The Breathtaking Hello

The Breathtaking Hello

Everyone wants to know whats the FIRST thing I should say to her? Well, thats what were going to cover here. You cant move things forward if you dont have her attention. Unless, of course, you can convince the owner of the bar to play a mix of music with embedded subliminal commands. But thats just plain creepy. And I dont want you to be creepy I want you to be bold.

Lets talk about what my goals are not when Im opening a conversation:making her like me, trying to win her approval, avoiding rejection, being too nice Sensing a trend? Im not trying to be a jerk, but a girl may think Im a butthead which is somewhere on that fine line between confidence and arrogance and has a lot to do with being bold and having fun. As Fifty Cent once said, a bold act creates its own favorable circumstances.

One of the great fears which leads to approach anxiety is that a man is not worthy of a womans attention that once he has it, hes going to mess things up. Part of this is that he doesnt think that he himself deserves the womans attention (and that issue is outside of the scope of this program see Unbreakable for that). The other part is that he doesnt trust his skills. Itd be like asking a total wimp to be the Sheriff of a tough town in the Old West. If he didnt trust himself with a gun, itd hardly be fair to ask him to participate in a shoot-off at high noon.

The good news for you is that the stakes arent nearly as high. The bad news is that, while were not in the Old West and no one is challenging you to a duel, you DO have to approach girls at some point in your life unless you wish to remain totally celibate.

Getting back to the point at hand, youve got to be OK with having a womans attention on you. ALL of it. Youve got to be OK with her evaluating you and feeling out your vibe. Youve got to be OK with her giving you a cold shoulder maybe to be a bit of a challenge, maybe for real. You have to be OK with the fact that you might screw it up and fumble even with that girl youve had your eye on for awhile. Youve got to be OK with the fact that she could be really boring (it happens more often than you think). And youve got to be OK with the scariest thing of all the possibility that she might actually think youre fun/cute/charming and that she would want to keep talking to you!

If you cant be OK with these things, youll find it mighty hard to approach women. In fact, a surefire way to tell the difference between a guy who is experienced, and a guy who is just blowing hot air, is how much the guy thinks he can control the outcome of the interaction. The pros have approached enough women to know that they have little control over the outcome, and theyre OK with whatever comes their way.

Another distinguishing trait of pros is that they relish the excitement of having the attention thrown on them. Some think of it as a game, some as a competition, and others just really like women and to let their killer instinct out. In any case, the spotlight of a womans attention brings out their best (if this is something you struggle with, the topic was covered extensively in Say Hello Course 1 please revisit for a refresher, or upgrade your order if necessary).

There are a lot of ways to capture a womans attention. You can ask them a question, or join the conversation, introducing a new topic. You can make a personal statement (like a compliment), a personal observation, or ask a personal question. You can start hitting emotional buttons right away with your body language, your facial mannerisms, and certainly your words.

And as a reminder the more emotion you create, the quicker youll have to be. You cant do/say one thing that creates a huge emotional spike, then return to being timid. Emotions are like waves. Dont just lap at the sandy shores of her attention create something thats fun to surf. And if you happen to create a Tsunami, you better be a good swimmer, son. Lets get into the material and see how it all plays out.

THE BOMBING OPENER

My girlfriend hates this one probably because she does not like to think of me as a crass human being. But since Ive been using it for so long to great effect, and since this is the Tsunami of opening lines, Id be remiss to not share it with you.

The whole point of the bombing opener is to give you something that shocks a woman and possibly offends her sensibilities. Note that thats different from personally offending her I dont want you getting slapped. No, the response to this one should be a look of shock, like is he actually saying this right now? To keep with the water metaphors, starting your conversation with a bombing opener is like jumping into a pool of cold water it forces you to warm up quickly, rather than getting in slowly.

And it is FUN when you do it with your boys. It becomes a challenge to see who can come up with the most ridiculous opener, who gets the funniest responses from the women, and who can actually turn it around and make the conversation work.

A bombing opener has never failed to get my night started right. Its fun, its bold, and it gets your blood moving.

Opener 1: Hey ladies, listen my girlfriend is out of town this weekend and, well I was wondering if youd be down for a threesome.Opener 2:Hey girls, Ive got a question. I I mean, my friend, was wondering if size really matters. Because I, I mean my friend has been really afraid to get intimate with a woman because I.. uhy, he is so small.What Comes Next: A million things can happen. Girls might look at you with disgust, but more likely theyll respond with something to the effect of what did you just say? In the first example, you could push it further and say I mean, I could see it the moment I approached you two what a crush you have on each other, so if anything Im just trying to help you two live out the secret that neither of you wants to admit to. Trust me, thatll get a kick out of that one.

Once youve had a little bit of fun, you can back off and say hey Im just teasing you guys are good sports, whats your names? But you never know what the girls are going to do with this one Ive seen girls kiss each other, Ive had them challenge me in a fun way (ok, but only if you film it) youve got to be receptive to whatever comes, as this opener really draws out the heart of a girls personality.

One final point that bears mentioning you have to have a fun attitude when you say these. A girl once told me she could see the smile in my eyes. A guy who is a total creepbag and who delivers these dispassionately will not lead to good things. So have FUN!!!

SITUATIONAL OBSERVATIONS

These account for many of the conversations that I start, and Ill tell you, they werent easy to get good at. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to naturally come up with spontaneous stuff that was relevant to the situation at hand. Hmm the alligator head on the wall at the dive bar what can I say about it that hasnt been said a thousand times before?

Thing is, you dont have to be overly clever. Sometimes, its not about coming up with the most impressive thing to say in the world, but rather, getting words out of your mouth. So you can go for the easy shots.

An easy shot would be commenting on what shes drinking, or noticing something about her personal style that is cool, funky or sexy.

Opener 1: Is that framboise youre drinking?Opener 2:Super-cool bracelet youve got on.In these cases, youre noticing something slightly different about her.

Opener 3: Can you tell me if these avocados are ripe?An easy shot at the super-market. Just be comfortable with her attention!

If you want to make things a little more fun, youve got to get absurd. I like to look for fun and interesting interpretations of the world around me. For example

Opener 3: Is this the line for the fire extinguisher? (it was the line for the bathroom, which was right next to the fire extinguisher)Opener 4: You two are the zipper checkers, right? (said to two girls who were standing at the entrance to the hallway to the bathroom).Opener 5:This song rocks! This is the best high school reunion ever! (if youre dancing near a girl whos about your age, and a song comes on from your high school years)How do you train yourself to do this? You can start with the Coffee Shop Drill. Another option is to watch a lot of Russell Brand videos on YouTube. But here are a few pointers in the meantime for adding some witty, absurd charm to your spontaneous situational openers:

1.) how can you misinterpret the environment in a way that is obvious, but that no one is thinking about?

2.) how can you misinterpret what the girl(s) are doing in a way that is funny or silly?

Again, I have some exercises for this stuff in Unbreakable, but for now, you can start looking for fun and interesting opportunities for misinterpretation. But whatever the case, its better to get some words out there than to get perfect words out there, so dont get hung up on being clever if thats holding you back from talking to women.

HER UNCONSCIOUS CONVERSATION

This concept has been incredibly useful to me in starting conversations. You could call it empathy, but its not so much about what someone is feeling as it is what theyre thinking.

You want to step into their head for a second and consider their thoughts. If they could open their mouths right now and tap right into their unconscious mind, what would come out of it? For example, standing in line at a drug store you catch a woman looking at this weeks tabloid.

Opener 1: That Lindsay Lohan! Its just so hard not to pay attention to her.If you were to ask her, at that very moment, to put her unconscious thoughts to words, you might hear something like that. Of course, youd follow it up with something like Me, Im more of a Tom Cruise stalker myself. Ill take scientology over drugs any day.

You can playfully tease someone for having an unconscious conversation that isnt even happening. For example, if a girl looks at you while youre passing her by on the street, you could say:

Opener 2: If youre gonna give a guy that look, you should say hello.Her: What Look?You: What look? Like a fat kid looking at an ice cream cone, thats what look!Along those lines, if youre making eye contact with a girl at a bar, you can approach her and say:

Opener 3:I couldnt let you sit here all night without giving you the chance to get to know me.

Again, youre playfully teasing her for thinking something that was along the lines of what she was thinking but, with your own self-aggrandizing delivery creates instant drama and emotion.

You can also take the conversation in her head in a new, absurd direction. Earlier today, I was sitting next to a girl at a sushi bar. It was an epic challenge to get the attention of the guy behind the counter, and even when this girl was waving her debit card at him to pay her bill, he wasnt coming over.

Opener 4: Im pretty sure that if you throw your debit card at him like a ninja star, you get a free meal if you lodge it deep in his heart.A little macabre? Sure. But notice that I tuned into her frustration and impatience, and came up with an absurd outlet for them in my opener. Hang around me enough and youll hear me say stuff like that sucks we should electrocute them or thats annoying, we should feed them to alligators when someone (usually a cute girl) is talking about someone who annoys her. Always good for a laugh.

When youre out and about, ask yourself :whats going on in this persons head right now and what could I add onto it to make it funny? Youll start developing this skill in no time flat.

JOINING THE CONVERSATION

Whereas previously you were entering an unconscious conversation in a womans head (good if youre approaching one woman) an easier path is to enter the real conversation going on in the real world (good if youre approaching two or more women). You listen in, try to find a hook, and then butt in with your thoughts, opinions and questions. Easy, right?

Broadly, when joining a conversation, you pretend that youre already in, and use one of two conversational conventions that are a foundation of my conversations: Yes, And / Yes, But.

Yes, And involves agreeing with something that someone has said, and then taking the conversation further in that direction. For example yeah man, I love cigarettes, love me some emphysema too. Obviously, sarcasm there. Or yeah, you look hot in that. so hot that were not going to make it out the door get over here baby. Probably save that one for your girlfriend. In both cases, though, see how were agreeing with a statement, then taking it further in that direction?

Yes, But involves agreeing with something that someone has said, then posing an objection. Yeah the movie was good but my date was so LAME. Say this to a girl as youre walking out of the theatre jokingly, of course!

See how easy it is to be witty with Yes, And and Yes, But ?

Now in matters of starting a convo, any time two (or more) women are getting chitty chatty with each other at the bar, you can look for a hook and join the conversation. It usually goes best when you offer a new perspective (yes, and) or pose a question (yes, but).

For example, lets say youre standing at a bar and two girls are talking about how hard they should go out.

OPENER 1: So really the question is are you going out, or are you going OUT out? Because going OUT out is a whole different level of commitment.We soon decided that they were, in fact, going OUT out, shots were ordered, and we spent the rest of the evening with these girls. In this case, I used some cultural slang (going OUT out) to make it fun. And its more or less a yes, but inasmuch as its a challenge.

But you dont have to get too fancy you can be plain old fun instead. I was standing nearby a group who was discussing Braveheart.

OPENER 2: Did I just hear someone say Braveheart? (pause). Uh superhunk. (laughter). I guess the movie was ok too. (more laughter, of course).I dont suggest adding too much gayness to your personality, but I find it very easy to join a conversation if my words sound like theyre coming from one of the girls at first. Sometimes youll be standing next to girls waiting for a drink, and one of them will be talking to her friend about something that a guy said/texted/facebookd etc. to her. Very easy to join this one:

OPENER 3: He did not say that. I told you he just liked you for your money.I found that if you just say the first line, girls get defensive, but if you add the money comment, they cant help but laugh. You can then do a little roleplay about how rich she is and how she shouldve spent her inheritance on cookies and beer. Or whatever other funny things you can come up with.

Another great spot to Join a Convo is when youre standing next to some women at a stopwalk, or walking down the street nearby them. A few summers ago, I was walking next to some girls, one of whom was complaining about how even though shed gone to a friends birthday party, the friend had not reciprocated by attending hers:

OPENER 4: Dont you just hate that? You get a bottle of wine, show up, make sure they know theyre loved and then what! Some friend, huh?She agreed, we pouted together, realized we were both Leos and lived nearby, and numbers were exchanged. Oh, and what did you notice about my opening line? Any hot Yes, And action? Oh yeah.

I hope you see just how simple it is and how natural and deadly effective it can be to join the conversation. Yes! And onwards.

CATCHING UP

A close cousin to Joining the Convo, Catching Up also works by pretending that you already know them and are in with them. Its not quite as effective as Joining the Convo, but it requires zero creativity, so its great if youre just starting out in the world of approaching and attracting women, or if youre smashed out of your gourd and nothing else is coming to mind.

Its quite simple you find some girls who seem open and receptive, and you say something like:

OPENER 1: Well there you are! I was wondering when wed run into each other again!Said playfully, this sets you up for a fun roleplay. Assuming she responds positively, you drop something like Last time I saw you, man, Ive got to say well, Im not sure if you remember, but it was an effort to prevent you from stealing that minivan. That little thief!

You can say other variations like:

OPENER 2: Well there you guys are where the heck were you before this, I was looking all over FourSquare!As I write this, FourSquare is culturally relevant here in NYC, but you could substitute it out if some new creepy technology for tracking people comes out by the time you read this.

Again, this works best on girls who already look open and receptive not so much for girls who are huddled up and planning their next move. Enjoy.

HELLO WITH A NICKNAME

Love this one with all my heart. These were the first words out of my mouth with the Playboy girl, and many other women who were so pretty that I wanted to chew on glass to calm myself down. And theyre REALLY simple.

You see her. You get nearby. And then you say something like:

OPENER 1: Whatcha up to, chief?Thats it. And then she tells you what shes up to (Sudoko, in the case of Ms. Playmate), and then you guys get into it. The first three words dont do much, but when you add the chief, all of a sudden things become much more flirty, and she realizes youre not scared of her. Which helps when youre speaking to a scary-hot girl.

Heres another one:

OPENER 2: Hey sassypants, hows your night going? To the best of my knowledge, my buddy Race dePriest came up with that phrase, and it never ceases to get a laugh. Or how about these?

OPENER 3: Hey there truckerOPENER 4: Whats up nutterbutter?OPENER 5: Howdy, chickpeaNow youll notice none of these are super complimentary. They arent like cutie or hottieor sexyface. That stuff is cheeseball. Go for the nickname youd give to your schoolyard buddy, your younger sister, or the kid who everyone used to pick on (that was you right? I mean, they all called me bucktooth, which Ive never called a woman but now that I remember it, Ill probably give it a go).

The nonverbals here especially the eye contact matter a lot. If you say them with a slight look of a challenge on your face, like you have no idea whats in store for you, but its gonna be fun, shell usually pick up on that, and she might just get a little playful herself.

Her: Trucker? Why Trucker?You: Uhhh that was you who honked from that big semi earlier today, right? Chewing tobacco, blabbing away on that CB radio and all those poor little piggies you were haulin, they just didn know where you was takin emYes, these exact words have come out of my mouth before, with my best Texas drawl, and were met with erupting laughter. You notice that Im doing an extended Yes And to create an absurd story here? Well, thats how to pick up a ten. And I bet you thought it involved breathing fire! Pashaw.

OPINIONS, BETS, ASSISTANCE

If youve read anything about being a Pick Up Artist, you probably know at least two things: negs and opinion openers. Well save the former for another day, and consider the latter in the here and now.

Frankly, I never loved using other peoples opinion openers, as I dont like being inauthentic. Of course, youre welcome to use mine, but I find that these work best when they are truly spontaneous the result of a conversation youre having with a friend or a nagging question you need answered.

I find that anything that references popular culture works well. Women generally know (and care) about celebrities, fashion, entertainment all of that nonsense that keeps them occupied while us menfolk are out starting wars, building empires, and heralding in the apocalypse. I, for one, am far to busy to watch the show Friends (ok, maybe Ive seen it once or twice) but it wasnt long ago that I was at a bar waiting for a friend to arrive, texting a female friend of mine to pass the time. Leaning over to two girls at the next table, I said

OPENER 1: Hey, uh.. I need some girlie advice. You guys know the name of Jennifer Anistons character on Friends?They told me it was Rachel, and I nodded a quick Thank You to them. Nothing spoken just quickly returned to my phone. After finishing the text, I looked at them, held my gaze until they looked back, and said thanks, thats perfect. (hint hint creating intrigue). They began asking me why I needed to know that, and I told them that my friend was such a scatterbrain and we were off.

Another example that came up one time was when my buddy David and I were trying to settle a bet about the name of a Backstreet Boys song.

OPENER 2: Hey guys, we need some girlie help, wondering if you could help us settle a bet. Do you remember what the big Backstreet Boys song hit was? Quit Playing Games With My Heart or Bye Bye Bye?I was quickly informed that EVERYONE knows that *NSync wrote Bye Bye Bye, to which I replied that obviously, dumb guys who are off building empires dont always know such things and again in there like swimwear.

You might have also noticed the phrase girlie. As of the time I write this, that particular word is going down well.

You can also ask a personal question one example that comes to mind was when I was back in Ann Arbor and had been jean shopping with my friend Bria all day. Later that evening, I was out and noticed a girl wearing some VERY sexy jeans.

OPENER 3: Hey, those jeans fit you great (pause) I was out shopping with my friend today and shes got a very similar figure to you mind if I ask where you got them?Ive since used this many times and have never had a girl not be flattered. Then give her a little tease about how they should be paying her to model them, ask a personal question maybe stick around or maybe take off all of which well be covering later on.

DIRECT COMPLIMENTS

On our coaching programs, we used to (and occasionally still do) have guys give flowers to random pretty girls on the street. In cities like NYC and San Francisco, this is actually less weird than a lot of the other things youll see. And it helps drive home an important point: women LOVE gifts when you dont expect anything in return.

When youre approaching a girl to give her a compliment, you want to have the mindset of an art patron. Wow look at this beautiful thing that someone has created it has spirit!Any artist can paint a clock, but it took Salvador Dali to paint The Persistence of Memory. Any sculptor can create a statue of man, but it took Michaelangelo to create David. A compliment to a beautiful woman means nothing unless youre connecting it to the spirit she radiates. This, my friend, is what I look for in people, and if you can do the same, youll find yourself giving awesome compliments.

For example, every now and then youll see a girl who really put effort into putting herself together. Telling the checkout girl at Whole Foods that

OPENER 1: I love the way you matched your eye shadow with your earrings. (she smiles, blushes, says thanks). Was that intentional, or random chance as you rolled out of bed this morning?Guys rarely notice the little things that stand out on a woman if youre the one in a thousand who does, itll make her feel mighty special.

You can just go straight up and tell a woman that you think shes beautiful. This works great when youre leaving a bar and see someone lovely on the way out. No time to think, no time to angle yourself for something more casual youve got to go in for the kill.

OPENER 2: Hey listen I know this is forward but I just had to tell you how beautiful you are. (she smiles, blushes, says thanks). I dont know if anyone has told you that yet today, but I couldnt pass by without letting you know that. Whats your name?That second part about not letting the day go by is important it shows that youre giving it to her as a gift. Now, if you want to be really bold, you can throw this one out to women on the street or when youre just chilling at the bar or a party its right up there with the bombing opener in terms of creating emotion in the conversation, but if you can keep the boldness up, youll love it.

Or you can go deeper. Some women just light up the room as they walk through it.

Opener 3: Hey listen I know this is forward but I just had to tell you how beautiful you are. (she smiles, blushes, says thanks). I mean, there are a lot of pretty girls in the world, but you have some sort of happy inner light its just radiant. (she says thanks again). Like whats the story you just get a promotion, or walking hand in hand with God, or what?The last part always gets a laugh with religious women because theyre like YES!!!! and with atheists and agnostics because they like to make fun of believers.

Finally, sometimes youll see a girl who is wearing something that everyone is staring at, and maybe even complimenting her on. For example, a woman is wearing a dress that has every mans jaw on the floor and every other womans heart green with envy. So you use a little misdirection humor (much more on that in TEN), walk up, and say

OPENER 4: Wow, that looks incredible on you your smile, I mean. (she laughs, says thanks). I mean, the dress is pretty nice too and Im so glad I didnt wear mine out tonight or wed have confused everyoneSee the video demonstration for what to do with your hands on this one. Delivered right, it will make her crack up of course she thinks youre talking about her dress until she realizes youre not. And that last phrase about Im so glad I didnt wear mine out tonight has been borrowed by my buddy Johnny, one of the most charming men I know. Never fails to disqualify the compliment just enough to let her drop her guard.

Finally, if youre ready to get shameless, theres the over the top compliment. This isnt so much a statement as a way of thinking. Go hard or go home, buddy. Youre putting your desire for her right out there, front-and-center, and you just cant help it because shes so damn sexy. Typically, this works great at nightclubs and bars where the vibe is highly charged.

OPENER 5: Oh my God, look at you. Come here, whats your name?Allow yourself to be drawn to her and tell her how sexy she is right away! You are ridiculously hot, how do you expect a simple guy like me not to get a massive crush? If shes receptive to it, you can go for the kiss right then and there. This is done with intense body language and rapid escalation, and is demonstrated more in depth on our IRRESISTIBLE program.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Everyone has their ways of approaching women, and youre reading this to learn mine. Hopefully, a few things stand out:

1. Theres no one-size-fits-all approach. Its always based on the situation.

2. Getting her attention ought to be approached with a fun, creative spirit. The more that your mindset is to simply get her attention (as opposed to saying the perfect thing) the more it frees you up to have fun.

There are a few lines in here that you can memorize and repeat verbatim, but what Im trying to capture is that its better to engage at all than it is to get it perfectly. All of these openers work, but they should be inspiration, and not merely something for you to merely duplicate. I want to teach you how to fish, not just give you a nice piece of salmon, friend-o.