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She Fell (Fail) in Love..

Once Again...

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 About Notion Press

Notion Press is a Self-Publishing platform to write,

publish & sell Print books and eBooks around the

 world. To learn more, visit www.notionpress.com

She Fell (Fail) in Love.. Once Again... is a product of 

the Notion Press Author Incubation Program.

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She Fell (Fail) in Love..

Once Again...

Ramesh Tehlani

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Notion Press5 Muthu Kalathy Street, Triplicane, Chennai - 600005

First Published by Notion Press

Copyright © Ramesh Tehlani 2013

 All Rights Reserved.

ISBN: 978-93-83185-48-1

 This book is sold subject to condition that it shall not by way 

of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold or hired out, circulatedand no reproduction in any form, in whole or in part (except

for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews) may be

made without written permission of the publishers.

 This book has been published in good faith that the work of 

the author is original. All efforts have been taken to make

the material error-free. However, the author and the publisher

disclaim the responsibility for any inadvertent errors.

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SheShe camecame inin thethe world world

This tale begins three decades ago when ababy girl was born to a Brahmin educated

 woman Shakuntala Sharma and her husband

Indrasen Sharma, a Brahmin from Rajasthan. Although by profession, he was a governmentservant based in Mumbai, he also worked as apart time astrologer, and possessed great amountof knowledge of the planets. His predictionsproved accurate once again, when he became thefather of a second girl child. She was his third

child but he was aware that only two of hischildren would live to explore the world andexperience its challenges. Sometime knowledge

about the future gives dark feelings. 29th July 1980 was such a day for Indrasen that broughthim happiness along with a fear of the future.

 Although he was happy at the birth of a daughter,but it was a mixed blessing since he could foreseefrom his astrological knowledge that her stars were predicting an eventful life ahead. He namedher Shreeti and lovingly called her Smiley; whenpeople asked why such a nickname, he repliedthat he wants her to smile always, so he is starting

his efforts by giving her such a name. However,he knew deep inside his heart that she wouldconstantly be in search of smiles. Like all newbornbabies, she entered the world by crying. For thenext few months, she cried more than childrennormally did.

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Indrasen’s four-year old son Sanskar asked his

father, ‘Why Smiley cries so much?’Indrasen explained, ‘Imagine if you cannot

 walk, talk, eat, or drink, then what will you do?’Sanskar replied, ‘I will cry.’‘That’s why she cries always.’ The father

answered, as he was unsure how to elucidate tothe mind of a four year old, the game of planets,

 which had started showing their impact.Soon after the birth of Shreeti, Indrasen’s elder

daughter died due to typhoid. The family wasdevastated. Indrasen knew very well that his younger daughter’s misfortune had beenresponsible for the death of her sister but he couldonly see their future not change the destiny of his children. Besides, it made no sense to blamean infant for something that is not in her hands.He decided not to tell his wife or anyone else thetruth and reconciled himself with the fact that it was their fate.

Indrasen was reading the horoscope of his younger daughter late into the night, when hebegan contemplating. He wondered whether theability to foresee the future was good or bad.Mostly people are eager to know what is goingto happen in their lives but when they find out what is in store, the excitement fades away. Itis the suspense and the uncertainty that drives

us to strive for a better future. In the hopeof a better tomorrow, we work hard with faithand dedication. Knowledge is not always a boon. As they say, with great power comes greatresponsibility. However, there are always twosides of a coin. God gave us knife; some peopleuse it for murder and some for making food.

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Nature gave us fire; some use it for creation and

some for destroying the lives of others. Similarly, we always have the choice, to approach things with a positive outlook or to look at their negativeaspect and make our life miserable. Theknowledge of planets is God’s gift to me. It isthrough divine ower that I get the inspirationto study and foretell the kismet of other people.

There are millions of people, who do not know what they are supposed to do and how they should do it. They have wasted a lot of their timeand energy struggling for nothing. I show themthe path through which they can improve theircircumstances. Nevertheless, what is the use of allthis, when I am unable to help myself? I couldnot save my own daughter’s demise. No, I willnot accept defeat. I will do all things possible tomake the life of my surviving children better. Iknow I cannot change their destiny but from my experience, I have learnt that with our karma, wecan lower the negative effects and increase thepositive impact of planets. I will tell everything tomy Smiley and tell her how to face the challenges.I know I will not be always with her, but I willmake her strong and capable enough to face any kind of adverse situation.’

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FirstFirst LoveLove

Like all young girls, Shreeti also believed infairy tales. She dreamt of meeting her prince

charming someday, getting married, having two

children and living happily ever after in theirlovely house. Her dreams were shattered whenher father told her about her time ahead. Sheknew well about her father’s fame and reputationin the world of astrology. He was a man of principle and his predictions were mostly accurate. He never gave vague statements and his

objective was to help people, not to earn money by duping them. He was very popular in the city of dreams and had connections with topgovernment officials and ministers who oftenconsulted him before taking any major decision.

Indrasen wanted to prepare his daughter forthe tough life ahead. He told her that she wouldhave a challenging love and marital life. Her life will be full of emotional struggle. Though she will be financially secure and independent and gether parents’ faith and affection, she will not havemany good friends. He advised her to never cheator hurt anyone and live an ethical life. He told

her to be cautious in emotional relationships andnever consider love as the ultimate objective of life.

Shreeti listened to her father sincerely butsoon forgot his words. As she was her parent’sfavourite, she soon became arrogant and haughty.She was naturally beautiful and growing up in an

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upper-middle class and financially sound family 

made her over-confident and reckless. Her mother was a homemaker. She always tried to imbibe inher children moral values, ethics and discipline,but the external influence was more than internal. Although Shreeti’s father had warned her aboutthe challenges in her life, but she forgot hisadvises and she started having expectations that

she will meet the Mr. Perfect someday and have ablissful life.

While waiting for the day of her dreams,she experienced the feeling of love for the firsttime, at the tender age of ten. One day duringlunch break in school, she was playing with herfriends in the school playground. They were tryingto pick small flowers from a tree by throwinglittle stones. When the flowers fell down, they  would pick them up and collect them so they could make garlands for themselves. However, shecould not gather the pink and yellow ones andstarted crying. Suddenly, a boy two-three yearssenior came there and told her, ‘Don’t worry, you can take my flowers’ and left quietly aftergiving them to her. At that age, she could notapprehend what exactly it meant but she felt newand strange emotions inside her. Smiley felt herheart was smiling. Though they never exchangedany words after that, but gradually she became

aware that, for her, the most exciting part of theday was during the lunch break which she spent watching him while he played with his friends.She expected him to come over and talk to her.It never came to her little mind that maybe shecould go and start a chat with him. She had seen

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in movies that it was the hero who tried to find

excuses and start a conversation with the heroine.Shreeti spent the next few weeks in this

manner, watching him from a distance and hopingfor him to notice her again. She lost interest inher studies, and spent the major part of her day  viewing television. She hated holidays and eagerly  waited for weekdays, so she could see him and

feel the pleasure of his presence. She sufferedgreatly from the lovelorn feelings experienced by her young heart. It was so unfair that from thetwenty-four hours, she only got 20 minutes a day during lunch break to be near him. She spentmost of her time daydreaming about the thingsshe would say to him and they will do, once they exchange their feelings with each other.

Then one day, she prayed hard to God toonly arrange their meeting once. God decidedto grant her wish. While she was sitting there,the boy came over and asked her to play withthem. Smiley stood there dumbfounded unable tobelieve that it was not a dream. She could notcontain her joy, instead of answering him turnedand left the playground.

Later, she scolded herself for her stupidbehaviour. She could not understand what madeher walk away from an opportunity she had been waiting for days. She began apologizing to God

for not accepting his gift. She had wanted to walk hand in hand with him throughout the school. She wanted to share with him her lunch, toys, books,etc. but when she got the chance, she behavedlike a coward and ran away from there. She askedfor God’s forgiveness and begged for anotheroccasion, just one more miracle and this time,

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she would not let him down. For the next few

days, she prayed vehemently for her love but herdestiny came in between and nothing happened.She thought then that she should be courageousand do something. Maybe he felt offended by herbehaviour last time so he did not talk to heragain. She had suffered enough waiting; it wastime for her to initiate a conversation with him.

She cannot lose her friend for life. She does notneed to depend on God and destiny. She willcreate her own path to reach her destination. Shedecided that after three days she would proposehim.

Next three days, she practiced in front of themirror, how she would talk to him, what wouldshe say, how she would approach him. On thedecided day, she wore her best dress, which wasa gift given by her father for coming festival of Diwali. She went to school and prayed to thealmighty to be by her side. She waited eagerly forthe lunch break. When the bell tolled to announcethe recess, she left the class and ran at the fastestspeed towards his classroom. When she could notlocate him there, she went to the playground where he usually played with his friends. He was not there as well. She realised that he wasprobably absent that day. She felt hurt and missedhim. But she told herself not to be disappointed

and try tomorrow. Again, he was on leave anddid not come for the next five days. She gotextremely worried and tensed. When he didn’tappear the coming week as well, she finally askedhis classmates; who told her that his father hadbeen transferred to another city and they had leftthe town.

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Shreeti was devastated. She could not believe

that life could be so cruel to her. She lost interestin school and became unwell. She tried to find outthe whereabouts of the boy and his family but she was still very little and could not do much. Shehoped that some day he would come and take heraway with him. She learnt by this experience thatGod listens to your prayers only once and grants

 you your wishes; but if you lose the opportunity, you may not get another chance.

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TeenTeen Age Age

Time passes at its own sweet pace. For ushumans, the passage of time is usually 

reflective of our emotions. It is slow during wait

and it is fast when we are afraid. Time is long when we feel sad and it is short when we feelhappy. It is slow and painful during a difficultperiod and travels at the speed of light when oneis happy and excited. Time is determined by mentality, not by clock.

Shreeti spent a few months crying over the

memory of her first love but her heart healedeventually. She moved on to other things. Herparents were busy with their lives; and she didn’tshare much camaraderie with her brother. Besidesthe concepts at school, her source of educationbecame the television. She spent most of the timeon the couch watching her favourite shows andagain her young heart filled with hopes of findingher dream man. As she entered teenage, Shreetinoticed new changes in her body.

 At the age of fifteen, she became attracted toa classmate, who had recently joined the school.She did not want to repeat the mistake of her

childhood. They became friends and startedspending their free time in each other’s company.They also went to watch movies together a fewtimes. She realised that she felt more love forhim when he wasn’t around. She spent most of the time imagining and dreaming about their lifetogether. In his absence, she missed him badly.

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She started to think of herself as the heroine of 

a Bollywood movie with the two of them singingromantic songs. She decided that she’ll not loseher love at any cost and was ready to fight for it,if need be. They will marry some day and have ahouse of their own. She was sure that her wisheshad been finally granted and she had found hertrue love.

One day they got the opportunity to spendsome time alone in an empty classroom. They  were talking generally about their school life when Shreeti asked him if he wanted to spendthe rest of his life with her. Instead of answeringher question, he took her in his arms and kissedher. It was her first kiss. It made her dizzy andextremely happy. She felt strange new sensationsinside her, which she had never known before.She was flying and the world around her wasbright and colourful. She could hear a sweetmusic in the background. Initially, she pretendedto be shy but then she hugged him as she hadseen in the movies often.

Suddenly she heard noises outside. As she triedto stand up and check, he held her hand andpulled her back. There was a hushed laughter. Shestood up and went to the door. When she openedit, some friends of her boyfriend were huddledin the corridor. Shreeti was shocked. She couldn’t

imagine how they appeared on the scene. Did they know about their meeting? It made her uneasy.She picked her bag from the classroom and leftquietly. In the evening, she got a call from herclassmate Kalpana. She told her that her boyfriend was making a fool of her. Many girls had beenhis victim. Kalpana found out today from one

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of the boys in his group that he places bets on

girls; makes them his girlfriend for a few daysand develop physical intimacy with them. It wasShreeti’s turn now and today he had won the betagain. All those boys had been invited to see bothof them kissing.

Shreeti was shattered. Her dreams had beenbroken like a piece of glass. She loved him more

than anything. She had trusted him blindly and hehad used her to boost his ego. She wept all nightin her room. She was crushed by his betrayal andfelt that her fate was punishing her for falling inlove. Her mind was filled with these thoughts:

‘I have heard somewhere there is silentdarkness in the destiny of love. When we meetsomeone and fall in love, we think we are therulers of the world. Everything becomes beautifuland astonishing, but all pleasures are temporary.Everything has its end. Love clearly is not madefor me and I am not destined to be successful insuch a relationship.’

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SearchSearch of of Mr.Mr. RightRight BeganBegan

Shreeti was distressed for the next few months.Her lively nature suffered a major change.

Her incessant chatter converted into one word and

one-line answers at home and school. She avoidedany sort of unnecessary conversation. When hermother asked her the reason; she said that it wasbecause of the pressure of examinations. Shepromised herself that she will never fall in loveagain. She will remove the word from herdictionary and concentrate on her studies.

During the exams, she used to study withher friend Sulochna. They were the same ageand studied in same standard but in differentschools. Their fathers worked together in the samegovernment department and were good friends.Sulochna used to stay over at Shreeti’s place, sothey could prepare all night for the coming exams.Once, Sulochna shared her emotional feelings with Shreeti. She had also suffered from a failedrelationship. Sulochna told her about a thingcalled masturbation that she had discovered by chance. It gave her immense pleasure and helpedher in forgetting all her sorrow. She said that

 you do not have to depend on someone to feelexcitation. One can achieve sensual pleasure fromtheir body. She taught her the technique. Itinvolved touching and rubbing one’s private parts with fingers. Shreeti tried it and could not stopherself any more. She felt strong sensations insideher; as if waves of pleasure were radiating

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through her body. Her genitals became tense

and she felt ecstatic. It was heavenly; she feltlight-headed and relieved of all her stress. This was the first time she felt an orgasm. It was a wonderful experience. It was like having wingsand flying through the earth carelessly. She feltcontent. Sulochna told her that people feel similarpleasure during sex. She said that masturbation is

better than having sexual intercourse as man doesnot care about the woman’s emotions and only his own gratification. After Sulochna left, Shreetibegan to wonder,

‘God has created wonderful things in theuniverse for our happiness. Happiness resides within us. We do not need to depend on anyone.Then why do people search for happiness throughrelationships and materialistic things? Someonehas said truly that our happiness is in our ownhands. But can they be compared? Is it the samething? Mummy says there is a difference between what is right and what is good. All good thingsare not necessarily the right ones, just as allthat we feel is bad is not actually wrong. Weshould always choose the right path and not theeasier one for our permanent happiness. Then thequestion arises, why right things do not make ushappy? What should be the basis of our decision?Life gives us both pain and pleasure. I am trying

to get pleasure through pain; is it right or wrong?Is it sin? Please help me to understand this, God.’Shreeti gave her exams with a distracted mind.

They didn’t go very well and she expected amediocre result. She practiced masturbation a fewtimes during exam days. She also discussed it with some of her friends. Only two-three knew

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about it. They discussed the various methods and

myths of masturbation. One of them told herthat masturbation can be done using bananas,carrots, candles and other hard pole objects. Somesaid that it can leave spots on her private partsand others had heard that it can lead to loss of mental balance and pregnancy also. Despite allsuch threats, she continued to indulge herself in

this activity at least once in a week. After the completion of her exams, she again

started thinking about her dreams and future.She was puzzled whether she should look for herprince charming or not? Meanwhile she heardsome Bollywood romantic songs which left a bigimpression on her teenage heart. One day sheread the story of the Ant. Though they are suchtiny creatures, ants never quit. If they are headedin a direction and a hurdle comes in they way,they find another path. They will climb over,under or around but they will not accept defeateasily. The story motivated Shreeti; she learneda great lesson for life to never quit and look foran alternative way to reach your destination. Shedecided that she will not let go her dreams. She will do whatever she can to meet the love of herlife.

During the next year, she tried to concentrateon her studies but her mind was unable to

concentrate. Her subconscious mind alwaysreminded her to search for Mr. Right. She wantedto focus on her studies and career but the feelingof loneliness and need of love constantly disturbedher. Around this time, she developed a crush on aboy in her tuition classes. She started enjoying hiscompany immensely. They started spending quite

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some time together. But on the day she was about

to confess to him her feelings, he introduced herto his girlfriend. She was stunned, just when she was sure she had met her soul mate, something went wrong. She was disappointed; it came toher mind that her search for love is only givingher pain, suffering and frustration. She made upher mind that now she would leave the matter

of choosing her life partner on her parents anddestiny. Parents understand the psychology of  young hearts. They know best what is good fortheir child and from their experience they are ableto take wiser decision.

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TutorTutor

This year was very crucial from academic viewpoint. The result and percentage of 

senior secondary exams would decide her

entrance into good college for further studies. She was an average student and didn’t get very goodmarks. When the last three months before theexams were left, her friend Sulochna advised herto take tuitions for Accountancy and Economics which were her weak subjects so she could getadmission in a good commerce college of Mumbai.

Shreeti spoke to her parents for takingcoaching classes. Her mother did not allow herto take tuition because she had recently readin newspapers about tutor-student affairs andscandals. Her father and elder brother thensuggested taking services of home tutor. Herbrother had taken tuition from Farhan Ahmedin his senior secondary and secured fair marks.Parents agreed that he could come home and takeher classes. Her brother Sanskar requested Farhanand he agreed.

He started taking classes between 5pm to 7pm thrice in a week at their home. He used to

take six batches of two hours duration of four tosix students in a day at his home. In this case,he was getting substantial fees and he had togive only three days in a week. He was a goodlooking twenty-seven year old Muslim unmarriedboy. He had a clear reputation in the market. He was far from any kind of scandal and bad habits.

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His image was of a sincere and dedicated student

and tutor. After obtaining his Master’s degree withexcellent marks, he was now preparing for hisPHD. He never used to discuss personal matters with any student.

While teaching Shreeti, he noticed that mostly her mind was somewhere else and she couldn’tconcentrate but he never questioned her. He

thought it might be because of her unstable youngmind that she was distracted so easily. She, on theother hand, was very impressed with Farhan as he was the perfect teacher. He taught her in such a way that she was soon able to learn the conceptsand solve her accounting questions easily.

One day she was not in a mood to study and wanted to have non-subject discussion with him.It was Saturday; her mother was as gone to thetemple for one hour. They were both alone athome. She started by asking, ‘Farhan Sir, why are you still bachelor?’

Farhan replied, ‘It is a personal matter. Please,focus on your studies, don’t waste time.’

‘Farhan Sir, please let’s take a break today. Youhave been teaching me from the last one and half month, but still we do not know much about eachother. I think, I should know about my teacher.’Shreeti said politely.

‘Shreeti, I am here to teach you, not for

personal discussions. Well, if you want to knowabout me, listen, my father died nine years back and I am the only son of my mother with threesisters. We are not financially strong. I have toarrange bread and butter for my family and my priority is to do ‘nikaah ’ of my sisters. My twosisters are married now. After the marriage of my 

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third sister, I will think about my own. Got the

answer’ Farhan said a little angrily.‘Sir, please don’t get furious. Would you like to

have tea? I will make it for you. You have to takeit.’ She asked. Farhan stated that he did not drink tea or coffee.

‘Sir, do you love someone?’ Shreeti enquired.‘Shreeti, it’s not your business.’ Farhan felt

enraged. She had touched a chord within himand he was deeply hurt. He was in love withone of his Hindu classmate but due to family problems, he convinced his heart to compromise with the circumstances. He did not want to createa blunder in society, so he thought it was betterto forget her.

‘Sir, please tell me, do you have any experienceof love? You have solved my accounting problems.Please solve my query of love too. I want toknow about love. As you are very intelligent, Ifeel you can answer my question.’ She touchedhis hand while asking this question. It gave asensational feeling to Farhan. It was after a longtime that he had been touched by a girl. He hadkilled his all emotions. Today, the buried emotionsemerged like a volcano erupts after hundreds of  years. However, he controlled himself. He wasstill young and even he had basic human needs.Shreeti was charming and beautiful. Anyone can

fall in love with her. Farhan had to control hisfeelings, as he was her teacher. He removed hishands from the table. Shreeti was in full moodof fun. She touched his leg by her leg. Farhangot confused. He was scared that if someone sawthem or came to know about it; it will destroy hisimage, which could lead to negative impact on his

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business. On the other hand, he was enjoying the

attention and the feelings that woke up in himafter an era.

‘Shreeti, please control yourself. If someone will come and see us, what will theythink.’ Farhan was trying to hide his fear.

‘Sir, don’t worry, door is closed and if someone will come, he will knock first’ Shreeti answered

smartly.‘Shreeti, but it is wrong. You are my student.’‘Sir, I like you very much. I wanted to say this

from last one week but could not dare to. I havebeen unable to sleep from the last few days. Ido not want anything from you. I just like you,nothing else.’

‘Shreeti, I have to go now. Please remove suchthoughts from your mind. We have to respect ourteacher-student relationship.’

‘Sir, doesn’t a teacher and a student love eachother? I don’t think I am committing a sin by thinking this way. But if you don’t like, I will notdiscuss it in future.’

‘It’s enough for the day, I am going.’ He saidand left the home with hundreds of new andstrange thoughts in his mind.

 After a long time, Shreeti was arrested by emotions of love, once again. She wondered, ‘Is itlove or infatuation? Why do I miss him on days

he is not here? I opened my heart and expressedmy feelings to him, but seems like he doesn’tfeel the same way. Why doesn’t he want to getinvolved with me? Is it because I am his student?Or due to the age difference between us? Maybeit is because I am Hindu and he is Muslim? Butheart does not know any religion, profession, or

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She Fell (Fail) in Love..

Once Again...