FATHER JAMES FLAVIN, M.A., M.DIV.,

LMHC

SAINT JOHNVIANNEY CENTER

151 WOODBINE ROAD

DOWNINGTOWN, PA. 19335

Spirituality: Fuel for the Mind and Body

All content has been prepared by the Saint John Vianney Center (SJVC). It has been provided for your own use and is not to be reproduced, altered or distributed

without permission from SJVC.

Pastores Dabo Vobis

March 25, 1992

“I Will Give You Shepherds”

Four pillars

Priestly Formation

Pages 42-69

Pillar I

Pages 43-44

• Human

• Love of truth, to be loyal, respect every person,

sense of justice, true to their word,

compassionate, integrity, balanced in judgment

and behavior

• Affective maturity

Pillar II

Pages 45-50

• Spiritual

• Human formation only happens when a person is

open to transcendence

• Prayer is primary role

• Daily mass – Liturgy of the Hours

• Celibacy is a gift – makes priest loving

Pillar III

Pages 51-56

• Intellectual

• Rational thought

• Must read

• Ability to articulate

Pillar IV

Pages 57-59

• Pastoral

• Being a Shepherd

• Work is divine

• Primarily to help people to salvation

Important for Human Formation:What is Emotional Intelligence ?

Emotional Intelligence:

• SELF- AWARENESS

• SELF REGULATION

• SOCIAL AWARENESS

• SOCIAL SKILLS

Self-Awareness

Emotional self-awareness

Accurately assessing one’s own feelingsoWhat are your “triggers” for anger or joy?

oDo you understand how your family of origin impacted your life:

• How you resolve conflict.

• How you express anger

Self Regulation

Emotional Self-Control: a key aspect of Affective Maturity

Self Discipline

Delay of Gratification

Social Awareness

Empathy

Awareness of how others are responding to you

Social Skills

•Developing others

•Leadership

•Conflict management

•Teamwork & Collaboration

The Power of Connection

“ CONNECTION IS WHY WE’RE HERE. WE ARE HARDWIRED TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS, IT’S WHAT GIVES PURPOSE AND MEANING TO OUR

LIVES, AND WITHOUT IT, THERE IS SUFFERING.”

-Brene’ Brown, Daring Greatly

CONNECTION

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

― Brené Brown, Ph.D.

Why is Connection so Important?

Major factors for a priest’s healthy emotional and relational life are, appropriate Companionship, Friendship, and

Intimacy …

• Intimacy: being known by another and requires a willingness to disclose one’s self to another.

• Companionship: may not involve deep levels of intimacy but will allow a priest to be himself and be with others without the distraction and anxiety of the ministerial role. A healthy relational life includes at least one person who knows us as well as we know ourselves and can offer us honest feedback with unconditional acceptance.

IsolationIsolation presents real danger…

“We believe that the most terrifying and destructive feeling that a person can experience is psychological isolation. This is not the same as being alone. It is a feeling that one is locked out of the possibility of human connection and of being powerless to change the situation. In the extreme, psychological isolation can lead to a sense of hopelessness and desperation. People will do almost anything to escape this combination of condemned isolation and powerlessness.”

(J.B. Miller & I. Striver, 1997)

Isolation

“…Reactions to this desperate need to escape from isolation and fear can run the gamut from numbing to addiction, depression, self-injury, eating disorders, bullying, violence, and suicide.”

• Because we are hardwired for connection, disconnection always creates pain.

• Feeling disconnected can be a normal part of life and relationships, but if we believe we’re disconnected because we are not worthy of connection, it creates a pain that we want to NUMB.

From Dr. Martin Seligman’s PERMA model

RELATIONSHIPS: Positive psychology is about other people and the quality of our relationships with them. Social relationships are vital. Building positive relationships with parents, siblings, peers, and friends brings joy and provides support in hard times.

What are Quality Relationships?

Who encourages healthy habits, good feelings? Who is supportive? Who

inspires you?

INTIMACY

“Your task is not to seek intimacy but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

-RUMI

Research suggests that pain centers in our brains become activated when we are at risk of being isolated.

Loneliness is Toxic and has been likened to smoking 16 packs of cigarettes a day

The Power of Connection

And so Community is vital to our growth, for both communities and individuals.

We help each other become who God wants us to be

What is AWE?

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AWE… is more than an emotion; it is a way of understanding. Awe is itself an act of insight into a meaning greater than ourselves…awe enables us to perceive in the world intimations of the devine, to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance, to sense the ultimate in the common and the simple.

Rabbi Joshua Heschel

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED

AWE?

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The emotion of transcendence, a feeling of admiration and elevation in the face of something greater than the self

“Wonder pulls us together-a counterforce to all that seems to be tearing us apart”

AWE AS DEFINED BY UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA RESEARCHERS

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Recent research shows that in the wake of marvel, people feel more connected to their social groups and motivated to act for the greater good.

Michio Kaku -theoretical physicist

“Awe gives you an existential shock. You realize that you are hardwired to be a little selfish, but you are also dependent on something bigger than yourself….”

We have a “ strong desire for staggering, eye-opening insights, a craving for awe in a jaded world.”

THE LINK BETWEEN EXPOSURE TO NATURE AND WELL-BEING IS STRONG

• Immune system boost

• Improved cognitive functioning (attention span, for example)

•City dwellers who visit nature-rich environments see an immediate reduction in stress hormones

• Increase in prosocial behavior

“Learn, too, to be grateful…” (Colossians 3:16)

The Value of Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude

Gratitude

•The Lord Be with you

* And Also with you

• Lift up your hearts

* We lift them up to the Lord

•Let us give thanks to Lord our God

* It is right and just

St. Ignatius

“It seems to me, in light of the divine Goodness, …that ingratitude is one of the things most worthy of detestation before our Creator and Lord, and before all creatures capable of divine and everlasting glory, out of all the evil and sins which can be imagined. For it is the failure to recognize the good things, the graces, and the gifts received. As such, it is the cause, beginning, and origin of all evil and sins”

(cited and referenced in Consoling the Heart of Jesus, page 421).

Gratitude…

“What most attracts God’s grace is gratitude, because if we thank him for a gift, he is touched and hastens to give us ten more, and if we thank him again with the same enthusiasm, what an incalculable multiplication of graces! I have experienced this; try it yourself and you will see! My gratitude for everything he gives me is limitless, and I prove it to him in a thousand ways”

Therese of Lisieux

(The Way of Trust And Love, p.111)

Research on Gratitude: McCullough et al.(2002)

Highly grateful people, compared to their less grateful counterparts, tend to:

Experience positive emotions more often, enjoy greater life satisfaction and more hope, score higher on measures of prosociality, are more empathetic, forgiving, hopeful and supportive.

They tend to experience less depression, anxiety, envy, and are less fcused on materialistic pursuits. They are also more spiritually and religiously oriented.

Gratitude,Resentment, and Appreciation Test (GRAT)Watkins et al. (2003) have drawn similar conclusions

A self report measure that conceptualizes dispositional gratitude as a combination of four characteristics:

1. Acknowledgement of the importance of expressing and experiencing gratitude

2. Lack of resentment with respect to benefits received (the person feels a sense of abundance in his life rather than deprivation)

3. Appreciation for the contributions of others

4. Appreciation for simple pleasures (sunsets, snow flakes, seasons-happen frequently) rather than extravagant pleasures (vacations, cars—happen infrequently)

The Gratitude-Challenged

• Scholars have suggested that a number of attitudes are incompatible with a grateful outlook on life, including perceptions of victimhood (Seligman, 2002), an inability to admit to shortcomings (Solomon, 2002), a sense of entitlement (McWilliams & Lependorf, 1990), envy and resentment (Etchegoyen & Nemas, 2003), and an overemphasis on materialistic values (Kasser, 2002).

• A major personality variable that is likely to thwart gratitude is Narcissism (Watkins et al., 2003)

Outcomes of a grateful disposition

GRATITUDE CAN BE CULTIVATED

• Life satisfaction

• Optimism

• More volunteerism

• Happiness

• Lower anxiety and depression

• Less envy/possessiveness

SAVORING

De la Rochefoucauld, 1694

“Happiness does not consist in things themselves but in the relish we have

of them”

Smell the Roses

Focused Awareness

Resilient People take things in:

Moment-to-Moment

(Spend Time-take it in)

Concrete Reminders to savor the moment

The problem of habituation

WHAT IS SAVORING?

“ A process in which you engage in thoughts or behaviors that generate, intensify, or prolong the enjoyment of positive experience”-

(Bryant & Veroff, 2006)

WHAT IS JOY?

• Popularly understood, Joy is a particular type of happiness, A FEELING, an intensified or long-lasting delight. Clear as a bell- Everyone would like to have it.

HOW DO WE GET IT?

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Joy is a fundamental disposition toward God…What characterizes Christian joy in contrast to happiness lies in its ability to exist even in the midst of suffering, because joy has less to do with emotion and more to do with belief…

Donald Saliers

Belief as thoughts?

Caryll Houselander

“No one can be so recollected, so tranquil, that he can be a contemplative in the world, a contemplative of Christ in his own heart, unless at the very outset he finds a cure for fear…”

“There is only one cure for fear-trust in God.”

TRUST

HAPPINESS vs. JOYHAPPINESS:

EXTERNAL

SITUATIONAL: BASED ON SITUATIONS, EVENTS, PEOPLE, PLACES, THINGS, AND THOUGHTS.

LINKED TO: “When I get ordained, when I get to be pastor of that church, when I lose ten pounds, when I get better, when the bishop starts changing and treating me right, when the bishop retires, when I have enough money….and on and on

FUTURE ORIENTED: Puts all its eggs in someone else’s basket. Hitches your wagon to someone else’s. Dependent on outside situations that are often outside of your control.

Chronic unhappiness leads to despair and depression.

HAPPINESS vs. JOY

JOY: IS NOT EXTERNAL!

It cannot be bought

It is NOT conditional on someone else’s behavior

It is NOT conditional on an event, a feeling, situations, people, things, or thoughts.

JOY IS NOT CONTINGENT ON ANYTHING IN ORDER TO EXIST

JOY TRAVELS WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO

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A sad nun is a bad nun. I am more afraid of one unhappy sister than a crowd of evil spirits.

St. Teresa of Avila

“ From somber devotions and sour-faced saints, good Lord, deliver us.”

WHY ARE WE NATURALLY DRAWN TO JOYFUL PEOPLE ?

WHY ARE WE NATURALLY DRAWN TO JOYFUL PEOPLE ?

Joy is a sign of God’s presence, which is naturally attractive to us

We are drawn to Joy because we are drawn to God

David and the Ark