I’M OFF TO get a tattoo. At least, the chances are I will, if I fall off the motorbike I’ve hired from some Phuket street hut where the petrol comes from a litre bottle of Sailor Jerry. The so-called ‘Phuket tattoo’ is what you receive when your (hungover, ill-advised, virgin) trip on a bike results in a deep gash to your flesh. So, resigned to the fate of this initiation, I hand over some crumpled baht and bracket my knees around an electric-blue Suzuki.

After a few wobbles working out how to turn a corner without upending myself over the handlebars, I’m razzing it around the roads of Phuket, passing palm trees and hefting it up green-covered hills with an extra tug on the gas to get panoramic views over the sparkling Andaman Sea. I should count myself lucky, really – I’m down on Cape Panwa, the southernmost tip of the bulging Thai island, which is serene and separate from the pulse of Phuket Town and surrounding gap-yearing beaches, where traffic would most likely flatten me into the tarmac of the busy two-lane highway.

Thanks to some rapid urbanisation, at first glance Phuket is overwhelming, unrealistic and hardly the promise of idyllic Thai beaches and landscapes. That is, until you drive as far south as you can get without tipping into the Andaman, where you hit the lush boutique retreat of Sri Panwa, hidden high up in the jungly hills. Here, there’s not a Phuket tattoo in sight – that will have to wait until I leave.*

The Sri Panwa estate is so expansive, there’s a fleet of tuk-tuks to ferry you about the different parts of the resort. Hell, even the rooms need their own tuk-tuk to navigate. The one-bedroom villas come with wrap-around infinity pools, plus an elegant lounge space and a whole lot of glass for unending views out over the sea.

But the reason to come to Sri Panwa isn’t its private villas or its super-relaxing spa (again, with undisturbed views). The

resort’s signature attraction is its sexy rooftop bar and deck Baba Nest [pictured], which gives by far the best view on the whole of Phuket. If you can face waking up for sunrise at 6.15am, come for that. If not, come for sundowners and watch the oranges and pinks mix in the sky on the panoramic deck, before retreating to the hotel’s excellent Baba Soul Food Thai restaurant – think classic Thai dishes served up with ocean views. Then call a tuk-tuk home again. I’m sure there are better places on Earth, but I’m yet to find them.

While after two days my blood pressure has returned to normal and my skin has lost that pallid look that betrays days spent in office air-con, my time blissing out in sun-slammed Phuket have me gasping for some action. More specifically, Bangkok action.

Commonly thought of as one of Dante’s rings of hell to many, Thailand’s capital is the sort of place you are likely to leave with an actual tattoo. A “giant slather of a city”, says a friend. But, really, how bad can it be?

In reality, Bangkok somehow manages to simultaneously be the dirtiest and glitziest city I’ve ever visited. My introduction is pretty high-rolling – a signature Rolls-Royce from the airport to the vertiginous Peninsula hotel, after which I’m installed in a lounge chair overlooking Bangkok’s heaving Chao Phraya river. There’s a jazz band playing softly and buildings across the water are twitching their lights on and off. ▶

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The Sri Panwa estate is so expansive, there’s a fleet of tuk-tuks to ferry you about the different parts of the resort. The villas come with wrap-around pools

Thai and MightyThought Thailand was all buckets, beach parties and backpackers? CATHY ADAMS explores the country’s more sophisticated side

▲ HIT THE DECK: Baba Nest, the rooftop bar at southern Phuket’s boutique retreat Sri Panwa, gives serene 360-degree views over the Andaman Sea and surrounding islands

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▶ Squint hard enough and it feels quite European. But drain the water out of the river – the colour of pea soup and with a similar consistency – and I imagine you’d see everything from shopping trolleys and Tiger beer bottles to sunken boats and dead lizards. It’s a fitting introduction to a city that is as grubby as it is glamorous.

Sure, Bangkok is one of those places that will never top any ‘liveable cities’ lists. It is a fast-moving, heavy-breathing smear. Its arteries are as pumping as they are clogged. The only bona fide tourist must-do to be ticked off the ‘list’ is a tuk-tuk journey to Wat Pho temple, accompanied by an obligatory Instagram snap of the giant, golden reclining Buddha. The other 47 hours are for battering your senses to a pulp. They’re for discovering the city proper and exploring its sights, smells and sounds. Or, as I’m going to do, seeking out a more laidback side to Bangkok without a Sangsom bucket permanently nailed to my fist. Yeah, right. Let’s see how that one goes.

First up, I want to see the city’s more sensitive side. For a place still under the thumb of military rule, Bangkok is home to a burgeoning art community. From the tall, light Museum of Contemporary Art to the riverside artists’ studios along the waterways in the Thon Buri District, it’s hardly surprising that creatives have come to call Bangkok home: there are few places in Southeast Asia that rival the Thai capital for atmosphere. I make a stop in my narrow boat at the Artists’ House, found in an old Thai wooden home down one of the khlong (slim waterways), and stick around to watch a puppet show. So far, very un-Hangover 2. ▶

For a place that’s still under the thumb of military rule, Bangkok is home to a burgeoning art community: think the riverside artists’ studios of Thon Buri

▶ TOP TO BOTTOM: Cocktail lounging at Baba Nest; a Jacuzzi with a view at The Peninsula Bangkok; villa with wrap-around infinity pool at Sri Panwa; and the elegant riverside lawn at The Peninsula

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▶ My next stop is the Bridge Café, another pin on Bangkok’s contemporary art map. The four-storey art space is home to some of Bangkok’s best street artists, and also hosts regular performances and talks. Some artists here are so boundary-pushing with their street graffiti that they’ll duck out of the way or cover their faces if you want to snap a selfie. (Some advice if you fancy joining the grassroots arts movement: don’t resort to picking up a paint can and daubing the city walls. Bangkok’s Paintbar serves drinks and dinner in front of an

easel and a colour palette so you can paint your own rubbish masterpiece, without the consequence of defiling the city.)

Then there’s the Peninsula. In a city devoid of rules, the five-star riverside luxury hotel is a welcome haven of ordered calm. The hotel has also realised that guests will more often than not probably be suffering from the world’s most painful hangover, and so has installed an incredibly effective cure in the form of the recently relaunched wellness centre. The innovative treatments include the unique ESPA Sleep Ceremony, designed to ease jet lag, and which was so relaxing I fell asleep halfway through (the whole point, apparently), and a specially developed traditional Thai massage, created in conjunction with Wat Pho Temple Massage School. Even dishes in the Peninsula’s Cantonese restaurant, Mei Jiang, are cooked in strict accordance with the rules of Chinese medicine.

*I never did get that tattoo. Thailand, until next time… HFor more info: sripanwa.com; peninsula.com

In a city devoid of rules, the Peninsula is a welcome haven of ordered calm. The ESPA Sleep Ceremony is designed to ease jet lag; I fall asleep halfway through

▲ GIVE IT A REST: See Bangkok’s spiritual side at Wat Arun, or ‘The Temple of the Dawn’, in the artistic Thon Buri District; Grand Deluxe Suite and private hotel boat at riverside retreat the Peninsula

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