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page 74 sisters magazine page 75

Adolescence vs. Youth

Remember growing up in the 80's? Remember theadventures we had biking around the neighbourhood,walking to the corner caf. If you were a teen in the'80s, chances are that you are currently the mother of achild approaching puberty. You have probably noticeda drastic change in the youth culture you grew up in

and that your child now encounters. Due to the crimerate, children today hardly walk to school, let alone

roam the streets to the corner shop. The realization hasalso probably dawned that kids are getting older at ayounger rate.

Ten Turning SixteenAdolescenceor teensused to refer to the age of puberty and the resulting physical and emotionaldevelopment. But as the behaviours that we used to

associate with youth in their teen years began to claima younger age group, a new term was required. Theterm tweenhas been popularized and accepted bymarketers and advertisers, educators and sociologiststo describe the age group between eight and twelve.

One generation ago, this age group would have beenregarded as preadolescent. A generation prior to that,simply childhoodwould have sufficed. But clearly, the

term childhood no longer holds for this age group.

Today, tweens are targeted by marketers who realizethat this age group has both the consumer interest aswell as the power of persuasion to acquire the lateststatus symbols that afford them popularity in their peergroup. But while we may complain about the

provocative clothing tweens are wearing, someone isobviously willing to supply the cash.

Recently, the American PaediatricAssociation assigned a task force tostudy the effects of the sexualisation of young women on self-esteem and thehealthy development of girls andwomen. The group defined sexual-isationas occurring when a person's

sense of value came from their sexualappeal. They studied the stereotypes of

young women currently presented bytelevision, music videos, song lyrics, andthe effects that these are having on theself-esteem, intellectual and emotionaldevelop-ment of the new generation of women. The results of the task forcewere published along with warningsabout the current promiscuous culture

and the devastating consequences thatis manifesting as self-destructivebehaviour.

As boys seem to mature at a slightlyolder age, one would expect this tooffer some kind of immunity to thedownward "tweening". The mostserious consequences of tweening inboys are seen in the delinquency that

would previously only have beenassociated with boys in their mid teens.Experimentation with drugs now beginsat an early age; and there is increasingreports of criminal activity in this agegroup.

A generation of children is at risk, andwith them, even the concept of childhood.

Youth vs. AdolescentWhile the words adolescentsand teenagersare widely used, weshould also remember that they are social constructs: thebehaviours that we have come to associate with them are specificto societies which allow this age group to be a period of experimentation and often deviant behaviour, accepted under themantras: you only live onceor they are still young. Significantly,in cultures where the risqu behaviour that we have come to

associate with adolescence is not expected, much less accepted,

such behaviour is not found. In many cultures across the world,youth in this age group have responsibilities to their family andtheir communities and are expected to demonstrate soundreasoning behind their decisions. Many are already economicallyactive.

While Islam recognizes youth, it also demarcates buloogh (puberty)as the onset of adult responsibility. First and foremost, the youngMuslim is taught discipline regarding their responsibilities to Allah

in the observance of their ibaadah, particularly fasting and salaah. These two ser ve to fortify t he young believer by inducin gdiscipline, teaching restraint and accountability. For a young

Muslim, buloogh brings the opening of the books- theunderstanding that they will be held to account for all that they doon Yaumul Qiyaamah. The young Muslim is regarded as beingMukallaf accountable for all that they do. In a Muslim context,youth are reminded that their actions will bear consequences, andthat all decisions have implications.

While the terms adolescentsand teensallude to experimentingwith various identities, with different looks and different behaviours,youth alludes to wholesomeness, in line with the natural fitrah that

Attiya Gardee asks whether our children are growing up too fast - and examines the difference between adolescence and youth.


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each of us was created upon. As the Quraan says inreference to Ashabul Kahf - the sleepers in the Cave:

Indeed they were Youth who believed in their Lord,and We increased them in guidance. (Qur'an 18:12)

Ahadith and Muslim history bear witness that youth isa period during which one can achieve a potentspiritual vibrancy.

TroubleshootingCurrently, it is not only Muslims but parents of all faithsthat are seeking solutions to the youth culture ourchildren are facing.

Three themes emerge when w e try to identify thecauses for the downward trend towards earlyadolescence.

First, a promiscuous media-driven marketplace ,

that presents adult concepts long before children areready to deal with them. This is the decade of termssuch as bootiliciousand eye candy; of captionsinstructing obey your thirstand the glamorization of terms such as naughtyand obsession. Our

understanding of words has changed, and with it, theway we understand the world around us.

Second, the rise of the peer culture. With schoolclasses being segregated in terms of ages, it isestimated that children spend seventy percent of theirtime with children born within a one year range of

their birthday. Nuclear families increase as young

couples move away from their hometowns or evencountries of origin, and with it, children have reducedexposure to the extended family. Instead of tribalsocialization, or socialization through exposure topeople of all ages, most of the socialization comesfrom their peer group.

Third, the absent parent syndrome. With twoincome families on the increase to meet growingeconomic demands, more and more children return

from school to a home in which neither of theirparents are there to welcome them, much less to ask them about their day. Added to the demands parentsface when returning home from work, to cook andmaintain the house, spending quality time with theirchild often slips down their list of priorities.

Sadly, most parents are motivated to work harder andearn more in the belief that they need to give theirchildren the best of everything. So, cell phones and

designer clothes become the norm, but are poorsubstitutes for the quality time that both children andparents require to bond and connect and to be afamily.

Preserving Childhood InnocenceOur children do deserve the best that we can givethem. The best is us: to give of ourselves, of our time,our attention, and mostly, our love.

One of the greatest gifts we can give them is to try tobuild their sense-esteem on a principled value base:

that, as a Muslim, as a creation of Allah, they haveworth and value. A child who feels loved andaccepted is less vulnerable to the need to be acceptedby her peer group, and more likely to assert her ownvalues when she needs to.

What better time than this, Ramadhan and Eidul Fitr, torevive the tradition of the gathering of the clan, those

gatherings of family and friends that embracepeople of all ages. In contrast to the peersocialization our children face most days, thegathering of the tribes affords them theopportunity to interact with other ages, and indoing so, minimizes their dependence on theapproval of their peers. In addition, it gives them asense of belonging to a wider community that willprevent feelings of isolation or marginalization, thatin turn gives rise to delinquency.

We need to bring back the narrative: the traditionof telling stories. Stories of the Sahaba ( ), and of other Muslim heroes, satisfies the thirst we all havefor heroes: those who by their principles andforesight, their valour and their wisdom haveforever set for us standards of behaviour to guideour own. My children usually relish the tales I have

to tell them of my own childhood, and love to ask their grandparents about life in t he old times.From the stories of other members of our familycome lessons in fortitude, in steadfastness, in hopeeven in times of want and despair. They contrastwith the sitcoms that present a crisis that isinstantly resolved within a half hour. Beyond thestories of the antics we got up to, of the differencein technology between then and now, comes thestories of the family: they create a sense of

belonging and a communal history that weaveseach of us into its fabric. And within that fabric,Muslim youth can grow up strong and safe fromoutside pressures, secure in themselves andconfident about their role in the big scheme of things.

Preserving Childhood Innocence


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Twenty-six-year-old Mohammedhas been a hafidhul Qur'an since thetender age of twelve. He has beenperforming the tarawih prayers everyRamadhan for the past twelve years.When asked when he began

memorising the glorious words of Allah ( ), he says, I don't actuallyremember. My Dada [paternalgrandfather], who was also a hafidh,began teaching me when I was veryyoung.

Mohammed's parents continued tosend him to school but realised that

schooling, combined with Hifdh classes, was not an easy task for aneleven-year-old. After completing Grade 5, Mohammed was sent to aHifdh madressah (a boarding one) for one year to finish hismemorisation of the Qur'an.

Ayesha, a mother of three sons and one daughter, juggles a busyschedule that primarily involves dropping off and fetching her kids

from school and madressah. Her eldest son, 16, is a hafidh and hersecond son, 14, started to memorise the Qur'an but could not

continue after completing three chapters.

He told me, Mummy this isn't for me and I could not force him. Hesaid he'd never be able to manage performing tarawih.Ayesha tellsme that her own father is a hafidh and he encourages her children tomemorise the Qur'an.

Fathima, a mother to three teenageddaughters, is a hafidha. Shecommitted the Qur'an to memorywhile still in her teens and tells methat it is not an easy task for anyfemale.

We become mothers and have torun a home and it is even moredifficult because we menstruate.Sometimes there is no time to revise.Fathima was not eager for any of herdaughters to do Hifdh but, ironically,all three are hafidhas today.

In South Africa, a very high percentage of the Muslim population,

both males and females, have committed the Qur'an to memory.So great is the number of hufaadh, that in some towns there arenot enough mosques to host the hufaadh to perform thetarawih prayers. Consequently, some hufaadh end up performingthe prayer within their own homes, with family members andfriends joining the nascent congregation.

Several Muslim parents have come under harsh criticism from

family members and peers for forcing their children to do Hifdh.A few months ago, I met a mother of two sons. The mother told

me that her eldest son, who is just ten, is doing Hifdh andattending school.

When I asked her if her son chose to do it, she responded, Hehas no choice. He has to do it.

By the age of four, a child is able to mimic sounds, play withwords and understand order and process. It is for this reason thatparents try and teach their children as many things as possible atthis young age. If they can learn the Qur'an and are progressing

smoothly, why not encourage them to memorise more?

Reciting the Qur'an is one of the most important aspects of ourDeen. We are divinely instructed to read, understand and actupon the glorious words of Allah (Subhanahu Wata'ala). Thestatus that a hafidhholds is an eminent one in Islam. ProphetMuhammad ( ) said:

He who recites the Qur'an, memorizes it, accepts its halal (lawfulthings) as halal and haram (forbidden things) as haram (i.e. his

beliefs in these matters are correct), Allah Ta'ala will enter him toJannah and accept his intercession on behalf of ten such persons

of his family upon whom entry into Jahannum has becomeincumbent (i.e. Allah Ta'ala will forgive them because of hisintercession).(Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Darimi).

Usually when a child begins to memorise the Qur'an, he/shestarts from the thirtieth chapter, where the surahs are shorter. If a

Young Hufadh

Mariam Akabor , a writer based in South Africa, asks if it is ever toosoon to start memorise the Qur'an?


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parent notices that their child is memorising withease, the most natural thing to do is to teachthem the longer surahs. However, not all childrenare the same. Whilst some will take two days tomemorise a surah, it would take others a week.

Remembering the words of the Qur'an for the restof one's life is a reality. The child needs tounderstand that the Qur'an cannot be forgotten,as it is a sin. Furthermore, we need to encouragememorisers of the Qur'an to try and understandthe Qur'an. It is just not sufficient to learn if off byheart without knowing the meaning.

Parents of children who are doing Hifdh have tosacrifice a lot. One mother I spoke to said that her

fourteen-year-old son is home-schooled so it ischallenging for her and her husband to ensurethat their son is able to progress. She also pointedout to me that there seems to be competitionamongst parents as to whose child can completeHifdh the fastest.

I think that sadly it has become a bit of a statusthing and when that happens, the true essence of learning the Qur'an off by heart is lost.

So how do you decide whether your child shouldmemorise the entire Qur'an or not? Based onhis/her progress at a young age? Should you evendecide this or would you let your child decide?

If I have a son, I'd teach him from a young ageand see what happens from there,saysMohammed.

Will Ayesha's third son also be doing Hifdh one

day? Insha Allah. Ultimately it is up to him.


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