the 5 switches of manliness - provide

8/10/2019 The 5 Switches of Manliness - Provide

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The 5 Switches of Manliness: Provide by Brett on June 20, 2011 30 comments

in A Man's Life , On Manhood

A man should be a good provider.

Weve all heard this p hrase before; it remains common even in our modern society. Whensomeone says that a man should be a good provider, what they invariably mean is that he shouldhave a good job that earns a steady income, one which enables him to provide food, shelter, andthe nice things in life to his family.

This definition of being a provider is well-ingrained in our society and in the male psyche. Infact, when men lose a job, and thus their identity as a provider, they tend to get very anxious anddepressed.

So earning a good income is that whats involved in this Switch of Manliness? And if so, is theswitch still a viable one in a time where both partners in a marriage are often breadwinners? Andwhat about stay-at-home dads? Are they not providers?

In fact, bringing home the bacon has little to do with the true Provider Switch at all.

Providing in Primitive Times
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In the Switches of Manliness series, weve been traveling back in time, way back in time, touncover the original male drives that are still embedded in the modern mans psyche.

Last time, we mentioned the fact that in very primitive societies, men and women provided aboutequal resources to their tribes; women gathered nuts and seeds, and men hunted big game. In

fact, for much of human history, men and women contributed fairly equally to the familyeconomy. The idea of the stay-at-home wife who lounged around the house while her husbandtoiled all day outside the home is a relativ ely modern conception of family life. It wasnt until the19th century that we saw this idea take hold in the West and even then, the working husband andstay-at-home wife dynamic was typically only available to the wealthy and middle-class. In mostfamilies, both men and women had to work in some capacity in order to keep the family afloatfinancially.

So is there a broader definition of providing, one that better fits the historical record?

To answer that question, I think its helpful to look at the etymology of the word provide. The

Online Etymology Dictionary tells us:

early 15c., from L. providere look ahead, prepare, supply, from pro - ahead+ videre to see (see vision)

To which the Etymological Dictionary of the English Language adds:

Lat. to act with foresight, lit. to foresee

I like that idea of providing. Instead of making a mans identity and worth based on his paycheck, his ability to provide hinges on whether he has a vision for his life, leads his family

with that vision, and is able to look ahead and prepare for the storms of life.

Man as Scout


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In primitive times, looking ahead took the form of scouting for the tribe. Men were the lookouts.As scouts, they navigated the terrain and traveled ahead (and behind) the women and children,scanning the horizon for dangers to avoid.

This male role continues in modern primitive tribes, and has even been observed in chimps:

When Bushmen travel, they walk in a single file, with a man in the lead whowatches out for fresh predator tracks, snakes, and other dangers. Women and

children occupy safer positions. This, too, is reminiscent of chimpanzees, who atdangerous moments such as when they cross a human dirt road have adult malesin the lead and rear, with females and juveniles in-between. Sometimes the alphamale stands guard at the road until everyone has crossed it. -Frans De Waal, The

Age of Empathy

I think we all intuitively understand this behavior. Males tend to be physically stronger thanfemales, so it makes sense that males were the ones doing the protecting. But it wasnt a mans

brute strength alone that qualified him for this role. The male brain is actually uniquely suited forthis scouting (or vision providing) task in several ways.

The Scouting BrainWhen we were hanging out in our mothers wo mbs, our bodies were flooded with a bunch ofdifferent hormones. According to The Male Brain , two of these substances specifically anti-Mullerian hormones and testosterone primed the circuits of our tiny male brains for certainfunctions like exploratory behavior, muscular and motor control, spatial skills, and rough play.


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The male brain is particularly adept at visual-spatial skills. Men tend to be better than women atrotating objects in their minds to gain a 3-D view and are better able to track moving objects,gauge how fast theyre going, and determine the objects proportions and location. Men alsohave keener long range vision than women, are more sensitive to objects entering their field ofvision, and are better at noticing the small movements of those objects. In fact, there is a

correlation between higher testosterone levels and visual-processing speeds.

Mens visual and spatial abilities give them a leg up when it comes to geography, orientation,and navigation skills that come in handy when out on the hunt or engaging in battle.

The male brain is also built with a larger dorsal premammillary nucleus, also called the defend -your- turf part of the brain. The circuity of this part of the brain is designed to detect territorialchallenges by other males. Mens brains also include a larger amygdala than women, which can

be thought of as an alarm system for possible danger. Thus men are especially alert to potentialthreats to themselves and their loved ones.

The Tracking BrainThese inborn proclivities not only helped men in their roles as searchers and scouts, they mayhave been used in ways that then strengthened their ability to envision the future. In Born to

Run, author Christopher McDougall recounts an insight a modern-day man, Louis Lisenberg,received when he spent time learning how to track and hunt in the primitive style with theBushmen of the Kalahari Desert:

Even after you learn to read dirt, you aint learned nothing; the next level istracking without tracks, a higher state of reasonin g known in the lit as speculativehunting. The only way you can pull it off, Louis discovered, was by projecting

yourself out of the present and into the future, transporting yourself into the mindof the animal youre trackingWhen tracking an animal, one attempts to thinklike an animal in order to predict where it is going, Louis says. Looking at itstracks one visualizes the motion of the animal and feels that motion in ones own

body. You go into a trancelike state, the concentration is so intense . Its actuallyquite dangerous, because you become numb to your own body and can keep

pushing yourself until you collapse.

Visualizationempathyabstract thinking and forward projection: aside fromthe keeling- over part, isnt that exactly the mental eng ineering we now use forscience, medicine, the creative arts? When you track, youve created causal

connections in your mind, because you didnt actually see what the animal did,Louis realized.

The Systemizing Brain

As weve discussed in previous posts , the disparity in the reproductive odds for men and womenin primitive times (women had double the chance of passing on their genes than men did), ledmen to take on big challenges in order to gain alpha male status and up their odds of


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reproducing. For this and other reasons, men took part in big game hunts, battles, and adventuresand expeditions of other sorts. These types of endeavors often happened in large groups, andcreated a social system for men very different than the one for women. Women, who stayedclose to home and nurtured their families, had fewer but closer and more intimate relationships.Men had a greater number of relationships, but they were shallower and more impersonal in

nature.

Men thus thought and worked in large systems, and their brains developed accordingly. Thereare a bunch of interesting implications of this again I recommend onto you Dr. Baumeisters IsThere Anything Good About Men? but for the purposes of this post, the most important thing isthat mens brains developed to be motivated towards systemizing , womens brainsfor empathizing.

Psychologist Simon Baron- Cohen (not the Borat guy), who proposed the systematizing -empathizing theory after studying autism (which he believes is simply the manifestation of theextreme male brain all systemizing, little empathizing) believes this spectrum constitutes the

fundamental difference between the sexes.

Dr. Baron-Cohen defines a system as anything in which certain input translates into certainoutput, according to a rule. Its al l about if-then logical reasoning if I do this, Ill get this.According to Baron-Cohen, systemizing helped our caveman ancestors to understand naturalsystems like weather, astrological movement, and animal migration skills valuable in feedingand protecting the tribe. Systemizing would also come in handy in battles of social rank inthe hierarchy of a tribe. Remember, in our distant past, if a man wanted to increase his chancesof passing on his genes, he needed to stand out from the crowd. The systemizing male brain mayhave helped our ancestors strategize how to make it to the top of the pecking order.

The Provider SwitchThe scouting brain. The tracking brain. The systemizing brain. What do they all add up to? TheProvider Switch, of course. Men have an innate need to look ahead, to plan, to prepare, tostrategize. Or in other words, men have an innate need for vision, for providing.

While were no longer hunting antelopes, our brains are still primed to engage in searching,scanning, recognition, and long-term planning. These activities are carried out in the left side ofthe brain and are fueled by dopamine, the neurotransmitter which neuroscientists have shownmotivates the male brain to a greater extent than the female brain.

While the Switches of Manliness weve talked about so far legacy, challenge, physicality arentactivated very often in our modern world, this isn t the case with this switch. It is often activated, just not in a very productive way. And how is it activated? By things like technology and videogames.

Studies have shown that video games activate reward regions of the brain more in men than inwomen, giving us nice hits of dopamine, which probably explains why more men play, andreport feeling addicted to, video games than women. Video games activate all the unique
http://med.stanford.edu/news_releases/2008/february/videobrain.htmlhttp://med.stanford.edu/news_releases/2008/february/videobrain.htmlhttp://med.stanford.edu/news_releases/2008/february/videobrain.html


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attributes of the male brain. Success at video games requires high visual processing speeds, theability to navigate and create large mental maps in your head, recognition skills, and the abilityto systematize and strategize. Of course its not just video gam es that light up these parts of themale brain analog games like Risk and chess, role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons,and fantasy sports leagues all require systematizing to succeed and draw the interest of more men

than women.

Now whenever I say anything about video games, people get the idea that Im totally againstthem. Not so. Ive played them since I was a wee lad, and after a long time away, I just bought aused Xbox so I could play LA Noire (what a cool game!). But Ive played the game less than anhour a week since Ive gotten it because I have too many other, more important, things to do. Sothats how I feel about video gamestheres nothing wrong with them per se, they should just below on a mans priorities list. Theyre dessert to be enjoyed in moderation. And thats why theycannot turn on this Switch of Manliness. Its like eating a Twinkie when youre really hungry;youre satiated for a minute, but then ravenous soon again. Instead, you need something thatsreally going to satisfy that hunger and build your body.

Turning the Provider Switch means using the abilities of the male brain towards betteringyourself, fulfilling your lifes potential, and leading those youre responsible for.

The Importance of Vision

Native American tribes would send young men off on vision quests, so that for the rest of theirlives they would know exactly what direction they were supposed to take.

There was great wisdom in this. Having a vision for ones life is essential. Without one, you endup drifting along in life instead of being driven by purpose towards the fulfillment of your goals.

Men without vision feel as if unfortunate events absolutely blindside them Why did I get fired?Why is my wife leaving? Why am I 30 and still living at home? How did I get in so much debt? How did this happen to me!?! Men without vision live only in the present, much like thegrasshopper in the old Aesops fable. When winter comes, they are caught unawares and leftdazed and shivering in the cold.

On the other hand, a man with vision looks ahead. He plans. He knows where he wants to be in5, 10, 50 years. And he gathers and systemizes the data of his life to gain an understanding ofwhat he must do and how he must act to get where he wants to go. He can analyze whats working in his life and whats not, and jettison the latter. He scans the horizon to see what iscoming down the pike, and he knows just how he will react if X, Y, or Z happens. He cultivates a

healthy self-awareness. He knows what flaws, temptations, and pitfalls are his personal Achillesheels, the predators that can derail his life and poison his relationships. When these threatsapproach, the alarms in his mind go off, and he walks away.

Flipping the Provider Switch

If youre a single man, you need to have a vision for your own life. If youre a married man, youneed to have a vision for your own life and for your family. Women dont want a man whos a


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domineering oaf, but they also dont want to feel like theyre always pulling, and dragging theirhusband along. They want a man whos personally motivated, takes initiative, makes decisions,and has a discernible sense of direction and purpose. A man who is always scouting the way totake care of his family and lead them through the storms of life. Iv e sometimes had thatconversation with my wife where I tell her that I feel unhappy, and she asks me what I want out

of life and what would make me happy, and all I can answer is, I dont know. Thats a failureof vision. And a failure in being a provider.

Having a vision involves growing in self-awareness and awareness of the world around you. Theman of vision understands his own strengths and weaknesses, how the world works, and whatmakes people tick. He looks out from a high point in the landscape, takes in the lay of the land,fixes his sights on where he wants to go, and figures out how to get there. And then he leads andnavigates, watching for and surmounting obstacles, until the destination is reached.

Here are some suggestions for harnessing your inner-Scout and flipping the Provider Switch:

Find your core values Create a blueprint for your life.

Keep a journal. Spend some time in solitude. Hike, camp overnight or even rent a hotel room. Find your vocation. Create a daily schedule. Work on becoming fully present in your life. Meditate or pray. Write down your goals each night. Unpl ug and take periodic technology fasts to recharge and clear your mind. Read biographies by taking in the sweep of another mans life you can really gain

perspective on your own life, what a man is capable of accomplishing, and insight on the paths other men took. Create a morning routine that pumps you up for the coming day. Turn off the radio on the way to work and think about what you want to accomplish that

day. Carry a pocket notebook so you can capture your ideas and make to-do lists to keep track

of what needs to get done. Practice memorization memorize a poem or work on remembering names. Keep track of data in your life when you work out, record how much weight youre

lifting. Write down what you eat. Keep track of your goals or new habits with somethinglike Joes Goals.

Read up on human psychology, relationships, body language, etc. Educate yourself on things like health insurance and retirement plans (stay-tuned for a

post on this). Create a budget and understand exactly whats going on with your finances. Start an emergency fund. Be prepared for disaster and learn survival skills like how to handle a weapon , pack a

bug-out bag, and forage for food. If you have a family, hold a regular family council. Well do a post on this in the future.
http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/31/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-1-define-your-core-values/http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/31/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-1-define-your-core-values/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/02/08/create-a-life-plan/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/02/08/create-a-life-plan/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/05/24/finding-your-calling-part-i-what-is-a-vocation/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/05/24/finding-your-calling-part-i-what-is-a-vocation/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/11/22/being-fully-present-as-a-man/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/11/22/being-fully-present-as-a-man/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/11/22/being-fully-present-as-a-man/http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/09/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-10-memorize-if/http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/09/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-10-memorize-if/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/06/15/how-to-remember-a-persons-name-and-what-to-do-when-you-cant/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/06/15/how-to-remember-a-persons-name-and-what-to-do-when-you-cant/http://www.joesgoals.com/http://www.joesgoals.com/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/05/31/heading-out-on-your-own-a-young-mans-guide-to-health-insurance/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/05/31/heading-out-on-your-own-a-young-mans-guide-to-health-insurance/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/03/23/why-and-how-to-start-an-emergency-fund/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/08/31/how-to-fire-a-handgun-safely-and-correctly/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/08/31/how-to-fire-a-handgun-safely-and-correctly/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/03/07/how-to-make-a-bug-out-bag-your-72-hour-emergency-evacuation-survival-kit/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/03/07/how-to-make-a-bug-out-bag-your-72-hour-emergency-evacuation-survival-kit/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/03/07/how-to-make-a-bug-out-bag-your-72-hour-emergency-evacuation-survival-kit/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/10/06/surviving-in-the-wild-19-common-edible-plants/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/10/06/surviving-in-the-wild-19-common-edible-plants/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/10/06/surviving-in-the-wild-19-common-edible-plants/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/10/06/surviving-in-the-wild-19-common-edible-plants/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/03/07/how-to-make-a-bug-out-bag-your-72-hour-emergency-evacuation-survival-kit/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/03/07/how-to-make-a-bug-out-bag-your-72-hour-emergency-evacuation-survival-kit/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/08/31/how-to-fire-a-handgun-safely-and-correctly/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/03/23/why-and-how-to-start-an-emergency-fund/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/05/31/heading-out-on-your-own-a-young-mans-guide-to-health-insurance/http://www.joesgoals.com/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/06/15/how-to-remember-a-persons-name-and-what-to-do-when-you-cant/http://artofmanliness.com/2009/06/09/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-10-memorize-if/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/11/22/being-fully-present-as-a-man/http://artofmanliness.com/2010/05/24/finding-your-calling-part-i-what-is-a-vocation/http://artofmanliness.com/2011/02/08/create-a-life-plan/http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/31/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-1-define-your-core-values/


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Talk with your kids one on one to find out what is going on in their lives. Make it casual like when youre driving around together.

Stay up on politics, news, and current events.

________________________________________________________________

Sources:

The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine

The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the Truth About Autism by Simon Baron-Cohen

Is There Anything Good About Men? by Roy F. Baumeister

Dopamine, the Left Brain, Women, and Men by Emily Deans
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