stars and stripes veterans news - va nj health care · pdf filemay 2017 volume 5, issue 1...

May 2017 Volume 5, Issue 1

Stars and Stripes Veterans News

This newsletter is written by combat Veterans to assist all who may benefit. As disabled Veterans we are dedicated to helping others on our journey toward recovery. We will share our experiences, provide helpful resources and offer our insight on various issues while connecting with our readers.

Inside this Issue:

The Whole Truth ……......................................................... 2 Call and/or Text Contact Trees ….…………………….…. 2 Think You Can….………………………………………….3 Penny……………………………………………………….4 Glutton for Punishment ..………………………………......5 Where is the Thrill?...............................................................6 Nightmare on My Street...…………………………..….…..6

The Stars and Stripes Veterans News provides patients in the Traumatic Brain Injury Program the opportunity to write, edit, and publish for therapeutic purposes. The views expressed in this newsletter are not those of the VANJHCS or its staff.



The Whole Truth When we were in the service the mindset was to “soldier on”. That worked well in that environment but is detrimental for disabled Veterans. When I first started using VA medical facilities I was

somewhat hesitant to reveal too much. Over time, I got more comfortable with the staff and opened up more. I started at a Vets Center and steadfastly argued that I didn’t have PTSD. It took at least a year to even consider that possibility. After hearing it from

most of the Vet Center staff and numerous Vets who have acknowledged their own battles with PTSD I slowly started to recognize that my own bizarre behaviors were “possibly” PTSD. I wasted over a year before I entered the Lyons PTSD Program. I have since taken the attitude that whenever I get care at the VA I am totally honest about my symptoms both physically and mentally. The best help is available only if the caregiver(s) and the doctor, nurse, technician, family, friends are honestly advised. Don’t be a hero; be a better patient.

Otto Espenschied 9th Infantry Division

“Old Reliables”

Call And/Or Text Contact Trees Many Veterans suffer from PTSD and other issues that cause isolation. When we isolate our issues take on a greater portion of our thinking and energy. I have found out that reaching out to another Veteran who shares the same issues as I do helps me get back to a calm state. If each of us creates a list of Vets to text or call on a weekly basis, we may be able to avoid isolating. Of course, if we are texting several others, we need to be on contact trees to keep us from isolating. The best outcome to hope for is that nobody is isolated. I have found that the longer I am out of touch with other Vets the easier it is to fall back to negative thoughts, feelings and even acting out. I know I must keep vigilant or my PTSD will be back in control. Assertive PTSD has never been a good thing in my life but seems so “RIGHT” at the time. No one understands PTSD better than someone who has acknowledged their problem and is actively in treatment. Contacting with that Veteran may be the fastest way to re-establish personal stability.

I lived for over 40 years before I sought help for my PTSD. I don’t want any other Veteran to be

“emotionally MIA” because they still isolate. Otto Espenschied

9th Infantry Division “Old Reliables”



Think You Can Communication shapes a person’s self-concept based on the content of the conversation. When two people of different education levels discuss an issue, the person that is not that well versed in the subject may feel less about themselves. However, it is the perfect time for this person to listen and learn. The person can then research the subject on their own, thus feeling more confident if the subject comes up again. I have been exposed to such feelings of insecurity when topics were unknown to me. But I learned early in life to keep searching for answers. My mother taught me to not just take someone’s opinion as the rule, but to explore the opinion on my own and draw my own conclusion. As an example, when I went through basic military training, my drill instructors thought that I was not cut out for the military, however my mother wrote letters of encouragement. I was determined to succeed and successfully retired as a senior non-commissioned officer.

William Thomas Defender



Penny Our family dog, Penny, had to be put down on October 7, 2016. It was the hardest decision my family had to make, but Penny was really suffering. Prior to making this decision we took Penny to the veterinarian. The doctor said that Penny was suffering from nerve damage in her back and legs and she would lose her quality of life. Well, our family did not want to accept that so we took her home to take care of her. We waited on Penny hand and foot for a week and it seemed that she was not getting any better, but getting worse. Penny was in our family for 14 wonderful years. It was hard for all of us to make a decision to put Penny down but we knew it was the best for her not to suffer anymore. After we put Penny down we went home and it was not the same. The house felt empty and we all felt so sad. Our hearts were very heavy. I wrote a poem that I would like to share with you. It felt good for me to put it on paper to heal my heavy heart:

Poem to our Loving and Wonderful Dog, Penny

It is so weird being home and Penny is not here I look on the couch where she used to sleep and she

is not there It hurts that Penny is not here

But I know she is not in pain anymore and not suffering

Penny went peacefully as if she fell asleep Our little girl Penny is in Heaven

AJ



Glutton for Punishment

Take a minute and try to understand why, Why we act as we do

Why we try to avoid and hide

Is it fear that serenades your emotions? Or is it deeper than that?

Is it the availability of the unknown That allows your mind to attack?

Masquerading behind images

Disguising who you are in self-defense Childhood experiences or sorrow that’s so dense

That not only is your image clouded But that things make no sense

Avoid, manipulate, deceive and stimulate

The regions of your brain That allow you to navigate

This tragic story that you denied as fate

Fight, abuse, deny, and continue to misuse All outlets in your repertoire

That allow you to constantly fuse Life’s misfortunes and the madness that ensues

Today is a different time

A different beast Alone, afraid

A failure at least.

Written 2006, April 27 Iraq, Baghdad Ojo Loco



Where is the Thrill?

I would love to live every day like it was my last Maybe that’s why I loved war,

Bullets flying, rocket blast The thought of enjoying every moment… is bliss

But at the cost of life, seem fair to me, nothin’ I would miss

No fear of death

No fear of that final breath Leaving my body

And allowing me to rest

I missed my moment Now I’m here with these pictures

Stuck in my mind I missed my chance

Now I live each day

Remembering what I left behind

Lost soul, lost mind All alone stuck behind

This invisible wall Identity/sanity I must find

Ojo Loco

Nightmare on My Street

Every time I lie down to sleep

I’m f***ing scared as hell It reminds me of being a kid

Watching Nightmare on Elm Street No escape, no relief Just constant thought

Of complete disbelief…

Never a night goes by

That my mind don’t cry And the thoughts inside

Try to hide From what I know is gonna come

A night full of past events That help me wither and die

Ojo Loco



Contributors:

A.J.

Otto Espenschied

Ojo Loco

William Thomas

If you have any questions or concerns or would like to receive future publications of this newsletter, please contact us at: [email protected].

stars and stripes veterans news - va nj health care · pdf filemay 2017 volume 5, issue 1...

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