the bishop magazine, august issue

A THEOLOGICAL JOURNAL JULY 2014

They Prayed For MeIn Or OutWomen Bishops Approved by the Anglican Church

Change Seats

Five Things I Wish I Knew About Leading a Small

Group MinistryThree Things to

Make Your Ministry Better, Part 1

Protecting Your Princess: The Role

of Dads in DatingCatholic Bishops Turn to Blogging and the Internet as the New Tool of Evangelism

If You Could Change One Thing In Your Marriage

Can a Theology Degree Be a

Hindrance to Your Ministry

Is Your Church Website “Mobile Friendly”

04 In Or Out

05 Women Bishops Approved by the Anglican Church

06 Is Your Church Website “Mobile Friendly”

08 Three Things to Make Your Ministry Better, Part 1

11 Can a Theology Degree Be a Hindrance to Your Ministry

12 If You Could Change One Thing In Your Marriage

15 Five Things I Wish I Knew About Leading a Small Group Ministry

16 Protecting Your Princess: The Role of Dads in Dating

19 They Prayed For Me

20 Catholic Bishops Turn to Blogging and the Internet as the New Tool of Evangelism

22 Change Seats

Contents

3 | BISHOP JULY 2014

IN OR OUTBy Bishop Dennis Golphin

In our new counter-cultural society, the real issue is who is in or out of the closet. The term “in the closet” used to mean concealing your true identity and living undercover. Now it refers today to those who won’t accept this new self-pride of how I was created; determining who I really should be regardless of how society determines who I am; and the church pronouncing who I should be. But in reality, I don’t know if we really want to accept how we were created as opposed to accepting how we can be re-created.

The question is not ?Can I be a Christian and _________?? The real issue is ?Can I be a Christian and not be re-created for God?s Glory?? Christianity is ultimately about CHANGE. Being a Christian is being transformed from my original created being and becoming a new thinker. So the transition is not what we ultimately think of ourselves, but what we really think of God. Who and what is He to us. For instance, He is, not just our creator, but our Redeemer and Lord.

This means that we must develop a counter-cultural revolution. A pattern of not adjusting to the culture, but transforming to ?Holiness.? Resulting in sanctifying our thoughts and even getting control of our emotions. So that, changed thinking will result into changed behavior and eventually a changed life-style.


As I prepared for this month’s issue of my magazine, I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine, Bishop Dennis Golphin, who is featured as a contributor in this issue of this magazine and who I want to congratulate on being elevated to the office of Archbishop in the Anglican communion. Bishop Golphin and I was discussing the recent vote on the part of the Anglican Church to ordain women to the office of bishop.

The ordination of women bishops is nothing new for members of my reformation, the Full Gospel Baptist Church Fellowship, as we have ordained three women to the sacred office of the episcopacy in recent years, Bishop Cheryl Brown, Bishop Aretha Morton and Bishop Bertha Green all are members of our College of Bishops.

However, the decision to ordain women bishops in the Anglican tradition is being heralded as an historic moment for the church. And while the vote on the matter was quite decisive, it leaves the more conservative members of the communion and “Anglo-Catholics” with the dilemma of whether they remain in the communion or step away from the communion in protest of what they deem as “heresy”.

It was the Roman Catholic pope, just before Pope Francis, Pope Benedict XVII, that stated that the ordination of women to the priesthood is impossible. It is that conservative position that I want to address and debate in my editorial this month. The idea that the priesthood is gender-specific and beyond the theological reach of a woman is based upon the absence of such figures in the Bible itself. In my conversation with Bishop Golphin, we both agreed that from purely a Biblical point of view, it is impossible to prooftext or justify the inclusion of women in the priesthood. And do understand that any discussion about women bishops must pass the argument of women priests first, because the episcopacy is an extension of the priesthood.

However, as an “Apologist”, a far different approach can be taken. Again, I am indebted to Bishop Dennis Golphin of Raleigh, North Carolina for his illumination on the matter. From the Old Testament, we all know that requirements for the priesthood required that the priest must be from the seed of Levi (Levites). And while their are several orders of priests in the Old Testament including the sons of Aaron and Moses,

What is not debatable is that all priests of the Old Testament were descendants of Levi.

However, the book of Hebrews argues that the Jesus of the New Testament is the replacement of the High Priest. This is interesting because clearly Jesus was not a descendent of Levi, he was from the tribe of Judah. That would suggest that if Jesus could become a priest, then the definition and requirements for the priesthood, held by the Old Testament, were no longer applicable or relevant. The liberty that Jesus ushers into the New Testament Church, as a priest, of a different order, opens the door for the priesthood and thereby the episcopacy to no longer be bound by the definition of the Old Testament.

I therefore applaud the decision of the Anglican connection in voting to allow women to become bishops. I was a student at Oberlin College in the early 1970’s when Peter Beebe ordained one of the first female priests in the Anglican communion. Despite nearly 40 years of delays by conservatives, the Anglican communion has taken the next natural step of their earlier decision to recognize women priest. I am convinced that this is a victory for the entire church and not just Anglican communion.

From the Desk of Bishop Andy C. Lewter, D. Min.

Women Bishops Approved by the Anglican Church


It’s hard to go anywhere (including church) where people are not pulling out their phones for more than calls. We’re clearly a mobile culture with habits now firmly entrenched in anytime, anywhere access.

Churches must, at a minimum, make a mobile version of their websites for these small screens.

For those pastors wanting some stats to back this up, it’s helpful to note the following:

94 percent of smartphone users have searched for local info—including your church. *[1]

67 percent (and climbing) of mobile users are now smartphone users (159.8 million people in the U.S. own smartphones as of October 2013). *[4]

66 percent of smartphone users visited an organization in person after viewing a website. *[1]

90 percent of smartphone users acted within 24 hours of viewing the website. *[1]

73 percent of mobile searches trigger additional actions, such as continued research (36 percent) and in-person visits (25 percent). *[2]

57 percent of mobile users won’t recommend an organization based on a poorly designed mobile site. *[1]

37 percent of all digital media time is spent on mobile. *[3]

But where to start?

Pastors don’t need to bother trying to keep up with the technology, but they do need to empower their staff/volunteer web team to ensure their church websites are mobile friendly.

Six quick checks any pastor can do:

1. Does the website load fast? Mobile phones are not always on Wi-Fi, so under three seconds load time is the goal.

2. Is the text big enough to read without zooming? The only acceptable answer is “yes.”

3. Is navigation simple and obvious? Less is more with only a few, obvious choices for most mobile websites.

4. Are links thumb-friendly? Text links must be easy to click.

5. Do images fit on the screen? Chances are text-only or very limited picture usage is best (and loads faster, too).

6. Is there a one-click method for a phone number, email and map (directions)? The only acceptable answer is “yes.”

Answering these questions is a quick and easy way to determine if your church website needs a mobile-friendly overhaul.

In fact, quite often you’ll find that the exercise of thinking through your mobile website is a great launching point for rethinking your existing desktop website, too. Less really is more!

BONUS: To see how your church website looks on multiple devices, use this free handy tool to test your site.

This free online tool helps you see how your website looks on the latest computers and mobile devices.

Optimizing for mobile.

Is Your Church Website “Mobile Friendly”By Anthony Coppedge


If your church needs a new mobile website, below are a few helpful guidelines to ensure it’s optimized for mobile users.

1. Ensure fast loading.

Focus on the information that someone on a mobile device will likely need to know. Use Google Analytics (talk to your web team/hosting provider) to see what mobile users are doing on your regular website now as consideration for what should go on your mobile site.

Consider using responsive design (code-speak here) for flexible layout depending on the size/resolution of the device. Limit images and pictures. Limited use of images is actually an acceptable option for mobile.

2. Simplify navigation.

Orient the site vertically for most uses (except possibly integrated maps/directions). Use a simplified hierarchy in menus. No roll-over menus!

Add obvious Back and Home buttons. If possible, limit navigation to top-level information only; this is not the place to learn about every opportunity with the church.

Add small icons with clickable links for your social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, etc.).

3. Be thumb-friendly.

Rewrite content to use short sentences and paragraphs. Limit scrolling of text so that as much fits on the screen per section as possible.

Keep links spread apart to reduce accidental clicks (a.k.a. fat fingers!).

If you use fields to capture information, require only essential information to limit typing (and errors). When in doubt, First Name, Last Name and Email are usually enough.

The future is not mobile for our culture; mobile is now.


Three Things to Make Your Ministry Better, Part 1By Geoff Surratt

For the first time in our lives, Sherry and I have the freedom to choose what church we attend. When we lived at home, our parents chose for us, and after we got married, we always attended the church I (and sometimes she) worked at. But now we are free to visit any church we want, so over the past couple of months, we have visited nine different churches.


In most cases, we have gone as anonymous visitors, and it has been an eye-opening experience. We have been surprised how difficult it is to fit in and connect at a new church. (If you know we attended your church recently, I’m obviously talking about one of the other eight.)

So this week, I thought I’d share some tips on how to attract, connect and retain new attendees: Five Simple Ways to Make Your Church Stickier. None of these ideas are new or revolutionary, but I bet you think your church is a LOT better at each one than you really are. Trust me on this; they’re not.

Let’s dive in with Simple Way One: 1. Make your church friendlier.

I’m sure you assume your church gets a pass on this one; your church is one of the friendliest churches on the planet. When you walk in, everyone says hi, you have a built in greeting time in your service when all the new people feel welcomed, and after church, people hang around forever laughing and connecting. You’ve got the friendly thing down.

Let me give you an outsider’s perspective on the friendliness of your church. When I arrive, one or two assigned people with big nametags smile and say hi. (At some churches, the assigned greeters are either engaged in conversation with someone else, grunt hello or just frown and hand me a bulletin.) Once I navigate past people in the lobby talking to people they already know, I am placed in an isolation bubble called the auditorium.

I sit with people who don’t acknowledge my presence in any way until the forced greeting time. “Turn and greet your neighbor before you sit down.” At most, someone might crack a half smile, give their name and shake my hand. Normally, I get a grimaced look, a quick handshake and a short, “Hi.” I don’t realize it at the time, but that is the last time anyone will make any contact with me at your church.

After service, I again have to navigate the lobby where people who already know each other have exclusive parties with other people who already know each other. Sometimes, I stand in the lobby looking bewildered and feeling as out of place as a bikini in a Denver snowstorm, but no one sees me.

Finally, I find my way back to the car feeling more alone than I did when I arrived. And in case you think it’s because I’m an introvert, my extroverted wife feels the same. Feeling alone and disconnected is the one experience we’ve had at almost every church we’ve attended.

So how do you make your church friendlier? Here are a couple of ideas (most of these I stole from others):

Teach on hospitality.

Take a weekend (or a month) and teach your congregation how to be hospitable at church, in the workplace and at home. Hospitality has always been a hallmark of Christianity, so we need to teach on it.

Create a “gorilla greeter” team.

Get as many people as possible to be gorilla greeters. Their job is to make sure they talk only to people they don’t know for the first ten minutes after they arrive and for the first ten minutes after the service is over. They don’t need lanyards or nametags (in fact, that would defeat the purpose). Their job is to find people who seem disconnected and figure out how to connect them.

Adopt a “neighborhood.”

Divide your auditorium into sections and get leaders to adopt a section as their neighborhood. They commit to attend the same service each week, sit in their neighborhood, and watch for new people who sit in the section. They become the small group leader of that section.

Give the greeting time a purpose or kill it.

Find a way to make the greeting time in your service purposeful. Why are you doing this? How can you make it more effective? Is it accomplishing the purpose you designed it for?

How has your church worked on friendliness? What has worked and not worked?

Be sure to check out our issue next month when we will continue this article with Part 2.


Can a Theology Degree Be a Hindrance to Your MinistryBy Rick Howerton

Some of the markers of someone who is spiritually mature are, “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23) Some of the indicators of those who are not spiritually mature are, “jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition.” (Galatians 5:20)

Some pastors today are known for their exhibiting Galatians 5:20 instead of being revered because they exhibit the list found in Galatians 5:22-23. These pastors are jealous of other pastors as other pastors’ churches are bigger than or growing faster than their own; they sometimes have fits of rage towards staff members or church assistants, and if the truth were known, they wrestle with wanting their name to be known moreso than making the name of Jesus known.

Having been discipled, one becomes spiritually mature and then lives out Galatians 5:22-23 intuitively. But the pathway to a pastorate today does not involve being discipled. It has everything to do with getting a theology degree from a Bible school or seminary.

Let’s face it…when a pastor search team makes a list of criteria they will utilize as they seek out their next pastor, it most often includes some type of biblical studies or theology degree. The pastor search team subconsciously believes that, if they find someone with a seminary degree, they are getting a pastor who is also spiritually mature. But that just isn’t so. Knowledge is vital to becoming spiritually mature, but theological knowledge doesn’t mean someone is spiritually mature. In fact, 1 Corinthians 8:1 reminds us that knowledge can cause someone to be prideful in the knowledge they’ve acquired.

Theological understanding is vital to church leadership, especially those who teach. But it is not the only requirement. In fact, check out Titus 1: 6-9.

6 An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer is entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. 9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Most of the requirements of an elder are based on acts and attitudes that flow out of a transformed heart, and one can be the most theologically astute person in the church without having a transformed heart.

My dear pastor friends…Just because you have a degree or degrees hanging on the wall, you are not necessarily spiritually mature. If you’re lacking in, “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control,” humble yourself and find someone to disciple you…not someone to mentor you in ministry, someone to disciple you to maturity.

It will transform you into the image of Christ and make you the pastor you’ve always wanted to be.


If You Could Change One Thing In Your MarriageBy Pastor Mark Driscoll

“This is my beloved and this is my friend.” —A wise wife in Song of Songs 5:16

March 12, 1988, was one of the most important days of my life, right after the day of my birth and the day of my new birth as a Christian. It was on that day that I had my first date with Grace.

We were both 17 and could not have fathomed where we are today, with five kids and a ministry trying to help others with honest, practical, biblical teaching. My relationship with Grace

involves numerous roles, but one that we both cherish is our friendship.

Our relationship started as a friendship, but somewhere along the way got stuck. We talk about some of this in honest detail in Real Marriage, but the big idea is that we


did not pull the weeds in our friendship, and pretty soon it began to wither.

In more recent years, by God’s grace, we have been hard at work to pull those weeds, and our friendship has flourished as a result. We dedicate an entire chapter in Real Marriage to friendship, and it’s the favorite chapter for us both.

Reflecting on friendship in marriage more recently, I can think of seven reasons why friendship is essential to a healthy and happy marriage.

1. Friendship makes a marriage more resilient.

Many relationships come and go. When we are in school, for example, some relationships feel incredibly close and important, but then we graduate and never again speak with

the people who filled up our yearbook with declarations of lifelong friendship.

When we are in the workplace, we can spend so many hours together with

co-workers that it seems like they are near and dear

friends. But once we get another job, we never return to our old place of employment and quickly lose touch with nearly everyone we used to eat lunch with on a regular basis.

If we look back on our lives, the relationships that are most likely to endure transition through such things as life stages, employment and geography are friendships. When we have true friendships, we endure a lot more to keep those relationships, and as a result they are more resilient.

Subsequently, when a husband and wife have a genuine friendship that they have invested in and are committed to, their marriage will be more resilient. It will endure the ups and downs, trials and temptations, and celebrations and frustrations that life brings, because that is what friends do: They hang in there.

2. Friendship makes a marriage more natural.

When someone is your friend, they do not have to push themselves into your life or pull you into theirs. With friends, the door to your life is just open.

Friends call, drop by, check in and ask favors pretty much whenever they need to. When you are going to do something fun, you reach for your friend. When you’ve had a rough day, you reach for your friend. When you are facing a big decision, you reach for your friend. When something wonderful happens and you have to share it, you reach for your friend.

When we have true friendships, we endure a lot more to keep those relationships, and as a result they are more resilient.

When a husband and wife are friends, life together is simply more natural. They just communicate more, hang out more, share more and do more together. This is not because they have to, but because they want to. This is not because it is a duty, but because it is a delight.

3. Friendship makes a marriage more forgiving.

Like a precious jewel, a genuine friend is hard to find and devastating to lose. A friend is so valuable that you are more likely to repent of your sin against them, and forgive their sin against you, because the friendship is so treasured that it is worth the occasional withdrawal.

Friendship is one of the great antidotes to the three-headed marriage monster—bitterness, unforgiveness and unrepentance. Friends figure it out. Friends clean it up. Friends get over it. Friends move on … together.

4. Friendship makes a marriage more sacrificial.

We do things for our friends that we’d never do for anyone else.

If a friend calls you at 2 a.m. because their car broke down, you will likely go get them. But if your boss calls you, it’s likely you’ll just let it go to voicemail.

Friends go out of their way to do sacrificial things for one another without expecting to be repaid in some way. I can honestly say that Grace is the most sacrificial and servant-hearted friend I’ve ever had.

A genuine friend is hard to find and devastating to lose.


5. Friendship makes a marriage more Christian.

The God of the Bible is Trinitarian: one God in three Persons—Father, Son and Spirit. To have a Christian marriage includes reading the Bible together, praying together, worshiping as part of a church family together, serving God together, and so on. But a Christian marriage has to be between friends to truly be Christian.

Since our God is a community of three loving, united Friends who communicate with and care for one another, there is no such thing as a truly Christian marriage without friendship. After all, marriage is in large part supposed to be a reflection of the nature and character of our glorious God (Eph. 5).

Friends go out of their way to do sacrificial things for one another without expecting to be repaid in some way.

6. Friendship makes a marriage more fun.

Grace says this one with a smile. A husband and wife should spend a lot of time together, and if they are friends that means they can find ways to have a lot of fun even when they’re doing something ordinary, like shopping for groceries while laughing along the way.

Grace says having fun makes the relationship “safer,” because it allows you to relax, not be on edge, and not fear doing or saying something wrong. As a result, you can just have more fun.

Religious people who read this will start to quibble over the difference between joy and fun, because religious people are

not very fun. Joy is something you can have all the time in spite of circumstances. Fun is something you can have some of the time because of circumstances. We are fans of both. Go for joy all the time, and take time for fun any time.

7. Friendship makes a marriage more safeguarded.

My pastoral ministry now extends 18 years since the core group phase at Mars Hill Church. One tragic thing I have seen over and over in churches across the nation and the world is that when a husband and wife are not growing in a godly friendship, they are more susceptible to a dangerous slippery slope.

It starts with an encouraging friendship with someone of the opposite sex, and it grows to become adultery of the heart and eventually adultery of the hands.

This can be a “work spouse” who fills the role of an emotionally supportive partner on the job. Perhaps it could be someone who starts counseling you on your marriage and/or someone you just enjoy hanging out with, and eventually you find yourself preferring their company over the company of your spouse.

A godly, genuine and growing friendship with your spouse helps to safeguard against emotional and/or physical adultery.

How is your best friendship?

The importance of friendship in marriage relates in some way to everyone, whether married or not:

Single person who is dating: Are you building a genuine, godly friendship, or are you allowing something like sex get in the way of establishing a firm foundation in your relationship?

Engaged couple: Are you truly committed to always seeking to be better friends to one another, and helping one another to do this in encouraging and not criticizing ways?

Married couples: Is your friendship growing, or have you allowed bitterness, distractions, duties, chores, tasks, kids, work, responsibilities and/or extended family to contribute weeds that have led to the withering of your friendship?

Grace and I had a friendship while dating, but we neglected our friendship until some years into our marriage. Our friendship in marriage was not what it could have been or should have been. Between working long hours, starting a church, having children and the busyness of life, our friendship was not the priority it should have been.

By God’s grace and some attentive care, I am glad to report things are different now. Grace’s nickname for me is “friend,” so when I get home I hear her say with a laugh, “Hi, friend!” Our kids have noticed this. For example, on a recent trip I was loading up the car and one of our daughters asked, “Where will the suitcase of your best friend go?” Of course, she was talking about her mom.

I’m glad our kids see that we are friends, and I pray they grow up to marry someone who is their friend. Grace and I want the same for you!


Five Things I Wish I Knew About Leading a Small Group MinistryBy Mark Howell

I led my first small group in 1983 and was coaching my first network of small group leaders in 1984. Over the last 30 years I’ve tried just about every system and experimented with so many different ideas I’ve actually been called a “mad scientist.”

And while I’m glad I’ve had the experience, there are definitely many things I wish I had known about small group ministry.

Here are five things I wish I’d known about small group leaders.

1. Great Bible teachers are rarely effective as small group leaders. Not that great Bible teachers are never effective as mall group leaders. It is just unusual. There are two key reasons for this. First, great Bible teachers rarely reproduce themselves. Their skill can be intimidating for group members to even take a turn. Second, life-change happens most frequently when there is dialogue. Teachers only occasionally are skilled facilitators. See also, What’s the Difference Between a Sunday School Class and a Small Group?

2. Promoting a new leader training class is an ineffective recruiting method. Nearly everyone has tried this idea. Schedule a training class for prospective small group leaders. Promote it in the bulletin. Think happy thoughts about how nice it will be to have 5 or 10 more qualified leaders. The problem is that a high percentage of those who sign up for small group leader training have unhealthy below-the-waterline agendas or have low relational intelligence (and have

trouble launching or sustaining a group). See also, 5 GroupLife Dots You May Not Be Connecting.

3. The best potential group leaders are usually reluctant volunteers. This may feel completely counterintuitive but it is almost always true. This is a significant aha and a main reason that the small group connection and the HOST strategy in combination with a church-wide campaign were such genius innovations. Both strategies do a great job of helping potential leaders take that important first step. See also, The Upside of Reluctant Volunteers.

4. It’s common for the best potential leaders to be unknown. Once your Easter adult attendance reaches 250, it becomes increasingly more likely that the pastor and staff do not know everyone. As the number of unknown adults increases it is a certainty that 5 to 10% of the unknowns are actually potential leaders (who in many cases did everything in their former church or are significant leaders in their day job).

5. The least connected people in your church have the most connections outside your church. Just think about this for a minute. In my experience, when I ask the most connected people in my church who their 10 best friends are (in the area), they’ll almost always name 8, 9 or 10 other people who are also very connected at my church. With me? What if I ask the least connected people who their 10 best friends are (in the area)? They will almost always name 8, 9 or 10 people who have never been to my church. Here’s the question: Who would have the best chance of inviting unconnected people to their group?


Protecting Your Princess:

The Role of Dads in

DatingBy Bishop Andy C. Lewter and Marshall Segal


The other day my daughter called me, as she often does, just to talk and say hello. After the conversation, I sat back and thought about how blessed I was to have princess of a daughter that I was so very proud of. She is intelligent, independent, a wonderful mother and socially conscious. I could help but think back on those difficult years when she was a teenager and I was an “over-protective” father. In light of such, I have asked Marshall Segal to share with you a few tips that you might want to consider as your daughter enters the season in her life when her attraction to boys begins to rival her love for daddy.

1. If you wait for the talk, you’re too late.

I think most men wait for the suitor to come knocking, asking for the daughter’s hand in marriage. Don’t let it get that far without you. There are too many blessings to be had before she’s a fiancée. Trade the last-minute interview approach for a real relationship of your own with him. Trade distant, hands-off fear tactics for some faithful, down-to-earth discipleship.

Nothing will help you discern if this young man can love your daughter more clearly than a relationship. And nothing will be better for him long-term, whether or not he marries her. Pithy parables or intimidating mandates or climactic conversation (really) can be helpful, but so much more can be accomplished over time together.

Let your first couple conversations be mainly about him, and not her. Demonstrate that you really want to get to know him, not just scare him away. Learn his story. Ask about his hobbies. Study his relationships with his friends and family. Don’t be too proud to take some notes while you do. It probably should be said here that you might consider giving the daughter you raised the benefit of the doubt that maybe she picked well, at least before coming to any quick conclusions. At the same time, remember that even with the “good guy” a resume can’t replace some regular contact. She’s worth it—her faith, safety and well-being—to spend some time seeing him for yourself.

2. There are sharks, but there are a lot more stupid, but well-meaning, fish.

If you talk to some Christian dads of daughters, you’d think every young man was a drug lord, pimp or terrorist. This happens for two reasons. Dad might have the perception that every man is a walking caricature of the most discouraging trends today—laziness, selfishness, sexual immorality, entitlement and worse. Or dad might have an unbalanced or unfair standard—the guy who graduated top of his class at the age of 11, started his own business, built the brand new building for his church, and single-handedly rescued a third-world country from a corrupt regime (or something like that). Dad might unfairly be expecting a lifetime of wisdom, maturity, independence or faith from a 20-something.

Either way, fathers need to hear that there are lots of young men who have believed the gospel, been rescued from much of the worldliness around them, are demonstrating trajectories of the fruit of the Spirit, but are still immature. This kind of immaturity might be a reason to press pause on a relationship,

or at least slow things down, but it should not be an excuse for dads to withdraw altogether. What if these dads leaned into these young men at this point? What if they came alongside to offer loving wisdom, accountability and counsel?

Without a doubt, there are sharks—some in very good disguise—who are serious threats to your daughters. We, as the church, need to be vigilant—and train our girls to be vigilant—to identify and guard them from such men. At the same time, there are a lot of good men who simply need to learn and grow. It might be dangerous for your daughter to try to take this on within the context of a romantic relationship, even if she’s spiritually mature. But it would not be dangerous for you to spend at least a little time investing in him, naming areas of need in his life and development, and then providing some appropriate support to him in his growth (even if his immaturities mean he can’t date your daughter right now).

3. Make a man through modeling.

Have her boyfriend in your home. And I don’t mean just once for dinner. I mean welcome him into your family with some regularity. Let him see you love your wife and children. Model manhood for him—the manhood you want to see in his relationship with your daughter. And remember that your home is probably the safest place for them to get to know each other, rather than out and about on their own without loving boundaries and accountability.

More and more often, boys have never seen a man lead and love his family like Christ has led and loved his bride. A lot of them have never even had a chance. And you could be that chance for them, whether or not they ever see your daughter down the aisle. By doing so, you’ll serve and protect your daughter in all kinds of new ways—and not just your daughter, but any other young woman he would date or marry.

4. Don’t hide your failures.

As you model, you’ll discover more the broken and flawed example you really are. You’ll want to hide it—that’s not how I want him to treat my daughter—but don’t. If marriage is about our perfect love for one another, none of us is qualified and none of us is safe. But if marriage is about showing Jesus’ love for imperfect people, our flaws in marriage will help fulfill its purpose, not undermine it.

If he’s going to address his or her mistakes or shortcomings in their relationship with the gospel, he needs to see what that process looks like. Otherwise, it will look like the marriage might collapse if one of them disappoints the other. Your failures (and confession and repentance) as a husband and father will help prepare him to be a better, more humble, more Christ-like husband and father.

5. Daughters, if this sounds scary, you might need to break up with the boy.

Girls, if you’re terrified to have your Jesus-loving father more involved in your boyfriend’s life, that is a red flag for your relationship. Depending on the reason you’re afraid, you might even need to break up with him. God has given you a father for your good. God wants to love you and keep you and protect


you and provide for you through this man. And if your father loves your heavenly Father, God will use him to guard and grow your heart for Jesus. As awkward as it might feel at times, make this a qualification for a man wanting to pursue you, that he get to know an older godly man that you know loves you, preferably your father.

6. Dads don’t have to be dads.

Some of you may have been reading and becoming more and more discouraged. Unfortunately, physically or functionally, there are a lot of fatherless daughters in the world and in the church. You might have lost your dad as a child. Disease, an accident, addiction, violence—there’s no easy way to lose him. It hurts, and it keeps hurting.

But our God is not only a God for the fathered. More than anyone has in history, he loves the orphan, those abandoned biologically, as well as those who’ve been left spiritually. And he has wonderfully provided men to father when fathers can’t or won’t.

They might be a grandparent, pastor, uncle, family friend, neighbor or just a godly man in your church. In your average,

Bible-loving evangelical church, there are very likely faithful, Jesus-following, older men who can help you walk through this relationship. They can love you and your boyfriend well, and lead the two of you toward safety in your intimacy and clarity about the future. Perhaps point them to an article like this to help them help you.

Men, consider this a call to arms. Too many of our young women are giving themselves away to unworthy men because there’s no worthy man in their life to tell them differently. Their craving to finally be loved might cause them to make unhealthy compromises, but it’s far less likely if someone loves them enough to know what’s going on and keep them from destroying themselves.

Fathers, there really is another more effective, more loving, more fruitful way for you to care for your daughters in their pursuit of marriage. Be willing to take the initiative with the young man early on, and then be willing to follow through with some practical, gracious, firm, consistent disciplemaking. Our young women need this kind of love from you, and our young men need the kinds of examples and mentors that will help make them mature pictures of Jesus in their marriages and families.


I have never understood why some churches are adversarial with their pastors. To me, it’s akin to boarding an aircraft looking at the pilot and saying “I hope you crash” while you make you way to 28D and not understanding that if the pilot crashes, you crash.

Something happened at worship today that I want to pass along in the hope that it may encourage some pastor some where.

As I extended the Invitation to Discipleship, we had several members come for prayer. One member shared that her grandmother and herself were both having health challenges. Another member shared that he and his grown daughters were having health challenges. But there was a third individual (actually the second one who spoke) and I am paraphrasing was he came forward for:

The Lord had led him forward to ask the congregation to pray for Pastor Houston. He said that our pastor is busy, he preaches out his heart each week, he visits the sick, counsels with families about funerals, has multiple meetings and today, the Lord told him that the congregation needs to pray for him, and each other.

It was spontaneous, caught me off guard, and following prayers for the other concerns, then much church

prayed for me. One of the Golden Girls of our church led the prayer by my request (and how she prayed). I sat there for a few moments in awe of what God had done that morning.

I think it goes without saying that many of us who serve congregations experience the congregation serving the server. My goal is to serve the Lord continually and my church thought enough of the ministry that I provide to them, and as he said, not only here, the community, the state and the nation. It was touching because I’ve had some experiences that were not always that pleasant in the past areas that I’ve served (and all of us in ministry have that), but I would hope that the people of God that I serve would appreciate the service of their pastor - outside of a calendared anniversary.

Sunday proved it.

This reminds me of an old adage: If you want a better pastor - pray for the one you have. If you want a more loving pastor - pray for the one you have. If you want a better preaching pastor - pray for the one you have. If you want a more blessed pastor - pray for the one you have.

Prayer sure beats argumentative, hostile and woundings from an out-of-control business meeting. Thank God, we don’t have those - because we are believers first and foremost.

They Prayed For MeBy Pastor Robert Houston


Catholic Bishops Turn to Blogging and the Internet as the New Tool of EvangelismBy Carol Zimmermann

more than 1,000 miles across Michigan’s Upper Peninsula to visit parishes and tweeted about the trip along the way.

“That’s something you bring that can’t be replicated,” Palmo said, noting that people can relate to bishops when they share their experience and also feel close to them. “Your job as guarantors of the faith is to make sure the message has integrity and resonates with people.”

If the bishops had any doubt about the number of people, Catholics in particular, who use social media, a new study by Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate, confirmed that there is indeed a big audience out there, and that audience wants material that is relevant and also entertaining.

Mark Gray, director of Catholic polls and a research associate at CARA, gave the bishops and bloggers highlights of the study, “Catholic New Media Use in the United States, 2012” commissioned by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Department of Communications.

The survey, of 1,047 Catholics from Sept. 10-18, showed that 62 percent of adult U.S. Catholics, representing an estimated 36.2 million people, have a profile on Facebook; 58 percent of Catholics age 30 and under share content such as pictures, articles and comments at least once a week on social media; and nearly a third of all surveyed said they would like their pastors and bishops to blog.

BALTIMORE (CNS) -- A group of U.S. bishops and Catholic bloggers discussed -- and tweeted about -- how to use social media to spread the Gospel.

In the nearly three-hour session, the group of two dozen bishops and even more bloggers talked about the challenges in keeping up with the all-pervasive social media but also acknowledged the absolute necessity of doing so in order to reach people and connect them more deeply with their faith -- or put simply: to evangelize.

In question-and-answer sessions, a panel discussion and in small groups, the bloggers repeatedly urged the bishops to use social media tools at their disposal such as blogs and Twitter or Facebook accounts as a means to communicate a living faith in the modern world.

“(Archbishop) Fulton Sheen would give his right arm to have the tools we have today,” said Brandon Vogt, a 26-year old Catholic blogger and author of the 2011 book “The Church and New Media: Blogging Converts, Online Activists and Bishops Who Tweet.” Archbishop Sheen, who was declared venerable this year, was known for his preaching on television and radio in the 1950s.

Rocco Palmo, author of the popular Catholic blog “Whispers in the Loggia,” urged bishops to recognize that they have something unique to bring to the broad social media table.

He gave the example of Bishop Alexander K. Sample of Marquette, Mich., who kicked off the Year of Faith by traveling


An immediate takeaway from the survey was that the sheer number of Catholics online cannot be ignored.

Bishop John C. Wester of Salt Lake City, chairman of the USCCB Committee on Communications, said the CARA report “suggests many opportunities for the church to engage with those who live on the ‘digital continent,’” described by Pope Benedict XVI and urged bishops and Catholic laity to approach this online world as missionaries.

The bishop read a letter to the session’s participants from Archbishop Claudio Maria Celli, president of the Pontifical Council for Social Communications, which similarly described the online mission field.

“In this context, the role of the laity becomes ever more central,” he said, noting that the “voices of the many Catholics who are present in blogs, social networks and other digital forums are reaching people who might not otherwise encounter the message of Jesus.”

Some of the bishops at the meeting expressed a hesitancy to jump into the online social media world, noting that it could take a lot of time and that there can be a lack of civility in many online discussions and comments.

In a small group discussion, one bishop said he was overwhelmed by the concept of tweeting even a few times a day.

Sister Anne Flanagan, a Sister of St. Paul who writes “Nun Blog,” assured him that it wasn’t that hard, noting that just

during the group discussion she had already tweeted 10 times. The sister, who has more than 5,000 followers on Twitter, said she sees the value of making connections with people and drawing people into the church.

Other bloggers emphasized that the online world is a key place to reach young people.

Archbishop Joseph E. Kurtz of Louisville, Ky., took that idea a step further by encouraging young bloggers to help the church in this work, suggesting that they call their pastor or bishop and offer to help.

Bloggers in turn advised bishops to talk about the faith -- in quick and entertaining ways -- by linking faith to current events or even discussing movies in blogs or video reflections.

The bloggers, many of whom live tweeted the session, not only showed how it can be done, but highlighted its urgency.

Mary DeTurris Poust, former contributor to Our Sunday Visitor’s “Daily Take” blog and the author of her own blog, “Not Strictly Spiritual,” put it this way: “Facebook is the new parish hall” where people meet and look for spiritual guidance and connections.

“If they don’t find it in our virtual walls, they will find it elsewhere,” she said.


CHANGE SEATSBy Bishop Jerry Hutchins

Scripture: Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 18:2

I enjoy looking at optical illusions and trying to figure them out. In sermons I have periodically used the optical illusion that has the word liar written out and then from another perspective there is the image of a face. I have used the one that looks like two faces from one perspective and then a vase from another. These optical illusions teach me how to look at things from a different perspective.

In optical illusions, one person my look at it and see one thing and another may look at it and see something else. Surprisingly, both are right. Merely looking at it a different way allows one to see a different image. How many arguments could we avoid by simply looking at things from a different perspective? Solomon says in Proverbs 18:2 that “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” and in 4:7 he says, “and whatever you get, get understanding.”

Rufus E. Miles, Jr. is remembered for the quote “where you stand depends on where you sit.” It is foolish of us to conclude that our opinion is the only correct one when in actuality; sometimes it depends upon where we sit. Understanding requires seat changes. If you are having a disagreement with someone regarding a particular matter, change seats and look at it from their perspective. You both may be right from the seat you occupy. Leaders fail to understand followers because of where they sit and vice-versa. The same occurs with Pastors and members, employers and employees, wives and husbands, on and on the list could go. Change seats and see how quickly your understanding is enlightened.


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The Life of Moses

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