Settling Sibling SquabblesSettling Sibling Squabbles

Dawnita S. NillesDawnita S. NillesNDSU Extension Agent/Family Resource NDSU Extension Agent/Family Resource

CoordinatorCoordinator

NDSU Extension Service and Region IV, CSCCNDSU Extension Service and Region IV, CSCCServing families in the Counties of Grand Forks, Nelson, Serving families in the Counties of Grand Forks, Nelson,

Pembina & WalshPembina & Walsh

Why do Children Fight?Why do Children Fight?

SpaceSpace PossessionsPossessions AchievementsAchievements Individual IdentitiesIndividual Identities Parental LoveParental Love AttentionAttention

Settling Sibling SquabblesSettling Sibling Squabbles

Children will learn Children will learn more.more.

If you step in, it If you step in, it usually means usually means blaming someone--blaming someone--most often the older most often the older child.child.

Forces kids to find a Forces kids to find a solution solution themselves.themselves.

Difficult as it may be, it is Difficult as it may be, it is best to intervene as little best to intervene as little as possible. Here’s why:as possible. Here’s why:

Level I: Normal BickeringLevel I: Normal Bickering

Keep telling yourself the children Keep telling yourself the children are having an important are having an important experience in conflict resolutionexperience in conflict resolution

Level II: Situation is heating Level II: Situation is heating upup

Acknowledge their angerAcknowledge their anger Reflect each child’s point of viewReflect each child’s point of view Describe the problem with respectDescribe the problem with respect Express confidence in the Express confidence in the

children’s ability to find a mutually children’s ability to find a mutually agreeable solutionagreeable solution

Leave the roomLeave the room

Level III: Possible dangerLevel III: Possible danger

InquireInquire Let them knowLet them know If the playing is too rough for youIf the playing is too rough for you

Level IV: Definite DangerLevel IV: Definite Danger

Describe what’s going onDescribe what’s going on Separate the childrenSeparate the children

Reducing Sibling RivalryReducing Sibling Rivalry

give attention to give attention to each childeach child

set rules or limitsset rules or limits appreciate appreciate

differences and differences and avoid comparisonsavoid comparisons

treat each child treat each child uniquelyuniquely

give children time give children time to play apartto play apart

expect kids to expect kids to share when share when appropriateappropriate

temper the amount temper the amount of parent-initiated of parent-initiated competitioncompetition

be a positive role be a positive role modelmodel

don’t always allow don’t always allow the younger child to the younger child to “win”“win”

Overall Tips for Dealing With Overall Tips for Dealing With Sibling SquabblesSibling Squabbles

set clearly defined rules for set clearly defined rules for behaviorbehavior

teach children how to settle teach children how to settle disputes without quarrelingdisputes without quarreling

use humoruse humor remember: it’s alright to be angryremember: it’s alright to be angry establish privacy areasestablish privacy areas

Remember: Fair Does Not Remember: Fair Does Not Mean EqualMean Equal

focus on individual needsfocus on individual needs show children they’re all loved show children they’re all loved

uniquelyuniquely give time in terms of needgive time in terms of need focus on feelingsfocus on feelings