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r i s h i k a l i a @ k h a l s a . c o m

26 August 2010

Santa was caught for speeding and produced in court.

Judge asked: 30 days or 300 rupees?

Santa replied: I will take money.

Ik vaar Santa apne yaar de viah te

jaa ke naan zyaada khaa lenda hai,

te ghar aa ke badaa aukhaa hundaa hai

te flush wich beh ke kehndaa hai:

Rabba, ya Jaan kadh leh,

ya fer Naan kadh leh..

How a romantic jatt will propose a girl?????

Teri boothi local bus wargi, mera ticket kataaun nu jee kardaa,

teri tor ni sohniye meri majh vargi, mera sangal paun nu jee kardaa.

Sardaar apni beti ke liye 24 saal ka ladka dekhne Delhi gayaa.

Wahaan se biwi ko ph. karta hai:

"Oh bai toni di mummy,

24 da te koi ni milyeaa,

12-12 de hi do labh laan."

Chota sardaar: Mummy, kal raati jado main

bathroom da darwaaja kholeyaa te light aape hi jag pai.

Mummy: Oye Khoteyaa, tu fer fridge wich susu kar ditta..

Santa to Doctor:

Mainu ik problem hai,

gall karde hoe mainu aadmi dikhaai ni sujhdaa.

Doctor: Aisa kab-kab hota hai?

Santa: Phone karte waqt.....

Do bhoot galaan kar rahe si.

Pehla bhoot: Yaar tu kadi sardaar dekhe ne?

Doosra bhoot: Sardaar-sardoor kuch ni hunde,

sab mann da vehm hai, dari na.

Sardaar: Oye banta, yeh roasted chicken

taa waise bada tasty hai,

par thoda ajeeb sa kyon lag rahaa hai?

Banto: Thoda jal gayaa sa ji,

is lai dettol lagaa ditti.

A sardaar prays daily for two hours:

Hey Waheguru, meri lottery lagaa davo.

After 11 years Waheguru angrily appears and says:

Oye Khoteyaa, ik vaari ticket taan lae..

Santa: Yaar main tainu kinni baar ph. kitta,

par tu phone hi nahi chukeyaa..?

Banta: Kyon chukaan, jehdaa main apne cell wich

30 Rs. de ke gaana lagwaayea hai

ohnu fer kaun sunega?????

Teacher: Oxygen ki khoj 1858 wich hoi.

Sardaar: Thank GOD, mera janm us ton pehla nahi hoyea,

nahi te main ghut-ghut ke mar jaata.

Sardaar (ladki ko chedte hue):

Hor sohneyo, ki haal aa..??

Ladki (Gusse mein)

Jo teri bhen da.

Sardaar: Woh to pregnant hai..

Jeeto: Kyon ji, tussi gaddi di speed kyon badhaa ditti..?

Santa: Break fail ho gayaa hai,

accident hon to pehlaan hi aapaa ghar pahunchna hai..

Banta and his wife waiting for the train..

itne mein Punjab Mail aayi.

Banta bhaag kar train mein chadtaa hai and says to her wife

Jab Punjab Female aaye tab tu bhi aa jaana.

Couple in theatre:

Husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhaari aatma se pyaar hai,

tumhaara jism to main kutton ko daal dun!!

Sardaar sitting on back seat: BHOW BHOW..BHOW BHOW..

Khirki khuli, zulfein udi,

socha husn-e-yaar ka deedaar tha.

Par zulfein hati, to manzar kuch aur tha,

kyonki woh to nahaaya hua sardaar tha..

10 people beating a sardaar,

but he was laughing..

A man asked,

"Why are you laughing?"

Sardaar: Main Joginder hun,

yeh log mujhe Parminder samajh ke maar rahe hain!!

Santa first time travelling in plane.

Plane began to run on run-way.

Santa got angry and said,

"Saalio, jahaaz ta agge hi char ghante late aa,

te tussi sadko-sadki paa liya."

How did Santa tried to kill a bird??

????

?????

He took it to the top of a building &

dropped it from there to die..

Sardaarji aapko logo ne kyon maara..?

Sardaar: Arrey yaar meri photo bus mein gir gayi thi.

Maine kaha, madam zaraa saree upar karna,

mujhe photo leni hai.

A Sardaar made a call to airport and

asked how long is the journey

from Punjab to America..

Receptionist: One second, sir.....

Sardaar: Thank you.

Santa: Oye! murge di tang kithe aa..?

Waiter: Sir, murga langda tha.

Santa: Aur dil?

Waiter: Sir, woh murgi le gai.

Santa frustrated: Abey dimaag to hoga..?

Waiter: Sir, Murga bhi sardaar tha.

Santa gives dictation test to the students.

Last bench students said that they are unable to hear,

so Santa replied,

"Ok i will write on the board."

Santa wanted to make an STD call to Hoshiyarpur

but it was too expensive.

Can u guess what he did..?

He went to hosiyarpur and

made a local call.

Bolo tara ra ra..!!

When TITANIC was drowning, an Italian asks Santa,

"How far is land?"

Santa:"4 kms."

Italian jumps into sea and asks,

"Which direction?"

Santa: "DOWNWARDS..!"

Girl to sardaar- Will u marry me?

Sardaar- In our family we only marry relatives.

Mom married Dad, bhaiya married bhabhi,

didi married jiju.

So i can't marry u, Sorry..

Captain of military: Naujawaan, aage badho.

Ek sardaar aage nahi badhta.

Captain: Tum aage kyon nahi badhaa, jawaan.

Sardaar: Aapne kaha 9 jawaan aage badho,

main 10ve number per hun.

Santa dials a number and a girl receives his call-

Santa: Who's this?

Girl: Main Sita.

Santa: Navaa seaapaa, main taan ludhiyaane keeta si,

eh taan ayodhya mil gayaa.

Santa goes to a police station & says,

"Mujhe phone per dhamkiyaan mil rahi hain."

Police: Kaun phone karta hai?

Santa: Phone company waale bolte hain BILL na diya to KAAT denge.....

Santa joined Army, given ak-47, puzzeled Santa asks Major,

"Sir, is bandook ki nali saamne rakhun ya ulta?"

Major: Kisi bhi tarah rakho, faayedaa desh ka hi hoga.

Santa standing on a platform, suddenly jumps on railway track.

A man shouts Sardaarji mar jaaoge.

Santa: Maregaa to tu saale,

suna nahin train platform no. 1 par aa rahi hai.

Santa was riding on horse.

He jumped the Red Light.

Policeman whisteled.

Santa lifts the tail of horse and said,

"Le kar le number note!!"

Santa went to a radio shop and started shouting,

Kamino maine PHILIPS ka radio maanga tha,

aur isko on kiya to yeh bolta hai ki,

yeh All India Radio hai..

Santa baar-baar zebra crossing per idhar udhar chal raha tha,

woh kya soch raha hoga?????

"Yeh Piano saala bajta kyon nahi.......???"

Santa: Bhaisaab, kya time hua hai??

A man: 10:30

Santa: Saalaa subha se pooch rahaa hun,

sab alag alag time bataa rahe hain..

Santa, aapko logo ne kyon maara?

Santa: Arre yaar meri photo bus mein gir gayi thi.

Maine kaha Madam zaraa saaree upar kijiye, photo leni hai.

Santa: Yeh kela kaise diya?

Pundit: 1 rupee.

Santa: 60 paise ka deta hai?

Pundit: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka doonga.

Santa: Le 40 paise, chilka rakh ke sirf kela de de.

Frog to santa: Kya sardaar ka dimaag hota hai?

Santa: Haan hota hai.

Frog: Nahi hota.

and the frog jumps in the water.

Santa: Isme suicide karne ki kya baat hai,

i was joking......

Santa singh got an invitation to party

which said

BROWN TIE ONLY

when he went to the party

he was surprised to find that

others were wearing pants and shirts also..!!

Santa was driving a car zigzag and rashly.

Traffic cop caought him.

Santa: Sir, I am learning driving.

Cop: Without instructor?

Santa: It's a correspondence course.

Sardaar gives dictation test for the students.

Last bench student says that we are unable to hear,

so the sardaar replies,

ok i'll write on the board.

Santa proposed a girl.......

Girl: I am one year elder to u.

Santa: Oye, no problem sohniye, I will marry u next year.

Santa went to a museum, there he broke a statue.

Officer: You have broken a 5000 year old statue.

Santa: Thank GOD! I thought it's new.

Santa got a new job:

1st day he worked till evening.

Boss was happy and asked what u did till evening?

Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in right order,

i made it correct.....

In a marriage Daler Mehndi to sardaar: Bhai, kinni der gaawaaan?????

Santa: O gaa de ik adhaa,

baaki te fer sharaabian ne

GENERATOR di awaaz te hi nachchi jaanaa hai.

Santa was commiting suicide.

Banta: Ki hoya?

Santa: Yaar, meri biwi bhaag gayi mere dost ke saath.

Banta: To tu doosri shaadi kar le, suicide kyon?

Santa: Oye banteyaa main apne dost ke bina nahi reh sakta.

Santa: Aisi ki taisi kab hoti hai?

Banta: Jab loose motion lage ho aur

pajaame ki gaanth hi na khule.

Santa ji ki nayi car ke peeche likha tha

"Saawan ko aane do"

Banta ji ne peeche se truck laa kar thok diya.

Truck ke peeche likha tha

"Aaya saawan jhoom kar"

Santa rail mein susu karne gayaa,

waapis aane per wife ne poocha,

Aapka pyjaama geela kaise ho gayaa?

Santa: Wahaa likha tha,

shareer ka koi bhi ang baahar na nikaale.

Santa talking on cell.

Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?

Santa: Biwi se.

Banta: Itne pyaar se.

Santa: Tumhaari hai na!

Santa to nauker: Ped-podho ko paani daal de.

Nauker: Saabji, baahar to baarish ho rahi hai.

Santa: Abey paagal, to chattri le ke daal de!

Santa was sitting and thinking hard.

Preetoji: Kya soch rahe ho ji?

Santa: Yeh TV waalo ko kaise pataa chal gayaa?

Preetoji: Kya?

Santa: "Aap dekh rahe hain STAR PLUS."

Santa: Yaar, mujhe apni girl friend ko gift dena hai. Kya doon ?

Banta: Gold Ring de de.

Santa: O yaar koi waddi cheez bataa.

Banta: Jaa fir truck ka tyre de de.

Teacher: Banta, make a sentence

in which 1 word is repeated 4 times.

Banta: If Lara Dutta marries Brian Lara,

she becomes Lara Lara.

O Bolo Tara Rara!!

Tutor: Write ur father's name in english.

Santa wrote "Beautiful Red Underwear"

Tutor saw and asked - Are u mad or what?????

Santa: No, his name is Sunder Lal Chadda.

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes.

He got irritated..

drank poison and said

Now bite, u'll die bastards..

Santa apni girlfriend ko i love u kehta hai,

aur gir jaata hai.

Gf: Yeh kya kar rahe ho..?

Santa: I am falling in love..

Ram-leela se hanumaan tha fraar,

role ke liye fit kiya ek Sardaar,

tha bahut hi kamaal,

ped se chalaang lagaa kar bola..

Jo bole so nihaal.....

Sita Mata, Sat Shri Akaal!!

SnowPoint: Doctor, which soap you use..??

Santa: Gopal soap, Gopal paste, Gopal brush..

SnowPoint: Doctor, is Gopal an International Company..??

Santa: No, Gopal is my room-mate.

Santa: Yaar uth bhookamp aa rahaa hai..saara ghar hil raha hai.

Banta: Soja-soja ghar girega to makaan maalik ka..hum to kiraayedaar hain..

Santa ko sapne me kisi ne goli maar di!!

2nd day santa ne apna bank account close karwa diya kyonki

bank mein likha tha - hum aapke sapno ko hakikat mein badal denge.

Santa was experimenting with a cockroach.

He cut one of his legs and told it to walk.

The cockroach began moving slowly.

He continued till all legs were cut.

Then he told it to walk, but it didn't move.

So he wrote the inference:

If all the legs of a cockroach were cut,

it loses it's ability to hear.

Santa and doctor loves the same girl.

Santa gives her an apple daily.

Girl surprised and asked why.

Santa: An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Government promised jiske 5 bachche hain oose ghar degi.

Santa ke 3, usne wife se kaha: Padosan ke 2 bhi mere hain,

unko lata hun.

Lane ke baad:

Santa: Apne 3 kaha gaye?

Wife: Jinke the woh le gaye.

Santa made a call to airpport and asks,

"How long is the journey from Punjab to America?"

Receptionist: One second, Sir.

Santa disconnects the call the says,

"Inhe te peg laaya hoeya ae!"

Santa car mein battery lagwaane gaya.

Mechanic ne poocha: Exide ki laga du?

Santa sochne laga, fir bola: Baar-baar kaun aayega,

Dono side ki laga de..

Santa: Dr. main subha 9 baje uth-ta hun to mujhe

saana lene mein taklif hoti hai.

Dr: Beta jaldi utha karo kyonki Saari Oxygen to

Baba Ramdev aur unke chele kheench lete hain..

Santa was filling a slambook.

He didn't knew the meaning of Zodiac sign.

He turned the previous page and

saw that somebody had written Cancer,

so he wrote Gas Problem..

I am deleting your number from my phone.

As I always send you messages but you never replied.

So good bye forever.

Santa sent this to customer care..

Santa ki beti: Papa kal aapke ghar se ek member kam ho jaaega.

Next day santa ki beti bhaag jaati hai.

Santa: Ladki ne kaam to galat kiya per

thi woh Jyotshi!

TV reporter to Santa: Can you tell me

how many jokes are there on you?

Santa: Hardly 2 or max 3,

the rest are all true stories.

Santa: Phone per itni dhimi aawaaz mein

kis-se baat kar rahe ho..?

Banta: Behan hai.

Santa: To fir itni dhimi aawaaz mein kyun..?

Banta: Teri hai.

Santa underwear lene gaya.

Dukaandaar ne usko Rs. 500 ka underwear dikhaya.

Santa: Roz pehn-ne wala de,

party wear nahi chaahiye.

Santa plane landing hote hi chillane laga..

Bangalore aaya..Bangalore aaya..balle balle!!

Airhostess: Excuse me sir, please be silent.

Santa: Ok, i am sorry,

Angalore aaya..angalore aaya..alle alle!!

Ek ladki aur santa ko pyaar ho gaya.

Ladki: Aapko meri bilkul parwah nahi hai.

Santa: Oye pagli, pyaar karne waale kisi ki parwah nahi karte!

Santa: Yaar Banta, hum dono mein kya rishta hai?

Banta: Jo Gobar aur Uple mein hai.

Santa: Woh kaise?

Banta: Jab Gobar Santa hai, tabhi to Upla Banta hai.