Thank God My Mom Died

By: JOHN CASTAGNINI

Presented By: Jeff Sohler

© 2008 - 2009 Thank God I...®. All Rights Reserved.

Thank God I...™Stories of Inspiration for Every SituationYou can share your inspiring story too!

Learn about the Power of Perfection™!The Thank God I…™ books, educational material andlive events will help you experience the joy of truegratitude, and find the perfection in everything.

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INTRODUCTION

by John Castagnini

IMPORTANT...Please Do Not Skip This Section!

Why this ebook? What makes it so different? Not onlyare these answers important, they are integral to yourunderstanding of the story presented here. Please donot skip over this brief introduction in your eagernessto get to the meat of the ebook itself.

When I first thought to include Thank God I WasRaped as one of the stories for Thank God I...™ Volume1, the concept sent chills through my spine. Couldanyone who’s endured this brutal, horrifying experiencereally embrace these words? Over the years, I’veconsulted with countless women during their raperecovery. I chose the title after witnessing whattranspires for them when they come to this conclusionof gratitude. What became quite apparent over acourse of thousands upon thousands of conversationsis that we only evolve past the mental traum a fromsuch a happening when we can hold “the love for it inour hearts”

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What is meant by “God”?

God — Certainly, the biggest three-letter word evercreated. Grand Organized Designer best describes theGod referred to in the Thank God I...™ books, websiteeducational material and seminars.

The thousands of people sharing their stories in thisseries all perceive God in their own light. Thank GodI...™ is about this network of people, willing to movebeyond having the right “name” for God.

Even the word “God” itself cannot finite the infinite.Rather, God refers to a system governing the brillianceof what is, and is not.

What this book series is not supposed to be.

This series does not condone or promote any of theacts the writers have experienced, nor do we suggestin any way that anyone should either commit any ofthese acts or subject themselves to any of these acts.This series also does not promote or label any specifickind of behavior as “right” or “wrong”, nor were the storieswritten or the book published for the purpose ofsuggesting that anyone rationalize their actions orbehavior.

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In addition, the Thank God I...™ series does not promoteor deny any religion. Rather, it honors the existence ofreligion and all things as part of a perfect creation.

What is Thank God I...™ about?

Our intention with this series is to convey this one keyprinciple: Perfection permeates everything. Each timewe fail to recognize this principle, the next lesson tocome our way will once again offer us the opportunityto see the perfection and break through into freedom.In fact, finding perfection in the pain and pleasure ofour own personal tribulations is the only way we willever liberate ourselves from the bondage of patterns.Whether it comes in a day, a year, or a lifetime away,situations will come into our lives that will force us tobecome thankful for “what was,” and to whole-heartedlyexperience “what is.”

What is meant by “Thanking God”?

During the creation phase of this series, we werefortunate to have as our ever-efficient assistant,Cassandra Gatzow, a beautiful twenty-three-year-oldwriter and poet. Just prior to coming to work with us,Cassandra was diagnosed with cervical cancer. A littleover a year and a half later, the cancer spread and sheleft this world before the first book launched.

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After Cassandra passed, my heart was struck by thewords she put to the page as she endured thisexperience. She wrote of her earth angels and herexplorations as she left her body to “dance with herangels.” She did not write about her passing, she wroteabout Thank God I...™ living as she moved through herlife’s greatest test, and her life’s ending. She viewedeach person, each moment as precious. How fortunateshe was, to see God in the now.

Imagine — this is what she wrote about her cancer:

“Tears fill my eyes daily with gratitude for every momentand every breath. It has allowed me to go after mydreams, to live from my heart, and to be truly free. Ithank God for my cancer and for allowing me to reacha place in me that I don’t think would have beenpossible without this experience. I am now twenty-three and feel that I have stepped into my skin proudly.I have felt an inner peace that many don’t find until laterin life. I am truly grateful for all my earth angels andwant to thank them for sharing with me this wonderfuljourney”

...Cassandra

There are 4 million tasks to accomplish in order tobring the Thank God I...™ network to the standard of ourvision. Thank you, Cassandra, for reminding me why

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Thank God I...™ was conceived in the first place.

Thanking God is about the above. Not just what isabove this sentence; it is about what is above, guidingus at every moment. Beyond the pain, chaos, andconfusion of our circumstance exists true perfection.Thanking God is about finding this perfection. Thisplace of thanking God might seem nearly impossible tofind, but it is the only place we will find ourselves.

Thank God I...™ is true “gratitude”.

Sure, we all hear about the “good things” that people aregrateful for in their lives. But, is this gratitude? ThankGod I...™ gratitude is about a state of being. It is about astate of inspiration, non-judgment, and presence.Thank God I...™ gratitude is beyond the illusion ofpositive or negative. It is beyond the lies of “good” and“evil”. Thank God I...™ . gratitude is about finding God inevery word, thought, and deed. In spirit, we are beyondthe illusion of pain or pleasure and we are present withspirit. Thank God I...™ gratitude is about equal love forall that is, as it is, was, or ever shall become. Gratitudeis loving what we don’t “like” as much as loving what wedo “like”.

The diversity of authors and experiences

The intention of this series is to reach all of humanity,

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every single unique creation. We did not base theselection of contributions to this series upon any faithor religious orientation. Each selected author took aformer challenge into their heart. The diversity ofauthors spans religions, countries, professions, age,race, nationality, and definitely experiences. Theyrange from strippers to doctors, from politicians to stay-at-home moms, and whoever they are, gratitude rules.From alcoholism to molestation or rape, the law ofgratitude prevails with each of our authors.Thankfulness for whatever is, or is not, ultimately rulesevery one of our kingdoms.

The vision of Thank God I...™

Little did I imagine how lightning-fast Thank God I...™would circle the world. This network includesthousands of contributors, reaching millions of people,sharing not only their stories, but also their answers!Beyond the books, and the online community, we offerworldwide conference calls, workshops, and seminars!The vision of this series will provide everyone withinspecific communities information in order to evolvepast the emotions that are holding them back. Thepeople and the project are revolutionary.

“All things in nature proceed from certain necessity andwith the utmost perfection.”

...Baruch Spinoza

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Thank God

My Mom Died

JOHN CASTAGNINI

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What was the most terrifying day of your life?

On January 9, 2005, my mom, Lorraine Castagnini, leftthis world at age fifty-six. She was not just my mom --she was my best friend, whom I spoke with almostevery day. After her death, a torturous new mantratook possession of me: "I tried so hard, butobviously not hard enough, to help her discover herroad to health."

My mom loved being a mother more than she lovedanything else. During my childhood, many of myfriends didn't have a close relationship with theirmothers, so my mom became a mom to each of them.I guess this petite Italian woman from Brooklyn enjoyedchasing little boys around the kitchen table with awooden pasta spoon!

Mom truly knew me, in many ways better than I knewmyself, straight up to the day she died. She wouldoften quote the serenity prayer to me:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things

I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference."

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For the final five months that my mom was on thisearth, we were at extreme odds. We warred over atime of great confusion to me, and of my separationfrom my childhood sweetheart. The evening beforeMom died, I didn't even see her as my mom anymore: Isaw a woman whom the doctors turned into a legalizeddrug addict.

The day of her death, mortified and gasping betweengushing rivers of tears, I bellowed,"That's it.She's gone. It's over." I allowed the doctors to killher with those pills, and I hadn't done enough to stopthem. It was murder, and her blood was on my hands. Ihad tuned out her cries for help. I could have... shouldhave saved her.

It was all my fault -- I didn't take the time to hear herscreaming, begging to be heard and loved. Instead, Ifought furiously every day to learn, to achieve, tocompete and create. As a result, I missed cherishingand treasuring this most valuable gift the universeshared with me. Now it haunted my mind: I could have,I should have... over and over. Please cut off my head.I can't stop hearing it!

I staggered under the grief, as if I had control of thedeath card. Oh, the ignorance. Consumed, confused,obsessed, and alone, this little boy wanted his mommy.

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Nothing and no one would stop me. I was going to findher. I recall the first sign of sun a month later, underFlorida skies. I met a fiery woman named Lorraine.Lorraine! (It was not the most popular name.) She wasfifty-six. Fifty-six! Like Mom! She was from New YorkCity (like Mom!) and was another chain-smoker, too.(Mom loved those damn cigarettes.)

I stared through this woman and knew, with absolutecertainty, that her birthday was January 9 (the sameday my mom had passed). I was right. Now, what thehell are the chances of that? Here stood living,breathing confirmation that Mom was still around heresomewhere. The mind?s manifestation powers aretruly amazing.

Eventually I stopped looking outside and delveddeeper within. I constructed a beautiful scrapbook ofour life together. It began with a few simple picturesand became a year of daily meditation in scrapbookbuilding! I honored our precious moments and all sheever was to me. Finally, I observed how I visited herpretty much every day. I deliberately lived four blocksaway.

I then re-read this poem I had once written and sharedwith her:

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MY MOTHER

All you are to me, you will never know.

There is not enough paper in heaven to list it.

Simply know that my will to become one with the

Heavens through life's most difficult tribulations is your greatest gift.

This rock I build upon

In order to speak with God more every day,

It is the incessant tenacity I harbor,

Allowing me to twinkle, one day shine,

Eventually bursting into stardust.

I appreciate this will more than anything.

It brings me closer to now, and

Gives me the strength to hurdle every fear

Impeding my path to a greater understanding

And a more profound experience in living.

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Magically, I found a new, deeper, more profoundrelationship with her. I listened in ways I couldn'tbefore. I heard her, and we both discovered a new"one another," closer and deeper in ourcommunication. Before, there was my mom; now, thereis my mom and a free soul guiding my spirit. Iunderstood -- this beautiful woman came to this planetto be a mother. She wanted to die a mother. Her boyswere turning into men, and dying was her only way ofletting go. She couldn't let go and stay here with us.She had to leave for us to really think for ourselves.

This woman who birthed me

Gave me a second life in her dying.

She knew in order for me to grow

I would have to do it on my own.

Since her death, I try to listen more closely and openmy heart wider to others, and myself, just the way shelived. Thank you, Mom, for this empathy anddedication to listening beyond just what I want to hear.Mom, I understand it was your time to leave. Iunderstand and honor your freedom to change. Irealize that no matter how hard I would have tried toshift our roles a bit, and tell you what I think you shoulddo, you wanted to live and die "The

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Mother." Thank you for this gift of serenity forwhat I could not change. God knows, no one wasgoing to change you.

By my facing this great challenge, your leaving soyoung and so suddenly, you instilled in me the courageto discover and change the only thing I ever really can:my own mind.

Thank you for the courage to share our story, my work,with humanity. I will cherish this courage you bestowedupon me in every breath, until my very last.

Thank you for leading me further toward this path to wisdom.

Letting go and changing can be oh, so difficult.

I pray with you for your constant guidance,

For the wisdom "to know the difference."

Thank you, God, for my mom's life and all our precious moments.

Thank you, God, for my mom's death. It has brought to me the priceless wisdom.

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Yes, Mom I finally understand the serenity prayer.

Thank you, Mom. Your dying helped me reach a place to create

This book series, where thousands of people are sharing their stories of gratitude and love.

Your lessons to me are helping to open millions of hearts,

Through their greatest trials and tribulations.

You're one powerful little woman in your life, and even more in your death.

I thank God, for in His taking you away from me, youare eternally closer. Yes, Mom, when you left I waslost, but thanks to you, I now am found. I was blind, butnow I see.

. . .

Having studied "spiritually" for almost twodecades, and inspired by the great minds of history,John Castagnini conceived of the Thank God I... seriesin 2006. He states, "There is nothing I love morethan to conceive an inspired idea, bathed in God'sgreat laws, and to shower its manifestation."John attended chiropractic school, holds a degree in

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biology, studied various martial arts forms, and workedwith Dr. Wayne Dyer and Dr. John Demartini. He hasauthored over a dozen books, written over 2000poems, and is finishing his second music CD assinger/pianist under the title 150 Moons. "Mymission is to share bits of wisdom in this gift of life andhopefully create a masterpiece along the way. Mydream is to unite great networks that help unify andempower the soul of humanity to assist one another inbecoming the true identity of love."

Join the Thank God I…™ Community online to shareyour story and chat with the Thank God I…™ Authors.

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