This Edition’s Topic:This Edition’s Topic:

Connecting With NatureConnecting With NatureConnecting With Nature

We hope this brings you comfort We hope this brings you comfort

and hope for the future.and hope for the future.

Sharing Magazine...Sharing Magazine...Sharing Magazine... touching lives…

healing hearts…

giving hope...

Volume 24, Issue 4Volume 24, Issue 4

July/August 2015July/August 2015

Dear Friends,

As you all know, summer is well underway here in the Midwest; yet like many

other areas of the country, it is surprisingly wet and rainy. Hopefully we will all see

drier days soon and be able to resume our usual summer activities!

Here at the National Share office, we have been busy planning for the events of our

upcoming year: we are happy to announce that we are launching registration for

our upcoming Walk for Remembrance and Hope, as well as planning for our

monthly support groups and additional training opportunities. We are especially

honored to be working on the details of our coming memorial events, one of our

most touching ways we are privileged to serve our families. Our new staff

members, Sarah and Shannon, are joining in full force bringing their wonderful

gifts and talents to our work each day. We are truly blessed!

We are also pleased to announce the arrival of Miranda Coker, BSN, to our staff as

our local Share Group Facilitator. Miranda has many years of experience serving

bereaved, grieving families in the St. Louis area and has worked alongside Cathi

Lammert for more than a year leading our local Support Group. As Cathi steps

back to become a full-time Nana to her growing group of grandchildren, Miranda

will step up to lead full-time, and continue to guide our families through their grief

in a supportive, compassionate and loving environment. Welcome, Miranda!

In June, our Share training team traveled to Women’s and Children’s Hospital in

Columbia, Missouri to offer our three-day Sharing and Caring seminar to sixty-

three professionals from eight facilities in mid Missouri, all who were looking to

enhance their perinatal bereavement programs and the care they offer families

when they experience the loss of their baby. We are so grateful for this

opportunity, for we know that by educating more caregivers, we are creating access

to care for families that need it, in areas that previously had none to offer!

In this issue, we are addressing how connecting with nature can be a powerful

source of healing for many who are grieving. The majesty and beauty of our world,

especially during this season of warmth, when outdoor activities and experiences

abound, makes this topic very timely and relevant to explore. As always, we have

invited parents and professionals to share their ideas, adventures, experiences, and

meditations in very personal and meaningful ways. We know how the stories of

others deeply touch our hearts, and provide the hope and connection during times

of sorrow and struggle that spur us in our own journeys.

We are so hopeful that there will be something for each person reading this

newsletter that speaks and connects to your heart. Even the tiniest, briefest

thought of hope can be like a seed, that if we let it take root in us, can bring forth a

lovely, gentle, healing harvest. Our hope for each one as you venture out this

summer season is that the seeds of such hope and healing surround you, and are

given the bright chance to flourish.

Blessings to you and your family,

Behind the Scenes...

Rose Carlson

Program Director

Jen Wilmes

Accounting Manager

Jennifer Stachula

Chapter Coordinator

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Debbie Cochran, RN

Executive Director

Miranda Coker

Support Group

Facilitator

Patti Budnik

Companion

Coordinator

Jaclyn Nikodym

Development & PR

Associate

Sarah Lawrenz

Development

Director

Shannon Keating

Administrative

Assistant

Debra Cochran, RN

In Every Issue...

Dear Friends……………………….…2

In Memory Of…….….….….….….….6

Features...

4………….Avery at Gull Lake

5………….Sharing & Caring Fall Bereavement Training

5………….International Perinatal Bereavement Conference 7……..…...Garden of Hope 8……..…..Making a Difference

8……..…..Making a Difference (continued)

10….…..Soul’s Connection to Nature 10……..New Bereavement Room in St. Louis Hospital

11……….Liminality

11……….Heartbeats & Halos

12……….I Lost a Child, Is My Job Protected? 12……….Share Balloon Found 13……….The Flutter of Ever Upward & Book Review 14……….Emma’s Gifts

15……….Emma’s Gifts 16……….The Most Magnificent Name

16………..Share’s New Group Facilitator 17………..Book Review: Something Small

17………..My Sweet Michael

Contents

Sharing is the official newsletter of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. © 1997

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Avery at Gull Lake By: Heidi Chandler, Author of Holding Avery

I spent my youth living in the country, where my summer days were spent catching frogs in bubbling brooks and listening to cornstalks rustling in the breeze. We'd spend weekends on the lake and I'd float for hours, watching the clouds transform into pirate ships before my captivated eyes. It was a time before high-tech computers and cell phones, a place where you could hear yourself think and feel yourself breathe. But time doesn't stand still - I eventually grew up, went to college, moved to the city, and became "plugged in." Each new adult responsibility took me further away from the magic of nature, and I forgot what it felt like to simply close my eyes and be.

My daughter Avery, my first child, was stillborn in July 2008. There was an angry thunderstorm that day, as if Mother Nature herself mourned my loss. The streets flooded, trees fell, and the lights flickered on and off as I lay in my hospital bed staring into my daughter's face. Every nerve ending in my body ached with despair, and I was positive I'd never feel joy again. I went home the next day, my arms empty, miserable and confused. The weeks that followed offered nothing but magnificent sunshine, a cruel juxtaposition to the sadness that had invaded my home. I was a recluse, drowning in grief and hiding within those walls, spending every waking hour screaming Why? to deafening silence.

When I was five months pregnant with Avery, my husband and I bought a boat. It was a little yellow ski boat we affectionately dubbed "The Big Banana," and we'd spent the first part of the summer floating lazily around the lake a few miles from our house. The cool water was a perfect reprieve for my tired, swollen body, and towards the end of my pregnancy Gull Lake was the only place I truly felt like myself.

Six weeks after we lost Avery, I returned to the lake. I was scared, hesitant to revisit a place that

held so many memories; I had never even been on our boat without my daughter. Everything there was same - the boat, the shoreline, our friends - but I was a completely different person, a shell of my former self, in desperate need of healing. At first I was angry, annoyed by the beauty around me and livid at the ease at which life marched on. But over time, the power of nature was undeniable. I'd stare up at the sky and see Avery in a passing cloud, the vapor shifting

into angels' wings for a split second, as if I were the only one meant to see it. A warm breeze would brush against my cheek and I'd close my eyes and relish it, certain it was my daughter sending me a kiss from above. I'd jump in the lake and feel her gliding next to me, wrapping me in her arms. Her red lips painted every sunset; her innocence composed every songbird's melody. I saw Avery in every starlit sky, in every blooming flower, in every drop of rain - and I suddenly knew I would be okay.

We had Avery cremated; her ashes sit in a silver urn in my bedroom. When we brought her home I began the ritual of giving her a kiss every night before bed - sometimes I pick up the urn and shake it, just to hear the soft whoosh whoosh of my daughter's remains. But if I truly want to talk to my daughter I go outdoors, to the lake or the forest or the field, to a place where I can simply be, to a place where I know I can hear her talk back. Reconnecting with

nature has helped heal my grieving soul. It's taught me how to breathe again and how to live again. But most importantly, it's helped me realize that, while Avery may not walk this earth, my daughter will always live on in my heart.

This article was submitted by Heidi Chandler, the author of the beautiful memoir, Holding Avery.

heidichandler.com

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International Perinatal Bereavement Conference

Sharing & Caring Perinatal Bereavement Training

Consider joining us! The National Share Office will host a Sharing & Caring: Perinatal Bereavement Training on September 25, 26, & 27, 2015 in St. Peters, MO.

The training provides individuals with the tools needed to work with families who have experienced the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or . The training explores pertinent topics such as the rights of parents, understanding the grief process, how to run a support group effectively, and how to gain the support of hospital staff.

This workshop has been approved by the Missouri Nurses Association and the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) to award 17.75 contact hours to those who attend.

Costs

$500; 2 or more registrants: $400 each

Fees include all workshop materials, snacks, beverages, and lunch on Friday and Saturday.

Workshop Location

Spencer Road Community Commons 427 Spencer Road, St. Peters, MO 63376

The Spencer Road Community Commons are approximately 15 minutes from Lambert St. Louis International Airport.

For more information, visit www.nationalshare.org.

Download the training PDF here!

Mark your calendars for an exceptional perinatal

bereavement conference in sunny Phoenix, AZ!

Phoenix Marriott Tempe at the Buttes in

Tempe, AZ on September 28th – October 1, 2016

The conference committee has released the Call for

Proposals and the deadline is August 15th! For more

information, please go to

www.perinatalbereavementconference.org.

For additional details, stay tuned on the PLIDA

website, www.plida.org, follow on Twitter

(@PLIDAnetworking), or like on Facebook.

Please congratulate those who completed the Sharing

and Caring workshop in March, 2015!

In Memory of… Adalyn Rose Belter By: Julie & Bryan Belter

Luke Charles Blackford We are so sorry about the loss of your precious little one. With deepest sympathy and prayers for comfort and peace.

By: Elizabeth Algutifan

Our heartfelt prayers are with all of you during this difficult time. Bankhead & Rodabough Orthodontics. By: Brent Bankhead So sorry for your loss, hoping this will also help others.

By: Danette Neikirk

You are a very blessed child, with a very loving family! May peace be with you. By: Aaron Specker

By: Tiphanie Vogel

By: Barbara & Barbara Polsky

By: Sherilyn Raders

By: Larry and Lisa Lapinski

Baby Busking The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God.

By: Megan Cunningham

Samuel Byers By: Bank of America Matching Gifts This is a matched gift made in loving memory of Samuel Byers

Shanel Lauren Douglas We will always remember and always love our first grandchild. Grumpy and Grandmama. By: Lauren Murphy Angel O'Minee Elliot By: Taryn Foster

Claire Eloise Hammer Kelly, Mien and I wish we could be there tonight to honor baby Claire. I think about her all the time and know she has been with us in several different instances. She is doing more than we can ever imagine. Claire has made me a better person and I see it in you as well. I feel her love everyday and hope you do too. I wanted to send you flowers today, but I thought this is more important. I hope this helps Share Foundation to support another family like yours. Love you so much Kelly. By: Erin Dowling

Howard Mansker Our deepest sympathies. Your dad sounds like a mover and shaker, doing so many good things! A loss for not only you, but many. By: Kim and Bob Croak

Additional Donations By:

Dorothy Bradley Greg Aitken

Carol Bilderback

Anna Mae Brueggemann

Classes of 1946 and 1947 Jim Comisky

Courtney Dagner

June Elwyn

Jim Gerlach Kay Hapke

Frances Hawkins

Pat Hillyard

Jane Kyhnert Carolyn Loesing

Mary Mahan

Pearl Mahan

Rebecca Nagel Beverly & Thomas Osterholt Jr Laura Small

Gabriel Azrael Haworth This donation is for your sweet baby boy, Gabriel Azrael Haworth.

By: Kate Nichols

Penelope Rose

By: Susan Popovich

Tommy Henriksen In loving memory of Tommy, who was lost on June 1, 2006. By: Rachel Hauck

Abigail and Octavia Mangrum By: Gena & Thomas Boger

Owen and Lani Friedman By: Jay Friedman Sam Newton Ted, Abby, and Sam-you're in my thoughts and prayers.

By: Sarah Boyce Catherine Orr We continue to think about and pray for sweet Catherine. By: John Gunn

Mackenzie Harper Scroggs By: Adriana and Mike Nicholson Emily M. Sutton (1997); Madelyn M. Sutton (2004); Conner S. Sutton (2007) By: Karen & Randy Sutton

Jacob Thompson I've made a donation in memory of Jacob in honor of Mother's Day & Father's Day. I love you! Love, Hilary By: Hilary Shirven Coleman Christopher Urzi Happy Birthday to our beautiful angel, Coleman. We love you. Pat, Tracy and Jordyn. By: Tracy Goodall

Seth Allen Watson By: Heather Watson

Hunter Charles Webb By: Betsy & Ryan Webb

Tess Welker By: Brian Welker

Mateo Wilson By: Tim and Allison Dudash

Thank You for Your Gifts!

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In Honor of… Three Irish Girls and Ravelry This donation is made in behalf of the knitters and crocheters brought together through Three Irish Girls and Ravelry. The have such a supportive community for those grieving the loss of their babies that it shows their true nature and compassion. From this compassion, the have continually showed their support for our annual fundraising efforts for this remarkable organization. By: Kelly Goetzman Friends of Share… Wayne Alexander

Ethel & Mike Backer

Yvonne & Bob Brossette

Dixie Buford

Nikki Cordosi

Alicia Cummisky Raymond D'Auria

Marilyn & David Fitzgerald

Mark & Betty Fuller Wendy E. Garcia-Mercado

Crystal Gatewood

Shirley & Ron Haake

Brenda & Richard Hecht Brian & Julia Henry

Katie Johnson

Darryl Kessler

Andrea & Adam Kroll Susan Krupa

Cathi & Chuck Lammert

Angela & Robert Laurence

Linda & Bill Levin Steven Light

Jessica & Mathew Luebbers

Annemarie & Matt Lueders

Francoise & David McCollister Janice & Colin McCoy

Janice McKie-Maxwell

Karen Mumm

Lauren Murphy

Adam Negron Amaryllis Paschal

Judith & Bill Prather

Rich and Joan Provaznik

David J. Reinhart Chris & Shelby Roberdeau

David and Jamie Sauerburger

Evelynne Schuetz

Valerie Sturm Jeff Sullivan

Melanie Supranowich

George Venegoni

Deb & Dean Welsch Donna Wiltsie

Debra Wipfler

Karen & Jack Zerr

McKinsey & Company Monsanto Fund

Women's Care Consultants

Bravelets

Thank You for Your Gifts!

We have created a garden to honor our baby daughter, Valerie Hope, who was born in February 2010. It sits right outside my bedroom window and every day I look outside that window and think of her. When I am feeling down I stare at the garden and I am reminded that I need to find happiness because that is what she would have wanted.

Every spring I anxiously await the arrival of warmer weather and the flowers that will return from the previous year. There is nothing that makes me feel closer to my daughter than getting my hands in the dirt and freeing my mind of the pain of her loss. When I see those flowers come back I feel a renewed sense of hope about life and love. We have also decorated it with wind chimes and other decorations that remind us of her.

I am always looking for signs that my daughter is with us and this spring she sent us the best sign ever. Last fall my husband gave me some tulip bulbs to plant and inside the bag were twenty bulbs to plant. This spring I was anxiously waiting and waiting for the tulips to start blooming. To my surprise and amazement there are at least double the amount of

tulips that have bloomed.

My husband made the perfect comment about the sight of all of those tulips. It is a sign that Valerie wants us to be happy. I look at those tulips and think about how wonderful and precious life is. Those tulips will not be around for long but each spring as the warmer weather returns I am filled with a renewed sense of hope. Hope that she is always with us.

Garden of Hope By: Kathleen Berg

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I’ve learned some tough lessons, and a lot about myself, after the loss of my two beautiful babies.

When I lost my daughter in 2004, I did what every other guy I grew up with would do; I put my head down, tried to support my wife and pushed through the pain as fast and as hard as I could. I thought I could deal with this pain by not dealing with it.

The first lesson I learned about myself was that I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was ­– not even close. About a year after I lost my daughter, feelings of dread, despair and depression crept in ever so slowly until I felt like I was paralyzed with fear.

About a month after I started to have these feelings, I lost my son. This was a blow I didn’t know how to handle. I’ve always been the optimistic problem solver, but I couldn’t find any solutions for this situation. After a few months, I realized that I needed help to get through this nightmare.

The months and years that followed required me to reprogram the way I thought and behaved. I learned that it is okay to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability goes hand in hand with something else I wasn’t comfortable with: transparency. I had to learn how to tell my story. As part of that, I learned to cry and show my emotions in front of other people. Truth be told, once I got comfortable with this, I couldn’t shut up. I found there was a direct correlation between telling my story and the easing of my emotional despair.

As my journey to a new me continued, I realized that I now had the strength to help others through the horrific reality of losing a child. I felt like it was my responsibility to make a difference, and to be an

advocate for those other parents that will be forced to follow in my footsteps. As a result, I created the Grieving Dads Project to provide resources for other dads dealing with the same grieving issues that I, and many other men, have dealt with.

One of the resources that came out of this project is my book, Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back. This book was designed to give insight into the issues that men deal with after the loss of a child. I traveled across the United State to interview grieving dads from all walks of life who had experienced a child loss from all age groups and circumstances. I am proud to say this book has reached men around the world and is currently in 20 countries on five continents.

I met Barry Kluger in 2011 as a result of the work I’ve done with the Grieving Dads Project. Barry is a fellow grieving dad that lost his daughter in a car accident in 2001. Barry and I occasionally spoke by phone, and on one occasion the subject turned to the question, “What could we do to help other bereaved parents?” The answer came to us very quickly. We knew we needed to make sure bereaved parents get the time they need to deal with such a devastating loss without the fear of losing their job. Although the company I worked for at the time was very compassionate, I met a lot of grieving parents during the development of my book that weren’t as fortunate enough to have an understanding employer.

We were not sure how we would make this happen, but we knew that the three to five days of bereavement leave was nowhere near enough time to start the grieving process. Within a month, we launched an online petition called the Farley-Kluger Initiative.

Within six months, we had more than 30,000 signatures, and we had obtained the support from more than 20 large not-for-profit organizations. In addition to these milestones, Senator Jon Tester (MT) was the first legislator to step forward and introduce the Parental Bereavement Act of 2011 to the US Senate. This bill would add the death of a child as one of the qualifiers to obtain the benefits set forth in the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). These benefits would allow a grieving parent to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid time off after the death of a child without the fear of losing their job.

We thought this was going to be a quick change, but after four years and three trips to Washington DC, it has yet to pass. During this time there has been a companion bill introduced in the House by Congressman Steve Israel (NY). Several legislators have joined Senator Tester and Congressman Israel, but we have struggled to get hearings on this bill within the appropriate committees. We continue to gain momentum and ask others to join us on this mission until this family friend bill passed.

Although the work I have done and will continue to do to support grieving parents is time consuming, and sometimes emotionally draining, there is something in it for me. I continue to heal on this journey as a result of helping others. In addition to the intrinsic reward, I also know how proud my two precious babies would be of their dad.

I encourage all bereaved parent to find a cause they can become passionate about and find a way to make a difference. www.GrievingDads.com www.FarleyKluger.com

Making a Difference By: Kelly Farley

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Nature is My Nurture By: Ginny Limer

When our six month old son Cullin passed away from SIDS, my empty arms cradled five soul-shattered, confused, and heartbroken siblings. Their eyes, hearts, and words ques-tioning “Why?”. As a teacher and mama nurturing answers normally come easily, it’s my nature. But my quick thinking was impaired by the weight and newness of grief. The only words that came to mind were, “Turn the whys into thank you’s”. As a family and friend unit we began to say things like, “Thank you for six blessed months” rather than “Why did we only get six months with our baby”. Turning the innate negative effects of grief into positive thoughts began to help our family focus on heal-ing and nurturing our deflated hearts.

When the kids were in such pain that they acted out, bawled, and withdrew into themselves, we decided to “Turn the pain into passion”. As we participated whole heartedly in activities that are

loved by both individuals and as a family, we began to reconnect with our collective and personal pas-sions in life. I began to reconnect with myself, with synchronicities in life, with nature. Nature is my nur-ture. Nature feeds my grief ridden soul with winks of magical mo-ments which I call “Cullin winks” and “Heavenly Sign Language”.

Floating feathers, falling leaves, shapes in the clouds, and heart-

shaped objects that I find in nature, in my mind, are gifts from my son in spirit. Certain smells, the rain, perfect lighting, and whisper-ing trees are consid-ered kisses from my boy. I visualize him flying on the wings of butterflies, climbing craters on the moon, and winking in the sparkle of a crystal. He is in my heart and on my mind as the sun rises and sets each day, and I search for him in everyday moments during the hours in be-

tween. I turn my pain into pas-sion by photographing these gifts from nature as if they are Cullin’s missed milestones. Some of the photographs are shared with Scared Sidless families and sup-porters on various social media sites in hopes that one mama, one dad, one sibling or grandparent living through grief receives a message of hope, inspiration, and a sense of nurture from nature.

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I love to be outside, whether it is sitting and enjoying the breeze, staring out into the distance of the setting sun, or out for a nice hike on the trails around St. Louis.

It wasn't until I moved to Joplin, Missouri ten months ago that I truly realized how my soul needed that connection to nature to calm my mind, and how I really enjoy the beauty of nature. I found a local creek called Center Creek. It is a beautiful place to go and gather my thoughts or just sit and reflect on the week or just sit and listen to the

sounds of nature the birds sing, wind blowing in the trees. I have found it is also a great place to go for a sense of peace and renewal.

Even though it has been nine and seven years since my losses, the further out I get the more connected I feel to nature. When I think about Aiden and Riley, I usually see a couple of dragonflies fly by reassuring me it’s going to be OK and a reminder that I’m doing good things in memory of them. All I can do is smile and enjoy the moment.

Soul’s Connection to Nature By: Jennifer Tharp, Share Group Facilitator in Joplin, MO

Share Coordinator Teresa Brassfield from SSM DePaul Health Center in St. Louis, Missouri has lovingly created a new bereavement room at her hospital. It is a serene space meant to provide comfort and peace to grieving families, giving them a private place to spend time with their precious baby away from the patient’s room. Cabinets in the room contain memory making items, a table holds Share resource materials, books, laminated poems and Angel of Hope brochures, with plenty of seating available for family.

Teresa shared her thoughts about this special room: “I consider what I do a ministry. This is a service to the families that God has entrusted unto us. God gave me a vision to provide a sacred place of comfort for our bereaved families. A place where they can feel the presence of God and healing can begin. A private place where families can gather to hold their infant and comfort one another and where staff can take photos and create memories with footprints, bracelets, etc.”

*If you are a Share coordinator, we would love to hear from you about special things you provide or do for the families you care for. Please email Jenn at jstachula@nationalshare.org

One Share Leader’s Mission: A Sacred Space

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Are you real, darling?

I study those turquoise pools of curi-osity for verification as they twinkle. I smell your nascent toes as you suckle my breasts. Our breath rhymes as we lay spooned.

When our lips meet, we brighten.

All of this is evidence of you being real hearty here.

Swaddled in health. Whole.

But how do I know for sure?

Trauma harangued assuredness, banged it up, bruised it. Nothing is for certain, it seems.

Loving you so fully stupefies reverberations of loss.

Who was the girl who came before, but isn’t? If she was, you wouldn’t be, confounding.

My Miscarriage turned me upside down, though it all looks right-side up now from the outside.

Anxiety visits previously a stranger unwanted alarm bell a reminder not to take life or love for granted.

I yearn for pre-miscarriage me. Fresh faced, naïve maybe bucolic burgeoning belly without reserve or preoccupation.

Grief grips.

Fifteen months should prove your staying power. Nevertheless

my mind wanders to stormy places.

The trauma of this second trimester loss lives in me harnessed me, harasses me will be here is me.

Wishing won’t yield change. I’ll settle on hybridity, even Re-find. Refined.

Her mommy is me this me inverted for now, for always.

Dr. Jessica Zucker is a psychologist and writer based in Los Angeles. She has contributed to The New York Times, The Washington Post, BuzzFeed, among others. You can find her at www.drjessicazucker.com and on Twitter @DrZucker.

Liminality By: Dr. Jessica Zucker

Heartbeats & Halos

By: Andrea Kintz My family has experienced a terrible tragedy. For months, my husband and I felt so alone. Why did this happen? Things like this don’t happen to “normal” people. What did we do wrong? What do we do now? It took time, therapy, research, support from strangers all over the world and most importantly, the love from our family and friends to realize WE ARE NOT ALONE. With that said, I feel it is necessary to share our story. Not only for others to not feel the loneliness had we gone through, but to educate others. Mainly we want to continue to bring peace to our hearts in honor of our beautiful son….Carter John

Kintz. I knew in my heart, I needed to do more. More outside of our family and to help others. I have decided to raise money in honor of our son’s memory and to help those who have gone through something similar. There is a local program called Share. They have helped us and I can think nothing better than to give back to them and their cause. 100% of the donations will go towards this program that specifically helped me and my family.

To continue reading "Heartbeats & Halos," visit http://www.gofundme.com/CarterJohn

Share extends a sincere, warm thank you to Adam and Andrea for sharing their story, and for turning their love for Carter into a way to help so many families. Today, by raising more than $3000 for Share, they have become Share Ambassadors and will be honored at the 2016 Angel Ball!

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I Lost a Child, Is My Job Protected? By: Derek Haake, Esq., MBA - Share Board Member

Currently the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) protects you for a variety of occurrences, specifically:

1. Birth of a child 2. Adoption of a child 3. Care for the employee’s spouse child or parent that has a serious health condition This list painfully omits the death of a child, spouse or parent.

In Missouri, if you are employed in the private sector, there are no leave requirements for an employee who loses a spouse, child or parent. However, if you are employed in the public sector, you can receive up to 5 days of bereavement leave, but again, this is provided by Missouri law, not federal law.

So, what does this mean? Simply, this means that if you lose a child, and you don’t show up the next day at work, your employer can terminate you for failure to show up for your shift, there are no laws that protect you. Most people think about this and say, “well, the employer will do the right thing”, and in many / most cases – they do. However, they do not have to, and can terminate you the first day you miss work if you don’t have vacation time.

People often don’t think that this is a big deal – you lose a job, and you can

just get another. With one event, you could lose 15 years of raises, vacation days and seniority, and now you are left starting over, at the bottom of the food chain with another company. Further, while the economy appears to be getting better, finding a job is not an easy prospect and can be detrimental to your family and finances.

Under FMLA, however, there are minimal protections. In a nutshell (and obviously the act is more elaborate than this), but FMLA only guarantees that your job (or a comparable position) is held for you by your employer while you are on leave. Additionally, you can be made to use all of your vacation days / sick days prior to using any FMLA time. The biggest issue is that while FMLA protects your job – your salary is not paid during this time (however, supplemental insurance policies can pay a portion of your salary while you are on FMLA leave). In short though, if you have a qualifying event (death of a child is not), your employer merely has to hold your job, and does not have to pay you.

So, what happens when you lose a child? Most of us do not want to think about this, but as a father who lost a child, the unimaginable does happen, has happened, and is much more common than any of us would like to

admit. My son was stillborn, but he was the boy in boy, girl, girl triplets. Our two daughters were born alive and had few complications (they are now thriving and almost 5 years old). The thing that haunts me is that there are people out there that have a single child who is stillborn, and they have no protections, no time to grieve and heal – and the grief that comes with losing a child is intense. As newly bereaved parents, we could have easily lost our jobs if we had an employer that followed the letter of the law.

Why is this? Well, there have been several attempts to push legislation through to expand FMLA protections to at least cover the death of a child, however, they have always been defeated. I’m only guessing at the reasons, but the counter argument is that expanding FMLA protections would decrease productivity and unnecessarily impact a business. Further, a person has the potential to abuse the system. Finally, the topic is still taboo, and people simply don’t want to discuss this unimaginable horror that befalls many people – until it hits close to home.

Currently there is legislation being proposed to protect parents that lose a child, and give them time to heal. If you are interested, you can sign a petition here – http://www.petition2congress.com/3937/go/

The Share staff received a special phone call last month from a gentleman in Lyon County, Kentucky. He and his wife live on four acres, and last year, while walking in his woods, he found one of the balloons and tags from the 2012 Share Walk for Remembrance and Hope. It was very wet, so he placed it in a book to dry out, where it was soon forgotten. But last month, as he was cleaning up paperwork in his desk, he came across the tag and decided it was time to call

us to share his own story of loss and hope.

John is 77 years old, a disabled Navy vet, and bereaved father: he was just 18 years old when he lost his first child, his 4 1/2 month old baby girl. He also shared the pain of the tragic losses of three of his other children over the course of his life. In the sharing of his story, John found that he is not alone and that there can be great peace in remembering.

As with so many calls we receive, finding this balloon has brought John comfort in a most unexpected way. He found a measure of hope and faith in the finding of a heartfelt message from a stranger sharing in a similar path of grieving and healing. The balloon drifted approximate 200 miles, onto the land and into the hands of a man whose life was touched by the tender and healing surprise of our traveling message of remembrance and hope.

Found: 2012 Share Balloon

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I have honestly always been drawn to butterflies; their beauty and their transformation. But I never knew how much they would mean to me after we survived through infertility and ended our journey without children.

Watching the process a caterpillar goes through to emerge as a brilliant butterfly is nothing short of miraculous. It is a true battle for them. It is also the perfect metaphor for going through infertility and loss, or rather we must make sure our journeys end in an emergence just as beautiful.

The losses that we suffer in making our families will last us a lifetime but we must make sure to do the work to emerge brilliantly.

To emerge a forever changed and always healing person.

Just like the butterfly.

For me, butterflies will always be everywhere.

The monarch on the cover of Ever Upward symbolizes more than transformation and emergence for me, it also represents how broken and yet whole I am after this journey and that I am never alone in it.

No matter where I visit in the world, I will always seek out a butterfly house.

Every picture I use for my blog will have butterflies in it.

They are tattooed on my body in honor of my three never-to-be babies.

And finally, I am working on turning my acre of land in the middle of Saint Louis into my very own amateur butterfly garden.

I not only work to have butterflies in my life but they also always seem to visit me. That flutter down onto the flower in front of me or that flight across my walking path, I know is a message. I have no doubt it is one of my babies checking in on me; reminding to keep fighting for my recovery and reminding me to always rise ever upward.

The only thing better than that flutter is when there happen to be three.

The Flutter of Ever Upward By: Justine Brooks Froelker

Ever Upward: Book Review

Justine courageously shares her story with transparent honesty describing the poignant reality of her life with her husband Chad as infertile, yet child full. Her experience as a licensed practicing counselor is balanced with her personal struggles with the stark reality of infertility. The reader travels her journey from a teenaged aspiring gymnast, sidelined unexpectedly with serious physical issues, through her current path, Ever Upward, fully integrating and embracing all of the pain and suffering along the way. Yet here is also an abundance of love and laughter woven into her story.

Justine has effectively redefined the journey of infertility for herself and for the many couples who struggle alongside her and Chad. Her story offers a refreshing perspective toward hope and healing for those brave enough to embrace it.

Justine Froelker, author of Ever Upward, will donate $5 of the purchase price of Ever Upward through their online store to Share! For more details, or to order your copy, visit http://ever-upward.myshopify.com/. Thank you, Justine!

Ever Upward Donates a Portion of Sales to Share

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Emma’s Gifts By: Abby McFerron

As I stared at the monitor and heard the words, “I’m so sorry”….I will forever remember the feeling in my stomach, the feeling of disbelief, and the utter loss of control. I did everything I could to keep our baby safe and growing for 40 weeks, how is this possible? Isn’t there something we can do?

The truth is there wasn’t.

We, as parents, try to control as much as we can when it comes to our children. We control their environment through how we carry ourselves in pregnancy to how we safeguard our homes from the moving toddler. We try to control their health in utero by eating well, to be good role models and provide energy for our kicking baby. We try to control their happiness, surrounding them with laughter and love. So what do we do when all control is taken from us? What do we do when we are told the most devastating news?

The truth is, we all do something different. Each of our situations is so unique and different from one another. If I had the magic answer, I would tell it to you right now to save you from the pain and heavy weight of grief. What I do know is the more you feel, the more you work through the pain versus around it, the more you cling to every memory you have, you will get through this. You will begin to live your days again. The day after Emma died I wrote down a quotation my mother found, “Even in your darkest hour the memories you hold in your tightly clenched fists- her tiny feet, the feel of her downy head in your palm, her innocent face- will light the way to hope and peace.” At the time, hope felt miles away; but the truth is, my daughter Emma is how I speak these words today, with hope and peace, two and a half years after she left my arms.

No one has the answer for how to deal with the intense loss of control we have all felt as parents, because the truth is, losing a child sucks. No matter what way you look at it, it just

sucks and we would all rather have our children here with us. However, I have found healing from the author Natalie Himmelrich who said, “The journey of grieving parents isn’t so much about what you go through on a daily basis, but whom you become in the process of continuing your life without your child.” The person Emma has shaped me to become today is one of the greatest gifts she has given me. It is because of her that I can share with you how I have gotten to this point, the point of hope and peace.

A dear friend of mine found comfort in reading romance novels; another found peace in going back to work, and another started a nonprofit a few days after losing their daughter. I wrote, and for while I wrote every day. I want you to know that I went down into the depths of my grief where I felt alone and sad more days than I felt like getting up. Yet it was in those depths that I realized my daughter would want me to get back up again. She would want me to live a life of fulfillment, love, and joy. And that is how I faced the world without her. I kept a journal that became my lifeline to my daughter. Three weeks after Emma died I looked up the term bereaved, not actually knowing its definition and still in shock that the term fit me. I wrote…

March 18th, 2013

Bereaved parent - suffering the loss of a child, someone they loved. When you think of the term “parent” you think of changing diapers, consoling tears, holding little fingers to help them walk, not staring at pictures and touching the cheeks of a photo trying as hard as you can to never forget how soft her skin was. You don’t think about how you want to honor their tiny little body because they’re supposed to die long after you. But as a bereaved parent, this and many more decisions are made because somehow this is how you can be the best parent to your child. We will always be her parents, and she

our firstborn, but we’ve been robbed of the opportunity to experience every blink, smile, laugh, and hiccup with her and that reality sucks.

It took a long time to accept the silence of our home. The fact that nothing had changed when we were ready for our lives to be transformed was haunting some days. Yet with time, in reading that entry, the gift I realized Emma gave me was the title not of bereaved parent, but of mother. Thank you, honey.

Parenting our child after they’re gone is something we all strive to do. I vividly recall sobbing in my car and telling Emma that one day, I would drive without crying. One day, I would be able to go past the hospital where she was born without feeling sick. One day, I would say her name with joy instead of so much pain. But there isn’t a handbook for bereaved parenting. And my husband and I grieved and parented Emma differently. I wrote the two of them a letter, almost four months after she was born….

June 19th, 2013

Dear Emma and Ben, I want you both to know how much I love you. I want you to know that I will get through this, because I am a strong woman. But this is not easy, and at times it’s very messy, because I want to be a wonderful mom and wife. I cry because I miss you, Emma, and the shock of what happened in that waiting room still sends chills down my spine. I cry, Ben, because I’m frustrated that this has happened and rocked our foundation to its core. I’m sad because our first child was taken before we ever got to see her smile and this form of parenting is nothing we ever imagined. But as I said, I will get through this, because we will get through this; not around, but through. I trust that our ways of parenting and coping are different, please trust me, too.

With this entry, Emma gave me the gift of empowerment. She taught me

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Emma’s Gifts (continued)

that Ben and I could grieve differently and that was okay. And even though I wanted the pain to go away, it was better for me to feel than to avoid. Around this time I came across this quotation from Washington Irving, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” I believe Emma sent this to me. Thanks, girl.

And the gifts go on and on, from the color yellow on autumn’s leaves, to the song “Tupelo Honey” on the radio, Emma visits us every day, as I am sure your children do, too. What took me a while to realize was how much deeper and more meaningful my life had become because of her. Prior to Emma’s death, I went about the motions of life, taking many things for granted. But when you lose all control like we have, we learn some hard lessons. I have realized that we cannot control everything. I’ve been reminded that we are vulnerable as humans and even if we do everything right, sometimes we are just not able to escape tragedy.

I have found comfort in accepting this, and the hard, stunning reality is that life is precious. And so I work every day to honor her and appreciate the small things in life. Whereas once I didn’t notice the birds chirping, I now pause to hear them. I pause to appreciate the sound of rain. These little moments have enriched my life, causing me to slow down, appreciate what I have, and those who surround me. Life is precious, and the fact is this little person taught me this lesson in a heartbreaking way. Please know that I’d give anything to hold her again. A year after Emma died I wrote to her on her birthday….

February 28th, 2014

Dear Emma, One year ago today, we showered you with all our love. For a reason we cannot comprehend

you never cried, took a breath or blinked your beautiful eyes. But Emma, on this day we lived with you. Your soul was present in all we did. What I would give to relive those moments, to sit and stare at every one of your features. From your sweet nose to your perfect rose lips, the images are etched in my mind, but even with that I’d go back to this day, your birthday, just to hold you one more time. I still am unaware of how we said good bye to you. I think your soul was telling us it was ok and the angels had you in their arms. We miss you terribly…

This entry has taught me the power of love. I’d go back and feel all the pain all over again to just hold her. To kiss her cheeks and tell her how much I love her in person. That’s love, and how amazing that our children have taught us that. Painfully yes, but how beautiful. Because of her, I am a proud momma. I am not perfect and it’s taken me a long time to accept grief as a companion versus the beast it once was in my life. But I know that my beautiful family of four is forever enriched with love, compassion and appreciation because of Emma, our firstborn, Conner’s big sister, and our angel.

This is but one story of the healing journey of a bereaved parent. Please know all of our journeys are unique. Our pregnancies and losses are all different, and because of that, we will grieve differently. We all will do our best to weather our storms and venture down our own paths to healing. Never moving on, just moving forward with our lives. The path does not have to be smooth and full of grace. We just do the best we can in this role as bereaved parents. We have faced an absolute loss of control which is most parents’ greatest fear, and we have done so in the best way we can. Remember the gift your baby has given you, the title of mother and father, and trust that there are many more gifts your child will present to you with time. Give them time to unfold and present themselves to you. Our babies can

teach us so much. Thank you for teaching me, Emma.

Abby McFerron is the facilitator of Share’s newest Chapter in Denver, Colorado. She recently shared these moving words at a memorial service at the hospital where she delivered Emma. You can reach Abby for both support and resources at abby.mcferron@gmail.com, or look for information about her upcoming local support group on our website at nationalshare.org. Thank you, Abby, for sharing your journey with us!

Welcome, New

Chapter Leaders! Abby McFerron Denver Share Denver, Colorado Jennifer Mueller St. Elizabeth Share Belleville, Illinois Robert Morwell Share of Southern Illinois Carterville, Illinois Tammy Specken Sacred Heart Hospital Share Eau Claire, Wisconson Angela Niestemski Baylor Grapevine Share Grapevine, Texas

More about the Share Chapters:

There are currently over 75 Share Chapters throughout the United States. To best find the Share Chapter closest to you,

http://nationalshare.org/heal/sharechapters/

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The Most Magnificent Name By: Debra L. Fennessy The little Lady Bug in her bright red dress with the black polka dots gently stepped from letter to letter as she sounded out the name etched in the stone: M-I-C-H-A-E-L T-E-E-T-U “Isn’t that a most magnificent name!” she said to her friend the Butterfly who was also adorned in her most beautiful outfit – a sparkling affair of black and orange with just a hint of yellow. “Oh yes, a most magnificent name,” said the Butterfly. As the Butterfly settled down on the dot above one of the “i’s” she said, “How did he come to have such a magnificent name?” “Well, Michael is the name his parents gave him,” said the Lady Bug. “Since his Daddy is a handsome and intelligent policeman, it seemed ever so appropriate. You see, Saint Michael is the Patron Saint of policemen everywhere.” “I had no idea”, said the Butterfly. “How very splendid and perfect! Was Teetu a Saint as well?” “Oh no, silly Butterfly” uttered the Lady Bug. “Teetu is the name his big

brother gave him long before he had any other name. Big brother would press his ear to his Mommy’s tummy and tell his teeny tiny sibling how much he loved him. Although he was a pretty small boy himself, he was wise beyond his years. He knew how important it was to have a name, so he gave him one!” “Oh how sweet and wonderful!” exclaimed the Butterfly. The Butterfly thanked her friend for telling her the story of “The Most Magnificent Name”. Then she touched her antennae to one side of her very small temple as she thought for a while. Finally, she said, “Why is this most magnificent name etched in the stone?” The Lady Bug sighed a very big sigh, and in a very quiet and respectful voice said “Michael Teetu has gone to heaven to be with God. His name is etched in the stone to mark his body’s final resting place.” The Butterfly pressed her wings together and sent out a prayer to the heavens: Let us pray for the wee ones who left us too soon. Let us pray to the Universe, the Stars, and the Moon.

Let us pray to God as he welcomes them home. Keep them safe and happy, and never alone. Dry the tears of their loved ones who grieve every day. Help them cope with their pain as on Earth they must stay. Let us never forget how beautiful they were. How amazing, how fragile, how precious, how pure. This prayer we send out to the Heavens above. Let the tiny babes hear us as we send them our love. “That was quite lovely,” said the Lady Bug as she waved goodbye to her friend and flew away. “Thank you for telling me the story of The Most Magnificent Name,” shouted the Butterfly as her friend disappeared into a puffy blue cloud. Then the Butterfly gently flapped her beautifully adorned wings and soared into the sky. She, of course, told EVERYONE in her very LARGE family the story of The Most Magnificent Name!!!

Welcome Share’s New Group Facilitator, Miranda Coker

In November 0f 2011, as a newly bereaved mother, Miranda found Share. After over 15 years of Labor and Delivery and NICU experience serving families of loss, she found herself in their shoes after the loss of her daughters. It was then that she realized that her knowledge of serving bereaved families was not nearly as deep as she had thought. After taking her time to do her own healing, Miranda has dedicated her time and energy to expanding her knowledge and compassion for those that walk the difficult journey of pregnancy and infant loss. In addition to being a full time Labor and Delivery nurse, she is a Share Companion as well as a certified Stillbirthday Birth and Bereavement Doula. Miranda joined Share in May of 2015 as Support Group Facilitator after several years of attending group and volunteering. Please join us in welcoming Miranda to the Share staff!

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Book Review: Something Small By: Sophie Stachula, age 11

My dear sweet Michael,

I have so much to say. I could write

sheets and sheets. I have already

said a lot - spoken to you while you

were in my womb, during your few

precious hours of life, and since you

have passed. I know that I can talk

to you whenever I want and that

you will hear me, for I will carry

you with me always. I know that

you are in a place of unsurpassing

beauty and love and light and

knowledge. I know that you are far

wiser than I; that you recognize

your purpose and accept your jour-

ney, however short it may have

been. I know that what happened

only weeks ago happened for a rea-

son and it was good and right.

Despite all that I know, I am deeply

grieving. My head and my heart are

in opposition. I am angry at my

body for betraying us. I am guilty

for failing you. I am isolated in my

experience. And I am fearful for the

future.

However grateful I am for the time

we did have with one another, I am

greedy. I wanted more. I wanted to

witness your long and amazing life.

I wanted to be blessed in mothering

you. I wanted to watch you grow

and get to know your quirks. I

wanted to see you and Christopher

bond in brotherhood.

And I want you here with me, now…

so very badly.

My heart aches. My tears would fill

rivers. But mostly, my soul longs for

understanding. I ask for your help

with this. I also ask that you watch

over your brother and keep him

safe, as I expect you would have

done in this reality.

Oh, Michael, my angel baby. I love

you and miss you more than words

can say. This is not “goodbye”; it is

“see you later.”

Love,

Mommy

My Sweet Michael By: Eileen

Something Small is a wonderful book for children who have lost a parent, grandparent, or sibling. It helps children grieve for their loved ones in a calm manner. It is about a child who has experienced a death in their family just like the child who is reading the book. This can help children feel better by knowing that someone has gone through the same thing as they have.

Something Small also helps children remember things about their loved one in simple, beautiful ways, such as keeping items that were special to the person they miss, or by doing activities that they enjoyed doing together. A child might find comfort in reading the book because the characters featured are from

Sesame Street, a TV show with which they are likely familiar. Another special thing about this book is that it includes the same story written in Spanish.

Something Small is the children’s story included in a kit called When Families Grieve. This kit also includes a Sesame Street DVD and a guide for parents and caregivers about how to help your family deal with the loss of a loved one. This guide is helpful to families who are grieving together and gives very good ideas of ways to communicate even when you are hurting. It gives parents ways to talk to kids, too, using words they best understand.

Everything included in the kit is

featured in both English and Spanish.

For this kit, please visit http://www.sesamestreet.org/grief.

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Share sincerely thanks those who have so graciously given donations in memory of a baby, relative, friend, and in honor

of all loved ones and through Matching Gift Programs. Gratuitous donations are also accepted from anyone who wants to

help Share in its mission. We gratefully acknowledge these gifts, which help us continue to reach out and fulfill the daily

needs of bereaved parents. Share’s services are available free of charge to bereaved parents, family and friends, or

anyone whose life has been touched by the loss of baby.

When you make a donation in memory of a loved baby, please include the name of the baby or babies, the birth or death

date(s) and the parent’s name(s). We would love to acknowledge your donation to the parents. If you donate in memory

or honor of a special loved one, please include their name(s) and pertinent information. A short message may also be

included with any donation. Thank you so much for your faithful gifts!

Share’s mission is to serve those who are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or

in the first few months of life.

Six times a year, we share information and ideas from parents and professionals in a magazine to support and provide a

sense of friendship for bereaved parents. We hope you will find this magazine helpful and that you will share it with

others you feel it would interest.

We encourage you to send your personal articles, stories, poems, artwork and recipes to our magazine at any time.

Please do not submit copied, copyrighted, or web articles. The Magazine Editor reserves the right to edit your personal

submission for content and/or length to fit the needs of the particular magazine edition in which it will appear. Your

submission may be used for the current magazine, or may be used in a future publication. All submissions become the

property of Share.

Please include all pertinent personal information so we may identify you and your baby/ies in the respective publication.

Your submission grants Share permission to list your personal information with the publication unless instructed

otherwise.

Magazine Submission Guidelines:

1. Please provide title, authors’ name and applicable loss information for article submissions. If donating monetarily in

memory of a baby, please provide loss information, including the parent’s name(s).

2. Submissions must be received no later than the 1st of the month, one month prior to issue month. If you are making

a donation and would like to be recognized, or honor a birthday or anniversary, in the most recent edition of the

magazine, then it, must be received by the 10th of the month, two months prior to the publication.

3. Please type your submissions in single spaced, 10 point, Times New Roman or Arial font when possible.

4. Submissions can be mailed to 402 Jackson, St. Charles, MO 63301, e-mailed to rcarlson@nationalshare.org or faxed

to the National Share Office at 636-947-7486.

Sharing Magazine Information:

Sharing Magazine is published by Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support, Inc. If you would like to reprint articles/submissions from Sharing please properly cite Share and the writer by stating the name of the organization, website, magazine, volume, issue, and author in your acknowledgements. If you would like to reprint an article/ submission that is copyrighted by an author or a publishing company, you must obtain permission from the copyright holder to reprint. Email questions to rcarlson@nationalshare.org.

Would you like to be removed from

mailing lists?

To remove bereaved parents’ names from mailing lists you can visit

http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs4-junk.htm#MPS

-OR- Send a letter plus a $1 check or money order to:

Mail Preference Service Direct Marketing Association

PO Box 643 Carmel, NY 10512

The Mission

With Gratitude

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Upcoming Issues of

Sharing

Magazine

Sept/Oct 2015

Nurturing Your Body,

Heart and Soul Grieving is hard work and can

take a toll on you physically as

well as emotionally. While

eating well and exercising may

seem unimportant to you

during this time, it is vitally

important that you take care of

you. In this issue, we will share

the ways grieving parents have

found to take care of their

emotional, physical and

spiritual needs.

Nov/Dec 2015

Grief During the Holidays

How do you honor, or plan to honor, your loved ones during

the holidays? Will your traditions stay the same or do

you plan on changing your traditions? Share your story of

holiday celebration, tradition(s), or ways of healing and remembering your baby.

Submit your stories, poems and artwork to

rcarlson@nationalshare.org

Connect on Facebook

Search: Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

Share offers several social communities in addition to

support groups. Search: Share Bereaved Families Peer Support for

general bereavement or Share Subsequent Pregnancy Peer Support if

you are currently pregnant or are planning to become pregnant

following the death of a baby. Please note that these are closed groups

and membership must be approved by an administrator.

Get the magazine delivered directly to your inbox!

In an effort to reduce our carbon footprint, we have

decided to make the magazine available online. If you

would like to receive a copy via email, we would be

happy to add you to our mailing list. Visit

www.nationalshare.org then click ‘Subscribe’ in the

top right corner!

Find a Share Chapter Near You!

For a full list of all Share Chapters across the country, please visit

http://www.nationalshare.org/heal/sharechapters/

Need Resources? Shop on Share’s online store for books, gifts, memorial keepsakes and much more! https://www.z2systems.com/np/clients/share/giftstore.jsp

Follow Share on Pinterest for ideas and information

on memory making, jewelry, grief support resources,

books, holiday traditions and so much more!

Read our most current blog posts at www.nationalshare.blogspot.com

Stay connected

on Twitter!

@Share1977

We continue to expand our video library on YouTube.

Watch What’s Happening!

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Registration is now open! http://nationalshare.org/walk/

Sponsorship Opportunities Available

Teams Forming Now

Winning Logo Designed by: Caitlin Bromberger