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SHARK FIGHTS: A Brief Dialogue.

Characters:

Josh Phoenix- tattoo clad, long haired epitome of "dude" who managed to score three platinum

albums back in the heyday that was the hair metal age of the 80s. Known universally for his singles

"&$", "Awkward High Five" ft Elton John, and "Baby, Why? (Did You Run Me Over With My Own

Car)". Hasn't released any material since 1989, and is too lazy to do so. Forgotten by our generation.

Daniel Samuels Ceit (D.Ceit)- Of British origin; The no. 1 manager in Hollywood, though he's been

accused of illicit behaviour in the industry. Always seizes a moneymaking opportunity.

Willard and Smytha- Two news reporters.

11 PM. June 25th, 2009, two days after Michael Jackson's mysterious death. MJ's repertoire is selling

through the roof. Thriller is playing nonstop on nearly every radio station, and, when watching

television, footage of MJ past and present is ubiquitous. In the heart of Tinseltown, washed up

fortysomething rock guitarist Josh Phoenix is squinting at the screen in the living room of his

mansion. His wily manager, Daniel Ceit, is with him, also watching the news channel carefully....

JP: Hard to believe, isn't it? [spits into trash can] He's actually gone,man. Like, wow, Its like he's alive,

but he's...not. Damn.

D.Ceit: Indeed, that man progressively edged towards being a complete wreck. But look at his riches.

Perennial. Perfect. Lucrative, if I do say so myself....unlike you.

JP: Alright dude, stop rubbing it in,man. If I built a theme park for little tykes in my backyard then

Michael jordan and I would be like, equal in fame and stuff.

D.Ceit: Goodness, Phoenix,

you're getting nowhere, won't get anywhere, and haven't gotten anywhere in the past 22 years.

JP: Shut it man.. I went on that chat show...and then did that dancing thing...what's it called again?

[swigs whiskey]

D.Ceit: yep, indeed, how meritorious of you. It was called dancing on ice, and you were knocked out

in the first round. *Sigh*... Josh, this isn't the 80s anymore. People don't buy tapes and VCR players .

They don't listen to rock as much, either. You know what they do? They listen to croaky drugged

rappers sing through autotune with a drumset. But it works. It brings the dough.

JP: Well what do ya want me to do man? I've got nothing apart from this mansion, all my

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connections to the music industry and my nomination to the rock and roll hall of fame in 3 years*

time. That's...all I'm really living for, man. You know what? Get out man. You're done man. Just like

leave. Like now.

D.Ceit: Oh what a damn shame! I'll just have to chill with kanye and slash, people whom actually

leave their houses at least once a decade. Damnit Phoenix. You're as good as dead [Throws cigar intofireplace, slams the door shut]

[Phoenix hurls a shot glass at the closed door. A few seconds pass,D. Ceit enters the room again]

JP: Dude, c'mon, just like depart my premises...

D. Ceit: THAT'S IT!!!!

JP: What?

D.Ceit: That's the solution!! Goodness I'm a genius. Listen carefully. You...you die. Well, precisely,you fo-

JP: No man. Just no, alright?

D. Ceit: You blithering idiot. You FAKE YOUR OWN death! You'll be the top story on every news

channel if you're "dead". You'll get the publicity, people will flock to buy your albums....it's perfect!

JP: But like, if anyone saw me on the street, they would totally like, bust a nut and call the cops...

man.

D.Ceit: well OBVIOUSLY you won't stay in L.A., Einstein. I've a hideaway in French Polynesia that you

can escape to. Be polite though, the last Caucasian man those folks met was

JP: well, OK man, if that's what will help. But , what will my..."death" be, like , caused by?

D.Ceit: You decide. Something believable...[turns towards the door] start packing...

*Few hours later. 6A.M. a News studio in Los Angeles*

Willard: this is B.S. 6A.M. News. We've just received word from guitarist Josh Phoenix's agent that

the musician has been found dead

Smytha: yep, renowned Hollywood insider and Phoenix's manager Daniel Ceit issued a statement an

hour ago outside St. Vincent hospital in Los Angeles stating that Phoenix had allegedly been floating

on a surf board at around 3 AM when he spotted a "pair of sharks fighting". Apparently Phoenix then

made a wholehearted attempt to " intervene and break up the shark fight, restoring peace to the

ocean." His body hasn't been recovered yet but I assume it's probably wedged between sharks'

gums.

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Willard: Tragic stuff. We'll be airing a tribute montage to Phoenix in our 9 A.M. show "This is Good

Morning Time" next. In other news, The Federal Aviation Administration has reported a plane to

French Polynesia via Honolulu has crashed..."