A stringy sentence is

made up of several

complete thoughts

strung together with

words like and or but.

Stringy sentences just

ramble on and on.

They don’t give the reader a chance to pause before each new idea

EXAMPLEMartina climbed the stairs of the haunted house, and she knocked on the door several times, but no one answered, and she braced herself, and then she opened the door.

•• break the sentence into two or more sentences •• turn some of the complete thoughts into phrases or subordinate clauses

Stringy: Many students attend classes all morning, and they work all afternoon, and then they have to study at night, so they are usually exhausted by the weekend.To correct:1. Divide. Many students attend classes all morning and work all afternoon. Then, they have to study at night. As a result, they are usually exhausted by the weekend.2. Subordinate. After attending classes all morning, many students work in the afternoon. Because they also have to study at night, they are usually exhausted by the weekend

Stringy: Mercedes was born in Cuba, but her mother died, and she moved to the United States, and she moved with her two sisters.Revised: Mercedes was born in Cuba, but her mother died. Therefore, she moved to the United States with her two sisters.

Stringy: Many people wait for summer to travel, and then they may visit a lot of places, so they spend all of their money by the end of the vacations.Revised: Many people wait for summer to travel. They may visit a lot of places, so they spend all of their money by the end of the vacations.

Wordy sentences

can obscure your

meaning. Aim for

clear, direct sentences so readers can follow

your ideas.Sometimes you use more words in

a sentence than

you really need.

Extra words do not make writing sound better and, in fact, they can

even interfere with your message.

1. Replace a phrase with one word.WORDY In a state of exhaustion, Tony slumped across the bus seat and fell asleep.REVISED Exhausted, Tony slumped across the bus seat and fell asleep.

2. Take out who is or which is.

WORDY Yesterday I went for a long hike with Sonya, who is my best friend.

REVISED Yesterday I went for a long hike with Sonya, my best friend.

3. Take out a whole group of unnecessary words.

WORDY I spent a lot of time writing this report because I really want people to learn about manatees so they can know all about them.

REVISED I spent a lot of time writing this report because I want people to learn about manatees.

EXAMPLES:

•WORDY As a result of what happened when the tire went flat, we were late.

•REVISED Because the tire went flat, we were late.

WORDY Afterward, we drank some apple juice, which is a good thirst quencher.

REVISED Afterward, we drank some apple juice, a good thirst quencher

WORDY There is a need for more careful inspection of all welds.

REVISED You must inspect all welds more carefully.

Overloaded sentences-a long string of phrases and clauses joined by various words like because, when, then, so, etc. Example: When I was younger, I loved to go bowling because it was so much fun and my friends all would come with me because they like bowling, too, then after we would sometimes go to the movies if something good was playing, then we would go out to eat.

1. Break sentences up into smaller ones.2. See if some phrases can be combined into the same one.3. See if some details are not needed and can be deleted

WAYS TO FIX STUFFED/ OVERLOADED SENTENCES

Wrong: If you have access to the internet you will feel as if you have an expert on everything residing in your laptop, because an instant after you key in a search term, you will get all kinds of information, and though you will often have to crosscheck the data that you get, it is worth the extra effort since that verification is straightforward and time-efficient.

EXAMPLES

Revised If you have access to internet, you will feel as if you have an expert on everything residing in your laptop. An instant after you key in a search term, you get all kinds of information. And though will often have to cross check the data that you get, it is worth the extra effort since that verification is straightforward and time-efficient.

Wrong When I was younger, I loved to go bowling because it was so much fun and my friends all would come with me because they like bowling, too, then after we would sometimes go to the movies if something good was playing, then we would go out to eat.Revised When I was younger, I loved going bowling with my friends. Sometimes, after all the fun, we would go to a movie and out to eat.

Makes writing more interesting

Take away the choppiness by adding variety

Vary sentence lengthMixture of long and short

Vary sentence structureMixture of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex

Why combine sentences?

COMBINE BY INSERTING WORDS• Pull a key word from one sentence and add it to

anotherExamplesOriginal: Louis Armstrong was a famous musician. He

was a jazz musician. Combined: Louis Armstrong was a famous jazz

musician.

Original: Armstrong was an easygoing person. He was a friend to many people.

Combined: Armstrong was an easygoing, friendly person.

COMBINING BY INSERTING PHRASES

• Take a group of words from one sentence and place them in another.

Example: Original: Brown bears gather in groups. They

gather around the banks of rivers. Combined: Brown bears gather in groups

around the banks of rivers.

COMBINING BY USING AND, BUT, OR OR• Use conjunctions to create compound sentences.

ExamplesOriginal: Many nations throughout the world use

the metric system. The United States still uses the old system of measurement.

Combined: Many nations throughout the world use the metric system, but the United States still uses the old system of measurement.

COMBINING BY USING AND, BUT, OR OR CONTINUED• Make compound subjects and verbsExamplesOriginal: Kangaroos carry their young in pouches.

Koalas carry their young in pouches. Combined: Kangaroos and Koalas carry their

young in pouches. Original: Kangaroos can hop on their hind legs. They

can walk on all four legs. Combined: Kangaroos can hop on their hind legs or

walk on all four legs.

COMBINING BY USING CLAUSES• If two ideas are related but unequal in

importance, then make the less important one an dependent clause.

Example: Original: The Aztecs were an American Indian

people. They once ruled a mighty empire in Mexico.

Combined: The Aztecs were an American Indian people who once ruled a mighty empire in Mexico.