spring 2013 2013.pdf · tuesday bridges 9-10 pm bereaved under 2 years tuesday ... calvert hospice...

Spring 2013

OUR MISSION When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends pro-vides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. For more information call Pat Pruss at 301-934-1688 or email [email protected], or call 1-800-TCF-7301. Visit our website at http://tcfsouthernmd.wallacecreations.net/

LOCAL NEWS

COPYRIGHT 2013, The Compassionate Friends, Inc.

Moving ?? New Address ?? No Longer Wish to Receive Our Newsletter ??

Please e-mail [email protected]

We are changing the frequency of our newsletter distribution

from every other month to a quarterly distribution.

The following schedule will be implemented starting with this

newsletter:

Spring (April, May, and June)

Summer (July, August, and September)

Autumn (October, November, and December)

Winter (January, February, and March)

The Compassionate Friends of Southern Maryland Spring 2013

Chapter Steering Committee

Chapter Leader Pat Pruss

301-753-4121 [email protected]

Newsletter Editor Pat Pruss (acting) 301-753-4121 [email protected]

Grp. Facilitator– Charles Co. Connie Gerhardt 301-373-4775

Charles Co. United Way Rep. Open

301-753-4121

Grp. Facilitator - Calvert Co. Carol Paschall

301-855-3068 [email protected]

Secretary Open

Treasurer Carol Paschall 301-855-3068 [email protected]

Calvert Co. United Way Rep. Open

______________________________________________

The Compassionate Friends of Southern Maryland

P.O. Box 1427 Prince Frederick, MD 20678

1-800-TCF-7301

http://www.wallacecreations.com/TCF_SOMD/

If anyone is interested in becoming a telephone friend,

contact Linda McInturff @ 301-274-9597 or

[email protected].

TCF Internet Chat Sessions http://www.compassionatefriends.org

Click on “Find Support”/ “Online Support” Monday 9 - 10 am P/G/S Monday 9-10 pm Bereaved One Year or Less

Monday 10-11 pm P/G/S

Tuesday 9-10 pm Bereaved Under 2 Years

Tuesday 9-10 pm Bereaved Over 2 Years

Tuesday 9-10 pm Survivors of Suicide

Wednesday 9 - 10 pm P/G/S

Wednesday 10 - 11 pm P/G/S

Thursday 8 - 9 pm No Surviving Children

Thursday 9 - 10 pm P/G/S

Friday 9-10 pm P/G/S

Friday 10-11 pm P/G/S

Saturday 9-10 pm P/G/S

Saturday 10-11pm P/G/S

Sunday 9-11 pm Pregnancy/Infant Loss

Sunday 9-10 pm P/G/S

P=Parents,G=Grandparents,S=Siblings

Last updated May 2013

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THANK YOU, TELEPHONE FRIENDS!

Sometimes we feel the need to talk to someone who

understands the pain we feel and will listen to us:

Pat Pruss (Auto Accident) 301-934-1688

Connie Gerhardt (Infant Death & Chronic Illness)301-373-4775

Lin Hayes ( Infant Death & Miscarriage ) 301-743-3508

Lisa Sperka (Suicide loss) 301-934-2614

Brandy Tulley (Infant loss) 240-434-8414

We are seeking your support to expand our list-

ing of telephone friends.

If anyone is interested in becoming a telephone friend, contact

Janet Sutton @ 301-932-7335

Chapter Steering Committee Chapter Leader Pat Pruss 301-934-1688 [email protected]

Newsletter Editor Janet and Rich Sutton 301-932-7335 [email protected]

Treasurer Carol Paschall 301-855-3068 [email protected]

Secretary Stephen Clay 301-812-1745 [email protected]

Librarian Janet Sutton 301-932-7335 [email protected]

Charles County Group. Facilitator Pat Pruss/Janet Sutton 301-934-1688 [email protected]

Charles Co. United Way Rep. Pat Pruss 301-934-1688 [email protected]

Calvert County Group Facilitator Carol Paschall 301-855-3068 [email protected]

Calvert Co. United Way Rep. Carol Paschall 301-855-3068 [email protected]

St. Mary’s Co. Group Facilitator Brandy Tulley 240-434-8414 [email protected]

OTHER GROUPS FOR GRIEF HEALING IN

SOUTHERN MARYLAND

CHILD BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT GROUPS

Next Session: October 1st – November 19th, 2009. Register by Sept. 19th

Bridges - For bereaved children, adolescents, aged 5-18,

and those adults who care for them. For info call:

Calvert Hospice 410/535-0892

Teen Phoenix Fall 2009 Overnight retreat for Teens 14 – 18, Grieving The Death Of A Loved One

Registration is required 410/535-0892

PG Co. Compassionate Friends - United Parish of

Bowie, 2nd Thursday of Month at 7:00 pm. 301-877-

3484

ADULT BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT GROUPS Calvert Hospice 410/535-0892, (301) 855-1226

Charles Hospice 301/934-1268

St. Mary’s Hospice 301-475-6423

Healing for Survivors of Suicide” 5:30pm to 7:30pm - 2nd and 4th Thursday of each month. Calvert Hospice Office, Prince Frederick

____________________________________________________

On-Line Grief Resources

GonetooSoon.org

GriefHaven.com

Our Website

Check us for meeting information, contacts

and to send us email

http://tcfsouthernmd.wallacecreations.net/

OTHER GROUPS FOR GRIEF HEALING IN

SOUTHERN MARYLAND

PG Co. Compassionate Friends - United Parish of

Bowie, 2nd Thursday of Month at 7:00 pm. 301-776-

3490 (please call to confirm info.)

ADULT BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT GROUPS Calvert Hospice 410-535-0892, 301-855-1226

Charles Hospice 301-861-5317

St. Mary’s Hospice 301-994-3023

____________________________________________________

On-Line Grief Resources

thehealingplaceinfo.org (for children/teens)

GonetooSoon.org

GriefHaven.com

www.azhomicidesurvivors.org

www.forsuicidesurvivors.com

Nationalshare.org (pregnancy and infant loss)

www.afsp.org (suicide prevention)

Our Website

Check us for meeting information, contacts

and to send us email

http://tcfsouthernmd.wallacecreations.net/

_________________________________

Compassionate Friends National Office

900 Jorie Blvd., Suite 78

Oak Brook, IL. 60523

1-(877)-969-0010

www.compassionatefriends.org

Regional Coordinator: Janet Sutton

[email protected]

301-932-7335


INCLEMENT WEATHER POLICY: Mtg. is cancelled if evening events are cancelled in that county.

Charles County Group Good Samaritan Presbyterian Church (Fellowship Hall)

For more information call Meets the 3rd Monday 13025 Good Samaritan Drive

Pat Pruss 301-934-1688 of the month at 7:30 p.m. Waldorf, MD (south Rt. 5 across

4-15, 5-20, and 6-17 from Billingsley Rd. next to

Grace Brethren Church) Calvert County Group Trinity Methodist Church (Parlor)

For more information call *Meets the 4th Monday 90 Church St.

Carol Paschall 301-855-3068 of the month at 7:30 p.m. Prince Frederick, MD

4-22 and 6-24 (no mtg in May ) (Rt. 231 East, crossover Rt. 4)

St. Mary’s County Group First Saints Community Church (Room #2) For more information call Meets the 2nd Thursday 25550 Point Lookout Rd

Brandy Tulley 240-434-8414 of the month at 7:00 p.m. Leonardtown, MD

4-11, 5-9, and 6-13 (On Rt. 5, just past Moakley St.,

on the left before St. Mary’s Hosp.)

MONTHLY MEETING SCHEDULE

THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS

......OUR CREDO.....

We need not walk alone...We are The

Compassionate Friends. We reach out with

love, with understanding, and with hope.

Our children have died at all ages and from

many different causes, but our love for our

children unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as

your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all

walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are

a unique family, because we represent many races and

creeds. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far

along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and

so intensely painful that we feel helpless and see no hope.

Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength;

some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are

angry; filled with guilt, or in deep depression; others

radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to

this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain

we will share just as we share with each other our love for

our children. We are all seeking and struggling to build a

future for ourselves, but we are committed to building that

future together as we reach out to each other in love and

share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well

as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and

help each other to grieve as well as to grow.

We need not walk alone. . .

We are The Compassionate Friends

Love Gifts

The Compassionate Friends have no

dues or fees. One way you can sup-

port us is with a love gift. Many fami-

lies make donations, usually in

memory of their children.

Thank you for the following Love

Gifts:

Charles & Elsie Tyler

In loving memory of their daughter

Heidi M. Tyler

Owen and Carolyn Roberson

In loving memory of their son

Dane Roberson


***OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED***

Chris Abell Son of Debbie Lopitz April 1973 to June 1997 Emily Allard Daughter of Natalie & Robert Allard May 1998 to May 2006 Ross Asher Son of Sandy and Alan Asher April 1984 to November 2003 Bobby Balint Son of Robin and Rob Balint May 1993 to March 2011 Warren Brenner Son of Eric and Jhenny Brenner April 1990 to September 2003 Nick Falco Son of Pat & Frank Pruss May 1983 to July 2005

Carin Gerhardt Daughter of David & Connie Gerhardt May 1978 to May 1978 Edward Horton Son of Martha and Russ Horton April 1955 to March 1989 Martha Horton Daughter of Martha and Russ Horton May 1953 to November 1975 Peter Krall Son of Lisa and Daniel Krall April 1999 to November 2000 Randa Nuwayhid Daughter of Rabab F. Saab May 1991 to September 2012 Seaven Jo Parent-Walker Son of Casie Jo Parent May 2007 to May 2007

Dane Roberson Son of Carolyn and Owen Roberson April 1978 to January 1994 Michael Sandy Son of Mary A. and Stephen R. Sandy April 1980 to November 2008 John William Leonard Son of Bill and Clarice June 1976 to April 2007 Richard Evan O'Brien Son of Gloria V. O'Brien June 1960 to July 1989 Carter Michael Wise Son of Alex Wise & Samantha Meekins June 2012 to June 2012 Jonathan Chapman Son of Lisa Chapman April 1991 to November 2007

SUNRISE Please accept our apologies in advance if we have any errors/omissions in the “Our Children Remem-

bered” section……...please call Janet Sutton @ 301-932-7335 and leave a message (include your phone number) so she can print a correction in the next newsletter and make our database manager aware of

the issue.


***OUR CHILDREN REMEMBERED***

SUNSET

Emily Allard Daughter of Natalie & Robert Allard May 1998 to May 2006 Claudia Allen Daughter of Katie and Eddie Bogan August 1997 to May 2008 Kenneth Bacon Son of Susan Bacon March 1983 to April 2007 Cole Brotherton Grandson of Pam and Alan Ritter September 2006 to April 2008 Rileigh Canlas Daughter of Cami and John Canlas December 2008 to May 2010 Gary Cook Son of Doris J. Hall and Tommy Cook March 1973 to May 1998 Carin Gerhardt Daughter of David and Connie Gerhardt May 1978 to May 1978 Taylor Hubbard Son of Kay and Wayne Hubbard November 1989 to May 2010 Elias Kabongo Son of Robert Kabongo & Loletha Walker Mbaya November 2008 to May 2012

Andrew King II Son of Andrew King I February 2008 to April 2009 John Leonard Son of Bill and Clarice June 1976 to April 2007 John McGovern Son of Virginia McGovern December 1948 to May 2004 Seaven Jo Parent-Walker Son of Casie Jo Parent May 2007 to May 2007 Jesse Sager Son of Mary Sager July 1985 to April 2009 John Stratchko Son of Alesia and James Stratchko December 1988 to May 2010 Austin Tulley Son of Brandy and Nick Tulley December 2008 to May 2009 Chris Abell Son of Debbie Lopitz April 1973 to June 1997 Elizabeth Paschall Daughter of Lamarr and Carol Anne Pas-chall October 1994 to May 1999

Zakiyah Renee Holland Daughter of Lakissha + Garfield Butler September 2006 to June 2012 Joseph “Joey” Husick III Son of Joseph and Andrea Husick January 1970 to June 2000 Patrick O’Brien Maddox Son of Dolores Maddox Morgan August 1958 to June 2001 Stephen Dale Mattingly, II Son of Shirley and Steve Mattingly August 1989 to June 1999 Brad Quashnie Son of Val Harner March 1986 to June 2004 Jack Gregory Rogers Son of Helen and Charles Rogers October 1953 to June 2001 Charlie Wheeler Son of Jeanette Wilkowski September 1977 to June 2005 Carter Michael Wise Son of Alex Wise & Samantha Meekins June 2012 to June 2012 Robert (Bobby) Ching Jr. Son of Linda and Carl McInturff and Rob-ert and Diane Ching November 1976 to April 1999

Please accept our apologies in advance if we have any errors/omissions in the “Our Children Remembered” section……...please call Janet Sutton @ 301-932-7335 (leave a message including your phone number) so she can print a correction in the next newsletter and make our data-

base manager aware of the issue.


Month of May Brings

Tears, Fond Memories

The month of May is a time of many memories and many tears for mothers who have lost a child to death. The memories are tied to our natural association of May as being the “Mother’s Day” month. We can’t escape the remind-ers. Second only to the Christmas season in commercialization, Mother’s Day is thrust at us in television commer-cials, billboards, radio spots, magazine/newspaper ads, special features/ local/national news shows, and each store we enter. Heart breaking, emotional, touching movies or television shows are aired in May in big part because of Mother’s Day. The reminders are endless. Our emotions build and build until we think we will snap.

Most of us have memories of happier Mother’s Days, time spent with our children opening their gifts and read-ing their special cards, talking, laughing and enjoying the moment. The counterpoint to our memories is that Mother’s Day intensifies the deep void that will always remain in our lives. In the words of one mother, “One day after my son had been gone for several months, I realized that this nightmare life is my life forever.” May is doubly difficult for this mother because of Mother’s Day and because her son died in May. May is doubly difficult for me as my son was born in May.

Even without a birth or death anniversary, May can be extremely stressful and sad. We enter the countdown on the first day of May. Some of us begin to improve after Mother’s Day passes, some of us can’t let go until the month ends. Some of us suffer lingering effects for several weeks or months.

My first Mother’s Day without my son was a horrifying time. No gifts, no cards, no call. I took all the cards he had given me for Mother’s Day and put them on my piano….the time honored place in our home for special occasion cards. My second Mother’s Day was different. I simply refused to acknowledge it. My husband gave me a card and a small gift, and we left it at that. A few tears, but we decided to relax and do things that would keep us away from the Mother’s Day celebrations.

This will be my eleventh Mother’s Day without my son. I do miss him terribly; there will be no replacement for that relationship in my life. Unlike losing a parent, a spouse, a grandparent, a sibling or a friend, the loss of our child means the loss of a big part of ourselves. That is our new reality. What will I do this Mother’s Day? I don’t really know, but it will dawn on me that I should do one thing or another.

What you do this Mother’s Day is your choice. You owe no explanation to anyone. As we walk through this grief of losing our children, we owe no explanations. Our love for our dead children lingers; and in that love, is a good-ness and purity that allows us to gently be ourselves. Our emotions are not intended to offend; but sometimes the pain is so overpowering that we must block out the world; and sometimes we are able to overcome it. I will handle it in the best way I can. So will you.

Submitted by: Annette Mennen Baldwin

In memory of her son, Todd Mennen

TCF, Katy, TX

Father’s Day…Men Do Cry

I heard quite often “men don’t cry” though no one ever told me why; so when I fell and skinned a knee, no

one came to comfort me. When some bully boy at school would pull a prank so mean or cruel, I’d quickly

learn to turn and quip “it doesn’t hurt” and bite my lip. So as I grew to reasoned years, I learned to stifle any

tears. Though “be a big boy”, it began quite soon; I learned to “be a man”. I could play that stoic role while

storm and tempest wracked my soul. No pain, no setback could there be wrest one single tear from me. Then

one long night, I stood nearby and helplessly watched my son die and quickly found to my surprise that all

that tearless talk were lies. Still I cry and have no shame; I cannot play that “big boy” game. Openly without

remorse, I let my sorrow take its course. So those of you who can’t abide a man you’ve seen who’s often

cried, reach out to him with all your heart as one whose life has been torn apart. For men do cry! When they

can see their loss of immortality. Tears will come in endless streams when mindless fate destroys their

dreams.

Submitted by: Ken Falk, TCF NW Connecticut Chapter


NATIONal news

Registration Now Open for the 2013 TCF National Conference

It seems like everyone has been anxiously awaiting the start of registration for the 36th TCF National Conference July 5

-7 in Boston. That time has arrived and online registrations have kicked into high gear. To register for the "Beacon of

Love - Rays of Hope" TCF National Conference, go to www.compassionatefriends.org., hover your cursor on "News &

Events" and click on TCF 2013 National Conference.

Once on the national conference page, besides the link to register, you can download a complete registration brochure

(PDF) which will allow you to learn about everything that will be happening at the conference including the complete

2013 Conference Schedule. There will be over 110 workshops covering most topics related to grief after the death of a

child, four great keynote speakers, sharing sessions, a complete sibling program, butterfly boutique, memory boards,

two banquets, several "meet and greets," as well as a Reflection Room and a Bookstore. Plan to bring a picture of your

child, sibling, or grandchild and have a free picture button made by our new button man, Ken Seibert.

There will be numerous authors at the conference so plan to catch the "author's hour" where you'll be able to talk with

them and have them sign your books. For those who speak Spanish as their native language, there will be a special

workshop and sharing session July 4. While there will be plenty of great entertainment at: the Opening, the Friday af-

ternoon and Saturday evening banquets, and the closing; don't miss the opportunity to hear an outstanding vocal group

Friday evening, the East Coast Acappella which is "a performance oriented vocal group of professional entertainers,

established to provide quality entertainment 'beyond' the average."

Don't forget to plan to watch the fireworks Thursday, July 4. Boston is known for its phenomenal display which you

will be able to see from some hotel rooms, or by taking a short walk to the river.

If you wish to register by mail, you can use the form in the registration brochure; although it will be much easier to reg-

ister online. If you are unable to access the national conference brochure by computer, feel free to call the National Of-

fice at 877-969-0010 M-F 9-5 CST and request one.

Help Make TCF's Conference Even Better by Participating in a $19,000 Matching Grant

Thanks to a group of TCF families, you have the opportunity to really help make the National Conference

even better by participating in a just announced challenge grant. This means that every dollar donated prior to

the extended June 15, 2013 deadline will be doubled up to a total of $19,000.

To qualify for matching, an individual donation must be:

1) Separate from, or in addition to, contributions to already available sponsorship opportunities listed in the

Registration Brochure.

2) In an amount of $50 or more.

Donations may be made by personal or business check with memo "2013 conference match" and sent to: The

Compassionate Friends, PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522 or a credit card may be used through TCF's na-

tional website at www.compassionatefriends.org (just click on any DONATE button and use the linked dona-

tion page). On the second page, in the comment box, write "2013 conference match." Please include your

name and the name of the person in whose memory the donation is being made. Unless you request other-

wise, sponsorship information will be included in the program book. Thank you for helping us to make this

conference an even better event!.


Newsletter Submittals: (We accept Photos!)

If you have articles, poems, or other non-copyrighted information for the newsletter, please sub-

mit them to Janet Sutton at the address listed below or send an e-mail to [email protected].

To honor your child on those special dates, we also accept a picture accompanied by a short article

about your child to feature in that newsletter. It is suggested that you e-mail your picture and

article to Janet Sutton at the above e-mail address. If you are unable to e-mail your photo,

please include a self-addressed stamped envelope (with the appropriate postage) so that your photo

may be returned to you. Please do not send your only copy of the photo.

We love to receive original articles or poems, but we do ask for permission to edit them if needed.

Although normally not a problem, pictures and articles are published on a first-come, first-serve

basis. The mailing address is:

The Compassionate Friends of Southern Maryland

P. O. Box 1427

Prince Frederick, MD 20678

Written articles, pictures, and/or donations for a specific month must be received by Dec. 15

for inclusion in the Jan.-March issue, by March 15 for inclusion in the April-June issue, by

June 15 for inclusion in the July-Sept. issue, and by Sept. 15 for inclusion in the Oct.-Dec. is-

sue.

To make a donation in memory of your child, please complete the form below and send it along

with your donation to Carol Paschall at the address above.

To update your original submission for your child’s name in “Our Children Remembered” page,

complete and return the form below to Pat Pruss at the address above. All information will be kept

confidential.

Name of Child/ren: ____________________________________________________________

Date of Birth:______________________ Date of Death: ___________________________

Name of Parents: ______________________________________________________________

Mailing Address:______________________________________________________________

City: __________________________ State: ____________ Zip Code: _________________

Telephone number: ______________________ E-mail address: _____________________

Siblings: ____________________________________________________________________

________ I/We would like to volunteer my/our time.

________ I/We are making this donation in memory of my/our child/ren.

________ Please acknowledge it in the newsletter in the month of ___________________

________ I/We do not want the donation acknowledged.

IS THIS A CHANGE OF ADDRESS ? CIRCLE : YES NO


SIBLING PAGE ... SIBLINGS WALKING TOGETHER ...

(Formerly The Sibling Credo)

We are the surviving children of The Compassionate

Friends. We are brought together by the deaths of our

brothers and sisters. Open your hearts to us. Sometimes

we need the support of our friends. At other times we

need our families to be there. Sometimes we feel we must

walk alone, taking our memories with us, continuing to

become the individuals we want to be. We cannot be our

deceased brother or sister; however, a special part of

them lives on with us.

When our brothers and sisters died, our lives changed.

We are living a life very different from what we

envisioned, and we feel the responsibility to be strong

even when we feel weak. Yet, we can go on because we

understand better than many others the value of family

and the precious gift of life. Our goal is not to be the

forgotten mourners that we sometimes are, but to walk

together to face our tomorrows as surviving children of

The Compassionate Friends.

Another Milestone

I recently faced another milestone in my life. I

graduated from college. It was an eventful day

that was highly anticipated; but yet, the day was

lacking in some respects. It wasn’t the weather, it

was a beautiful day; it wasn’t the party afterward,

either. It was the fact that my brother George was

not here to celebrate with me. I have faced other

milestones without George, and not by choice.

He was such a big part of my life growing up that

it has been strange celebrating anything without

him. He was there when I had my first boy/girl

party. He was there when I went on my first date.

George watched me go to my first semiformal

dance, too. But years have gone by since I have

been able to share any joy over my accomplish-

ments with George. I know he is watching over

me and somewhere in an empty chair on the col-

lege green, he smiled and cheered when they

called my name.

Submitted by: LeeAnn Martelli, Sibling Leader,

TCF Cumberland Co, NJ

Springtime

If there were a time I had to choose to say goodbye, it would most

certainly not be in the Spring. No, Spring is a time of new life,

beginnings, and sweetness; a time I remember with her as special,

dying Easter eggs and dressing up. Spring would not have been a

choice. Neither could Summer have been a choice. Summer was

the season she worshipped the sun and the ocean; when her lovely

young body turned golden. No, Summer would not have been a

choice. How about Fall? No, I think not. Fall is the time for re-

flection, personal growth, preparation, and beautiful colors. She

was so much a part of the colors. Fall would not have been the

time to say goodbye. Winter could certainly not be a choice. She

loved to play in the snow and was learning to ski. She was always

excited over the holidays. She made Winter fun in its often dreary

state. No, Winter could not have been a choice. There is no sea-

son I could have chosen to say goodbye to her. I will remember

her in all seasons. It was in the Spring I had to say goodbye and I

see her in every blossom. I hear her laughter in every sweet

breeze. She will always be Springtime and I will remember.

Submitted by: Kerry Marston, TCF Mesa County

spring 2013 2013.pdf · tuesday bridges 9-10 pm bereaved under 2 years tuesday ... calvert hospice...

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