shut up about your perfect kid by gina gallagher and patricia konjoian - excerpt

892019 Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid by Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian - Excerpt

httpslidepdfcomreaderfullshut-up-about-your-perfect-kid-by-gina-gallagher-and-patricia-konjoian-excerpt 112





[ 11 ]

CHAPTER 1

Snowflakes andDisney WorldOut of the World of Parent Fantasy

Comes the Scary Reality

When does it happen Tat precise moment when you realize

that despite your best-laid plans yoursquove completely and utterly

lost control o your lie Itrsquos a question we ofen pose to each other

though in a more direct and simple way

ldquoHey Pat when did our lives take that lef turn into Crazyvillerdquo

ldquoOh thatrsquos easy Gene when we had kidsrdquoItrsquos not like we made plans to go there or ever in our wildest

dreams imagined our lives would head in that direction Like a lot

o prospective parents we had plansmdashdreams and expectations or

our uture childrenrsquos lives We wanted them to enjoy the same happy

relatively normal childhoods we had For us being challenged meant

1047297nding a way not to upset our loving generous and sometimes orce-

ul Italian grandmother

ldquoGina come here and 1047297nish your drinkrdquoldquoBut Nana I donrsquot like highballs And besides Irsquom only sixrdquo

Yes easy careree childhoods Tat was the plan until that painul

moment when we realized our childrenrsquos livesmdashand the lives o our

entire amilymdashwould never be ldquonormalrdquo

Ginarsquos ldquoChillingrdquo Dose of Reality

Some things just arenrsquot unny

Te snow1047298ake essay Gina uncovered in her then ten-year-old-

daughter Katiersquos backpack sure wasnrsquot Gina had always thought o



[ 12 ] SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR PERF ECT KID

snow1047298akes as light and airy But the one in this essay It was dark and

heavy

As she read it Gina instantly elt the weight o the dark wordsbeore her

I I were a snow1047298ake alling I would be sneaky and clever too

and when I all I would strike Afer I am going to my school

it is time or revenge As Irsquom walking down I ran into the prin-

cipal and knocked her over Oh no I ran over the principal Oh

well Irsquoll just leave her there Te students are working not or

long Here I go Fear me ha ha ha I charge right into the schooland damage everything beore my school blows up 5 4 3 2 1

Bye school I wonrsquot be missing it I 1047298ow away ast Now what

should I do next now that my school is gone World and I have

a present or all a bomb And also one last thing beware o me

Oh itrsquos not like Gina wasnrsquot warned about it Earlier in the day

while she was working comortably in her warm home offi ce shersquodreceived a call rom Katiersquos 1047297fh-grade teacher When the phone rang

and the name o her school district 1047298ashed on the caller ID Gina

knew something was wrong Te letters may have appeared small but

to Gina they lit up like a nuclear meltdown warning ldquoDanger Will

Robinsonrdquo

Almost instantly Gina elt a amiliar burn in her stomach ldquoOh

no Not againrdquo she cried out startling her little dog Max who was

napping by her eetGina had no idea what the call was about this time though she

knew it wouldnrsquot be good Tey never were

ldquoMrs Gallagher itrsquos the school psychologist Katie had another

meltdown todayrdquo

ldquoMrs Gallagher itrsquos the school nurse Katiersquos here with another

stomachacherdquo

ldquoMrs Gallagher Katiersquos hand 1047298apping has really increased Teother kids have noticedrdquo

Over the years the calls rom the school had been relatively sparse

maybe one or two every ew months But in the 1047297rst ew months o



SNOWFLAK ES AND DISN EY WORLD [ 13 ]

Katiersquos 1047297fh-grade year Gina had received more calls than the Jerry

Lewis telethon

With a disorder that affected her ability to relate to other childrenKatie was different rom other kids and the struggles o dealing with

her differences were escalating along with the school calls

Remember to breathe Gina reminded hersel as she shakily put

down her cocoa cup picked up the phone and braced hersel or the

bad news that was sure to come

ldquoH-H-Hellordquo she stuttered

ldquoMrs Gallagher this is Katiersquos teacherrdquo

ldquoYes what is it Whatrsquos wrongrdquoldquoWell something very upsetting happened at school todayrdquo

ldquoWhat was itrdquo Gina asked impatiently

ldquoWell or the holiday break I asked the class to write a snow1047298ake

essay rdquo

It might have been stress or her warped sense o humor but Gina

started to giggle

ldquoMrs Gallagher are you thererdquoldquoYes itrsquos just that I ail to see how anything upsetting can come out

o a snow1047298ake essayrdquo

ldquoWell this is very seriousrdquo

ldquoGo ahead Irsquom listeningrdquo Gina responded 1047297ghting back laughter

ldquoMrs Gallagher in her snow1047298ake essay your daughter threatened

to blow up the schoolrdquo

ldquoCome againrdquo

ldquoYou heard me Katie wrote a snow1047298ake essay and threatened toblow up the schoolrdquo

Gina couldnrsquot help but laugh

ldquoWe have to take these things very seriously Mrs Gallagherrdquo

ldquoIrsquom sure you do but you canrsquot honestly think Katie would hurt

anybody She wouldnrsquot hurt a 1047298y She doesnrsquot even like eating animal

crackersrdquo

ldquoBelieve me Mrs Gallagher Irsquom not araid o KatierdquoldquoYou shouldnrsquot be Irsquom not sure she knows how to build a bomb

She barely has her multiplication tables downrdquo Gina responded tip-

ping back in her chair and twisting the phone cord around her 1047297ngers




ldquoIrsquove made the principal aware and she doesnrsquot think we need to

alert the policerdquo

ldquoTe police You thought about calling the policerdquo Gina askedstraightening up in her chair as she pictured her sweet ten-year-old

in prison stripes

ldquoYes As I said we have to take these things seriouslyrdquo

ldquoCan I see a copy o this essayrdquo Gina blurted out

ldquoO course Irsquoll send it home in Katiersquos backpackrdquo

By the end o the school day Gina was rantically pacing at the bus

stop waiting or her ldquoLittle Unabomberrdquo to come home

ldquoHi Momrdquo Katie said climbing off the bus in her usual awkwardway o two eet on a step

ldquoGive me your backpack I need your backpackrdquo Gina demanded

ldquoSheesh Hererdquo Katie replied slowly shrugging it off her little

shoulders

ldquoHurry up Hurry uprdquo Gina shouted wiggling her anxious 1047297ngers

in Katiersquos ace

Holding the backpack in ront o her as though it were a dirty dia-per Gina raced into the house and took the backpack into her offi ce

where she opened it extracted the weighty essay inside and started

to read A part o Gina had thought it was all a mistake or a joke but

when she saw her daughterrsquos name above the dark words on the page

she was smacked with the reality o it

Oh my God I have no idea whatrsquos going on in my daughterrsquos head

Is she suicidal Does she want to hurt others

Distraught that she could be having these thoughts about a childshersquod raised Gina immediately conronted Katie

ldquoKatherine did you write thisrdquo she asked staring down at her

daughter and using Katiersquos ormal ldquoyoursquore in troublerdquo name

ldquoYes Mom Are you mad Am I in trouble Do I have to go to

the principalrdquo Katie asked tears alling down her ace leaving red

blotches on her sensitive cheeks

ldquoKatie why did you do this Do you know how serious this isrdquoGina cried

ldquoMom I didnrsquot mean it I did it to be unny Te boys next to me




were talking about hurting the principal and I just wanted to make

them laughrdquo

ldquoWhy Why would you do thatrdquoldquoI wanted to 1047297t in Mom Irsquom different I hate being different All

I want to do is 1047297t in Te kids all think Irsquom weird I canrsquot take it any-

more Momrdquo Katie said bursting into ull sobs

ldquoOh honey donrsquot say that Yoursquore not different Yoursquore just like ev-

erybody elserdquo Gina said but deep in her heart she knew her daughter

was right And it hurt her like no other hurt she had ever experienced

Gina hugged Katie and walked her to her room ldquoHoney Mommy

has some things she needs to take care o Wersquoll talk about this laterrdquoTen she went into her room closed the door and cried like a baby

silently asking God Why did you give my daughter this disability

Why Why does she have to suffer And why me Irsquom not strong enough

or this I canrsquot handle this

For the 1047297rst time in her thirty-eight years o living Gina Gallagher

elt like she wanted to die She couldnrsquot bear the thought o being there

to watch her daughter struggle or the rest o her lie

Pattyrsquos ldquoWild Riderdquo into Reality

Our mother always said ldquoTere must be nothing worse than los-

ing a childrdquo Patty never understood what she meant until she had

a child o her own and thought she might lose her though in a di-

erent way

ldquoDonrsquot leave me Come back Mom help merdquoldquoKeep walking Michael Donrsquot look backrdquo Patty commanded her

husband tightly squeezing his hand as they walked together down the

cold sterile hallway

She paused as Michael stopped and removed his steamed-up

glasses to wipe away the tears 1047298owing beneath them

What are we doing here Patty wondered to hersel Tis canrsquot be

happening She had afer all led a happy normal childhood Te only hospi-

tal in her childhood was General Hospital Now here she was leaving




Why In-Patient HospitalizationWas Necessary

Patty brought Jennifer to the hospital for two reasons First she

wanted to ensure Jenniferrsquos safety and the safety of her two otherchildren Secondly she wanted to get an accurate diagnosis for

Jennifer LeeAnn Karg MEd explains why in-patient

hospitalization was necessary

In-patient hospitalizations are essential for effective

emergency psychiatric consultation They provide the safest

environment for the greatest number of specialists to

simultaneously evaluate your child under controlled

environmental and medical conditions

her eleven-year-old daughter Jennier all by hersel in a real hospital

A mental hospital

At that moment Patty wasnrsquot sure i she had lost her daughterorever But the truth was she had been losing Jennier or a ew years

She actually knew something was terribly wrong when Jennier

was just eight Patty and her amily were on a dream amily vacation

in Disney Worldmdashldquothe Happiest Place on Earthrdquo

Te evening parade had just ended Mickey Minnie and the gang

had 1047298oated away into the sunset leaving Pattyrsquos amily and her a-

vorite charactersmdashour mom dad brother and Ginamdashbehind Patty

couldnrsquot help but smile as she looked up and down the colorul streetsat all the amilies grinning rom mouse ear to mouse ear

Tat is until she was interrupted by an all-too-amiliar and pain-

ul screech

ldquoWhy do they have to leave Whyrdquo shouted eight-year-old

Jennier who was sitting on the curb hugging the Minnie Mouse on

her sweatshirt and 1047298ailing her legs

ldquoOh thatrsquos just great Itrsquos even happening hererdquo muttered Patty




helplessly realizing that the Magic Kingdom the place where ldquodreams

come truerdquo was about to turn into her personal nightmare

It really shouldnrsquot have surprised her Over the past ew monthsJennierrsquos moods had become increasingly unpredictable She would

cry or hours and become violent about the smallest things

ldquoWhy Why canrsquot I wear my jelly shoesrdquo

ldquoBecause Jenns itrsquos thirty degrees outside and snowingrdquo

ldquoWAAAAAHHHH I hate yourdquo

She was also becoming alarmingly destructive

ldquoJennier Marie What are you doing with my scissors and the

amily picturerdquoldquoIrsquom cutting mysel out I donrsquot want to be part o this amily any-

morerdquo

And during that dream vacation to Disneymdashthe one Jennier had

been excited about or months (ldquoHow many days till we go Mom

ell me ell merdquo)mdashher moods were just as unpredictable Somehow

Patty had actually thought Jennrsquos problems would disappear but in-

stead o seeing Snow White Patty saw her daughter magically trans-orm into Grumpy Saddy and Angry

ldquoWhy do I have to go in the haunted mansion I already have a

witch or a motherrdquo

Te sadness was the hardest part Jenn seemed to have no interest

in the places the amily went or the people who accompanied us

ldquoNo Mommy I donrsquot eel like riding Mr oadrsquos Wild Ride with

Nanardquo

ldquoHow about going or a swim Your cousins are all in the poolrdquoldquoNo thank you I want to stay here in the hotel roomrdquo

As Patty dragged a screaming Jennier (ldquoI hate you Irsquom going to

kill mysel i we leaverdquo) through the massive crowds toward the exit

to the park she glanced over at her our-year-old son Mikey who

was resting comortably in his stroller Why canrsquot Jennier be more like

him Hersquos so easy Patty thought while Jennier hissed ldquoI hate you

or making me leaverdquo and hurled a stuffed Minnie Mouse at Pattyrsquoshead

ldquoJenns honey itrsquos okayrdquo said Pattyrsquos husband Michael bending




down to pat her back ldquoMickey and Minnie just have to go home now

and so do we Wersquoll come back I promiserdquo

ldquoItrsquos all her aultrdquo Jennier screeched pointing at PattyldquoYou stupid jerk Jennierrdquo shouted her ldquosympatheticrdquo big sister

Jules ldquoDonrsquot talk to Mom like thatrdquo

ldquoJules Please shut uprdquo a stressed-out Patty yelled People in mouse

ears stopped to give her looks o disgust Oh she knew what they were

thinkingmdashHey bad mother why donrsquot you just smack that spoiled rotten

kid Beore she had Jennier she would have thought the same thing

Now she knew not to judge She also knew she had to get Jennier

out o theremdashast Te last thing the Disney PR people needed ontheir happy streets was a real-lie Cruella De Vil screaming at her

kid

Dragging Jennier ahead with newound purpose (Irsquove got to get

this bratty kid the hell out o here ) Patty tried to calm hersel She

began humming her avorite Disney songs to maintain her sanity

Both a little scared Beauty and the Beast

wenty minutes later when Jennier had screamed hersel into ex-haustion Pattyrsquos amily exited the tram to the parking lot and walked

toward their rental car When they got to the car an exhausted Patty

climbed into the passenger seat and told her husband ldquoMichael letrsquos

get the hell out o here I canrsquot stand to spend one more minute in the

Happiest Place on Earthrdquo

Our Neighbors in CrazyvilleAt the time we experienced these lie-altering incidents we thought

we were alone and no one understood our struggles Since then we

have met hundreds o parents who have experienced their own pain-

ul realizations about their children Parents who have had to com-

mit their children or see them locked up in prison Whatrsquos amazed us

is how these people have managed not only to survive these experi-

ences but also to learn rom them We discovered this at our 1047297rstspeaking engagement when a lovely woman announced ldquoYeah my

bipolar son is in jail againrdquo

ldquoTatrsquos terrible Wersquore so sorryrdquo we said




ldquoIrsquom not At least I know hersquos sae off drugs and getting three

squares a dayrdquo

Wersquore pretty sure her parental antasies never involved her son inan orange jumpsuit but somehow shersquos managed to ocus on the posi-

tive and make the most o her time in Crazyville







[ 11 ]

CHAPTER 1



























heavy
















Robinsonrdquo






meltdown todayrdquo


stomachacherdquo








Lewis telethon











essay rdquo


started to giggle













crackersrdquo










in prison stripes









shoulders


in Katiersquos ace




















them laughrdquo



















erent way























A mental hospital










ul screech


















morerdquo











Nanardquo






















kid























squares a dayrdquo









heavy
















Robinsonrdquo






meltdown todayrdquo


stomachacherdquo








Lewis telethon











essay rdquo


started to giggle













crackersrdquo










in prison stripes









shoulders


in Katiersquos ace




















them laughrdquo



















erent way























A mental hospital










ul screech


















morerdquo











Nanardquo






















kid























squares a dayrdquo









Lewis telethon











essay rdquo


started to giggle













crackersrdquo










in prison stripes









shoulders


in Katiersquos ace




















them laughrdquo



















erent way























A mental hospital










ul screech


















morerdquo











Nanardquo






















kid























squares a dayrdquo











in prison stripes









shoulders


in Katiersquos ace




















them laughrdquo



















erent way























A mental hospital










ul screech


















morerdquo











Nanardquo






















kid























squares a dayrdquo









them laughrdquo



















erent way























A mental hospital










ul screech


















morerdquo











Nanardquo






















kid























squares a dayrdquo



















A mental hospital










ul screech


















morerdquo











Nanardquo






















kid























squares a dayrdquo


















morerdquo











Nanardquo






















kid























squares a dayrdquo


















kid























squares a dayrdquo









squares a dayrdquo





shut up about your perfect kid by gina gallagher and patricia konjoian - excerpt

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