Stroke Economy

Sex Economy

• Wilhelm Riech, Freud’s

psychoanalytic disciple

developed the concept of the

sex economy, which in the

Germany of the 30’s, he

defined as the intentional

squelching of sexual exchanges

among the young for the

political purpose of promoting

conformity of the Nazi regime.

Stroke Economy

• In the book “Scripts People

Live” (1974) Claude Steiner a

close friend of Berne develops

the theme of stroke economy.

• The stroke economy describes

how society has developed a

system to control and compete

in the giving and receiving of

strokes.

Steiner wrote a children’s story “The Warm Fuzzy Tale”

The Warm Fuzzy Tale

• In this story he tells how a happy

family freely gave warm "fuzzies"

until a wicked witch who deceived

them by telling them that their

warm fuzzies will run out.

• The family started to hold back

from giving warm fuzzies, and as

this spreads through their

community people’s backs start to

shrivel up, and people start to die.

The Warm Fuzzy Tale

1. As the witch wishes to sell her salves and potions she doesn’t actually wish people to die, she invents cold pricklies, and plastic fuzzies which keep people alive and unhappy so that they carry on buying her potions and salves from her.

2. However, the children eventually learn that they won’t run out of the warm fuzzies, and so start giving them away freely again inviting the adults to join them.

• The stroke economy creates a scarcity of love and affection by imposing a set of rules that govern the exchange of strokes.

• These rules are enforced internally by the inner Critical Parent and externally by the restrictive social mores that surround us.

• Disobedience of these rules results in feelings of guilt, shame and unworthiness and externally in widespread social disapproval.

Stroke Economy

• Claude Steiner suggests that as children, we are all indoctrinated by our parents with five restrictive rules about stroking. • Don’t give strokes when

you have them to give.• Don’t ask for strokes when

you need them.• Don’t accept strokes if you

want them.• Don’t reject strokes when

you don’t want them.• Don’t give yourself strokes.

Stroke Economy

• These five rules together are the basis of what Steiner calls the stroke economy.

• By training children to obey these rules, parents ensure that a situation in which strokes could be available in a limitless supply is transformed into a situation in which the supply is low and the price parents can extract from them is high.

Stroke Economy

• Steiner believes parents do this as a way of controlling their children.

• By teaching children that strokes are in short supply, the parents gain the position of stroke monopolist.

• Knowing that strokes are essential, the child soon learns to get them by performing in ways which mother and father demands.

Stroke monopolist

• As grownups, we still

unawarely obey the five rules.

• As a result, we spend our lives

in a state of partial stroke

deprivation.

• We use much energy in

seeking out the strokes we

still believe to be in short

supply.

Stroke monopolist

As people intimidated by

these internal and external

sanctions follow the stroke

economy’s rules on a

culture wide basis, the

outcome is a lowering of

affectionate exchanges

resulting in generalized

“Stroke starvation”.

Stroke starvation

Stroke starved people will

become depressed and will

resort to self damaging

methods of obtaining

strokes just as starving

people will eat rotten food

or people dying of thirst will

drink salt water.

Stroke starvation

Eventually, harmful

methods of obtaining

strokes become habitual

to stroke hungry people

who know of no other

way of fulfilling their need

for human recognition.

Stroke starvation

• To reclaim our awareness, spontaneity and intimacy, We need to reject our restrictive basic training . We need to become aware that

• Strokes are limitless in supply.

• We can give a stroke when we want.

• When we want, we can ask.• We can take stroke when

offered.• If we don’t like the stroke,

we can reject it openly.• We can enjoy giving

ourselves strokes.

Reclaiming awareness

• Most of us restrict our stroke exchange in accordance with our early childhood decisions.

• These decisions were made in response to our infant perceptions of pressures from parents.

• As grown ups, we can re assess these decisions and change them if we want to.

Re-decision

Activity• Exchange strokes with your

group members.

• How you experienced giving,

accepting and rejecting strokes.

• Which were you comfortable

and uncomfortable with?

• When you were uncomfortable,

do you trace that back to rules

you remember your parents

setting for you as a child?

Asking for strokes

• There is one myth about

stroking that almost all of us are

taught. The myth is “Strokes

that you have to ask for are

worthless”.

• The reality is that strokes that

you get by asking are worth just

as much as strokes you get

without asking.

Asking for strokes

• You may object: “But if I ask, maybe the other person may give me stroke just be nice”

• Appraising from Adult, we can see this as a possibility.

• Alternatively, the stroke may be sincere.

• There is a good chance that others may have been wanting to stroke you but had been hearing their own parent proclaiming “Don’t give strokes”.

Asking for strokes• You always have the option of

checking with the other person

whether or not their stroke was

genuine.

• If it was not, you have further

options. You may choose to take it

anyway or you can reject their

marshmallow and ask for a stroke

that is genuine, form the same

person or from somebody else.

Activity

• Be in groups of four.• Exercise is on asking strokes. • A person “It” takes three

minutes to ask the others for strokes.

• Strokers responding by giving the strokes asked for if they are genuinely willing to give it. If not, say “I am not willing to give you the stroke right now.”

• It shares his/her experience with others.

Activity• Write down at least five positive strokes

you want but don’t usually ask for. • In the following month, ask at least one

person for each of these strokes.• If you get the stroke, thank the stroker.• If you do not, it is ok to ask for adult

information about why the other person did not want to give the stroke asked for.

• Homework is over when you have asked for the strokes whether or not you got all of them. When you have asked for all the strokes on your list, give yourself a stroke for doing the exercise.

Prepared By Manu Melwin JoyAssistant ProfessorIlahia School of Management Studies

Kerala, India.Phone – 9744551114Mail – manu_melwinjoy@yahoo.com

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