social emotional spiritual parenting 4 june 2016

Building Family Sakinah through Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting

(Another Dhuha Workshop Series)

SPIRITUAL DETOXYour Family Experience

the Difference !

Hours of FUNAt MPR1, Saturday, 4 June 2016, 8.30am to 12.30pm

REMOVESelf Sabotaging Blocks & Emotional Virus in

Your Family Life

UNLOCKYour Family Full Potential

DISCOVERYour True Family Life

Purpose

Neuro Linguistic Activity includes Baking Session with Cake Couture II0830-0930

Amanah Programme Description0830-0930

60 minsPURPOSE & AIM What motivate children to behave

the way they do (Intrinsic & Extrinsic)

0930-100030 mins

BAKING SESSION(Chef Sikin Supelan)

Activities 1, 2 and 3 Hands-on Coaching Constructive Emotion

1000-104545 mins

MODULE1: NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING

Neuro (Thoughts), Associative (Connected/Relate) Conditioning – Trained, Used to, Conditioned to,

1045-111530 mins

DHUHA-BREAK BREAK (Mee Goreng, Drink & Dhuha-Optional)

1115-114530 mins

MODULE2: GLOBAL METAPHOR

Words Used in Our Thoughts MatterWords We Use Daily Matter

1145-123045 mins

NEURO ACTIVATION Application Begins

WORKSHOP PROGRAMMEParenting Workshop II

0830hr-1230hr, Saturday, 4 June 2016, MPR1

“The best among you are those who bring the most benefit to mankind.” (Prophet Muhammad SAW) 0830-0930

0830-0930

“How do I know whether the hardship befalling me is a punishment or a test for me?”

“Do not educate your child to be rich

Educate him to be happy.So when he grows up,

He'll know the value of thingsNot the price.”

(FB sharing from sister DiDi Mardiana)

Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting Workshop(Dhuha Series)

1130-121531/32

SELF-REFLECTION OF SELF-FULFILMENT

ON THE POST ITDefine “what is happiness” to you ?Define “what is disappointment” to you?Can Happiness and Disappointment happen simultaneously to you ?

0830-0930

AVERAGE LEVEL & PERMITTED SAFE LEVEL

Permitted Safe Level

Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting Workshop

0830-0930

Permitted Safe Level

Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting WorkshopAVERAGE LEVEL & PERMITTED SAFE LEVEL

Average Singaporean Parents' Anxiety & Stress Level

(IMH Random Survey 2001- 2010)

0830-0930

HAPPINESS INDEXSelf-Chart Radar (Before)

PERSONAL

PRESENT

TARGET

NAME: _______________DATE: _____________

GAPS

GAPS

GAPS

GAPS

GAPS

RESO

URCE

S

RESO

URCE

S

RESO

URCE

S

RESO

URCE

S

RESO

URCE

S

1 2 3 4 5

6 7

8 9 10

FAMILY

PARENTINGWORKING LIFE

SPIRITUAL

Activity 1

0830-0930

“Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affair is good and this is not for no one except the believer. If something of good/happiness befalls him he is grateful and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls him he is patient and that is good for him” (Saheeh Muslim No. 2999)

Spiritual & Emotional Coaching

0830-0930

LIFE MOTIVATION(Fitrah – Internal Compass)

PAIN PLEASURE

DECIDE

ACTION

MeaningConnection

BELIEFSYSTEM

Discomfort

FulfillmentSatisfaction

0830-0930

CRITERIA OF SELF-FULFILMENT(Fitrah – Internal Compass)

In Life, We Do Things Which We Find Meaning / Purpose (Internal Compass)

Who Decide this “Purpose” Or “Meaning”?

To Direct-Coach a Child to Be a Khalifah fil Ard, A Parent Must First Commit to Strive to Practice the True Values

0830-0930

Recipe of Holistic Excellence(Every Excellent Family Starts with Excellent Parenting)

Child's Disciplined Action

Disciplined Action without Disciplined Ummah is impossible to sustain, and Disciplined Action without Disciplined Thought is a recipe for disaster.

Child's Disciplined Action

Disciplined Action without Disciplined Ummah is impossible to sustain, and Disciplined Action without Disciplined Thought is a recipe for disaster.

Disciplined UmmahDisciplined Ummah

Child's Disciplined Thought

Parent learn to manage self-thoughtLearn to generate constructive environmentLearn to coach child's thought

Child's Disciplined Thought

Parent learn to manage self-thoughtLearn to generate constructive environmentLearn to coach child's thought

Visionary Parents focus primarily on winning (bettering) themselves.

Collins, J. (2001). Good to great. HarperCollins Publishers Inc

0830-0930

THANKS YOU

VERY GOOD

I WILL KILL YOU

YOU ARE NO GOOD

A MESSAGE FROM WATERPROF MASARU EMOTO

(NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING)

0830-0930

A MESSAGE FROM WATERVIDEO CLIP: THE RESEARCH

0830-0930

A MESSAGE FROM WATERVIDEO CLIP: THE MOVIE

0830-0930

HUMAN BODY COMPONENT 66% WATER(ON AVERAGE 37 LITRES OF H2O)

SCIENTIFIC FACTS:

~ Human brains are 75% water.~ Human bones are 25% water.~ Human blood is 83% water.

CRUCIAL QUESTIONS:

~ Can you feel the words we speak affect us first ?

~ Can you feel our recitation of dzikir, selawat, Quran affect us ?

~ Can you feel our recitation during our solat?

0830-0930

INTRODUCTION NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING

NEURO – THOUGHTSASSOCIATIVE – RELATECONDITIONING - TRAINED

0830-0930

OUR BELIEF SYSTEM IS MADE UP OF NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING

Our neurons are conditioned to associate situations into not so pleasurable (negative) or pleasurable (positive):

Storm – Not a Bright Day, Bad Day (Negative Mood)Monday – Working/School Day (Down Mode)Holiday – Rest Bonding (Positive Emotion)Watch Movies – Exciting Mood (Positive Emotion)Homework - ??? MoodCA1/SA1/CA2/SA2 - ??? MoodCane – Fear Mood (Negative Emotion)Red Mark in Child's Report Book – Child has a Problem (Negative Emotion)

0830-0930

We are conditioned to associate these with not so pleasurable (negative) or pleasurable (positive): “Life is a Test” - Hardship – Not so pleasurable“Children are mischievous” - Parenting is not pleasurable“Life/Children are Gift” - Very PleasurableWork – Hardship – Not pleasurableWork is an Amanah/Ibadah – Very Pleasurable


0830-0930

We are conditioned to associate these with not so pleasurable (negative) or pleasurable (positive): Serving – Hardship – Not so pleasurableHumble – Will always be bullied – NegativeAchievement – Needs highlight – Must be appreciated – PleasurableDifferences in Thoughts – DisobedienceNegative


0830-0930

These Words are Damaging: Late Bloomer, Stupid, Fat, Playful, Hyper, Slow, Old Man, Queen Control,Donkey, Monkey

These Questions are Damaging:“Where did you put your brain?”“Where am I going to hide my face?”“What is your problem?”


0830-0930

METAPHOR

METAPHOR ~ TWO VERY DIFFERENT OBJECTS ARE COMPARED

~ THE OBJECT OF COMPARISON AFFECT DIFFERENT EMOTIONS / FEELING

~ TO COACH / DEVELOP APPRECIATION FOR ABSTRACT CONCEPTS BECAUSE IT CONNECTS WELL WITH YOUNG MINDS

~ QURAN CONTAINS LOTS OF METAPHOR

0830-0930

EXAMPLE METAPHOR

HEART SMASHED – NOT THAT THE HEART IS BROKEN

MY HEART STOLEN – LOVE SICK

DISASTER – JUST ANOTHER BAD NEWS

“TRAPPED” - MAKE FEEL DESPARATE

0830-0930


Your Tour Agent says, “All booked ! If you don't mine...?”

GLOBAL METAPHOR 1

0830-0930


Your Tour Agent says, “All booked ! If you don't mine...?”

GLOBAL METAPHOR 1

What makes you cry?What makes you so upset?What is the last thing in your mind before you sleep?What is the first thing in your mind when you get up in the morning?What is in your mind when you perform your solat?

0830-0930

We Make Duas for Allah to Grant UsSuccess in “This Life” and “the Hereafter”

GLOBAL METAPHOR 1

Which is Which? Which is a Means ? Which is an End?But Our Thoughts Focus So Much “This Life” Joy & Happiness

Leaving No Room for “the Hereafter”0830-0930

NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING(Check Your Emotion)

2/5

GLOBAL METAPHOR 2

"Be in this life as if you were a stranger or a traveler on a path." [Reported by al-Bukhârî]

0830-0930

GLOBAL METAPHOREverything Serves Its Purpose, Including Our Hearts

2/5“I created man and jinn for no other purpose than to worship Me only.” (Dhariyat 51:56)

GLOBAL METAPHOR 3

0830-0930

GLOBAL METAPHOREverything Serves Its Purpose, Including Our Hearts


GLOBAL METAPHOR 3

"Say: 'If your fathers or your sons or your brothers or your wives or your tribe, or any wealth you have acquired, or any business you fear may slump, or any dwelling-places which please you, are dearer to you than Allah and His Messenger and fighting hard in jihad in His Way, then wait until Allah brings about His command.'" (Quran 9:25)

0830-0930


A Boy & the Dream CarMETAPHOR 4

0830-0930


CAN YOU SEE THE RIGHT PATH?METAPHOR 5

0830-0930

PAINTING: A SCENE OF AN OLD FISH MARKET

0830-0930

POWERFUL PROCESS: FISH PHILOSOPHY

0830-0930

Choose

Your

Emotion 'Play' with them

Be there Make your

childrens' day

The FISH! Philosophy

“Catch the Energy & Release the Potential”0900-0945

0830-0930

Baking SessionEmotional Coaching

Activity 2

Parenting Workshop, 4 June, 8.30am-12.30pm(Facilitator Chef Sikin Supelan,Cake Couture II)

0930-1000

Baking SessionEmotional Coaching

Activity 2

Recipe:(1) Bismillahirohmanirohim. In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate.(2) Imagine you are baking for the love one.(3) Imagine how much he/she will enjoy eating it.(4) Do this baking with passion. Trigger sense of significance.(5) Put a little smile into this baking. Trigger sense of connection.(6) Alhamdullillah. All ingredients are meant to make the best. Whether it is salt, sugar, floor, etc.

Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting Workshop, 18 May, 9am-1pm

(Facilitator Chef Sikin Supelan,Cake Couture II)

1/2

0930-1000

0930-1000

Anchor & Metaphor (Figure of Speech)(Learning Points)

(1) You began with “Bismillahirohmanirohim”, as you remind yourself that all ingredients (all experience which make you life wholesome) comes from The Most Merciful & the Most Compassionate - Salt, Sugar, Flour (are there to make your Tart tasty!) (2) METAPHOR: Life is like the salt, sugar, and the rest of the other ingredients which serve as filler of your life, which make your life more exciting (delicious) (3) Put a little of your smile at the beginning of every activity, snowball your smile into unstoppable passion.

(4) The joy of making tart can become an ANCHOR (To enjoy a PROCESS)

Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting Workshop, 18 May, 9am-1pm

2/20930-1000

TRIGGERING PLEASURABLEEXPERIENCE

EMOTIONAL COACHING

1/23

1000-1045

2/23

1000-1045

1. Certainty – feeling of comfort. Predictable2. Uncertainty – variety, surprise3. Significance – sense that we are unique in some

way4. Love and Sense of Connection with others5. Growth – everything that is alive is either

growing or dying… we need to grow6. Contribution – a need to grow beyond ourselves

What make them “Feel Good” behaving (Simplified)Children's Six Basic Source of Motivation

3/231000-1045

Experience Feel Good

Good for Me

Good for Immediate

Others

Serve greater Ummah

Class1 + + + +Class2 - + + +Class3 + - - -Class4 - - - -

Experience Class MatrixPleasurable & Fulfillment

Children look forward

Children try to avoid

‘Pleasurables’ butdestroy quality of life (e.g. Some Computer Games)

‘Negative’ thru & thru(e.g.smoking does not feel good at first)

Turn all Class 2 to Class 1 experience4/23

1000-1045

• The key to a happy and fulfilling life is turning Class 2 experiences – the ones your child try to avoid despite them being good for them and others – into Class 1 experiences.

Key to your child’s Happy & Fulfilling Life

5/231000-1045

ACTION : YES NO

Certainty – feeling of comfort. Predictable

Uncertainty – variety, surprise

Significance – sense that we are unique in some way

Love and Sense of Connection with others

Growth – everything that is alive is either growing or dying… we need to growContribution – a need to grow beyond ourselves

Seek Pleasure of Allah

Feel Good

Good for Me

Good for Immediate Others

Serve greater Ummah (Jemaah Synergy)

Decision Matrix for Each Action for a Child

6/231000-1045

ACTION : Baking Session YES NO

Certainty – feeling of comfort. Predictable

Uncertainty – variety, surpriseSignificance – sense that we are unique in some way

Love and Sense of Connection with others

Growth – everything that is alive is either growing or dying… we need to growContribution – a need to grow beyond ourselves

Seek Pleasure of Allah

Feel Good

Good for MeGood for Immediate Others

Serve greater Ummah (Jemaah Synergy)

Coaching* Emotion for Each Action

Coaching* - Each item may be based on individual perception therefore there is a need for coaching

Activity 3

7/231000-1045

PARENTING LIFE IS A CUP OF COFFEE

9/231000-1045

Parenting Life is Like a Cup of Coffee ! The happiest parents don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live Simply. Love Unconditionally. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Don't miss to smile to your child daily.Above all, Alhamdullillah !

PARENTING LIFE IS A CUP OF COFFEE

10/231000-1045

ARE WE IN ATTENDANCE NOT ONLY IN PHYSICAL BUT MENTAL EMOTIONAL SPIRITUAL ?

DISCONNECT TO CONNECT !

11/23 1000-1045


SpiritualSocialEmotion

Response to Parenting StyleFamily Response-AblePersonal AccomplishmentMindful & Heartful Parenting

PARENTS' STATE

NEURO ASSOCIATIVE

CONDITIONING

12/23 1000-1045

Tarbiyah Parenting Recipe• Major tarbiyah objective for parenting is to Major tarbiyah objective for parenting is to

nurturenurture strong character strong character withinwithin our children. In our children. In other word, strength of a Muslimin comes from other word, strength of a Muslimin comes from within. within.

Ruhiyah(Spiritual)

Khuluqiyah (Moral)

Amaliyah (Operational)

Jasadiyah (Physical)

Fikriyah (Intellectual)

13/23 1000-1045

PREPARING & COOKING WEDDING FEAST

(1) Imagine that you are preparing a feast for 5000 guests

(2) You take charge of every part of feast preparation

(3) Trigger the feeling / emotion of joy of preparation

(4) Trigger the feeling of connection to your guest

(5) Trigger the feeling of how significance this event is

(6) Trigger the feeling of passion.

(7) Are you Fueled ? Are Driven ? Are you excited ?

15/23 1000-1045

PREPARING A CHILD'S WEDDING CEREMONY

(1) Exhausting process, a lot of sacrifices but you are passionate about it.

(2) You are very certain you have given your best

(3) Nothing to regret

(4) Outcome is very fulfilling

16/23 1000-1045

PREPARING & COOKING HARI RAYA FEAST

(1) Imagine that you are preparing a Hari Raya feast for guests






17/23 1000-1045

EMOTIONAL TRANSFERTRANSFER YOUR PASSION TO AN ACTIVITY YOU

WOULD LOVE TO ENJOY DOING

(1) Imagine that you are preparing a Hari Raya feast for guests






GLOBAL METAPHOR: PREPARING A FEAST18/23

1000-1045

Activity 4: Scenario 1Chart Your Feelings

6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12 midnight

Posi

tive

Em

otio

nN

egat

ive

Em

otio

n

123456789

10

10

2

4

6

89

7

5

3

1

19/23 1000-1045

EMOTION

Ou

r S

ense

s: R

e-Pr

esen

t re

alit

y

REALITY

Ou

r S

ense

sEMOTION is an interpretation of Reality

REALITY

REALITY

NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING

20/23 1000-1045

EMOTION

Ou

r S

ense

s: R

e-Pr

esen

t re

alit

y

REALITY

Ou

r S

ense

sEMOTION is an interpretation of Reality

REALITY

REALITY

NEURO CRITERIA (Experience Reference)

- When “this” happens it means “this”- Becomes “SOP” - Standard Operating Procedure- Establish into personal standards- Ensure [No Violation] of standards

NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING

21/23 1000-1045

Activity 4: Scenario 1Chart Your Feelings

6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12 midnight

Posi

tive

Em

otio

nN

egat

ive

Em

otio

n

123456789

10

10

2

4

6

89

7

5

3

1

22/23 1000-1045

NEURO LINGUISTIC (WORDS) IMPACT ON OUR LIFE'S EXPERIENCE

(Prof Alfred Korzybski)

Prof Alfred Korzybski, "I have just demonstrated that people don't just eat food, but also words, and that the taste of the former is often outdone by the taste of the latter."

23/23 1000-1045

DHUHA BREAK30 Minutes

1045-1115

Four Common Responses to Emotion

EXPERIENCE

EMOTION(1) Avoid emotion

(2) Deny emotion but pile up in the heart

(3) “You think That you are feeling bad, I will show you how I feel.”

(4) Take “Emotion” as Action Signal and change state

1115-1145

1/32

Four Common Responses to Emotion

EXPERIENCE

EMOTION(1) Avoid emotion

(2) Deny emotion but pile up in the heart

(3) “You think That you are feeling bad, I will show you how I feel.”

(4) Take “Emotion” as Action Signal and change state

2/321115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBECoaching in the Conditioning of Neuro Association


ANGRYANGRYANGRYANGRY

One-Size-Fits-All-Emotion

3/321115-1145


EMOTIONAL WARDROBE(Colourful Clothing for Different Weather)

FEARFUL

REGRETFUL

HOPEFUL

JOYFUL

PLEASURE

HONOURED

EMO WARDROBE

4/32

1115-1145



PROCESS

Change your current thinking about life's situations.

When you change your thoughts (ones that you believe to be true) your emotions change - your mood changes.

You can do this by re-evaluating the situation; redirecting your focus to more balanced and realistic and compassionate thoughts. 5/32

1115-1145



Remind yourself that

- "People are doing the best they can do at every moment; given their current circumstances."

- "I don;'t know what others are going through and perhaps they need patience from me at this moment - just like I may need patience from others at times."

- "We are all the same at heart - we just want to live better lives."

- "Everyone is just like me - they are trying their best and sometimes accidents happen." etc...

6/321115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE

You are here to make a difference in the life of others

Register these feelings:(1) You have received soMuch(2) Others are less fortunate than you(3) Every charityAllah multiplies

8/32 1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE

Imagine Your Child's First Few Minutes After Birth

Register these feelings:(1) Pleasant Joy(2) Tremendous Amanah(3) Excitement(4) Looking Forward

9/32 1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE

Solat ExperienceUnderstand Al Fateha, Surah andAll Recitation in Solat

Trigger these feelings:(1) Fear(2) Shameful(3) Smallness(4) Loads of Shortcomings(5) This is Last Solat(6) Mikraj of Rasullullah SAW

Rasullullah SAW said, "To worship Allah as if you see Him, and if you cannot achieve this state of devotion then you must consider that He is seeing you."

10/32

1115-1145

Imagine Your Excitement due to Your Departure(At Changi Airport Terminal 3)

Trigger the Feeling of Happiest Moment of Your Life

12/32

1115-1145

NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONINGEverything Serves Its Purpose, Including Our Hearts


GLOBAL METAPHOR 3

Condition Our Childrens' Heart to Associate

Seeking Allah's Pleasure as Child's Pleasure

Reciting Quran as Child's Pleasure

Solat as Child's Pleasure

Role Model of Rasullullah SAW as Child's Pleasure

13/32

1115-1145

NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONINGEverything Serves Its Purpose, Including Our Hearts


GLOBAL METAPHOR 3

Condition Our Childrens' Heart to Associate

Allah's Words / Promise in Quran as Source of Certainty

Test of Hardship as Child's Pleasure

Spreading Truth as Child's Pleasure

Spreading Beauty of Islam thru Good Character as Child's Pleasure

14/32

1115-1145

THIS IS NEURO ACTIVATION EXERCISE

32/32 1145-1230

WHAT A PERSON DOES TO EMOTION MATTERS(SELF-SABOTAGE - ZHALIM)

2/20 1145-1230

FOR THE AMERICAN, THIS IS THEIR ICON OF SUCCESS

3/20 1145-1230

EMOTIONAL RESPONSE CAN CAUSE SELF- DESTRUCTION

4/20 1145-1230

A family of a father, a mother and 3 children driving across a highway, and met 4 people along the way,bro 'Money', bro 'High-Pay-Job', bro 'Deen', Mr :(

DEATH METAPHORTHE STORY OF A JOURNEY

1/20 1145-1230

“The day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail, but only he [will prosper] that brings to Allah a sound heart (Qolbun Salim).”

(Al Quran 26:88–89)

Qolbun SalimQualities of Heart and Mind

9/20 1145-1230

USE

OF

MA

NIP

ULA

TIV

E R

EFL

EC

TIO

NMANIPULATIVE(S)

STRING/RIBBON, WHITE CLOTH, CARD

MY JOB SCOPE

HOW LONG HAVE I LIVED?

1145-1230

NEURO ACTIVATIONWASIAT FROM MY MUM

5/20 1145-1230

If you can ONLY write 3 last reminders to yourchildren, what would that be:(1)(2)(3)

Spend last 3 minutes of your life, pen your thoughts from your heart.

ACTIVITY 5THE LAST MESSAGE

WASIATS

6/20 1145-1230

PARENTING IS A GIFT FOR LIMITED TIME ONLY

11/20 1145-1230

PARENTING IS A GIFT FOR LIMITED TIME ONLY

12/20 1145-1230

You are not able to choose how you die. BUT you can choose how you live.13/20

1145-1230

14/20 1145-1230

Imagine . . .(Reflection)

15/20 1145-1230

Imagine . . .(Reflection)

16/20 1145-1230

WHEN EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE

17/20 1145-1230

18/20 1145-1230

HEART ACTIVATION TIMEFOR PEAK PERFORMANCE

19/20 1145-1230

1145-1230

social emotional spiritual parenting 4 june 2016

Education