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A Definition

The C hivalric Code

The Athlete’s Code of ChivalryBy Scott Farrell– November 1, 2003

Bringing the Knightly Virtues to the Field

Today in America, surveys indicate that as many as two-thirds of children between the ages of 6 and 18 are involved in athletic activities— from team sports like soccer, football, softball, tee-ball, water polo and basketball, to individual sports such as ice skating, wrestling, gymnastics, swimming, track and golf. More than 60,000 parks, schools and neighborhood recreation centers in this country sponsor youth sports of some kind.

Athletic activities provide a wide range of benefits to kids, from improved physical health to “quality time” spent with parents and friends. But there’s a basic dilemma that goes along with introducing children to organized sports: How do you teach a child to enjoy competition without instilling an unhealthy “win at all costs” attitude that may lead to professional or interpersonal problems later in life?

That quandary goes back to the days of knights in shining armor; it was, in fact, the very reason why the Code of Chivalry was developed in the Middle Ages. In those days the line between ethical competition and ruthless self-interest was as thin as the edge of a sword.

In today’s world, we’ve seen many examples of how easily disregard for the rules in sports translates into disrespect for authority in other areas of life — in the workplace, in the political arena and in society in general. (How many news stories have you heard about the multi-million-dollar “bad boy” athletes selling drugs, abusing women, or vandalizing property?)

To combat the poor examples set by sports stars who lie, cheat and steal, many youth leagues and athletic associations are adopting codes of conduct and ethical statutes to help young players internalize the concepts of respect, fair play and sportsmanship. These codes emphasize graciousness, self-restraint, integrity and dedication — concepts that would have been very familiar to the armored knights of the Middle Ages.

Knights in shining armor were the greatest athletes of their time. They were admired as both warriors and competitors, but it was their dedication to the ideals of upstanding and ethical conduct that made them heroes for many generations to come — just as sports stars who combine personal values and athletic excellence in today’s world continue to be held in high regard long after they’ve retired from the public eye.

By emphasizing the connection between integrity, sports and the chivalrous knightly champions of old, parents and coaches allow today’s kids to learn more about the importance of ethical conduct on today’s “fields of battle.” To help with this, we’ve created The Athlete’s Code of Chivalry — a simple but effective pledge that incorporates the Seven Knightly Virtues. We hope that athletes, coaches and parents alike accept the challenge of committing themselves to training, playing and living by the Code of Chivalry as they pursue their athletic endeavors in the 21st century.

The Athlete’s Code of Chivalry

As an athlete, I set an example of integrity, honor and strength. I come from the competitive tradition of knights in shining armor, and whenever I participate in my sport, I pledge to follow these guidelines:

I will have the courage to prepare myself mentally and physically for my sport, to use all my strength and skills in every game, and to never make excuses for my performance on the field.

I will know and understand the rules of my sport, and I will play by those rules in all situations and circumstances so that every game is a fair and just competition.

I will share my enthusiastic spirit generously with coaches, teammates, teachers, officials and everyone who works to make my sport possible, because I know that I cannot excel without the support of others.

I will be gracious in both victory and defeat, recognizing that every test of my athletic skills gives me an opportunity to improve myself.

I will be honest, truthful and responsible when participating in my sport, because the bonds of trust that exist between athletes, coaches and officials create a safe environment on the field.

I will conduct myself with dignity and honor at all times, remembering that I represent the noble image of athletic excellence in every aspect of my life.

I will possess a positive, hopeful attitude before, during and after competition, because participating in my sport is a privilege, and I want to look back on my experiences with joy and happiness.

I will live by the Athlete’s Code of Chivalry, and I will do my best to always be an honorable example of sporting excellence for others to follow and admire.

Arizona Teacher Makes Chivalry A Classroom Rule

Teacher Cord Ivanyi, a Latin instructor at Gilbert Classical Academy, was tired of seeing boys physically push aside girls as they rushed through the classroom door. So at the beginning of this school year, Ivanyi told his students the new classroom rules about chivalry: boys would hold doors for girls; boys would ask girls if they would like to be seated; boys would offer to take girls � backpacks before they sit down; boys would stand if a girl leaves the room; and girls would be served first if food is in the classroom.

All boys will understand chivalry, Ivanyi told The Arizona Republic. It’s� � � teaching them social grace. It’s things they should know when they do go out on dates. All the students, boys and girls, were reportedly awkward �about the mandated chivalry at first. But Ivanyi, as well as girls quoted by various media outlets, say girls seem to be enjoying the chivalry and some chivalrous behavior is even extending beyond the classroom.

Mandated chivalry may be a well-intentioned idea. And it may well have taught some kids to be conscious of the basic concept of good manners, which is to be considerate of others well-being. Bu� t mandating chivalry in the classroom could not be a more misguided set of rules.

Any etiquette expert will tell you the definition of good manners is � �having consideration for other people: their dignity, their comfort, etc. And believe me, I will be the first cranky grump to start grousing about how kids these days and adults, fo� � � r that matter have no manners. I was �raised by a crazy WASP in Connecticut who, no joke, collects etiquette books. Mom used to poke us with a dinner knife if we had our elbows on the table. She once sent my brother to his room during dinner because he burped at the table. It’s unconscionable to her and as a result, to me � �that someone wouldn’t write a thank you note after receiving a gift, however small, or staying overnight at someone’s home. I sometimes feel like I am very, very alone in having been bred this way.

But good manners are quite a different thing from chivalry (which Amelia has written about here). While the idea behind having good manners is to be considerate of other people, the idea behind chivalry is to treat women as if they are of a different status, a special status even. � �Proponents of chivalry would argue chivalry teaches men to show women respect. I’m sure this is what the teacher, Cord Ivanyi, was thinking. But opponents of chivalry can see how that respect is just superficial. It may look nice and feel nice, but if you are really trying to teach � � � �boys and men to respect women, it’s a Band-Aid. Teach men and boys not to catcall women or girls on the street or to rank their hotness by number. Teach men and boys that women and girls are just as good at math, science, computers and engineering as men are. Teach boys and men not to assume a woman must have done something to deserve it if she says she’s � �been raped. Teach men and boys to be feminists who believe women and girls should be treated with respect in all areas of life.

Jessica Valenti, a blogger at Feministing, blogged about the Arizona chivalry rules and she has explained it well:

... [T]here’s a big difference between chivalry and manners. Being a nice person that opens doors for others (regardless of their gender) and being respectful is something that we should encourage in all people. That’s being kind; it’s mannered and it’s nice. Chivalry, on the other hand, is straight up based on the idea that women are weaker need to be taken care of. It’s insulting. It’s also a trade-off one that we’re supposed to be �grateful for for being at the end of the patriarchy. The world in which women are treated like delicate flowers who need dudes to pay for their dinners and put on their jackets is a world in which women are expected to live up to their end of the bargain by being submissive and embracing traditional gender roles. No thanks I’ll take �equal pay over paid dinner dates any day.

I think Jessica Valenti’s point about gender roles is really key here. Nothing about having good manners has to do with traditional gender roles, yet everything about chivalry does. That’s antithetical to the idea of achieving equality by eradicating sexism; I would even go so far as to say chivalry can impugn a woman or girl’s dignity because it points out how she is different from the man and must be treated differently. So really, when it comes to chivalry, who needs it?

I do want to be honest, though, that I am often the beneficiary of chivalrous behavior. My old-fashioned father has held doors open for me since childhood. My boyfriend holds open the car door for me nearly every time I get into his car and he paid the dinner bill on our first date. (I offered and did the reach, � � though!) My male roommate, a Southern boy, will practically grab heavy suitcases or packages out of my hands so I don’t have to carry them up the stairs. All the guys in offices hold doors open for me, too. These little acts of chivalry are well-intentioned and I do appreciate them insofar as it’s nice to have some help when I’m juggling, like, six packages in my hands.

But is chivalry necessary for me to feel respected by any of these men? No. Not one bit. Really, it is the manners inherent in chivalrous behavior that are appreciated and those manners (to give and to receive) are just as important whether they’re coming from John DeVore or whether they’re coming from Amelia. I would much prefer my boyfriend not slap me across the face when I won’t acquiesce to his request than I would he open the driver’s side door for me every day.

I am lucky that I have men in my life who treat me with good manners. But I can see the forest for the trees and I know what is the difference between truly being respected and what is for show.

Chivalry: Outdated, overratedI can open my own door: chivalry needs to die.

Chivalry is outdated, overrated and patronizing. It’s a new day and age, and all those ideas you have in your head of women being damsels in distress are senseless. Women are more independent than ever. So it’s time for everything to develop with the times and for chivalry to die for good.

Most of the so-called “chivalrous” acts are severely outdated and corny, and quite frankly no longer make any sense. All chivalry does is paint an unreal expectation of what dating should be. Dating has changed so much even over the past 10 years, making the chivalry of thousands of years ago so archaic. Part of the knights’ code of chivalry included taking care of the weak. The weak is referring to woman who up until just recently were commonly treated as the weaker sex.

It might have been cute to the ladies-in-waiting for that big, burly knight of theirs to open that heavy door, but women of the 21st century are fully capable of opening the door themselves. If a woman doesn’t ask for help, the man should keep his hands to himself. Not only is it a gesture that makes woman feel weaker, it is a subconscious male supremacist act. Women are fully capable of getting the door themselves, and it shows a great weakness to not get things for themselves. Opening the door for someone is seen as common courtesy for men and woman alike.

There was also a point in time when a common practice of chivalry was putting a coat or form of outerwear over a puddle so a woman didn’t have to leap over or step in it. One has to think if a guy pulls that move from his bag of tricks, he must have some sort of agenda.

Modern-day chivalry according to marieclair.com is a man being concerned about his significant others well being. It should be second nature to care about your loved one, but there is an extent to where it becomes patronizing. Women are fully able to function correctly without being babied. The second this is considered chivalry it becomes patronizing.

The problem with chivalrous acts is when they are premeditated to the point of being creepy. Women aren’t damsels in distress and haven’t been for hundreds of years.

10 lessons from the medieval knightsPolice are putting unruly youngsters through their paces on an eight-week "knight school", to teach them some of the ways of medieval knights. The Lincolnshire scheme has been hailed a success in improving behaviour, so what kind of lessons could knights teach youngsters today?

Knights of old were either virtuous and honest men who lived according to a code of chivalry, or a bunch of marauding looters who were lucky to get a good write up in the history books.

Whatever the reality, are there some values associated with chivalry which could be applied today? We canvassed opinion among medieval experts.

1. Generosity was important. Even though knights were of a certain status in society, with servants and followers, they were expected to be generous in handing out rewards. For example, in battle a knight may take quite a lot of booty but would be expected to distribute that to followers in recognition of their service to him.

Lesson for children today - Share.

2. Mercy is one of the key concepts of chivalry. Fighting with another knight, if one offers defeat then the other should exercise mercy and be gracious in victory. The whole concept of ransoming was based on this. A knight would honour and respect a fellow knight when fighting him or when holding him captive.

Lesson for today - If you get in a tussle and win, go easy on the other kid.

3. Loyalty to the king or the nobles was absolutely crucial. That would mean abiding by the rules and recognising that there's a superior authority and in order to be chivalrous you have to be loyal to the person above you.

Lesson for today - Respect your elders.

4. Exercise power responsibly. They didn't get rid of violence but they tried to limit it to justified causes.

Lesson for children today - Just because you're the biggest in the class, don't throw your weight around.

5. Protect the weak. There's also a sense that the strong should protect the weak who are unable to look after themselves.

Lesson for today - Stand up to bullies and gangs who pick on other children.

“ The chief benefit of Knight School is the remarkable improvement in behaviour ” Lincolnshire police spokesman

6. Justice. Seek always the path of "right", unencumbered by bias or personal interest. Recognize that the sword of justice can be a terrible thing, so it must be tempered by humanity and mercy.

Less for today - Fight for what's right.

7. Humility. Value first the contributions of others; do not boast of your own accomplishments, let others do this for you. Tell the deeds of others before your own, according them the renown rightfully earned through virtuous deeds.

Lesson for today - Give credit to your pals.

And a few lessons not to learn...

8. Crusading, which is about fighting for the faith and against those who believe in Islam.

Lesson for today - Respect other religions.

9. Wielding a very sharp implement.

Lesson for today: Don't carry knives.

10. Courtly love, between champions and ladies, which is rather inapplicable to the modern world.

Is chivalry sexist?

Valentine's day is fast approaching, and as ever we face the worrying dilemma over what etiquette is acceptable on a date. Would it be rude for the male not to buy the first drink, or would this get him into trouble for assuming too much? Should the female be grateful for a graciously offered chair-pulling service from her date, or should she feel patronised? The modern world is constantly blurring boundaries, and the results can be confusing to say the least. Is chivalry, by which we mean the act of men treating women with more care than they would expect themselves, or indeed treat other men with, actually rooted in sexism?

Yes: Chivalry casts women in a gender role they might not want to play, says Abi See

Old-fashioned chivalry: men opening doors, offering coats in the cold, helping ladies out of carriages. Walking on the outside of the pavement (to protect women from splashes or drive-by shootings, depending on the neighbourhood). Throwing their capes over puddles.

Chivalry is plainly a hangover from an older, indisputably more sexist time. "Chivalry", which we now use to mean the kind of small, self-sacrificial behaviours described above, is what remains of the knightly code of conduct that emphasised virtue, honour and the protection of the poor and the weak. The inclusion of women in the latter group is telling. Indeed the obvious and should-be-final argument against chivalry holds that such practices imply women are incompetent and men disposable.

But people are not so easily persuaded away from tradition, and the view that chivalry is sexist is unpopular. In response to the Daily Mail's typically confusing article "Men who hold open doors for women are SEXIST not chivalrous, feminists claim", the most popular comments contained misdirected anger towards perceived "feminists" fussing over non-issues.

But chivalric practices are not always trivial matters of etiquette. Forget opening doors - there are many common chivalric practices that are materially unfair, or downright sinister. On dates, it is common for both parties to expect the man to pay by default. Many people expect a chivalric man to "defend a woman's honour" should someone slight it, implying that a) honour is somehow more precious to women and b) she can't defend it herself. It is still expected that men limit their swearing and vulgarity in front of women and children, as if women don't understand or themselves experience adult humour and adult anger (the pairing "women and children" alone is degrading and infantilising).

Yet the public consciousness has a lingering attachment to the "women and children first" ideal. The Daily Mail's coverage of the recent sinking of the Costa Concordia ("So much for women and children first: Italian cruise disaster shows men need to be reminded of the rules of gallantry") expressed outrage that Titanic-style 1912 chivalry wasn't observed. Far from a bit of old-fashioned fun, modern chivalry can determine life or death.

As for the seemingly harmless romantic chivalry that is celebrated on Valentine's Day: this is primarily the chivalry of men wooing women (an important part of medieval chivalry), and as such it jars in a society that supposedly views women as equally sexually autonomous. And yet romantic chivalry is still marketed to women in romcoms, wedding magazines and jewellery adverts, portraying a world in which women are "treated like princesses", men get down on one knee and fathers accompany brides down the aisle. These aspirational ideals of romance are so regressive that it's surprising that they are aspirational at all. After all, who wants to be a princess? What is a princess anyway? It is a vague and unobtainable ideal of agreeable, delicate and virtuous girlhood.

This is the problem with chivalry - under the guise of generosity, it asks for something in return. Chivalry is a trick: it isn't just offered; it's offered with the implicit expectation that the woman should comply with the man's paternalistic notion of womanhood. It asks that the woman on the receiving end of chivalry play the part of The Princess and play it gratefully. Chivalry isn't generous; it's presumptive and oppressive.

Chivalric men say they just want to treat a woman like a lady. But what they really want is for her to behave like a lady. And I don't like what they have in mind.

Abi See is a second-year mathematician at Queens'

No: Chivalry, nowadays, is merely a mark of respect towards women, argues Kirsty MacLeod

We have all heard the old adage that the age of chivalry is dead, and you may even mutter it under your breath when some punk slams a door in your face without a backward glance. American politician Charles Sumner concluded the proverb by adding: "the age of humanity has come" - that we are all, in fact, just humans - a fairly bold statement given that "human" rights in America didn't yet extend to black people, Native Americans, Jews and foreigners at the time - let alone women.

So, does accepting that as human beings we are all owed the right to equality mean that chivalry is a necessary sacrifice to exclude sexism from society? Apparently so - because while it is deemed acceptable for women to adopt an attitude that borders on man-bashing in the name of "feminism" (for example in unashamedly female-targeted advertising), it is not acceptable for a man to take pride in the sort of mannerly behaviour that was historically associated with the highest orders of society - the word chivalry itself comes from the French chevalier, meaning knight.

It is hard to find a definition of chivalry that does not draw on these historical connotations of knightliness and gallantry. Of course, it is true that you don't even need to look as far back as medieval times to find that, historically, while women were being chivalrously jousted over, they were being valued predominantly as goods and chattels. But that doesn't mean that chivalry has to be consigned to the past along with bustles, a baby a year, and Suzie Home-Maker in her starchy apron. Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater. The idea of chivalry might make you raise an eyebrow if you are of the feminist persuasion, but it should be fairly clear that its antonyms, "rude", "boorish" and "dishonourable", are not ok as qualities in men. Lest we forget, being treated equally as women does not mean being treated badly.

Feminists come in many forms. As an example, I took my bike to a male friend to attend to some problems with my chain and to have the seat raised. A female friend in attendance was horrified that I wouldn't first try to do it myself. I won't argue that what a man can do, a woman can too - but by allowing a man to change a tire for me, or carry my bags (or yes, fix my bike chain), I'm not encouraging gender stereotyping; I'm just acknowledging that I'm not as good at something as some others might be, and sometimes that does mean men. Not to mention that as a woman I'm simply statistically less likely to own a spanner, and I'm not bothered enough by that to go and buy one. Most women are not as strong as most men - fact. But accepting assistance, even if it is just an opened door, doesn't mean accepting that you're weak.

Just as singling out and celebrating Black History Month isn't racist, singling out and treating women with extra care and "chivalry" isn't sexist. To say that it is, is to say that there is nothing special about women, and nothing worth celebrating with that simple action of deference and politeness. Femininity is the possession of qualities generally attributed to a woman - and we are lucky enough to be attributed with grace and humility. It is possible to be a strong, confident and independent woman and feminine at the same time. In a media-based society that relentlessly stereotypes women, it seems contradictory to condemn behaviour that is based on respect. Don't contextualise kindness. And don't ever close a door in my face.

Women in Chivalry

21st Century Chivalry

In 21st century, does chivalry have a seat at the table?

Modern Chivalry

Quotes About Chivalry

ISSUE:

MODERN DAY CHIVALRY

QUESTION:

Is chivalry important and relevant for present-day students?

Pro (advantages, reasons in favor of) Con (disadvantages, reasons against)