the alchemist weekly 09.21.10

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"Everybody must get stoned." -Bob. VOLUME 3 NUMBER 142:11 SEPTEMBER 21-SEPTEMBER 27, 2010 Not much ado about something p. 4 Bump events calendar p. 6 Stoney Girl saga p. 10 An inside look at the audacity of dope. A treatment from the ground up.

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The Alchemist Weekly for September 21st, 2010

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Page 1: The Alchemist Weekly 09.21.10

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Page 2: The Alchemist Weekly 09.21.10

2 • S E P T E M B E R 2 1 - S E P T E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 0 • T H E A L C H E M I S T • W W W . T H E A L C H E M I S T W E E K L Y . C O M W W W . T H E A L C H E M I S T W E E K L Y . C O M • T H E A L C H E M I S T • S E P T E M B E R 2 1 - S E P T E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 0 • 3

SYMPOSIUMsymposium

vo

iceVOICE

Opinions and Editor ia ls , be they ours or yours , this i s where they be.

Not much ado

L ITERATIAmateur prose, poetr y and

fict ion st i l l has a home.

Detective Siempre

BUMPIt ’s the ca lendar of a l l

things Albany, Cor val l i s , Lebanon, and Phi lomath.

WORDJournal i s ts ca l l them fea-

tures ; we say i t ’s the word.

Stoney Girl saga

VERDICTWe’ l l be the judge. You be

the jur y. . .you trust us r ight?

Winter’s Bone

Crossword

STNETNOC4

5

6

10

14

15

VOLUME 3 NUMBER 142:11•SEPTEMBER 21-SEPTEMBER 27, 2010

EditorialEditorial Tag Team Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley TollettStaff Writers Courtney Clenney, Noah Stroup, Stanley TollettBump Editor Noah StroupContributors T. Clarence, Cindy Dauer, Dirtstir, Tim Hellman, Patrick Fancher, Joel ReaArtArt Director Courtney ClenneyCover Illustration by April ZellerBack Cover Photos by Stanley Tollett

On the back cover: A group of local artists came together to try and work with Corvallis Parks and Recreation to establish a permanent graffiti art wall near the skate park in south Corvallis. Saturday, September 18th, the group braved the constant drizzle to break out some spray paint and create beautiful art. Anyone who showed up was encouraged to grab a can and make some-thing beautiful. It didn’t matter if you were a pro or if it was first time, everyone was welcome.

The group hopes to gain the support of local officials and organizations to aid in the further-ance of their artistic dream. We at the Alchemist support this fully, and are overjoyed to see mem-bers of the community proactively and legally going about trying to beautify and make more enjoyable the community. Sick art guys!!! Keep up the good work!

Pictured are Tony Farley, Ben Jay, and Ali, just a few of the artists and supporters that were present on Saturday.

AdvertisingAccount Executive Noah StroupSales Representatives Luke Thomas, Lisa WellerBusinessPublisher Noah StroupThe Alchemist Weekly is published by:CorvAlcheMedia LLCPO Box 1591Corvallis, OR 97339

Alchemist MissionAs a publication, our goal is to facilitate greater understanding and appreciation for the diverse social and cultural groups found in the area. In doing so, we hope to create a greater sense of community between Oregon State University and Corvallis, between Albany and Corvallis, and between Philomath, Leba-non and Corvallis-Albany.The Alchemist recognizes the various interests of these groups and is dedicated to being as fluid as the community it serves.

The Alchemist is available to you for free. Please limit yourself to one copy. If your picture is in it, you are welcome to take enough copies for your family.Subject to availability, back issues can be purchased by mail for $5. Send your request with specific issue date to PO Box 1591, Corvallis, OR 97339 and include a check or money order payable to The Alchemist.

The Alchemist welcomes

freelance submissions.Send material to our Editor.

Manuscripts will be returned if you include a self-addressed,

stamped envelope.YOUR VOICE:

[email protected] SCOOPS:

[email protected] WORDS:

[email protected] US: [email protected]

[email protected]@thealchemistweekly.com

Seasonal ly offended disorderIt’s that time again. We got a little taste of what is to come dur-

ing the Beavers victory. The streets flooded with orange and black clad Believers in search of an outlet for much needed toast to suc-cess. In one week, some of these people will be calling Corvallis home in pursuit of higher education, while some of them will be pursuing higher understanding in the limits of intoxication.

Saturday, the Corvallis Gazette-Times reported vandals broke some windows in downtown businesses early Friday morning.

It’s unfortunate that a drunken few can set the mood for what a lot of Corvallis residents consider a long, long school year.

We will see more broken windows. Planters will get broken. Newsstands will be toppled and alleyways will be saturated with urine. As much as it sounds like a nightmare, this is part of the deal when living in a college town. So we’ve come to believe anyway.

Rather than take on an apologist stance and argue that without the students our economy would suffer (it does) and that these drunken idiots are an exception to the greater population (they are), let’s hold the university accountable for why their transient population seems incapable or at least unwilling to treat our com-munity with the respect we are looking for.

Homework assignment #1Corvallis is a very particular town. We know what we like and

we aren’t happy when we don’t get it. Rather than be upset when out-of-towners show up and ruin our homeostasis, let’s extend a preemptive hand to ensure that our town is our town for 12 months out of the year and not just those three beautiful, tranquil summer months.

To help the new Corvallis residents adjust, The Alchemist will be providing them with a guide to Corvallis next week. We need your input to help provide the most comprehensive guide with what the community wants them to know. Please send us your 200 word community recommendations and rules for the 2010-2011 student population.

As a student of OSU, it wasn’t until my senior year, when I dat-ed a woman from Corvallis, that I actually started spending time downtown and realized that Fred Meyer isn’t the only place in town to buy everything. In my mind, this is a failure of the univer-sity to encourage me to explore the town that I already inhabited for 4 years.

Universities are set up to be a bubble. The focus of the student is supposed to be on the university and not the town that hosts them. This would be a bit more acceptable if there weren’t consequences for the community surrounding the university when the students inevitably do wander off the grounds.

Does Oregon State University have a community interaction policy? A quick search of their Web site reveals community service opportunities, links to Corvallis related Web sites, and something called Inclusive Corvallis.

The OSU Office of Community and Diversity held forums with community stakeholders in 2009 to identify key populations that feel they are not being included by Corvallis. They found Corvallis to be less inclusive to the “LGBTQAAI community, newcomers in college and high school, Non-English native speakers, people of color (particularly African-American and Latina/o populations, and people who are economically challenged and/or homeless.”

Well, I was wrong. Apparently there are students that are trying to join the Corvallis community and feel like they aren’t allowed and being pushed to the fringes.

Is Corvallis just a community that is comfortable only to the dominant paradigm? Maybe it’s time to rethink how great we are and reach out to hear what the marginalized have to say.

Homework assignment #2Do you identify yourself with one of the groups named above

as being a key population needing further inclusion in Corvallis? Let’s extend it to Albany, Lebanon, and Philomath. (The world doesn’t revolve around Corvallis.)

What are your experiences with being a student or resident in the area? Don’t hold anything back.

We want to open the opportunity for the veil to come down. Let’s be real. Let’s be honest and let’s make this not a region of tolerance, but of acceptance.-Noah StroupRespond to [email protected].

Page 3: The Alchemist Weekly 09.21.10

2 • S E P T E M B E R 2 1 - S E P T E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 0 • T H E A L C H E M I S T • W W W . T H E A L C H E M I S T W E E K L Y . C O M W W W . T H E A L C H E M I S T W E E K L Y . C O M • T H E A L C H E M I S T • S E P T E M B E R 2 1 - S E P T E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 0 • 3

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or opinions of CorvAlcheMedia, LLC.

Caught my attent ionCigarettes are being sent down to the trapped Chilean miners. Improved ventilation

or no, ain’t much air down there. Wow. The power of addiction. Attacks by drones on in-surgents in the Afghanistan conflict are referred to as “suspected” drone attacks because neither the CIA or US Military will cop to them. It’s more like they’re exuding, “Duh. Who else is flying drones and blowing the heck out of people with no defense to these weapons?” Some guy who lost his home to fire near Boulder, Colorado made sense to me when he defined his possessions as valuable, irreplaceable and defining of self. His level of wealth took the edge off my sympathies. A Montana Sheriff hopes the boys caught for minor drug crime use the experience as a ‘stepping block and not a stumbling stone.’ I hope he has firm grasp of the stirrups before putting his foot into the rein.

Why does this stuff catch my attention? Maybe recognizing my own misplaced pri-orities. Wishing to not have to answer to or for anyone or anything. A desire of freedom from trappings and freedom to pick up whatever trappings I desire. And the knowledge that too often for my liking, I fail in communicating. Why is it that sometimes my over-whelming abhorrence of humanity as a reflection of self loathing precedes an introspec-tion finding no commonality with the individual targets of my derision?

Tolerance!

Some Seattle Weekly cartoonist has been in hiding for over five months. She decided to call May 20 “Draw Mohammed Day” and the death threats came aplenty. Hey all you people of whatever belief system, I’m talking to you! Yea, all of you whatever you believe! Anytime you see someone of your faith based affinity bashing another faith, sit them down. Compare every aspect of the shared belief system. Point out the first disagree-ment of interpretation of the common faith specific text.

Point out any attempt at conciliation. Any difference of opinion, no matter what amount of agreement, is still a difference. If one can accept the difference of one near to oneself, what does the difference of one far away matter? If one’s difference is radically different from mine, it is also probably physically distant. And, any text espousing the termination of any life form simply because it believes something different should pro-scribe its adherents a wonderful round of whatever game that was played in the movie, “Battle Royale.”

If there is only one “true” religion, belief system, faith, carrot juice or whatever, there can be no more than one believer. Maybe? -Tcj [email protected]

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Not much ado about somethingAn inside look at the audacity of dope.

In November, Oregonians will be asked to cast their vote, on Measure 74, to amend and expand the current Oregon Medical Marijuana Program. The easiest way to explain the results of passing the measure is that it will allow for the creation of dispensaries similar to the ones that exist in California.

A medical marijuana dispensary is basically a store where licensed card holders can purchase various strains of marijuana, edible products containing THC and other para-phernalia.

It will not legalize marijuana in Oregon. However, when voters head to the polls on November 2nd, they will have the power to greatly change the landscape of the medical marijuana industry in Oregon.

In researching Measure 74, it has been very difficult to find anyone that is willing, able, present or qualified to go on the record in regards to this issue. Almost every single relevant government organization was contacted for comment on Measure 74. Legisla-tive and regulatory bodies, law enforcement, professors, proponents and opponents of the measure. For a myriad of reasons they were not available or able to comment. Vacations, training, inability to comment on upcoming legislation and/or unwillingness to comment were a pervasive theme. I got the feeling that people considered this a sensitive topic.

And then one person returned my call. One shining example of forward thinking and rational thought that anyone would be proud to know was in government for decades. An insider. The only problem was that they refused to be named or comment officially or non-officially on anything. After some wrangling, we came to the agreement that I would only use the information they provided as deep background, and I would not reveal their identity. In return, this individual opened the floodgates on what really happens behind the scenes in the bureaucratic, inner-workings of state government. What followed was eye opening. It was educational, but overall devastatingly discouraging.

What exists in modern American government is not entirely the fault of the politi-cians and the civil servants; they know all too well what is going on. The hypocrisy, the contradictions and the snails pace at which change occurs are all widely known and spo-ken about. But these people are not conspiring against you. And while they might not look like you, they are for the most part, just like you. They have biases and children and bills and responsibilities and somehow they try and balance them. The majority of them are trying very hard to serve the people of Oregon to the utmost of their abilities. The problem is not the people. It is the system and it is a system that we, as a society, have created.

Public officials and functionaries are not idiots. They do not consider themselves to be squares and are aware of far more than many may suspect.

They are fully aware of the contradictions that exist in current laws prohibiting mari-juana and allowing the use of other, potentially more harmful substances such as alcohol and tobacco. They know about comparisons that marijuana laws have to the prohibition of alcohol and the problems that it caused in American history, i.e. the massive black market economy that proliferated criminal enterprise and violence to epidemic proportions and the similarities to what has happened since the criminalization of marijuana is not lost on them.

Public officials know younger people think they are gray-haired, empty suits and they slightly resent it. I suspect it doesn’t really bother them because young people don’t usually vote as much as they opine.

Some of the politicians and public administrators actually smoked quite a bit of pot in the 60’s and 70’s, and realize that most marijuana smokers aren’t out killing people and frothing at the mouth, but they also like their jobs. They keep those jobs by staying elect-able in Oregon. That means being a moderate. Moderately liberal, moderately conserva-tive. Nothing too extreme, or one risks narrowing their voter base. It’s all about appealing to widest possible number of active voters.

Very few of them relish the thought of being the first one to come out in front of outright legalization and then go home and preach to their kids about not smoking pot. It’s not as though these people exist simply in their profession. They have homes and values of their own to consider whether they admit it or not. But even so, they ideally would represent the majority opinion while protecting the rights of the minority. Which is much easier said than done. That being said, it is somewhat enraging that the hypocrisy is lamented lazily, instead of being publicized and remedied.

A case in point is that the state government institution that regulates the issuance of medical marijuana cards is the same government institution that runs all of the state’s drug rehabilitation programs. The administrators are smart enough to see the glaring con-tradiction. But it’s what is in place right now. And they do their jobs to the best of their ability. Something else that is widely known is that if you want a medical marijuana card badly enough, you can most likely find a doctor willing to prescribe it.

There are people in government and law enforcement that are self-righteous, crooked and completely oblivious to anything other than their own interests and getting drunk off

of their power over others. But I now truly believe that those are few and far between. A very, very small portion of the whole.

It would be unfair and disrespectful of the good work of the true public servants to lump them in with the bad apples. It is no different in government than it is in the rest of the world. There are good and there are bad. It needs to be known that there are good people devoting their lives day in and day out to try and make a better place out of our state. There are some very intelligent and forward thinking people working for you, and you should feel proud. But remember, they are only human. And the machine of bureau-cracy is larger and slower than any one man or woman.

Fortunately for the voters, none of this complacency and hypocrisy has to stand. You have the ability to support any legislation you choose. Your vote may be singular and somewhat insignificant, but these are your public officials. You can vote them out of office if these hypocrisies anger you. You can organize. You can affect change. After all, you are their boss.

Now that you know a little bit about how things work and the prospects of dramatic shifts in public policy happening overnight, here are few things to consider about mari-juana. After all it’s just a sticky, stinky green plant that has no idea about all the hubbub its very existence has caused to us humans.

Marijuana is a potent substance. Anyone who has ever smoked some dank Sour Die-sel (marijuana strain name) out of a “water pipe” knows this to be true. It will intoxicate you. Like any other substance that alters your mind and physiology, it needs to be treated with respect. There is such a thing as over indulgence.

Smoking or eating it does impair your normal abilities in various ways. But like many other intoxicating substances, it also has the potential to bring tremendous amounts of joy and tranquility. It has provided for many memorable and/or slightly hazy sunsets and days in the woods or beach. So, just like they say in the liquor commercials really fast at the end, “Please smoke responsibly.”

When it comes to whether you should vote for or against Measure 74, what is there to be said about marijuana that has not already been said thousands and thousands of times? Those that smoke and enjoy it will most likely always support anything involving legalization. Those that believe it is the scourge of the universe and are disciples of the Reagan-Bush era massive anti-drug campaigns such as “Just Say No” and Red Ribbon weeks, will most likely always oppose anything involving legalization.

There is currently research being done to quantify and categorize marijuana, but it’s complicated and would any of that really sway a voter that has deeply ensconced views already? The simple facts are that marijuana is being seen more and more these days as an acceptable substance to more and more people. The illegality of it is lampooned in popular culture and many people are smoking it at some rate.

According to the National Highway Traffic Administration, law enforcement are studying ways to detect it with high-end techniques involving Mag lights and pens, and other low-end investigative techniques like “the smell of the odor of marijuana in the car and on the subjects breath...” There is even talk about companies patenting the names of various strains. The writing seems to be on the wall that in the near future there will be some form of legalization somewhere in America, perhaps many places.

Another thing to consider when you make your decision on Measure 74 is that no-body really knows what the effect will be. Will people that never smoked marijuana start flocking to clinics and dispensaries in droves? Will it spark a drastic leap in the sales of video games, fast food and classic rock? Will people be walking around stoned constantly, the odor of potent pot everywhere?. Or will it cause many violent, assault rifle toting outlaws to lay down their arms and lead to a dramatic decrease in the criminal aspects of the marijuana trade? Allowing for law enforcement to focus on so called “hard drugs” and lead to the putting to pasture of packs of dope sniffing German Shepherds? My instincts tell me that neither extreme will take place. Things don’t ever seem to be as good or as bad as they appear.

So come November 2nd, consider this. The most direct effect that passage of this measure will have is the creation of dispensaries. It will make it easier for those people that are using marijuana as medicine to fill their prescriptions and ease their suffering. If we are going to call marijuana medicine, and treat it as such then it makes sense to have “pharmacies”...bottom line. So cast your vote Oregonians, and let thy will be done.

-Stanley [email protected]

OPINION

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lite

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by: T. Clarence

“Third time's a charm, right?”Rusty, a member of the traveling theatre troupe Epicu-

rus's Men, spoke as he dragged a chair into the detective's office. He looked hopefully from Detective Siempre to the dark-skinned actor, Red 'A,' but neither shared the emotion. Candy didn't like Red 'A' and had give up on restoring his ego, but the actor dreamt up vivid settings and the prospect of visiting his Wonderland was too tempting to turn down.

The troupe's current play, Alice's Adventures in Wonder-land, was one more instance where Red 'A' hadn't gotten the lead and his depression had grown.

“I would not be a slugabed this morn and am ready-wea-ry,” for once Red 'A' had shed his costume before Candy had met up with him. He looked impressive in a simple white shirt and black vest, even if he still had a red 'A' em-broidered on his shoulder, and his overuse of Shakespearean lingo still grated on the detective's nerves.

“Let's to't,” Candy mocked as he motioned to Red 'A' to lay back.

Minutes later the actor was already breathing the long, slow draughts of sleep. Candy fought off his excitement and drifted off to join him. Disappointed at not arriving by way of a rabbit hole, Candy stomped his feet on the wooden floor and looked around.

“Damn, just a stage,” he cursed.“Nay, a table,” Red 'A's voice echoed across the wooden

expanse as he appeared from behind a giant flower vase in full Hatter costume.

“It is,” Candy couldn't hide his excitement as he circled the vase and took in the other giant-size objects around them, “Where's the key? The cookie?”

“Wrong table,” was Red 'A's melancholy response.Candy felt almost like a kid as saw how long the tea-

table stretched out before them. Beyond the table's edge sat giant-sized figures – the March Hare, Rusty in his Rabbit costume, and Alice.

“Why are we so small down here? You need to be up there speaking with them,” the detective turned back to Red 'A.'

“What use to gesture when no one watches, what use to speak when no one listens?” the actor looked comical in the Hatter outfit as his eyes filled with tears, “I am of less use to this scene than the dormouse.”

“You're the Hatter! This scene is crap without you!” Can-dy walked over to a platter laden with grapes, each bigger to the detective than a watermelon.

“But I am not the lead!” Red 'A's voice cracked.“Don't make me puke,” Candy mocked as he began to

take a bite, “Damn, plastic!”“A fine Shakespearean term,” a flash of a smile crossed the

actor's face.“Damn?” Candy asked.“Puke,” Red 'A' answered.“Nobody cares what Shakespearean words you know, Red

'A,' especially not in Wonderland. Strong and steady with the words you're given is what the audience wants, even if you aren't the lead,” Candy threw the grape to the ground, disgusted.

“I am no land-rad extra,” Red 'A' struggled to control of his voice.

“Are those people extras?” Candy waved his hand at the giant figures seated around the table, paying them no atten-tion, “They are actors and actresses with parts to play, just like you, except they have no huge, shattered ego!”

“You would will me to fight with your nook-shotten argu-ment,” Red 'A' bit his thumb at the detective.

“Great!” Candy stopped at a chest-high tea cup and grabbed the string hanging over the edge. With a hard yank the detective sent drops of tea spraying across the table as the bag soared over his head. Red 'A' knew his intention

immediately and ran straight to the nearest tea-cup.

“Ha ha!” Candy chased after him, swing-ing his weapon overhead.

“Puh! Empty!” Red 'A' cursed at Alice's empty teacup.

With a smack Candy tea-bagged Red 'A' to the face, knocking off his Hatter's hat.

“Scoundrel!” Red 'A's rage fueled his courage; all despair forgotten.

“You're not worthy of Wonderland or the stage!” Candy chased the actor towards the next cup.

“Whoosh!” The detective missed as Red 'A' ducked right, passing up another empty teacup.

“My very presence in any role makes the play!” the actor's chest puffed up as he found himself a teabag. Determination filled his clear, baritone voice, “Now I will bethump you.”

Holding tight to the end of their strings, both men ran as they swung. The detective and the actor each tea-bagged the other to the head with such force that they were knocked off their feet, and woke to the real world before they crashed to the ground.

“Well,” Rusty was eagerly waiting in the office.

“Not my proudest work,” Candy shrugged, “But-”

“Let’s back to the troupe, Rusty, for re-hearsal” Red ‘A’ stood up tall and proud, smiling, “I feel a new man!”

dream; 'Pearean Ego Chronicles of Detective Siempre

Thursday, September 23rdTarget for Tomorrow

Friday, September 24thSpace Neighbors

Saturday, September 18thLost Tortoise, Tirade, Wormhole

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Page 6: The Alchemist Weekly 09.21.10

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p21tuesdayAlbanyAlbany Publish Library2450 SE 14th AveAuthor Dave Metz “Crossing the Gates of Alaska,” 6:30 pm

IOOF Hall 738 SE 5th AveModern Western Square Dance class, [DANCE] 7:00 pm

Corval l isCorvallis Elks Lodge, 1400 NW 9th St.Beginner Line Dance, [DANCE] 7:00 pm

Enoteca Wine BarGirls Night Out!, Knit Night, [CRAFT] 4:00 pm

OSU Benton Hall, Room 303Linn-Benton Opera Guild Preview “Pagliacci and Carmina Burana,” [OPERA] 7:30 pm, $4Info: Betty Miner, 541.757.8949

OSU Women’s Building Rm 112Salsa Dancing, [DANCE] 8:00 pm

Pastini Pastaria 1580 NW 9th St“Corvallis Kids Count” School Fundraiser, 11:00 amcorvalliskidscount.org

22wednesday

23thursday

arts & culturealbany•corvallis•lebanon•philomath

AlbanyAlbany Civic Theater, 111 1st Ave SWAlice in Wonderland, [STAGE] 8:00 pm, $11/$8

Albany Eagles Lodge127 NW Broadalbin StCountry dance lessons [DANCE] 7:00 pm, $4

Corval l isEnoteca Wine BarChocolate Truffle Happy Hour, [EATS] FREE Truffles, 6:00 pm

AlbanyAlbany Eagles Lodge, 127 Broadalbin StAlbany Senior Dance, [DANCE] 1:30 pm to 3:30 pm, $3

Corval l isArts Center 700 SW MadisonOregon Arts Commission Open Fo-rum, [ARTS] Noon to 1:30 pm

Cloud 9Beer and Blog, [LIBATIONS] 5:00 pm, FREE

Eat out Corval l isJust my luck, I find myself on a strict diet right when one of the most exciting local food related events

is about to start. From Sunday, September 26, thru Saturday, October 2nd, ten popular Corvallis restau-rants will participate in Local Eats Week.

The event was created by the Corvallis Local 6 Connection, a project started by the Corvallis Sustain-ability Coalition in May 2009. The group’s goal is to have most Corvallis businesses use local products, including local foods, by the year 2020, according to the Gazette-Times.

The restaurants are Bomb’s Away Cafe, Block 15, Cirello’s Pizza, Cloud 9, The Downward Dog, Fire-works, Magenta, Nearly Normal’s, Le Patissier and Coffee Culture. Each will offer a $6 Local 6 small plate prepared with locally grown and produced ingredients. For instance, Cloud 9 will offer a Sweet Corn Succotash made with fresh local corn, sweet onions, cherry toma-toes and zucchini topped with Tillamook cheddar cheese and house made croutons as its $6 dish.

My stomach is growling just writing about it, so I may have to cheat on my diet. I will tell myself it’s good for the community, which it is.

If you need an excuse to go, now you have it. If you don’t need an excuse, just enjoy yourself. -Patrick Fancher

alchemist pick

alchemist pickOur pick for a quick st ick

For anyone who hasn’t tried acupuncture and ever wondered about it, take it from me, DO IT! It may change your life. It did for me.

I am needle phobic, so the first time I went in to be “needled” I felt more than anxious. The calm demeanor of my acupuncturist com-bined with the explanation that the needles are so small they can fit inside of a common hypodermic needle eased my fears considerably, but I remained sweaty palmed until the first one entered my body. Surprisingly, you do not feel the needle at all, at least I didn’t.

The acupuncturist will then toggle the needle a bit to find your “chi”. When that happens, I can only describe the feeling as a bril-liantly wonderful tuning fork being struck inside your body. The tin-gly sensation flows out in every direction from that spot and all of a sudden you are in the zone. Once all the needles are in place, you feel what I can only imagine a dog feels like when Ceasar Milan, the dog whisperer, does that thing to their necks that seems to placate and subdue all resistance at once. That combined with a noticeable eupho-ria and semi-drowsiness. It’s unbelievably calming and enjoyable.

Once all the needles are in place, you simply be. You don’t have to think of anything specific, although you might. You just allow the therapy to work on you, relax and allow yourself to feel the warmth and tingle take you to a calm and centered place. Afterward the good feelings last all day and the insights last the rest of your life.

So if you have ever once considered acupunc-ture, or after reading this are considering it for the first time. Come down to Corvallis Com-munity Acupuncture located at 2151 NW Fill-more Ave. on September 25th from 10 am to 2 pm and get needled! -Stanley Tollett

Corvallis Farmers’ Market 2nd Ave and B AveCar Free Day Festival [CAUSE] 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm

Corvallis Skate ParkJuggling lessons [FUN] 6:30, FREE

Enoteca Wine BarWine Tasting, [LIBATIONS] 6:30 pm, $10

Old World Deli341 SW 2nd StBelly Dance, [DANCE] 8:00 pm, FREE

OSU Memorial Union QuadWorld Car Free Day, 7:00 am

OSUsed Store, 644 SW 13th StBike Sale, Noon to 3:00 pm

First Alternative Co-Op South, 1007 SE 3rd St. 1st & 3rd Thurs.Beer Tasting, [LIBATIONS]1st and 3rd Thursdays 5:00 pm

First Alternative Co-Op North, 29th and GrantWine Tasting, [LIBATIONS] 2nd and 4th Thursdays 5:00 pm

Grass Roots Books 227 SW 2nd StAuthor signing: John Addiego “Tears of the Mountain,” 7:00 pmgrassrootsbookstore.com

WineStyles, 2333 NW Kings BlvdWine Tasting featuring Hip Chicks Do Wine [LIBATIONS] 5:30 pm, $5

LebanonLebanon Downtown Main St.Farmers’ Market, [FOOD] 3:00 pm

Mark’s Ridge WineryLebanon Business After Hours [LIBATIONS] 5:00 pm – 7:00 pm, $8

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24friday

25saturday

26sunday

AlbanyAlbany Civic Theater, 111 1st Ave SWAlice in Wonderland, [STAGE] 8:00 pm, $11/$8

Corval l isCorvallis Senior Center 2601 NW Taylor AveFriday Night Dancers, [DANCE] Nifty 50s Dance, 7:00 pm, $4

First Alternative Co-Op South, 1007 SE 3rd St.Wine Tasting, [LIBATIONS] 5:00 pm

LaBamba Mix Night ClubPRIDE La Bamba, [DANCE] 8:00 pm, $3

Majestic Theater115 SW 2nd St“Educating Rita,” [STAGE] 7:30 pm, $11/$9 majestic.org

Vue517 SW 2nd StFirst Annual Downtown Corvallis Association Happy Hour [SCHMOOZE] 5:00 pm, cor-vallishappyhour.eventbrite.com

WineStyles, 2333 NW Kings Blvd.Friday Night Wine Flight, [LIBATIONS] 5:00 pm

LebanonSamaritan Lebanon Community HospitalCareer Training CenterForum Lunch “The State of the Economy” with State Rep. Bruce Hanna, [GOV’T] 11:30 am, $13

honeylet's go out

AlbanyAlbany Civic Theater, 111 First Ave. SW 541.928.4603Alleyoop Lounge, 901 Pacific Blvd 541.941.0977 Bogey’s Bar & Grill, 129 W 1st Ave. 541.929.8900Calapooia Brewing, 140 Hill St. NE 541.928.1931Cappie’s Brewhouse, 211 1st Ave W 541.926.1710Cascade Grill, 110 Opal St. NW 541.926.3388Chasers Bar & Grill, 435 SE 2nd Ave 541928.9634Dixie Creek Saloon, 32994 Hwy 99E, Tangent, OR 541.926.2767Favorite Mistake Sports Bar, 5420 Pacific Blvd. 541.903.0034Front Street Bar, 2300 Northeast Front Ave. 541.926.2739GameTime SportsBar & Grill, 2211 Waverly Dr. SE 541.981.2376Humpty’s Dump Bar & Grill, 916 Old Salem Rd NE 541.926.3111JP’s Restaurant and Lounge, 220 2nd Ave. 541.926.5546Lariat Lounge, 901 Pacific Blvd SE 541.928.2606Linger Longer Tavern, 145 SW Main St. 541.926.2174Lucky Larrys Lounge, 1296 S Commercial Way SE 541.928.3654Riley’s Billiards Bar and Grill, 124 Broadalbin St SW 541.926.2838Valentino’s Pizzeria, 641 NW Hickory StWilhelm’s Spirits & Eatery, 1520 Pacific Blvd SE 541.926.7001

Corval l isAqua Seafood Restaurant & Bar, 151 NW Monroe Ave. 541.752.0262The Beanery on 2nd, 500 SW 2nd St 541.753.7442Big River Restaurant & Bar, 101 NW Jackson Ave. 541.757.0694Block 15, 300 SW Jefferson Ave. 541.758.2077Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 541.757.7221China Delight Restaurant, 325 NW 2nd St. 541.753.3753Clodfelter’s, 1501 NW Monroe Ave. 541.758.4452Cloud 9, 126 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900Crowbar, 214 SW 2nd St. 541.753.7373Darrell’s Restaurant and Lounge, 2200 NW 9th St. 541.752.6364Downward Dog, 130 SW 1st St. 541.753.9900Enoteca Wine Bar, 136 SW Washington Ave. 541.758.9095Fireworks Restaurant and Bar, 1115 SE 3rd 541.754.6958Flat Tail Pub, 202 SW 1st St. 541.758.2219Greenberry Store & Tavern, 29974 HWY 99W 541.752.3796Harrison Bar & Grill, 550 NW Harrison Blvd. 541.754.1017Impulse, 1425 NW Monroe Ave. 541.230.1114La Bamba Mix Night Club, 126 SW 4th St. 541.207.3593Loca Luna, 136 SW Washington Ave, Ste. 102 - 541.753.2222Luc, 134 SW 4th St. 541.753.4171Murphy’s Tavern, 2740 SW 3rd St. 541.738. 7600Papa’s Pizza, 1030 S.W. Third St. 541.757.2727Peacock Bar & Grill, 125 SW 2nd St. 541.754.8522Squirrel’s, 100 SW 2nd St. 541.753.8057Sunnyside Up Café, 116 NW 3rd St 541.758.3353Suds & Suds, 1045 NW Kings Blvd. 541.758.5200Troubadour, 521 SW 2nd St. 541.752.7720Tyee Wine Cellars, 26335 Greenberry Rd. 541.753.8754Wanted Saloon, 140 NW 3rd St. WineStyles, 2333 N.W. Kings Blvd. 541.738.9463

LebanonArtisian’s Well Lounge, 2250 South Main Rd. 541.451.3900Cornerstone Café & Pub, 180 S 5th St. 541.847.6262Duffy’s Irish Pub, 679 South Main St. 541.259.2906Fire Pit Lounge, 2230 South Santiam Hwy 541.451.2010GameTime Sports Bar and Grill, 3130 South Santiam Hwy 541.570.1537Merlin’s Bar and Grill 541.258.6205Peacock Bar & Grill East, 76 E. Sherman St. 541.451.2027Sports Shack and Deli, 1250 Grant St. 541.259.0800

PhilomathHigh 5 Sports Bar & Grill, 1644 Main St.-541.929.7529Meet’n Place Tavern, 1150 Mian St. 541.929.3130Wine Vault, 1301 Main St. 541.929.8496Wing Sing Restaurant & Lounge, 658 Main St. 541.929.6255

alchemist pick

Corval l isBenton County FairgroundsHeart of the Valley Homebrewers’ Septembeerfest, [BEER] 2:00 pm to 10:00 pm, $10

Central ParkCorvallis Fall Festival, 10:00 am, FREE

First Street and MonroeCorvallis Artisans Market, 9:00 am–1:30 pm corvallisartisansmarket.comCorvallis Farmers’ Market, [FOOD] 9:00 am-1:00 pm locallygrown.org

Corvallis Community Acupunc-ture, 2151 NW Fillmore AveFree Acupuncture, [POKE] 10:00 am to 2:00 pm

WineStyles2333 NW Kings BlvdWine Tasting and Artist Reception: Terry Tallis, [SCHMOOZE] 4:00 pm

Zil low. Pi l low. Wil low. Bi l low. For Real lo .After living in Corvallis for the last 19 years, I’m ashamed to

admit this upcoming weekend will mark my first official visit to one of the city’s biggest, most traditional events. Of course, I’m speak-ing about The Fall Festival.

Local residents and out of town visitors are promised an oppor-tunity to literally “get their art on.” Arts and crafts are showcased at 170 booths and galleries, providing local area artists and business owners a chance to display their work for the 30,000 plus people expected in attendance.

Mandy Clark, 35, of Corvallis will be bringing her Zillow Pil-lows to the festival for the first time. Clark describes the pillows she sews as “decorative love,” and each has its own little story. She’s been selling the handmade pillows online on sites like Etsy.com for a few years and they recently became available at The Mod Pod shop in downtown Corvallis. The rectangle pillows, pictured, are $24 each while the smaller square pillows are $20.

Zillow pillows will be one of the many pieces of art available for purchase at the 38th-an-nual festival, which begins at 10 a.m. Satur-day, September 25. For more info about Fall Festival check out corvallisfallfestival.org.

-Patrick Fancher

Zil low Pi l lows at the Fal l FestivalCentral Park • Saturday 10:00 am

Photo by: Mandy Clark

AlbanyAlbany Civic Theater, 111 1st Ave SWAlice in Wonderland, [STAGE] 2:00 pm, $11/$8

Albany Rose Society Rose ShowGeary & 14th St Viewing [FLOWERS] 12:00 pm to 6:00 pm, FREE 541.928.3888

Corval l isEnoteca Wine BarBook Group [LITERARY]3:00 pm

AlbanyAlbany Civic Theater, 111 1st Ave SWAlice in Wonderland, [STAGE] 8:00 pm, $11/$8

Albany Rose Society Rose ShowGeary & 14th St Viewing [FLOWERS] 12:00 pm to 6:00 pm, FREE 541.928.3888

City Hall Parking Lot, 4th and EllsworthAlbany Farmer’s Market, [FOOD] 9:00 am to 1:00 pm

LebanonWillamette SpeedwayAirport Rd.Tuff Trucks and Trash Cars [RACE] Ticket window opens at 2 pm, $14

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23thursday

21tuesdayCorval l isFirst Congregational Church, 4515 SW West Hills Rd2nd Annual “(Interfaith) Concert for Peace,” [MUSIC] 7:00 pm

Peacock Bar and GrillKaraoke, 9:00 pm, FREEOn the top: DJ Big Cheese 9:00 pm, FREE

Sunnyside Up CaféCeltic Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE

AlbanyRiley’s Billiards Bar and GrillPure Country Night - Country Dancing with DJ, 9:00pm

Valentino’s Pizzeria, Jeff Lesmeister [ACOUSTIC] 7:00 pm, FREE

Corval l isCorvallis Farmer’s Market, 2nd St. and B Ave.Haymakers [FOLK] 3:30 pm

Peacock Bar and GrillJonny Dark and the Wondertones, [BLUES] 9:00 pm, FREEOn the top: DJ Alex 9:00 pm, FREE

Sunnyside Up CaféBluegrass Jam, 7:00 pm, FREE

LebanonPeaocock Bar and Grill EastThe Brand, [BLUES], 7:00 pmEvery other Wednesday

TangentDixie Creek SaloonBattle of the Bands 7:00 pm

22

musicalbany•corvallis•lebanon•philomath

AlbanyCalapooia BrewingWild Hog in the Woods, [STRINGBAND] 7:30 pm, FREE

wednesday

"Who the hel l is Rootdown?¨That was the first question that I asked. Well, check out their MySpace page I was told. Okay. I’ve now been listening to them on repeat for the last 20 minutes and will definitely be listening to them for hours and hours in the future. I really

hope that I will be in town on Saturday, September 25th at 4:30 p.m. to catch them live at the Corvallis Fall Festival. And the fact that I might not be able to make it is now causing me tremendous amounts of anxiety and sorrow, I may have to change some plans last minute.

This Reggae/Rock/Hip-Hop group has got one of the most solid, melodic and catchy sounds of any group, famous or underground, that I have heard in some time. I am equal parts elated and crestfallen that I now am aware of their presence on Earth. Happy because now I have a great new stash of music to enjoy, sad because I may not be able to catch them live at the Fall Festival.

But you can capitalize on my misfortune by strolling out to Central Park on Saturday and occupying the space that I may not be able to fill. I’m sure it will be dancing/grooving room only for this uber-talented group.

p.s. - If you can’t catch them at the Fall Festival, they will be playing later that night at Fireworks Restaurant & Bar.-Stanley Tollett

Contr ibuted Photo

Photo by: Kinich Barcelo

Vol i fonixFall Festival • Saturday 12:45 pm• Fireworks • Saturday 7:00 pm

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24friday

26sunday

27monday

AlbanyBogey’sSecond Hand Smoke, [MUSIC] 9:00 pm

Novak’s Hungarian Restaurant, 2306 Heritage Way SELisa Taylor [CLARINET] 5:30 pm, FREE

Riley’s Billiards Bar and GrillDance Party with DJ Unofficial, 9:00 pm

Corval l isThe Beanery on 2ndRobert Richter [FOLK] 8:00 pm, FREE

Benton County FairgroundsSeptembeerfest 2:00 pm to 10:00 pmBeaver Country Hot Air Band [POLKA]Wild Hog in the Woods [STRINGBAND]ElKabong Orchestra [ROCK]

Best Cellar Coffeehouse1165 NW MonroePrime Standard [SWING] 7:30, $2-$10Dave Plaehn and Creighton Lind-say [BLUES] 8:30

Bombs Away CaféSpace Neighbors [FUNK] 10:00 pm, $5

Cloud 9Chi Duly with Gums & Xtra Me-dium [HIP-HOP] 10:00 pm

AlbanyCity Hall Parking Lot 4th and EllsworthAlbany Farmer’s MarketRhythm in Green [ JAZZ] 9:30 am

Calapooia BrewingApropos Musique [FOLK] 8:00 pm

Riley’s Billiards Bar and GrillDance Party with DJ Unofficial, 9:00 pm

Corval l isBig RiverMemphis Street, [BLUES] 8:30 pm

Bombs Away CaféLost Tortoiss, Tirarde, Wormhole [ROCK] 9:00 pm, $3

Central ParkCorvallis Fall Festival, 6:00 pm, FREE11:00 am – Matthew Price12:45 pm – Volifonix2:30 pm – Son Mela’o4:30 pm – Rootdown6:00 pm – The Maharimbas7:30 pm – The I-5 Nine

Cloud 9Tourist and Office Driving, [ROCK] 10:00 pm

Crowbar RooftopBilly Sunrise [FOLK] 6:00 pm, FREE

25saturday

AlbanyCalapooia BrewingBlues Jam, 4:00 pm

Novak’s Hungarian Restaurant, 2306 Heritage Way SEStrings of Time [ACOUSTIC] 5:30 pm, FREE

Corval l isCentral ParkCorvallis Fall Festival, 6:00 pm, FREE11:00 am – Gumbo12:30 pm – Taylor Weaver, Danika Faith, Cheyenne Patton, Teen Idol Winners for 20102:00 pm – Jacob Merlin Band3:30 pm – The Silent Comedy

Fireworks Restaurant and BarLaura Ivancie [FOLK JAZZ] 8:00 pm

Peacock Bar and GrillKaraoke, 9:00 pm, FREE

Corval l isFireworks Restaurant and BarSouthtown Open Mic, 8:00 pm

BS Music Fest OSU Weatherford Amphitheater

& Club EscapeAll Ages, FREE!

the

big

one

s

alchemist pickAiming for the day after today

Target for Tomorrow is playing at Bombs Away Cafe at 10:00 p.m., the cover of $5 is a small price to pay for an intimate show performed by one of the areas top musical acts. Target for Tomor-row placed second at this years OSU Battle of the Bands.

Their sound is self described as “4th wave ska” and it blends the traditional ska horns and upbeat tempos with a harder, more soul-ful edge. I will stop trying to describe it now, as it defies my brain’s power to try and categorize them into any specific genre or sound. They play good music and play it with passion and enthusiasm. “Nuff said.

The drummer, Charley McGowan, is also the the MUPC vice-president, so if you have any grievances or suggestions or Wii throwdown challenges you can come to the show just to harass Charley. But once you’re done distracting him, sit down, stand up or jump around to some of the best live music the area has to of-fer. You will leave happier than you came and maybe even with a date...or at least some digits. Their shows usually draws large crowds of beautiful and rowdy people.

So get down there Corvallis and have a blast, have a beer, have some bomber nachos. You will not be disappointed...it’s an Alche-mist guarantee!

-Stanley Tollett

Weatherford Lineup:12:00 pm – Brian Smith12:30 pm – Fall of Electricity1:15 pm – Outdoor Voices1:50 pm – Skybridge Gypsies2:30 pm – Radion3:10 pm – Sunnyside3:45 pm – Purrbot4:20 pm – Christopher McFetridge4:55 pm – Shelby Sifers5:35 pm – On the Tundra6:20 pm – Pony VillageParade to Club Escape–Secret Society of Giraffes

Club Escape Lineup:7:00 pm – Adventure Gallery7:40 pm – Wizard Island8:15 pm – Sea Bell8:55 pm – BODYBLDNG9:35 pm – Reporter10:20 pm - Wampire

Riley’s Billiards Bar and GrillLadies Night with DJ Unofficial, 9:00pm

Corval l isBombs Away CaféTarget for Tomorrow [ROCK] 10:00 pm, $5

Crowbar RooftopSam Holmes [ACOUSTIC] 6:00 pm, FREE

Peacock Bar and GrillKaraoke, 9:00 pm, FREEDJ Mike, 9:00 pm, FREE

LebanonPeacock Bar and Grill EastBlues Jam featuring Kendall Lee and the Roadhouse Blues Band, [BLUES] 7:00 pm, FREEEvery other Thursday

Fireworks Restaurant and BarOlde Time Folk Dance: Benefit for the Waldorf SchoolCloud Mountain Ramblers with John Luna [FOLK] 7:00 pm, $5-$10 suggested

OddFellows Hall 223 SW 2nd StPlanet Boogie [WORLD] 8:00 pm, $5

OSU Reser StadiumOSU Marching Band Sneak Peak, 5:15 pm, FREE

Peacock Bar and GrillKaraoke, 9:00 pm, FREEDJ Alex, 9:00 pm, FREE

Troubador Music CenterThree Fingered Jack CD Release [CELTIC FOLK] 7:00 pm

TangentDixie Creek SaloonKaraoke, 9:00 pm, FREE

Fireworks Restaurant and BarSouthtown Street Party: Disc Golf Tourney Players PartyVolifonix [REGGAE] 7:00 pmRootdown [REGGAE] 8:30 pm

Corvallis Farmers’ MarketFirst St and MonroeThe Kindreds [COUN-TRYGRASS] 9:30 am

Peacock Bar and GrillDJ Big Cheese, 9:00 pm, FREE

LebanonLebanon Coffee House and Eatery, 661 Main StreetAfternoon Free Movie, 2:00 pmLive Music, 6:30 pm

Contr ibuted Photo

Matthew PriceFall Festival • Saturday 11:00 am

To be considered for a calendar list-ings, notice of events must be received

in writing by noon on Tuesday, two weeks before publication. Send to our Bump Editor. Photographs should

be clearly labeled and will be returned if accompanied by a self addressed,

stamped envelope.

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wo

rdStoney Girl sagaHow one desperately ill woman treated herself from the ground up.

Severe headaches, extreme nausea, and chron-ic pain: at age 25, Jenifer Valley desperately sought relief from these symptoms and oth-

ers associated with her stage four thyroid cancer.Medicine was her only relief. But there was a problem; her medicine – marijuana - was

illegal. Valley medicated herself anyway. She had to. Radiation

treatments would leave her sick for months; she was taking up to 35 prescription pills a day, and she was in and out of a doctor’s office and the emergency room.

The single mother would get her then-illegal medicine where she could, mostly from ragged street dealers who would try to take advan-tage of her financially and physically.

The constant search for quality medicine was exhausting. In 1999, seven years after originally being told she had

a 50 percent chance to survive just six months, Valley was cited for possession of marijuana. It was then that she asked her doctor about the recently created Oregon Medical Mar-ijuana Program.

“He told me that I was the kind of person the program was created for,” explains Valley, who has at least six condi-tions which qualified her for the OMMP including cancer, cachexia, chronic pain, chronic nausea, muscle spasms from her hypocalcaemia, and monthly migraines.

Now serving close to 30,000 patients, the OMMP allows people with debilitating medical conditions to use small amounts of marijuana without the fear of criminal or civil penalties. It also allows card-carrying patients to maintain up to six mature plants and possess 24 ounces of marijuana at a time.

Finally, Valley could legally use the substance – her medi-cine – that brought her peace.

Yet, she still had the dilemma of where to get high-qual-ity strains of medicinal marijuana. Using her legal status in the OMMP, she started growing marijuana for herself in a Portland apartment-setting up lights and a “bloom room” in a small closet. Her first yield was disappointing.

“It tasted like crap,” Valley says.After “murdering” more than 21 plants and otherwise

ending up with bad medicine, she got desperate.At a Portland dive bar where she worked – when she had

the energy – she started showing customers her medical marijuana card and asking them for help.

“Jesus lady, somebody’s going to kill you.” That’s how Mike Mullins - a regular at the bar, her future business part-ner, and lover - responded to her query.

Mullins was the perfect candidate. Along with his experi-ence in the white-collar corporate world, he had a history in the marijuana business too, the black market one. Mullins had also done a little growing before, plus he had some extra hardware lying around. Immediately, he agreed to help her.

What they grew together was more than just marijuana plants.

Valley and Mullins created Stoney Girl Gardens, an in-ternationally recognized breeder of medicinal quality mari-juana and perhaps the largest medical marijuana seed bank in the country.

They started Stoney Girl Gardens with just four strains. One was a Cannabis Cup award-winning strain known as White Rhino. Another, a Seattle chocolate Thai variety, was called Crippler. The Blueberry came from breeder D.J. Shorts, and the Berkeley was believed to be the “science project” of a University of California student who was fight-ing bone cancer.

Using these genetics and a harem breeding style (cross-pollinating several different strains at once), Stoney Girl Gardens has developed several award winning strains of its own.

They won the Oregon Medical Cannabis Award in 2002 and 2003, plus this November they plan to take their Pit Bull strain to Amsterdam to compete in the 23rd annual High Times Cannabis Cup.

But for Mullins and Valley, Stoney Girl Gardens is not just about awards; it’s about shar-ing the medicine they’ve developed with the people who need it most.

“A lot of people are skeptical when we tell them we aren’t selling anything,” Mullins said.In fact, Stoney Girl Gardens regularly gives away seeds and cuttings to patients in the

OMMP and medical marijuana support groups. However, they found giving away their top-of-the-line strains was not enough – they

needed to teach people HOW to grow.As a result, they created Portlandsterdam, a spin-off business that features classes such as

basic growing, genetics, cooking with marijuana, and hash for masters. They regularly host classes in Portland, Eugene, and Medford but are willing to travel to Corvallis and other locations if there are students who need to learn.

Through yet another business they created, Sunny Girl Gardens, Mullins and Valley, offer 100 percent organic potting soil that they guarantee will help you grow quality plants.

Now, the pair is taking their breeding a step further by pairing with Corvallis-based M-research, developer of the M-scale. With this scale, which classifies the effects of medical marijuana, Mullins and Valley are hoping to match strain varieties to patient needs based on symptoms and cannabinoid profiles.

Since being able to legally access high-quality medical marijuana, Valley has slashed her health care costs by more than 85 percent. She takes only two pills a day and has gained nearly 30 pounds. Last year she saw her doctor once, only to renew her medical marijuana license which costs her $100 a year.

She is also a medical marijuana activist – sitting on the boards of political action groups and engaging in discussions with policy makers.

Valley and Mullins want to make it easier for medical patients to gain access to what they call safe, legitimate, medicine. They avidly support Measure 74, the voter initiative they hope will be on the November ballot. If passed, the initiative would allow people with OMMP cards to purchase medical marijuana from growers and dispensaries.

CindyDauer

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Independent. Local. Unique.

541.758.2077www.block15.com

300 SW Jefferson AveCorvallis, OR

O ' P I N I N GpintsPlanning for the beerfest

It’s Saturday morning 6:33 am and in about seven days to the moment I’ll be head-ed out to the Benton County Fair Grounds to begin setting up the draft system for whole bunch of Septembeerfest beer. Instead of writing about it I’ll be living it. This local iconoclastic annual event is getting to be very ritualistic from a daily perspective as well as within the yearly cycle. This morning’s ritual begins with a cup of Pacifica Peruvian coffee and deep contemplations about the event as well as a peek at the 10-day weather forecast. While the coffee is great the forecast is not. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that we are not going to have any sort of summer at all and the showers expected next weekend will amount to an extension of our collective disappointment for a cold, wet autumn. But, with the help of my cup o’ Joe I’ll start feeling better about the weather situation and the fact that a beer festival in the rain is better than no beer festival at all!

This 3rd Annual Septembeerfest is brought to you by the local homebrewing club, the Heart of the Valley Homebrewers. We are the same group that religiously cleans a section of Hwy. 20 between Albany and Corvallis four times per year. We have put on 3 decades of the largest homebrew festival in the Pacific Northwest and collabo-rated with one of Oregon’s largest and newest microbrewery for a very special beer release. Look for and drink up Ninkasi’s Best in Show Weizelwizen. You can find the beer at many watering holes around town as well as in 22 oz. bottles from your bet-ter bottle shops. After three years of putting on this gig we’ve got a few things down pat; like getting great beer for a fun-filled one day show and creating a buzzzz that surrounds our work cubicles all year-long. The best thing about HOTV putting on Septembeerfest is that it is for the love of beer. We are not a for-profit corporation and any proceeds that remain, after we pay our bills, goes to feeding the hungry. All of our volunteers are exactly that and have only a burning desire for the promotion of craft beer. Come on out, grab a beer, slide down a tube steak and dance to some great music!

–Joel Rea (Corvallis Brewing Supply owner)[email protected]

Hop on over to theSeptembeerfestby Joel Rea

• Operated by: Heart of the Valley Homebrewers hotv.org I ♥ U guys!• Sponsored by: Calapooia Brewing Co., Block 15 Brewing, Ninkasi Brewing, Brew Design, Corvallis Brewing Supply, Squirrel’s Tavern and the Brew Station• Where: The Benton County Fair-grounds• Tents: Plenty of them to keep rain off of the people. Okay, in the best case scenario to keep the sun off us. • Ground transportation: The fair-grounds are on the edge of town on 53rd St. and if you have never been out there it would come across as a long walk. The bike path turning from Campus Way eventually out to the Midge Cramer Bike Path makes for a nice lazy day ride, although it’s unlit at night which means that it is pretty spooky! There is parking out there but it better be for your desig-nated driver! Which means that you should take the free shuttle! We have a special shuttle that stops at Reser Stadium, Block 15 and Squirrel’s. Corvallis Transit buses are free today and lucky bus C3 passes right by the fairgrounds!• Porta-pots: Check mark. Done. No worries. Got you covered!• Beer: Look forward to some pretty interesting beers this year as well as some classic mainstream. We’ve got five beers from the world class Weinstephan brewery of Freising, Germany. Corvallis’ newest brewery, Flat Tail Brewing, will be hitting the skids running with a long list of beers, including a melon beer called “Nice Melons” or is it “Meloncholy” or is it “?” Calapooia will have their long-lusted-after Simcoe Springs IIPA. Speaking of IIPA, Fort George will be here with their Vortex. Block 15 has a “shhhh...top secret” barrel-aged beer that we will get a first glimpse of. Oakshire is bringing out a freshly released Oktober-fest as well as Block 15 and Klamath Basin. Speaking of Klamath Basin we will be happy to have Corey Zsochoche representing successful Oregon State University graduates of the Fermentation Science program. We’ll also have the beer of OSU grad Trevor Howard from Hop Valley. I would hate to expose all of our treasures so, you’ll just have to come on out and search for some things on your own!• Food: Nina the Pretzel Queen, Block 15 Brewery and El Sol de Mexico• Music: Beaver Country Hot Air Band, Wild Hog in the Woods and the famous ElKabong Orchestra.• Charity: Linn-Benton Food Share. Proceeds of the event go to this non-profit that helps folks eat. That’s huge!• Cost: $10 at the door gets you an authentic real pint-sized glass sample container and two tastes. Subsequent 4 oz. taste tickets cost $1 which is about the same cost per ounce as a pint of beer anywhere else in town! Cash only, no cards accepted. • Your friends: All at Septembeerfest wondering what the hell you’re doing not there!• Dogs: Love ‘em. But, please leave ‘em at home.• Kids: Not crazy about ‘em, but they are welcome at this family-friendly anti-dog-atten-dance event. For the record, no cats are allowed at Septembeerfest.• Hours of Event: Saturday, September 25, 2 pm - 10 pm (beats 10 am - 2 pm). Last bus leaves the event at 10:30.OSU Fermentat ion Science • Official Beer: Ninkasi’s Best of Show which is Mort Piripi’s home-brewed award winning German Wheat ale from last May’s Oregon Homebrew Festival. We call it “The Weasel” and “Mort’s Beer” yet the official name is “Best of Show - ‘Weizelwizen”• Chicken Hat: Yes, it will be there on top of my head• Chicken Dance: Whaaaaaaa?• Post-Fest options: Wanna keep going on into the night? The free shuttle drops you off in front of Squirrel’s and/or Block 15. No chicken dance, though. No dogs or kids either.Let's start spreading the newsTwitter: Do itFacebook: See you thereMySpace: Fill it upFlickr: Show itYouTube: Show itStumbleupon: Make it happen.

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Thrilla with ChurillaChris Churilla is your local mix master.

Snugbar is like your living room. That is if your living room comes equipped with mood

lighting, swanky sofas, a big flat screen, and one of Beverage Media’s “Top 10 Mixolo-gists to Watch.” No really, in the basement of the uber-posh Magenta restaurant, Snug-bar envelops its patrons like a worn-in pair of your boyfriend’s sweat pants and a thread bare T-shirt from American Apparel—only way better. Hint: Don’t actually wear that to the Snugbar.

“I’ve always loved this space. It’s got ev-erything a bartender wants; it’s got a lot of personality,” Churilla says.

The Alchemist Weekly has given Churil-la a task this evening: to come up with a cock-tail that in-

cludes vanilla, because we’ve already named it the Vanilla Churilla. Watching him pon-der the spirits and pick out just the right flavors for our cocktail is like watching a painter select colors or what you might think a fashion designer does when they pick out fabrics. It’s all very methodical, open the li-quor, smell it, swirl it around, smell it again, set it down and move on to the next one. Churilla tells me this artistic approach to creating cocktails isn’t a new one, the art form has been around for centuries. And,

he has read and gathered inspiration from the cocktail greats of centuries long gone.

“How did Jerry Thomas make a Tom and Jerry? I want to make it how he made it back in 1889,” Churilla says. “How did Dale DeGroff, who’s still alive, how did he make a Gin Gimlet back in the eighties, even be-fore that, in the seventies?”

At 34-years-old now, Churilla has been in the cocktail business for six years and got his start at Crowbar where he was a bar-back for Cloud Davidson. Moving up through the ranks, Churilla became a bartender at Cloud 9 and Downward Dog when Davidson moved on to open his own establishments. What began as a way to support himself through college—Churilla has a Bachelor’s of Fine Arts—has now be-come more than just a job. As an artist in the traditional sense Churilla has found a way to comprise his artistic expression with a different medium. He desires his cocktails to inhabit the bars he works in much like a painting would—becoming a fixture of the setting, and they do. Case in point, many of Churilla’s cocktails are still available at Cloud 9 and Downward Dog even though he’s moved on to the next venture.

However, several months ago Churilla was like a Manhattan that had been shaken instead of stirred, he was bruised. Bruised by life. He wanted to return to school to pursue an advanced degree but after buy-ing a house with his wife, the finances just

weren’t allowing it to happen. Loca Luna, the gig he had going at the time was be-ginning to slow. He found himself really questioning his choice in career. And, to top things off, one night while walking home he was jumped and severely injured. So severe, that Churilla says, one more stra-tegically placed punch could have ended his life. But, it didn’t, and while the next few months were hard, even dealing with bouts of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Churilla has come out on the other side with a better grasp on the important things in life and with a newfound appreciation of his craft and the enjoyment it provides.

Even though Snugbar is still a baby in the industry, having only been open about a month, the packed house on opening night was just the reassurance he needed.

“It made me feel really special and it made me feel really well loved by the people in the community. So, that’s when you know that you’re doing something that’s more than just alcohol,” Churilla says.

Everything about him says it’s so much more than just alcohol. It’s a labor of love and at the same time, it’s serious business. There’s a certain amount of clout that sur-rounds Churilla when it comes to cocktails.

“It’s approaching [a drink] with the knowledge of the spirits, what they do in the drink, and how they should be used,” Churilla says.

He has the knowledge base to tell you

CourtneyClenney

Ingredients1.5 oz Bourbon3/4 oz Ransom Old Tom Gin3/4 oz Sweet Vermouth1/4 oz Orgeat Almond Syrup1/4 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

Instruct ionsMix all ingredients over rocks and stir with a spoon between the ice and the glass careful not to bruise the spirits.

Double strain into a martini glass.

GarnishFlamed Lemon peelCut a 1/2 dollar sized lemon peel. Light a match and gently squeeze the lemon peel to release the oils while holding the match close to it and over the drink to create a carmelized film of lemon oils over the drink. Sip and enjoy!

CHURILLAvanilla

more than you can comprehend about spir-its, a little black book of his own cocktail creations, and his own bartending tools, strainers, mixing tins, spoons that are all protected in a briefcase that he has gutted and custom padded and upholstered with a space for each tool. For Snugbar, Churilla handpicks the alcohol he wants to order.

Del Alma is a new restaurant that will soon be opening in the former Loca Luna spot and Churilla has made his mark there as well—being involved with their cocktail list. As we told you earlier, Churilla was featured in the Beverage Media magazine as one of top 10 mixologists in the nation. As with any other art form, the desire to share it with the world isn’t lost on Churilla and his craft has taken him all around the country. He was chosen along with 43 oth-ers out of hundreds to be a mixologist at the “Tales of the Cocktail,” conference in New Orleans a few months ago. We’ve seen him on shakerfaces.com, an online competition sponsored by Combier Liqeur D’Orange, and he’s had a custom cocktail, the Seven Feather, on grangalashakedown.com.

Like a musician on tour, he’ll be travel-ing to Portland and even as far as Milwau-kee, Wisconsin, Chicago, and Seattle to do some guest bartending.

The Vanilla Churilla is a success. You could just trust me, but luckily, you don’t have to rely on my taste buds as Churilla was nice enough to let us print the specs.

Chris Churi l la may or may not st ick his nose in your drink at the Snugbar

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A year ago, the Oregon legislature voted and signed into law a bill to allow the state’s Department of Agriculture to oversee the production, possession,

and trade of industrial hemp. The passage of SB 676 made Oregon the ninth state to authorize the farming of the low-THC version of Cannabis sativa L. In January of 2010, the law went into effect.

And since then, nothing has happened.The bill that Oregon passed was one that explicitly states that the

Department of Agriculture will have to wait until the federal gov-ernment changes its stance of classifying hemp as marijuana despite the fact that hemp is useless as a drug.

In October of 2009, the United States Department of Justice made its stance on the use of medical marijuana clear. Through a memorandum they claimed they will “not focus federal resources in your States on individuals whose actions are in clean and unambigu-ous compliance with existing states laws providing for the medical

use of marijuana.”The memo sent out to all United States

Attorneys expresses that they are in no way endorsing the use of marijuana or claiming that it is now legal, but “this memorandum is

intended solely as a guide to the exercise of investigative and pros-ecutorial discretion.”

In one day, the federal government was able to ease the tension between state endorsed medical marijuana use and law enforcement. Despite the federal government taking a more lenient stance on medical marijuana, no states in the Union have been able or willing to issue production licenses for industrial hemp.

The irony of the situation is that 15 states, plus the District of Co-lumbia, are willing to put their citizens at the risk of federal prosecu-tion by promoting the growth and consumption of an illegal sub-stance, but they won’t grant industrial hemp the same consideration for civil disobedience.

According to a 2000 report put out by the Economic Research Service of the United States Department of Agriculture, the first plots planted in the United States in nearly 40 years were laid down in Hawaii in 1999. The Hawaiian plot was only allowed by the DEA because the scientists growing the hemp enclosed it with a 12-foot-high fence and secured it with infrared surveillance. Remember, there is no more than three-tenths of one percent of tetrahydocannabinol (THC) in industrial hemp. According to the same report, marijuana for drug use contains from 3 to 15 percent of THC.

Industrial hemp has a wide variety of uses. Some reports even claim that no plant has the commercial viability of industrial hemp, which can be used to create up to 30,000 products. Because the United States does not produce hemp domestically, it must be imported. The

2000 USDA report stated that our country imported 1,890,421 pounds of industrial hemp.More recent information is available from Canada’s Agriculture and Agri-Food Web site.

It stated that in 2007, Canada exported 876 metric tons of industrial hemp for a Canadian value of $3,454,149 ($3,343,864 US). Of the 876 metric tons, approximately 517 tons, or 1,139,778 pounds ($1,972,879 US worth), of it came into the United States.

With the upcoming ballot measures concerning medical marijuana and the decriminaliza-tion of marijuana seemingly on the horizon, it is unlikely that industrial hemp will ever be a major crop in Oregon. The issue at hand is more a question of hypocrisy.

At the time of publishing, there was one question, maybe even the biggest, left unan-swered.

Why was the 2009 industrial hemp legislation in Oregon written with a provision to keep in consideration the federal definition of hemp as marijuana?

EVENTS CALENDAR2010CONNECT Week: SEPT 19-25Campus MovieFest: OCT 19-28Homecoming Celebration &Benny’s Birthday: OCT 30Dad’s Weekend: NOV 12-14Civil War in Corvallis: DEC 4Children’s Holiday Party: DEC 5

2011Leadership Conference: FEB 12OSU Has Talent: FEB 25Mom’s Weekend: APR 29-MAY 1Snow in the Quad: MAY 20Battle of the Bands: JUN 3Flat Tail Music Festival: JUN 4

For more info visit: OSUMU.ORGCONTACT MUPCViSiT: mu.oregonstate.edu/mupcCALL: 541-737-MUPC (6872)

CONNECT WEEK EVENTS PRESENTED BY MUPC!

MUPC Mocktail Party7:00p.m. - 9:00p.m.Location: MU Lounge

- Bring out those dress pants and a button up shirt and prepare to rub elbows with the MU elites, MUPC Directors, ASOSU Executives and other student body representatives with some fancy non-alcoholic beverages and conversation!

MUPC & ASOSU Present:Camp Out in the Quad!6:00p.m. - 8:00a.m.Location: Sign in at the MU Quad

- Enjoy a Barbecue, carnival games, prizes galore and a free movie in the quad when it gets dark!

- Drawing for a FREE iPad and MORE!! (must be present to win prizes)

- Bring a sleeping bag, tent or just a blanket and a pillow to camp out under the stars!

- Free food and games (including Ultimate Frisbee on IM fields and Capture the Flag)

- Free shuttles to Fred Meyer Night and back!

Choose Your Own AdventureScavenger Hunt!2:00p.m. - 5:00p.m.Location: Meet on the MU front steps at 2pm, and afterwards bring the final checklist and pictures to MU103 when completed or at the end of 2 hours.

- Pick up a campus map and search for the most interesting oddities and important places on campus!

- Remember your camera or phone, because after all...pics or it didn’t happen!

- Prizes will be awarded: › 1-3 place (with completed list) › Best picture › Most awkward photo

(people must be in photo) › Wild card photo

(Best campus photo no listed) › Funniest picture › Best collaboration

(fitting more than one item into a photo)

WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRiDAYSEPTEMBER 22 SEPTEMBER 23 SEPTEMBER 24

The hemp and marijuana conundrumLegalize it—hemp, that is.

NoahStroup

In 1942, the United State Department of Agriculture released a film called Hemp for Victory to promote the need for hemp to be grown in the United States. The film states that because Philippine and East Indian sources of hemp have fallen into Japanese hands the United States must once again take up the work of pro-ducing the much needed fiber. The narrator continues, “In 1942 14,000 acres of fiber hemp were harvested in the United States. The goal for 1943 is 300,000 acres.” The film is available for your viewing on the internet.

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SUNDAY • September 27thGumbo

Teen Idols - Taylor Weaver, Danika Faith, Cheyenne PattonJacob Merlin

Silent Comedy

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Twenty year old Jennifer Lawrence turns in a star mak-ing performance in this crime mystery/drama based on the novel of the same name by Daniel Woodrell. It’s adapted for the screen by the film’s director Debra Granik and co-writer Anne Rosellini. The cast is mostly filled with un-knowns other than popular character actors John Hawkes (possibly most known for a small turn this year on Lost as Lennon) and Kevin Breznahan. I hadn’t seen any trailers or advertisements for this movie and knew very little about it prior to seeing it (which is rare for me) but the buzz is huge, especially for actress Jennifer Lawrence. She shines in every scene and really makes the movie memorable. There’s already talk about a possible Oscar nomination come award time, and she would deserve it.

The film tells the story of a seventeen-year-old girl named Ree (Lawrence) who’s been raising her twelve year old brother Sonny (Isaiah Stone) and six-year-old sister Ashlee (Ashlee Thompson) for several years now single-handedly. Her mother is depressed and mentally unstable and her fa-ther has been cooking and dealing meth or in prison for the last several years. So, without her parents around, Ree has been forced to raise the children on her own at their mountain home in the Missouri Ozarks. She relies on the kindness of their friendly neighbor for extra food and such and the three have been able to scrape by. But, as the movie opens, she gets some bad news from the local sheriff (played by Garret Dillahunt). He informs her that her father is due in court the next week and his whereabouts are unknown. The problem for Ree and her siblings is that her father put their home up as bail for his release and if he doesn’t

show up in court the house will be seized. Fear of her brother and sister being left homeless, she goes on a mission to find her father but everyone she asks tells her to stop looking and forget about it. It’s obvi-ous that people know more than there letting on and as Ree investigates further she puts herself into grave danger.

The movie is an inter-esting and compelling character study and the directing is impressive. The cinematography is beauti-ful and the score is almost non-existent, which is a fit-ting touch. The acting and dialog is all very believ-able and natural, especially Lawrence. But, Hawkes is impressive and memorable as well. The movie is de-pressing and very ugly at times, but the strength and willpower of the lead char-acter is extremely touching and inspiring. That’s where the heart of the movie lies and a lot of it is due to Lawrence’s portrayal. The film takes a while to get going. Although it leads to an impressive and satisfactory third act the first and second get repetitive and a little uninteresting. We see Ree go to too many different households asking the same questions and getting the same answers. It certainly takes its time developing its story and at times it almost feels like it’s not going to lead much of anywhere, but the conclusion is worth the wait. The acting and scenery is always impressive as well and so is the lead performance.SUNDAY

MEETSWAP

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Credit : Sebastian Mynarski/Roadside Attract ions

Page 15: The Alchemist Weekly 09.21.10

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Across1. Cyclops and Nightcrawler, e.g.5. Old TV dial letters8. Gospel figure14. Ingredient in some fake meat15. 2016 Olympics city16. Enough for a meeting17. Random, casino-based way of deciding whether to admit a pledge?20. TV chef Brown21. Act of messing with doc-trine22. "My ass!"24. Goat's cry25. Sound measuring units: Abbr.28. Make the wiseass pledge look foolish?32. Easy gait33. Night sky vision34. Smoking, say35. Suffix with 37-Across37. Prefix with 35-Across39. "Hee ___"41. Invisible energy ball han-dler42. Machine with a shutter

44. "Don't ___ me, bro!"46. Curtis of Joy Division47. In the center of48. B.O. and week-old Miller Chill?51. Clink52. Get on in years53. Greek goddess of discord54. More flu-like, say56. Huskies' sch.60. Red Stripe drinking game?64. Possibility65. Rev66. "___ 9 From Outer Space"67. Shrub cutters68. Star quality?69. Biblical birthright seller

Down1. Bonus, in the ad business2. Kill, and then some3. Prefix with "while"4. Total despair5. Brewer6. Like robotics7. Preceding, poetically8. Wallowing sounds9. Arkansas River city10. Russo with the '90s catch-phrase "Whoa!"11. Table scrap

DROWSSORCOh Brother

Inkwell Crosswords by Ben Tausig

12. Simple abode13. UK pop music mag18. Pro19. "It's him ___" (relationship ultimatum)23. Part of TGIF: Abbr.25. To whom the "Me" in "Mini-Me" refers26. Northern27. Outboard rudder places28. One might spin, on a fancy car29. Blazing30. Get closer before shooting?31. ___ quick retreat32. Hip-hop album article36. Really good38. High school degree equiv.40. Pitcher43. Some blankets45. Old atlas abbr.49. Horse controller50. Leave that asshole zookeeper behind forever, provided you can find a way into the sewer52. She's just playing54. Cambodia's continent55. Hipness57. Some are essential58. Pat Summitt's org.59. Part of an Orkan greeting60. Puts on canvas?61. N.T. book after Galatians62. Verizon forerunner63. It includes mayo and julio

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ThursdaySeptember 23rdWild Hog in the Woods7:30 pm

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