the align your purpose program step four:...

The Align Your Purpose Program

STEP FOUR: FORGIVENESS

Sacred Gift

Copyright © Vladimir Kush

A L IGN YOUR PUR POSE P ROGRAM - S T E P FOUR : FORG IVENESS

Copyright © 2013 Choice Point with Jaime Mintun - www.choicepointmovement.com

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IN THIS LESSON:

• The Four Stages of Forgiveness

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.“

”Louis B. Smedes

Step 4 comes right on the heels of our lesson on

Endings, and rightfully so! In our exercise for

witnessing and honoring the endings in your life

toward the end of Lesson 3, you may have

discovered that some of those endings were made

for you—in other words, not consciously chosen by

you.

As we touched on, such endings can produce

feelings of anger, resentment, grief, rage, betrayal,

numbness and any number of additional emotions.

And if we look at the energy or frequency of such

emotions, we see that overall they create a

restrictive or stagnant energy rather than an

expansive or flowing energy.

That is why incomplete endings can cause us to get

stuck, or to repeat painful cycles.

What sets us free and liberates us from such vicious

cycles or stagnant, deadened living is the simple yet

profound (and sometimes profoundly difficult) act

of Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is our most powerful tool for healing. Yet

it is also greatly misunderstood. Many people

imagine forgiveness to mean letting another person

off the hook, or to turn the other cheek and

acquiesce that the wrongs done to them were

okay. Yet more than anything, forgiveness activates

the part of us that is willing to say our truth—in fact it

is the courageous part of us willing to acknowledge

our regret and pain along with the harm caused us

and even what self-punishment or self-blame we felt

as a result.

Forgiveness gives us permission to fully be and feel

the brunt of any ending or painful experience so

that we can then finally release it. Let it go. Be truly

done with and beyond it.

When you activate Forgiveness in your life, you

become gentler with yourself and you learn a

powerful neutrality toward those who have harmed

you. Not because they did not deserve to be

punished, but rather because holding on to the

pain, vengeance or loathing truly only punishes you.

Through forgiveness you can become free and no

longer let the event or experience you suffered

continue to rule and limit your life. Yet what is a

tangible process for stepping into forgiveness? I

speak from experience when I say that this has

particularly been very very difficult to learn and

embody in my own life until recently.

Forgiveness requires that we open our hearts – even

in the face of risk, even in the knowing that we have

been harmed or hurt before.

And an open heart is a path to love and to joy and

to true holistic abundance. At some point in our

journey, one way or another, we must learn to open

our hearts. Here is how to do so while also stepping

into forgiveness...

http://www.choicepointmovement.com

Fire Keeper

Copyright © H. Koppdelaney



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Usually we are taught to step right into forgiveness, but for many of our Visionaries and others we’ve

discussed this with, it seems that forgiveness is just as likely to occur in stages over time. This allows us to fully

feel our own feelings about what requires our forgiveness, rather than to stuff them down or ignore them –

which is really just another way of holding on.

Additionally, and particularly if we have just endured a sudden ending or experience that has harmed us,

before we can forgive we must step away and allow ourselves a bit of healing and strengthening.

Forgiveness requires immense strength and we should not expect ourselves to always be able to do it when

in the midst of a traumatic or painful experience.

For this reason, I prefer to treat forgiveness as a journey through stages, rather than as a single act. As you

reflect on each of these stages, you might notice that they don’t always happen in this precise order and

we can tend to shift back and forth between different stages and sometimes more than once! That’s fine

and I simply present the following order as a recommended way to begin the process and because many

who have mastered or assist in forgiveness recommend similar stages in a similar order...

The Four Stages of Forgiveness are:

• Step Away & Strengthen

• Release Desire to Punish

• Consciously Release the Story

• Keep the Wisdom, Abandon the Debt

THE FOUR S TAGES OF FORG IVENESS


Tree of Life




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To begin the journey toward forgiveness, a

wonderful place to start is to simply step away from

the whole thing for a while. It sounds counter-

intuitive however it can help to take a break from

thinking about the person or event that you wish to

forgive.

To stay in this stage could lead to an incomplete

ending, however it is a fine stage to step into for a

while so that you can collect yourself and gather

your personal power. This also prevents you from

being exhausted or weakened by the immensity of

the experience or ending.

This stage can also sometimes occur further on in

the forgiveness process. Allow yourself this breathing

room whenever you feel the need to step away

from the situation, memory or person—and do so

whenever you feel the need.

Keep in mind that this is a compassionate stepping

away. You cannot truly give yourself a break from a

person or experience if you’re doing so in order to

‘get back at them’ or hurt them through your

absence. This can also be simply a mental stepping

away rather than a physical stepping away, though

that is an option as well.

I also invite you to place intention into your stepping

away. Let it be an active vacation whereby you

give yourself a healing through journaling or rest...

where you invite new learning and information as

well as inviting loving from your Self and others, to

strengthen and nourish you.

Keeping yourself active in this stage allows you to

keep at bay the mental gymnastics that often

haunt us when we feel injured. By promising yourself

healing, love and growth now, your psyche can

relax and accept that you will return to deal with

the entire issue of who caused you injury later on.

S TAGE ONE : TO S T E P AWAY & S T R ENGTHEN


2012 ~ transformation of consciousness

Copyright © Alice Popkorn



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Often the hardest part about forgiving is letting go

of vengeance or the need to punish—whether

ourselves or the person who injured us. This can be

a subtle desire to punish that isn’t even in our

conscious awareness, such as ways we may

accidentally cause ourselves illness or stress

because we do not want to release our sense of

injury; we feel that releasing the sense of injury

somehow might give permission and allowance to

the one who injured us.

So what is the reverse act we make when we

release our desire to punish? If that desire harms us

more than anything else, what is the healing step

we can make instead?

I believe the power in this stage is the conscious

choice to contain our emotional experience, no

matter how devastating, so that we do not

unconsciously act it out in ways that perpetuate the

harm, both to ourselves and to others. In this stage

we can step into grace, patience and a conscious

decision to channel our emotion with integrity and

awareness.

You might even consider this stage as a powerful

cleanse. The idea is to keep the energy moving

rather than letting it stagnate and fester. Rage or

vengeance are constrictive energies that limit and

block energy flow. Yet at the same time, to go to

war with our desire for vengeance is also violent and

constricting.

Instead, I encourage you to choose a positive outlet

and practice it with awareness every day. You can

choose to practice grace in every moment that any

desire to punish might arise. Or practice patience.

Choose to funnel the emotions as they arise into art,

primal screaming, exercise or journaling. Practice

generosity and compassion, yes toward others and

most importantly toward yourself.

With such conscious practice you maintain a

healthy and positive outflow of the energies and

emotions that arise in you, and thereby allow them

to literally flow out of you. And so you become

healed and cleansed steadily of any emotion or

energy that does not serve you.

S TAGE TWO: R E L EASE DES I R E TO PUN ISH




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We’ve all heard the platitude that ‘to forgive is to

forget.’ But I think a more accurate summation is

that to forgive is to release the story. Because we

never forget. We wouldn’t want to. Forgetting truly

would mean that we learned no lesson and gained

no new insight or information and we are again

wide open to the same injuries and their repetition

throughout our lives.

No, we do not ever want to forget. But what if you

could glean all the information, guidance and

experience from a past ending or injury... all the

wisdom that can serve you in future decisions and

actions... while at the same time releasing the grief,

constriction and meaning or story associated with

the experience?

What causes us ongoing pain and suffering is never

the event itself once that event has passed – but

rather the meaning it has for us, and the emotions

that arise as a result. We often feel wounded for

years and even decades after such experiences

because we somehow believed those experiences

proved our unworthiness, or unlovableness. We

decided things about ourselves and the world:

perhaps that it couldn’t be trusted and we couldn’t

be happy.

The story is very real to us, but the beauty is that the

story can change. It is in our power and our choice.

At the same time though, such stories won’t easily

be thrown out as though they were never significant

for us. Because they were.

However to consciously let go of the story surround-

ing an injury frees us to move it off the stage of our

life so that we can act out a new chapter with new

surroundings and new players (not just new faces on

the same characters like in some Shakespearean

tragedy!).

You can practice conscious release of the story by

refusing to fall into that litany of fiery material the

mind loves to conjure up... “he did that and she said

this and how dare they think that I would just lie

down and take it!” Painful memories can become

like a long runaway train on endless tracks in our

head, and so this takes conscious choice and

vigilance to refuse that train to even leave its

station.

A great way to do this is whenever that story gets

triggered, or the memory overtakes you, including

any negative emotions associated with it... conjure

up a neutral image for yourself. Something comfort-

ing or beautiful, but not associated with any person

or experience in your life. Many people use the

image of a rose or a skyscape or perhaps a forest.

Maybe a box or a single flame. Choose a neutral

image that is comfortable and then see it out in

front of you, surrounded by a simple and

comfortable void.

Next, simply allow the memory and story – whether

it manifests as thoughts or images or emotional

sensations – to funnel into that image until you feel

their clutch on you fade away.

Then you can decide to wink out that image; to let

it simply vanish. Or you can toss it up and far away

from you and explode it. The visualization isn’t so

important as the intention behind it. You’re letting

the energy go. You’re discharging the event of all

the painful emotions, energy and meaning that was

attached to it, and simply letting it all go.

What will be left is the neutral information you

learned from the event, ending or injury, which will

become valuable wisdom separate from any grief

or pain.

S TAGE THREE : CONSC IOUS LY R E L EASE THE S TORY


Impossible?




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It is within this stage that we truly step into forgive-

ness. And it is useful to remember that there are

many ways and portions to forgiving a person,

community, nation or anything else for its offense.

At its essence, forgiveness is a conscious choice to

release resentment and any need to maintain the

‘debt’ created by the injury whereby the offender

owes us something. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who we

mentioned in the previous lesson, rightfully states

that forgiveness is truly about ‘abandoning or

forgiving the debt.’ She says, “It does not mean

giving up one’s protection, but one’s coldness.”

What is beautiful about seeing it this way is that we

get to choose what debt we clear or forgive, and

when. Forgiveness can happen in portions. We can

forgive a word or particular conversation, then

revisit previous stages to clear another layer of rage

or grief, and finally return to forgive the larger

offense and the totality of the experience or ending

we endured with that person or persons.

Most importantly, in this way forgiveness is an act of

creation. It is one of the most pivotal kinds of Choice

Points that we experience in life. For some, the act

itself can be enough. For others, myself included, we

like to mark the forgiveness and honor it with some

kind of ritual or ceremony. As a creative, I like to give

this extra life and breath to my decision, to mark it

with something sacred and beautiful.

It can be a simple letter you write, say aloud and

then burn. Or perhaps you feel called to wade

through a local river or stream or pool honoring that

the waters have washed away all negative feelings

and residue as you cross over, and on the other side

you step fully into a new life creation that is no

longer limited or impeded by your past injury.

Forgiveness is your creation and your choice, and

so you may step into it in any way you wish—fully or

in parts... ceremonialized or simply done... privately

within yourself or verbally to those who caused you

grief.

The key is that afterward you are no longer waiting

for anything or wanting a certain redress or action

from the other person(s). Those would be like

binding chains or chords tying you back to the pain

or person.

With forgiveness, you are free to go. Free to

live and to create something new and

better and beautiful. Even if that previous

ending was not a Happily Ever After, it can

still be your new Once Upon a Time from

this moment forward.

S TAGE FOUR : K E E P THE W ISDOM, ABANDON THE DEB T


www.choicepointmovement.com


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