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SOUTHERN PRIDE: 6 ATLANTA MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQCOMMUNITY REFLECT ON LOVE'S NEW ERA

November 5, 2015 · PEOPLE, OCT15

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On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled in favor ofmarriage equality, finally legalizing same-gender unions. Millions of committedpartners could now enjoy all the rights and privileges they deserved. Here, thereflections of prominent Southern members of the LGBTQ community on whatmarriage, equality and commitment mean to them in a victorious new era for lovein all its many forms.

AS TRUE OF MOST AMERICAN TEENAGERS, MY INTRODUCTIONTO SHAKESPEARE BEGAN IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. JUST A SAMPLINGHERE AND THERE TO START … SOME FAMOUS QUOTATIONS,MEMORABLE ACTS FROM THE MAJOR PLAYS, A SELECTION OFSONNETS IN THE POETRY UNIT. NOTHING TOO AGGRESSIVE. IT WASDURING THIS OBLIGATORY COMMON CURRICULUM THAT I FIRSTREAD SONNET 116.

I’m sure many classmates glazed over the poem, filing it away as an exampleto be regurgitated onto a test paper when queried about quatrains,couplets and iambic pentameter. But I devoured 116, struck by it’s tenderlypragmatic tone amidst so many other flowery idyllic verses swirlingthrough the textbooks.

Those words stayed with me, lodged in my brain as a weighty balance tothe sappy song lyrics accompanying adolescent angst and college romances.The lines murmured in my subconscious when friends began to marry andwedding weekends dotted my agenda. I frequently offered up a Sonnet 116recitation as a toast to happy couples, never failing to grow misty-eyed as Iuttered the familiar rhymes.

SONNET 116LET ME NOT TO THE MARRIAGE OF TRUE MINDSADMIT IMPEDIMENTS. LOVE IS NOT LOVE

WHICH ALTERS WHEN IT ALTERATION FINDS,OR BENDS WITH THE REMOVER TO REMOVE:O, NO! IT IS AN EVER-FIXED MARK,THAT LOOKS ON TEMPESTS AND IS NEVER SHAKEN;IT IS THE STAR TO EVERY WANDERING BARK,WHOSE WORTH'S UNKNOWN, ALTHOUGH HIS HEIGHT BE TAKEN.LOVE'S NOT TIME'S FOOL, THOUGH ROSY LIPS AND CHEEKSWITHIN HIS BENDING SICKLE'S COMPASS COME;LOVE ALTERS NOT WITH HIS BRIEF HOURS AND WEEKS,BUT BEARS IT OUT EVEN TO THE EDGE OF DOOM.IF THIS BE ERROR AND UPON ME PROVED,I NEVER WRIT, NOR NO MAN EVER LOVED.

I met my future husband at one such wedding weekend. At an intimategathering in rural Vermont, we were seated together at the reception ofmutual friends. I lived in Manhattan at the time and he, a Detroit native,had recently been transferred to Atlanta. We connected instantly, starteddating long distance, and became engaged about 6 months later.

Our friends and family delighted in the union, remarking jovially that thewhirlwind courtship fit our personalities and celebrated our commitment.Despite the brevity of our relationship and the vast differences in ourbackgrounds, no one uttered a single voice of dissension. When wemarried in 2000, we exchanged token gifts the night before the wedding —he gave me elegant earrings and I presented to him a watch engraved on theback with simply “Sonnet 116”. Even now, I reflect on 116 as a reminder ofthe natural ebb and flow in every relationship and, at the times I most wantto mutiny, the words urge me to consider all the storms we’ve weathered.

Ultimately, Sonnet 116 echoes a timeless sentiment about marriage - thatwe reach for a partner on this life journey, longing to connect with eachother fully, honoring differences, learning from strengths and weaknesses.

Once all the passions and idealism fades, that partner remains with us ondeck ready to enjoy the sea breezes or secure a life preserver. Sure,sometimes we jump ship, dock the schooner or hurl ourselves overboard,

but generally speaking, at some time in our lives we’ll drop an anchor forlove.

ON JUNE 26, 2015, THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATESRULED IN FAVOR OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY, FINALLY LEGALIZINGA SAME-GENDER UNION FOR MILLIONS OF COMMITTEDPARTNERS. PARTNERS THAT HAD ‘LOOK[ED] ON TEMPESTS’ FORDECADES, CLINGING TO EACH OTHER TIGHTLY, COULD NOW ENJOYALL THE RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES THEY DESERVED. I WEPT AS I VIEWEDTHE NEWS COVERAGE, OVERCOME WITH PRIDE FOR OUR NATIONAND JOY FOR THOSE FREED BY THE LEGISLATION.

A mere 48 hours later, my husband and I attended Chef Art Smith’s 101Gay Weddings celebration at the InterContinental Buckhead Atlanta, alsothe location of Chef Art’s acclaimed Southern Art and Bourbon Bar. Awedding extravaganza for 101 same-sex couples, this event bestowed asophisticated ceremony and luxurious reception to lucky social mediacampaign winners -- and featured some of the top chefs in the Southbringing their best food and drink to toast the couples with a heartyexclamation of “Love WINS!”

Once again, I found myself crying happy tears most of the day and, thistime, I caught my husband welling up at certain moments -- particularly asthe MLB’s Billy Bean officiated and we noted the jubilant kiss of adecorated soldier exchanging rings. I nudged him at one point, offering atissue, and he took it, then grabbed my hand and whispered, “Do you feelthe energy here? This is truly incredible, isn’t it?” The entire venueradiated love -- blissful, exuberant, fervent, dedicated L-O-V-E.

DRIVING HOME, I CONFESSED TO MY HUSBAND THAT I COULDN’TSAY FOR SURE WHETHER OR NOT I’D FELT LIKE THAT ON OUR OWNWEDDING DAY. HE LOOKED AT ME CONFUSED, UNTIL I CLARIFIEDTHAT WE’D HAD ZERO OBSTACLES ON OUR WAY TO THE ALTAR. ALLWE’D EVER HEARD ABOUT OUR OWN UNION WERECOMMENDATIONS THAT WE’RE “PERFECTLY MATCHED” AND“EQUALLY YOKED”. NO ONE HAD EVER PROTESTED MY RIGHT TOCHOOSE HIM, AND I WONDERED ALOUD HYPOTHETICALLY HOW IT

WOULD HAVE IMPACTED OUR LIVES IF WE’D EXPERIENCED ASTRUGGLE TO UNITE IN MATRIMONY.

That question tingling in my heart, I decided to ask a few local friends andcolleagues to express their feelings about having the freedom to marrywhomever they want -- I asked them to try to tell me how it feels to havethat burden diminished.

TIFFANIE BARRIERETENDER OF THE BAR, ONE FLEW SOUTH RESTAURANT

"To Love is life. To know that love has been understood and respectednation wide is an amazing thing. Marriage being respected on differentlevels and granted with government eyes is like the Stevie Wonder song“Ribbon in the Sky” and I'm blessed to be alive to witness nuptials andribbons in the sky for many.

I share the lyrics of Stevie Wonder’s 'Ribbon in the Sky' … one of myfavorites. Oh so long for this night I prayedThat a star would guide you my wayTo share with me this special dayWhere a ribbon's in the sky for our loveIf allowed may I touch your handAnd if pleased may I once againSo that you too will understandThere's a ribbon in the sky for our loveThis is not a coincidenceAnd far more than a lucky chanceBut what is that was always meantIs our ribbon in the sky for our love, loveWe can't lose with God on our sideWe'll find strength in each tear we cryFrom now on it will be you and IAnd our ribbon in the skyRibbon in the skyA ribbon in the sky for our love"

BRIAN CLOWDUSFOUNDER EXECUTIVE/ARTISTIC DIRECTOR, SERENBE PLAYHOUSE

"In a few years people are going to look back and think how silly it was thatMarriage Equality was even a thing... the same way that it's hard to believethere was a time when segregation existed and women couldn't vote. [TheSCOTUS decision] was cornerstone in American history and one that Iwill remember forever. Although I haven't found time to actively look for ahusband with my career, it's something that as a hopeless romantic I oneday long for ... and how amazing that it's now something I can do anywhereand have recognized nationally and not just in certain states! So, yes now Ican get married in the Redneck Riviera that is Panama City Beach (myfavorite place on earth AND nobody can say a damn thing about it!)Reception to follow at the world famous Tiki Bar of course... I guess Ishould start an application process for this hubby?"

KIRSTEN OTTFOUNDER & EDITORIAL DIRECTOR OF EQUALLY WED

"I was on the SCOTUS blog following the case closely on June 26, 2015.Every second that ticked by was a moment I let out another slow breath,waiting. I report on marriage equality in my work — I run a weddingmagazine for LGBTQ couples called Equally Wed [equallywed.com], whichfor the past six years has naturally been a political engine as well, coveringthe ins and outs on marriage equality. And we still are, for there are stillcourt battles in this country as well as other countries.

I was stunned when the decision came through that we'd won. I paused foronly one full pregnant moment to enjoy … we were victorious, the tearspushed out like fish bowls in my eyes, but didn't spill over. I had work to doto get my story out. I even beat George Takei with my featured article onEqually Wed's Facebook page (luckily I'd written it the night before,preparing for the win).

Once I'd shared it in all the right places, I was busy chatting with myfriends on social media when my wife walked into my office. She clearlyhad no idea. I'd forgotten to say anything to her in the midst of my busy-ness to tell our community, and I felt so silly and wrong! I stood up and wekissed. Then we decided to shut down our computers and head out to along lunch to celebrate. We ordered bubbly and told the server [the newsupdate] — he brought us an even nicer bottle of bubbly and told us abouthis sister and her partner and how he was going to call to congratulatethem … and we were just on cloud nine. We were having a MOMENT.

Our online magazine is small in the grand scheme of media, but large inthat we're serving a small community; we have 70,000 monthly visitors. Welaunched six years ago to give LGBTQ couples more visibility because, atthat time, traditional wedding magazines were not honoring our types ofcouples … Now they are, and it is lovely to see. We've served our purposein helping people see how love is love and we deserve to be recognizedequally, as well as teaching wedding professionals the intrinsic nuances ofworking with LGBTQ couples.

My partner and I have had two weddings — one in Georgia in 2009 and onein New York, the state where we legally married in 2011 — and we have

twin sons. In Georgia, where we reside, my wife had to legally adopt ourown children. She had to pay a lot of money to do this. In Georgia, I had tostand before a judge to take her last name (though I still use mineprofessionally). Everywhere we travel, we have to carry thick paperwork tomake sure we aren't prevented from all going together into a hospital, tomake sure we can each make decisions for our children, to make tons ofother decisions that heterosexual married couples take for granted. Nowthat our New York marriage is legally recognized in Georgia, my wife and Ican breathe a little easier. So we had most of our legal protections intact,but we have had to pay through the nose for them.

What changes now for us is that society will hopefully now start looking atus more as equals. I'm aware we've earned more allies in the last 20 yearsthan ever before. But now we have marriage equality on the books. I feel sovalidated. Like our love and commitment is just as valued and respected asthat of a hetero couple."

CHEF ART SMITH

CELEBRITY CHEF, AWARD-WINNING COOKBOOK AUTHOR,HUMANITARIAN & PHILANTHROPIST. EXECUTIVE CHEF AND CO-

OWNER OF SEVERAL AMERICAN RESTAURANTS, INCLUDINGATLANTA’S SOUTHERN ART AND BOURBON BAR

Chef Smith responded directly to Sonnet 116:

“'Oh no! its an ever fixed mark …'

Love is the center of every great passion-filled moment whether personal,vocational or cultural. To deny it is to not allow a person to breath… tonot experience life's great actions [which] sustain place and heart. Todefine love is to limit its universal force to join others [and] to do good.

For a world without love is a world without soul.

Let's not define it, let's experience for ourselves and share."

JOE SUTTONCNN NEWS EDITOR, GLAAD ATLANTA LEADERSHIP COUNCIL

MEMBER

"No longer a topic of concern in 'the land of the free and home of thebrave.' The free land is now just that. Not all issues have been cured but weno longer have a select few promise lands (states) to determine the right tosay 'I DO.' We the People were created equally. Now every state 'from sea to shiningsea' erases the pain and hardship from our hearts. It is a joyous feeling toknow I can now say marriage … goodbye ‘gay’ marriage. As a child, I alwaysdreamt of my wedding, oh that big white cake, the rings and the twoprince’s standing before whoever shall be present. But little did I know asthat child that was not an option. Now as an adult who fully understandssociety and now the catalyst of change, courtesy of the courts in 2015, I canbe man and man in my home state of Georgia because it was always on mymind. It doesn’t have to a midnight train to Georgia in fear. Our train canride the rails in the sunny blue skies, proudly, with the freedom bellsringing."

DINO THOMPSON-SARMIENTO CEO & FOUNDER, SPOTTED BLUE AGENCY

"The day marriage equality came to pass in the U.S. far more was gainedthan the 1,138 rights and benefits attached [to the legislation]. This was arebirth of patriotism and gave us a sense of being welcomed into Americansociety as true citizens. We weren't fighting to justify our love, or even for achurch wedding … we fought for rights protecting us as a family.

Six years ago, we faced one of our biggest challenges as cancer threatenedMark’s life. We were lucky our families and medical care team accepted ourunion; we did not have to deal with the additional adversity so many othercouples have faced. I was able to be his advocate and make critical medicaland financial decisions on his behalf. Thankfully, we were able to battle thecancer as a team and now he’s in full remission.

This summer, we decided to celebrate our union in a public forum at the101 Gay Weddings in Atlanta because we felt our love story needed to beshared— hopefully helping to change hearts and minds. We have ferventlyfought for our rights by serving on various boards in honor of the manysoldiers, both men and women, who died seeking equality for themselves.They died by the hand of bigots, or from suicide, or AIDS, or drug/alcoholabuse — reasons symptomatic of a society living in fear. Hence, we felt aresponsibility attached to this great day to go as public as we could to helpcelebrate not only the rights gained but also to celebrate the countless liveslost.

Our hope as we look towards the future is that the focus shifts to theauthenticity of love and family and away from misguided perception aboutwhat love and family should look like. A white picket fence and 2.5children does not define all of America — this is a melting pot wheregrandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors and friends comprise 'family'. Ittakes a village to nurture a healthy society and we are part of it."

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