TAKING LONG SENTENCES AND MAKING THEM SHORTER

(Conciseness)

I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had time to make it shorter.

--Blaise Pascal

We're all wordy. In fact, we probably picked up wordy writing habits in school, with all those teachers insisting we write at least three pages. What choice do we have but to pack in as many words as possible to meet that mandate? The first step toward concise writing is to recognize what constitutes wordiness.

A. Delete meaningless words.

Kind of Really Basically PracticallyActually Virtually Generally Certain Particular Individual Given Various

Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any other particular technology.

Prune the meaningless modifiers, and we get something more concise:

  Productivity depends more on psychology

than on technology.

B. Delete doubled words.

Sometimes we double words for emphasis:

  Full and complete True and

accurate Hopes and desires Hope and trust Each and every First and

foremost Any and all Various and

sundry Basic and fundamental

C. Eliminate redundant modifiers.

Completely finish Personal beliefs Free gift Past history Final outcome Important essentials Each individualTrue facts Consensus of opinion Basic

fundamentals Sudden crisis End result Future plans Terrible tragedy Initial preparation

D. Replace wordy phrases with concise words.

Replace

The reason for In light of the fact that For the reason that Owing to the fact that Due to the fact that Considering the fact that

with: Because, since, or why.

Replace

In the event that If it should happen/transpire that Under circumstances which

with: If.

Replace  As regards Concerning the

matter of In reference to Where X is concerned With regard to

  with: About.

Replace  It is crucial that It is important that It is necessary that It is incumbent upon There is a need for Cannot be avoided

with:Must, should.

Replace

Is able to Has the capacity for Is in a position to Has the ability

to Has the opportunity to

with: Can.

Replace

It is possible that There is a chance that It could happen that The possibility exists

that

with:May, might, can, could.

Replace

Prior to Following on In anticipation of At the same time as Subsequent to Simultaneously with

with:Before, when, as, after.

Replace

The point I am trying to make In a very real sense As a matter of fact

with:Nothing. These are empty phrases. Never use them.

E. Use active over passive verbs (voice).

Passive: Joe's work was not viewed favorably by

everyone.

Active: Not everyone viewed Joe's work

favorably.

F. Revise nouns derived from verbs.

A noun can be formed from a verb by adding a suffix: dismiss/dismissal, repent/repentance, devote/devotion. But these constructions make for weaker, wordy writing.

  Weak: Many patients made the discovery that

communication with other patients via the Internet was helpful in providing support to everyone.

  Strong: Many patients discovered that

communicating with other patients via the Internet helped everyone emotionally.

Wordy: In my personal opinion, it is necessary that we all not fail to listen to and think over in a very careful manner each and every suggestion that anyone offers us.

Every opinion is personal, so cut personal. And since a statement like this is obviously opinion, cut in my opinion. It is necessary means must. We implies all. Listen to and think over means consider. In a careful manner means carefully, and very adds nothing. Each and every is redundant, so we need only each. A suggestion is, by definition, offered to someone, so neither do we need that anyone offers to us. And since the negative not fail implies its positive, and positive language is always more effective than negative, change the sentence to an affirmative.

Concise: We must consider each suggestion carefully.

Exercise 1: Trim the wordiness out of the following sentences.

A) Do not try to anticipate in advance those events that will completely revolutionize our society because past history shows that it is the eventual outcome of seemingly minor events that has unexpectedly surprised us most.

B) The holes must be aligned in an accurate manner.

C) Imagine a picture of someone engaged in the process of trying to learn the rules for playing chess.

D) Specifying the target or consumer that you want to reach with your product is the main step in advertising.

E) The educational process and athletic activities are the responsibility of the county government.