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AMS 302 -10 THINGS THAT CAN TURN YOUR MARRIAGE AROUND FOR GOODINSTRUCTIONS Go through the lesson and the scripture outlines prayerfully and meditatively. Read over and over again until

you get the underlying principles and don't be in a hurry to jump to the next lesson. After you are through, there are three

things you need to do. (1) Do the assignment (Use site or facebook comment form to answer) (2) Go though

the activities (These needs not be submitted) (3) Do the Quiz ( You will know whether you need to go through lesson again)

MOVING TO NEXT LESSON Only move to the nextlesson when either Pastor Dunamis or Pastor Sophia has minuted on your

assignment/comment.

AFTER MARRIAGE SCHOOL (AMS)Lesson 2

10 THINGS THAT CAN TURN AROUND YOUR MARRIAGE FOR GOOD

It was a wonderful marriage. Everybody was happy for them. They had a wonderful honeymoon but the

honeymoon was soon over when they discovered there was moonlight but no honey. The couple, very promising

both had a career to build. They soon got entrenched in their work. Few years after, and two children after, they

had grown apart. Both leave for work in the morning with a good morning kiss, and return home late and of

course, the husband is still ready, but the wife is almost always tired. Their sex life began to suffer. The

frustrations they experienced in their sexual life soon spilled over into other areas of their lives. Communication

had decreased. They seemed not to understand themselves again.

Mr. and Mrs. Akinbode were always quarrelling. They seemed to vehemently disagree over everything. Arguments

were the order of the day. Mr. Akinbode was sure that was not the woman she married four years ago. He was

beginning to get tired of marriage. He would deliberately stay out till night time before coming home everyday.

Home had become a sore point for him. From time to time, thoughts of divorce would crop up in his mind. He

couldnt understand why his wife had grown so adamant. She had changed from the amiable, loving, respectful

and ever smiling sweetheart to a cold, unyielding, irritating and disrespectful accomplice at home. He began to

look elsewhere. Other women around him became more appealing.

On the other hand, Mrs. Akinbode couldnt understand why he kept on hurting him day a fter day. He had grown

so insensitive and unperturbed. He wouldnt eat the food sometimes and she had made up her mind to stop

cooking all the time. She wondered why her opinion was no longer relevant and upon all that, he would still come

and ask for sexshameless man! It is getting to a point in which she would start denying him sex, so as to get back

to him. She knew that would hurt him badly. She began to seek affirmation elsewhere.

She would appreciate any other person that offered her the minutest compliment, even when they were

strangers. She bagan to go out on lunch dates with colleagues. She began to seek the temporal emotional

companies from several other men that were ready to take advantage. In no time, both spouses began to cheat on

each other. They never saw it as cheating. They saw it as necessary for life to go on.

It was obvious both of them were not happy. They were supposed to enjoy marriage, but they were enduring.

Marriage that is meant to be a haven is now an oven. The wife had become a knife, with obvious lacerations in the

mind of the man, and the man had become a terror, and marriage had turned into bondage. The husband began

to look outward in deliberate deviance to the marriage covenant to satisfy his sexual inclinations, the wife in

flagrant reaction to the attitude of the husband ceased in her wifely roles, withdrew into her shell and suffered

multiple depressive symptoms.

The little children, a boy and girl suffered for it all. They couldnt understand why daddy was no longer available

and mummy seemed to be angry with them all the time.

The couple made up their mind to seek counsel. Dunamis & Sophia attended to them and the following were

some of the simple panacea that Dunamis & Sophia offered them that could turn their marriage around for good.


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Focus your thoughts on something that brings you joy. This is because what you focus on determines your

emotions, and emotions determine your

attitude. When you have hurt bottled up, it leads to nasty attitudes.

Job 15:12 MSG

Why do you let your emotions take over, lashing out and spitting fire,

Nasty attitudes then elicit nasty responses from your spouse and the cycle continues if not dealt with. If you wantto experience the best of your spouse, give him or her your best attitude. One way to always have a wonderful

loving attitude is to make sure nothing blocks you emotionally.

4. LOVE IS SPELT TIME

You cannot love without giving. One of the best gift of love is TIME. Time that is undivided and focused. Spending

time with your spouse is one of the greatest investments of love that yields great dividends. Even God loves so

much that He sent his son to spend TIME with the ones he loves. Time spent with your spouse in times of distress,

weakness, hopelessness, sickness, ignorance and less attractive situations will remain indelible and your spouse

will not easily forget such moments.

Eph 5:25 MSG

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the churcha love marked by giving, not

getting.

The time you spend with your spouse cannot and should not be delegated. Time-starved spouse always look for

alternatives they end up having affairs with whoever spends time with them. This is the reason there are

ridiculous affairs, ending up in bed with house helps, drivers, cooks, cousins, in-laws, and several other scenarios.

Time is crucial in marriage! If your spouse spends more quality time with another colleague who is time-starved in

his marriage, they will mostly always end up in having an affair. Sometimes, not deliberately, but then it happens.

It is in the place of spending time with your spouse that intimacy, friendship, healing and strength are birthed. The

time you have now is a gift from God and that is why it is called present. Use it well and share it with your

spouse. Now is your best opportunity to enjoy love.

5. AFFIRM HER, PRAISE HIM

Women are created to be responsive to words. When you speak good words to your wife, she will respond

positively with a great attitude. When you speak negatively and discouragingly to her, you will get a negative

attitude. God created the first woman and the first words she heard were strong affirming words how beautiful

she was, how much she was longed for, her intrinsic abilities, (woman, that is, a man with a womb), qualities,

uniqueness, how valuable her companionship would be and how much of a unique, awesome masterpiece of

Gods creation she was.

Nothing was mentioned of her inabilities, weaknesses and inadequacies. Your wife is like a rose in the garden. She

will only blossom with your affirming and appreciating words. Until your wife blossoms, she will not be able tofully function in her role as a help meet for your destiny. Until she blossoms, she cannot help create that heavenly

atmosphere in your home. She cannot help chase ten thousand problems away.

Wives, one of your major roles is to continually praise your husband and I am writing about genuine praise born

out of a genuine heart of admiration. Until you truly appreciate and cherish your husband, you cannot adore him.

Do you cherish and value the husband that God has given you?


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Eph 5:24 NIrV

The church follows the lead of Christ. In the same way, wives should follow the lead of their husbands in

everything.

Do you cherish his leadership and do you consider yourself blessed having him as your head? If you dont, there is

no way you can praise him. Focus on his good qualities and you will have enough reasons to praise him and thank

God for giving him to you.

6. DEVELOP A FUN PERSONALITY AND A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR

Be fun to be with. Let your spouse enjoy your presence and company. Dont be a bore. Be friends. What do friends

do? They play, gist and when they fight, they fight fair. What other thing do friends do? They talk. So talk and talk

and talk. Enjoy fellowship and mutuality. Give and receive from each other. Share your strengths, weaknesses,

fears, joys, weaknesses, pains, hurts, anxieties with each other. Sob, smile, cry and laugh over them.

Pro 5:18-19 MSG

Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!

(19) Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rosedont ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for

granted!

Seek after the good of each other. Make sacrifice for each other. When you are best of friends, you wouldnt go

out of your way to hurt your spouse and if you do by error, forgiveness is easier. Sure enough, you dont want to

hurt the friend you love. You always want to protect the interest of your best friend. Learn to bring out the best of

each other.

Develop and strengthen each other. Let your spouse become a better person, make contributions towards your

spouses progress and improvement. Watch out for each other. Build up yourselves and make up your mind to

enjoy your spouse. Mutuality in marriage is where both parties are being supplied. Nobody loathes positive inputs

in his life. Have a great sense of humour. Laugh loud at and with each other and let the sounds of your laughter

be melodies in your ears.

Ecc 9:9 MSG

Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is Gods gift. Its all you get

in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one!

Date yourselves all over again. Let nothing come between your time spent together. Let no other person take your

place in your spouses heart. Not even the kids. Let no colleague, acquaintance, neigbour or friend take your

spouses place. Wives, defend your territory. Hold on to your rightful position. Let everybody know there is no

vacancy, forever! Love what your spouse loves. Watch football together, go to cinemas, cook together and

sometimes, exchange domestic roles just for the fun of it. It will be great fun for the wife to wake up on a Saturday

morning to discover that the husband has fixed a great breakfast! The wife will be very excited, despite the much

salt! And it will be a greater fun to discover the wife has washed her husbands Rav4!

Just create fun! Love whatever will make you be together. Share precious moments together that will be future

triggers of sweet memories.

7. GUARD YOUR MARITAL RELATIONSHIP

Anything that is precious must be guarded. Even nature makes provision for guarding and protecting that which is

precious and vulnerable. You need to protect your marriage from intruders and enemies of your marital bliss.

Every beautiful thing has enemies capable of turning its beauty into ugliness. It is your responsibility to mount

guard and set up your defense mechanism over your marriage.


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Jer 31:22 NIrV

a woman will guard a man.

It is very okay to have a healthy jealousy over your spouse. I am not writing about the suspicious, controlling,

hellish and manipulative jealousy. I am talking about the kind of jealousy that keeps an eagle eye on your spouse

without suspicions, the kind of jealousy that smells and sense danger from a distance. Wives, you must not be

nave or gullible. Be rightly inquisitive without being naggy. Imagine a lady who poses as an innocent colleagueand already developed an affair with the wife having a clue? Dont let tomatoes and onions blind you to obvious

signs of infidelity which if nipped in the bud will save you untold anguish of soul.

Never expose your spouse to sugar ants that are ever ready to encroach on your marital sweeteners. Protect your

wife and make sure nobody is helping you out to appreciate her. If you allow someone to help you appreciate and

offer deceptive affirmations to your spouse, in no time, they will also help you take your spouse to bed.

Be like a mother hen, and let your protective instincts get active without being unnecessarily overbearing on your

spouse. Your marriage is your most valuable investment. Never allow any loopholes or loose ends.

8. FIGHT. IT IS OKAY TO FIGHT!

I am not talking about fighting with your spouse. But it is okay to fight fair, that is, disagreeing to agree. But the

fight I am talking about is fighting and declaring war against anything that takes your spouses focus and attention

from enjoying your marital bliss. Some jobs, business, trips, friends, outings, etc are in this category.

Dont fight your spouse or put the pressure on him or her, rather, direct your missiles on those enemies. One of

the best ways to fight fair is on your knees, that is, by praying fervently over your husband and family. Women are

created with birth canal. They are specialist in birthing. You can birth your desired husband and family in the place

of prayers. That is why a woman has womb. It is the place of conception. It is the place of conceiving the kind

of family you want and birthing it in the place of prayer. It is the way to victory.

9. COVER YOURSELF

In as much as you are trying to guard your spouse, dont leave yourself exposed. Dont leave yourself to negativeinfluence that will want to shift your focus from building a loving, lasting marriage. We live in an interesting

generation. Valuable principles that build strong relationships are being eroded by too many distractions. The

principles that build strong relationships in the home front are becoming archaic. Everyone seems to be living for

their ownselfish interest. Every man for himself seems to be the order of the day. However, one thing is clear.

Principles never get old fashioned. While they might have been around for quite a long time, they never get

obsolete. They are tried and tested.

One typical marriage principle says that husbands should love their own wives. Another one says that wives

should submit to their own wives. To submit means to put him first. Let him have his way. Men are generally

egocentric. That ego is for territorial claim, authority, dominion and leadership. Dont bother to bruise his ego, its

of no use. You will only succeed in stirring up his masculine instinct for authority. So, what do you do with a mansego? Simply nurse it! Let him be. Dont nag him. Dont compare him with any other man. Believe in him. Let the

king in him rule. Respect his head of thehouse status. Let him have a feeling his word is final. While the wife can

suggest, or even disagree, the husband should have the final say.

What does a wife do when she feels so strongly that she is right and the husband is wrong in a particular decisive

situation and the husband is not bulging? She should still allow the husband to have the final say as the head of

the house while she goes and talk it over with God. At almost all times, the husband gets to realize that the wife is

right in such situations and then it becomes a win-win situation.


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The wife should present her opinion in soft statements like,

Darling, what do you think of if that is okay by you, then its okay. But what if we

By using statements like these, you are also using your feminine appeal and power of influence, not with force but

gently, yet powerfully.

10. LET GOD BE THE HEART OF YOUR MARRIAGE

How do you treat your heart? Your heart is the most important organ in your body. That is how God should be to

our marriage. A healthy relationship with God becomes the foundation for a healthy family relationship. A couplewho make God their focus and center of affection will have the reward of having God pull them closer to each

other. Since God is love, love (agapepurest form of love) gains ascendancy selfishness.

All things exist by God, for God and with God, so also is your marriage. You take God away from your marriage and

you are left with nothing. When a marriage is devoid of God, you get hatred instead of love, conflict instead of

peace, pain and sorrow instead of joy, tears instead of laughter, crisis instead of comfort, suspicion instead trust,

loneliness instead of companionship, revenge instead of forgiveness, affliction instead of affection, weakness

instead of strength, fear and trepidation instead oftranquilitythe list is endless.

The presence of God in your marriage is the presence of love and the absence of God is the presence of all marital

woes. Everybody who had experienced bitter marital experiences had at one time or the other ignored God in

their lives and marriages. Marital vows are only fulfilled with the help of God. Dont keep God in the basement of

your marital life, give him the center stage, let him direct, dictate and conduct things. He will do a better job than

you.

God will never force himself to take the driver seat of your marital vehicle. He stays where you put him. God is

courteous. Allow him.

Assignment

1. Give one practical way that marriage can be worked at

2. What is understanding in marriage?

3. Give some examples of how you can relax with your spouse

ACTIVITIES1. Read a book on man / woman differences

2. Try and see how many hours you spend with your spouse alone weekly and see if it is enough.

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