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tame your JEALOUSYA close friend is absolutely perfect - and it's driving you

crazy. Here's how to control your competitive streak and fix

the friendship. By Bethany Gumper

The ChallengeTo get over your jealousy and keep your friendship intact Every woman has

that friend: She's gorgeous and smart, with a great job, a perfect boyfriend and a

body like Heidi Klum's. But beware - letting jealousy get the best of you can seri-

ously sabotage your relationship.

The Solutions)' Recognize that your feelings are normal. We all feel jealous sometimes, says

Annette Annechild, Ph.D., author of / Gn Tell Her Anythinq: The Power of Grl Talk

(Marlowe & Co., 2OO5) and a psychotherapist based in Delray Beach, Fla., and

Washington, D.C Don't beat yourself up for an emotion that everyone experiences.

F Use your envy as a learning tool. Unless your pal is intentionally spurring

your jealousy (which would make her a lousy friend), your envy has more to do

with you than with her, says Marla Paul, the Chicago-based author of The Friend'

ship Cnsis; Finding, Makinq, and Keep'

inq Friends When YoLt're Nof a Kid

Anymore (Rodale, 2005). lnstead offocusing on what she has that youdon't, cultivate your own talents and

interests, she suggests.

}' Listen to what your feelings aretelling you. Resist the temptation tobottle up emotions - such as jeal-

ousy - that make you feel guilty.lnstead, think of envy pangs as mes-

sages from your psyche, and hear

them out. "Jealousy tells you whatyou may want for yourself, which

l-minute shapeoversbeforer You sulk at your company's potluck when

a culinary-whiz pal whips up a souffl6 thatputs your Sara Lee cheesecake to shame.

r You ask your pregnant friend, "Gee, how

much weight have you gained?" becauseyou're struggling with infertility and sick of

hearing her talk about baby clothes.

r You leave your friend's colossal home

upset after an evening of listening to her

dis your cozy studio apartment.

perhaps you hadn't even realized," Paul

says. Jealous of a friend's promotion?Don't be ashamed by your feelings -decipher them! Maybe you're not ful-filled at work and need to get out ofyour dead-end job. "A friend's success

can be a great motivator," Paul says.

)' Size up your jealousy: toxic or not?Although occasional jealousy is normal,

constantly comparing dress sizes, bank

accounts or careers can do a number on

your self-esteem - and make you act

cruelly when you normally wouldn't. You

may suffer f rom toxic jealousy - the rela-

tionship-wrecking kind - if you find your-

self saying "You're wearing that?" to a

miniskirted friend whose weight loss you

envy, instead of "You look great!"

Resist the temptation tobottle up emotions thatmake you feel guilty.

> Speak up. lt's not easy, but if you

value the relationship, you should be hon-

est with your friend about your feelings."When you share your feelings, you give

your friend the opportunity to help you. lf

she turns on you,you need to re-examine

that friendship," Annechild says.

The PayotfYour relationship with your "perfect"friend - and all your relationships - will

improve once you know how to decodeyour envy pangs. You'll nip toxic jeal-

ousy in the bud with honest communi-

cation, and your green-eyed monsterwill soon be purring like a kitten.

afterr You congratulate your friend on hercooking skills and ask if she would mindgiving you a few lessons in the kitchen.

r You explain your feelings honestly: "l'mthrilled for you, but this is hard for me. I

need you to understand that and help me

out by talking about other things."

o You realize she is not such a good friendand spend time with pals who don't makeyou feel self-conscious about your pad.

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