Loyal Patch readers already know a couple of things about me; I love to write and I love to run. As much as I love both of those things, I could live without them. The one thing I couldn’t give up in my life, though, is my role as a mother. Every day I am in awe of how blessed I am to be the mom to four such special children.

I have two gorgeous, intelligent daughters, Presley and Elliot, and two fun, handsome little guys, Nolan and Beckett. Beckett is more commonly called Bean around here, a nickname given to him by Elliot when he was a brand new little bundle of joy. She called him this because he never stopped moving, and she said he was like a little jumping bean.

Last week, though, our little Bean became a very sad, very sick little kiddo.

Two Saturdays ago we went out to dinner. While we were waiting for a table his mood changed and he became very subdued. Once in the high chair he began to fall asleep. He felt a little warm, so we finished dinner and got him home. He had a fever, so I gave him Motrin and got him to bed.

The next day his behavior was the same; subdued and out of it. The pediatrician was not in for the weekend so we took him to the new children’s clinic...something like a Med Express but for kids. While in the exam room waiting to be seen, Beanie began to have a seizure.

I can’t express how terrified I was. There truly aren’t words for the pure fear that I was feeling watching him jerk and his eyes roll back as nurses and a doctor surrounded him with oxygen. After what seemed like forever (but was more like five minutes) the seizure stopped. For the next 15 minutes he laid on the table with his eyes open, but no indication that he was awake. To talk to your child and look them in the eye and get no sign of recognition is so painful and disturbing.

Eventually he snapped out of it and the doctor was able to fully examine him. According to the doctor his seizure was a febrile seizure and was not uncommon in children his age. She determined that he had pneumonia and fluid on his ear. We were given information on the seizure, the pneumonia, and a prescription and sent home.

The week only got worse. Beanie was extremely pleasant, but wouldn’t walk around and just wasn’t himself. Tuesday something just seemed off. Nothing dramatic had happened, he just wasn’t his normal, active self. I called the pediatrician and they said I could bring him in. I expected to be told he was getting better and I was crazy. Instead he was given a breathing treatment and then had his oxygen levels tested. His oxygen was low and we were sent to Children’s Hospital.

We spent the next six hours at the hospital where he went through a chest x-ray,

an IV for fluids and a breathing treatment before being sent home. He was sweet as pie the entire time; batting his super long eye lashes at the nurses, blowing kisses and babbling in his little Beckett language.

We went back to the pediatrician the next day as we were instructed. This time Bean was prescribed steroids and we were given a nebulizer to do breathing treatments from home.

It is so hard balancing doing what your kids needs and what your kids like. Poor Beanie hates the medicine and the treatments. I have to pin him down to do both. He kicks and cries. He looks at me like I am the meanest mommy in the whole wide world; and I can’t say that I’m not in that moment. I hate it.

A week and a half later he is finally doing better and back to his normal active self. I have survived (thanks to several glasses of wine and many cups of coffee). I learned a lot about what I can handle as a parent and at what point Daddy needs to take over!

More than anything, though, I learned that the harder the job of mommy gets, the more I love it, because even in the toughest moments, there is nothing that can begin to diminish the complete and unconditional love I have for my babies!