STRATEGIES

SPLITDECISIONS

When divorce seems inevitable, you cankeep your horse.

WRITTEN BYANNE LANGILLUSTMTED BYNOBEE KANAYAMA

you'RE HAVING A TERRIBLE nightmare. In it,you answer the doorbell to find an impas-sive stranger on your front porch. Hehands you a large manila envelope. In ag-onizingly slow motion, you lift the flapand pull out several official-looking doc-uments. They're divorce papers-withyour natne on them. Your spouse, thecoldly phrased sentences say, wants outof the marriage. Among the assets to besplit up: yr.,ur horset

Or perhaps this is your nightmare:You're sitting in your attorney's office,nervously twisting a wadded-up handker-chief as you explain that you don't thinkyou can survive another day in your mis-erable mar-riage. But you're scared tostart divorce proceedings, you say, be-cause you don't see how you can afford tokeep your horse on )our own income.What's worse is that you wouldn't put itpast your vindictive spouse to haul awaythe horse-your sole source of joy andsanity-in the dead ofnight.

The visions recede. You awake to findyourself alone in the big bed you used toshare, and a familiar heavy feeling hitsyour gut. This is no dream, you remindyourself-this is real. Your marriage isfalling apart, and your horselife is at riskof being swept away with the pieces.

With the national divorce rate at 50percent of all marriages, you're certainlynot alone in watching your wedded rela-

tionship go up in smoke. And you're notalone with your "how can I keep myhorse?" dilemma, either, because plentyof others have faced that question.

The fact that othershaae faced it is goodnews for you, because that means youdon't have to hack a trail through untrav-eled country; instead, you can find help incollective experience. To bring you ahorseperson's "strategy package," we con-sulted a trio of professionals-a psycholo-gist and two attorneys-all of them horseowners, and all ollhem teterans in prac-tices that help many divorcing clients. Thetips from these pros will start you offthinking wisely, thinking calmly, andthinking keep that horse, no matter what!

KEEPING HYSTERIAAT BAYFirst, let's address your emotions, andhow to keep them under reasonable con-trol-the better to have rationality as pafiof your strategy. Whether you're the re-spondent or the plaintiff, you're about toundergo a lengthy, exhausting, all-con-suming ordeal, and the last thing youwant to do is crumble under the pressure.To enter divorce proceedings with a clearand cool head:. Seek professional courceling. As soon asyou receive papers, or before you filethem, spend at least a few sessions with apsychologist. This can go a long way in en-abling you to approach your divorce nego-

tiations with the mental fortitude you'llneed in order to strategize keeping yourhorse. Certainly, don't count on your attor-ney for emotional advice-that's not his/herjob, and you'll end up owing your legalprofessional a lot of money for the hoursyou spend crying to him/her on the phone.Family members and friends might beconvenient sources of solace, but you can'texpect them to offer objective advice.c Recognize that conflicting emotioru arenotmal. Nearly all people involved in adivorce experience a lot of ambivalentfeelings: love, hate, anxiety, self-doubt,fear, depression, confusion, frustration,guilt, bitterness, and more. Professionalcounseling will help you identify and sortout those feelings, so you can use them tomake appropriate decisions about yourfuture-and your /zorse's future.o Don't act, or react, too hastily, Sincethis is likely the worst you're ever going tofeel in your life, aside from when a lovedone dies, it's only natural to want to getthe whole bleak experience behind you asfast as possible. But giving in to that de-sire can cost you your horse! (Example:You feel guilty about being the one whowants out of the marriage, and thereforeagree to your spouse's demand that thehorse be sold, and the proceeds divided.)Give yoursel{ the time to formulate a suc-r.essfu I game plan for negol ialion.o Don't expose your "Achilles' heeL " Your

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HORSE & RIDER 39

spouse undoubtedly knows how crazy youare about your horse. If this will be a hos-tile dissolution, chances are helshe willnot only wart to deprive you of your mostprized possession, but also will use it as atool to wear down your mental defenses.By all means, don't resort to begging ("lllgive you aryahing if you'll let me keep thehorse!"), and don't react outwardly ifyou're tormented by such remarks asoool'm going to make you buy out my half,and that's $5,000 you can't afford!" Justignore him/her, and act mysteriously de-tached-your silence will shatter any feel-ings of having control over you.c Use your rid,ing time to shore up yourpsych,e, Now more than ever, you're goingto need a pleasant diversion from all yourtroubles. What better way to partake ofsunshineo fresh air, and exercise thanaboard your beloved horse? Importantnote: This is rct the time to tackle ambi-tious new training tactics that may leaveyou frustrated or exhausted-your life ischallenging enough right now.

KNOWYOURSTUFFOkay. Let's assume you've now gottenyour head screwed on straight, and thatyou're ready to face the legal proceed-ings, determincd tohangonto your horse.

Here are some important steps to take:o Find your own attorney. Even if youand your spouse are parting ways on equi-table terms, don't be tempted to savemoney by letting him/her handle the de-tails ofyour divorce-it could end up cost-ing you your horse, For safekeeping, seekthe advice of someone who only has yourbest interest in mind.c Get your paperwork in ord,er, Makecopies of any and all financial state-ments-bank records, tax returns, stocks,bonds, credit-card balances, vehicle pay-ments, mortgage/rent, utilities, groceries-and the bills for your horse's mainte-nance. Copy his registration papers (orthe bill of sale, if he's unregistered), plusthe documents on anything for which youhold the title. You'll need to supply theseto your attomey; the information will beused to determine each person's living ex-penses from the time of the preliminaryhearing to the final settlement.. Compil,e a aisual record of assets, Armedwith a still or video camera, walk throughyour house, bam, garageo etc., to create avisual record ofwhat you and your spouseown. (Your horse will be considered anasset, so be sure to get him on camera!Ditto, all your tack and equipment.) Thiscan help alleviate future disputes over

what items were on the premises at thestart of divorce proceedings.c Haue your horse professionally ap-praised. Some attomeys advise that youresort to this step only if you and yourspouse can't reach an agreement on thehorse's value. If the issue remains unre-solved, you might dbtain a written ap-praisal from a notable expert within yourbreed or riding discipline. But chancesare, your spouse will want to hire his/herown appraiser, and if the two numbersvary a great deal, you will need to deter-mine an agreed-upon value before youappear in court.o Malrc sure your horse is in a safe place,Is your boarding stable secure enoughthat a disgruntled spouse would have dif-ficulty removing your horse, even in themiddle of the night? If so, that's one lessworry for you.

But if not, or if your horse is stabledon jointly owned property, ask your attor-ney to file arestraining order. This orderwill mandate that there'll be no hiding ofassets, and no alienating ofproperty.

The absolute cruelest of spouses mightdefy the order and ship your horse to themeat packers. ff that occurs, all you cando is file a motion for contempt, and thecourt will be likely to fine and/or jail your

spouse. (Although it's small consolation,such a flagrant act would boost yourchances of gaining a disproportionateshare ofthe marital assets, and/or a cashaward for the value of the horse.)

Once you've covered the suggestedsteps above, you're ready to meet withyour attomey. Take along copies of ev-erything you've prepared, keeping anextra set for yourseH (including a videodub, or photo negatives). For peace ofmind, you might stash your own set ofcopies at a trusted family member'shouse, or in a safe-deposit box-at a bankother than the one normally used by youand your spouse.

IMPROVING YOUR KEEP.HORSE ODDSHere's some general advice from our ex-perts to help you minimize the unavoid-able emotional and financial pain thatcomes with divorce:o Brace yourself: The fi.rst year is theworst. Having been through her own di-vorce involving horses, one attomey cau-tions that adjusting to this major lifechange can "freak you out." Emotionally,you'll experience separation anxietl"even if you hate your spouse. Financially,you'll take a big hit. It doesn't matter howmuch combined income you had before;

that amount will be cut in half, whilemany of the expenses will stay the same.You'll still have a household to maintain,will still need a car or truck, and still willrequire food, utilities, insurance, medicalcare, and clothing-plus, you'll still haveall your horse-related bills. Prepare your-self mentally for this first jolting year,and der ise as many money-saving strale-gies as you can. It nill get easier.. Scale down your horse-related, expenses,Even if temporary orders have you split-ting the cost of your horse's upkeep withyour spouse, you'd better starl economiz-ing now, if you want to be able to afford thetotal expense when you're on your own. ffthat means reverting from bam board topasture board, leasing or half-leasing yourhorse, or eliminating horse shows, do if.Remember, your primary objective is tokeep the horse! Once that's achieved, youmight eventually be able to work your wayback up to the way things used to be.Whether that means getting a job, gettinga better-payingjob, or teaching riding stu-dents on your horse, it doesn't matter-what d,oes matter right now is that the ani-mal go to you in the final settlement.o Don't squabble ouer small stuff. Keepin mind that every minute you spend inthe presence of your attorney will cost

you money, so don't sit there at the lawfirm's office conference table, arguingover who gets the draw reins, and whogets the dandy brushes. If you and yourspouse are on any kind of civil speakingterms, try to work out the petty propefiydivision lists on your own time, then pre-sent those lists to your attorneys. Save thebig-time bickering for big-time items-such as the horse!o If you don"t haue o job, corcid.er gettingone. Maybe you're a woman who hasn'tworked outside the home in 15 or 20years, and your husband's income has al-ways supported your horse. But unless heearns substantial money, don't count onbeing auard.ed, ernugh temporary spou,salsuppott to c(./uer your horse's upkeep. Re-member, if your spouse is the sole bread-winner, the court recognizes that his/herexpenses are virtually doubled now-at thevery least, your spouse will have to pay fortwo residences in the interim. ffyou reallywant to keep your horse, circumstancesmay dictate that you find the means.t Settle the horse dispute before you getto tial. This may seem like an impossi-ble challenge, but there are dangers inletting a judge determine who should getthe horse. First, you have no way ofknowing who you're going to get-your

judge might be a sucker for horses, or acold, juclicial automaton. Second, youneed lo remember that the coufl rien' ahorse as an o.JJet, not an issue (i.e., achild). In fact, to call a light over a horsea "custody battle" will make most courl-room professionals laugh.

If you come to trial with an unresolvedhorse dispute, the judg€ will probably doone of the follorving: (l) award the horseto whomever he/she rvants; (2) tell youthat you have to give up X number o{'other assets to obtain the l.rorse; (3) makeone ofyou buy the other one out; (4) par-tition the horse by sale, via running itthrough an auction (which requires youto outbid your spouse); or (5) demand thatyou simply sell the horse and divide themoney. One reasonable option that'sarailahle in some states is lo requesl asettlement conference with the judge,prior to the trial-during which the judgecan offer advice in a non-coultroom set-ting, to help steer vou toward a decision.o Keep your cool in the courtroom. Anyattorney will tell you this: If you do endup before a judge, the more reasonablyyou behave, the better he/she is likelv tolreal 1ur. And il loul spou'e is an un-controllable hothead, your docile de-meanor will weigh that much more inyour I'avor:. t:

The editors thank the following for theirgenerous input on this article: attorneyPatricia Finch, a multi-discipline horse-woman from Seguin, Texas, who handlesmostly divorce cases and equine-relatedcases in the general civil-law practice thatshe still owns with her ex-husband, Stephen;attorney Kevin Chames of Wilsonville, 0re-gon, whose caseload is generally 40 percentdivorce-oriented, and who shows his Thor-oughbred in jumper classes and combined-training events; and psychologist EdwardFuller, who's counseled hundreds of clientsinvolved in divorces, and who with his wife,Reetsie, owns a Paint breeding farm andshow facility in 0regon City, Oregon.

"After listening to the stories told by theseasoned divorce-war veterans I interviewed,I certainly feel renewed gratitude for myhappy, l6-year marriage (to her collegesweetheart)," says award-winning writerAnne Lang, of Austin, Texas. Says California-based illustrator Nobee Kanayama, "l'vealways kept my work 'neutral' in tone, butto depict this article's 'violent theme,' I hadto step outside that neutrality." His artworkalso graces On The Circuit each month, andhas been the subject of many readerrequests for reprints.

But YYhat About...?You probably have many questions about the legal ABC's of divorce, the answers to which are be-yond the scope ofthis article. But here, from our experts, are answers tosome horse-relatedques-tions that often arise:

' Shsrdd , s#k at, z#sirrcf tryho's *s a ba*sc?*tw*!llere's advice from an attorney who isa horseperson: Seek the most qualified person you can afford,Period. When it comes right down to it, it's hislher knowledge of divorce law that's important." ts a ha{* ce*tiM $cnnrrrutitf Frapertylln states where community-property laws exist, a horse is considered community property if he wasbought or "earned" during the marriage. lf he was given to you as a gift or by inheritance, or if he

was bought with money you obtained prior to marriage, he's all yours. lt doesn't matter if only onename is listed on the horse's registration papers-in community-property states, the above criteriaare still used to determine ownership.. Whatabast*tafu*lrcre hws&ofi'texistlGenerally in such states, the courts are enabled to make any allocation of personal property to ei-ther party, based on what the iudge feels is equitable under all the circumstances. lf two persons'names are listed on the horse's registration papers, those papers might be viewed as a legal title-both persons might have to sign off to clear title before the horse can be sold to a third party., {{hzt if ve haye eantFasable *rc$ne& at# we hath waat t*is har*Ilf you can't work this out before you get to trial, the decision will rest with the judge-whose pri-mary iob will be to be fair. Most judges view horses strictly as assets, and so will elect to partitionin kind. (Example: You get the horse, your spouse gets the sailboat.) lt's risky business to subjectyour horse's future to this potential version of "eenie-meenie-minie-mo," so you're much better offworking out the settlement with your attorneys.. lfaw as I ho6-f:er ny clwrces af geltitrg#re horsclAgain, don't forget that in legal terms, a horse is simply considered an asset. So, if your spouse is

only interested in the horse's monetary worth, be prepared to trade an equivalent asset, or to buyout his/her half. lf your spouse wants to be awarded the horse, you're gambling for riskier stakes-sobe ready to show the court that you're the one with the primary interest and involvement, andthat you're financially capable of maintaining the horse, For documentation, gather written state-ments from riders who see you out at the barn every day, entry-fee receipts from horse shows, re-ceipts from horse-related bills you've paid, etc.

' ff*et i{ I $t't cane ug with bvy-utt amaey iranediatal$lf your spouse is insisting that you buy out his/her half of the horse, and you don't have that muchcash right now, relax; in almost all divorce cases that result in buy-outs, payment isn't requireduntil the time of settlement-and often not even at that time, if you can arrange for an extendedpayment plan. Use the interim period to start saving, to take on added work, or to obtain a loanfrom a relativewhatever it takes to obtain the extra funds. (For tips on how to finance your horse,refer to "Finance Your Dream Horse," Buy Wiise, April '93.), ls tlwre sttdt a thi*g as slle,r*d cnta{y af lu,rceslAfraid not. We're talking a whole different can of worms here than the realm of shared child cus-tody. Just imagine the potential ramifications: The horse stumbles and bveaks his leg on a trail whileyour ex is riding him. Are you going to sue your ex for carelessness? ls he/she going to sue you be-cause your larrier put on the wrong kind of shoes? How do you pick a stable that's an equal dis-tance from your respective homes? Who gets to take the horse to the big shows, and how do youdetermine whose shows are more important than the other's? What if you can't agree on a veteri-navian? We could go on and on here, but you get the point. Work it out., Hartr do brd registrirs rmpord tc divorce &fWe don't have the space to list the policies of every registry, so we chose one ofthe big ones to use

as an example-the American Quarter Horse Association, based in Amarillo, Texas. According toLaDonna Wilkerson, manager of the AQHA transfer department: lf two names are listed on existingpapers, and those two persons have put the horse in the middle of a divorce dispute, the AQHA re-quires a certified copy of a restraining order, to ensure that the horse can't be transferred or solduntil further notice. When the divorce is final, the AQHA requires a certified copy of the decree thatnames a specific party as sole owner. The decree also must refer to the horse by his registeredname. Accompanying the decree must be the original registration papers, a $10 transfer fee, andthe signature of either party. lf the "losing" party refuses to relinquish the original papers, theAQHA might call him/her to appear before its executive committee, and his/her rights and privilegeswithin the association's lurisdiction might be suspended until the issue is resolved. ln short, theAQHA tries to adhere to whatever the courts have mandated.

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Seroice to tfte fuoferis presented to

Anne Lang"Split Decisions'2

Horse & Rider