the actor games book version1

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    HOST: Avant Garde.

    AVANT: (Steps Forward) I am a cactus. We are all cacti.

    HOST: Just a simple greeting is all we need.

    AVANT: (Addressing the Host.)You Primrose, . . . are acantaloupe.

    HOST: Thank you, very much. Nextdistrict: Hollywood.

    HOLLYWOOD: (Steps Forward) (Glamorous, incrediblyshallow.) Hi there.

    HOST: And how can we forget, Method Acting.

    METHOD: (Dressed in the style of Marlon Brando Jeans, Tee-Shir t) (Paces back and forth, not responding,still deep within the inner workings of his character).

    HOST: Uh...Method Acting? Hello?

    METHOD: (Intense.) Hello!!! Is that what you want me tosay?Hello? There, I said it. Make you happy?

    HOST: (To audience.)As you can tell, its a wideassortment.And, because only one person can win, there aremany losers, each of whom suffers a terrible fate. But, for theone victor who remains on stage, there is fame, fortune, anda long life in the most wonderful place in all the world:(dramatic pause) The Theatre!

    (All nine Actors bow at the word theatre and then exit)

    HOST: Those are nine of the districts, but wait, there are 10 districts.

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    Wehavent met the last one. ....///Etc. etc. etc.

    HOST: (Re-Composing herself.) Well, . . . Mary, I guess, as the familyunderstudy, youre the nominee for the Actor Games from the District ofCommunity Theater!

    * HOST: (Irritated)Meryl, Huh? Pretty fancy for someone who comesfrom

    your district, The District of Community Theater.

    * (The other nine distr ict Actors re-enter STAGE LEFT and Pose.)

    * HOST: (As Actors re-enter) I see your fellow competitors moving intoposition . . . MERYL. Time for you to take your place with the others(MERYL moves to middle of line of Actors)

    HOST: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your thespians of the 75 thannualActor Games. Lets give them a round of applause.

    * HOST: Now, here are the rules. Each of you will go thru a series ofgrueling drama activities. If the Casting Director approves of yourperformance, you move to the next round. If not, then death (Actorsreact) The death of your career (Actors react more)

    HOST: AND, your fate will be decided by the Fallback Wheel.

    HOST: Contestants, are you ready to begin? (All contestants nod, ad-lib the affirmative.) Good. May the Oscars be ever in your favor.

    (In come the props! Etc................................) Musical sings etc.......

    * MUSICAL: NOOO!! * * * STAGE CREW #2: (escorts MUSICALoffs tage, STAGE RIGHT) (Interrupts Exit to Bow).

    HOST: Now that we know just how high the stakes are, shall we trythe countdown again. Three . . . two . . . one . . . GO.

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    * (The ACTORS move slowly to Tub and grab products.SHAKESPEARE blocks MERYLs path to props. Mop isleft untaken)

    * HOST: (Enthusiasm.)Well done contestants! Now, doesevery team have a prop? (HOST walks the line of Actorschecking each pairing -- DO NOT MENTION PROPS BYNAME --- Call out each pair aloud to the audience: GREEK& COMMEDIA; HOLLYWOOD & AVANT GARDE;MELODRAMA & SILENT; SHAKESPEARE & METHOD

    HOST: (Dismissive)Have fun with that! (To audience.)Okay,First up for the commercial round, the tragic melancholy ofAncient Greece versus the comedic mayhem of

    SHAKSPERE: (Over-act) Whats he that wishes for another toothpaste? No,..............................Extra Strength Presto Gel! Huzzah!

    * * METHOD: (Disdain) I dont do commercials. ...............Something assimple and as pure as a man brushing his teeth (Holds toothbrush out toSHAKES to apply toothpaste.) right on stage (Brushes teeth). Say, thisPresto Gel is minty! Hows my breath? (Breathe into SHAKESPEARESface)

    * HOST: Well done! Well Done, Actors! Take a bow!(SHAKESPEARE bows.)[APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE]

    METHOD: I dont bow. (SHAKESPEAR & METHOD moveaway f rom microphone.)

    HOST: This next commercial combines the surrealist styleofAvant Garde theater with the glamour of Hollywood.

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    HOLLYWOOD and AVANT GARDE move towardMicrophone

    HOLLYWOOD: (Very sexy.)Hi there. (Lean In.)Im notascientist, but I play one on television. Maybe youve seenme? Of course you have. Well, being a scientist on TV isjust as good as being a real one. Maybe even gooder.Because I get to tell the rest of the world about thisamazing scientific discovery: Its called a Slinky. Its a newtoy your kids will love. According to our research, it walksdown stairs, alone or in pairs. And, listen up, America, itmakes a slinkety sound. My lovely assistant here is goingto show us how the Slinky works.

    AVANT: (Plays with the Slinky, changing the levelsback and forth) Meow! Meow!

    HOLLYWOOD: Uh, its not a cat.

    AVANT: (Bouncing the Slinky up and down like a Yo-Yo)Whoowhooo!

    HOLLYWOOD: Uh, its not an owl either. Its a childs toy.

    *AVANT: (Places Slinky on HOLLYWOODS head)Youare a childs toy. (Very Sexy) Wouldnt you like to be mytoy, Lets play.

    * HOST: All right! All right! Get a room! I think weve seenenough.Take a bow and go. [APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE](HOLLYWOOD and AVANT GARDE bow, move away

    from microphone.)

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    * STAGE CREW #2: (Moves next to GREEK andproc laims LOUDLY). Maybe, its because you did ahorrible job selling acne cream. (To audience)Oh, andyou also mentioned Mt. Vesuvius, and thats from AncientRome, not Ancient Greece.

    etc.......................

    GREEK: Am I to join a rock and roll band?

    * STAGE CREW #1: (Author itatively)No, it means youllspend the rest of your days pushing a rockup a hill thenwatching it roll down, over and over again. (Mockingly)Enjoy! (Exits STAGE LEFT taking microphone)

    * GREEK: Noooo!(Escorted of fstage STAGE RIGHT bySTAGE CREW #2)(Interrupt Exit to Bow).

    * HOST: Time to clear the stage. You actors get thirtyseconds before your next challenge. (Exits STAGE LEFT)

    * * MERYL: (Step forward, turns right) Bye, Moppy.

    ALL WIRELESS MICROPHONES OFF; ALL LAVALIERMICROPHONES ON!!

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    * * * HOST: (Re-enters Stage Area ClappingHands walks across stage. Actors turn towardaudience.) Alright Actors,Time for the Actor Games tocontinue. Now you will be paired up with another actor.Lets re-check our alignment, shall we. (Walks the lineof Actors, announces the Actor pairings out loudto the audience): HOLLYWOOD & SILENT ACTOR,

    MERYL & SHAKESPEARE, MELODRAMA &METHOD, AVANT & COMMEDIA DELLARTE

    * HOST: For this next challenge, all you need to do ismake your opponent laugh in the next sixty seconds.Beginning NOW!

    * COMMEDIA & AVANT: (Move DOWNSTAGE --SMALL STEP.)

    COMMEDIA: (Rhyming) (Strikes a weird pose)AVANT GARDE, wont you laugh at my funny pose?Or giggle as I wiggle my nose?

    AVANT: No, COMMEDIA, I wont. Wouldnt you ratherlaugh at the (Dramatic Gesture) absurdity oftheuniverse?

    COMMEDIA: (Rhyming.) With your dismal outlook Icould never cope. I

    would rather spend time with a

    misanthrope. (Giggles).

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    * HOLLYWOOD & SILENT: (Move DOWNSTAGE --LARGE STEP.)

    * STAGE CREW #2: Follows SILENT ACTOR (Off toleft side of SILENT ACTOR)

    SILENT:(Performs for HOLLYWOOD, doing severalhat/cane tr icks.)

    HOLLYWOOD: So what? You call that funny?

    SILENT:(Slips up and drops a hat.)

    HOLLYWOOD: Ha, ha! You messed up! (SFX: Ding.)

    HOST: We have our first laugher.

    HOLLYWOOD: (Irritated)Hold on! I wasnt laughingwith him, I was laughing at

    him. Look, anyone can flip ahat around like that. Watch.

    (HOLLYWOOD tries to

    pick up the hat, but kicks it across the floor. Hemoves again and accidentally kicks it.)

    SILENT: (Burst into silent laughter).

    * STAGE CREW #2: HA, HA, HA(SFX: Ding)

    * HOLLYWOOD: (Picks up hat, gives hat back toSILENT) Cool. I meant to do that.

    __________________________________

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    * COMMEDIA & AVANT: (Move DOWNSTAGE -- SMALLSTEP)

    COMMEDIA: (Rhyming.) AVANT GARDE, I know.Ill act out ascene on your behalf. What kinds of things make you laugh?

    AVANT: COMMEDIA, laughter is but a backwards scream.

    COMMEDIA: (To Entire Cast)Would someone like to changeplaces with me?

    * ALL ACTORS: (Back up - re-position ) No way

    (SFX: Ding). (SFX: Ding). (SFX: Ding).

    HOST: Those three dings mean the time is up, and I am afraidthe COMMEDIA DELLARTE and AVANT GARDE have lost.

    ___________________________________

    After Shakespeare crys FOUL and BUZZER

    * STAGE CREW #2: (Flips through Dialogue Cards ) andHOST responds:

    (First Card) But... But... But... Host: Nobutts . . .

    etc...............................................

    (Next Card) PLEASE! Host: You are eliminated.

    STAGE CREW #1: Spins FallBack Wheel. And the Fallback

    lands on lucky number 11 (whatever number it is). (Reacts

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    Very Upset.) Oh no. Not this one. Our friend is doomed tobecome.... Oh, its too painful for me to say out loud.

    EVERYBODY: (Except SILENT.) Say it! Say it!

    * STAGE CREW #1: You are doomed to become (DramaticPause)a BINGO game caller . . . in a gated community . . . foractive adults.

    * *Al l ACTORS: (Gasp) Oh No (SILENT looks to them forcomfort.)

    MERYL: (MERYL turns away in horror.) Its too painful towatch.

    SHAKES: (Pomposity)Now, where was I?

    * MELODRAMA: (Interrupts SHAKESPEARE) You hadyour chance. Time for a truetragedian to take the stage.(To Audience)The year is 1898. Paris. The middle of

    winter. I am Madame Loisel, (Haughty)an exquisitelybeautiful woman who is married to a handsome (DramaticPause)yet dim-witted husband. (She coyly leadsHOLLYWOOD by her side to play the role.) Oh,husband.

    HOLLYWOOD: (Clueless)Yeah, babe?

    MELODRAMA: (Drama) My life is so dreary. I deserve tobe wealthy.Yet here I am in this pathetically middle-classhouse withnothing to do on Saturday night.

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    HOLLYWOOD: (Smarmy)Cheer up, babe. Weve beeninvited to myboss party. Its just what youve been waitingfor. Isnt itwonderful?

    MELODRAMA: Its terrible! I have nothing to wear!

    HOLLYWOOD: (Clueless Its cool. I bought you a newdress. Isnt itwonderful?

    MELODRAMA: Hardly! (Haughty)I have nothing to wear

    with it.

    HOLLYWOOD: (Clueless How about some flowers?

    MELODRAMA: (Haughty)Dont make me wretch.(Haughty)I need jewelry!

    HOLLYWOOD: Well, maybe that rich friend of yours (Pointtoward MERYL who has put on a necklace while theaudience is distracted) will letyou borrow some.

    MELODRAMA: (To MERYL.) Oh, rich friend, may I borrowsome jewelry?

    MERYL: Certainly, take whatever pleases you.

    MELODRAMA: This necklace. Oh, its perfect! May I?

    MERYL: You certainly may. (Take necklace off and giveit to MELODRAMA) Just return it after the party.

    HOLLYWOOD: (Taking MELODRAMAS hand.) Isnt this

    a

    lovely party, Doll?

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    * * MELODRAMA: Oh, husband, (Haughty)do shut up.Now, dance with me.(Everyone dances. HOLLYWOODwith MELODRAMA, SHAKES with MERYL, METHODwith HOST) (Minuet-type Dance Music Plays Briefly)

    (MELODRAMA loses necklace during the dance givesit to HOLLYWOOD)

    HOLLYWOOD: Well Babe, time to go home.

    MELODRAMA: That was so glamorous. I didnt want it toend.

    HOLLYWOOD: Hey, Babe, wheres the necklace?

    MELODRAMA: (Drama) What? Oh dear! (Desperation)Its gone! Where is it? Help me find it! (Panic) It must besomewhere! (She suddenly switches from a desperatecharacter to a calm narrator.) But the necklace wasnowhere to be found. Too ashamed to tell her friend thetruth, Madame Loisel and her husband took out a loan.

    * * SHAKES: (Plays Shady Banker , looks furtively(up/down/left/right), takes money out of pocket, givesto HOLLYWOOD.)$800, $900, $1000 hundred, . . .

    MELODRAMA: Then they purchased an identical necklacefrom an expensive jewelry store.

    * * * METHOD: (Plays role of jewelry store ownerreceives money f rom HOLLYWOOD)$800, $900, $1000hundred, . . .(Hands jewelry bag to HOLLYWOOD)

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    * HOLLYWOOD: (Pocket bag , Hand necklace toMELO) Here you go, Babe.

    * MELODRAMA: Madame Loisel gives the necklace to herfriend, who had no idea of the deception. Then, for the nextten years, Matilda Loisel struggled to pay off her debts.Working odd jobs. Sewing, mending socks, doing otherpeoples laundry. Struggling until she was finally able topay off the loans for the necklace. By then, she seemedlike an old, broken, down-trodden woman. (Moving DOWNSTAGE RIGHT, hunches over, adjust ing costume ifpossible to enhance the effect)

    MERYL: Oh, excuse me, old, broken, down-troddenwoman

    MELODRAMA: (Haughty)Im no older than you are.

    MERYL: (Taken Aback)I beg your pardon?

    MELODRAMA: Dont you recognize me?

    MERYL: Madame Loisel? Its been so long. Whathappened to you?

    MELODRAMA: (Drama) I look this way because Iveworked myfingers to the bone. The necklace you lent methat night at your party. I lost it. (High Drama) But I boughtyou a new one in secret, and I have been paying off theloan for the last ten years.

    MERYL: (Confused)This necklace?

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    MELODRAMA: (Confused)Well, now that you mention it,Yes.

    MERYL: But, this necklace is a cheap imitation. I got it onthe Home Shopping Network. It cost me twentyfrancs.

    MELODRAMA: (In great despair.)Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!(Very dramatic, bends over,stomps her feet.) Why?! Why?! Whhhhhyyyyyyyy????(Sobs. Suddenly looks up, moves hands in front of

    face, and bows)

    * METHOD: (Contempt)Lady, that necklace story is soold-fashioned. What dim-witted idiot is going to cry overthat?

    HOLLYWOOD: (Consumed with tears) Its so sad!(Clutches MERYL and blubbers onto her shoulder.)(Jumps up, turns around) Okay, my turn . . . (Sarcastic)While Im still feeling the emotion.Ill be doing a scene fromthesaddest movie ever made, the one about the Titanic.(Takes MERYLS hand.)Youll be my soul mate,(Smarmy) my Godfather is filming a remake, so this willbe good practice forme.

    * * STAGE CREW #1: Enters STAGE LEFT, brings outChair with b lue sheets, goes to FallBack Wheel

    MERYL: You know, Ive never seen this movie.

    * * HOLLYWOOD: (Amazed)No way, everyone has seen

    this movie. (Hand sheets to SHAKESPEARE right of MerylMERYL: I dont think I have.

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    * HOLLYWOOD: (Guides her into the chair.)Just stayhere. Youll know what to do. SHAKESPEARE, you andMETHOD play the ocean.

    * * * METHOD: (Moves left of MERYL) Ocean.(Contemplative)Im the ocean?

    MERYL: Oh, just shut up and make waves.

    * * SHAKES:(Takes sheet, hands part of sheet to

    METHOD; SHAKESPEARE and METHOD wave sheetsin front of the chair)

    HOLLYWOOD: MELODRAMA, would you like to play theiceberg.

    MELODRAMA: (Offended)How dare you.

    METHOD: No, no, its a great acting challenge. I envy you.

    MELODRAMA: I look nothing like an iceberg!

    * * STAGE CREW #2: Enters STAGE RIGHT, Puts whitesheet around MELODRAMA, and announcesIcebergsready! Moves to DEATH SCENES POINTS BOARD

    * * HOLLYWOOD: Music please.(SFX: Theme Song from TITANIC plays) (Moves chair around while water

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    sheets wave) MERYL, I mean Rose, I w-w- want to s-s-say that even though Im freezing in the Atlantic Ocean,surrounded by hundreds of popsicle people, all becauseour ship sank for some undetermined reason . . . .

    MELODRAMA: (Interrupts.) Iceberg!

    HOLLYWOOD: . . . but no matter what happens, I wantyou toknow that I am thankful, Rose . . . Im thankful.

    MERYL: You poor thing, youre shivering. Come on, sithere, with me.

    HOLLYWOOD: No. I want you to be safe. What happensto me doesnt matter. Besides, there isnt nearly enoughroom.

    MERYL: (Rolling around)What do you mean? If I get onyour lap, theres plenty of room on this thing.

    * HOLLYWOOD: (Confused)No, No, No, thats not whats

    supposed to happen (Mystified)Did you really neverwatch the movie?

    MERYL: (Adamant)I told you, no!

    * * * SHAKES: (Flings Sheet Down)Once again, thouartsoiling another tragic scene. Just like you did with my KingLear scene. I think she should be eliminated!

    HOST: (Authoritatively)Thats not up to you!

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    * METHOD: (Waving Sheets)People, People, Still anoceanhere, people.

    * SHAKES: (Angry) (To HOST)You want tragedy? (ToAudience)How about revenge tragedy! (Draws toysword.)

    * MERYL: (Stands Up) SHAKESPEARE, What do youthink youre doing?

    * * * SHAKES: Making an end of you, MERYL! (MERYLbacks away) Your kind does not belongon the stage!(Running at HER, holding sword high)Cry Havoc! andlet slip the dogs of war--- whoa!(SHAKESPEARE lowers sword, charges MERYL; MERYL dodges outof the way; SHAKESPEARE runs thru doorway STAGELEFT). (SFX: Loud crash.)

    * * (METHOD gathers wave sheet, tosses sheet ontochair; HOST tosses ice berg sheet toward door

    STAGE RIGHT)MERYL: (Calling off stage.)Are you all right?

    * * SHAKES: (Walks back onto the stage. He holds abrokenmop.) (HOLD HIGH, LOOK AT MOPFORLORNLY, AND WAIT FOR AUDIENCE TO LAUGH)

    MERYL: (Upset)Moppy?

    * SHAKES: (Contrite)(Talk to Mop) Mop, in thy horizons,be all my sins remembered!

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    * * * MERYL: (Insistently)Give him to me!! (Deeplymoved, SHE sits in the Chair cradling the mop) Wecan fix him, right? Cant we?

    * METHOD: (Moves behind MERYL/Chair, OTHERACTORS stand and watch.)

    MERYL: Im sorry this happened to you, old friend.

    METHOD: (Speaking in the Mop voice.) MERYL . . . Is

    that you?

    MERYL: Im right here, Moppy. Im not going anywhere.

    METHOD: (Mop voice.)Promise me one thing . . .

    MERYL: Yes . . . Whatever it is . . .

    METHOD: (Mop voice.) You have to win this.

    MERYL: Shhh... Dont worry about that now.

    METHOD: (Mop voice.)Will you sing me a song?

    MERYL: (Singing, sadly to the tune of Hush, LittleBaby.)Hush, little Moppy... Dont make a peep. Mamasgonnasing to you until you sleep.

    * EVERYBODY FREEZE IN PLACE!!

    AVANT: (Walking out across enti re Stage) Even I thinkthis is weird.(AVANT exits.)

    * EVERYBODY UNFREEZE IN PLACE!!

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    * HOST: (Snarky)Well, isnt that special!

    * MERYL: (Stands up out of chair).

    * HOST: The results are in! The actors from the followingdistricts may step forward. Shakespeare. Hollywood.(SHAKESPEARE & HOLLYWOOD step forward proudlyand pose).You have been eliminated.

    * STAGE CREW #1: Enters STAGE LEFT and goes to

    FallBack Wheel.

    * * STAGE CREW #2: Moves between HOLLYWOODand MERYL, grabs chair (with sheets) and pul ls chairbehind line of Actors.

    SHAKES: Zounds!

    HOLLYWOOD: I cant believe Ive been Chorus Lined!

    STAGE CREW #1: Spins FallBack Wheel. And the

    Fallback Wheel lands on the #4 (or

    whatever number it is),an oldie but a goodie (Dramatic Pause)Dinner Theater.

    * EVERYBODY FREEZE IN PLACE!!

    MUSICAL: (Dances across stage area wearing chefshat , with a food tray.)(Singing.) Food, Glorious Food!Hot Sausage and Mustard!

    * EVERYBODY UNFREEZE IN PLACE!!

    SHAKES: Whats this? Dont tell me we are doomed to

    be

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    cooks as well.

    * STAGE CREW #1: (Attitude)No, you are doomed to bewaiters.

    HOLLYWOOD: (Haughty)Oh no! Not a waiter! Anythingbut that!

    * * * STAGE CREW #2: Escorts HOLLYWOOD andSHAKESPEARE offstage STAGE LEFT,

    SHAKESPEARE & HOLLYWOOD interrupt exit tobow.

    * HOST: (Amazed)Ooh! An Avant Garde death scene!Youve got 7points now.

    * * * SILENT: (Enters rapidly STAGE LEFT with blue sheets,stands in front of MERYL, tosses corner of sheet toMETHOD, create ocean, no waves )

    * MERYL: (To the audience)Crushed by the continents, sheseeks solace in the sea!

    * * * HOLLYWOOD:(SFX: Jaws music , soft ly) (EntersSTAGE LEFT with shark fin, PAUSE TO LET AUDIENCESEE FIN bobbing fin comes toward MERYL)

    * * MERYL: Li ttle did she know ... (SFX: Jaws music,crescendo) (Turns and sees shark fin)

    * * * MERYL: Shark!!! (Ocean rises in front of MERYL (NOTOVER), fin remains v isible and then dives down)

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    HOST: (Amazed) A classic Hollywood-style death. Nine points.

    MELODRAMA: Ha! Thats still not enough points!

    * MOTHER and POSEY: (Enter STAGE LEFT) Come OnMERYL, You Can Do It!

    * * MERYL: (Pulls Sheets Down)Im Drowning! (PullsSheets Up)

    * SING SONG SLOWLY!!

    * MUSICAL: (MUSICAL comes out onto the stage.)(Singing.) Good Bye, MERYL!Good Bye, MERYL! GoodBye, MERYL!So Sad She Drowned Today!

    * * EVERYONE EXCEPT MELODRAMA: (Singing.) GiveHer The Points Cause She Drowned.

    * SILENT: (Singing.) Boom, Boom!

    * * * * EVERYONE: (Singing.) She's Tired And Much To Her

    Dismay She Went For A Swim Just A Minute Ago, But TheShark Took Her Away.

    * * * MERYL: (Singing.) (Pulls Sheets Down) Where Ever IMay Play, Oer Film, TeeVee, or Stage.

    * EVERYONE: (Singing.) You Can Always Hear Her SingingThis Song, She Won The Actor Games Today, . . .

    * * MERYL: (Singing.) I Won The Games

    *APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE!!

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    * HOST: (Authoritatively)A Musical death, Amazing. Elevenpoints! Congratulations, Meryl! It looks likeweve found ournew champion, unless Method Actor has some incredibletrick up his sleeve.

    (Actors move so as to clear the stage area forMETHOD. MERYL stays nearby.)

    * METHOD: (To HOST)Acting isnt about tricks.

    MERYL: (Pretend Sorrow) Im sorry. I guess I used up allthe death scenes.

    * * METHOD: (Angry) What? Never say youre sorry, Its asign of weakness. You did what youwere born to do andthats great. (To audience) (Contempt) Besides, nothing onthat list suits me. Its all fake. If I were going to die on stage, Iwould -- every cell in my body would-- rehearse for weeks --maybe even months --

    * MERYL: Oh, my goodness! We need help here, hurry.

    * STAGE CREW #1: Enters rapidly STAGE LEFT withchair for METHOD

    * STAGE CREW #2: Enters rapidly STAGE LEFT behindSTAGE CREW #1

    * METHOD: ( Plops into chair) So that my performancewould be so truthful that every organ would start to -- (Hebegins to convulse)-- shut down...

    MERYL: No, dont. You cant!

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    * METHOD: (Dying in the chair)Just watch me.

    * MERYL: (Leaning over to her him)I dont even know yourname.

    * * METHOD: Its Marlon. Nice to meet you, Meryl.(He dies.Other Actors react in sadness, some holding onto oneanother). (SFX: TAPS, firs t few notes)

    * HOST:(Steps over to METHOD, checks pulse and

    stuff)(Stunned) Hes gone.

    CAST: (All Gasp) (Everyone comes on stage and standssolemnly)

    MERYL: (To the audience) (WTF) Wait a Minute! Youcant act yourself to death. Thats impossible!

    METHOD: (Lift head, Turn to Audience, Smile.)Only in theTheatre!

    THE END

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    PROPS (Red Font = DO NOT USE)

    Unbroken Mop (MERYL)

    Broken Mop (SHAKESPEARE MERYL)

    FallBack Wheel with numbers (Crew) -- ART

    Commercial Props: Mop, Face Cream, Glass, Toothpaste,Toothbrush, Slinky (Crew)

    Notecard (Host)

    Chair (CrewHOLLYWOOD)

    Blue and Green sheets (Crew-SHAKESPEARE) White Sheet (Crew-MELODRAMA)

    Toy Sword (SHAKESPEARE)

    Broken Mop (SHAKESPEARE)

    Title Cards (Crew)

    Envelope (Crew-HOST)

    Scroll (SHAKESPEARE)

    Feathery Quill (SHAKESPEARE-MERYL)

    Hat (SILENT)

    Cane (SILENT) Necklace (MERYL-MELODRAME-MERYL)

    Money Bills (SHAKESPEARE-HOLLYWOOD)

    Board Listing Dramatic Deaths (Crew) -- ART

    Inflatable Globe (AVANT GARDE)

    Shark Fin (HOLLYWOOD)

    Stopwatch (HOST)

    Pocket Cue Card (POSEY)

    Bag Filled With Paper Entr ies (Crew-HOST)

    CAST

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    (1) HOST -- Mary Howell ( LM)

    (2) GREEK TRAGEDY Tom Staker ( WM)

    (3) SHAKESPERIAN DRAMA Dan Tearno ( LM)

    (4) COMMEDIA DELLARTE Sue Winter ( LM)

    (5) MELODRAMA Marjina Kaplan ( LM)

    (6) SILENT FILM Lou Seelig ( NM)

    (7) MUSICAL THEATRE Carol Witherell ( WM)

    (8) AVANT GARDE Elena Daly ( LM)

    (9) HOLLYWOOD David Inns ( LM)

    (10) METHOD Mike Winter ( LM)

    (11) MOTHER Paula ( WM)

    (12) POSEY Evelyn Long ( WM)

    (13) MERYL Sheryl Solow ( LM)

    (14) Stage Crew #1 (Fate Wheel Spinner) Martin Stone(LM)

    (15) Stage Crew #2 (Card Girl) Sandy McNickle ( LM)