a taste of mob violence and gluttonous excess - Caltech style (you don ' t love me).

Jaideep - Is up to his neck in Prefrosh Weekend. The ad­missions people are very pleased with the prefrosh committee. The !HC may make this a per­manent institution by adding it to their documents. There was a meeting today of the!HC and the admissions folks. Admissions wants us to keep the prefrosh on campus if possible. The!HC will be going over the Rotation rules and their application to Prefrosh Weekend in their next meeting. More information about the Big Tof ancient lore is coming to light. Details coming soon to a hillside near you.

Rob - Still working on a da­tabase to store ASCIT's financial data. Working on getting the dues check for this term. Alan,

." CIO

LI BRARIAN

INTERFACE DESIGNER

PRESERVATIONIST

WEBMASTER ...

RENOWN E D FACULTY

ENGAG ED IN THE WORLD

LE·-. OING· EOGE RES EARCH

MULTIDISCIPLINARY LEARNING

March 6, 199 5 Baldeep, and Rob need to get to­gether and go to the bank to change over signing power on our accounts. The publications seem to be on stable financial footing.

Mike - A new roster wi II be out soon. The budget is done. It is available on the web and will be published in the Tech. Work­ing on a big li st of proposed by­law amendments and a list of ra­tionales for the decisions made during the budget meeting.

Alan - Has a meeting with Kim on Thursday to discuss is­sues of BoClRes Life jurisdic­tion. There is concern that some issues are bypassing BoC con­sideration altogether when they are passed straight to the Res Life office. The BoC web pages will be updated soon.

Baldeep - Meeting with the Deans on Tuesday, Dr. Brennen on Wednesday, and the Alumni Association on Friday. Every­one on the BoD is listed as a con­tact person for prefrosh who have questions about ASCIT. Baldeep is listed as a contact person for prefrosh who have questions about gettin' some good lovin ' at Caltech. Work­ing with Puneet on the coffee­house profitability study. In days gone by, the ASCIT President flew around the country to ad­vertise for Tech. Whatever.

Meeting adjourned at 23:30.

Respectfully submitted,

Mike D. Astle ASCIT Secretary

The

Information

Age

Is Here.

Lead It.

School of Infonnation

University of Michigan

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734.763.2285 0 ~

6 April 10, 1998 COMICS

The California Tech

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The California Tech

My head is spinning; there is too much going on . Hey you guys, I know it is springtime. but please rein in your horses. COl. there is too much going on I I just fini shed look­ing at overload petitions. Wo w! all those people with GPAs around 4 who need to take 80 units or the ir lives will not be worth living. Well pot 80 units, maybe just65 , but you

get the navor of the argument. They write "this is my only chance to take this course, as Prof. S. will be away next year study ing snow con­ditions on Mt Kilimanjaro," or " I need this course as a prerequisite far my SURF and TURF projects." "Let me do it, because if you don ' t, I'll do it anyway, forget the grades l" Sometimes it seems that an over­load penni ssion is just the macha! macho ("??I) thing to do. But then

of course I come to my senses and Ihe realization that this is just a re­flecti on of the kind of place we are, where hard work, even if not de­

manded , is the acceptcd way to have things.

We often talk about the Profs who open the vanes wide, but we also have the students who will-

DEAN

Dean's Corner Overloads and Overloads

by Jean-Paul Revel

ingly stand in the middle of the tlood. Without

that excitement it would not be a challenge, it would not be fun, it mi ght not even be worth being a Tec he r. Or is that so? Can it be ar­gued that the more courses onc takes. the more oi verse the mix of topics being ingcsted at onc timc, the be ller? More is not always bet­ter. Allempting too much prevents

one from spending the time needed to really ass imilate the mate ri al. The more courses one takes at once, the less time one has to spend and the less deep our understanding of any one topic. I have heard many

times, from many students that , "well [ don ' t really have to work

forthe course, it is PIF. My shadow grades last tenn were not so great,

but that does not make any differ­ence , does it? All I needed was to stay out of the F range, out of the lower fringe. "

That brings up the ques tion of what a course is for. Is it really some silly ritual that has to be dealt with since you are in College or is it a chanc-",e to learn about something new or deepen your understanding of particular topics? Is a course re­ally only a means of garnering units? [s going to school only some-

that has thing to be

donc in order eventually to get out? A kind of growing up ritual, akin to killing a lion bare handcd to prove one's mettle? Then why bother coming to Tech? You cou ld have a much easier time reaping your crop of courses by going to Podunk U. Why bother overload­ing unless, of course, it is lO get out of here faster? Having the chance to concentrate on one topic and giv­ing yourself the time to think decply about it will be more fruitful than dilellantishly tluttering to too many of the blooms which are opening in Caltech 's gardens of the mind. There are times when overloading

is the only way out. But hey' Un­less truly and absolutely necessary, rein in those ardors and be ready to spend more time on fewer things.

Another topic that has been of concern to me, has been how diffi­cu lt it is to tread the line between private and public matters. There are so many instances where there are conflicting interests. 1l does not feel reasonable to refuse to di scuss a given student's problem with their concerned parents, but so we must, unless we havc specific pennission. There are many ot her instances where the best interests of the op­posing parties seem to balance out. We pride ourselves in our Honor Code and well we should. Learn­

ing to li ve with the code turns out

for many students to be one o f their great experiences at Tech. Know­ing that others will behave likewise empowers one to share and coop­c rate and develop a sense of open­ness that one wi shes could be had everywhere. It is a wonderful op­

portunity to learn to li ve in an en­vironment that is free and accept­ing and is conducive to immerse oneself into the adventures of the mind, rather than the daily compe­tit ion as there is o utside the Insti­tute.

But there arc problems with that. One that I feel acute ly is how to deal with the few people who come afoul of the Honor Code. Greal pains are taken by the Bo ard of Control to avoid exposure of the people involved. In some instances, however, as part of a Protection De­cision, I must ask the student to leave for a period of time, or re­scind grades, or whatever and do this without tipping anyone offl Some other times there areeonOict­ing interests such as first amend­mem rights and the right to privacy. It can be very hard to deci de how to do things. The good of the ma­jori ty has to be weighed against the rights of the individual, the needs of one person against the curiosity of the many. And sometimes there are more than two sides to each story, more than two ways to look at things and it may become im­possib le to sol ve a problem to everyone's sat isfaction. A ll the choices may have unpleasant con­sequences.

To take examples away from Caltech consider national news and all the talk about possible inappro­priate beha v io r by President

March 6, 199 7 Cl inton. Do I rea lly care to know about his alleged sexual escapades? Is it important for everyone to be exposed to as yet unproved accu­sations, especially when they could we ll be politi cally moti vated? [n

many ways I wou ld say no, but then

I am not so sure. Consider the revelations in a

previous case, tha t o ne about Clarence Thomas, who was being considered for appointment to the US Supreme Court and was ac­cused by previous employees of making sexual advances. Whether

these accusations were based on true inc idents or not, was never re­solved . However the fact that ac­cusations were lodged did much to

raise our consciousness about the problems of re lat ions between boss and employee. So, true or not, these revelations have led us to appreci­ate a problem which had not been as emphasized before . Can the sub­ordinate complain or take other ac­tion against the Lord and Master witho ut risk of reprisal? Can the Boss make what is thought to be an innocent compliment , without being imagined to be too forward? Can the boss make inappropriate comments and hide them under the gu ise of humor? W hat arc the rules about interactions between Profs and students, Upperc lass students and Frosh etc? Hey you, my head is spinning, take it easy, behave how I would, would you, like that,

no problem? In the words of the Sage; "Be

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8 March 6, 1998

Announcements

* All students interested in serving on a Faculty-student committee next year should nominate themselves by April J 5th at midnight. Signups are on the door of SAC 33. More information regarding committees is on pages 49· 5 I of the lillie t.

* The non-profit, Caitechl}PL Flying Club. which provides low-cost , high­reliabi lity aircraft rental, instruction, and insurance to members , has just ex­panded its fl eet. Rates range from $38-$87/hour. depending on the ai rcraft . Callech student s gel a di scount on the monthly dues. More information can be accessed at hlll':I1 www.cco.cafrech.edu/-aacir,or bycall­ing Peter Gluck at (8 I 8)354-9425. General memberShip meetings are held semi-annually; the next one will be on April 22nd at 7:30 p.m. in 269 Lauritsen.

Caltech 's spring term Guitar C lasses begin April 7th and run on Tuesdays. The begi nning class is from 4: 30-5: 30 p.m., the intermediate class from 3:00-4:00 p.m .. and the advanced class from 5: 30-6:30 p.m. All classes are held in SAC I , and are taught by Darryl Den­ning. For more information. contact ei­ther ddelllling@cco or call (2 13)465-0881.

The Prefrosh are coming next week­end ! The Prefrosh arc coming next weekend ! Prefrosh Weekend 1998 will bc held from April 16-19, 1998. If you have comme nts o r suggestions for Prefrosh Weekend , or your club or or­gani zation would like to be invo lved with Pre frosh Weekend ac ti v iti es, please cont ac t Din a Figueroa at dilla @admiJJiotls.

Free anonymous "IV testing. using an oral HIV anti body tcst , is available each Monday eveni ng from 6:30-9:30 p.m. at the AIDS Service Center, 1030 S. Arroyo Parkway in Pasadena. Per­sons wishing to be tested may make an appointment by calling (888)488-9242. Walk-i ns arc also accepted. Both pre­and post -test counse ling is provided, and results will be given the following Monday.

T he Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Discus­sion Group Looking for a safe and sup­portive place to di scuss issues such as coming out , be ing out, dealing with famil y, coping with a homophobic cul­ture, and being GLB at Ca lt ech? We invite you to the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Discussion group. which meets on the first and third Tuesdays of each month from 7:30 p.m. until 10 p.m. in the

c Health Center lounge. This is a confi ­dential meeting and does not imply any­thing about a person 's sexual orienta­tion-only that slhe is willing to be sup­portive in this setting. The group usu­all y discusses a particular relevanllopic and then moves on to the general dis­cussion. Refreshments will be served. If you would like more information. please call x8331.

Events

Caltech is sponsoring a two-day blood drive. being held in Dabney Lounge on April 9th and J Oth. Appointmenl times on the 9th are between 12: 15 and 5:30 p.m., and on the 10th from 9: 15 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Pl ease con tact Vilia Zmu idzinas, ei ther at Vi I ia. Zmuidzinos@caltech.edu or x 600 I for an appointment. Walk-ins are also welcome.

* Next week is International Week. For specific events . sec related article. or look for signs around campus.

The Distinguished Speaker Series o f Southern California is moving into ils second season. The events will be held at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium o n five remaining dates, at 8 p.m .. Maya Angelou will be speak ing on May 13th, and Mark Victor Hansen o n June 10th. For more in formation, contact (800) 508-9301.

For mosl Caltecll evellts listed,further information ean be oblained by call­ing 395-4652 or (888) 2-CALTECH, or through the Calfeeh website. http:// www.caltech.edu.

Fellowships and

Scholarships

* There will be an informationa l meet­ing on the Marshall, Fulbright, Rhodes, Churchill, and Luce Fellow­ships for juniors and "earl y bird" sophomores on April 22. 1998. Former fellowship winners will speak , and the re will be some spec ial handouts provided. Lunc h will be served. Please RSVPtofellowshil's@caftech.edll. The

kirirtg Ortdergradoates/ }Jeeda

refreshing break from

school? ComeWfl"k

at the ned Door ...

,.;#!.

Hours: 7:30am to 6:00pm

Monday - Friday

See Kate (Manager)

for details :) ore·mail kate@cco

Mints * denotes a new announcement.

meeling will take place al noon in Chan­dler Private Dining Room (room in Chandler next to the Red Door Cafe -enter through Chandler). Questions can be directed to x21S0, or to !the Fellow­ships Advising and Resources office in SAC 25. FAR

The National Institutes of Health 's Undergraduate Scholarship Program (UGSP) is pleased to announce the avaitab ility of up to 15 competitive scholarships 10 SUPPOI1lOp undergradu­ate student s who arc committed to pur­sue ca ree rs in biomedical research. Awards are up to $20,000 per year. To qualify, a student must be a U.S. citi­zen, national or permanent resident, be enrolled in or accepted by an accred­ited undergraduate institution. and carry a GPA of 3.5 or better or be in the top 5% ofhislher class. In addition, the ap­plicant must demonstrate extreme eco­nomic need or come from a disadvan­taged background. For e.ach year of scholarship, the student wiU fulfill a 10-week summer researchlmc'ntoring pro­gram and after graduat ion, fulfill one year of full-time employment, both al

NIH in Bethesda, Maryland. UFA

Working or studying in New York City this summer? Educational Housing is a non· profit group that he'lps stu dents locate safe, reasonably priced New York hous ing. Fo r more 'info, visit www.studellthollsing.org FAR

Work in Britain this summer or nex t fall: The British Univers ities North America Club (BUNAC) offers a spe­tial student work permit fOlr $225, valid for 6 months. allowing U.S. ci ti zens who arc at least 18 years of age to le­gally work in Britain at any lime of the year. Jobs can be prearranged, or stu­dents can just go to Britain :and find jobs (most studen ts find work wi thin a week of arrival). BUNAC's plrogram also provides participants with a helpful manual and ajob hunting center in Lon­don. BUNACcan also prearrange your first 3 nights of lodging in London. App li cations and further information are availab le in FelJowshilPs Advising. Visit BUNAC's Work in Brita in s ite at h11p:!lwww.BUNACorg. FAR

The Coalition or Higherr Education Assistance Org:anizations (COHEAO) is pleased to present the opportunity for six individual scholar­sh ips for the 1998·99 academic year. T here will be three (3) $1 ~OOO scholar­ships, and three (3) $500 scho larship awards granted. Appli c3ln ts must: I)

complete and retun!l th e 1998 COHEAO Scholarship, application, 2) be attending, or plan to cnroll as an undergraduate or graduate student in a COHEAO member insti tution, 3) Include a 300-word e ssay on ''The COHEAO scholarshi p will he lp me .. .", 4) Include two 31cademic ref­erence lette rs and an origin al transcript(s). and 5) meet the appli­cation deadline. Appl ications arc available at www. cohealO.eom, or at the Financial Aid Offic e. Appli ca­tions must be received no later than Apri l 15, 1998. UFA

The Asian Pacific Am~rican Asso-

) dation for Advancement, Inc. (4A) has launched its second annual4A San Fran­cisco Bay Area Scholarship Program. Three $1,000 scholarships will be awarded . All AsianlPacific students en­ro lled in a fulJ-time undergraduate or graduate co llege o r university in the United States are eligible 10 apply. Can­didates must be U.S. citizens or have pennanent resident status in the U.S. and have the San Francisco Bay Area as their permanent home address. AT&T, Lu­cen! Technologies, and NCR employees and their ch ildl en are inel igi ble to par­ticipate. Prior award recipients an"ajso not eligible. Candidates will be evalu­ated based on their scholastic dis(.'ipl ine. personal achievement, and communit y involvement. Applications are available in the Financial Aid Office. Applica­tions must be received on or before April 15, 1998. UFA

A travel grant equal to the cost of a round-trip ticket between the U.S. and Sweden is available to wOlllen students who arc 18 or older and U.S. ci ti zens who wish to do study or research in Sweden. There is an April 15. 1998 deadline. FAR

Scholarship applicatio ns for 1998-99 are now ava ilable th rough the J ewish Vo­cational Service (JVS) and the Jew­ish Community Foundation . Thc funds are intended to provide a limited amount of financial aid for needy col­lege st udents who arc legal and perma­nent residents of Los Angeles County. Scholarships are not available to co llege freshmen. A minimum 2.5 GPA is re­quired. Applications can be obtained until March 1,1998 from: Jewish Voca­tional Service, 5700 Wi lshire Blvd .• 2nd Floor, Los Angeles, CA 90036. Dead­line for submission of completed appli­cations is April 15, 1998.

The American Electroplaters and Sur­face Finishers Society is offering schol­arships to undergraduate juniors and se­nio rs and graduate students who are in­terested in careers in the e lect roplating and surface fini sh ing industry. Under­graduates must be full~ time and must be majoring in meta llurgy, mCUlJ lurg icaJ engineering, materials science or engi­neering , chemistry, chemical engincer­ing. or environmental engineering. Ap­plications mus' be submitted by April 15 , 1998. UFA

The Literature Faculty is pleased to an­nounce the first Annual Hallett Smith Competition, honoring the fi nest essay devoted to Shakespeare. Onl y full­time, officiall y registered undergradu­ates are elig ible to enter the competition. All submi ss ions must be typed and double spaced, and should not exceed 4.000 words. The essay may be one pre­pared for a humanities class, or may be specifically wrillen for this competiti on. No student can submit more than one essay. All contestan ts must submit their work to Professor Jenijoy LaBelle, Di­vision of the Humanities and Social Sci­ences, 101-40, no later than April 23. 1998. This year 's prize will be approxi­mately $300, though the judging com­millee may divide the award in case of more than one outstanding submission. For more infermatio n , contact Prof.

THE CALlFORNIAllCH Cal tech 40-58

Pasadena, CA 91125

The California Tech

LaBelle. x3605. or Barbara Estrada, x3609.

The John Gyles Education Fund of­fers financial assistance to full- time s tudents in Canada and the United States. Full Canadian o r American citi­zenship is required. Awards are avail· able for all areas of post~secondary study. A minimum 2.7 GPA is reo quired. Crileria other than academic ability and financial need are consid_ ered in the seJeclion process. Selected students wil l receive up 10 $3,000. To receive an application. please send a stamped , self-addressed . standard let­ter size (No. 10) envelope to: The John Gyles Educati on Fund, Attention: R. James Cougle, Administrator, P.o. Box 4 808, 712 Ri vers id e Drive. Fredericton , New Brunswick. Canada E38SG4. Fi li ng dates for mailing ap­plications in 1998 arc Ju ne 1st and November 15th. UFA

* The 1998 BFGoodrich Collegiate Inventors Program (BFG-CIP) is seeking entri es for this year's chal­lenge. The program recognizes and rewards full·time(.·ollegc students (un­

dergraduate, graduate. and posldocs) and faculty whose innovations. discov­er ies and research arc deemed Ihe year's most outstanding. Up to six stu­dent/advisor learns are awarded cash prizes totaling up to $42.(XX). Students may enter as individuals o r teams. The in vention , idea or process submitted must be an original idea and the work of a student or team with hi s or her adviso r. Therc is a June 2. 1998 dead · line. For more information , call (330)8 49 -688 7 or e-mail pkwu.:e@invent.org. Applications are available o n the web at hl1p:// WIV IV. in vellt. orglh fglb fg hOIn e .111111 I.

FAR

The J ewish Family and Children's Services offers financial support for Jewish ind ividuals and their families. Individuals may apply for up to $5.000. Special scholarships are available for study in Israel. Eligib le students must have fin ancial need , have at least a 3.0 GPA ., and be residents of San Fran­cisco, the Peninsula, Marin or Sonoma counties, o r the Bay Area. There are no deadlines-appl ications are ac ­cep ted thro ughou t the year and are avai lab le in the Financia l Aid Office.

UFA

For in/ormation Oil the listedfellow­ships, assistance with essays, or clari­fication of questiorlS, contllcl:

FAR - The Fellowships Advising and Resources Office. For information, pleaJ'e conlacl lau rcn_stol per@starbase l .caltech.edu. To make an appoil/lment, calf x2 J 50.

UFA - The Undergraduate Financial Aid Office, For informatiun. call x6280, or SlOp

by 5 J 5 S. Wilson for ali appoilllmen t.

To submil an event for the Mints, con­tact mints@tech.caltech.edu or Mail Code 040-058 by noon on Ihe Monday prior 10 its inclusion. SubmiHiolls mus/ be brief alld concise, and the edi· ton reserve the right to edit and abridge all material.

THE I NS II)E WORLD

Another brick in the , ,

walt~ • ••

,.

, . ·Ii.... o:,~

""-..v<lu'''''';

This ' I'o /,,/ertiil "ieill re q( Jas{J/1 Weiner seellled In pnssess al/ suhmissiolls \I 'e,-e ({boul.

Caltech la P/wl1e Rings

He ll o. Yeah, that 's me. Oh , yeah . I was at your

tab le on Career Day. Yea h, I gave you guys a re­

sume. Are you ca llin g to sc hed­ule an interview ?

S ... ure. I've never done a

here .. . P latforms" We ll. a few. We

make sure they' re fair ly stab le , thoug h. so' s they don't c rash ; you wouldn ' t be lieve how frail some eunuchs-

Max " OK, th is is a joke, ri ght ? How did you- ? Did somebody te ll you ... ?

3 Ricketts' Trial of the Wheel

Last week. Ken neth Kuo per­petrated the most heinous crime of abductin g Ri cketts' sacred "Whee l of Pai n" not once . but twice. Upon hearing the news­which appare ntl y t rav e lled slower than a bulldozer-Mike Astle. president of Ric ketts . took

House. Not comply in g with the Ricke tt s request would have led to a bitter Hovse war.

Not lacking manners. Ricketts H ov se also sent a po lite personal inv ita ti on LO Mr. Kuo for an evening of fin e dini ng in Ricketts din ing hall. Convinced

swift action to address the issue by the overwhelming 'reques(

with hi s counterpart in the Ru d­dock empire, Je remiah Sm ith .

A form al letter of ext radition was sent to the head of Ruddock House. requesting the appearance of Mr. Ke nneth Kuo before the Hovse of Ric ke tts. Sending Mr. Kuo wou ld affirm the statement that Mr. Kuo was just a ' lone gun­man' and hi s act ions were in no way affiliated wit h Rudd oc k

for his appearance. M r. Ku o ar­rived in Ricketts courtyard alone.

minutes before dinner. After a ni ce Ri c kett s-sty le

di nner. Mr. Kuo had to face the Ricketts Grand Inqui s it ion. Af­ter hearing ou t suggesti ons of "deat h by masturbati on" and the like, the Ricketts officers e lected to be more lenient. gracious even .

Hovse president Mike Ast le then handed the preced ings over to secretary Ish naferits li who read the fo ll owing decree: "Yes. we are honored to have Kenneth here a t di nner tonight, because several of li S were thinking how elver he was to get away with stealing our

Caltech lOOOc

You wi ll be Assimilated I E-9 units (yes . it s unde r united. Get used to il. ) : pre-first te rm onl y. Pre requi sites: Extre me in ­telligence. Extreme fooli shness. Permi ss ion of Admi ss ions. Course w ill facilitat e smoo th incorporation in to the Ca l tech communi ty along w ith corre­spond ing w ithdrawl fro m rea l­ity. In s tru c tion s wi ll be im ­planted ill ihe subconsc ious slich that stud e nt s ha ve an in ex pli ­cable urge to work for weeks 0 11

end, without intcrmption. Sub­

jecl may begin hearing ·'v?ices". Cere bra l c he mi st ry will be a l­tered to fac ilitate this new sched­ul e. as well as increase e ffi­ciency, suc h that 37 ho urs o f prob le l11 se t s ma y be CO I11 -

pressed into only 29 hours dail y. Compl ai nt renex w ill bc modi ­fi ed to enhance whini ng and apath y wh ile minimizing allY actu al action. Side efkcts may include interupti on or elim ina­

lion or sleep patterns and re­

duced ve rbal skills. Some sub­jects have experienced extre me

ave r~ i on to su nlight andlor so­

cial interact ion. Th is phase to be su ppl emented in su bseq uent

terms wit h ~pec ial Caltech Food Services di el. Final phase be­fore re lease into the community

will inc lude imp lant ation o f a small microtransmitter at the

base of the nec k . T h is dev ice 'Ni ll cali se sensat ions ofextrcme

pain a nd guilt if an y effort is

The "new, impmved" Wh eel of Pain

Rebabi litati o n and Reentry into Society Units: infini te: third term , se niors only . Prcrequi ­

sites: four years or brainwa sh­

ing and tech nical indoctrination.

Some hope of actuall y lea,·ing . Course wi II prcpare SlllLienh to reenter soc iety afte r 4 (or :) or 6

or 7 o r. .. ) years at Ca ltec h. to e nsure that th ey do not cause injury to the mselves or o the rs, and to absolve the Institute of a ll responsibilit y for such "inc i­de nt s." Co urse w i II take the form of mini-seminars. Top ics may inc lude " Party ing without Co nstruct ion," "Eth an o l: Not Ju s t a Co n ve ni e nt Solven t,"

" Breaking up w ith Tommy (I and II)," "Out of the Tunne ls:

to leave ca mpu s bound -

ion : You onl y thought it on Catalina Is land . Instruc­

Staff

phone interview before ...

Hobbies? We ll , I don' t re­member whic h ones- some of my hobbies are a little on the odd side.

Hu h? Are you sure" 'Cause I really don ' t re me mber men­tioning anyth ing like that.

No' No, it is the truth ; I do ha ve some experience w ith eu­nuc hs, but I reall y don ' t see how that 's applicab le .. .

I mean, I am at 'Tech - one run s into that sort of thing, es­peciall y in Ri c ketts House. But thi s can ' t be re levant to the job. I'd really surpri sed if it were .

In qu ite a few places , ac tu­all y. It's more or less an institu­ti on among th e lo nelier guys

We ll , it was a prell)' good guess. Is your company some­how affi li ated with Max?

That seems really pe rsonal, you know. I have had some ex ­pe rie nce wi th Max , but I really d o n ' t und e rs tand how that matt-

Well , quite a while back . To te ll the truth, I haven ' t reall y been assoc- now th at I think of it , I messed around with ' imjust a couple of weeks ago. I th in k it was at Apache ...

Apache? Oh , that 's just a pa rty we have every yea r ...

Not that stran ge. Actually, a ll of our parties revo lve around eunuchs.

Paid ? We ll , it a lways

seemed so much fu n for every­o ne in vo lved , payme nt never came up.

Types o f j obs? W hoa­that's a little graphi c, dontc ha' think?

G raph ic sa mpl es? We ll , the re' re probab ly so me on the House website.

Done on SGJ? Yeah, I heard th a t 's so me g reat s tuff, but I can' t get th at kinda money ...

Sure , you cou ld say I prefer Max.

Eunu c hs o n Max? We ll , there was that one time-Hey, wai t a minute' Just w hat kind of "position" are you hiring for? Are you some kind of s icko, or what? Click.

Novel New Modes ofTranspor­tation" and " Wide, Wide Wo rld of Footwear." C lass w ill include severa l fi e ld trips to suc h exot ic locations as Colorado Bl vd. Lab component inc ludes "Members o f th e Oppos ite Sex: Correct Ide ntification and In itial Ap­proac h. " Instructor: Cou rse to be post­poned indefinite ly unti l a qual i­fied staff member is located.

REAL HOVSENEWS

RICKETTS

Wheel of Pai n twice. without our even noticing. And ~o to :-;how

our admiralion . we \Vere consid­ering '()~Hlillg him Iht; Wheel of Puin (since he seemed to have in­terest in owning it) . except for

Page House Events Lakers .vs. Phoeni x (Sunday.

Friday. 10 Ap ri l) King s .vs. Co lo rado Ava­

lan c he (Saturday. I I Apri l)

Easter Egg hunt! Easte r Egg dye (S unday, 12 April)

Prefros h Wee kend: Mag i­c ian in Page Dinin g Hall (He 's good !) (Friday, 17 April , 9-1 Opm )

Slam Dunk Contest in Page Courtyard (S aturday, 18 April , 2-4 )

Angels .vs. Chicago W hite Sox (Friday, I May)

Page Third Term Party (Sat­urday, 2 May)

one th ing: we weren't sure that

he would know how to lise it properly. In light of thi s. we shall now demonstrate the exact lISC

for the Wheel of Pain." At this point. a 'upoated'

Wheel fo Pain was fl'vealed. 111 demonstrarion it was spun and as if by miracle. landed on 'Three More Spins,' Continuing v·/ ith the ex ampl e. the wheel \vas spun thrice more.

The firsl landing on " Rudds named Kennet h and/or Kuo," so dear Mr. Kuo was annointed with a pitcher of cold water by tile du­tiful Ricketts waiting staff. The next was "Kenneth Kuo with powerade." and Mr. Kuo was bapti zed wit h the neon blue liq­uid ' beverage.' The thi rd stopped at " Kenneth Starr. fa iling th at , Ken neth Kuo," and Me. Kuo was once again rin sed with water. this time vegetables and various other foodst uffs incl uded.

As a final cere mo ny. Mr. Ast le dumped his ow n specia l blend of Wednesday night's din­ner and ice on Mr. Kuo. Me. Kuo was then rinsed with cold wate r and sent on his way.

News from Blacker Of Poleaxs and Movies

The Blacker Hayse Secre­ta ry will be pu rchasing a poleax to fa cilitate ~ II furt her Hovse roomp ic ks. He ' s in 4 1. so Carreira. watch out.

The ASC1T mov ie this week is OlfliJreak, Remember to yell "Foc lI s ' " If you yell loudl y enough, they mi ght eve n show the ASClT sho rt. Heh.

Saturday th ere is a party. Half the Hovse think s it sucks. The other hal f doesn ' t. See the fl yer below.

The good news is that flam e ra te appears to have dropped, Ricketts and Dabney may have taken up the slac k,

There were no scandals thi s week in the Big T. Thank you, Mr, Straus,

News from our Corp.~ . Donuts, Pre/rosh, and the Formal

ASC JT has seve ral soc ial activ ities comin g up.

ASCIT Doughnuts ASCJT S U DDs on the Olive Wa lk , Th ursday Night/Friday Morni ng of Prefrosh Weekend at I AM,

ASCIT Prefrosh Party: ASCIT Pret'rosh Part y, Da bney H a ll , Satu rday of Prefros h Wee kend, 9pm-2am. We ha ve p la nn e d D.J.'s Rik a nd Chri stoph spinning up a mi x of tec hn o, hOll se, and industri al. Although there were grand plans for a MOSH pit, regul ati ons on constructi on in Dabney Hall pre­vent thi s.

ASCIT Formal: Th e ASCIT Formal will be he ld at th e Wyndh a m H o te l III

Monrovia thi s year, on May 22.

Signups will go lip in the houses and Avery in May,

ASC IT Spring Pa r ty As Jasmi ne has pro mised earlier, there wil l be an ASCIT-spon­sored Spring Party this tenn. The date is sti ll up in air.

In the past, the Soci a l Bud· get has allocated S 150 per hOllse per term for interhouse events. Th anks to Jas mine, the all new Social Budget has increa>ed th is to $200 per house pe r te rm. So, keep throw ing those whopp ing soc ial events and pick up your c hecks'

A nd do n ' t fo rget. the ASCIT party lights and fog machine are available for rental. Contact sekanina@ ugcs for ser­vIces.

UNLEASHED: rooms hours

Jungle & Trance Nym !Mike D 1 0: 36ulina Taylor (acid jazzltrip hop) (techno/trance) (hardcore/trance core)

9 pl'E.rminus (goa/hard trance)

Kai 2 atlqido (jungle) (hi nrg techno)

Tom 10 m Zo01 :3 hee-o (live band) (junge/breaks) (nu-energy/melodic trance)

Blacker SAC Entrance 8pm - 3am

TOMORROW