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The conclusion a summary of the essayand an answer to the questionIn many ways, the conclusion is the easiest part of the essay to write. This is because it simply

summarises the rest of the essay you dont need to create any new ideas/words to write it.

This lesson suggests a strategy for writing exam essay conclusions. It is to

. If that seems too time-consuming, let me briefly explain why I

think its a good idea.

1. its easier to write the conclusion quickly you only need to restate what you have just read- it

gives you both words and ideas

2. if your conclusion doesnt match the rest of your essay, you will lose on both Task Response

and Coherence. It can be easy to change your ideas as you write an essay with the result that

your conclusion says something different than the rest of the essay

Two questions to ask before you write a conclusionBelow I suggest things to look for in your essay, before you write the conclusion. The ideas are

simple and the process wont take long at all. Ifthat seems too much, try simply asking yourself

these two questions:

1. What is my answer? (for that you need to look at the question!)

2. Why do I say that? (for that you could look at your topic sentences)

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Percentage of consumer goods in UK homes

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The table shows the percentage of household consumer durables sold in the UK from 1972

to 1983. It can be divided into three groups.

Firstly, a number of appliances were in a high percentage of homes for the entire period.These included TVs, vacuum cleaners, refrigerators and washing machines. TV ownership

was the highest, growing from 93% to 98% over the eleven-year period, while washingmachine ownership, the lowest of this group, increased from 66% to 80%.

The second group included central heating and the telephone and these showed the mostdramatic rise with increases of 27% for central heating and 35% for telephones. At the

beginning of the period these appliances had been present in 37% and 42% of homesrespectively.

The final group shows appliances that were only introduced onto the market during the

period shown. The video recorder was quickly accepted into households, achieving 18%ownership by 1983. The dishwasher had less impact, with its ownership slowly rising from

3% to 5% between 1978 and 1983.

In all it shows that British households enjoyed an ever-increasing ownership of consumerdurables from 1972 to 1983.

T he positive and the negative sides of globalization

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Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a positive way,

its negative sideshould not be forgotten. Discuss.

In the present age, globalization is playing increasingly important role in our

lives. But in the meantime whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked

much debate. Some people argue the globalization has fundamentally

beneficial influence on our lives while many others contend that it has

detrimental effect as well.

Convincing argument can be made that globalization not only plays a pivotal

role in the development of technology and economy, but also promotes the

exchange of cultures between different countries. To start with, it is the

globalization that impelled many corporations to become an international

group, thereby making contribution to local technology and employment.

Specifically, when a multinational group establishes a factory in a developing

country, the new equipment, the new management skill and the job vacancies

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are all in the best interest of local society. Moreover, people worldwide can

know each other better through globalization.

Admittedly, profit driven globalization severely affected the young people.

Today, in the metropolises in different countries, it is very common sight that

teenagers are wearing NIKE T- shirt and Adidas footwear, playing Hi-pop

music with Apple I pod and having KFC. The culture that took thousand

years to form is just seems similar in these cities; it is looks like you can only

distinguish them by their language. Meanwhile, in some developing

countries, sweat workshop is always the issue that concerned by WHOM. For

instance, some report shows that some teenagers who employed by Nike's

contractor always stay in the factory that is fulfilled by smell over 14 hours a

day, but they only work for fifty cents per hour.

In summary, I would concede that globalization do come with some adverse

effects. Despite that the benefits created by it far outweigh the disadvantages.

Overall, I convinced that we should further promote globalization and

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meanwhile the local government should take some measures to combat

culture assimilation and sweat workshop.

This essay is extremely long (338 words instead of the advised 250-265). It has

a soundstructure, your position is clearly expressed, the information is well-

organized, and structure-wise the sentences are fine. The vocabulary is

impressive and there only were a fewgrammatical errors (see comments

underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a band 7.5 + essay.

C hildren and rules

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other

countries theyare allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent

should children have tofollow rules?

The extent to which children have to follow rules is in itself a very complexissue, since children across the world grow up in very different cultures. In

India for example, the level of morality is very high and children are to be

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very submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them. This,

however, is not the case for the Western countries of the world where children

follow the motto "Thou shalt do what thou wilt" as promoted by celebrities

and rock stars. I believe that following strict rules has both advantages as well

as serious drawbacks as discussed below.

Firstly, strict rules of behavior create responsible and respectful children who

in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a stable society which is

virtually free from vices such as prostitution and drug abuse. Secondly, if

children do not follow strict rules of behavior, they will get out of hand and

become work- shy and indolent. This will then create a burden on society

since the government has to find ways to cater for these social ills.

However, forcing children to follow strict rules of behavior doesn't always

yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and

works against society. For example, teenagers are more likely to do the

opposite of what they're told to do simply because they want to be

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independent. Children should also have rights to exercise their freewill and

develop their own pattern of behaviors. Strict rules simply destroy the

individuality of children if they're imposed on them.

At the end of the day, it is clear that children should be guided by rules, but

these rules should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they

need to have room to develop their own traits of character and adopt a

behavioral pattern of their own.

This essay is too long (309 words instead of advised 250-265). Otherwise this

work is avery good one; it covers the task, your position is clear, the ideas

are well-organized,expressed, explained and supported. The sentences show a

wide range of languagestructures, cohesive devices and the grammar is fine.

Overall, looks like a band 7.5 orhigher essay.

The advantages and disadvantages of globalization

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Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive

way, itsnegative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

Globalization is such a commonly used term in the twenty first century. It

simply means that the world has become integrated economically, socially,

politically and culturally through the advances of technology, transportation

and communication. It is undeniable to say that globalization has resulted in

both positive and negative effects which must be addressed accordingly.

To begin with, globalization has contributed to the world's economies in

many beneficial ways. The advances in science and technology have allowed

businesses to easily cross over territorial boundary lines. Consequently,

companies tend to become more productive, competitive thereby raising

quality of goods, services and the world's living standard.

Secondly, several companies from the more developed countries have already

ventured to establish foreign operations or branches to take advantage of the

low cost of labor in the poorer countries. This kind of business activity will

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provide more influx of cash or investment funds into the less developed

countries.

However, one cannot deny the negative effects which were derived from

globalization. One crucial social aspect is the risk and danger of epidemic

diseases which can easily be spread as the mode transportation is easier and

faster in today's advance society. This is evidenced in the recent bird's flu

disease which has infected most Asian countries over a short time frame.

As large corporations invest or take over many off shore businesses, a modern

form of colonization will also evolve which may pose certain power pressure

on the local governments of the less developed countries. Unemployment

rates in the more developed regions like Europe may also escalate as

corporations choose to outsource cheaper work force from Asian countries.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that globalization is inevitable and we

must urge individuals, companies and governments to use a more balanced

approach by taking appropriate steps to deal with matters relating to the

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financial or economical gains verses the social, political or ecological concerns

of the world.

This essay is too long, 318 words instead of 250-265. Otherwise (except for

someminor grammatical errors) it is a very nice work. It covers the task, has

the rightstructure, the paragraphs are coherent and logically connected by

elegantly usedlinking words, the structure of sentences is fine and so is

your vocabulary. Lookslike a Band 7.5 or higher essay.

Financial education

Financial education should be mandatory component of the school

program. Towhat extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is an obvious fact that financial aspects are a major part of daily life, as an

adult and even as a young individual. Each and every one of us has to makefinancial decisions concerning recreation, health, education and more. The

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question is whether to start with financial education as part of school program

or postpone it for a later stage in life.

To being with, being able to understand the value of money, the way the

economic system works and interpret financial news and its implications is a

virtue. Without this virtue, an individual, and even a young one, might suffer,

to some extent. For example, a child who doesnt understand the concept of

money might find it more difficult to accept choosing only one present out of

more possible ones.

In addition, many adults are lacking financial analysis capabilities. Quite

often, the reason can be a shaky basis or insecurity when it comes to financial

terms and concepts. Starting from an early age, building a strong background,

can very likely prevent such a situation.

However, financial education necessarily involves quantifying and setting

prices and value for services and goods. It can be easily turn young people

into cynical and coldhearted human beings. Furthermore, a tendency to self-

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concentration and egoism might rise when one starts measuring everything

from a profit making perspective.

In conclusion, financial education has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the

advantages are stronger than the disadvantages, making financial education

an advisable component of school program. The disadvantages should be

thought of as a certain price that young people have to pay due to the

characteristics of the world that we live in.

This is a wonderful essay. It covers the task, is correctly structured, the

paragraphs arelogically connected, the structure of sentences shows excellent

command of English.The vocabulary is fine and both spelling and grammar

are very good. See commentsunderlined in blue for some minor corrections.

Overall, looks like a Band 7.5 8essay.

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be

soon no rolefor teachers in the classroom.

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There have been immense advances in technology in most aspects of people?s

lives, especially in the field of education. Nowadays, an increasing number of

students rely on computers for research and to produce a perfect paper for

school purposes. Others have decided to leave the original way of learning

and to get knowledge through online schools. These changes in the learningprocess have brought a special concern regarding the possible decrease of

importance of teachers in the classroom.

Some people believe the role of teachers started to fade because computers

have been helping some students to progress in their studies quicker than

when compared with an original classroom. For example, in the same

classroom, students have different intellectual capacities, thus some would be

tied to a slow advance in their studies because of others? incapacity of

understanding. In this way, pupils could progress in their acquisition ofknowledge at their own pace using computers instead of learning from

teachers.

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However, the presence of a teacher is essential for students because the

human contact influences them in positive ways. Firstly, students realize that

they are not dealing with a machine but with a human being who deserves

attention and respect. They also learn the importance of studying in group

and respect other students, which helps them to improve their social skills.

Moreover, teachers are required in the learning process because they

acknowledge some student's deficiencies and help them to solve their

problems by repeating the same explanation, giving extra exercises or even

suggesting a private tutor. Hence, students can have a bigger chance not to

fail in a subject.

In conclusion, the role for teachers in the learning process is still very

important and it will continue to be in the future because no machine can

replace the human interaction and its consequences.

This is a great essay. Looks like Band 8 to me. No improvements are

necessary, Keepup the good job!

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Rich countries should help the poor

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the

development ofpoorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations

should take moreresponsibility for helping the poorer nations in such

areas.

Todays world has been divided into developing and industrialized countries

where the main difference between them is the amount of money that

governments apply in important sectors such as education, health and

commerce. Most of the poorer nations are buried in debts as a result of their

unbalanced finances which are reflected in a poor health care, an unstructured

education system and a weak international trade. This vicious cycle will

continue indefinitely unless wealthier nations show interest in minimizing the

worldwide economic differences, as well as taking more responsibility for

assisting unfortunate countries.

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Most of the African countries live in inhuman conditions because of the

extreme poverty, upheaval, hunger, disease, unemployment, lack of education

and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations. The devastating

consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if the

infected populations receive free drugs to control the disease, have access tohealth professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread. But

this can only be achieved through international help programs in which

leaders of the world's richest countries donate medicine and also send doctors

and nurses to treat and educate those in need.

Moreover, most of the poor countries rely on selling agricultural products and

raw material to rich nations and buying industrialized products from them

which results in a huge financial deficit. Consequently, they borrow a

significant amount of money from the World Bank to try to improve theirbroken economies, but sometimes the money disappears with no significant

changes and they cannot even pay the interest to the bank. Regarding this

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issue, last year the G8, which is comprised of leaders of the eight richest

nations, decided to forgive billions of dollars worth of debt owed by the

world's poorest nations. In addition, they developed adequate loan programs

to financially assist those countries.

In conclusion, leaders of the industrialized countries play an indispensable

role in assisting developing nations deal with essential areas such as health,

education and trade. Also, their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle,

which results in poverty and death.

This is an amazing essay, looks like Band 8 to me, nothing to improve here.

Events bringing people together

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international

sportingoccasions are essential in easing international tensions andreleasing patrioticemotions in a safe way.

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Every four years, the whole world stops to watch international sporting

events such as the Olympics and the Football World Cup in which athletes

show their best performance to make their country proud of them. These

sporting occasions have proved to be helpful in easing international tensions

in difficult times when powerful leaders were trying to control the world'seconomy and other governments were fighting over land.

The Olympic Games are one of the best examples which prove how sporting

events can bring nations together, at least temporarily. From ancient History,

when Greeks and Romans would interrupt battles to participate in the games,

to the more recent international disputes, when athletes from Palestine and

Israel would forget their differences, compete pacifically and even embrace

each other after an event. Moreover, these popular events have called the

world's attention to the terrible consequences of wars; thus some leaders havetried to accept agreements to end their dispute and live peacefully.

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Similarly, international sporting events show benefits in some developing

countries which live in a daily internal civil war. For example, Brazil has a

high rate of unemployment, lack of education, hunger, crime, poverty and

corruption which leads to an immense embarrassment of being Brazilian and

a low self-esteem. However, when the Football World Cup starts, theBrazilian squad, which is considered the best team in the world, provokes an

amazing feeling of pride in their country. Most people seem to forget all their

problems and even the criminal activity decreases. They paint roads with the

national colors, use wear the Brazilian team shirt and buy national flags.

Moreover, the competition brings families and neighbors together and even

rival gangs watch the games and celebrate peacefully.

In conclusion, popular sporting events play an important role in decreasing

international tensions and liberating patriotic feelings as History has shown.

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This is a great essay, the ideas, language, structure of paragraphs and

sentences,grammar show high level of English. In my opinion it is Band 8.

Keep up the goodwork.

Computers instead of teachers

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be

soon no rolefor teachers in the classroom.

There is no doubt that education and the learning process has changed since

the introduction of computers: The search for information has become easier

and amusing, and connectivity has expedited the data availability. Though

expert systems have made computers more intelligent, they have not yet

become a substitute of the human interaction in the learning process. In my

opinion; what can be expected, is a change of the teachers? role but not theirdisappearance from the classroom.

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Nobody can argue that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier

with computers. The mere activity of touching and exploring this device

constitutes an enjoyable task for a kid. This, accompanied with the relaxing

attitude and software interactivity, usually conduce to a better grasping of

new knowledge. At a higher educational level; the availability of digitalbooks, simulator and other academic materials, provide the student with an

ever accessible source of information, that otherwise would not be at hand.

But, besides the increasing complexity and behavior of intelligent software,

which is usually embedded in the academic digital material, the need of

human interaction in the learning process will always be present, at least in

the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a human being to be able to

determine what the specific needs of each individual are. The expertise of a

teacher in how to explain and adapt complex concepts to different individualscan hardly be mimicked by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its

software is.

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As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching, teachers should be

more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge rather than

transmitters of facts. They have to be open minded to the changes that are

taking place, keep updated and serve as a problem solvers in the learning

process, thus allowing students to discover the facts for themselves.

To summarize, in my personal view, teachers play and will play an important

role in the classroom, especially at the primary level. No matter how complex

computers become, there will be no replacement for the human interaction,

but in the way this interaction takes place.

Excellent essay! Are you a native English speaker? Well done. The only

problem: toolong, 365 words instead of 250-265 maximum.

Leave a Comment

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Band score 8.0 range of vocabularyThis is the next in my series of lessons in how to achieve a high band score in IELTS essays.

This time the focus is on vocabulary. There is no magic bullet here vocabulary learning takes

time. Thats the bad news. What I do do though is to talk you through some of the more

common problems with vocabulary in essays and give you some tips on avoiding them. Youll

also find a bonus essay to download.

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A sample essay weak vocabulary

Read through this sample essay. It is well structured and addresses the question, but it is weak

on vocab. Can you see what the problems are?

We live in a world where health and safety is more and more important One of the signs of this

is the demand that dangerous sports should be banned. While I understand that argument, my

view is that people should be free to do whatever sports they want.

The biggest reason for objecting to extreme sports is that they can be very dangerous and can

sometimes kill people. More than that, it is not just the sportspeople who are in danger, but

spectators too can be badly injured. If, for example, a Formula 1 car crashes, the driver may be

hurt and it is possible that people in the crowd will be too. Because of this danger, it is

understandable why people want the government to ban these sports.

The opposite argument is that people should be free to do whatever risk they want. So, if

someone wants to jump out of a plane, then they should be allowed to and the government

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cannot say what they should do. A further point is that many dangerous sports are not very

risky and it is as dangerous doing everyday activities such as crossing the road or cooking a

meal as bungee jumping.

My personal view is that the government should regulate dangerous sports, but it should not

ban them. It should also make certain that there is as little danger as possible because safety is

the most important thing. This is most important for young children.

Seeing the problems repetition

One of the most common problems is you can get stuck on certain words. This frequently

happens with words in the question itself. To some extent this is unavoidable and you will see

my improved version retains quite a lot of repetition there is simply less of it.

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See the repetition corrected

Tip think of vocabulary before you start writing

The idea is quite simple. If you think of the words you want to use before you write, then you

can use them. On the other hand, if you start writing too quickly, then it becomes much harder

to try and vary your vocab.

Tip repetition should be on everyones editing checklist

One of my top tips is that everyone should have a mental checklist of the type of errors they

look for when they check their work Im going to look for any mistake doesnt really work.

The point here is that even the best writers can subconsciously get stuck on words and keep on

repeating them if they are not careful.

Tip if you cant find another word, repeat it in a different form

Sometimes there is only one correct word. In this case, the best advice is not to find another

word that may well be wrong, but to change the word slightly. This can mean using the noun
http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/band-score-8-0-range-of-vocabulary/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/band-score-8-0-range-of-vocabulary/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/band-score-8-0-range-of-vocabulary/

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form and not the verb form (banbecomes impose a ban on)or to qualify it with another word

so banbecomes ban entirely.

Seeing the problems avoid language that is too simple

In general, I am a fan of the simple. There are times, however, when you want to upgrade your

English, in particular

avoiding words like big that are not normally used in more formal written English

avoiding words like do unless they are part of a set phrase there is almost always a better

variation

finding variations for words such as very to show your range

thinking about collocations (phrases)

Close Me

We live in a world where health and safety is more and more important. One of the signs ofthis peoplewantthe government to ban dangerous sports. While I understand that argument,

my view is that people should be free todowhatever sports theywant.
http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/band-score-8-0-range-of-vocabulary/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/band-score-8-0-range-of-vocabulary/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/band-score-8-0-range-of-vocabulary/

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We live in a world where health and safety is an ever greater priority. One of the signs of this

isthe demandthat dangerous sports should be banned. While I understand that argument, my

view is that, within certain limits, people should retain the freedomto participate inwhatever

sports theychoose.

Thebiggestreason for objecting to dangerous sports is that they can beverydangerous and

can sometimes kill people. More than that, it is not just the sportspeople who are in danger, but

spectators too can bebadlyhurt. If, for example, a Formula 1 car crashes, the driver may

be hurt and it is possible that people in the crowd will be too. Because of this danger, it is

understandable why peoplewantthe government to ban these sports.

Theprincipalreason for objecting to extreme sports is of course that they can

behighlydangerous and sometimes life-threatening. More than that, it is not just the

participants who are at risk, but spectators too can beseriouslyinjured. If, for example, a

Formula 1 car crashes, the driver may not escape unharmed and there is also a chance that abouncing tyre or debris will fly into the crowd. Given this level of danger, it is understandable

why peoplecall forthe authorities to take action.

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The opposite argument is that people should be free todowhatever risk they want. So, if

someonewantsto jump out of a plane, then they should be allowed to and the

government cannotsaywhat they shoulddo. A further point is that many dangerous sports are

notveryrisky and it is as dangerousdoingeveryday activities such as crossing the road or

cooking a meal as bungee jumping.

The counter argument is that people should be allowedto assume whatever riskthey choose.

So, if someonewishesto freefall from a plane at 30,000 feet, then they should be free to do so

and it should be accepted that it is not the place of the government todictate how they lead

their lives. A further point is that in statistical terms there isa low probability of injuryin many

so-called dangerous sports and people are at greater riskcarrying outeveryday activities such

as crossing the road or cooking a meal as bungee jumping.

My personal view is that the government should regulate dangerous sports, butit should

not ban them. It should also make certain that there is as little danger as possible becausesafety is the most importantthing. This is most important for young children who cannot make

their own decisions.

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My personal view is thatwhilethe government and other authorities do need to regulate

dangerous sports, it would be preferable not to impose a ban on them entirely. I would suggest

that safeguards need to be established so that any risk is minimised. What these safeguards

are will vary from sport to sport, butsafety has to be paramount, especially where minors are

involved.

Tip when you learn vocabulary, learn phrases and not just words

Part of solution to this problem is to learn phrases. For example, you are much more likely to

be able to use participate, if you have first learnt the phrase participate in a sport.

Finding solutions think examples for precise language

This is one of my favourite suggestions. The idea is that if you learn to use examples well, you get to use

language that is precise and sometimes relatively simple. Take a look at this revised versions of the

examples. the revisions may seem quite small, but I get to use precise language

a good thing.The counter argument is that people should be allowed to assume whatever risk they choose.

So, if someone wishes tofreefall from a plane at 30,000 feet, then they should be free to do so

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and it should be accepted that it is not the place of the government to dictate how they lead

their lives. A further point is that in statistical terms there is a low probability of injury in many

so-called dangerous sports and people are at greater risk carrying out everyday activities such

as crossing the road or cooking a meal as bungee jumping.

The principal reason for objecting to extreme sports is of course that they can be highly

dangerous and sometimes life-threatening. More than that, it is not just the participants who

are at risk, but spectators too can be seriously injured. If, for example, a Formula 1 car crashes,

the driver may not escape unharmed and there is also a chance thata bouncing tyreordebris

will fly into the crowd. Given this level of danger, it is understandable why people call for the

authorities to take action.

Finding solutions be academic and use qualifying language

Part of the academic writing skill is learning to qualify what you say so that it is not too general.

Take a look at these two examples of qualifying phrases I add in to the improved version.

Again, the changes may seem small but taken together they can have a significant effect on

your writing.

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We live in a world where health and safety is an ever greater priority. One of the signs of this

is the demand that dangerous sports should be banned. While I understand that argument, my

view is that, within certain limits, people should retain the freedom to participate in whatever

sports they choose.

The counter argument is that people should be allowed to assume whatever risk they choose.

So, if someone wishes to freefall from a plane at 30,000 feet, then they should be free to do so

and it should be accepted that it is not the place of the government to dictate how they lead

their lives. A further point is that in statistical terms there is a low probability of injury in

many so-called dangerous sports and people are at greater risk carrying out everyday activities

such as crossing the road or cooking a meal as bungee jumping.

Finding solutions focus your vocabulary learning on

academic vocabularyThis is in many ways the big one. Learning vocabulary takes time. One excellent way to do it is

simply to read and listen as much as possible. You will absorb more new words that way than

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by sitting down and studying any word list. However, there is a however. To get a high band

score, you want to learn the right words to use in essays. This is where the academic word

listcomes to your help.

Academic vocabulary and IELTSCertain words in English are simply more academic than others. This does not necessarily

mean they are difficult words, it just means native speakers tend to use them more when they

are writing more formally. They are in other words exactly the sort of words you want in IELTS.

Take these examples from the improved essay:

retain

principal

assume

participate in
http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-vocabulary/awl-exercises/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-vocabulary/awl-exercises/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-vocabulary/awl-exercises/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-vocabulary/awl-exercises/http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-vocabulary/awl-exercises/

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These are all excellent words to learn as they can be used in all sorts of different contexts. All

I would add is that you also need to learn how to use them and that is where my daily word

exercises come in.

Exercise on the AWL words in the essayTo see my point, have a go at this exercise based on improved essay:

AWL words in dangerous sports

Download the essay

Dangerous sports sample essay (2409)

Read more:Band score 8.0 range of vocabulary | Dominic Cole's IELTS

Bloghttp://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/band-score-8-0-range-of-vocabulary/#ixzz21eKzMKUg

Under Creative Commons License:Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives
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Band score 8.0 writing better paragraphsThis is the next lesson in my series on how to achieve high band scores in IELTS writing. The

focus this time is on writing better paragraphs and improving the coherence of your writing.

This is a problem that is common at high levels where candidates have plenty of good language

but sometimes dont use it very effectively.

Sometimes it is easier to understand a problem by looking at something that is not quite right.

So this time I look at ways of improving a sample of writing from a candidate who has

consistently scored 6.5 in writing (4 times in a row I believe!), but who is certainly capable of

scoring more highly. He has in fact already completed a masters such is the absurdity of the

IELTS system.

As a bonus, I also include a download of a sample essay on the theme of employment and

promotion.

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Coherence and cohesion distinguished

To understand the problem it is first necessary to understand a little of the difference between

coherence and cohesion. Put simply, cohesion is the linking of your writing by using connecting

words, while coherence is making sure your writing makes sense. The important point to note

is that .

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The sample paragraph cohesion

In some ways, this is a very good paragraph. There is a good range of vocabulary, the grammar

is fine and it has lots of good cohesion structures which I have highlighted in red. There is

much to learn here:

are excellent cohesion structures as they link back to something that was

already mentioned

(performance companies) also helps cohesion as it helps the reader

make connections between sentences

The principal reason why some people takethis viewis that most multi-national companies

certainly implement some specific policies to select employees for promotion. This point, of

course, could be demonstrated by individuals who worked inthose companies. For example,

when I was working in an American company in Shanghai, before each fiscal year, I usuallydiscussed with my supervisor in order to draw up a formal agreement, which was called

Performance and Development Review.By doing this, the jobperformanceI did for several

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. If that seems too time-consuming, le

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