Life Skill Learning for Young Minds

The Art of Communication

July 2012

What is communication and why is it important? What is communication? The sharing or exchange of information (i.e.

thoughts, ideas, and opinions) between two or more persons so that there is common understanding between them.

If we are to be effective interpersonally, we should Have effective communication, Be effective in face-to-face communication, Avoid, or remove, the misunderstandings that

arise in any communication situation.

Communication usually fails – except by chance!

The normal speed at which a normal English speaker speaks is 125 to 175 words per minute. The speed at which the mind processes is 400 to 500 words per minute!!

This difference between the speed of speaking and the speed of understanding is called the ‘word lag.’ To the listener, it appears as if there are spaces between each word even the normal speaker speaks. We tend to fill up this bandwidth by doing things other than listening.

If our distraction is momentary, we come back quickly, and don’t lose anything. If we don’t, we miss quite a lot of what is said to us.

If any message can be understood in many ways, it will usually be understood in the way that can cause the most harm. In fact, studies have shown that if seven messages are sent, only one gets through effectively!

One Way Communication

When the sender talks, and the receiver listens, communication has taken place. If we restrict ourselves to only this, then we have One way communication.

Idea

Decode Idea

ListensReadsObserves

SpeaksWritesActsDraws

WordsActionsPicturesNumbers

Encode

Symbols

The receiver

Sender

Effective Communication We see that one-way communication does not elicit the best

results. So what else is required? If the communication is to be meaningful, then the receiver must give a response. He must acknowledge that he has heard the message, and understood it. This is called feedback.

Message Encoding Medium Decoding

Decoding Medium Encoding Message

Receiver(now sender)

Sender

Transmission Phase

Feedback Phase

NOISENOISE

Barriers and Filters to Communication The internal obstacles are

those which exist within the sender and the receiver.

These prevent the undistorted flow of communication. and hence they are called as Filters.

These are the feelings that exist inside both parties, like shyness, superiority complex, disinterest, pre-conceived notions or opinions, rigid attitudes, anger, disappointment, sorrow etc.

The external obstacles are distractions which exist outside both the sender and receiver, and prevent effective communication. These are called as Barriers.

Examples - Noise, language, cross-talk, distance, mechanical failure, jargon, visual distraction etc.

How to overcome the barriers

For the sender

• Be clear about the message to be sent• Be precise and to the point• Do not be verbose• Use a language understandable to the receiver• Write the message if required• Request a feedback to ensure receipt of message

For the receiver

• Be attentive• Concentrate on the message• Ask for clarifications wherever required• Listen objectively• ‘Listen’ for body language• Make notes if required

The importance of Body Language What percentage of the message is conveyed

by words, what percentage by tone, and what percentage by body language?

Research has been carried out on this aspect, and it has been found that only 7 % of the message is conveyed by words, 38% by tone, and as much as 55 % by body language!

As the ancient Chinese proverb says: “The body never lies, and the body never keeps quiet.”

Non-verbal behaviour patterns

Non-verbal behaviour patterns

Can you recognise these postures?

1 2 3

4 5 6

Can you recognise these postures?1 2 3

4 5 6

The Art of Listening “Is there a sound in the forest if a tree crashes

to the ground and there is no one to hear it?” The answer is that no, there is no sound. That

is because there can be no sound till the act of hearing it is completed.

Communication is not merely about talking to people. The people also have to listen.

Hearing vs. Listening The husband is having his breakfast, and reading the

paper at the same time while in a hurry to go to work, and the wife wants to tell him all the gossip. Is he hearing or listening?

Listening refers to the process of hearing a person, with attention being paid to his words, tone, and body language.

Active listening is listening carefully, with the added effort of trying to understand the speaker’s thoughts and feelings. Active listening also means showing or telling the other person that you have understood his message or his feelings. While doing so, you do not give any advice, you do not analyze the speech, nor do you question the speaker.

Active Listening Skills

Suspending Judgment

Attending Skills

ClarificationSummarization

Paraphrasing

Active Listening skills: Suspended Judgement Suspended Judgement : This skill consists of

Keeping an open mind. You do not have any pre-conceived notions about the speaker or the subject, and filter out any likes or dislikes about the style, delivery etc.

Concentrate on understanding the speaker. Hear his complete message without interrupting him. Make him aware that you have understood him.

So, while suspending judgement, You do not agree or disagree with the speaker. You do not ask him questions. You do not give advice. You do not start solving problems. You do not speak, but let the other person speak.

While not doing so many things, should you just be staring at the speaker? No, you use the next skill of active listening.

Active Listening skills: Attending Skills Attending Skills: This consists of giving a

response to the speaker, while he is speaking, by doing the following By maintaining eye-contact. By head nods. By making suitable sounds. By making verbal responses.

Active Listening skills: Clarification Clarification: This means doing two things

Checking the meaning of words you do not understand.

Checking with the speaker whether you have followed the subject correctly.

During technical discussions, this skill should be used extensively for both the words and the subject matter.

Active Listening skills: Summarization Summarization: After the speaker finishes

speaking, you repeat back to him, in a very short manner, the main points of what he has said to you.

Active Listening Skills: Paraphrasing Paraphrasing: In paraphrasing, you capture,

in a short statement, the essence of what the speaker has said. Paraphrasing can be done whenever the speaker pauses for a break. While paraphrasing, you avoid Names, Criticisms, Hard/harsh words, and Controversy. You only stick firmly to the facts. You avoid the emotional content of the statement.

Exercise: Paraphrase the following remark

“My boss, Mr. Raghavan, is a real tyrant. I have to work daily from 6 am to 9 pm. I am not able to pay any attention to my children. I am sick and tired of working in this factory.”

“It appears that your working hours do not allow you to pay attention to your children, is that right?”

Example 1: I wasted a lot of time in attempting the first

question, and as a result I had to hurry while answering the other questions. I don’t know if the answers are good enough for me to pass the exam.

“It appears that you are not satisfied with the answers in your exam as you spent a lot of time on the first question”

Example 2: Jyotsna came to my house, and said to

me:”Amita, I would love to have lunch with you, but after the last fiasco I think I won’t take the risk again.” I’ll never speak to her again.

Example 3: My parents interfere a lot with whatever I

want to do. They always keep advising me about everything. It’s as if parents never want us to do what makes us happy.

Example 4: Younger brother to elder brother: “You are

much more intelligent than I am, and that’s why mother is ashamed of me. She loves you more than she loves me, and I hate this.”

Conclusion Communicating – essential aspects The role of body language Listening vs active listening Paraphrasing

Thankyou!

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