beth.agnew@gmail.com https://groups.google.com/d/forum/stc15-solving-people-problems

Solving People Problems

10 Tips for Handling Difficult People 1. Be respectful and professional. Keep your emotions under control. Use neutral language.

2. Focus on the facts or principles of a situation and not the people. Don’t argue thoughts, feelings

or perceptions.

3. Have direct conversations in a spirit of problem-solving and teamwork.

4. Pick your battles. How important is it that you address this situation? Now?

5. Identify the desired outcome. Be sure you are clear on what you want to have happen.

6. Agree to disagree but still work collaboratively. You don’t need consensus, just cooperation.

7. Let go of your personal agenda for the good of the team.

8. Be forgiving, and release negative feelings so they don’t fester inside you.

9. Confront errors, criticism, unfairness, bullying. Call it out into the light of day. 10. Escalate the situation to management or get help if you aren’t successful solving it yourself.

People are busy, stressed, oblivious, and thoughtless. They may not have meant to cause you difficulties,

or even realize that they have. And some people were just socialized poorly growing up, or are shy,

insecure, even depressed. They’ve developed communication tactics to get what they want and/or

protect themselves. Direct conversations cut though those defences, overcome barriers, and clear the air.

Find common ground so that you have a shared interest, whether that’s the same project, similar

lifestyles, or mutual problems.

SMEs who won’t communicate Get to know them; who are they, what are they working on?

Respect their time; keep sessions short and to the point

Do your homework; ask knowledgeable questions; NEVER “tell me like I’m a 4-year old”

Remember you’re as much of an expert in your own domain; they need you to tell their story

Give them something to review and a reasonable deadline in which to review it

Managers with unrealistic expectations Ask them what their expectations are in this situation

Reflect back your understanding of what was required/asked

Present the case in time-and-resources terms

Be professional, co-operative, focused on a solution and teamwork.

Team members who don’t deliver Is there a barrier, dependency, or lack of resource impeding their progress?

Communicate your needs, and follow up

Ask what you can do to help them meet the goal (but don’t do their work for them)

Involve your manager if all else fails

beth.agnew@gmail.com https://groups.google.com/d/forum/stc15-solving-people-problems

What’s the real problem here? Analyze the problem – is it related to people, timelines, expectations, resources, communication? Think

through all the aspects of it, and determine what you need out of it. What solution(s) would work, and which is the best one?

Look at your own behavior Am I interrupting them? Do I come across as too demanding? Do I seem impatient or distracted? Is my

tone or body language intimidating? What is it about them or this situation that is bothering me? How important is it that I solve this?

Look at things from their perspective Are they stressed, overworked, undervalued, hence impatient or anxious? Have they been “burned” by

previous conversations? Are instructions or requests to them clear, with achievable outcomes? What

can you do to make things easier?

Direct Conversations 1. Intent – Hold good intent, prepare, think it through, and expect a good outcome.

2. Need – Should I let this go, or do I need to address it? Do I need to address it now?

3. Purpose – “Do you have a few minutes to talk about…”

4. Behavior – State the behavior you observed. {Don’t talk about anything you didn’t witness.]

5. Specific – Don’t use generalities or labels “You always…” “That was a racist remark…”

6. Effect – “I thought…” “I felt…” “I was confused because…” “That surprised me. I…”

7. Response – “What was going on for you…” “Was there a reason…”

8. Change – “I need you to…” “I’d like you to…”

9. Support – “Will that work for you?” “What can I do to support you in this?”

10. Document – When you get a chance, make note of the time, date, and substance of the

conversation for your own records. It may come in handy later if the situation repeats, continues

or gets worse.

Derailed Conversations Sometimes people will derail the conversation through justifying themselves, dismissing your concerns,

minimizing or denying the effects, sarcasm, hostility, or just by walking away. Regroup and reiterate the

Direct Conversation model. Reassure them that you just want to have a conversation about something important. If they continue to resist, withdraw. “Okay, I can see this is a bad time, let’s try it again later.”

In the end, you may not get much improvement, people may respond badly, and you may not be able to

repair that work relationship. BUT, if you have at least tried to deal with those difficult situations, you have done your job.

And you’ll feel so much better about yourself for being proactive!

After-Summit Support Sometimes we need to think about things and process them before our real questions arise. You are

invited to join my Google group set up for questions, answers and discussions. You may also ask questions privately if you need help with something confidential. Thanks for joining us today!