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"What must be the primary goal of married life? It should be to complement one another and achieve the ultimate goal of a human life of attaining the bliss of liberation. In order to attain liberation, ideal worldly interactions are necessary. Revered Dadashri says that worldly life and ‘files’ do not obstruct liberation, but one’s own weakness in awareness obstructs. Worldly interactions are already unfolding on the basis of Scientific Circumstantial Evidences, then how can faults of the other person be pointed out? Worldly interactions should be filled with love, where there is no weakness of attraction, expectation, insistence, or blaming. There is no anger-pride-deceit-greed or sexuality. There is only pure love. And for this, in the worldly life, a one can follow the Agna (the five directives that sustain the state of the Self), to conduct such ideal worldly interactions that do not hurt any living being; this is the progress as the Self (Purusharth) towards liberation.

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Page 1: The Art of Eliminating Clashes in the Home
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DADAVANI September 2014

Year : 9 Issue : 11

Conti. Issue No.: 107

Editor :

Dimple Mehta

Price : Rs. 10

Printed & Published by : Dimple Mehta on behalf of Mahavideh Foundation, Simandhar City, Adalaj - 382421

Dist.-Gandhinagar.

Owned by : Mahavideh Foundation, Simandhar City, Adalaj - 382421, Dist.-Gandhinagar.

Printed at : Amba Offset, Basement, Parshvanath Chambers, Nr.RBI, Usmanpura, Ahmedabad-380014.

Published at : Mahavideh Foundation, Simandhar City, Adalaj - 382421, Dist.-Gandhinagar.

EDITORIAL

The foundation of Hindu culture is the deep-seated intent that the entire world live as onesingle family. Is it possible to see this intent become a reality in the current era of the time cycle?Putting the world aside, if this intent does not get fulfilled due to the selfishness of individualsin the family itself, then how can this ‘chariot’ (the self) reach the ultimate goal?

What must be the primary goal of married life? Fun and enjoyment or sexual pleasures?No, it should be to complement one another and achieve the ultimate goal of a human life ofattaining the bliss of liberation, should it not? And how can this goal be accomplished? Theanswer is, through the pure Self (shuddha Nischay) and pure worldly interactions (shuddhavyavahar).

What is this worldly life? It is a shop to finish karma. It is a place to pay off the karmicaccount of the past. In this worldly life that is like a mirage, how can true happiness be attainedwithout realizing the Self? As long as Self-realization is not attained, people wander around inthe worldly life due to attachment and abhorrence. But after having attained the Self, after havingattained the awareness of pure Soul, shouldn’t there be the goal to become free from karmicaccounts of attachment-abhorrence and acquire absolute detachment (vitaragata)? Only thencan there be the bliss of freedom in the worldly life, right?

Having attained this phenomenal Gnan (Knowledge of the Self and the doer), why doesfreedom, bliss not prevail? It is because of conflicts that are created in ongoing worldly interactions.What is the cause of conflict? Ignorance, and that is verily ego. Yes, after attaining Gnan, it isa discharge ego, but it is with the effects of attachment-abhorrence from the past life. Thus,when worldly interactions unfold, the awareness does not remain. In particular, engrossmentprevails with ‘sticky files’, and one not only becomes unhappy by finding faults, mistakes ofothers, but also makes others unhappy. How can this be called ideal worldly interaction?

In order to attain liberation, ideal worldly interactions are necessary. To reach the ultimategoal, both the ‘wheels’ of the Self (Nischay) and the worldly interaction (vyavahar) must moveequally; only then will the ‘chariot’ (the self) will move forward, right? If there is a ‘puncture’in the worldly interactions, then instead of moving forward, the ‘chariot’ will move around incircles…all that effort in vain! That is not agreeable to us, is it? That is precisely why, afterfacilitating the attainment of the Self, absolutely revered Dadashri provides the full testimonial

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{ Please note that ‘S’ Self denotes the awakened Self, separate from the ‘s’ worldly self. The Self is the Soul within allliving beings. The term pure Soul is used by the Gnani Purush for the awakened Self, after the Gnan Vidhi. The absoluteSoul is the fully enlightened Self. The worldly soul is the self. In the same manner, ‘Y’ You refers to the awakened Soulor Self, and the ‘y’ you refers to the worldly self. This differentiation is unique to critical understanding of the separationof the Self from the self a/k/a the non-Self complex that is accomplished in the Gnan Vidhi of Akram Vignan.}

The Art of Eliminating Clashes in the Home

One’s Subtle Karma Obstruct Liberation

Questioner : Dada, in the worldly life,if one has a wife, if one is married, and wantsto go to moksha (ultimate liberation), then thethoughts keep recurring in the mind that, ‘I ammarried, so how can I go to moksha now?’

Dadashri : Hey, your wife is not gettingin the way, it is your subtle (sookshma) karmathat is. Your overt (sthool) karma are notobstructing. I have ‘opened’ this (science). IfI did not ‘open’ this science, then fear andrestless would take hold within! Those monkssay that, “We will go to moksha.” Hey, howare you going to attain that? You do not evenknow what you are to renounce. You haverenounced only the gross. You have renouncedthat which can be seen with the eyes, whatcan be heard with the ears. You will be

rewarded for that in this very life. How canyou abandon your wife and run away? Is itpossible to attain liberation after abandoningyour wife and running away? Is it possible tohurt someone and attain liberation? So fulfill ofall your obligations towards your wife andchildren. And calmly eat what your wife servesyou, but understand that all this is your overtkarma! The opinion you have behind the overtkarma should not be such that it will bindkarma in the subtle. That is verily why I havegiven you these ‘five principles’ (Agna; specialinstructions of the Gnani Purush which sustainthe enlightened state after Gnan Vidhi). Theopinion should not remain within that, ‘This iscorrect,’ ‘Whatever I am doing, whatever Iam enjoying, is correct.’ Such opinion shouldnot be there. If just this opinion changes, thenthat is all that is needed. This is a new kind of

on how ideal worldly interactions are to be done; thus unfailingly and effectively teaching the artof worldly interactions, through which worldly life can come to an end without trouble.

Revered Dadashri says that worldly life and ‘files’ do not obstruct liberation, but one’sown weakness in awareness obstructs. Worldly interactions are already unfolding on the basisof Scientific Circumstantial Evidences, then how can faults of the other person be pointed out?Worldly interactions should be filled with love, where there is no weakness of attraction,expectation, insistence, or blaming. There is no anger-pride-deceit-greed or sexuality. There isonly pure love. There should be such care-filled love that the thorns do not hurt us, and theflowers bloom fully and spread their fragrance in our lives. And for this, in the worldly life, thehusband and wife have an equal responsibility of following the Agna (the five directives thatsustain the state of the Self), to conduct such ideal worldly interactions that do not hurt any livingbeing; this is the progress as the Self (Purusharth) towards liberation.

In the present collection, an on-the-mark and straightforward understanding of Dadashri’sillumination on how to be free from the karmic account with file number two through the artof worldly interactions is given. And this very thing is an invaluable gift for the mahatmas ofAkram Vignan.

~ Jai Sat Chit Anand

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science! This is Akram Vignan (the spiritualscience of the step-less path to Self-realization), which ‘facilitates’ people inevery way.

Complement One Another

Every religion has created the confusionthat one must leave his wife (for spiritualprogress). Hey, if I left my wife, then wherewould I go? Who would cook for me? ShouldI be running my business or should I becooking at home?

Questioner : So they complement oneanother?

Dadashri : Yes, everything iscomplementary. They should treat one anotheras divine beings; therefore, if they say that toattain liberation (moksha) you must abandonyour wife, what fault is it of the wife?

Questioner : And the wives will alsosay, “We too want moksha, we do not wantyou!”

Dadashri : Yes, of course they will saythat! You and the wife have a partnership.

One is helped by a wife to progressfurther in religion; both live together, and bothprogress further. But it turned into sexuality.Forget progressing further; they keepquarreling with each other. If the wife is therebut sexual interaction is not there, then there isno problem at all. Yes, even our sages andsaints were married! After one son and onedaughter, there was no sexual interaction; thatwas all. After that, it was a friendship. Youshould live such a life.

Worldly Interactions Should be WithResolution

Questioner : After Self-realization, howshould one conduct worldly life interactions

(sansar vyavahar) in the worldly life with awife? And with what intent should it be?

Dadashri : Worldly interactions with thewife should be such that both find resolution(samadhan) in it. Keep worldly interactionssuch that you find resolution and she findsresolution. Stop worldly interactions where shedoes not feel a resolution while you feel aresolution. And if the children say to you,“Father,” then tell them, “Yes, come son…”Do not say ‘no’ to him if he says ‘father’. Youshould be happy; with eagerness, say to him,“Yes, I am coming.” It is his role to call you‘father’; and you, the father should encouragehim. It is a worldly interaction, isn’t it? Andthe wife should not experience any hurt becauseof you. What do you think? What kind ofworldly interaction should you have? It shouldbe such that she will not experience hurt. Is itpossible or is it not possible? Yes, you havemarried for worldly life interactions, not tobecome an ascetic. Otherwise, the wife willcurse at me saying, ‘This Dada has ruined myworldly life!’ That is not what I am trying toconvey.

Employ a Solution That Will not Leadto Entanglements

It is like this; this Gnan (Knowledge ofthe Self and the doer) has been given to thoseliving a worldly life. I have not told you tobecome an ascetic, but do settle the ‘files’with equanimity, do pratikraman (recall of amistake, apology, and a decision never torepeat it) for them. I have shown you thesetwo solutions. If you do these two things, thenthere is no one to entangle your state. If youhad not been shown the solutions, then youwould not be able to stand along the shorelineat all, would you? There is hazard on theshoreline.

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Pointing out Faults is Like StabbingWith a Dagger

Dadashri : Does she ever point outyour faults to you or not?

Questioner : She does.

Dadashri : At that time, do you pointout her faults or not?

Questioner : I definitely do.

Dadashri : Yes, that is exactly what Iam saying. Faults should not be pointed outwithin the family.

Questioner : Please explain why faultsshould not be pointed out?

Dadashri : But how can faults bepointed out? What is the benefit in pointingout faults? Only an emotional person pointsout faults. No one has the right to point outfaults. How long has pointing out of faults beengoing on? Does anyone ever say, “This hasbeen ruined”?

Questioner : It happens a little, I pointout small faults.

Dadashri : Do you point out her faultssometimes or everyday?

Questioner : Everyday.

Dadashri : No, faults should not bepointed out. How can you point out faults? Ifyou point out faults to a friend, then thatfriendship would break.

Questioner : But why does she feelhurt when I point out her faults?

Dadashri : But what was the need tosay anything? It just so happens that our peoplehave ruined the entire home, by picking fightslike these.

Questioner : Yes, but if we were to

say something to a person on the street, thenhe may feel hurt. I think that members of thehousehold should not feel hurt if their faultsare pointed out. There is nothing wrong in that.

Dadashri : No, faults should never bepointed out. Hurt will always be felt. If youpoint out faults, she will indeed feel hurt. Donot point them out at all. It is paramount toinsulting her. This is a type of enmity (veyr)that you have for her. Or else, you are playingthe role of a dominating husband. “It is I!” Ohlook, the great husband has come!

I asked one man, “Do you ever pointout your wife’s faults at home?” He said, “Sheis full of faults, so I have to point them out!”I said, “Look at this sack of intelligence! Ifyou tried to sell this sack, no one would giveyou even ten cents in return. And here he thinksthat his wife is full of faults!” This is how peoplethink. How wrong does it look? Here, peoplefind baseless faults, and then say, “You haveno sense.” They will shout every single day. Afault should be pointed out when she truly doesnot understand the mistake, and when the faultis pointed out, she believes it to be a favor,she believes that, “He is full of sense”; that isreferred to as sense. She herself will say, “Itis a very good thing that you have shown thisto me, otherwise I would have continuedwalking down the wrong path. It is good thatyou have taught me this.” Then she will advance.You fool, if she advances (with regards tocooking good food), what are you going todo with that? You yourself have not improved!You yourself are not sturdy!

The Soup is Salty on the Basis ofSomething

I attained this Knowledge of the Self(Gnan) at the age of fifty, but even when Iwas about forty, I would add water to the

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kadhee (soup made from chickpea flour andyogurt) if there was too much salt in it. Thenone day, Hiraba (Dadashri’s wife) caught medoing so. She said, “You added water to it!”I told her, “I will not do that again.” I knowthat she too adds water to it on the stove tomake it less salty. We would do the same onthe dinner table. Or else, what would I do? IfI had some sheero (a sweet dish) or anythingelse sweet in my plate, I would mix it into thekadhee to make it less salty. I would dowhatever I could to make it edible. Then, Iwould not ask for sugar or anything like it. Soshe would not know that the kadhee was toosalty. I would not tell her that or ask foranything. If you ask anyone in our home, theywill tell you, “No, Dadaji has never saidanything.” Why should I say anything? Theones to tell her are smart, aren’t they?

Then, what do the ladies talk aboutwithin themselves? They will say, “He is meanand nasty.” Isn’t it better for us to just becomestraightforward, rather than them defaming us?Why don’t you become straightforward! Whydid the kadhee become salty? The answer is,‘It came to you on the basis of some supportingevidence. It has a basis. It did not happen justlike that, it is not baseless.’ This kind of talkis madness. He says, ‘She made the kadheesalty,’ because he does not understand. Youfool! Why would she do that? Even if yougave her a hundred rupees, she would notspoil the kadhee.

Interactions in the Family Should beFull of Love

Do not find faults in anyone in the home.What do you think about this talk?

Questioner : It is very nice.

Dadashri : Despite that, not everyoneknows about it?

Questioner : For many people, it hasbecome a habit; so what should be doneabout that?

Dadashri : It is not a habit, one wantsto be superior. One purposely wants to findfaults. Now, that is wrong. This is not calleda family. To be a family means to live with love.

Her feelings would be hurt. It shouldnot be such that she waits for the time to pointout your faults. You should have a beautifullife. Do you find this talk to be reasonable?

Questioner : Indeed.

Dadashri : Now, do not point out thefaults that she knows about.

Interference should not happen; the wifeshould not feel that, ‘He is needlessly trying toimprove me.’

Questioner : But what if the husbandfeels that way?

Dadashri : Then it would end up likeRussia and America. If Russia does something,then America does something back, so thenthey end up fighting each other, and with that,the family life becomes ruined. It does not suitus; some change is necessary. We are Indian.If we do not make changes after thinking aboutit, then how can we be called Indian? Did younot understand this, miss?

Questioner : Yes, I understood.

Dadashri : So you ladies shouldunderstand that you should not point out faultsthat the husband is able to understand. Thehusbands should not point out faults that thewives are able to understand.

Improve Relationships With Love

Questioner : What if some peopleunderstand their faults, yet they do not improve?

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Dadashri : They will not improve byyou telling them. Instead, they will do thereverse of what you tell them.

For all that needs improvement, it canbe improved through love. Of all these peoplethat I am improving, I am improving with love.Because I speak with love, nothing getsspoiled, and if it is said with the slightestabhorrence, things would get spoiled. Even ifyogurt is not added to milk, if just a whiff ofair touches the milk, the milk will turn intoyogurt.

Questioner : Are there expectations inthis love that you speak of?

Dadashri : Expectation? There is noexpectation in love. There is love for one whodrinks alcohol, and there is love for one whodoes not drink alcohol. Love does not haveexpectation.

Love Does not see Fault

Love should be everywhere. Thereshould only be love in the entire home. Andwhere there is love, no one finds faults. Lovedoes not see fault. This is not love; it is egoism.It does not feel like a fault where there is love.No matter however much fault there is, onewill endure in love. Do you understand?

Questioner : Yes, sir.

Dadashri : Therefore, if faults arise, letthem go in the name of love. Love endureseverything, does it not?

Otherwise, all this is attraction (aasakti)!At times, your wife will come and hug you,and at other times, she will reproach you, “Youdid this and you did that.” There are neverfaults in love. Love does not see fault. How isthis love at all? How do you feel about this?Do you need resolution in the home or not?

Questioner : It is definitely needed.

Dadashri : Should there be anyprovocations in the home?

Questioner : No.

Dadashri : If we do not see any faults,then we would know that we love the otherperson. Do these people truly have love forone another?

Questioner : Doubtful!

Dadashri : So how can that be calledlove?

There is Pain Where There is Separation

The wife says, “I am yours,” and thehusband says, “I am yours,” so then why isthere matbhed (divisiveness due to differenceof opinion)? As problems between the two ofyou increase, separation between you begins.When the problems get solved, then there willbe no separation. There is pain in separation.And problems will arise for everyone, not justyou. Anyone who has gotten married will notbe without such problems.

I have not had any matbhed with anyoneup to now, so then divisiveness due differenceof thoughts (munbhed) would definitely nothappen! Where there is no matbhed, thenmunbhed cannot exist. ‘We’ are theembodiment of love! Everything is verily myown. All of this is due to that love.

A person with the ability to think criticallywill carefully think and remove matbhed. Thisworld exists due to matbhed, and it issomething that should be slowly removed. Howdo you feel about this?

Divisiveness due to differences in opinion(matbhed) is a kind of clash, do youunderstand that?

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Where There is Love, There is noDivisiveness

Dadashri : Do you have anydivisiveness due to difference of opinion whileyou are having your meals?

Questioner : It does indeed happen!

Dadashri : Why? Did you make acontract to do that when you got married?

Questioner : No.

Dadashri : At that time, you agreed tobecome cautious when the time called for it.You should not use words like ‘mine’ and‘yours’ at home with. Speech should not createa division; speech should be without division.We are from a family that never divides, arewe not?

Turn Around and Avert Divisiveness

I had never had any divisiveness due todifference of opinion (matbhed) with Hiraba;we never used words such as ‘mine’ or‘yours’. But one time we did have divisivenessdue to difference of opinion. Her brother’seldest daughter was getting married. So sheasked me, “What should we give them?” Itold her, “Give them what you would like to,but we already have some silver plates at home,why don’t you give them those? Do not givean order for new ones.” She responded,“When your cousin from your mother’s sideof the family got married, you gave specialorders for big silver plates!” When she usedthe words ‘mine’ and ‘yours’, I immediatelyunderstood that I had lost my reputation. Whenwe were one, how could there be the words‘mine’ and ‘yours’? I understood right awayand immediately turned things around; Icompletely turned around from what I wantedto say. I told her, “That is not what I amsaying. What I meant was that you can give

them the silver plates and also give five hundredor so rupees; they can use the money.” Sheresponded, “Huh! How can you give so muchmoney? You are so naïve in every situation,giving money to anyone that comes along.” Itold her, “I truly do not know how to doanything.”

Just look, we were about to havedivisiveness due to difference of opinion, butI averted it by turning it around! In the end, Idid not allow any division to happen due tothe difference of opinion that took placebetween us. For the last thirty to thirty-fiveyears, we have not had any divisiveness dueto difference of opinion even in name. Hirabatoo is like a goddess! We never allowdivisiveness due to difference of opinion toform. Even before it forms, we understandand turn it around. You only know of a fewways to avoid conflicts, whereas I know ofendless keys and solutions. I resolve all mattersat hand; I do not allow any divisiveness due todifference of opinion to form. There are sometwenty thousand people in our satsang, ofwhich about four thousand are mahatmas (theones who have taken Gnan), but I do nothave divisiveness due to difference of opinionwith any of them. I have never consideredmyself as being separate from anyone!

Right Vision Turns the Wrong into Right

Where there is divisiveness due todifference of opinion (matbhed), there is partialKnowledge (ansh Gnan), and where there isno matbhed at all, there is the absolute science(Vignan). Where there is Vignan, there isabsolute Knowledge (sarvansh Gnan). Therewill be no matbhed only when you remain inthe center (as the Self); only then will youattain liberation. But when one enters theduality of degrees and where ‘mine’ and ‘yours’prevails, then one cannot attain liberation. Only

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the one who is impartial (nishpakshpati) willattain liberation.

What are the signs of right Vision(samkiti)? It is when everyone in the homedoes wrong, yet you turn it around and makeit right. To know how to make things right inevery matter is the sign of right Vision. Allyou have to know is how this ‘machinery’works; if the fuse goes out, how to make itright. You should know how to adjust withthe other person’s prakruti (innate nature ofthe relative self). Even if the other personblows his fuse, my adjustment will be there.But what happens when the other person’sadjustment ‘breaks’? He loses his fuse. Sothen he runs into the wall, he runs into thedoor, yet the ‘wire’ does not break. So thenif someone replaces the fuse, then he willsettle down. Otherwise, he will remainentangled until then.

Matbhed Results in Munbhed

This world is very vast, but the peopleof this world believe their home to be the entireworld. And even if they believed just that much,it would be fine. But even there, one fightswith the wife!

When a husband and wife fight with theneighbors, they will be united. They will tellthe neighbors, “You are like this, and you arelike that.”

You would think that their unity ispraiseworthy. Then when you enter their home,and if the wife did not put enough sugar in thetea, he will say, “I tell you to put more sugarin the tea every single day, but your mind isnever in the right place.” You fool! Your ownmind is not in the right place! What kind of aman are you anyway? Should you bequarrelling with the person with whom youhave ongoing interactions every day?

If you have divisiveness due to differenceof opinion (matbhed) even with your wife, ifunity does not remain there, then where elsewill you have it? Unity means to never havedivisiveness due to difference of opinion. Youshould decide with this one person (your wife)that you never want any hostility due todifference of opinion to arise between you.That is how united you should be. Do youhave such unity?

Questioner : I have never thoughtabout this before. This is the first time I amthinking about it.

Dadashri : Yes, you will have to thinkabout it, won’t you? Do you know how muchthinking Lord Mahavir did before finalliberation? Do you like having divisiveness dueto difference of opinion?

Questioner : No.

Dadashri : Divisiveness due todifference of opinion leads to fights andworries. If that happens because of differenceof opinion, then imagine what would happen ifthere is difference in thought (munbhed)?When munbhed happens, divorces take place,and when there is difference of the body(tanbhed), death will happen.

The one With Understanding Will let go

Do you experience divisiveness due todifference of opinion (matbhed) more or doesshe?

Questioner : She does.

Dadashri : Oh ho ho! What ismatbhed? Let me explain. Have you ever seenthe game tug-of-war?

Questioner : Yes.

Dadashri : Two to four people will pullon one side, and two to four people will pull

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on the other side. Matbhed means tug-of-war.So at home, you should observe that if thewife is pulling with all her might, and if you pullwith all your might, if both people pull, thenwhat would happen?

Questioner : It will break.

Dadashri : And if it breaks, you willhave to tie it with a knot. Instead of having totie a knot, what is wrong with simply leavingthe rope intact? Therefore, if she pulls hard,you should just let go.

Questioner : But of the two, whoshould be the one to let go?

Dadashri : The one who hasunderstanding. The one who has more sensewill let go, and the one who has less sense isbound to keep pulling! Therefore, those ofus with sense should let go. When you let go,do not do it all of a sudden. If you let go allof a sudden, she will fall. So, let go verygradually. Therefore when someone is insistentwith me, I let go very gradually, otherwisethe poor person will fall. Now, will you let goof it like this? Now, will you know how to letgo? You will let go, right? Let go, otherwiseyou will have to tie a knot in it and then useit. Does it look good if you have to tie knotsin it every day? A knot will indeed need tobe tied, won’t it? You have to use that ropeagain, don’t you? How do you feel aboutthis?

Let go, but With Caution

Questioner : Yes, it needs to be donefor sure.

Dadashri : Yes…therefore, let go andthat too in a way in which she does not fall!Then she will have the courage that, ‘He isbeing so noble, so I should also be noble.’She will think that.

Questioner : No one does that, nobodyyields like that at all.

Dadashri : The one who is wise will letgo. Otherwise, once the knot has been tied,the knot will not leave. Therefore, keep therope in the home such that you do not have totie a knot. Handle it such that it does notbreak. Should you not understand this?

Questioner : It should be understood.

Dadashri : It is whole, so then why areyou breaking it? After breaking it, you willhave to tie a knot, won’t you? “But I did notknow that I would then have to tie a knot.”Hey, you have to let go before it breaks,otherwise a knot will have to be tied. So, therope has once again been rendered useless.Therefore, you will have to understand thekarmic account; otherwise the knot will indeedneed to be tied, won’t it?

How can there be divisiveness due todifference of opinion in the home? It shouldnot happen to even the slightest degree. If ithappens in the home, and if you are thehusband, then you are unfit to be a husband,and if you are the wife, then you are unfit tobe a wife.

What is the Reason Behind Divisive-ness due to Difference of Opinion?

Questioner : Why does divisivenessdue to difference of opinion (matbhed)happen? What is the reason behind it?

Dadashri : It happens because thehusband thinks he is the one with intelligence,and the wife thinks she is intelligent! Here comethe sacks of intellect! You wouldn’t even geta dime if you were to sell these sacks! Theyare called sacks of intellect. Instead of that,you should become wise; you should see herintellect in operation…oh ho ho! How

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intelligent she is! That way even she will calmdown. But if you exercise your intellect andshe does the same, where the intellect startsto clash, then what would happen?

And I have never seen anyone withintellect anywhere. One is referred to asintelligent when he does not ever imitateanybody else; that is called intelligence. Thesepeople are all imitators. “I have learned byobservation,” one will say. These ladies havelearned how to make kadhee by copyingothers; they have learned through observation.They have learned to buy saris by observingothers, yet they will say, “I am intelligent!”

Eradication of Divisiveness due toDifference of Opinion

Questioner : What should one do toget rid of divisiveness due to difference ofopinion (matbhed) at home?

Dadashri : First, investigate what causesit. If you have a son and a daughter, do youever have divisiveness due to difference ofopinion because both of them are not sons?

Questioner : No, the hostility due todifferences actually occur over very trivialmatters.

Dadashri : Oh, in these trivial matters,it is simply egoism at fault. Therefore, if shesays something, you should say, “That is fine.”If you say that, then that will be the end ofit. But instead, you use your intellect there.When intellect clashes with intellect, matbhedarises.

Questioner : What should I do to beable to say, “That is fine,” to my wife? I am notable to say that. How can I remove this ego?

Dadashri : You are right, it is not easilydone. You have to practice doing it for a fewdays. Practice what I am saying for a few

days. Then it will happen. It will not happenimmediately.

She Will Avenge the Beatings

Questioner : Dada, many times I losemy temper and hit my wife.

Dadashri : You should never hit awoman. She will remain silent as long as youare strong, then she will overrule you. To beata woman and to ‘beat’ another’s mind are twocauses that will make one wander life after life.You cannot beat these two. You have to explainthings to them in order to get your work done.

I had a friend who would slap his wifenow and again; he would slap her the minutehe saw her make the slightest of mistakes.Then, I told him in confidence, “She makes anintense mental note (nondh) of every slap yougive her. You may not make a note of it, butshe definitely will. Hey! When you slap her,your little children are watching you intentlyand they too will keep a note of it. Then, themother and children will join forces and taketheir revenge.” When will they take theirrevenge? It is when your joints become weak.Therefore, you should not hit a woman. Onthe contrary, the beating will result in hurtingyourself; it will create obstacles.

Who can be called a dependent? If youbeat a tethered cow, where can she go? Thepeople of your household are like tetheredcows. If you beat them, then you are ashameless beast. Why don’t you untie her andthen beat her? Then she will either hit youback or run away. How can it be called aheroic act if you beat someone who is tiedup? That is called a cowardly act!

You cannot hurt the members of yourhousehold to even the slightest extent. Onlythose who have no understanding will do so.

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With Shortcomings, one Cannot Im-prove Others

Questioner : If he does not improveeven upon telling him, then should I notunderstand that it is due to some deficiencywithin me, and that is the reason why he is notimproving?

Dadashri : Yes, it is due to our ownfault that he is not improving. The fault is indeedour own, but it cannot be found. If we everdiscover our own fault, then we can becomeGod. The one who discovers his own fault, abig fault, will become God.

Questioner : So what should be donefor that?

Dadashri : One will not be able to findit! How can that fault be discovered? It iswhen he goes to the Gnani and washes off allof his demerit karma that the fault can bediscovered! Otherwise, one can see the faultof others very easily.

The Authority is Absolutely of ScientificCircumstantial Evidences

Questioner : Many times, the womanis right and the man is wrong, yet the man willsay, “No, I am right.” And he believes thatwomen do not have intellect; thus he writesher off, he does not allow her to have herway. What about that?

Dadashri : When does he not allowher to have her way?

Questioner : Meaning that, even whenthe woman is right, he calls it wrong, he doesnot accept it.

Dadashri : It is good if he does not letus have our way. There is no danger of anykind! And he is speaking according to ScientificCircumstantial Evidences; can he say anything

extra? He does not let you have your way;there are Scientific Circumstantial Evidencesin that! Is that a falsehood?

Questioner : But this understandingshould be there at that time, shouldn’t it?

Dadashri : If it is not there, then it willcome; it will come after you take a ‘beating’.Understanding comes after taking a beating,doesn’t it! Everything is ‘vyavastit’ (correctas it is).

We Should Become Calm

Questioner : Say the woman has thecorrect advice, but the husband does not listenand does what he wants to, then it gets spoiled,everything goes wrong. Then he harasseseveryone in the home; he gets angry and getsirritated with the wife and children, he hits them,he breaks things, he smashes plates. Then,what should we do?

Dadashri : At that time, you shouldunderstand that his mood has spoiled; makehim some tea.

Questioner : If one of the two doesnot stay calm and turn things around, then thesolution will not come out of this, is this correct?

Dadashri : The solution will not comeat all! Or else, the solution will come, but byincreasing the enmity. “Just wait until I get thechance….” Instead of waiting to get even, it isbetter to bring forth a solution. Do not waitfor the chance to get even.

If there is one person in the home whosays, “You lack sense,” then you shouldunderstand that he will continue speaking likethis; therefore, you should adjust. If you givehim an answer in return, then you will get tired.This is because he has collided with you, butwhen you also collide with him, then that provesthat you also do not have eyes, doesn’t it? I

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am trying to explain the science ofunderstanding the prakruti (the non-Selfcomplex). The Self is another matter.

Questioner : What are we to do if nomatter how silent we remain, the men continueto get angry?

Dadashri : If he gets angry and youwant to start a quarrel, then you should alsoget angry. Otherwise, you should put an endto it. If you want to end the ‘film’, then becomecalm. If you do not want to end the ‘film’,then carry on fighting all night long. Who ispreventing you? Do you like such ‘films’?

Questioner : No, I don’t like such‘films’.

Dadashri : What is the use of gettingangry? The other person is not getting angry,it is the ‘mechanical adjustment’ (the physicalcomplex of thoughts, speech, and actions thatwas charged in the past life) that becomesangry. He (the pure Self) is not getting angry.Later on, he regrets it, (he feels that,) ‘It wouldhave been better if anger had not arisen.’

Questioner : What is the solution tocalm him down?

Dadashri : When a machine gets hotand you want it to cool down, then you haveto leave it alone for a little while, and so it willeventually cool down. But if you keep proddingit, you will get burned.

There, Silence is Indeed the CorrectSolution

Questioner : When I speak the truth,then no one in the home understands me, andon top of that, they misunderstand me.

Dadashri : At that time, you have todistance yourself from the discussion, andremain silent. In that too, no one is at fault at

all. The fault is indeed ours. There are somepeople who, despite being neighbors, are likefamily and they understand what we are tryingto say even before we finish saying it. But whydid we not come together (as a family) withthose people, and why did we come togetherwith these people? Whose selection was it?There are all kinds of things in this world, butthey do not come our way; whose fault isthat? Therefore, if the family members do notunderstand, then you should remain silent.There is no other solution.

Questioner : But Dada, who will listento my complaints?

Dadashri : If you complain, then youwill become a complainer. I simply considerthe one who comes to complain to be the oneat fault. Why has this instance to complaineven come about for you? The complainersare more often than not at fault themselves.When he himself is at fault, then he comes tocomplain. If you complain, then you will becomea complainer, and the other person will becomethe accused. Therefore, in the other person’sview, you will be the accused. That is whyyou should not complain against anyone.

Arrive at the Solution with Multiplica-tion-Division

Questioner : Then what should I do?

Dadashri : If he seems to be wrong,then say, “He is the best of men! You yourselfare wrong.” If multiplication has happened inthis way, then do division, and if division hashappened, then do multiplication. Why do youlearn how to multiply and divide? It is to bringabout a settlement in worldly life.

If the other person is creating divisions,then you should multiply; therefore, the accountbecomes even. To have the thought about the

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other person that, ‘He said this to me, he saidthat to me,’ is indeed the mistake. If you runinto a wall while walking, then why do you notyell at the wall? How can a tree be calledinanimate (jada)? Whatever that hurts you islike a living tree! If a cow steps on your foot,do you say anything? That is how it is with allthese people. How does the Gnani Purushforgive everyone? He knows that these poorpeople do not understand, they are like trees.And the ones with understanding do not needto be told; they immediately do pratikraman(recall of a mistake, apology, and a decisionnever to repeat it).

What is the Proof That you are Right?

Questioner : If you are right, and hispoint is not correct, then you have to saysomething, don’t you?

Dadashri : What is the proof that youare right? You yourself are the judge, thelawyer, and the defendant. Therefore, the rulingis made that, ‘I am right.’ You are indeed thelawyer, defendant, and judge. That lawyersays, ‘Everyone is doing that, so I too need todo it that way.’ The lawyer teaches the wrongthing. What is the proof that you are right?And what is the proof that your husband isright? Is your justice exact justice, or is itaccording to your understanding?

Questioner : It is according to my ownunderstanding, which is why clashes happen.So should I believe that my point is wrong? Itcannot be wrong every time, can it?

Dadashri : It is wrong every time. Whydo clashes happen?

Divisiveness due to Difference ofOpinion Leaves When Opinion Leaves

Questioner : It is because the thoughtsare different.

Dadashri : Why have the thoughtsbecome different? (It is because) There is lackof understanding. Because you lack sense,when he wants milk, you say, “No, don’t drinkmilk. Take this yogurt.” If his non-Self complex(prakruti) has an inclination for milk, then youshould say, “Here, I am giving you milk.” Ifyour prakruti has an inclination for yogurt,then you eat yogurt. Everybody’s prakruti isdifferent. But you say, “No, you will have toeat yogurt.” What do you think? “Do not cutyour hair, keep it long like mine.” Would thatdo? Which one is right? Even he cannot tellyou, “I am cutting mine, and you cut yourstoo.” Justice should be fair for everyone; itshould be with understanding.

Figure out a solution such thatdivisiveness due to difference of opinion anddisputes do not happen in the home.

The solution for this is simply to removeyour own opinions (mat); then divisiveness dueto difference of opinion (matbhed) will notarise. I do not have opinions at all; your opinionis my opinion.

Ignorance is the Cause of Clashes

Questioner : Clashes happen becauseof differences between people’s natures, right?

Dadashri : The definition of worldlylife is clashes!

Questioner : What is the cause ofclashes?

Dadashri : Ignorance.

Questioner : Clashes do not happenwith just the boss; they happen with everyone.What about that?

Dadashri : Yes, they will happen witheveryone. Hey, it may even happen with thiswall!

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Questioner : What is the solution forthat?

Dadashri : I will show you; then youwill not have clashes with even a wall. Whosefault is it when you collide with a wall? Thefault is of the one who gets hurt; what is it tothe wall? If there is slippery mud and you fall,then the fault is yours; the slippery mud wasjust instrumental in the process (nimit). Youhave to recognize the nimit to be slippery andexercise extra caution. There will always beslippery mud, and it is indeed its nature to beslippery.

Adjust Everywhere

Questioner : But what is the reasonbehind the discord? Is it because of differencesin disposition?

Dadashri : It is because of ignorance.The very base of the worldly life is that notwo personalities match. The only solution isto acquire the knowledge of, ‘Adjusteverywhere!’ You have to adjust even whensomeone hits you.

What is the greatest pain of all? It isof the inability to adjust. What is theproblem with adjusting everywhere in suchsituations?

Questioner : For that, effort(purusharth) is needed.

Dadashri : No effort is needed. All youhave to do is follow my Agna (directive) that,‘Dada has told me to adjust everywhere.’ Soadjustments will happen. If your wife says,“You are a thief,” then tell her, “You arecorrect.” Then, after a while if she says, “Noyou have not stolen anything,” then again tellher, “You are correct.”

If you have to accomplish a task in a

short time, what must you do? Resolve itquickly by adjusting. Otherwise, will it notdrag on?

If you fight with your wife, will you beable to sleep at night? And the next morning,you do not even get a good breakfast.

Children Learn by Observing TheirParents

Questioner : How do quarrels betweena husband and wife affect their children?

Dadashri : Oh ho ho! A very badeffect! They make a mental note (nondh);‘noted its contents’. When they see suchconflict in the home, they make a mental note.Then when they grow older, they will taketheir revenge!

Our solution is to raise good, culturedchildren. Do not do things that the children donot like. Ask your children, “Do you like itwhen the two of us fight?” They will say, “Wedo not like it.” Then you should put an end toit. If children see good parents; then they willbecome very good. They do not need to betaught that. They will learn good values(sanskar) by seeing good values. Your conductshould be such that your children do not seeanything bad about you. Your children shouldhave good values.

So improve your life even a little; dosomething so that your children will improve.If you make the firm determination (nischay),then it will happen. Anything can be done ifyou make a firm determination for it.

Make it a Rule, no Fighting in the Home

If you want to fight, go outside and doit. Make that your rule. The day the two ofyou want to fight, go to a park and fight asmuch as you want, then come home. But do

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not fight at home. The day you feel like fightingwith your wife, tell her, “Let us go to a parkand have a nice picnic and then we can fightto our heart’s content.” Fight in a way thatothers will get involved, but there should beno fighting in the home. The Lord does notreside in a home where there is discord; theLord will leave. What has the Lord said?“There is no fighting in the home of a devotee.”A devotee is anyone whose worship is indirect(paroksh bhakti; through the medium of apicture, an image, an idol, and so on). Andthe Lord has called the one whose worshipis direct (pratyaksh), a ‘Gnani’ (the one withSelf-realization). How can clashes prevailthere? Only a blissful state (samadhi)prevails there.

Will you not Have to Let go of YourAuthority in the Home?

You should not hold on to yourauthoritative control (chalan) in the home.Those who do so will have to wander (in theworldly life). I had told Hiraba that I was a‘useless coin’. I cannot afford to wander lifeafter life! Where does a useless coin end up?He simply has to sit next to God. If you try toexercise control at home, will clashes not arise?From now on, you must simply settle matterswith equanimity. At home, you have to livewith your wife as a friend. She is your friend,and you are her friend! And here, no one takesnote of who is in control, whether it is you orher! Neither is it recorded anywhere in thegovernment books nor does the Lord takenote of it. Are you concerned about who is incontrol or whether you get to eat breakfast?Therefore, examine what is the best way toget a good breakfast. If the government kepttrack of who in the home has the control, theneven I would not adjust. But nobody keepstrack of it!

If your feet are hurting and your wife ismassaging them, and someone comes alongand happens to witness this, he will say, “Wow!You really are the boss at home!” Then youshould reply, “No, she is the one with control.”And if you were to say, “Yes, I am indeed incontrol,” then she will stop massaging yourfeet. Instead of that, you should just say, “No,she is in control.”

Questioner : Is that not considered asflattering her?

Dadashri : No, this is considered the‘straight’ way, and all other ways areconsidered crooked. In the current time cycle,this is a different way to be happy. What I amtelling you is applicable to the current timecycle. Why should you ruin your breakfast?The breakfast will be ruined in the morning,lunch will be ruined; the entire day will beruined!

With Knowledge that Gives Solution,Matbhed Does not Happen

The Knowledge (Gnan) that ‘we’ giveyou is Knowledge that gives completeresolution. Therefore, divisiveness due todifference of opinion never happens. Theremust be resolution for sure. There must beresolution at any time, at any stage, at anyplace. I do not have any divisiveness due todifference of opinion with anyone here or atany place. If someone says to me, “You are athief,” even then, I would not have anydivisiveness due to difference of opinion. Thisis because the poor man is speaking accordingto his viewpoint (drashti). He has a viewpointof some kind. No one can engage in falsehood.Even to engage in falsehood is a viewpoint.He may think in his mind that, ‘I am speakinguntruth.’ But he has the support of someviewpoint. Therefore, I do not have divisiveness

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due to difference of opinion with him. To havedivisiveness due to difference of opinion isconsidered a weakness. All these weaknessesneed to leave.

Improve Worldly Interactions withUnderstanding

Settle with equanimity with all themembers of your household. When food youdo not like appears on your plate at home,then settle it with equanimity. Do not aggravateanyone. Eat whatever food is served on yourplate. Whatever comes forth is a circumstance,and the Lord has said, “If you push away acircumstance, then that push will hurt you!’Therefore, when I am served food I do notlike, I will take at least two bites. If not, thena fight with two individuals will happen. Thefirst is with the person who brought the foodto you, the person who made it; you will havea conflict with that person, they will feelscorned. The second is with the food item; itwill say, “What have I done wrong? I havecome to you. Why are you are insulting me?Take however much you like, but do not insultme.” Now, shouldn’t we give it respect?Someone may bring a food item that I maynot like, but even then I give it respect.Ordinarily it would not have come to you, butwhen it does, you have to respect it. Whenyou find fault with the food that is served toyou, will that increase or decrease yourhappiness?

Questioner : Decrease.

Dadashri : Why deal with things in away that decreases your happiness? You shouldnot deal with things such that your happinessdecreases, should you? I am often servedvegetables I do not like, but I will eat themand I will even say that the vegetables werevery good!

Questioner : Is that not being deceitful?When you say you like something you actuallydo not; is that not pacifying the mindunnecessarily?

Dadashri : You do not have tounnecessarily pacify the mind. For one thing,the food will go down your throat easier if yousay you like it. When you say you do not likeit, the vegetables will get offended, the personwho made them will get offended, and thechildren will think that, ‘This meddling personalways does things like this!’ Your children willassess your worthiness.

Even in my own home, no one knowsthat, ‘Dada does not like this’ or ‘He likesthis’. Is cooking really under the control of theone who is cooking? Food ends up on theplate according to the account of the ScientificCircumstantial Evidences of the one who iseating. You should not interfere in that.

Oh, many times when there is no sugarin the tea, I still do not say anything. So peoplesay, “If you do that, then everything in thehome will get spoiled.” I tell them, “You peoplejust wait and see!” Then the next day shesays, “Yesterday, there was no sugar in thetea. Why didn’t you say something to me?” Isay, “What is the need for me to say anything?You will find out! If you did not drink tea, thenI would need to tell you. You do drink it, sowhat is the need for me to tell you?”

Contempt Reaches the Lord

Whether it is anybody at home, be ityour wife or your little daughter, you cannotattain liberation (moksha) if you have intensecontempt (tarchhod) for any living being. Ifthere is even the slightest contempt, that is notthe path to liberation.

Who is one contemptuous towards? It

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is not the other person, but the Lord (withinthat person). Therefore, whatever you do here,whatever you swear at him or her, it reachesonly the Lord within, it does not reach theperson. The Lord accepts all the results of theworldly life. Therefore, give such results thatthe Lord accepts them, such that you do notlook bad.

To not give pain to anyone even to theslightest extent is called the final ‘light’. Evenan opponent will feel peace. If you have anopponent, he will say, “This person and I havedivisiveness due to difference of opinion, butI have respect for him.” In the end, he will saythat.

Who is Harmed by the Inability toAdjust?

Questioner : Now I want thestraightforward path to peace in life.

Dadashri : Will you digest just onephrase in your life, digest it properly, exactly?

Questioner : Exactly, yes.

Dadashri : ‘Adjust everywhere’; if youdigest just this one phrase in your life, thenthat is more than enough. Peace automaticallywill come to you. You will experience difficultlyfor the first six months; after that, peace willcome on its own. The reactions of the pastwill come for the first six months, because youwere late in starting. Therefore, adjusteverywhere! If you do not adjust in thisKaliyug (current era of the time cycle,characterized by lack of unity in thoughts,speech, and actions), in this terrible time, thenyou will be finished.

These are relative relationships. You donot need to improve them. I even told thislady, “You are going about trying to improvehim? Should you improve him? The goods are

what they are; you should let it go. Adjusteverywhere.” In this fifth era of time cycle,you should adjust everywhere, and if you donot, you will die after taking beating afterbeating.

Don’t See the Laws, Please Settle

Questioner : Surely, adjustments cannotbe one-sided if we are to live and continueour worldly interactions.

Dadashri : Proper worldly interactionsare those where you adjust so that even yourneighbors will say, “Every household hasconflicts but not this one.” Such interactionsare considered ideal. You have to cultivate yourenergies in situations where you do not getalong with a person; there already is energywhere you get along with other people. Theinability to get along is a weakness. Why doI get along with everyone? However muchone adjusts, the energies will increaseaccordingly, and the weaknesses will break.Real understanding will set in when all other(worldly) understanding is locked out.

The Gnani will adjust even with a personwho is disagreeable. If you observe the GnaniPurush and conduct yourself accordingly, thenyou will learn how to make all kinds ofadjustments. The science behind this says thatto become free from attachment andabhorrence (vitarag), do not engage inattachment and abhorrence. You take a beatingbecause you have some strong attachment(aasakti) lying within. The one who becomesone-sided (ekpakshi), who insists onrenouncing (nihspruha), is considereddisagreeable and obstinate in worldlyinteractions. If there is a need on your part,then you must appease the other person, evenif he is being disagreeable. If you need a porterat the railway station and he is hesitating, then

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you may need to give him a few extra rupees,and if you are not able to convince him, thenwon’t the load fall upon yourself?

Don’t see the laws; please settle. Sayenough to bring settlement to (appease) theother person. Where is the time to tell peoplehow to do things? The other person may makehundreds of mistakes, but just tell yourself thatthe mistake is your own and move on. Shouldyou look for law (justice) in the current timecycle? Everything has come to a head here,and very difficult times are coming ahead.Everywhere you look, people are runningaround! People have become trapped! Whenhe goes home, then the wife has demands, thechildren have demands; at work, the boss hasdemands; if he travels on the train, he getspushed around by the crowd! There is nopeace anywhere. Peace is needed, right? Ifsomeone fights with you, you shouldsympathize with him that, ‘Oh ho ho! Howagitated he must be that he has started to fight!’To become agitated is a weakness.

Understand the Science of Adjustment

Questioner : Oftentimes, I have toadjust with two people at the same time overthe same issue. Then how can I deal witheverything at that time?

Dadashri : You can take both together.Oh, you can even deal with seven people atthe same time, if need be. If one of them asks,“What have you done for me?” Then you cantell him, “Yes, I will do as you ask.” You canalso say the same thing to another person; “Iwill do as you ask.” Nothing is going to happenoutside of Scientific Circumstantial Evidences.Therefore, avoid conflict under anycircumstance.

It is because of labeling things as ‘good’or ‘bad’ that the ghosts (of the past) harass

you. You have to make both the good and thebad equal. It is because you called this goodthat the other is bad, so then it harasses you.But if you mix the two together, then it will notaffect you. ‘We’ have discovered (the principleof) ‘adjust everywhere’. Adjust with the onewho is telling the truth and with the one whois not. If someone says to me, “You have nosense,” then I would adjust immediately andtell him, “I never had any to begin with! Whyhave you come looking for it now? You justdiscovered this today, but I have known thissince childhood.” If we say this, then it willprevent conflict! He will not come to us again,looking for sense. If you do not do this, thenwhen will you reach your ‘home’ (liberation)?

‘We’ are showing you thisstraightforward and simple solution. And it isnot everyday that clashes happen, is it? It onlyhappens when your past karma come intofruition, and you only need to adjust as muchas the situation requires. If you quarrel at homewith your wife, then after the quarrel, take herout to a restaurant and make her happy. Thereshould be no lingering link (tanto) of a grudge.

‘We’ refer to adjustment as justice.Insistence and obstinacy are not justice.Insistence of any kind is not justice. ‘We’ neverinsist on anything. Use whatever water you haveto in order to cook the beans. Ultimately, youmay even have to use water from the gutter!

If you do not adjust everywhere, youwill all go mad. People go mad from ongoingharassment. If you keep harassing this dog afew times, he will still respect you, but if youoverdo it, then he will bite you. The dog willcome to realize, ‘This man is worthless. Heharasses me every day.’ This is worthunderstanding. Do not argue at all; just adjusteverywhere.

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This Science of Adjustment is Wonderful

Questioner : If I have put in my effortto make the other person understand, then isit up to the other person to make the effort tounderstand?

Dadashri : You are to explain to him;then if he still does not understand, then allyou need to say is, “Oh Dada Bhagwan (theLord within that person)! Give him the light tounderstand!” You have to say at least thismuch. You cannot leave him in a limbo. Thisis not a falsehood. This is Dada’s science ofadjustment. It is a wondrous adjustment, isn’tit! And surely you must be tasting the effectwhen you do not adjust? To not adjust isfoolishness. This is because he knows that hedoes not want to relinquish his authority as ahusband, and he wants to keep his authoritativecontrol. So, he will stay hungry his entire life,and then one day he will end up with poisonon his plate! Just keep whatever authority thatcomes your way naturally! This is Kaliyug!Just look at the environment! Therefore, whenthe wife says, “You are worthless,” you shouldreply, “Very good.”

Therefore, you should adjust in theworld, because everything has an end. And ifsomething lasts a long time, even then you arenot helping the other person, you are causingmore harm. You are not only harming yourselfbut the other person too. Who can improvehim? The one who himself is improved canimprove others. If one is not together as far ashis own self is concerned, then how can heimprove others?

How Should one Adjust?

Questioner : Please explain how oneshould adjust.

Dadashri : If you are late for some

reason and your wife starts to complain that,“You are late. I will not put up with thisanymore.” When she loses her temper, youshould say, “Yes dear, you are quite right. Ifyou tell me to, I will go back. If you tell meto sit inside, I will sit inside.” She will respond,“No, don’t go back. Just be quiet and go tosleep.” Then you tell her, “If you tell me to, Iwill eat supper or else I will go to sleep,” towhich she will reply, “No, have your supper.”So you should be obedient and eat. Therefore,you have adjusted. So, in the morning, youwill get a nice hot cup of tea. And if insteadyou quarrel with her, then she will bang yourteacup on the table; her sulking will continuefor the next three days.

Where There is Love, There is Defi-nitely Adjustment

If you love one another, then there willdefinitely be adjustment. Anything can be saidwith love. A person filled with love is able tosay anything. So what are ‘we’ trying to say?If you become the embodiment of love, thenthis world is indeed yours. Where there isenmity, slowly turn it into love. It is becauseof enmity that this world appears ‘rough’.Just look at this embodiment of love(Dadashri referring to himself); no one feelshurt to the slightest extent, and everyone isso happy!

Questioner : Does the ego get in theway?

Dadashri : Yes, it is definitely that! Allof the problems are of the ego, aren’t they?The solution does not come from divisivenessdue to difference of opinion (matbhed). Youdo not like divisiveness due to differences ofopinion, yet it happens, does it not? When theother person is overly insistent, then you shouldlet go and go off to sleep. If you do not let go,

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and neither person yields, then neither will beable to sleep, and the whole night will beruined. Just look how we take care in worldlyinteractions, in business, in partnership! Thenshould you not also take care of thispartnership of worldly life?

The Positive Solution of Progress to-wards the Self

Questioner : You have told the men tobe noble and to say, “This is my fault.” If theother person brings it up again half an hourlater, even then they should say the same thing.What a wonderful solution you have shownthem! Please show us ladies too how toprogress further (purusharth). Please showus a solution such that a lingering link of grudge(tanto) does not remain!

Dadashri : All of you should then say,“That’s great. You are a great man to acceptall this. I cannot accept it. So, it is all over; ithas been erased. And as you are a great man,I ought to make you a cup of tea.” Make hima cup of tea or something else. You shouldshow him his greatness.

It Will Definitely Need to be Cleaned

Questioner : Dada, this lady says thatwe should not taunt or say anything to ourhusbands. We should do this kind ofpurusharth (spiritual progress), right?

Dadashri : Do tell them! How will thesolution be brought forth otherwise?

Questioner : This lady says that theman will demonstrate his nobility and be freefrom it, but now when these women keepcomplaining, keep fussing, then how manykarma and faults must they be binding?

Dadashri : They will not bind any faults(new karma). She will have to pick up this

account again. If the case has not been cleanedout, then it will have to be cleaned at anothertime!

Questioner : The woman does not wantto do it, but it is due to her nature (swabhaav)that she does it. Even so, she will still need topick it up again?

Dadashri : To pick it up again meansthat it will definitely need to be cleaned out.

Questioner : Will the woman who doesnot let go then have to wash it out again atsome other time?

Dadashri : There is no choice! This isjustice. Justice will neither let the king off norwill it let the queen off; it will neither let thejudge off nor will it let the convict off; it willnot let anyone off.

Questioner : I end up scolding myhusband, or would I be able to refrain fromscolding him?

Dadashri : It would be good if you canrefrain from it, but you cannot, can you! Youshould keep the intent that it is good to refrainfrom it as much as you can.

Take Care of Your own Departments

The man should not interfere in theaffairs of the woman, and the woman shouldnot interfere in the affairs of the man. Eachshould remain confined to his or her owndepartment.

Questioner : What is the woman’sdepartment? What should men not interfere in?

Dadashri : To decide what to cook,how to run the household, all that falls underthe woman’s department. Why do you needto know from where she buys the groceries,and from where she does not? It is a differentmatter if she tells you, “I am having difficulty

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in buying the groceries.” But if she does nottell you anything, then what reason do youhave to meddle? What is the need to even tellher to make doodhpak (milky rice pudding)today, to make jalebi (fried crispy sweet)today? She will serve it when the time comes.Her department is her own! If at times youreally crave something, you may say to her,“Please make ladoo (round-shaped sweet)today.” I am not telling you to not say anything,but there is no need for needless complainingsuch as, “There is too much salt in the kadhee,it is too salty.”

How many different functions take placeon a railway line! There are so many signalscoming from so many places, so manymessages that are coming, that it is adepartment of its own. Still, there will bemistakes, won’t there? In the same way, theremay sometimes be mistakes in your wife’sdepartment. Now, if you start pointing outthese mistakes, she will do the same to you.She will start to complain, “You do not dothis,” and “You do not do that.” “Theinstructions were this and you did that.”Therefore, she will get even with you. If Iwere to start pointing out your mistakes, thenyou would be eager to do the same to me!Therefore, a wise man would never interferein domestic matters; that is called a real man.Some men are like women; they will go intothe kitchen and check the spice containers.They will say, “We bought chili powder twomonths ago and it is almost finished?” Youfool! If you worry about the chili powder,then when will it end? Don’t you think thatshe knows about her responsibilities? Thingsget used up and are restocked. But heneedlessly tries to be over wise! Then thewife will also come to know that her husbandis not very bright. Just as a horse comes to

know the way of its rider, the wife too willcome to know all about her husband. [Asthe saying goes,] ‘If the husband maintainshis boundaries, then the wife will remainrespectful.’ If the husband does not maintainhis boundaries, then how will the wife remainrespectful? Your interactions should haveprinciples and limits. Do not cross yourboundaries and remain clear.

Do not Interfere in Each Other’s Accounts

Questioner : In which of her husband’saffairs should the wife not interfere?

Dadashri : She should not interfere inany of his affairs. “How much stock came tothe shop? How much was sold? Why did youcome home late today?” He will then have tosay, “I missed the nine o’clock train.” Thenshe will say, “How careless of you to missyour train!” So then he will get irritated andthink to himself, “Even if God were to saysuch things, I would take him to task.” Butwhat can he do here? This is how she meddleswithout any reason. What enjoyment will youget if you eat your tasty basmati rice afterputting sand in it? Husbands and wives shouldhelp each other. If the husband has a lot ofworries, then the wife should speak to him ina manner that will put an end to the worries.Similarly, the husband should look out for hiswife such that she does not have trouble. Thehusband should understand how much troublethe children are giving her at home! If somethingbreaks in the home, the husband should notcomplain. Yet, the husband will shout that, “Ibought a dozen of the nicest cups and saucerslast time; why did you shatter all of them? Youhave destroyed everything!” So then the wifethinks, “I shattered them? Why would I dothat? If they broke, they broke, what can I doabout it?” There will be fighting even over that.

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You fight even where there is no reason forfighting?

Hiraba and I never have any differenceof opinion. I never interfere with anything shedoes. Even if I see money drop from her hands,I will not say to her, “Do you know that youdropped some money?” I never interfere inany domestic matters. She too never interferesin my affairs. She never asks what time I wakeup, when I take my bath, what time I willcome home, what time I will leave. And ifsometimes she when tells me, “Take a bathearly today,” then I will immediately ask formy clothes and take a bath. I will even fetchmy own towel because I know that she iswaving a red flag. Therefore, she must havesome reason behind it! There must be somereason, such as the water is going to be shutoff; therefore I understand. So, you too shouldunderstand a little about worldly interactions,that it is worth not interfering in anyone else’sbusiness.

If a police officer were to arrest youand take you away, would you not do as youare told? Would you not sit where you aretold? You should understand that as long asyou are in this world, you are underarrest. Therefore, become straightforwardeven in this.

Live in the Home as a Guest

Are you served dinner at home or not?

Questioner : I am.

Dadashri : You are served what youwant, your bed is made for you, then whatelse do you need? And even if she does notmake your bed, you can make it yourself andsolve the problem. You need to explaineverything patiently. Is what is good for youand what is harmful to you in the worldly life

written in the Bhagavad Gita? You will haveto understand it on your own, won’t you?

‘Husband’ means the wife of the wife!But here, men become the boss! You fools!Hey, is your wife is going to become yourhusband? There should be no raised voices inthe home. Are you a loud speaker? Thesepeople fight so loudly that they can be heardat the end of the street! Live like a guest inyour home. I too live like a guest at home. Ifyou do not find happiness as a guest of nature,what happiness do you expect to find at yourin-laws’ home?

Clear it With Pratikraman

Questioner : If there is a husband anda wife, and if one of them has formed thehabit of incessantly criticizing, then at that time,the one who has taken Dada’s Gnan knowsthat this is going in the wrong direction, itmust be turned around, but there is such athick veil (of ignorance; avaran) within. Heunderstands that he is making a mistake, yethe still does it. What kind of veil is this andwhat kind of karma is this? Is there a wayto stop him; is there an instant key for him atthat time?

Dadashri : Scientific CircumstantialEvidences cannot change. The ‘photo’(blueprint) has been taken. A bad ‘photo’ hasbeen taken. Right now, we definitely feel thatthere is no need to take this ‘photo’, but hey,it has already been taken; that is why this ishappening!

Questioner : But at that time, hebecomes emotional and ruins everything. Hewill ruin Dada’s Gnan too, for five to tenminutes or an hour or half a day. So what kindof karma are then bound?

Dadashri : There, everything is Scientific

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Circumstantial Evidences. The ‘photo’ hasbeen taken, so what can be done? It is againstyour desire.

Questioner : Can that be considered aspiritual roadblock (atkan)?

Dadashri : No. You did not take carewhen you initially took the ‘photo’. Now,because of this Gnan (Knowledge of the Selfand the doer), you do take care; otherwise,you would be careless even now.

Questioner : So then should it bewashed off with pratikraman (recall of amistake, apology, and a decision never torepeat it)?

Dadashri : That is all, nothing else.

Questioner : But Dada, at that time Ifeel so much pain that, ‘Oh! I have ruined somuch!’

Dadashri : No, no, nothing has beenruined.

Questioner : Do we bind karma atthat time? Do people bind karma during this;during the discharging of karma that ishappening?

Dadashri : No, karma are not boundin that. If it has not been cleared, then it needsto be cleared. We will indeed have to clearthem.

Questioner : On the basis of this‘photo’ that has been taken previously, in thenext life, the entire day he just keeps doingeverything according to the photo that has beentaken. So then he continues with his verbalabuse, he keeps picking fights…

Dadashri : No, you have to tell theone who is doing it that, ‘Brother, why areyou doing this? Do pratikraman now.’ If youdo pratikraman, then you are free. Now, the

one who does pratikraman becomes free;otherwise, he will have to unravel the ‘file’again.

The world is entirely ‘clear’. What canbe done if we do not know how to remainclear? What can the world do about that?

Sew Together What the Other PersonTears

Questioner : Sometimes I feel pain thathe has taken Gnan and I have taken Gnan,then why does this still happen?

Dadashri : This is all unfolding ofkarma. You should do pratikraman for that.This (karma) will not refrain from giving ablow. It may not be his desire to do this, yetthe blows of karma will continue. There is nochoice but to suffer the karma!

Questioner : I feel like doing somethinggood for him but I end up spoiling it and I endup branded as being wrong.

Dadashri : What is wrong with that?Whatever happens is correct. The one whowants to do good should have no fearwhatsoever. For the one who wants to dobad, he will never prosper, no matter howmuch he fears. Therefore, you should maintainthe decision that you want to do good.

Questioner : I used to feel a lot of fearbefore, now I do not fear.

Dadashri : But there is no need to evensay that. You should do pratikraman.

These are all relative relationships, theyare not real relationships. If you do not dopratikraman, then they will ‘tear’. What isthe meaning of pratikraman? To sew. If theother person tears, and you sew (repair), thenthe cloth will last. But if the other person tearsand you tear, then what will be left?

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The Obstruction is due to Lack ofAwareness, not ‘Files’

Questioner : Dadaji, you have giventhis Gnan (Knowledge of the Self and thedoer). Now, if we practice the art of refrainingfrom speaking, and see the pure Soul ineveryone and bow to them with reverence fromwithin, then the ‘sticky file’ will be cleared,right?

Dadashri : A ‘file’ means that thoughtswill not refrain from coming, and you cannotrefrain from speaking. The art of refraining fromspeaking will not work there.

Questioner : But there must be a way,Dadaji?

Dadashri : You have to keep a traineddiscipline (niyam) that you do not want tospeak at times. If speech comes forthnevertheless, then that is the sign of a ‘file’.The speech will come out depending on the‘stickiness’ of the ‘file’. Otherwise, if youdecide that you do not want to speak, thenthe speech may even not come out. With a‘file’ that is ‘sticky’, you will end up sayingsomething even though you do not want to.But you should decide that you do not wantto speak. After deciding in your mind that youdo not want to speak, think, or act withreference to that individual, then settle the ‘file’with equanimity. These are considered ‘files’.You cannot say, “This file is obstructing me.The ‘files’ will indeed settle on their own. Whatis obstructing you? The weakness in yourawareness (as the Self) is the obstruction. Thefile will definitely settle; it may take six to twelvemonths, but it will settle. You do not need toconcentrate on it too much. Decide that Youwant to settle the ‘file’. That way when youcome across the ‘file’, that decision will bepresent in Your awareness.

How Powerful is this Gnan?

A ‘file’ is someone who speaks veryobnoxiously (trutium). It is so obnoxious that itwill give you a headache! They are words thatgive you a headache. Now, why do they usethose words? It is because they are a ‘file’; asticky ‘file’. Later in their mind, the ‘file’ wouldfeel, ‘I have this Gnan, so this should not happen.’Otherwise, they would become stuck on, ‘I amright’; that is what they would believe! But here(with Gnan), they will immediately understandthat, ‘I am wrong’. Wouldn’t you realize thatyou made a mistake, after an hour or so!

Questioner : I will know it immediately.

Dadashri : Immediately! See howpowerful this Gnan is? Even this Gnan is soeffective!

There are Tools Here to pay off theKarmic Account

The entire world is indeed a karmicaccount (hisaab), and to settle that karmicaccount, we have alochana-pratikraman-pratyakhyan (recall of a mistake-apology-resolve never to repeat it) here. Others (thosewithout Self-realization) do not have any toolsto settle this karmic account. We have thetool of alochana-pratikraman-pratyakhyan.Are you paying some of it off now? All youhave to do is pay off the account, right? Whatelse do you have to do?

Nobody has the power (satta) to harassanyone and nobody has the power to endureanything. All these people are merely ‘dolls’.They go about carrying on their business. Ifwe do pratikraman, these ‘dolls’ becomestraightforward on their own.

Bring a Solution for Discharge WorldlyInteractions Quickly

You have to understand worldly

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interactions first. People take all kinds ofbeatings because they do not have thisunderstanding.

Questioner : Dada, your spiritual talksare unparalleled, but so are your talks aboutworldly interactions.

Dadashri : It is like this; no one hasattained liberation without understanding theultimate facts about worldly interactions. It doesnot matter how priceless the spiritual knowledgeis; without understanding worldly interactions,no one has attained liberation. This is becauseworldly interactions are the ones to free you,aren’t they? If it does not set you free, thenwhat would you do? You are indeed a pureSoul, but only if worldly interactions set youfree, right? You keep entangling your worldlyinteractions. Why do not you bring about asolution quickly?

Say you tell this man, “Go, get some icecream from the store.” But he comes backafter going halfway. If you ask him why, hewill say, “Because I came across a donkey! Itis a bad omen!” Now since this man hasacquired wrong knowledge, should you notget rid of it? You should explain to him that,“Brother, God resides in the donkey, so it isnot a bad omen. If you have contempt towardsthe donkey, then it will reach the God within,therefore you committing a tremendous liability.Do not do this again.” This is how wrongknowledge is; people are not able to adjustbecause of it.

Pure Worldly Interactions to AttainLiberation

The kramic path means that the onewith pure worldly interactions (shuddhavyavahar) becomes pure Soul(Shuddhatma), while the Akram path means

that one first becomes pure Soul, and thenpurifies the worldly interactions. All theworldly interactions exist in pure worldlyinteractions, but they are with detachment(vitaragata). Pure worldly interactions beginwhen a person is about to attain final liberationin one or two lives.

When worldly interactions do not touchYou, that is called the Self (Nischay)! Settleyour worldly interactions in such way that itdoes not affect You (the Self; Nischay), then itdoes not matter what the worldlyinteraction is.

There is a difference between cleanworldly interactions and pure worldlyinteractions. If worldly interactions are keptclean, then that falls under humanity (maanavdharma), whereas pure worldly interactionswill take one to liberation. When one does notquarrel with anyone in the home or elsewhere;it is referred to as clean worldly interactions.And what is referred to as ideal worldlyinteractions (aadarsh vyavahar)? One thatspreads its own fragrance is ideal worldlyinteraction.

Get Your Work Done While Acting inthe Drama

Will you not have to understand thatthere is no happiness in this worldly life? Yourbrothers insult you, the wife insults you, thechildren insult you! These are all ‘dramatic’worldly interactions; will they come with youwhen you die?

You are the pure Soul and these worldlyinteractions need to be kept superficial. ‘You’should remain in your ‘home department’ (theSelf), and remain ‘superfluous’ in the ‘foreigndepartment’ (the non-Self). ‘Superfluous’means to not have the tendency to become

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engrossed (tanmayakar vrutti); it means toremain ‘dramatic’. All you have to do is toplay your part in this ‘drama’. You should laugheven if you incur a loss in this drama, and youshould laugh even if you incur a profit. Falseshowing off (dekhav) needs to be done in thisdrama. You have to act out exactly how youwould feel if you were to incur a loss. Youwould even say out loud that a lot of loss hasbeen incurred, but within, you would notbecome engrossed. You should be relaxed andunconcerned within. Don’t some people say,“My relationship with him is casual!” Remainin the same way with the entire world. Theone who knows how to remain casual andunconcerned (detached) with the entire worldbecomes a Gnani. ‘We’ have detachmenteven with the body! ‘We’ always keepdetachment with everyone, yet they all say,“You keep such affection for us.” I fulfill all myworldly interactions, but by remaining withinthe Self. In order to dissipate his karma, LordMahavir had to walk sixty miles to go to aplace with uncivilized people, while peopletoday are so fortunate that they find suchindividuals in their very homes! Whattremendous fortune! This is extremely beneficialfor clearing out karma, provided that youremain in Gnan.

Resolve Worldly Interactions by Re-maining in Agna

‘We’ have said that if you experienceworries after taking Gnan , then theresponsibility is ‘ours’! But these Agna needto followed. The Agna are not even difficult.You should start practicing.

Questioner : I have started to.

Dadashri : You have started to? Keeppracticing right now. Otherwise, this is not aneasy thing. If you have a new engine, then it

may not run because it has not yet beensmoothed. So you would need to keepturning the handle to smoothen it out. Youhave to be accommodating with a new wifetoo. If everything is new, then you have tohelp her adjust. If the wife sulks on the firstday and you sulk too, then what good willcome of it? If she sulks, then gently tell her,“Do not worry, we are indeed one.” Dealwith it by coaxing her in this way. If she sulksand you sulk, then what would happen? Youshould know how to deal with her, shouldyou not?

See, everyone becomes happy, do theynot? Do you need to understand this talk ornot? I have come here to make you free(swatantra).

In Reality, Only one Home Needs to bewon Over

This worldly life remains only becauseof the people in the home. One does not knowhow to benefit from the home. This is an‘association’ of five to six people. In reality,the world does not need to be conquered; thehome needs to be conquered.

Worldly interactions at home should bemade beautiful. If the accounts are made suchthat the wife will think, ‘I will never find ahusband like this,’ and the husband will think,‘I will never find a wife life this,’ then you aregood!

‘We’ have made very subtle discoveriesabout this worldly life. ‘We’ talk about all thesethings after having made the ultimatediscoveries. ‘We’ show you how to carry outworldly interactions, and ‘we’ also show youhow to go to moksha (liberation). ‘Our’purpose is to lessen your troubles.

~ Jai Sat Chit Anand

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Watch Pujya Deepakbhai on T.V. Channels

India DD-National, Every Tuesday to Friday 9:30 to 10 AM (Hindi)

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DADAVANI

Satsang & Gnanvidhi Programs in the presence of Pujya Deepakbhai

Adalaj Trimandir

Dt. 23 October (Thu), 8 to 10 pm - Special Bhakti on the occassion of Diwali Festival

Dt. 24 October (Fri), 8-30 am to 1 pm - Darshan-Pujan on the occassion of Guj. New Year

Dt. 1 November (Sat), 4-30 to 7 pm - Satsang & 2 November (Sun), 3-30 to 7 pm - Gnanvidhi

A Grand 107th Birthday Celebration ofParam Pujya Dada Bhagwan (Dadashri)

Opening Ceremony: 5th November, 5 pm Onwords & Satsang 8 pm to 10-30 pm

Birth Anniversary : 6th November, 8 am to 1 pm, 4-30 pm to 6-30 pm

Satsang : 7th November, 9-30 am to 12 pm & 8 to 10-30 pm

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